Trixie hadn't had much opportunity at the movie theater. She murdered herself with laughter, that was about it. Whatever, she could roll with that.

What she could not roll with was the building they were approaching. As soon as she saw the massive logo on the front, and the conspicuously-dressed ponies flooding in and out, she let out a horrific sound like the wheels of a train screeching against the metal as it suddenly hit the brakes.

So did Mud Briar and Sunburst, actually. All three of them froze, staring. The boys were delighted. Trixie was aghast.

Maud Pie shuffled her hooves and looked away, bashfully by her standards. "I know we didn't tell the rest of you," she apologized, "Mud Briar's the one who wanted to come here today. He made that sound when we read about the event a few months ago, too."

The building's logo read:

⭐ GalactaStick ⭐
50th Anniversary Event

"It's very convenient that this coincides with his birthday," Maud said. "Since he loves this show so much. It's almost like they're holding the event just for him."

"That is highly improbable," Mud Briar began, "Though it is a fact that I have adored this creative franchise since my foalhood!" Trixie was alarmed to hear something almost approaching emotion in his speech.

Seeing Starlight's blank expression, Mud Briar turned with the brightest look Trixie had yet seen on his punchable face and began to rant to her about what GalactaStick was.

Trixie, however, already knew more about this property than she ever wanted to, which was anything.

GalactaStick was over a dozen TV series, a bunch of movies, and some comics about space, sticks, and friendship. She hadn't thought that space opera and botany would go together quite so well, but they had sold her on the idea rather quickly. It had a lot of drama and a very contrived idea of how "magic" worked; apparently unicorn horns could be removed and used as little laser-shooting devices ("Stickzers") with convenient "Morally Question" and "Vaporize With Extreme Prejudice" settings. There was also some nonsense about thaumatically altering the number of dimensions in space and time in order to achieve Friendship Speed. One was never to surpass Friendship 10. This would turn one into the Princess of Everything. (Trixie never understood how that was a bad thing.)

Oh, and every single damn episode someone said "Make like a tree!", either right before vamoosing from danger, or right before killing somepony. Trixie didn't get it, but it had become annoyingly recurring amongst fans.

Trixie knew this much because she had been in it.

Not the original run of course - that was fifty years ago, she was not that old. No, it was a more recent one: GalactaStick: Odysseus. She'd bumped into a producer in a coffee shop somewhere. She had been... voicing an objection to the brewmaster, and this producer caught her on her way out and said she was "perfect". Trixie had not paid attention to anything else he had said. Gigs were far between at the time, she needed some money, and he said the magic word. If Trixie had a flaw, it was that she was not at all modest.

But the producer was right, and Trixie had indeed otherwise been perfect. She was made for the part she played and completely nailed it. Her minor villain role was immensely popular with --

Trixie tried not to actually narrow her eyes. She did it in her mind. Her mind-eyes.

Stickies.

There was the problem. Trixie had at first been delighted with the prospect of legions of adoring fans - not at all modest, etc. - and she had certainly secured that with her stellar performance. The, er, outfit may have helped too, actually.

But then she learned that some fans of some things were... feverishly dedicated to their various objects of idolatry. So dedicated, in fact, that they became angry and rambunctious if other fans did not like it the same way. No, it wasn't because someone hated or even disliked a facet of the franchise. Everypony collectively agreed that GalactaStick: Windwillow was an atrocious spinoff... No, fans merely collectively lost their shine when any of them did not share the same favorite as anyone else.

Trixie was not very good with other ponies unless she wanted something from them, as with the ticket-mare earlier that day, but she at least knew that having three in a room practically guaranteed they would not all share the same favorite anything. Crowds and riots were indistinct in this world of stars and sticks and, just from her magic shows, Trixie had run away from more riotous crowds than any mare should hear about in the news in her lifetime.

And these "Stickies" were just the worst!

Furthermore, GalactaStick: Odysseus was easily the most perverted series in a long-running franchise that was always a little perverted by contemporary standards. Trixie's own character was proof enough of that. So it was those kinds of fans who tended to like Odysseus over the other series.

Trixie had heard someone say that the producers had actually let fans write some of the episodes. She could certainly be fooled if that were not the case. Oh no, not just "coworkers making out on the job for no reason". Not even just "the cute alien-flower character has a weird alien-flower pregnancy that almost destroys the ship", but that happened too. Nope, we were talking "the captain mutated into a tree-lizard and banged her first officer and they abandoned the tree-lizard-babies on some moon somewhere" levels of controversial. Yes, Odysseus was written by madponies, and Trixie just had to have been born at the right time that that was the highlight of her career thus far. She liked to think that instead, Trixie was the highlight of Odysseus. (This was probably definitely not true... but then again, she had to have a freakish cult somewhere who thought so.)

