Dear Diaryby KitsuneRisuChapters13th of March, 1129, Wednesday14th of March, 1129, Thursday (cont. 2)15th of March, 1129, Fridayx17th of March, 1129, SundayRecipe18th of March, 1129, Monday18th of March, 1129, MondayFEELINGSx20th of March, 1129, Wednesday20th of March, 1129, Wednesday (cont.)20th of March, 1129, Wednesday (cont. 3)22nd of March, 1129, Friday (cont.)Recipe22nd of March, 1129, Friday (cont. 2)23rd of March, 1129, Saturday24th of March, 1129, Sundayx24 of March, 1129, Sunday (co.nt)RecipeTuesdayUnknownUnknownUnknownUnknownUnknownUnknownUnknownUnknownUnknown12th of March, 1129, Tuesday14th of March, 1129, Thursday14th of March, 1129, Thursday (cont.)15th of March, 1129, Friday (cont.)16th of March, 1129, Saturday17th of March, 1129, Sunday (cont.)19th of March, 1129, Tuesday (cont.)19th of March, 1129, Tuesday (cont. 2)20th of March, 1129, Wednesday (cont. 2)21st of March, 1129, Thursday22nd of March, 1129, FridayxRecipe23rd of March, 1129, Saturday (cont.)25 March MondayDate UnknownUnknown13th of March, 1129, Wednesday13th of March, 1129, Wednesday Dear Diary, Well, I mayyyy have jumped the gun a little. But I’m still happy though! I guess I needed that, like a sort of slap in the face, kind of like how Angel used to do when I needed a bit of a wake up, rest his poor bunny soul. But this was like a slap in the mind, if ever such a thing could exist! At the very least, Rainbow and I are talking again. And it’s nice. It’s nice. She’s here on business. But she did tell me that it was good to see me again, and to be honest, I think that was all I needed, really. So I guess we’ve made up even though we haven’t, really? I’ll take it. I’ve learned, as you know, to take whatever I can get. That’s the truth of life, isn’t it? Life and other things. It might be too late for the others, and him, but I will take what I can get. But anyway, before we go down that road once more, let’s talk about Rainbow! So, she’s been very busy being part of Princess Twilight’s personal guard, of course, so it was actually quite a surprise that she made it down here! Yesterday I thought she had just took a bit of leave but it turns out that she really is here on official business. She says that she’s well, and she protects Twilight daily, and that things with her are good as well. Well. Were good. It turns out that she’s here, of all places, to search for Twilight, who disappeared two days ago, but officially disappeared last week. Okay, I know that doesn’t make much sense, so let me try to write it out. Be patient, Diary! A week ago, Twilight decided to embark on this journey to somewhere (Note: be sure to ask Rainbow again tomorrow. She mentioned it but it must have slipped the mind. Strange name.) and she told Rainbow that she had to go alone. Of course, Rainbow, being as stalwart as I remember, decided to follow in secret, as was part of her sworn duty. I do remember her stalwartness! That’s a strange word, really - ‘stalwart.’ Have you ever thought so, Diary? But anyway, she decided to follow Twilight in secret to that place (ask Rainbow tomorrow) and, well, Rainbow described it as a sort of big hole in the ground. I mean, that’s just Rainbow being Rainbow. But reading between the lines, I assume she meant something like a sinkhole of some sort—one of those caverns that just open up in the middle of the forest like a huge gaping maw filled with cute little bats. Honestly, I’m more surprised that Rainbow was stealthy enough to not be noticed! I did ask Rainbow why she hadn’t just gone up to Twilight and brazenly just tell her that she was there for her, you know, like the usual Rainbow would do, but she said that Twilight was oddly adamant about not being followed, and that she would get into a ‘load of ass pulling’ if she were to be seen. She did mention how strange Twilight was acting about it, though, about how furious she had been when Rainbow suggested she tag along, and how oddly fixated Twilight had been over this hole for the past month or so. That prompted Rainbow to follow in the first place, the kind heart. Oh, I have missed her dearly, Diary! I know, I know. I almost sound like I was in love with her or something. But ever since Rarity went quiet and Applejack grew the farm and Pinkie busied herself with work in far-away countries... well, it’s just nice to be able to see a friend again. To be able to remember. There’s a lot of things to remember. But anyway, where was I? Oh, right, Diary! So, Rainbow followed Twilight into a sinkhole (find out where tomorrow) and well, the story gets a little spotty at this point. Rainbow tried her best to describe what was inside the cave, but all she could remember was a lot of ‘shiny black’ stuff. Of course, that meant obsidian deposits, but Rainbow never really knew about all these kind of things! I guess from this we can narrow the location down to the Mountain Region, somewhere. It takes a lot of heat to make obsidian, if I recall, although I’m no expert myself. She also described the inside as ‘oddly sharp and also round’ at the same time, which again, to me, sounds like obsidian. So there you go! It was a great obsidian cavern. What I would have given to see it myself! That must have been glorious. I’d have to find a babysitter for hundreds of recovering animals, though! Hehe, I don’t think anyone could replace me! At the end of a tunnel, Rainbow told me she saw Twilight frantically digging through the ‘shiny blackness,’ and pulling out a thing that she couldn’t quite see. But she said that Twilight spent a good twenty minutes just staring at it, like a dragon does to gems. And now, I know enough to know that dragons are not hypnotized by gems! They aren’t cats! After telling Rainbow off, she told me that Twilight finally left, walking off. And that, Rainbow said, was when she made her mistake! Instead of following Twilight, she noticed something shining in the pile that Twilight had just dug through. And of course, since Rainbow is basically a cat herself (hehe), she couldn’t help but poke around. And she found two items that Twilight missed. Now, of course, you and I are thinking the same thing that Rainbow did, and I definitely asked. Twilight? Missing things? Impossible! But Rainbow said, there they were, like strange twin items that fit together. She told me she couldn’t really describe them because they were so weird, but she promised to show me one tomorrow. The other one, well, she left it with Applejack just in case it could help. So, yeah, we weren’t even the first stop on her journey. But again! It’s okay! Really, Diary. It is. But anyway! So, it was strange but after she stuffed the things into her bag, because maybe Twilight would want them? I think? You know, thinking about it now, that’s quite weird. Rainbow was definitely trying to stay hidden, but then taking these artefacts means that she was definitely there. You know what? She’s going to get in trouble. (Note: remind Rainbow tomorrow that she shouldn’t give the artefacts to Twilight). Wait. But then again... well. Okay, maybe I should finish the story first. And I know, it’s quite long. Sorry, Diary, but there’s been a lot to write about! We’re nearly done though, I promise! Right, Rainbow took the items, and left the cave. But she must have been in there longer than she realised, she said, because by the time she left it was super dark, and full of bats. Even flying, it took her a while to reach the surface, and there was not a single trace of Twilight to be seen. It is possible that Twilight used her teleportation spell, as she is known to do, but Rainbow lost track of her. That was a week ago. And Princess Twilight has not returned to the castle since. I told Rainbow that she was just being silly. After all, Twilight’s done this many, many times in the past. We really should be used to it. But Rainbow insisted that this time was different. That this time, something felt strange. So she came looking for her! I suppose if something had gone wrong, although I don’t see why it would have, then it would be lucky that Rainbow took the artefacts. My guess was that Twilight had fallen down a hole of her own accord—deep into research. So... following the artefacts may indeed point out where Twilight is. However, I still think Rainbow is jumping the gun a little. But she’s loyal, isn’t she? So, so loyal. Anyway, that’s the story, I think. Phew! I’ve written more than I have in a long time, Diary! I hope I didn’t trouble you! Goodnight! Loveacres Reserve Tally Ill/sick: Flying Squirrels - 2 (June Fever) Cottontails - 5 (Defluffed tails)* River Otters - 1 (Swampgut) Opossums - 1 (Played dead too long; now in coma) *Medicate on Thursday (Oh no, it’s spreading!) Duties: Restock bunny feed Fix beaver dam (half done) Harvest Muffinberry flowers P.S. Rainbow is asleep in the guest room, but she left her bag outside. Do you think it would be naughty for me to get a peek at the thing? Curiosity is a nasty enchantress! 14th of March, 1129, Thursday (cont. 2)14th of March, 1129, Thursday (cont. 2) The evening air was cool and refreshing, in more ways than one. After what happened earlier today, we both figured that it would be good to take a break, as it were. Rainbow is still here ‘officially,’ so she isn’t going to get into trouble for taking some personal time. Besides, she was still poking around the town and doing her own investigations, so it’s not like she’s not looking for Twilight (who I still think is fine!) This led me to ask the big question: Why here? Damsire is a pockmark on the face of our great lands. There is nothing grand, nothing huge, nothing spectacular. It is where my sanctuary is, and that is all. The town is perhaps the size Ponyville once was, back in the day (remember Ponyville?) and just like Ponyville, the biggest feature is probably the library that stretches back a hundred years or so, judging by the dust. We have a few lakes nearby, a mountain range, and way too many goats! So, why here? And what was Rainbow looking for? She told me that Applejack was her first stop to see if her network of business partners or whatever it is they call it could find out more about the artefact itself. And here was because of, well, the library. She said it was here or Barnsend, and she just picked here first because of me, really. That is a nice sentiment. Rainbow thought (she’s coming into her own wisdom!) that if Twilight were to go anywhere to research this strange thing she found in a cave, it wouldn’t be back at the castle, because she knew nothing about it yet. Rainbow was very confident that Twilight was unaware of what it was, and all her pre-research didn’t speak of this item. Rainbow said she knew this because Twilight went in thoroughly unprepared, unequipped and unorganized. I did question this, saying that our mutual friend was one known to over-prepare for any situation, and why should this be any different? Rainbow made a fair point, saying it like this: you may pack along your canvas bags if you think you might be going shopping, but if you’re just walking around looking at stuff and won a ‘100th customer’ prize, suddenly you have a new washing machine that you need to carry home yourself. It sort of made sense, I think! I kind of get it, even though I’m not sure how having canvas bags will help with carrying a washing machine home anyway. Somehow, I suppose, Twilight won a contest and brought a washing machine home with her that day. Oh! Well, not home, I suppose. But to research! Rainbow said she overheard Twilight mention the names of these two towns—Barnsend and Damsire—many times in the past when it came to places of deep lore and history. Of course, that may have nothing to do with what happened now, but she figured to come check anyway. So, the library, huh! I don’t even remember the last time anyone stepped hoof or claw into the library here. In fact, it’s been shut ever since I arrived a year back. Its windows are boarded up tightly, not letting in even a fly. Not a single print disturbs the dust that blankets the porch. I shan’t lie, dear Diary. It is a spooky place. And be it that I have grown from my younger, fearful days, there are still things around that cast fear deep into my heart. I never liked that old building. Even the animals stay away. Rainbow told me she would go tomorrow, just to poke around. She isn’t expecting anything, but she told me that she’d just give it a look-see just in case. After which, she’ll be out by tomorrow afternoon onwards to Barnsend. If anywhere, Twilight’ll be there because she’s certainly not here. I told Rainbow to be careful. I’m not sure why. It just felt prudent at the time. Either way, here’s today’s