My Little Family

Today was a special day for me. Why? Today would be Thorax and I’s first Valentine’s Day. As soon as I woke up, I was grinning from ear to ear. I had a few things planned for today. Though, today wouldn’t quite turn out how I would expect. I woke up, got dressed, and went downstairs.

“Good morning! Happy Valentine’s Day!” I chirped to Twilight as I walked into the kitchen. She turned around and gave me a confused look. “Valentine’s Day is our equivalent of Hearts and Hooves Day.”

“Ohhh.” She said, understanding. “Thanks. Happy Hearts and Hooves Day!”

“Thanks! What are you making?”

“Pancakes! Since it’s your first Hearts and Hooves Day, I figured I would make us all some pancakes.”

“Well, thanks! That’s very kind.” I got some chocolate milk, and sat down at the table. Starlight came in and cheered, “Good morning Johnny! Happy Hearts and Hooves Day!”

“Thanks! Happy Valentine’s- I mean, Hearts and Hooves Day!”

“Thanks! Do you celebrate anything like Hearts and Hooves Day on Earth?”

“Yeah. We celebrate Valentine’s Day. It’s basically the same thing as-”

“Oh gosh!” Starlight exclaimed, jumping out of her seat. I turned around and saw a fire in the kitchen.

“Stay here!” I said. I carefully turned off the stove, then got a bucket of water and threw it on the fire, extinguishing it. Twilight came into the kitchen with a bucket as well, but saw the fire was gone.

“I’m so sorry. I looked away for a second, and it just burst into flames.” She said, then mumbling under her breath, “You must hate me now.”

“Hey, I don’t hate you. Just because one bad thing happened doesn’t mean that it’ll ruin my entire day. I’ll get some ‘Dunkin’ Donuts’.” I went and got two boxes of four vanilla frosted donuts, four chocolate, and four strawberry. I brought it back, put one box on the table, and opened it. “The white ones are vanilla, brown ones are chocolate, and the pink ones are strawberry. You each get four.” I said to Spike, Starlight, and Twilight.

“Wait, but then what will you eat?”

“I’ve got a box here for Thorax and I. I’ll see you later.”

I teleported to Thorax’s office, and found him at his desk. I snuck behind him, kissed him, and said, “Good morning! Happy Hearts and Hooves Day!”

“Thanks!” He said, then kissing me back.

“I had a few things planned for today, so-”

“I’m sorry Johnny, but I’ve got a lot of work to do. I hope you understand.”

“Yeah, I understand... You’re a ruler, so you must have a lot of work to do.”

“But, after I’m done, then we can hang out. Since I can’t hang out right now…” He got close to me and whispered, “...we can do something really fun tonight.” He kissed me, and said, “I’ve got to get back to my work. I’ll see you later.”

“Oh, before I leave, I have some donuts for you.” I placed down the box, and opened it.

“That’s a lot.”

“Yep, and they’re all for you. Well…” I grabbed two vanilla donuts and said, “...most of them are. See you later!”

I teleported back to Dunkin Donuts and got a box of what I got before. I was going to give my friends some donuts. I headed over to Sugar Cube Corner. I looked through the window (which was open) to see if anypony was there, but saw something else instead: A face full of chocolate cake. By the time I wiped my face clean, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash were standing there with awkward smiles. A large pile of something was hidden under a tablecloth behind them.

"Heeeyyy, Johnny!" Rainbow Dash said, protectively close to the hidden object.

"Why did you throw a cake at me?"

"Y'know… It's a Hearts and Hooves Day tradition! We all throw cakes at each other!" Pinkie responded. She then pulled a cake out of nowhere, and threw it at Dash.

I knew she was lying because of my extensive knowledge of the show, but I couldn't mention it.

"Well then, that settles that! I have a surprise for you!"

They both looked at me with excitement. “It's donuts! Four vanilla, four chocolate, and four strawberry.” I placed the box on the table. “Go wild. I’ll see you later!”

I walked out of the building and over to Sweet Apple Acres. I saw Applejack bucking some trees, so I figured I would give some donuts to her. “Howdy-” I started, but then got kicked in the stomach. It even pushed me back a couple of feet. That horse can kick.

“Oh my Celestia, Johnny! Ahm so sorry, ah didn’t mean to!”

“Can you get me an ice pack?”

“Sure thing!” She ran inside the house and got a bag of ice. I placed it on my stomach, and groaned. “Ah am so gosh darn sorry! Ah didn’t mean to!”

“I know you didn’t. If you did, then we would have a problem. But, you didn’t.”

“How come you’re here?”

“I got some donuts for you.”

She grabbed the box, and said, “Thanks. Is there anything else you need?”

“Yeah, can you get me one of those boxes?” I asked, opening a portal to Dunkin Donuts. She did that, and handed me the box, “Thanks! I’ll be on my way now. Have a good day!”

I went over to Carousel Boutique and knocked on the door. Rarity opened it and said, “Johnny! What happened?”

“I got kicked and cake-d. May I come in?”

“No.”

There was a pause before I said, “Can you say that again?”

“No, I can’t have you come in and get icing all over the place. I just cleaned yesterday. So, how come you’re here?”

“I got a box of donuts for you.”

“Oh, why thank you!” She grabbed the box and said, “See you soon, darling!” She then closed the door.

I was a little mad now. It’s like all these bad things were happening to me on purpose.

“Johnny.”

“What?!” I growled. I turned around and saw Fluttershy standing behind me. “I’m sorry, Fluttershy. I just haven’t had a good day. What did you need?”

“I’m just trying to get in, but you’re in the way.”