Trixie had quickly grown to appreciate that her character had worn an elaborate costume: her face, cutie mark, and on ne dit pas had all been covered, so most Stickies, who didn't stalk the cast on Facehoof, did not recognize her right away. She'd been at first a bit peeved that so much of her "natural beauty" was hidden, but that turned out to be a blessing. Trixie had foreseen many manners of her own death over the years; some impending, some far-off. But she was determined not to perish in a frenzied orgy of Stickies.

She considered how odd it was that Mud Briar, one of the most particular sons of bitches she'd ever met, did not seem to recognize her. Of course, appropriate as he was, stalking might be beneath him. On the other hoof, she started to worry that maybe he merely hadn't brought it up because it would not have been appropriate. It would only ever be appropriate if he was her boyfriend.

Trixie withheld a gag reflex and stopped thinking about that right away.

"... So, they just kinda... wander around space... looking for alien plant life? Like, specifically plant life?" Starlight clarified. She was the only one in the group who knew nothing about GalactaStick. Trixie envied her.

"Correct, though at times fungi are also included, which technically are not plants. The crew of the various starblimps travel through space, the over yonder beyonder. They explore strange new gardens, seek out new herbs and spices, and --"

"-- dare to plant where no stick hath yet grown," Trixie finished in a bitter monotone, then covered her mouth in horror.

Mud Briar and Sunburst blinked at her. "I am surprised you are familiar with this show, Trixie," Mud Briar pontificated. "I would not think it was 'up your alley', as the colloquial expression is generally employed."

It wasn't. She'd been enchanted for a while, but mostly because it was a bigger stage than her little traveling show.

Mud Briar was, as long as she'd unhappily known him, incapable of saying things he did not believe to be true, so Trixie presumed this meant her secret was safe from him for now. Still: Crap! She could absolutely not blow her cover here!

Sunburst yawned. "Well, we're all full of surprises," he said. You don't know the half of it, beardy, Trixie thought to herself. "I just hope we don't step on any hooves while we're in there!" the becloaked wizard worried. "The First Seed fans are pretty hardcore." Trixie understood that "first seed" was a cutesy way to say the original series, because that was the "seed" that grew the entire stupid cheesy GalactaStick space-forest.

Mud Briar began to slowly raise and lower his hooves, still wearing his deadpan. Everyone stared. Maud smiled.

"I am fidgeting." Mud Briar explained. "I am attempting to communicate my eagerness to enter the building rather than continue to spend time outside of it in conversation."

And so, Trixie reluctantly followed the group into the building, wrapping her cape tightly around herself and tugging her hat a bit lower down. Trixie would definitely not be noticed wearing these items in a space-themed convention for a series she had played a very distinct character in.

It took Trixie all of ten minutes to completely change her mind about not wanting to be recognized.

In a far corner from the door, Sunburst peeked up over a table display, scanning the building.

Maud and Mud Briar were on the other side of the building, barely visible with the central dais in the way. Maud was watching over Mud Briar like a mother cat; Mud Briar had serious tunnel vision for the show prop replicas. From his expression, Sunburst guessed he approved of the accuracy.

Trixie was nowhere to be seen. How did she do that? At least she didn't drop a smoke bomb this time.

And Starlight...

"Sunburst!" Starlight chirped from right next to him, and he yelped and stood up, making sure his coat was still buttoned around his front. "Huh, it is kinda chilly in here, or maybe it's just me," she said, shuddering. "Have you seen Trixie?"

"N-nope. Not since we came in!" He subtly covered the display he was standing next to with his entire form, leaning sideways against it like he was cool. He did not want Starlight to see this one.

"Huh. Wonder where she went," Starlight said, and moved to wander off. "Yargh!" She cried ten steps later, shying away from a life-size statue of a Bloominous Rotter, a pony-like creature debuting in the Black Oak comic series, whose "head" was but a toothy maw surrounded by wilting petals. Its pollen could turn ponies into "zomblooms" and then later into Bloominous Rotters. In early stages it was reversible, somehow. Starlight scampered off, looking over her shoulders with her ears drooped and mouth tense. The poor mare was almost literally on an alien planet right now. Probably why she felt so cold.