report! Loveacres Reserve Tally Ill/sick: (Flying Squirrels have recovered! Hooray!) Cottontails - 8 (Defluffed tails)* (Otters cured!) Opossums - 1 (Coma) Brown Bear - Stung in ear *Medication is not working. Ahhhhhhhhhh (increase dose) Duties: Porpoises and dolphins—Big argument broke out again. Mediation required tomorrow. Fix beaver dam (2/3rds done) Plant Bluemoon Corn seedlings Clear out old nests to make way for the migration 15th of March, 1129, Friday15th of March, 1129, Friday Not sure why I expected anything else, but Rainbow left without saying goodbye. I guess I deserve it. Of course I deserve it. Or I don’t know Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t x IKNOWWHYITHURTS 17th of March, 1129, Sunday17th of March, 1129, Sunday She swore to me that she didn’t write that. It was a shock, believe me! But I rubbed it right out. I don’t like the idea of someone peeking at you, Diary! I don’t like that someone wrote in you! Who else could it be but Rainbow? Who else is in my house right now? But she swears. She swears that she didn’t. I don’t know what to believe. And of all the things, she knows about that incident so Really! It’s infuriating! It’s baffling! Although honestly The hoofwriting does look like mine. You know what, I no, no. I see now. I’ll have to apologize to Rainbow later for accusing her in such a way. It’s clear. I was tired. I hadn’t even written down yesterday’s animal tally. I’m clearly exhausted, both mentally and physically, due to the sweeping events of the past few days. I must have had one of my episodes And wrote it myself. Before I knew it, I was asleep. You know what, I think I’ll bake a cake for Rainbow. She’d love that. RecipeMaple Glossberry Cake BASE: 1 1/2 cups unsalted butter, softened 3 cups maplebee honey 1 1/2 cup buttermilk 4 cockatrice eggs 4 teaspoons vanilla bean pod-juice 5 cups cake-purpose flour 2 tablespoons ground gingerwort 2 teaspoons baking powder 2 teaspoons baking soda A touch of salt for love and flavour ICING: 1 cup unsalted butter, softened 3 1/2 cups icing sugar, sifted 3 teaspoons maplebee honey 1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla bean pod-juice Dribble of sweet ox milk Bit more salt Directions: Preheat the oven to 180 degrees C. Butter cake pan. Beat butter and sugar together in a bowl until airy. Beat in eggs, one at a time, until mixture is thick but not too thick! Add vanilla and honey, and then slowly incorporate dry ingredients starting with flour. Pour mixture in cake pan, and pop it into the oven. While baking, mix butter, sugar, honey together and whisk until thick. Add vanilla and milk and continue whisking until stiff peaks. Decorate cake with icing and fresh glossberries. 18th of March, 1129, Monday18th of March, 1129, Monday Rainbow went back to the library today, leaving her bag once again in my kitchen. This time, I paid extra attention and well okay maybe too much attention. You know what, I’m curious. I think I’m going to take a quick peek at it. Do you think she’ll mind, dear Diary? Be right back! 18th of March, 1129, Monday18th of March, 1129, Monday I woke up with a strange headache today. But I can’t really describe it as a ‘headache,’ really. It’s more like a head... feeling. Too much feelings in the head. It’s a strange sensation. I must have overdone the cake last night. I definitely had way more than I usually eat, and it’s doing something to my poor insides. I hope Rainbow is alright! She was gone again today. I guess she went to the library. Ugh, okay I have to go. The animals are really noisy today. I wonder what that’s all about. FEELINGSFEELINGS Dear Diary, If she had survived, we were going to call her Clear Skies. It was a name we both agreed on together, to represent the days we left behind. Me especially. It was a promise that we would do what we could to make sure that we would be the best parents possible. No more cowardice from me. No anger from him. For all those months that I carried her, things were probably next to perfect. And then, that day came. It was two months before the the day she was to arrive into this world when the doctor said there was news. Nothing to worry about, he said. It happened once in a wihle, but there was really no reason to be that concerned. An irregular heartbeat could have been for any reason. Sometimes, it could even be due to equipment error. And then a month passed, and news turned to bad news. I was healthy, though. By all accounts. There was ‘nothing wrong.’ We went by, believing those words that there was ‘no reason to be that concerned.’ We trusted it, because the charts and numbers and proof showed us that there was a small, tiny, impossible percentage that something bad would actually happen. And when the day came, I pushed and pushed, and there was no cry. There was no response. ~~I hate I hate I hate I hate I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE~~ I went into a deep depression. As you know, I still find it hard to not blame myself. I was healthy. There was a small chance. But there were no more clear skies. After a week had passed, I ran. I didn’t say goodbye. I couldn’t live with what I had done to him, and what I had done to my child. How I let down my friends and family who supported me and cared and didn’t know what to say. It has haunted me, every day. When I close my eyes, I can still see her face, lying there in the nurse’s hooves as they held me down and took the body away. They did their tests and they tried their best. ~~But I killed her.~~ ~~My broken, wretched body killed her.~~ Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. I didn’t kill her, but the pain of it is like a knife stabbing into my chest over and over and over again. I wish I could be a mother. I wish I hadn’t abandoned my husband. I wish I hadn’t abandoned my friends. I’m sorry. I wish I allowed them to help me. I wish I could have known what life would have been if anything went differently. And that is my story, dear Diary. Will you ever forgive me? x FORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHTFORGIVENESSISSOUGHT 20th of March, 1129, Wednesday20th of March, 1129, Wednesday Good morning, Diary! It worked. It worked a treat. I should have done it a long time ago. But writing it all down, and getting it all out, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my wings. I might one day even be able to fly freely again! Last night, after I closed your cover, I must have went home in a daze. Rainbow is still out; I guess she left early this morning again. But she left the object on my bedroom table this time. I guess she must have come in late last night, and had wanted me to take care of it. But I was out at the pond, as you know, and she probably left it on my nightstand. I got a good look at it for the fir 20th of March, 1129, Wednesday (cont.)20th of March, 1129, Wednesday (cont.) Sorry about that, Diary, I must have wandered away. I found myself tending to the animals. I see that you’ve left me some advice again from last night that I must have missed. ‘Forgiveness is sought.’ I meditated on those words today as I mucked out the animals. I guess what it is, is that deep down I know that the only person who needs to forgive me is well me! How wise you are, Diary! Or is it me? Since I’m writing those words! But it is definitely the truth! I have to forgive myself. Only I can do that, before I can finally move on. Just because I lost before doesn’t mean I can’t gain back again. this thought Has been lodged in my head all morning. It gets stronger and stronger the more I think about it, and it buzzes in my mind like an insect. Strangely, I find that my thoughts are clearest whenever I look upon the obj 20th of March, 1129, Wednesday (cont. 3)20th of March, 1129, Wednesday (cont. 3) Oh! Late entry! Rainbow came back. Really late, but she flew in, face pale, sweat dripping off her hooves. I’d never seen her like this before! She thrust an old, dusty book into my hooves, telling me with quaking voice to take it and burn it. She told me that she was going to take the object that she found and fly it to a volcano and drop it in. That sounded so incredibly unlike her. Of course, I stopped her, calmed her down with a bit of tea, and asked her what was going on. She told me she had been in the library for a while now. Looking and searching and seeking. And finally she found a book that was covered in cobwebs and faded yellow, written entirely by hoof that had a very strange story inside. The story was about a pony who once lived in town much like mine, a pony who wrote books. One day, she was visited by a friend who gave her a gift. The gift then whispered the world to her and she vanished into the sea. And the scary thing, Rainbow told me, was that the story said that it would happen in ‘ten days from now’ and it ended with: ‘You can not save them, Rainbow Dash.’ This, of course, made no sense to me. I was never a very brave pony who enjoyed scary stories, but this one seemed to be quite tame and quite lacking in detail. But Rainbow assured me that somehow, she knew exactly what it meant. But she didn’t know what it was about. She said it was like ‘seeing the edges of things’ or something like that. At that point, Rainbow had descended once more into a frantic mess of nerves and shallow breathing. I had to be sure, and so I asked Rainbow to show me the story in the pages. But try as she might, she couldn’t find a single hint of the story. All that was left in the book were strange scratchings in a language that was unknown to either of us, and maps and drawings of odd shapes that I can’t quite identify but seem oddly familiar. They almost look like shadows of shapes in the dark. Like cut-outs of reality that keep no edge and no form. I told Rainbow that she was exhausted from three full days of busy searching. The silly girl didn’t even realise it had been that long. The spookiness of the library must have gotten to her and conjured up strange stories and frightening glimmers. She went to bed. I told her we’d sort this out in the morning. And we shall! As for the book and her stuff, they’re here with me now, next to me on my nightstand. I think she might be acting in haste, and until I find out what she’s so frightened about, I don’t think I should go around destroying whatever last clues we have Okay That’s weird. I’ve totally forgotten what Rainbow came here for. I’m also very tired. I’ll definitely ask her tomorrow. Yes, let me get some sleep. The way the moonlight bounces off the strange carved stone thing is honestly quite peculiarly beautiful. 22nd of March, 1129, Friday (cont.)22nd of March, 1129, Friday (cont.) I don’t think I will send a message, after all! As I was packing away her things, I decided to look into the book, and I think she’s actually onto something! The title of the book is faded, but it seems to read something like: “A ______ on the _______ of Star-Watching” Originally, I wondered what astrology (or perhaps astronomy in this case?) had to do with anything that was going on, but as I leafed through the pages more and more, it all became quite clear! I think Rainbow had actually found it—a clue to realising what it is I have been seeking all this while! My mood is once again restored, Diary of mine, and yesterday’s shock pales in comparison to this wonderful, wonderful revelation! What I had always wanted was in front of me all along! Right here! But I shall have to cook something up for Rainbow to get her health back! It’s no good to have her be undernourished. RecipeHearty Vegetable Stew INGREDIENTS: 2 cups water 1 cup red wine 1 blue carrot 1/2 sweet potato 1/2 bitter potato 1 medium onion (sliced) 3 cloves garlic 3 sliced buttonnose mushrooms Cumin 1 bay leaf Thyme Oregano 3 tablespoons butter 32 rabbit hearts 1 tablespoon starch to thicken A touch of pepper and salt for love and flavour Directions: Bring mixture of water and wine up to a boil before adding all the vegetable ingredients except for potatoes and garlic, then turn to low and let simmer while covered. In a separate pan over low heat, melt butter and throw in herbs to simmer and extract for a while. Add sliced potatoes and garlic, and let sit until brown. From charred rabbit corpses, crack ribs and extract the hearts. Add to pan, use blood to thicken. Fry on medium until everything turns golden brown, then add contents of pan (including blood-butter mixture) to pot. Let sit for 45 minutes, topping up water as necessary. Season to taste. 