Author's Note

If I attempted a proper exposition dump for the rules/background of this universe, it would go on for over twenty pages.

I know this because I am separately writing one and it's at 12,000+ words.

So, instead, I'm gonna *try* and gradually explain things to both the protagonist and reader throughout the course of the fic. I hope you don't mind. *I* surely don't mind, because 90% of the fun of this (so-called) story is the world building. At least for mesa.

Zoop.

Diet Exposition

“Okay okay okay...” The holographic visage of Sunny Flare paced mountainously back and forth across the spartan bedroom, rubbing her photonic arms. “Let's make this quick. Mmmmmmmmmmm... yeah.”

She spun and looked down at the petite pixie of a boi seated on the edge of the bed.

“You...” Her translucent eyes narrowed, rosy and hard. “...are Subject Thirty-Three, the Executive Fae Experimenter of Spatial Displace Operations at the Galactic Headquarters of Cinchcorp. You are—according to Regal Valkyrie classification—a Level Ten Sorceress... although you've always preferred 'sorcerer' or 'wizard.' Nevertheless, your manaflux levels surpass those recorded even in Queen Sparkle's court. In accordance with the contract you signed with Cinchcorp about eleven years ago, you've agreed to keep your manaflux levels secret, barring a Regal Valkyrie investigation from the Covenant Keepers. Up until two days ago, you've been an exceptional employee, following all orders and making one hundred percent quota over forty business quarters in a row. Your latest project was a trans-dimensional venture past the fifty-second recorded space-time parallel. However, when you entered the chamber... when the other you entered the chamber, he was replaced within minutes of the spatial displacement spell. Presumably, a quantum signature swap was performed, which explains why you're here and you—the other you... my 'you' is over there... … ...in one of the fifty two parallel realities.”

She placed her hands on her holographic hips as if proud with that delivery.

Flash Sentry merely blinked at her. “Uhm...” He stirred under the blanket he had wrapped around his demure figure. “...but where is here?”

“Beta District,” Sunny Flare quickly replied. “Riley Towers. Floor Ninety-Eight. Fae Wing. Fountain Chambers Eleven.”

More silence.

“And...” Flash leaned forward, puppy-dog-eyes on full display. “...what the heck is all this nonsense floating on?”

The amazon's photonic lips pursed. Then—with a flicker of understanding—she rolled her eyes and droned: “Oh for milk's sake—The G.S.S. Equestria.”

“G.S.S...?”

“Y'know, Galactic Star Ship?” Sunny Flare waved a hand. “Huge intersolar habitat on a neverending round trip between Sol Three and Altair Five?”

Flash blinked stupidly. “We're headed for an Assassin's Creed planet?”

“No!!! For the love of—” Sunny Flare facepalmed, sighed, and gestured slowly. “Do you not have star ships in your reality?”

“Uhhhh...” Flash's toes curled and uncurled off the edge of the bed. “...there's the International Space Station.”

“Yeah? And what solar systems does it travel to?”

“None.”

“None?”

“None. It just...” Flash drew an invisible circle in the air. “...orbits the planet really close.”

“... … ...it does?”

“Yeah.” Flash gulped. “I think I saw Sandra Bullock floating inside it once.” He clutched the blanket closer. “She had boring underwear.”

“... … ...” Sunny Flare reached off screen and pulled in a holographic chair from the office she was located in. Slumping down, she ran a hand through her short bangs and sighed long and hard. “Why the fuck would Flash want to end up in a backwards place like that?!” Her holo-face grimaced visibly. “Fuckin' stone age, I swear to bricks.”

“Uhm...?” Flash slowly raised his dainty hand like he was sitting in elementary school.

“If you wanna ask something, just spit it out.”

“Okay...” Flash gulped, fighting the urge to shiver. “What am I.”

“...huh?”

“What am I?” He pointed at the door. “What are they?” He pointed at the holographic member dangling between her legs. “What are you... like...” He winced. “I'm hearing terms like 'new sex' and 'valk' and 'covenant' and 'fountain' and... and I just don't know what the fuck...”

Sunny Flare's mouth was slowly hanging open. “... … ...are you kidding me?”

“Sh-should I be?” Flash squirmed on the bed. “I've been in and out of a coma for two days with a space plug up my butt. Also I'm wearing a leash and a chastity device, which is kinda weird. In addition to that, two of the girls in my apartment look a hell of a lot like not-girls who I remember from my high school days and—”

“Wait wait wait...” Sunny Flare leaned forward and gestured at Flash. “...answer me this.”

