Tele on the Toby

by Fazponyjack

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Zecora, Comedy
Length: 1188

Long distance is sometimes a bad thing.

How do you keep a friend from dying somewhere he doesn't know in a body he doesn't know around creatures he doesn't know? I have no idea, but Toby is across Equestria and can only communicate with his friends via radio. The catch? There's no catch. What is this, an actual story?
The Friendship Express probably isn't a good name for a damn train.

Published 2019-10-26 00:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-10-26 00:40:01 UTC

Telephones don't exist here, it's only magic powered sound wave transportation devices!

“Welcome to the Crystal Empire!” Cadence announced, throwing both her hooves in the air in a gesture to show off everything.

The pink stallion she met looked around in awe, staring at the sparkling empire made entirely of crystals.

“It’s beautiful,” Toby said, having noticed the castle. Cadence smiled with pride.

“I’m glad you like it. Now, I can tell you’re not a crystal pony, so follow me into the castle for a few questions.” Cadence turned towards the castle that was behind her and trotted up to the entrance, Toby following close behind.

Once they got inside, Toby noticed something on his back. They were saddlebags, each branded with a pair of pink cat ear headphones. He opened the left one with his mouth, staring at the contents confusedly.

“How did… Nevermind.” Toby closed the flap, sheltering the three Vinyl figures within. He opened the other one, even more confused at its contents. He didn’t even think about it as he closed the flap, covering a walkie talkie.

He turned back to the princess with a smile, who was staring at him while waiting patiently.

“Sorry. All of this is kinda new to me,” Toby explained, looking around the room and noticing all the crystally decor.

She chuckled. “I can understand, but we must keep moving,” She said, resuming her walk.

Toby followed once again, almost crashing into her a few times from paying a little too much attention to his surroundings. Once they reached what looked like a throne room, Cadence sat upon her throne with a regal smile.

“Now-” She was interrupted by something crackling to life in Toby’s saddlebags, which caused Toby to jump a bit with a yelp from the volume. He fumbled with the flap and getting it out as it spoke.

“Hello? Who’s got the other one? Over,” Toby had finally gotten a hold of it as his eyes widened in realization.

“Was that Swagger?” He asked, pushing a button on the side which stopped the static.

“Swagger, is that you? Over,” He asked, releasing the button to allow the pony on the other end to speak.

“Toby? What the fuck are you doing here? Over,” Swagger responded with a disbelieving tone.

“I don’t know, but I think the entire Misfits group are getting sucked into a children’s show, over,” He theorized, listening to the static of the radio before he got an answer.

“Toby? What the fuck?” He heard Fitz in the background.

“Was that Fitz? Over,” Toby asked, moving the radio closer to his muzzle as Cadence listened to their conversation with increasing concern.

“Yeah, the tall fucker’s here too, over,” Swagger answered in a sarcastic tone.

“Okay, that’s a little rude, over,” Toby mentioned, hearing a scoff from Swagger.

“Toby, can you talk on the podcast? Over,” Fitz asked in the background.

“All I got is a radio, over,” Toby looked at Cadence.

“Hey Princess, do you think you could get me to my friends?” Toby asked, getting a wide smile from her.

“Sure! You could ride the friendship express!” She answered, getting a weird look from the pink stallion.

“Friendship Express? With all due respect, that does not sound like a fitting name for what’s probably a steam engine train likely a mile long,” Toby said, getting a deadpan expression from the Princess.

Toby shrugged innocently. “What? I’m just saying,” Toby added.

***

Fitz and Swagger were waiting at the train station with Twilight and Zecora, who noted the differences in two very good friends. A very good example, indeed.

After five minutes of waiting, the train finally pulled in. Random ponies started to walk in and out almost immediately, although every pony made way for the Princess of Love.

“That’s the love one,” Swagger whispered to Fitz while pointing at her, Fitz slowly nodding while his mouth formed an ‘o’.

Following behind her was a pink stallion wearing saddlebags with very familiar branding.

“Toby! Over here!” Fitz called, waving at him. Toby heard him and trotted over, Cadence following.

“Fitz!” Toby exclaimed, hugging the tall pegasus. “So good to see you!” Toby hugged him for a moment before letting go, turning to face the short pony beside.

“Looks like fate hasn’t been good to you,” Toby said before giving Swagger a hug, which was not returned.

“Okay, that’s a little rude,” Swagger said, mocking Toby.

“You’re definitely Swagger,” Toby deduced, smirking.

Swagger rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Come on, we gotta start the podcast!” Swagger ran off towards a forest.

“Don’t be late!” Fitz exclaimed, taking flight and dashing towards the same forest.

Toby adopted a look of annoyance. “Do they know I don’t know where they’re going?” Zecora walked up, getting Toby’s attention by clearing her throat.

“They are rude, that’s a fact, but I can lead you to where they sit back,” Zecora rhymed, proposing to take him to where they went.

“Lead the way!” Toby pronounced, suddenly switching to joy.

***

“Hello! Welcome to the Misfits podcast, where we’re all in a fucking childrens show!” Fitz introduced.

“We even got a camera here!” Swagger said, giving a slight wave at the camera on top of the monitor that barely got all three of them in the frame.

They were bunched up close to each other. Fitz sat in the DXRacer, Swagger sat in his lap, and Toby stood to the side, fine with standing for the duration of the recording until he gets a chair.

“Rated five stars by DigBick, he says ‘Why the fuck is Swagger taller than when he was a human?’” Fitz chuckled a bit while Toby burst out laughing. Swagger took offense to this, if only for the bit.

“Hey, fuck you!” He exclaimed, pointing towards the camera.

“Anyway, let's talk about the children's show.” Toby started.

“Now, bear in mind, this is real, and not a joke. We are indeed inside a children's show, which I believe is called My Little Pony,” He explained, Swagger nodding silently.

“We have seen, for lack of a better word, some shit.” Toby concluded, staying silent to allow one of the other two to continue after him.

“I crashed like, twice when I tried flying and, believe me, I don't think I'm doing that anytime soon," Fitz said, ruffling his wings unconsciously.

“Hey, at least I got some magic to use. Actual fucking magic." He said, smiling slightly.

“Yeah, this guy’s probably the strongest out of us so far.” Fitz said, covering Swagger with a wing. Swagger audibly shuddered.

“That feels… weirdly good.” Swagger admitted. Fitz retracted the wing with a smirk.

“Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is the start of Fitz and SwaggerSouls fan fictions," Fitz said, making Toby chuckle lightly while Swagger frowned.

“I better not see that shit," Swagger threatened, making both Toby and Fitz laugh, the latter patting Swagger on the stomach with a wing a few times, while Swagger merely did nothing in response.

Author's Note

My grandma's my proofreader now. She's actually really good at it, and I don't gotta pay her!