22nd of March, 1129, Friday (cont. 2)22nd of March, 1129, Friday (cont. 2) Poor Rainbow is befuddled. I’ve seen it before in recovering animals. But I will be patient, for she is my friend and now a deeper part of me. When she woke, she started ranting and raving like a madhound, asking me what I did to her yesterday and how I managed to do it. She yelled and yelled, hurling accusations at me of how I forced her to watch and what was I doing with the bunnies how there’s no way that I was ‘myself.’ Oh, of course I’m not myself! I have felt more ‘me’ than I have ever before! I am double myself. Both in joy and contentment. But I don’t see what any of that has got to do with the rest of her crazed gibblings. Poor girl. She needs a bit of rest. As for how I removed her from the ritual circle to her bedroom, it was more than simple. I’ve always been particularly good at persuasion, after all! You know, when I put my mind to it! I will consider her request to untie her, but considering how strong she is and how capable she is of violence, I decided not to at the time. The silly dear told me she wasn’t hungry when I brought her her stew, and refused to eat it! She kept yelling and yelling, asking me to let her go so that she could find help and find someone whose name escapes me at the moment. She spilled a heaping spoonful of stew all over my precious quilted sheets when I fed her! Spat it right out! I know she’s sick. But for her own good, I told her sternly that she shall eat the stew, and after a while, she finally gave in and saw reason! I’m so glad for her. And you know what? After a while, she realised how delicious it was, too, for she finished the whole bowl! Note: I realise now that I had been using animals as a way to compensate for that which I longed for. But since I have it now, I no longer will be taking Tally. Henceforth, I will keep them all around for Rainbow’s sake. 23rd of March, 1129, Saturday23rd of March, 1129, Saturday Mmm mmm. Rainbow is getting better by the day. Her skin is drying, and her eyes remain moist, the sign of a healthy mind and healthy heart. She ate her breakfast with no complaints, and her chains are holding fast. After all, they were made for bulls! The way she struggles is cute, but a few gentle lullabies and a gentle persuasion and she gets right back to normal. Eventually, I won’t have to use it on her anymore. She will be willing, and I will be able to release her. I meditated once again by the obelisk. Dear Diary, it is going well, is it not? For lunch today, I researched the finest and most nutritional foods that I could possibly make. I want to make sure my darling grows up healthy, plump and happy. I found inspiration in one of my cookbooks—Tribal Rites of the Wastelands—which recommends eating bear paw as a source of energy and great spiritual power. It’s horrible. I have only one bear, so that means I have only four servings. I will be good for two meals, but tomorrow I will have to find something else. 24th of March, 1129, Sunday24th of March, 1129, Sunday Progress goes smoothly, Dear Diary. The nest is built. A small cradle, out of bones. I had plenty lying around. It shall be for her. All for her. I shall move her there soon. Once she is ready. Once she submits willingly. Today I ate the rest of the bear, and fed some to her. I was ever so hungry. So hungry. I’m hungry. Rainbow cried the whole day today. They talked about this in the parenting books. They will cry all day, sometimes, to get what they want. It is the only way they have to communicate. The trick is to find out what they want. Tell me, Diary. Help me. xFEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED 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FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED 24 of March, 1129, Sunday (co.nt)24 of March, 1129, Sunday (co.nt) Okay RecipeSongbird and Porcupine INGREDIENTS: Songbird Porcupine Directions: Three times clockwise around the table. Inscribe her name upon flesh. The stars will return. They will return for my baby. And I will deliver. Three times anticlockwise around the table. Hold up high the glory of they who come behind. Forever bound in body and spirit are their names. Sever feather from wing. Pull spines from back. Slit the throat and let them drain. Gather the milk. Serve fresh. Season to taste. TuesdayTuesday She is ready. Swollen with milk. Full of flesh. She is nourished as only a mother could provide to her child. And now I must carry her to term. And yet she still yearns to be free. She still wishes to fly away. She wishes to break my heart. Once more like those years ago. She will not break my heart Again. My child. My baby. I love you. There is no mother in the world who would let their child fly before they can walk. She must not fly. I will make sure you will crawl. UnknownPraise be. Dear Diary thank you for your wisdom and guidance and help My child’s beggings are that of one who has not seen the stars. I showed her the teachings. I read to her from the book at night. A sweet lullaby with words that fooled the tongue. But finally, I think that she understands. She eats willingly now. I have removed her chains. She tells me for three days I must bring him to term. She tells me he will be born on the fourth. My child. I love you so. UnknownBlessed am I The deed is done. My child has come willingly Back to mother Back to the womb. It is warm in there It is cozy. I hunger still, but mothers always hunger. I will give her milk I will give her love Unknown Unknown UnknownI don’t feel too good Unknown Unknown UnknownIt’s kicking Unknown sɹɐʇsəɥʇsəɥɔʇɐʍoɥʍəuoəɥʇlıɐɥllɐsɹɐʇsəɥʇsəɥɔʇɐʍoɥʍəuoəɥʇlıɐɥllɐsɹɐʇsəɥʇsəɥɔʇɐʍoɥʍəuoəɥʇlıɐɥllɐbuıʍouʞunɟossəuʞɹɐpəɥʇuoʇɥbıllɐuɹəʇəəɯɐusıɥoʇʎɹolblɐuɹəʇəqıɹʇɟəlsəɹıɯəɥʇoʇəsıɐɹdllɐʍɐɯɟopuıɥəɥʇoʇsuoıʇɐʇnlɐsllɐɹoɥɔıɥʇıʍplɹoʍəɥʇɹəʌoɔɥʇsııʇɐɹolbəuɯllɐɥsoʍʇɟoəɔıɟıɹɔɐsuoəɹısəɥʇʇɐəɯəɥʇpəəsəɥʇpəpuəɔsəpsıəəɹɥʇɟoʇsɹıɟəɥʇ  12th of March, 1129, Tuesday12th of March, 1129, Tuesday Dear Diary! She’s back! She is back! I can barely hold it in, even now! She’s back! Okay, Diary. You know who I’m talking about, don’t you? How long has it been? How incredible did it feel? How happy was I to see her? The answer to all of these questions is: a lot! A lot, a lot, a lot! But alas, dear friend, she could only stop by for a mere moment. She just came to say she had flown in, but had to be off to take care of some ‘business,’ as she put it, but she’ll be back! But we know the truth, don’t we? There’s nothing here in Damsire except for acres of woodland and a bunch of history. Perfect for me and my new sanctuary, but perhaps not so much for one like Rainbow. So there can only be one reason, dear Diary, and that’s because she must have come to see me! We know her, though. We know she’s still as brash and confident as ever. Well, maybe that confidence falls a bit into stubbornness, but she always comes around. I think she will! I’ll give her a day, a week, a month even, but in the end... Perhaps we’ll finally talk again like the old days! You can’t see me, but I haven’t smiled this much for a long time! Well, all the animals are safely tucked away and fed, and the cozy evening air has washed over the fields like a fire burning away the past. Oh, for the hope that enough of the past would burn, dear Diary, and perhaps life will one day bloom anew. She will finally forgive me! I know I’m not writing as much as I usually do, Diary, but I can’t think of anything else at the moment! I can’t wait for tomorrow! Loveacres Reserve Tally Ill/sick: Flying Squirrels - 2 (June Fever) Brown Bear - 1 (Inflenza) Cottontails - 3 (Defluffed tails)* River Otters - 1 (Swampgut) *Medicate on Thursday Duties: Restock bunny feed Fix beaver dam Unclog bee hives 14th of March, 1129, Thursday14th of March, 1129, Thursday Dear Diary I hate everything It’s always my fault EVERYTHING is always my fault Why must the past repeat? Why can’t we just be friends? 14th of March, 1129, Thursday (cont.)14th of March, 1129, Thursday (cont.) Okay. Okay. I over-reacted. I tend to do so around Rainbow. I don’t know why. Maybe you do, Diary, but I am very embarrassed now. I haven’t felt this embarrassed since I was a young filly, back in the days. I never really wanted to go back there, but Rainbow... she makes me feel young. She makes me feel like a filly, hiding away in the corners. Not in a bad way. But in a way where I just can’t control my emotions around her. But—in this case—it wasn’t my fault. I have to say that a lot to myself, but sometimes, things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Okay. I got it. You know, the silly thing is, we argued today because I blamed myself again. It popped up. As you knew it would. She told me I haven’t changed. And I feel that I changed. I have, haven’t I, dear Diary? From those days long ago when I used to cower and cry at everything. The days that honestly bring me a little shame. The days that used to hurt. I am more confident now. I have been for a while. And yet, before Rainbow, things always come apart. But we had a talk about it. We talked about it, and she apologized. She told me that, yes, it was her, not me. And I want to believe it. I wanted to believe it back then, too. Their lives were not on my hooves. I promised myself that I would believe it one day. I’ll have to try. Keep trying. 15th of March, 1129, Friday (cont.)15th of March, 1129, Friday (cont.) I spent some time at the pond, as usual. I’m calm now, dear Diary. I’m okay. It’s sure been a few interesting days, that’s for sure. Some people say to busy yourself with work to clear your head. Twilight would probably give me that advice if she were around. But I’ve always found the quiet methods to be the best. Sometimes, sitting and staring at the stars reflected in a pool, watching them dance and shimmer— It’s peaceful. I start to understand how things work a bit more. You get to think about things a little more deeply, just like the ponds themselves. The clearer the water, the further down you can look. If it’s too busy on the surface, you’ll never get to see how deep it gets. Today I spent a lot of time looking into the darkness of the pond, trying to find where the lights really went. You know I don’t blame her I don’t blame Rainbow. I also left Cloudsdale without a single word. Now I know what it feels like. At least, this time, Rainbow has a proper reason. I don’t think I ever had. Even though everyone says ‘they understand.’ I still feel terrible for what I did. I still feel like it was my fault. Is it my fault, Diary? I know I’ve asked you a thousand times, but I can never answer this question. I wish you had the answers. I wish you could tell me that some mistakes are completely without someone to commit it. But that’s not what mistakes are, are they? No. What I did was murder. Loveacres Reserve Tally Ill/sick: Cottontails - 11 Duties: Seeds 16th of March, 1129, Saturday16th of March, 1129, Saturday There is quite a lot to talk about today, dear Diary, so I’ll try to remember what I can. But I suppose we should start with the most interesting? Important? one. Rainbow hadn’t left at all. She was here the entire time. The amazing thing is, when she finally returned, she thought it was still Friday! And where had she been this entire time? The library! I know I was in a bad mood yesterday but I can’t help giggle to myself at the pure irony of, well, Rainbow being lost in books! All those years of young adult novels finally caught up, I guess. It’s funny that a little under ten years back, she would be the one telling Twilight off for doing the same. Rainbow knocked on my door early this morning, eyes drained of life, shoulders slumped. She looked tired, but the reason for that became incredibly apparent. She told me she was just looking around, poking around in there, like a ‘tomb’ she called it, full of dead trees, and she just kept looking and looking and looking for anything she could, and probably lost track of time. She’s been awake for a day! Poor thing! I sent her off to bed immediately. She also told me something that I’m quite ashamed of now that I think about it. I did, now that I think about it, notice that she had left the bag with the weird object in it in my room. I should have noticed it, really, it was literally there on my kitchen counter for the entire time. I hadn’t even moved it even when I was making myself dinner last night. It is incredible to me how bad I can get sometimes, when my emotions cloud my thoughts to such a degree. But this has always been my issue, even when I was young. The magnification of emotion is such a burden. It sweeps over me like a torrential flood until I am left gasping for air. I had thought time, growth, maturity would solve it, but just like a hyrdasuckle bur, it clings on and refuses to let go. Sometimes it’s just easier to ignore