“Yeah...?”

Her eyes narrowed. “What are you in your universe, Mr. Sentry.”

“Me in my universe?”

“Nice to know your ears work. Now move your ass before I come over there and kick it.”

“Gah! Uhm...” Nervously, Flash fidgeted to produce an apt description. “I am... a car mechanic and engine maintenance specialist going on twenty-two years just outside of Canterlot—”

“Canterlot...” Sunny Flare lifted a photonic eyebrow. “You mean on Sol 3?”

“By that do you mean Earth?”

“Unfortunately, yeah.”

“Well, yes. I live on Earth. And I work on cars.”

“... … ...is that it?”

Flash felt a lump forming in his throat. He fought past it. “I'm... uhm... thirty-seven years old.”

“So's my Flash. But that's not what I'm trying to get at here.” Sunny Flare gestured. “Let's narrow this down. Do you have any children?”

“Uh, no?”

“... … ...can you make any children?”

“I... uh...” Flash blushed. “...never got around to it.”

“Do you... pee standing up or sitting down?”

“Standing up, as much as I can afford it.”

Sunny Flare leaned back with a contemplative breath. “So you're a man.”

Flash blinked. “Yeah...?”

“Not a woman. Not a fae. Not a valkyrie.”

“Uhhhhhh—”

“Just a man. A man who works on engines. Living alone at nearly age forty. Back on Earth.”

“Yes. Yes, that's exactly right.”

Sunny Flare folded her arms again. “That sounds boring as Hell.”

“Hey...” Flash pouted.

“But...” She stroked her own chin in thought. “It also sounds kinda... nice, actually. Very... simple.” Her rosy pupils narrowed. “Well no wonder the selfish bastard chose you of all people to switch with. It sounds like all he's ever dreamed of.”

“What do you mean?”

“Tell me this, Flash...” She pointed. “Have you never... EVER heard of 'fae' or 'valkyries' before?”

“No! For a thousand times, no!” Flash sat up on his knees and adjusted the blanket in his tense grip. “Please—I need to understand!” His face hung between desperate and annoyed. “What am I? Why am I so... so...” He bit his lip, blushing more. “...tiny and gorgeous?”

Sunny Flare snorted. “'Gorgeous?'”

He merely squirmed.

“Ahem... don't mind me...” She stood up, kicked the holo-chair into oblivion, and resumed pacing.“Just never thought I'd hear that said... in his voice.” She clamped two hands over her face and groaned into the palms. “Rrrrrrgh-goddessssssssss. Howtoexplainthis. Howtoexplainthis.”

Flash could only stare after her eagerly.

“Alright... so...” She clapped her hands together and turned around to face him. “About five thousand years ago, there was the Great Enchantment. Valkyries—such as myself—manifested randomly among the female populace.”

“Wait.”

“It was pretty dicey at first. Most of mankind didn't like tall-as-fuck women with built-in swords. We were pretty hardcore about rutting the ever living stars out of everything we saw. One thing led to another and there was a class war—more like a sexual class war. Bunch of blood and sperm and anger. Yadda yadda yadda...”

“Wait...”

“But soon after—everyone discovered that there was a another new sex manifesting: the Fae, only they transformed from males. Turned out both Valkyries and Fae had magical compatibility. The Fae pacified my kind and we no longer took our sexual frustrations out on men and women. Good times.”

“Wait... … ...”

“The First Covenant was made. We formed warrior packs. The manaflux within ourselves became valuable resources for progressing manatech and sorcery. Several Covenants later, and here we are among the stars. New sexes are still... new sexes. The human populace is only about five percent valks and one percent fae. But—it still sorta works and everything's all sunshine and roses so long as the two new sexes are boinking each other first and foremost—”

“Wait wait wait!!!” Flash insisted. He dropped the top portion of his blanket to pull at his hair. “You're g-going too fast! What do you mean the valkyries 'manifested?' How are fae and valkyries 'magically compatible?' What is this 'manaflux' inside of you?”

“Queens of the Star Age...” Sunny Flare groaned. She checked her watch and looked over her holographic shoulder again. “This is something you realllllllllly should get from a blossoming counselor. I'm not the expert. I'm more about the future than I am about the past or present.”

“Right n-now, I'm not about anything other th-than freaking out!” Flash's voice cracked as his tears welled up once more.