He exhaled nervously and looked at the display again. Each display in this corner... a far corner from the door, which he found under-appreciative... bore figurines, posters, and limited edition comics for a particular story arc, or a particular episode, or a particular minor character, depending. This one was her display. She wasn't in the center of this alcove - that might be a little too candid - but she was the center of his attention.

His muse. He might have licked his lips a bit, or taken his glasses off to clean the steam off.

She'd been a feisty one. She was bombastic and commanding, and loved to just let it all hang out. She barely passed the censors, because her a-hrrm-hrrm - he coughed in his mind and blushed in reality - was artistic. She could use psychic powers to enslave stallions (or mares, depending) and bid them to do her bidding... almost like a changeling, but without the change part.

That's why he didn't want Starlight to know about her. She was touchy about the whole "enslavement" thing.

Then he frowned, suddenly uncomfortable. That's weird, he considered, stroking his beard, his eyes looking up and down her divine form. I didn't realize before how much she looks like --

There was a poof, a hiss, and a foghorn-like moo from the central dais - his head popped up instinctively. He froze, his hoof falling from his beard. Most of the attendees gasped.

His GalactaStick crush, Lactiria, the Bitch of Cadenza IV, was standing on the central dais, slowly emerging from the blue and violet smoke. The cowprint spandex thigh-highs and bodysuit complemented her beautiful, powder blue coat. Her lustrous, silvery hair sprouted out in a wild mane from the imposing cow horns and bovine skull-like mask covering her face, except for her little droopy ears. And the udder! It was huge and bare! And, now that he saw her in person, really obviously a prosthetic. He supposed live appearances were not up to the cosmetic standards of TV production.

Maud's smile dropped very quickly as she turned and stared up at this creature. She blinked once.

"[My faithful harem]!" Lactiria cried, slowly turning on the spot. She said it in Cowlon, of course, but Sunburst was fluent. He could always speak the language of his goddess. "[There is one among you who resists my sultry call, who will not drink of my water of life!]" She pointed directly at Mud Briar, who leaned back with a gigantic wobbly grimace and a hoof to his heart.

Every eye in the convention turned to the couple.

"[Trample this infidel!]" Lactiria commanded.

"Make like a tree." Maud said. She did not need to know Cowlon to understand what was going on; she tossed Mudbriar onto her back and ran out the door, with about half of the building in hot pursuit. A grey mare with blonde hair now lay flattened in front of the door like a rug. One older mare fainted as her daughter joined the crowd with hearts in her eyes.

"Sunburst! What're you doing?!" Starlight yelled, teleporting rapidly to navigate the stampede.

Sunburst skidded to a stop halfway to the door and adjusted his coat - some of the buttons had popped from his furious galloping. "I, uh," he said, stepping to the wall to avoid being knocked over by Lyra and Bon Bon, the last two to join the rush. "I was just. Erm."

Starlight stomped over to him with a scowl, and began to rebutton his coat. "Having some trouble under that coat, buddy?"

Sunburst blanched and stammered. "H-hey stop it! You're as bad as my mom!"

Starlight backed off, her face pale. "Your mom points out when you have a huge boner?!"

"WHAT!!" Sunburst shrieked several pitches higher than normal. "N-no!! She messes with my coat in public! I-it's really embarrassing."

"Uh-huh," Starlight grunted, back to scowling. "You're not Mud Briar, so I'll trust you to keep this short."

Starlight gestured to the obscene cow-thing, which was now trying to tug her own face off and mumbling something about stupid sticky props. "What the daffodil is that!"

"Do you think Trixie is taking her role kind of seriously." Maud asked.

"This is amazing!!" Mud Briar babbled. "Incredible! The best day of my life!"

The crowd still chasing them, leaving huge clouds of dust in their wake, was yelling something Maud did not understand.

"Oh. Okay." Maud said.

She waited a few seconds.

"Forgive my delay in responding. What is the basis of your question?" Mud Briar finally said.

"That was Trixie in that costume." Maud said.

"That is highly improbable." Mud Briar protested. "She spoke fluent Cowlon. A professional. Possibly the actual actress making a surprise appearance. This is more common than you may think."

"I saw her coat and hair color under the outfit. I recognized her voice and body language even though she was speaking in tongues and dressed like an immoral mare," Maud said. "My father would perform an exorcism on her if he saw that."

She rounded a corner expertly, the crowd skidding and struggling to follow. They continued chanting.

"They're saying 'the Buxom Queen has spoken'," Mud Briar translated. "This is the phrase recited by those Lactiria has --"

"You were attracted to Trixie." Maud accused, cutting him off. She leapt across a fence and kept running, slowing the crowd.