it. Just like the bunnies. And just like a bunny I was left hopping around today, as Rainbow offered me a hoof of assistance. In the end, Rainbow didn’t find anything. But she mentioned she might try again tomorrow before shuffling off to the guest bed. I’m not unhappy with that news. I’ve been alone since Cloudsdale, and I’m remembering what it feels like again, to be part of someone else. But at the same time, it hurts. You know why it hurts, don’t you, dear Diary? Anyway, I’m off to go manage the animals now. 17th of March, 1129, Sunday (cont.)17th of March, 1129, Sunday (cont.) Pinkie once told me that anything could be cured with cake. Maybe that’s true. It was over a maple-glossberry cake that we talked about it. Talked about everything. About what happened, and where things went off. It’s comforting, a little, to know that they actually were mad for a while. That they were angry. At least now I know, and I don’t have to guess. I thought I would be a bit more sad to know that I did cause trouble. But strangely it feels like relief. He’s long gone though. He never forgave me. This is something I can live with. I think. It’s not that we weren’t in love. But after what I did, I guess the only way to describe it is that I’m happy that he’s moved on. Rainbow tells me that he’s found someone new, only recently. But he’s happy. He’s happy. And that’s good. As for myself, dear Diary, we’re happy too, aren’t we? But yes. It’s a relief to know that even though everyone was mad, they too eventually understood. It’s nice to be on the other end for once. It’s nice to know people do actually care. It’s nice to know that you’re not a murderer, isn’t it? Do we need that weight on our hearts and souls? But it was still my fault. And you can’t avoid the truth. No. You can’t avoid the truth. Loveacres Reserve Tally Ill/sick: Cottontails - 18* “Mister Fwiffles” - hairball stuck in throat (Not his own hair???) *Cleary something else is causing this. I’ll have to look into it. Maybe it’s a symptom and not the disease. But what causes defluffed tails? Duties: Flooding out the latrines (Just do it, Fluttershy. It’s part of it!) POSSIBLE army ant territorial take-over. Need to check migratory patterns. 19th of March, 1129, Tuesday (cont.)18th of March, 1129, Monday 19th of March, 1129, Tuesday (cont.) It’s Tuesday. And I don’t remember writing the previous entry. The animals told me I forgot to feed them yesterday and they were quite upset. But I definitely remember feeding them, at least that much! And then we had cake, and then I went to sleep and woke up and that’s it! There’s an entry on the same day, which is yesterday and not today and I’m so confused Okay. I’ve fed the animals and apologized to them all personally. I’ll wait for Rainbow to return. Maybe I need more sleep. The last time I lost a day was just after I left Cloudsdale. It’s just nerves. Dear Diary, please, take these memories from my heart. I wish I could just move on. 19th of March, 1129, Tuesday (cont. 2)19th of March, 1129, Tuesday (cont. 2) I’m at the pond again, now. There’s a strange feeling at the back of my head, like something knocking on a door. Like how squirrels scratch at windows when they want to be let in. Everything is bothering me. Not even the stars in the pond make anything feel better. Maybe it’s time. My therapist told me once that I’d have to face it one day. To be honest. Do you remember, Diary, the first day I started you? And why? I needed a friend. Someone who wouldn’t judge me. Someone who would just listen, and be able to remember every single thing I told it. Someone who I would share with, daily, until the point I felt that it was time to share about the incident. Recently, I’ve felt more and more that maybe it’s now. I’ll see how I feel in a bit. Right now I just want to watch the stars. You’ll give me that, won’t you, Diary? Give me a bit of time? 20th of March, 1129, Wednesday (cont. 2)20th of March, 1129, Wednesday (cont. 2) I feel amazing. I feel like a new pony. I can’t believe that all it took was to write the truth and approach my true feelings. Diary! You’re amazing! Amazing! Thank you so much for helping me get past this. There is a clarity in my thoughts now, almost as if Clear Skies is living once more! To the future, we look, now. In the end, the one thing I want is just waiting for me to reach out and nab it! I just have to seek! Even the animals say there’s a new ‘aura’ about me. They haven’t been clamouring around me for attention and food as much as yesterday. I think I’ve finally been able to attend to them with the due consideration that they deserve. Loveacres Reserve Tally Ill/sick: Cottontails - 32* *I will solve this tomorrow! By hook or by crook! Dear Diary, do you have any ideas? Duties: Fight the army ants. 21st of March, 1129, Thursday21st of March, 1129, Thursday Loveacres Reserve Tally Ill/sick: - Duties: Prepare furnace 22nd of March, 1129, Friday22nd of March, 1129, Friday There’s something wrong with Rainbow. Yesterday I found her. She stood in the middle of I can barely describe it, even after a day. My hoof was shaking so much yesterday I could barely write. I’ve locked her up in the guest room. She remains in a state. It’s catatonia, I’m sure of it. I’ve seen animals go like that during tonic immobility or times of extreme stress, or when I need to control them. But I have no idea what could have possibly possessed her to do what she did. I’m not sure how many were able to get away, but it was so odd that she was able to kill so many Almost as if they just stood there and let themselves be hurt. I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t know how to start describing this, but it was last evening, when I caught Rainbow after she awoke. She had gone through dozens of rabbits, one by one, snapping their necks so violently that the skin tore, causing excessive bleeding. By the time I found her, there was nothing left. The incident happened just behind the house, where the garden meets the Reserve. There was blood all over her hooves and her face, and her eyes were reduced to pinpricks. She stood with her mouth open, in the middle of a ring of rabbit corpses that she had arranged in a circle. The grass almost looked painted. There was a part in the circle that had a small semi-oval line that cut through it, and at the top there was a very distinct triangular shape that intersected the circle of corpses. From the colour of the blood, I could tell she had been standing there for at least half an hour before I found her. Maybe she only stepped there just then, but I’ve seen my fair share of blood and I know how it dries. I don’t know what caused Rainbow to snap like this, but it is not something I think I can overlook. I’ll be sending a message to the castle in a bit. I hope they will send someone to help take Rainbow back. For now, I’ll have to go console the other animals, and lock up the book and object for safekeeping. I am so shaken that I can barely remember anything else that happened these last two days. xFEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED FEED RecipeFried Bear Paw with Taro Root INGREDIENTS: 2 Bear Paws 1 cup breadcrumbs 1/2 cup parmesan cheese 2 eggs 1/4 cup beaver milk Taro Root paprika Pepper Salt Instructions: Gently strip the skin off the tender, marbled flesh, paying attention to the thumb pads where the meat is most delectable. Drain blood and set aside. Cut paw into small chunks, then dip in eggs beaten lightly with milk. Dredge in breadcrumb & cheese mixture, and then return to eggs for a double coat. Finally, sprinkle on salt, pepper and paprika. Deep fry until golden brown (bear). Gently simmer taro root in hot water until soft and stir congealed blood in. Season to taste. 23rd of March, 1129, Saturday (cont.)23rd of March, 1129, Saturday (cont.) I didn’t think my cooking was that bad! Rainbow ended up throwing up after lunch, and I’m not sure why. Everything was cooked to perfection, I’m sure, as I make sure my kitchen remains very clean. But it’s okay in the end, I made sure Rainbow got it all back down. It’s good for her. Although she wasn’t able to move freely while I was suggesting her actions, the look on her face was one of understanding and gratitude. I know she feels the love I have for her! I, too, had some of the bear paw and it was delicious. I don’t know what to do with the rest of the bear, however. He’s sulking in his cave now. I told the other animals to help feed it since we all have to do right by our neighbours, as polite neighbours do! I’m sure he’ll cheer up eventually. I feel that Rainbow might be falling ill. I’ll have to monitor her closely, and make sure that if a bug is creeping up, I’ll squash it. As for the rest of the day, I will be returning to the pond. I need to start work on the nest. 25 March Monday25 March Monday Everything is pretty. The obelisk is home, shining brightly with the stars. My baby cries at night, singing with the nightbirds. Her cot is ready. It hangs from the branch of the willow tree that drapes the pond. that watches the stars. She is sick. Her eyes draw tears of red. Her breathing labours. No living creature should bear the brunt of control for as long as she has. For three full days. For as the mind fights against restraint, its binds only dig deeper into the flesh. And I must lock eyes once more. And ask her nicely, won’t she be quiet? Ask her, please, behave. And eat. Eat your food. It is good. It is healthy. She will need her strength, for her strength is all she has left. Everything else belongs to Mn Date UnknownDate Unknown To anyone who may read this Please. Please listen. Do not look at the object in the storeroom. Do not read the book on the shelf. I beg of you. I am awake after days of being trapped in my own mind. Of being beaten down by forces beyond my command. I do not know what came over me, nor even when it started, but the objects are cursed. All my animals are dead. I don’t know what happened to them but The Loveacres Reserve is now beyond redemption of soul and heart. ~~I have rend Rainb~~ My dear friend is dead. In a haze of mist and blood, I faintly remember what transpired. I struggle to have to describe it, but I must leave some form of proof—some form of account of what has happened here. I believe that Rainbow Dash, proud warrior of Twilight Sparkle’s guard and a good, good friend is inside of me. I do not know how she is in there, but it is a sight and a description that I do not want to write about in full. All I know is that somehow, she is inside of me In pieces. In bits. No other reason would explain all the blood and the axe And the hair that clings to the walls ~~And my distended~~ I can hear her screaming inside my head I can hear her heart beating counter to mine She is inside me I do not know how And I feel now as I felt all those years before, with mere days left to go before something unthinkable crawls out of me. To any who may read this, PLEASE. Do not seek the items. Bury them. I do not know why the obelisk has released its hold on me now for but a few brief hours. But I leave this journal here as warning, and as some kind of I don’t even know what happened But it seems I have been writing still, through my possession, due to what I can only dream of being the last remnants of my soul clinging on. Please Please Please Someone destroy it! PLEASE! I am leaving this book outside the storeroom door so that anyone who comes past, who ventures here for the smell and the sight and the noises and the unbearable lack of holiness, will see. DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR! BURN EVERYTHING! I must go now. I will go to the pond, where I will end it. I can not live. Goodbye forever I’m sorry I’m so, so sorry UnknownI am here at the pond I am ready My dearest Diary It is peaceful So peaceful I sit and watch the stars My child fills me with happiness I will be with her She will be with me And we both will be part of him He will be coming soon I wait for the path to open