“Now don't go doing that again! Goddess damn it! I just—” Sunny Flare stopped in mid-speech. Her hologram looked at the bedroom door.

Shivering, Flash turned and did the same.

“... … ...” Sunny's brow creased. Her hologram increased to full size while she simultaneously “marched” towards the door. Once she stood before it, she flicked her photonic wrist towards the panel.

Schwisssh!

The door swung open. Melody and Fannie—who had their ears pressed to the frame—immediately fell in a fragrant, femme pile.

“Oof!”

“D'oh!”

While both girlish specimens sprawled across the floor, Cherish shuffled up, standing behind them and craning her neck. She wrung her delicate fingers with a worried expression.

“Seriously?” Sunny Flare folded her arms with a cynical frown. “I told you to look after him. Not eavesdrop like a bunch of drooling petal-sniffers.”

“Mrmmfff...” Fannie stood up, straightening the skirt of her dress. “Well, can you blame us?”

“Plus, we all heard a valk's voice,” Melody said, tossing her chestnut hair back. “Sounded sexy as Hell.”

“Eugh... Fountains...” Sunny Flare rubbed her temple. “I haven't got the friggin' time for this...”

“Is... uhm...” Cherish gulped before stammering. “Is everything alright?”

“Look. You little nymphs wanna know what's going on? I'll break it to ya.” Sunny Flare pointed at Flash. “That is not the Flash that you know. He's a different Flash from a parallel dimension—one that your Flash purposefully went to in order to swap places with the other. Why? I'm not entirely certain and my partners and I are still trying to figure it all out.”

“Whoah...” Melody did a double-take. “No shit?”

“The one thing that I can guarantee is that—for the time being—it does not look like the Flash you know is ever coming back, and we haven't the means at Cinchcorp of reeling him in either. Instead, we're all stuck with this one.” Sunny Flare turned and pointed at the nervous creature on the bed. “What's more, he's from a universe without new-sexes or magic. He was a man there, and he knows absolutely nothing about the Great Enchantment or manaflux or—Goddess help him—the Allure.”

“Pffft...” Fannie made a face. “No Allure? What kind of cruddy universe is that?”

“Uhm... d-did I hear that right...?” Cherish padded into the room, lip quivering as she looked up at Sunny Flare. “Flash... our Flash is gone? Gone for good?”

Sunny Flare was about to retort, but something about Cherish's soft, vulnerable expression even made her pause. “I'm sorry, doll,” she said, her holographic eyes lingering on the fae's collar. “But he's long gone. Alive and well? I don't see why not, but we haven't the means of communicating with him or bringing him back.”

“Because...” Cherish shuddered, her features drooping as she leaned back. “...he's gone... and his sorcerer powers along with him.”

“I want you to know that my partners and I had nothing to do with stranding him in that parallel universe. What's more...” Sunny Flare pointed at Flash. “...he had nothing to do with it. It's not his fault that he's here in your Flash's place, and yet... here we all are.”

“Well... what are you going to do about it?” Melody asked, hands on hips.

“Pffft. Me?” Sunny bore a bitter smirk. “I'm gonna do all I friggin' can to keep my job from utterly tanking! My team and I have made far too much progress in Cinchcorp to burn up now!”

“And what about... about...” Fannie waved a hand at Flash. “... … ...False Sentry here???” She squinted up at Sunny. “Maybe you didn't mean to assist in the switcheroo—nevertheless you and the other valks at Cinchcorp are partially responsible! Don'tcha think?”

Melody added: “You're telling us he's a man in his universe? And now—all of a sudden—he's plopped into the body of a young fae???”

Flash was numb all over. He hugged himself, feeling the shivers redouble. He glanced at Cherish and saw her paling with each passing second. As thunderous as all this news was, it seemed to weigh triply hard on her—and for some reason the pain in Cherish's expression is what anchored him to that particular moment in time.

“Look, I'm not that fond of the development myself. Flash and I worked closely together for years. I had no clue that he would up and do this! And now—” Sunny Flare winced for some reason. She looked over her shoulder and spoke hoarsely to an unseen body. “Yeah, Sour! I'll be there soon! Tell Sugarcoat to have the report ready!” She turned once again towards the fae, her voice lower and hushed. “I have to split. I'm on company time and I've probably already raised enough suspicion.”

“You can't ditch us now!!!” Fannie exclaimed, gesturing at Flash. “What's to be done about—?!”

