Hairball

Starlight Glimmer sits at her desk, her eyes on Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, who are looking at her from their chairs on the other side. It is a weird position for Starlight with her being the new headmare of the School of Friendship, but she'll make it work. Besides, Twilight is still helping her adjust to her new position, so her mentor is not fully out of the circle just yet.

Twilight aside, Starlight is sitting in the chair that used to belong to Twilight and she's looking at Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, who just informed her that they are going on their last year at the school due to their own ambitions.

“I just want to say that while I'm sad to see you two go, conveniently after I became headmare, I am happy that you two are doing your own things. It's... bitter sweet,” says Starlight.

Rainbow Dash smiles and puffs her fluff out. “Well, the Wonderbolts need my awesomeness to keep them in the clouds.”

“And I have my animal sanctuary,” says Fluttershy. “It is just really taxing on me to be doing the sanctuary and teaching and being teacher of the month every time.”

Rainbow Dash deflates after that and Starlight chuckles as she taps a pile of folders.

“Oh, I understand completely, and I'm glad you two were kind enough to give me this year to scout and train new teachers,” says Starlight. “This year is going to be hard on all of us, though. I'm kind of dreading it if I'm going to be honest.”

“Well, as long as you don't brainwash anypony to being compliant or create rifts in the space-time continuum I think you'll be fine,” says Rainbow Dash.

The three mares giggle, but then Fluttershy's giggling suddenly turns into a scratchy coughing fit, which then turns to labored wheezes and she barely catches herself when she falls out of her chair. Her back arches and her front legs bend until her chest is pressed against the floor; she coughs and hacks and wheezes, and her wings snap open as her eyes squeeze shut and her mouth hangs open, head bobbing back and forth and her tongue hanging out.

“Oh my gosh, she's choking!” says Starlight as she jumps from her seat.

“Nah, she's fine,” says Rainbow Dash while Fluttershy wheezes for air.

“Fine!? She's not fine! She's-”

“BLEEEERGH! Ghak-ceh...” goes Fluttershy.

Starlight's eyes widen and everything goes dim in her sight, save for the slimy, yellow haired tube with strands of feathers and pink mane that has landed on her carpet. With no words or thoughts, Starlight slowly looks up from the blob and sees Fluttershy sitting on her haunches, chest heaving as she gasps for air, and after a few seconds of this she rubs her tongue against her teeth and then hides behind her mane while rubbing her throat.

“I'm sorry, I'll clean that up,” says Fluttershy airily.

“What. The heck. Just happened?” says Starlight.

“She coughed up a hairball,” says Rainbow Dash.

“But why tho?”

“Uh, to clean out her system,” says Rainbow Dash with a quirked brow. “Seriously, this is pegasus biology 101.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. Maybe you should have paid attention in biology instead of enslaving towns or destroying timelines.”

“Biology is not my strong suit!”

“Okay, well here's a crash course in pegasi and hairballs.”

Rainbow Dash goes to Starlight's whiteboard near the desk, pulls out a box of dry erase markers from its cubby and quickly draws a stick figure representation of Fluttershy grooming herself. Next to the stick figure is a fat red tongue covered in fish hooks. Once Rainbow Dash is done she slaps the board with her wing, thus getting Starlight's undivided attention.

“Okay, Pegasi crap 101,” begins Rainbow Dash. “Pegasi love grooming, and unlike unicorns or earth ponies we pegasi thoroughly lick ourselves on top of the whole preening thing, and we have tiny hooks on our tongues that catch loose and dead fur, and unfortunately for us we kinda swallow them.”

Starlight grimaces and Fluttershy creeps away from the two, her face red with shame.

“But its not on purpose! Its just one of those things that happens,” says Rainbow Dash. She then grabs a couple other markers with her wings and ambidextrously draws a blob, a toilet and a floor with an angry pony next to a sickly stick figure version of Fluttershy. Once done she tosses the markers away and looks at Starlight. “But anyway, most of the hair we swallow goes through our digestive tract just fine, but some stay and they build up over time. This is where the hairballs come from, which we can only get out of our system if we puke them out.”

Fluttershy returns with a broom and dustpan, sweeps up the tube of slimy fur, dumps it in a nearby trash can and then sits back in her chair.

“All pegasi get hairballs, but the worst of them come from long-haired pegasi like Fluttershy since they require more grooming than a short haired pegasi like me. And more grooming plus more hair equals more hairballs.” Rainbow Dash throws the marker away. “And there you go. Basic pegasi biology. Any questions?”

“Yeah. Why can't you just take a bath like a normal pony?” asks Starlight.

“Uh, because grooming is thorough,” says Rainbow Dash.

“A tongue is filthy, though. Its all slimy and wet and touches nasty stuff.”

“What the hell do you lick?”

Starlight shakes her hoof. “Never mind what I lick. This is about filthy pegasi habits. Seriously, a bath with soap and water and conditioner and bubbles and little rubber duckies is more sanitary than a tongue bath.”

Rainbow Dash frowns. “You've never been groomed by a pegasus before, have you?”

Starlight shakes her head.

“You're totally missing out,” says Rainbow Dash.

“... I don't believe you,” says Starlight.

Rainbow Dash smirks. “I'll make you believe.”

With that said, Fluttershy slaps the arms of her chair to get up and quietly trots out of the room.

Twilight hums a light tune to herself, levitating a few folders with the school seal stamped on them. She does not have much left to do for the day, and while talking to Starlight about a few plans for the school is one of them it should not take too long. Besides, she really wants to hear her protege's opinion on giving Tempest a position at the school. Maybe a gym teacher? Or history professor? Or maybe even hall monitor?

When she reaches Starlight's office she knocks twice before opening the door.

“Starlight, I got a few-”

Twilight stops, and her cheeks heat up and her wings unfurl.

Starlight stares back at Twilight, her cheeks and ears dark dark purple.

The new headmare is laying on her stomach with Rainbow Dash on top of her, her rump pressed against the back of her head and the rainbow tail draped over one of her shoulders and her hind legs keeping the unicorn held down. Rainbow Dash is squeezing Starlight's hips and her tongue is gliding across the curve of her rump, leaving tufts of her light purple fur standing and she continues licking, turning her head side to side to get the most of Starlights flank, completely oblivious to Twilight's staring.

Without saying a word, Twilight levitates the folders to Starlight's desk, closes the door and walks down the hall, stiff, unblinking and very hot.

She rounds a corner, goes into the teacher's lounge for a glass of water and sees Fluttershy drinking a juice box all by her lonesome and lost in her little world. This changes her plan right on the spot, and after using her magic to close and lock the door she approaches Fluttershy with shaky steps and a small flick of her tail.

“Oh... Um, hi, Twilight,” says Fluttershy when she realizes that Twilight is next to her with an odd smile.

Twilight grabs Fluttershy's shoulders and presses her nose against hers.

“Groom me. Now.”

[END]