13th of March, 1129, Wednesday13th of March, 1129, Wednesday Dear Diary, Well, I mayyyy have jumped the gun a little. But I’m still happy though! I guess I needed that, like a sort of slap in the face, kind of like how Angel used to do when I needed a bit of a wake up, rest his poor bunny soul. But this was like a slap in the mind, if ever such a thing could exist! At the very least, Rainbow and I are talking again. And it’s nice. It’s nice. She’s here on business. But she did tell me that it was good to see me again, and to be honest, I think that was all I needed, really. So I guess we’ve made up even though we haven’t, really? I’ll take it. I’ve learned, as you know, to take whatever I can get. That’s the truth of life, isn’t it? Life and other things. It might be too late for the others, and him, but I will take what I can get. But anyway, before we go down that road once more, let’s talk about Rainbow! So, she’s been very busy being part of Princess Twilight’s personal guard, of course, so it was actually quite a surprise that she made it down here! Yesterday I thought she had just took a bit of leave but it turns out that she really is here on official business. She says that she’s well, and she protects Twilight daily, and that things with her are good as well. Well. Were good. It turns out that she’s here, of all places, to search for Twilight, who disappeared two days ago, but officially disappeared last week. Okay, I know that doesn’t make much sense, so let me try to write it out. Be patient, Diary! A week ago, Twilight decided to embark on this journey to somewhere (Note: be sure to ask Rainbow again tomorrow. She mentioned it but it must have slipped the mind. Strange name.) and she told Rainbow that she had to go alone. Of course, Rainbow, being as stalwart as I remember, decided to follow in secret, as was part of her sworn duty. I do remember her stalwartness! That’s a strange word, really - ‘stalwart.’ Have you ever thought so, Diary? But anyway, she decided to follow Twilight in secret to that place (ask Rainbow tomorrow) and, well, Rainbow described it as a sort of big hole in the ground. I mean, that’s just Rainbow being Rainbow. But reading between the lines, I assume she meant something like a sinkhole of some sort—one of those caverns that just open up in the middle of the forest like a huge gaping maw filled with cute little bats. Honestly, I’m more surprised that Rainbow was stealthy enough to not be noticed! I did ask Rainbow why she hadn’t just gone up to Twilight and brazenly just tell her that she was there for her, you know, like the usual Rainbow would do, but she said that Twilight was oddly adamant about not being followed, and that she would get into a ‘load of ass pulling’ if she were to be seen. She did mention how strange Twilight was acting about it, though, about how furious she had been when Rainbow suggested she tag along, and how oddly fixated Twilight had been over this hole for the past month or so. That prompted Rainbow to follow in the first place, the kind heart. Oh, I have missed her dearly, Diary! I know, I know. I almost sound like I was in love with her or something. But ever since Rarity went quiet and Applejack grew the farm and Pinkie busied herself with work in far-away countries... well, it’s just nice to be able to see a friend again. To be able to remember. There’s a lot of things to remember. But anyway, where was I? Oh, right, Diary! So, Rainbow followed Twilight into a sinkhole (find out where tomorrow) and well, the story gets a little spotty at this point. Rainbow tried her best to describe what was inside the cave, but all she could remember was a lot of ‘shiny black’ stuff. Of course, that meant obsidian deposits, but Rainbow never really knew about all these kind of things! I guess from this we can narrow the location down to the Mountain Region, somewhere. It takes a lot of heat to make obsidian, if I recall, although I’m no expert myself. She also described the inside as ‘oddly sharp and also round’ at the same time, which again, to me, sounds like obsidian. So there you go! It was a great obsidian cavern. What I would have given to see it myself! That must have been glorious. I’d have to find a babysitter for hundreds of recovering animals, though! Hehe, I don’t think anyone could replace me! At the end of a tunnel, Rainbow told me she saw Twilight frantically digging through the ‘shiny blackness,’ and pulling out a thing that she couldn’t quite see. But she said that Twilight spent a good twenty minutes just staring at it, like a dragon does to gems. And now, I know enough to know that dragons are not hypnotized by gems! They aren’t cats! After telling Rainbow off, she told me that Twilight finally left, walking off. And that, Rainbow said, was when she made her mistake! Instead of following Twilight, she noticed something shining in the pile that Twilight had just dug through. And of course, since Rainbow is basically a cat herself (hehe), she couldn’t help but poke around. And she found two items that Twilight missed. Now, of course, you and I are thinking the same thing that Rainbow did, and I definitely asked. Twilight? Missing things? Impossible! But Rainbow said, there they were, like strange twin items that fit together. She told me she couldn’t really describe them because they were so weird, but she promised to show me one tomorrow. The other one, well, she left it with Applejack just in case it could help. So, yeah, we weren’t even the first stop on her journey. But again! It’s okay! Really, Diary. It is. But anyway! So, it was strange but after she stuffed the things into her bag, because maybe Twilight would want them? I think? You know, thinking about it now, that’s quite weird. Rainbow was definitely trying to stay hidden, but then taking these artefacts means that she was definitely there. You know what? She’s going to get in trouble. (Note: remind Rainbow tomorrow that she shouldn’t give the artefacts to Twilight). Wait. But then again... well. Okay, maybe I should finish the story first. And I know, it’s quite long. Sorry, Diary, but there’s been a lot to write about! We’re nearly done though, I promise! Right, Rainbow took the items, and left the cave. But she must have been in there longer than she realised, she said, because by the time she left it was super dark, and full of bats. Even flying, it took her a while to reach the surface, and there was not a single trace of Twilight to be seen. It is possible that Twilight used her teleportation spell, as she is known to do, but Rainbow lost track of her. That was a week ago. And Princess Twilight has not returned to the castle since. I told Rainbow that she was just being silly. After all, Twilight’s done this many, many times in the past. We really should be used to it. But Rainbow insisted that this time was different. That this time, something felt strange. So she came looking for her! I suppose if something had gone wrong, although I don’t see why it would have, then it would be lucky that Rainbow took the artefacts. My guess was that Twilight had fallen down a hole of her own accord—deep into research. So... following the artefacts may indeed point out where Twilight is. However, I still think Rainbow is jumping the gun a little. But she’s loyal, isn’t she? So, so loyal. Anyway, that’s the story, I think. Phew! I’ve written more than I have in a long time, Diary! I hope I didn’t trouble you! Goodnight! Loveacres Reserve Tally Ill/sick: Flying Squirrels - 2 (June Fever) Cottontails - 5 (Defluffed tails)* River Otters - 1 (Swampgut) Opossums - 1 (Played dead too long; now in coma) *Medicate on Thursday (Oh no, it’s spreading!) Duties: Restock bunny feed Fix beaver dam (half done) Harvest Muffinberry flowers P.S. Rainbow is asleep in the guest room, but she left her bag outside. Do you think it would be naughty for me to get a peek at the thing? Curiosity is a nasty enchantress!
14th of March, 1129, Thursday (cont. 2)14th of March, 1129, Thursday (cont. 2) The evening air was cool and refreshing, in more ways than one. After what happened earlier today, we both figured that it would be good to take a break, as it were. Rainbow is still here ‘officially,’ so she isn’t going to get into trouble for taking some personal time. Besides, she was still poking around the town and doing her own investigations, so it’s not like she’s not looking for Twilight (who I still think is fine!) This led me to ask the big question: Why here? Damsire is a pockmark on the face of our great lands. There is nothing grand, nothing huge, nothing spectacular. It is where my sanctuary is, and that is all. The town is perhaps the size Ponyville once was, back in the day (remember Ponyville?) and just like Ponyville, the biggest feature is probably the library that stretches back a hundred years or so, judging by the dust. We have a few lakes nearby, a mountain range, and way too many goats! So, why here? And what was Rainbow looking for? She told me that Applejack was her first stop to see if her network of business partners or whatever it is they call it could find out more about the artefact itself. And here was because of, well, the library. She said it was here or Barnsend, and she just picked here first because of me, really. That is a nice sentiment. Rainbow thought (she’s coming into her own wisdom!) that if Twilight were to go anywhere to research this strange thing she found in a cave, it wouldn’t be back at the castle, because she knew nothing about it yet. Rainbow was very confident that Twilight was unaware of what it was, and all her pre-research didn’t speak of this item. Rainbow said she knew this because Twilight went in thoroughly unprepared, unequipped and unorganized. I did question this, saying that our mutual friend was one known to over-prepare for any situation, and why should this be any different? Rainbow made a fair point, saying it like this: you may pack along your canvas bags if you think you might be going shopping, but if you’re just walking around looking at stuff and won a ‘100th customer’ prize, suddenly you have a new washing machine that you need to carry home yourself. It sort of made sense, I think! I kind of get it, even though I’m not sure how having canvas bags will help with carrying a washing machine home anyway. Somehow, I suppose, Twilight won a contest and brought a washing machine home with her that day. Oh! Well, not home, I suppose. But to research! Rainbow said she overheard Twilight mention the names of these two towns—Barnsend and Damsire—many times in the past when it came to places of deep lore and history. Of course, that may have nothing to do with what happened now, but she figured to come check anyway. So, the library, huh! I don’t even remember the last time anyone stepped hoof or claw into the library here. In fact, it’s been shut ever since I arrived a year back. Its windows are boarded up tightly, not letting in even a fly. Not a single print disturbs the dust that blankets the porch. I shan’t lie, dear Diary. It is a spooky place. And be it that I have grown from my younger, fearful days, there are still things around that cast fear deep into my heart. I never liked that old building. Even the animals stay away. Rainbow told me she would go tomorrow, just to poke around. She isn’t expecting anything, but she told me that she’d just give it a look-see just in case. After which, she’ll be out by tomorrow afternoon onwards to Barnsend. If anywhere, Twilight’ll be there because she’s certainly not here. I told Rainbow to be careful. I’m not sure why. It just felt prudent at the time. Either way, here’s today’s report! Loveacres Reserve Tally Ill/sick: (Flying Squirrels have recovered! Hooray!) Cottontails - 8 (Defluffed tails)* (Otters cured!) Opossums - 1 (Coma) Brown Bear - Stung in ear *Medication is not working. Ahhhhhhhhhh (increase dose) Duties: Porpoises and dolphins—Big argument broke out again. Mediation required tomorrow. Fix beaver dam (2/3rds done) Plant Bluemoon Corn seedlings Clear out old nests to make way for the migration
15th of March, 1129, Friday15th of March, 1129, Friday Not sure why I expected anything else, but Rainbow left without saying goodbye. I guess I deserve it. Of course I deserve it. Or I don’t know Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t
17th of March, 1129, Sunday17th of March, 1129, Sunday She swore to me that she didn’t write that. It was a shock, believe me! But I rubbed it right out. I don’t like the idea of someone peeking at you, Diary! I don’t like that someone wrote in you! Who else could it be but Rainbow? Who else is in my house right now? But she swears. She swears that she didn’t. I don’t know what to believe. And of all the things, she knows about that incident so Really! It’s infuriating! It’s baffling! Although honestly The hoofwriting does look like mine. You know what, I no, no. I see now. I’ll have to apologize to Rainbow later for accusing her in such a way. It’s clear. I was tired. I hadn’t even written down yesterday’s animal tally. I’m clearly exhausted, both mentally and physically, due to the sweeping events of the past few days. I must have had one of my episodes And wrote it myself. Before I knew it, I was asleep. You know what, I think I’ll bake a cake for Rainbow. She’d love that.