“Look, I'm going to do everything I can on my end to keep things from hitting the fan!”

“What does that mean?!”

“It means that—for the time being—that is Flash Sentry. The truth must remain secret. That way, he and the rest of you get to keep that precious apartment of yours. In the meantime—I'm going to need you faeries to help get him acclimated. HE'S going to need you to help get acclimated.”

“Pffft! Are you insane?!” Melody squeaked.

“Insane situations call for insane measures. If I pull my strings right, I can help this Flash transition into a more unassuming position, and all of us can carry on like nothing's changed.”

“What do you mean n-nothing's changed?” Cherish sniffled, on the verge of tears. “Flash is... is...”

“Suck it in, princess,” Sunny Flare said. “You're not the only one who feels betrayed.” She took one look behind her, then reached for an unseen computer console. “Flare out.”

And with that said, the projected valkyrie vanished—phallus and all.

Four petite souls were left looking helplessly at one another.

The first one to speak was Melody—gently—towards Cherish. “Cherish, sweetie, don't make a scene—”

“I-I'm sorry...!” Cherish was already weeping. She covered her eyes and fled out of the room like Sleeping Beauty in search of a bedspread to sob on. “I... I-I just need a m-moment...!” She was gone in a pink blur.

Fannie winced. “Ohhhhhhhhhhh bother...” She cleared her throat and stepped gently into the heart of the room until she stood face to face with the nervous soul on the bed. “Is it true?” Her violet eyes blinked. “Are you a Flash Sentry... … … from another dimension?”

Flash shakily nodded.

“And...” Fannie cocked her head aside. “...you know nothing about the Allure? The new sexes? Manatechnology? Any of that?”

Flash gulped... and again shook her head.

“And in your universe—the place where our Flash swapped with you...” Fannie arched an eyebrow. “...you're a man?”

“Mmmmhmmm...” Flash managed weakly.

“Whew-wee...” Fannie leaned back, running a hand through her smokey bangs. “Poor bastard.”

“Or a lucky one,” Melody said with a slight smirk. “All things considered.”

“Melody, let's...” Fannie sighed, looking Flash up and down as if in a new light. “...let's try to tone things down a bit. This is an awful lot for all of us to process.”

“Well...” Melody waved and walked out of the room. “...process it on your own.”

“Where are you going?” Fannie turned to look at her. “Gonna check on Cherish?”

“No. I'm taking a shower and getting some rest.”

“Seriously?!?” Fannie barked, frowning. “You're walking away from all of this?!”

Melody spun around and gestured. “Two packs, Fannie. I spent the night being porcupined by thirteen valks! If it weren't for the mana-injections, I'd not be able to walk away from anything! Speaking of which, I have twenty minutes left at best before every muscle in my pretty body turns to goo! Besides...” She gestured in the direction of the room's computer station. “You heard the null bimbo! The poor sap's here to stay! Plenty of time to get the hang of things!”

“What if it's all too much for him to process?! It's basically like he's a super mega late blossom!”

“Well, then...” Melody put on a plastic smile as she waved at Flash. “Welcome to the after-life, chump! We've got dicks forever!” She began stripping to her lacy lingerie as she made a bee-line for another room inside the apartment. “Fuck me, this is why most flitters don't live with a sorcerer.”

Fannie sighed, facepalming. She looked nervously in Flash's direction. “So... uhm...” A gulp. “How are you holding up... Flash?”

“I... don't know what to hold onto...” He covered himself more with the blanket.

“... … ...” Fannie looked at his ongoing quest for decency. “Not comfortable being naked, huh?”

“Not... really...?”

“Well, all things considered, you're the milking image of... our Flash.” She pointed at a closet. “Everything in there oughta fit you.” A wry smile. “Hope your a fan of black.”

Flash took a deep breath and slowly slithered off the bed. “Something tells me I don't have much of a choice.”

“Yes, well... we'll work on that.”

“Is... uhm...” Flash fumbled in mid-step.

“Yes?”

Flash's sad blue eyes darted towards the doorframe and the apartment beyond. “Is Cherish going to be okay?”

Fannie blinked. A sweet smile crossed her lips. “Cherish is just being Cherish. Don't worry. Let's just focus on you at the moment.” She gestured. “Hop into something, then come on out and let's have a chat. Assuming you're in the mood for some... info dumping.”

“Something tells me it's the only kind of dumps I'll be enjoying for a while.”

“Hey. You're catching on already. This'll be easier than I thought.”