“Oh, I’m sorry!” I said, stepping out of the way. “Have a good Hearts and Hooves Day!” I shouted, as she walked into the boutique.

I teleported to Celestia’s castle and went into the Throne Room, and knocked on the door.

“Come in!” Celestia said from inside. I opened the door and walked in.

“Good morning, Cele-” I got cut off as I was tackled by a guard.

“Larry!” Celestia exclaimed. “It’s Johnny.”

“Sorry, sir.” He said, stepping off of me.

“Johnny, I apologize for him pouncing on you like that.”

“It’s…” I had to stop so I could hold back my anger. “...alright, Celestia. I have a box of donuts here for you and Luna. Four vanilla, four chocolate, and four strawberry.”

She levitated the box over to her and praised, “Why thank you, Johnny. I truly appreciate it."

“No problem. Happy Hearts and Hooves Day!” I said, walking out.

I teleported to the Crystal Empire and asked a guard where the princess was. After following the directions, I found her and said, “Hello Cadence!”

“Good- oh my, what happened?”

“Well first, I got cake-d after finding Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash in Sugar Cube Corner. They freaked out and one of them accidentally threw a cake at me. Then, I got kicked by Applejack. Then, Rarity told me to not come inside the boutique because I would get icing all over the place. Finally, I was tackled after a guard since he didn’t recognise me. So how is your Hearts and Hooves Day going?”

“Better than yours, and we’ll leave it at that. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just came here to give you and Shining Armor some donuts. Four vanilla, four chocolate, and four strawberry donuts.”

"Thank you, Johnny. That's very kind of you.”

“No problem.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes. I’ll see you later. Have a good Heart's and Hooves Day!”

I teleported to Twilight’s castle so I could get my Caramel Bugles. At least if one good thing would come out of today, it would be that I can eat my Bugles. I open the pantry door… and no Bugles. I hear a crunch, and look in the Dining Room. Starlight and I stare at each other, wide-eyed, for a few seconds, before I realize that she’s eating my Caramel Bugles.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I ate the rest of your Caramel Bugles.” She says.

“No, I don’t mind at all.” I claim, voice strained. I walk out of the castle to find Fluttershy. I hadn’t given her any donuts yet, so I had to go do it. I was walking through town to get to her, when I saw her talking to somepony. I took cover behind something so I could listen.

“What do you mean you don’t like me?!?” The pony asked angrily.

“I-It’s nothing a-against you, it’s j-just that I like-”

“Like who!?!” The pony interrupted her.

“I-I-I like Discord.”

“You seriously think that a Draconequus would like you?!”

I started fuming. Not just because that pony was being mean to Fluttershy, but because I had heard this before. I thought about what Delilah said. ‘You seriously think that I would like you?’

“We-well, maybe.”

“He doesn’t like you. No pony likes you. I don’t even know why I asked you out in the first place!” The pony stormed off.

Fluttershy started to cry, so I went up to her and said, “I’m sorry he said those things.” She hugged me and started sobbing.

"Why would he say those things?" She whined.

"He's just upset that he won't be able to date someone as beautiful as you." I replied.

“Who are you?” The pony asked.

“Johnny Soaps, human. Surprised you haven’t heard from me after I saved Equestria.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Trying to comfort her after what you said to her.”

“Why? It was true.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Fluttershy is a great pony. I’m going to need you to leave.”

“This isn’t any of your business.”

“Well I’m about to make it my business.”

He was taken back by my comeback. “Who do you think you’re talking to?”

“I’m talking to you, because I will not have you disrespect my friends like you just did, so scram.”

“And what will you do if I don’t?”

I let go of Fluttershy, and remarked, “Well, maybe I’ll show you a neat little trick that involves you and this butter sock!” I swung my butter sock around like a morning star.

“Are you threatening me?”

“Yes, I am! So I’m giving you one last chance to leave!”

I noticed we were drawing a crowd, and soon, they started chanting, “Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!”

“Listen, I’m not going to actually fight you, so can you just-”

The pony (who was a unicorn) kicked me, and I fell on my back. He ran over to me to kick me again, but I hit him with my Butter Sock. He stepped back and winced. I got on my feet and said, “So, you choose the fight option?”

“You know what? I’m just going to go.”

“No I gave you that option earlier, but you didn’t choose that. LET’S DO THIS!!” I sprinted at him, while swinging my Butter Sock, and he ran. I chased after him for a few minutes, before he got cornered against a building.

“Please don’t. I’m sorry.”

“I gave you the option to say that earlier, but you didn’t want to.” Somepony grabbed a hold of me, and lifted me up in the air. I got shot with something, and after a few seconds, I fell asleep.

I woke to water being poured on my face. After I gasped for air, I sat up and said, “What happened?”

“What were you thinking?” Twilight asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Starting a fight with a random pony! Today is supposed to be the day of love, not the day of anger!”

“I thought that too, but then I got covered in frosting after Pinkie or Rainbow threw a big cake at me, got kicked in the stomach by Applejack, wasn’t allowed into the boutique so Rarity didn’t have to clean the floor, got tackled by a guard at Celestia’s castle, got my Caramel Bugles eaten without my permission, and had a pony rage at Fluttershy because she wouldn’t go out with him! And you want to know why this all happened? Because I wanted to be nice and give everypony some donuts!” Twilight and Fluttershy were looking at me while the others looked at the ground.

“Jeez Louise Papa Cheese, I came to Equestria so I could live a nice life, not have it be filled with chaos!” I stormed out, and up to my room. I changed my clothes, and was going to walk out. I put my hand on the doorknob, but Twilight opened the door and hit me with it.

“Johnny, I-”

“It’s fine. I just need to blow off some steam.”