RecipeMaple Glossberry Cake BASE: 1 1/2 cups unsalted butter, softened 3 cups maplebee honey 1 1/2 cup buttermilk 4 cockatrice eggs 4 teaspoons vanilla bean pod-juice 5 cups cake-purpose flour 2 tablespoons ground gingerwort 2 teaspoons baking powder 2 teaspoons baking soda A touch of salt for love and flavour ICING: 1 cup unsalted butter, softened 3 1/2 cups icing sugar, sifted 3 teaspoons maplebee honey 1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla bean pod-juice Dribble of sweet ox milk Bit more salt Directions: Preheat the oven to 180 degrees C. Butter cake pan. Beat butter and sugar together in a bowl until airy. Beat in eggs, one at a time, until mixture is thick but not too thick! Add vanilla and honey, and then slowly incorporate dry ingredients starting with flour. Pour mixture in cake pan, and pop it into the oven. While baking, mix butter, sugar, honey together and whisk until thick. Add vanilla and milk and continue whisking until stiff peaks. Decorate cake with icing and fresh glossberries.
18th of March, 1129, Monday18th of March, 1129, Monday Rainbow went back to the library today, leaving her bag once again in my kitchen. This time, I paid extra attention and well okay maybe too much attention. You know what, I’m curious. I think I’m going to take a quick peek at it. Do you think she’ll mind, dear Diary? Be right back!
18th of March, 1129, Monday18th of March, 1129, Monday I woke up with a strange headache today. But I can’t really describe it as a ‘headache,’ really. It’s more like a head... feeling. Too much feelings in the head. It’s a strange sensation. I must have overdone the cake last night. I definitely had way more than I usually eat, and it’s doing something to my poor insides. I hope Rainbow is alright! She was gone again today. I guess she went to the library. Ugh, okay I have to go. The animals are really noisy today. I wonder what that’s all about.
FEELINGSFEELINGS Dear Diary, If she had survived, we were going to call her Clear Skies. It was a name we both agreed on together, to represent the days we left behind. Me especially. It was a promise that we would do what we could to make sure that we would be the best parents possible. No more cowardice from me. No anger from him. For all those months that I carried her, things were probably next to perfect. And then, that day came. It was two months before the the day she was to arrive into this world when the doctor said there was news. Nothing to worry about, he said. It happened once in a wihle, but there was really no reason to be that concerned. An irregular heartbeat could have been for any reason. Sometimes, it could even be due to equipment error. And then a month passed, and news turned to bad news. I was healthy, though. By all accounts. There was ‘nothing wrong.’ We went by, believing those words that there was ‘no reason to be that concerned.’ We trusted it, because the charts and numbers and proof showed us that there was a small, tiny, impossible percentage that something bad would actually happen. And when the day came, I pushed and pushed, and there was no cry. There was no response. ~~I hate I hate I hate I hate I HATE I HATE I HATE I HATE~~ I went into a deep depression. As you know, I still find it hard to not blame myself. I was healthy. There was a small chance. But there were no more clear skies. After a week had passed, I ran. I didn’t say goodbye. I couldn’t live with what I had done to him, and what I had done to my child. How I let down my friends and family who supported me and cared and didn’t know what to say. It has haunted me, every day. When I close my eyes, I can still see her face, lying there in the nurse’s hooves as they held me down and took the body away. They did their tests and they tried their best. ~~But I killed her.~~ ~~My broken, wretched body killed her.~~ Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. I didn’t kill her, but the pain of it is like a knife stabbing into my chest over and over and over again. I wish I could be a mother. I wish I hadn’t abandoned my husband. I wish I hadn’t abandoned my friends. I’m sorry. I wish I allowed them to help me. I wish I could have known what life would have been if anything went differently. And that is my story, dear Diary. Will you ever forgive me?
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20th of March, 1129, Wednesday20th of March, 1129, Wednesday Good morning, Diary! It worked. It worked a treat. I should have done it a long time ago. But writing it all down, and getting it all out, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my wings. I might one day even be able to fly freely again! Last night, after I closed your cover, I must have went home in a daze. Rainbow is still out; I guess she left early this morning again. But she left the object on my bedroom table this time. I guess she must have come in late last night, and had wanted me to take care of it. But I was out at the pond, as you know, and she probably left it on my nightstand. I got a good look at it for the fir
20th of March, 1129, Wednesday (cont.)20th of March, 1129, Wednesday (cont.) Sorry about that, Diary, I must have wandered away. I found myself tending to the animals. I see that you’ve left me some advice again from last night that I must have missed. ‘Forgiveness is sought.’ I meditated on those words today as I mucked out the animals. I guess what it is, is that deep down I know that the only person who needs to forgive me is well me! How wise you are, Diary! Or is it me? Since I’m writing those words! But it is definitely the truth! I have to forgive myself. Only I can do that, before I can finally move on. Just because I lost before doesn’t mean I can’t gain back again. this thought Has been lodged in my head all morning. It gets stronger and stronger the more I think about it, and it buzzes in my mind like an insect. Strangely, I find that my thoughts are clearest whenever I look upon the obj
20th of March, 1129, Wednesday (cont. 3)20th of March, 1129, Wednesday (cont. 3) Oh! Late entry! Rainbow came back. Really late, but she flew in, face pale, sweat dripping off her hooves. I’d never seen her like this before! She thrust an old, dusty book into my hooves, telling me with quaking voice to take it and burn it. She told me that she was going to take the object that she found and fly it to a volcano and drop it in. That sounded so incredibly unlike her. Of course, I stopped her, calmed her down with a bit of tea, and asked her what was going on. She told me she had been in the library for a while now. Looking and searching and seeking. And finally she found a book that was covered in cobwebs and faded yellow, written entirely by hoof that had a very strange story inside. The story was about a pony who once lived in town much like mine, a pony who wrote books. One day, she was visited by a friend who gave her a gift. The gift then whispered the world to her and she vanished into the sea. And the scary thing, Rainbow told me, was that the story said that it would happen in ‘ten days from now’ and it ended with: ‘You can not save them, Rainbow Dash.’ This, of course, made no sense to me. I was never a very brave pony who enjoyed scary stories, but this one seemed to be quite tame and quite lacking in detail. But Rainbow assured me that somehow, she knew exactly what it meant. But she didn’t know what it was about. She said it was like ‘seeing the edges of things’ or something like that. At that point, Rainbow had descended once more into a frantic mess of nerves and shallow breathing. I had to be sure, and so I asked Rainbow to show me the story in the pages. But try as she might, she couldn’t find a single hint of the story. All that was left in the book were strange scratchings in a language that was unknown to either of us, and maps and drawings of odd shapes that I can’t quite identify but seem oddly familiar. They almost look like shadows of shapes in the dark. Like cut-outs of reality that keep no edge and no form. I told Rainbow that she was exhausted from three full days of busy searching. The silly girl didn’t even realise it had been that long. The spookiness of the library must have gotten to her and conjured up strange stories and frightening glimmers. She went to bed. I told her we’d sort this out in the morning. And we shall! As for the book and her stuff, they’re here with me now, next to me on my nightstand. I think she might be acting in haste, and until I find out what she’s so frightened about, I don’t think I should go around destroying whatever last clues we have Okay That’s weird. I’ve totally forgotten what Rainbow came here for. I’m also very tired. I’ll definitely ask her tomorrow. Yes, let me get some sleep. The way the moonlight bounces off the strange carved stone thing is honestly quite peculiarly beautiful.
22nd of March, 1129, Friday (cont.)22nd of March, 1129, Friday (cont.) I don’t think I will send a message, after all! As I was packing away her things, I decided to look into the book, and I think she’s actually onto something! The title of the book is faded, but it seems to read something like: “A ______ on the _______ of Star-Watching” Originally, I wondered what astrology (or perhaps astronomy in this case?) had to do with anything that was going on, but as I leafed through the pages more and more, it all became quite clear! I think Rainbow had actually found it—a clue to realising what it is I have been seeking all this while! My mood is once again restored, Diary of mine, and yesterday’s shock pales in comparison to this wonderful, wonderful revelation! What I had always wanted was in front of me all along! Right here! But I shall have to cook something up for Rainbow to get her health back! It’s no good to have her be undernourished.
RecipeHearty Vegetable Stew INGREDIENTS: 2 cups water 1 cup red wine 1 blue carrot 1/2 sweet potato 1/2 bitter potato 1 medium onion (sliced) 3 cloves garlic 3 sliced buttonnose mushrooms Cumin 1 bay leaf Thyme Oregano 3 tablespoons butter 32 rabbit hearts 1 tablespoon starch to thicken A touch of pepper and salt for love and flavour Directions: Bring mixture of water and wine up to a boil before adding all the vegetable ingredients except for potatoes and garlic, then turn to low and let simmer while covered. In a separate pan over low heat, melt butter and throw in herbs to simmer and extract for a while. Add sliced potatoes and garlic, and let sit until brown. From charred rabbit corpses, crack ribs and extract the hearts. Add to pan, use blood to thicken. Fry on medium until everything turns golden brown, then add contents of pan (including blood-butter mixture) to pot. Let sit for 45 minutes, topping up water as necessary. Season to taste.