"Bleaaragh," Mud Briar boggled, "I beg your pardon, both for my interjection and in light of your accusation. I expressed an affectation towards Lactiria, the Bitch of Cadenza IV, who is a fictional character. I would not even grace this with a 'technically' as I do not believe Trixie was within that costume."

"Trixie was familiar with this show before we entered."

"I inferred the same myself, earlier." Mud Briar permitted. "But interest does not a cow-matron make."

"Trixie was nervous. She disappeared as soon as we entered and then Lactiria showed up."

"Most mares are nervous at any GalactaStick gathering," he retorted, "We, er, nerds, are not always very elegant in approaching members of the female condition. Your argument is akin to 'No one has ever seen Applejack and Mare do Well in the same room together'.'"

Maud sighed. She would have to tell him the truth about Mare do Well later. "Starlight and I were not nervous."

Mud Briar considered while Maud leapt lightly across the rooftops of Ponyville like a ninja. "A sample size of three, two congruent, one outlying, is sometimes sufficient to arouse suspicion, but never to draw a conclusion."

"Trixie told me she was on TV once."

Maud leapt directly across Ponyville river, where there was no bridge. The crowd stopped. She ran towards the general area of Rarity's house; she would circle back after vanishing from sight, hoping the crowd would not know which direction she had taken.

"Am I to presume you will combine these strands of logic together?" Mud Briar asked.

They ran past Rarity and Sweetie Belle as they came out of the Carousel Boutique, both sipping juice. Sweetie Belle squeaked, carried away by the wind. Rarity cried out and reached for her in vain.

"There is a strong possibility that Trixie is the actress who played Lactiria on your silly TV show." Maud concluded.

There was a long pause.

Maud ran to her and Mud Briar's house, expertly skidded into a walk, opened the door, and set Mud Briar down on his hooves.

"It is highly likely that I was attracted to Trixie on the basis that Trixie is, very probably, the actress of the Buxom Queen, Lactiria, the Bitch of Cadenza IV," Mud Briar said as soon as she let go.

Maud looked out the door to see if anyone had pursued them so far. She cracked her hooves together like knuckles.

"This may seem highly illogical," Mud Briar continued, "but I would not have terribly minded to have been murdered by Lactiria's feisty hordes."

"You're right. That does not seem logical." Maud pouted.

"Tell me if you accept this postulate: Death is a certainty?"

"Not if you're an immortal Princess."

"I am not. Thereby, at some point, I expect to die. Consequently, I have influence only in the time and manner of my death. Dying to the hordes of the Buxom Queen would be an honor beyond my semantic ability to describe. Beyond even that of suffocation by the hitherto-thought-extinct giant choking ivy. You are not part of this following, you may not understand. A fitting analogy would be..." And he thought it over. "... if you were murdered by Lavan."

"A major antagonist of Lord of the Rocks, my favorite literary series, who was born of lava and whose shattered crystal body, which he seeks to gather and restore by perverting the One Lodestone, is composed of a mineral otherwise completely unknown to pony minds and possibly nonexistent in the entire universe." she confirmed.

"That is correct."

Maud's eyes glanced to the side for a moment. Then she looked directly at him again.

"I forgive you," she said.

"Okay, so, let me get this straight," Starlight commanded. She was very aware that her dainty trot was telegraphing her displeasure to her companions. "You played a mutated sex goddess in a TV show for horny nerds, aka Stickies."

Starlight was also very aware that she needed to be standing directly between Sunburst and Trixie, because he had recently realized she was his hot cow-pony waifu and he would immediately pounce her if Starlight neglected her duties. She adjusted her trot or teleported accordingly.

Trixie trotted with them, comfortably combing her mane from the wild bush it had been back to her normal coiffure. "Trixie played a space alien sex goddess in a TV show for nerds in general, aka Stickies - some of whom were, and are, undoubtedly, ravenously horny."

"I can attest," Sunburst admitted weakly.

"These people need to get laid," Starlight said. "Where in the world did you find that costume?"

"Upon entering the den of sin," Trixie began, sniffing imperiously, "The Shy and Sneaky Trixie headed directly to the very back of the building, near the storage room. Trixie reasoned this was the least interesting place for a Stickie to turn his or her gaze."

"Sweetie Beeelle!" Rarity called, running through their group, checking under Trixie's hat. "Sweetie Belle! Where are yooouuu! Oooh my one and only sister..!" And she ran off.

