A Near Miss

Spleens and Long Shot awoke to a shrill scream coming from Near Miss. "What's going on?" Spleens asked, still mostly asleep.

"My bits have bailed!" Cried Near Miss.

Slowly waking up, all Spleens managed to issue was a "wut?"

Near turned around and flipped her tail up onto her back. Beneath her dock was just smooth skin, like on a doll.

Long Shot dropped from her crossbeam and proceeded to laugh her ass off.

"So it's not supposed to look like that?" Spleens asked.

"No!" Near exclaimed as she grabbed Long Shot with her magic, turning the bat pony around to show Spleens, "This is what it's supposed to look like, minus the butt plug."

"Hey, careful with the tail, don't go starting something you're not ready to finish," Long complained as she pulled her tail out of Near's magic and turned to face the others.

"So," Spleens started, "What happened?"

"That's a good question," Near said, "Long Shot, why am I missing orifices?"

Long burst into laughter again, "Because I put poison joke on you!"

"Well that explains why I'm horny now too," Near said with a groan, "There's no way to get the cure out here in the Badlands, and I can't just hold my pee until we reach somewhere with medical supplies."

"Relax," Long said, "Even without the cure, the effects only last a week tops, and as for using the bathroom, things with poison joke tend to just work themselves out."

With that, Near left the caravan, chose a spot and tried to pee. Much to her surprise, it worked, and as she looked under her barrel, she saw that the urine stream was just appearing out of thin air a few centitrots from where her urethra used to be. Assuming that number 2 would also work, Near trotted back into the caravan.

"So the bathroom thing doesn't seem like it will be a problem, but that still leaves me without genitalia and horny," Near declared as she entered the caravan.

"Just massage your own wing roots," Long Shot suggested, "That should do the trick."

Near looked down her barrel only to find her boobs were gone too. "ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?" Near shouted at her belly before stomping her way outside, her tail twitching angrily. "I'mma go blow stuff up."

As they listened to a seemingly unending string of explosions outside, Long looked over to Spleens, "Do you think I went too far with this one?"

"Well-" Spleens was interrupted by a particularly loud explosion, "Maybe a bit. You should seriously consider apologizing when she comes back."