22nd of March, 1129, Friday (cont. 2)22nd of March, 1129, Friday (cont. 2) Poor Rainbow is befuddled. I’ve seen it before in recovering animals. But I will be patient, for she is my friend and now a deeper part of me. When she woke, she started ranting and raving like a madhound, asking me what I did to her yesterday and how I managed to do it. She yelled and yelled, hurling accusations at me of how I forced her to watch and what was I doing with the bunnies how there’s no way that I was ‘myself.’ Oh, of course I’m not myself! I have felt more ‘me’ than I have ever before! I am double myself. Both in joy and contentment. But I don’t see what any of that has got to do with the rest of her crazed gibblings. Poor girl. She needs a bit of rest. As for how I removed her from the ritual circle to her bedroom, it was more than simple. I’ve always been particularly good at persuasion, after all! You know, when I put my mind to it! I will consider her request to untie her, but considering how strong she is and how capable she is of violence, I decided not to at the time. The silly dear told me she wasn’t hungry when I brought her her stew, and refused to eat it! She kept yelling and yelling, asking me to let her go so that she could find help and find someone whose name escapes me at the moment. She spilled a heaping spoonful of stew all over my precious quilted sheets when I fed her! Spat it right out! I know she’s sick. But for her own good, I told her sternly that she shall eat the stew, and after a while, she finally gave in and saw reason! I’m so glad for her. And you know what? After a while, she realised how delicious it was, too, for she finished the whole bowl! Note: I realise now that I had been using animals as a way to compensate for that which I longed for. But since I have it now, I no longer will be taking Tally. Henceforth, I will keep them all around for Rainbow’s sake.
23rd of March, 1129, Saturday23rd of March, 1129, Saturday Mmm mmm. Rainbow is getting better by the day. Her skin is drying, and her eyes remain moist, the sign of a healthy mind and healthy heart. She ate her breakfast with no complaints, and her chains are holding fast. After all, they were made for bulls! The way she struggles is cute, but a few gentle lullabies and a gentle persuasion and she gets right back to normal. Eventually, I won’t have to use it on her anymore. She will be willing, and I will be able to release her. I meditated once again by the obelisk. Dear Diary, it is going well, is it not? For lunch today, I researched the finest and most nutritional foods that I could possibly make. I want to make sure my darling grows up healthy, plump and happy. I found inspiration in one of my cookbooks—Tribal Rites of the Wastelands—which recommends eating bear paw as a source of energy and great spiritual power. It’s horrible. I have only one bear, so that means I have only four servings. I will be good for two meals, but tomorrow I will have to find something else.
24th of March, 1129, Sunday24th of March, 1129, Sunday Progress goes smoothly, Dear Diary. The nest is built. A small cradle, out of bones. I had plenty lying around. It shall be for her. All for her. I shall move her there soon. Once she is ready. Once she submits willingly. Today I ate the rest of the bear, and fed some to her. I was ever so hungry. So hungry. I’m hungry. Rainbow cried the whole day today. They talked about this in the parenting books. They will cry all day, sometimes, to get what they want. It is the only way they have to communicate. The trick is to find out what they want. Tell me, Diary. Help me.
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RecipeSongbird and Porcupine INGREDIENTS: Songbird Porcupine Directions: Three times clockwise around the table. Inscribe her name upon flesh. The stars will return. They will return for my baby. And I will deliver. Three times anticlockwise around the table. Hold up high the glory of they who come behind. Forever bound in body and spirit are their names. Sever feather from wing. Pull spines from back. Slit the throat and let them drain. Gather the milk. Serve fresh. Season to taste.
TuesdayTuesday She is ready. Swollen with milk. Full of flesh. She is nourished as only a mother could provide to her child. And now I must carry her to term. And yet she still yearns to be free. She still wishes to fly away. She wishes to break my heart. Once more like those years ago. She will not break my heart Again. My child. My baby. I love you. There is no mother in the world who would let their child fly before they can walk. She must not fly. I will make sure you will crawl.
UnknownPraise be. Dear Diary thank you for your wisdom and guidance and help My child’s beggings are that of one who has not seen the stars. I showed her the teachings. I read to her from the book at night. A sweet lullaby with words that fooled the tongue. But finally, I think that she understands. She eats willingly now. I have removed her chains. She tells me for three days I must bring him to term. She tells me he will be born on the fourth. My child. I love you so.
UnknownBlessed am I The deed is done. My child has come willingly Back to mother Back to the womb. It is warm in there It is cozy. I hunger still, but mothers always hunger. I will give her milk I will give her love
Unknown sɹɐʇsəɥʇsəɥɔʇɐʍoɥʍəuoəɥʇlıɐɥllɐsɹɐʇsəɥʇsəɥɔʇɐʍoɥʍəuoəɥʇlıɐɥllɐsɹɐʇsəɥʇsəɥɔʇɐʍoɥʍəuoəɥʇlıɐɥllɐbuıʍouʞunɟossəuʞɹɐpəɥʇuoʇɥbıllɐuɹəʇəəɯɐusıɥoʇʎɹolblɐuɹəʇəqıɹʇɟəlsəɹıɯəɥʇoʇəsıɐɹdllɐʍɐɯɟopuıɥəɥʇoʇsuoıʇɐʇnlɐsllɐɹoɥɔıɥʇıʍplɹoʍəɥʇɹəʌoɔɥʇsııʇɐɹolbəuɯllɐɥsoʍʇɟoəɔıɟıɹɔɐsuoəɹısəɥʇʇɐəɯəɥʇpəəsəɥʇpəpuəɔsəpsıəəɹɥʇɟoʇsɹıɟəɥʇ 
12th of March, 1129, Tuesday12th of March, 1129, Tuesday Dear Diary! She’s back! She is back! I can barely hold it in, even now! She’s back! Okay, Diary. You know who I’m talking about, don’t you? How long has it been? How incredible did it feel? How happy was I to see her? The answer to all of these questions is: a lot! A lot, a lot, a lot! But alas, dear friend, she could only stop by for a mere moment. She just came to say she had flown in, but had to be off to take care of some ‘business,’ as she put it, but she’ll be back! But we know the truth, don’t we? There’s nothing here in Damsire except for acres of woodland and a bunch of history. Perfect for me and my new sanctuary, but perhaps not so much for one like Rainbow. So there can only be one reason, dear Diary, and that’s because she must have come to see me! We know her, though. We know she’s still as brash and confident as ever. Well, maybe that confidence falls a bit into stubbornness, but she always comes around. I think she will! I’ll give her a day, a week, a month even, but in the end... Perhaps we’ll finally talk again like the old days! You can’t see me, but I haven’t smiled this much for a long time! Well, all the animals are safely tucked away and fed, and the cozy evening air has washed over the fields like a fire burning away the past. Oh, for the hope that enough of the past would burn, dear Diary, and perhaps life will one day bloom anew. She will finally forgive me! I know I’m not writing as much as I usually do, Diary, but I can’t think of anything else at the moment! I can’t wait for tomorrow! Loveacres Reserve Tally Ill/sick: Flying Squirrels - 2 (June Fever) Brown Bear - 1 (Inflenza) Cottontails - 3 (Defluffed tails)* River Otters - 1 (Swampgut) *Medicate on Thursday Duties: Restock bunny feed Fix beaver dam Unclog bee hives
14th of March, 1129, Thursday14th of March, 1129, Thursday Dear Diary I hate everything It’s always my fault EVERYTHING is always my fault Why must the past repeat? Why can’t we just be friends?
14th of March, 1129, Thursday (cont.)14th of March, 1129, Thursday (cont.) Okay. Okay. I over-reacted. I tend to do so around Rainbow. I don’t know why. Maybe you do, Diary, but I am very embarrassed now. I haven’t felt this embarrassed since I was a young filly, back in the days. I never really wanted to go back there, but Rainbow... she makes me feel young. She makes me feel like a filly, hiding away in the corners. Not in a bad way. But in a way where I just can’t control my emotions around her. But—in this case—it wasn’t my fault. I have to say that a lot to myself, but sometimes, things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Sometimes things aren’t my fault. Okay. I got it. You know, the silly thing is, we argued today because I blamed myself again. It popped up. As you knew it would. She told me I haven’t changed. And I feel that I changed. I have, haven’t I, dear Diary? From those days long ago when I used to cower and cry at everything. The days that honestly bring me a little shame. The days that used to hurt. I am more confident now. I have been for a while. And yet, before Rainbow, things always come apart. But we had a talk about it. We talked about it, and she apologized. She told me that, yes, it was her, not me. And I want to believe it. I wanted to believe it back then, too. Their lives were not on my hooves. I promised myself that I would believe it one day. I’ll have to try. Keep trying.
15th of March, 1129, Friday (cont.)15th of March, 1129, Friday (cont.) I spent some time at the pond, as usual. I’m calm now, dear Diary. I’m okay. It’s sure been a few interesting days, that’s for sure. Some people say to busy yourself with work to clear your head. Twilight would probably give me that advice if she were around. But I’ve always found the quiet methods to be the best. Sometimes, sitting and staring at the stars reflected in a pool, watching them dance and shimmer— It’s peaceful. I start to understand how things work a bit more. You get to think about things a little more deeply, just like the ponds themselves. The clearer the water, the further down you can look. If it’s too busy on the surface, you’ll never get to see how deep it gets. Today I spent a lot of time looking into the darkness of the pond, trying to find where the lights really went. You know I don’t blame her I don’t blame Rainbow. I also left Cloudsdale without a single word. Now I know what it feels like. At least, this time, Rainbow has a proper reason. I don’t think I ever had. Even though everyone says ‘they understand.’ I still feel terrible for what I did. I still feel like it was my fault. Is it my fault, Diary? I know I’ve asked you a thousand times, but I can never answer this question. I wish you had the answers. I wish you could tell me that some mistakes are completely without someone to commit it. But that’s not what mistakes are, are they? No. What I did was murder. Loveacres Reserve Tally Ill/sick: Cottontails - 11 Duties: Seeds
16th of March, 1129, Saturday16th of March, 1129, Saturday There is quite a lot to talk about today, dear Diary, so I’ll try to remember what I can. But I suppose we should start with the most interesting? Important? one. Rainbow hadn’t left at all. She was here the entire time. The amazing thing is, when she finally returned, she thought it was still Friday! And where had she been this entire time? The library! I know I was in a bad mood yesterday but I can’t help giggle to myself at the pure irony of, well, Rainbow being lost in books! All those years of young adult novels finally caught up, I guess. It’s funny that a little under ten years back, she would be the one telling Twilight off for doing the same. Rainbow knocked on my door early this morning, eyes drained of life, shoulders slumped. She looked tired, but the reason for that became incredibly apparent. She told me she was just looking around, poking around in there, like a ‘tomb’ she called it, full of dead trees, and she just kept looking and looking and looking for anything she could, and probably lost track of time. She’s been awake for a day! Poor thing! I sent her off to bed immediately. She also told me something that I’m quite ashamed of now that I think about it. I did, now that I think about it, notice that she had left the bag with the weird object in it in my room. I should have noticed it, really, it was literally there on my kitchen counter for the entire time. I hadn’t even moved it even when I was making myself dinner last night. It is incredible to me how bad I can get sometimes, when my emotions cloud my thoughts to such a degree. But this has always been my issue, even when I was young. The magnification of emotion is such a burden. It sweeps over me like a torrential flood until I am left gasping for air. I had thought time, growth, maturity would solve it, but just like a hyrdasuckle bur, it clings on and refuses to let go. Sometimes it’s just easier to ignore it. Just like the bunnies. And just like a bunny I was left hopping around today, as Rainbow offered me a hoof of assistance. In the end, Rainbow didn’t find anything. But she mentioned she might try again tomorrow before shuffling off to the guest bed. I’m not unhappy with that news. I’ve been alone since Cloudsdale, and I’m remembering what it feels like again, to be part of someone else. But at the same time, it hurts. You know why it hurts, don’t you, dear Diary? Anyway, I’m off to go manage the animals now.