Starlight cleared her throat and nodded. "With you so far..."

"Trixie was, to her chagrin, recognized at once by the staff of the establishment, who naturally kept guard over said storage room. Due to her quick thinking, extreme gall, and magnetic attraction of her hoof to blabby mouths, Trixie was able to avoid an incident."

"Did you, now." Starlight said in a monotone.

"At that particular instant yes! The starstruck staff allowed Trixie celebrity access into the storage room, where she hoped to hide away from the goings-on."

Starlight saw where this was going. "And the costume was in the storage room."

"Trixie admits that she was startled to see her own skull from a bygone era glaring at her from a pile of junk, and became gradually more possessed by the ghost of Lactiria, as an older mare may be possessed by photographs of her younger days, and may have lost her head a bit searching frantically for the rest of the pieces in order to relive the moment, yes."

"Great, that's my first question answered. Here's number two: Why did you have an udder?"

Starlight refused to turn her head to identify the slobbering sound that she was sure came from Sunburst's direction.

The showmare blushed. "As a space alien, the Bitch of Cadenza IV had... alternative anatomy," Trixie explained, her chin tilted up regally. "The cosmetic team fitted Trixie with a prosthetic cow udder. It was very comfortable; Trixie's unmentionables have never enjoyed such luxury since."

"So they took your measurements." Starlight deadpanned.

Trixie blushed, raising her chin even higher. "They were very impressed, Trixie assures you --"

"Moonshine, Trix, this is one thing you don't need to compensate for."

"A-and what is that supposed to mean?!"

"Now here's my third question," Starlight said, even more loudly, "And you pricks better not try to fool me again like you've done the last five times I asked. Who is 'the Bitch of Cadenza IV'?! I never saw that name among all the weird shine that was in there."

Sunburst stammered. "F-fool you? We would never --"

"Shut up, About-to-Burst." Starlight grunted, and he closed his mouth and cowered with a grimace.

Starlight wasn't in the mood for moonshine. She knew Sunburst had been holding something back about this character the way he was trying to hold somethin' else back, and Trixie was regressing into full smug mode to avoid facing anything about her actions. She was getting answers or by Luna's hairy asshole she was gonna throw magic down their throats like she did with Big Macintosh.

"Trixie! Tell me about your cowsona." she ordered.

"T-Trixie's what?!"

"Tell me about the cow, Trix," she growled dangerously.

"Okay, okay!" Trixie waved a hoof defensively. "She was the antagonist of a two-parter in GalactaStick: Odysseus, the perviest show out of the bunch easily. Cadenza IV was a pleasure paradise planet. Or so it seemed! In reality, it was a prison planet. Males (or females!) from all over the galaxy were lured by the promise of sweet alien poontang. But alas! The Buxom Queen, Lactiria, the Bitch of Cadenza IV, utilized her psychic powers and feminine wiles --"

"As in her giant swinging cow-udder they showed on children's TV," Starlight said, and Sunburst stumbled. Three guesses what he tripped on, she thought bitterly.

"-- yes, that. She was able to enthrall any appropriately-inclined stallion or mare, and force them to do her bidding. Unfortunately, almost everyone on the Odysseus was ready to jump anything that moved, so she effectively enslaved the entire --" Trixie stopped in mid-trot and blinked, turning her head slowly, glancing at Starlight nervously.

"Why, Trixie!" Starlight began to yell. "Why are you looking at me!" She wiggled her enormous ass and waved a hoof with every other word. "I'm not an over-endowed space alien cow-slut! I'm just a mind-controlling tyrant! Why, I could never match Lactate-ya or whatever her name was! I'm all butt, no boobs. Thaaaaaaat's Starlight!" She punctuated her name by punching the air with a hoof.

There was a pause.

"Oh sweet Celestia," Trixie mumbled.

"What's the problem, Trix?" Starlight asked, with a smile too wide and a voice too sweet.

"Trixie has just realized that the existence of these replicas mean that the specifications of Trixie's costume are public knowledge, so every Stickie knows her measurements."

"Are you kidding me?!" Starlight roared. "Everyone in the world knows and praises your --" and she actually lifted Trixie's cape and pointed - "greatness, and you're complaining?!"

Trixie meeped and tugged her cape back down, bright red in the face, her eyes squeezed shut. "You maniac! Praise Trixie's talents, not Trixie's tits!"

"I'm going ahead of you girls," Sunburst rasped, and trotted off ahead of them.

Author's Note

Trixie puts the lacta in GalactaStick.