17th of March, 1129, Sunday (cont.)17th of March, 1129, Sunday (cont.) Pinkie once told me that anything could be cured with cake. Maybe that’s true. It was over a maple-glossberry cake that we talked about it. Talked about everything. About what happened, and where things went off. It’s comforting, a little, to know that they actually were mad for a while. That they were angry. At least now I know, and I don’t have to guess. I thought I would be a bit more sad to know that I did cause trouble. But strangely it feels like relief. He’s long gone though. He never forgave me. This is something I can live with. I think. It’s not that we weren’t in love. But after what I did, I guess the only way to describe it is that I’m happy that he’s moved on. Rainbow tells me that he’s found someone new, only recently. But he’s happy. He’s happy. And that’s good. As for myself, dear Diary, we’re happy too, aren’t we? But yes. It’s a relief to know that even though everyone was mad, they too eventually understood. It’s nice to be on the other end for once. It’s nice to know people do actually care. It’s nice to know that you’re not a murderer, isn’t it? Do we need that weight on our hearts and souls? But it was still my fault. And you can’t avoid the truth. No. You can’t avoid the truth. Loveacres Reserve Tally Ill/sick: Cottontails - 18* “Mister Fwiffles” - hairball stuck in throat (Not his own hair???) *Cleary something else is causing this. I’ll have to look into it. Maybe it’s a symptom and not the disease. But what causes defluffed tails? Duties: Flooding out the latrines (Just do it, Fluttershy. It’s part of it!) POSSIBLE army ant territorial take-over. Need to check migratory patterns.
19th of March, 1129, Tuesday (cont.)18th of March, 1129, Monday 19th of March, 1129, Tuesday (cont.) It’s Tuesday. And I don’t remember writing the previous entry. The animals told me I forgot to feed them yesterday and they were quite upset. But I definitely remember feeding them, at least that much! And then we had cake, and then I went to sleep and woke up and that’s it! There’s an entry on the same day, which is yesterday and not today and I’m so confused Okay. I’ve fed the animals and apologized to them all personally. I’ll wait for Rainbow to return. Maybe I need more sleep. The last time I lost a day was just after I left Cloudsdale. It’s just nerves. Dear Diary, please, take these memories from my heart. I wish I could just move on.
19th of March, 1129, Tuesday (cont. 2)19th of March, 1129, Tuesday (cont. 2) I’m at the pond again, now. There’s a strange feeling at the back of my head, like something knocking on a door. Like how squirrels scratch at windows when they want to be let in. Everything is bothering me. Not even the stars in the pond make anything feel better. Maybe it’s time. My therapist told me once that I’d have to face it one day. To be honest. Do you remember, Diary, the first day I started you? And why? I needed a friend. Someone who wouldn’t judge me. Someone who would just listen, and be able to remember every single thing I told it. Someone who I would share with, daily, until the point I felt that it was time to share about the incident. Recently, I’ve felt more and more that maybe it’s now. I’ll see how I feel in a bit. Right now I just want to watch the stars. You’ll give me that, won’t you, Diary? Give me a bit of time?
20th of March, 1129, Wednesday (cont. 2)20th of March, 1129, Wednesday (cont. 2) I feel amazing. I feel like a new pony. I can’t believe that all it took was to write the truth and approach my true feelings. Diary! You’re amazing! Amazing! Thank you so much for helping me get past this. There is a clarity in my thoughts now, almost as if Clear Skies is living once more! To the future, we look, now. In the end, the one thing I want is just waiting for me to reach out and nab it! I just have to seek! Even the animals say there’s a new ‘aura’ about me. They haven’t been clamouring around me for attention and food as much as yesterday. I think I’ve finally been able to attend to them with the due consideration that they deserve. Loveacres Reserve Tally Ill/sick: Cottontails - 32* *I will solve this tomorrow! By hook or by crook! Dear Diary, do you have any ideas? Duties: Fight the army ants.
21st of March, 1129, Thursday21st of March, 1129, Thursday Loveacres Reserve Tally Ill/sick: - Duties: Prepare furnace
22nd of March, 1129, Friday22nd of March, 1129, Friday There’s something wrong with Rainbow. Yesterday I found her. She stood in the middle of I can barely describe it, even after a day. My hoof was shaking so much yesterday I could barely write. I’ve locked her up in the guest room. She remains in a state. It’s catatonia, I’m sure of it. I’ve seen animals go like that during tonic immobility or times of extreme stress, or when I need to control them. But I have no idea what could have possibly possessed her to do what she did. I’m not sure how many were able to get away, but it was so odd that she was able to kill so many Almost as if they just stood there and let themselves be hurt. I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t know how to start describing this, but it was last evening, when I caught Rainbow after she awoke. She had gone through dozens of rabbits, one by one, snapping their necks so violently that the skin tore, causing excessive bleeding. By the time I found her, there was nothing left. The incident happened just behind the house, where the garden meets the Reserve. There was blood all over her hooves and her face, and her eyes were reduced to pinpricks. She stood with her mouth open, in the middle of a ring of rabbit corpses that she had arranged in a circle. The grass almost looked painted. There was a part in the circle that had a small semi-oval line that cut through it, and at the top there was a very distinct triangular shape that intersected the circle of corpses. From the colour of the blood, I could tell she had been standing there for at least half an hour before I found her. Maybe she only stepped there just then, but I’ve seen my fair share of blood and I know how it dries. I don’t know what caused Rainbow to snap like this, but it is not something I think I can overlook. I’ll be sending a message to the castle in a bit. I hope they will send someone to help take Rainbow back. For now, I’ll have to go console the other animals, and lock up the book and object for safekeeping. I am so shaken that I can barely remember anything else that happened these last two days.
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RecipeFried Bear Paw with Taro Root INGREDIENTS: 2 Bear Paws 1 cup breadcrumbs 1/2 cup parmesan cheese 2 eggs 1/4 cup beaver milk Taro Root paprika Pepper Salt Instructions: Gently strip the skin off the tender, marbled flesh, paying attention to the thumb pads where the meat is most delectable. Drain blood and set aside. Cut paw into small chunks, then dip in eggs beaten lightly with milk. Dredge in breadcrumb & cheese mixture, and then return to eggs for a double coat. Finally, sprinkle on salt, pepper and paprika. Deep fry until golden brown (bear). Gently simmer taro root in hot water until soft and stir congealed blood in. Season to taste.
23rd of March, 1129, Saturday (cont.)23rd of March, 1129, Saturday (cont.) I didn’t think my cooking was that bad! Rainbow ended up throwing up after lunch, and I’m not sure why. Everything was cooked to perfection, I’m sure, as I make sure my kitchen remains very clean. But it’s okay in the end, I made sure Rainbow got it all back down. It’s good for her. Although she wasn’t able to move freely while I was suggesting her actions, the look on her face was one of understanding and gratitude. I know she feels the love I have for her! I, too, had some of the bear paw and it was delicious. I don’t know what to do with the rest of the bear, however. He’s sulking in his cave now. I told the other animals to help feed it since we all have to do right by our neighbours, as polite neighbours do! I’m sure he’ll cheer up eventually. I feel that Rainbow might be falling ill. I’ll have to monitor her closely, and make sure that if a bug is creeping up, I’ll squash it. As for the rest of the day, I will be returning to the pond. I need to start work on the nest.
25 March Monday25 March Monday Everything is pretty. The obelisk is home, shining brightly with the stars. My baby cries at night, singing with the nightbirds. Her cot is ready. It hangs from the branch of the willow tree that drapes the pond. that watches the stars. She is sick. Her eyes draw tears of red. Her breathing labours. No living creature should bear the brunt of control for as long as she has. For three full days. For as the mind fights against restraint, its binds only dig deeper into the flesh. And I must lock eyes once more. And ask her nicely, won’t she be quiet? Ask her, please, behave. And eat. Eat your food. It is good. It is healthy. She will need her strength, for her strength is all she has left. Everything else belongs to Mn
Date UnknownDate Unknown To anyone who may read this Please. Please listen. Do not look at the object in the storeroom. Do not read the book on the shelf. I beg of you. I am awake after days of being trapped in my own mind. Of being beaten down by forces beyond my command. I do not know what came over me, nor even when it started, but the objects are cursed. All my animals are dead. I don’t know what happened to them but The Loveacres Reserve is now beyond redemption of soul and heart. ~~I have rend Rainb~~ My dear friend is dead. In a haze of mist and blood, I faintly remember what transpired. I struggle to have to describe it, but I must leave some form of proof—some form of account of what has happened here. I believe that Rainbow Dash, proud warrior of Twilight Sparkle’s guard and a good, good friend is inside of me. I do not know how she is in there, but it is a sight and a description that I do not want to write about in full. All I know is that somehow, she is inside of me In pieces. In bits. No other reason would explain all the blood and the axe And the hair that clings to the walls ~~And my distended~~ I can hear her screaming inside my head I can hear her heart beating counter to mine She is inside me I do not know how And I feel now as I felt all those years before, with mere days left to go before something unthinkable crawls out of me. To any who may read this, PLEASE. Do not seek the items. Bury them. I do not know why the obelisk has released its hold on me now for but a few brief hours. But I leave this journal here as warning, and as some kind of I don’t even know what happened But it seems I have been writing still, through my possession, due to what I can only dream of being the last remnants of my soul clinging on. Please Please Please Someone destroy it! PLEASE! I am leaving this book outside the storeroom door so that anyone who comes past, who ventures here for the smell and the sight and the noises and the unbearable lack of holiness, will see. DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR! BURN EVERYTHING! I must go now. I will go to the pond, where I will end it. I can not live. Goodbye forever I’m sorry I’m so, so sorry
UnknownI am here at the pond I am ready My dearest Diary It is peaceful So peaceful I sit and watch the stars My child fills me with happiness I will be with her She will be with me And we both will be part of him He will be coming soon I wait for the path to open
