Life Is A Runway

by Split Scimitar

Rating: teen
Tags: Mario, Main 7 (EqG), Slice of Life, Crossover, Sassy Saddles, Alternate Universe, Human, Coco Pommel, Original Character, Dazzlings, Romance, Equestria Girls
Length: 33832

Rarity has a boutique in Manhattan! After the success of its official grand opening, she goes on holiday to mark the end of one of the greatest summers of her life.

After many months of searching, planning, and vision-boarding, Rarity has accomplished one of her lifelong ambitions: she has her own boutique in Manhattan! A few weeks prior, she had a soft opening with conducting sales and figuring out how to organize the store. Due to personal reasons, I had to decline that invitation, but promised to make it up to her by showing her around Europe. Thanks to her wonderful expertise at her craft, along with a very dedicated and capable staff, Rarity can afford to treat herself to a holiday in Europe within such a short timespan.

This is more than just a holiday to Rarity however. With the end of summer fast approaching, it’s an opportunity for Rarity to get inspired so she can stay ahead of the curve. Plus, at my recommendation, late summer to right around mid-autumn is the best time to visit Western Europe. And, naturally, Rarity is taking advantage of free airfare.

Mario tag as Rosalina makes an appearance.

Starlight Glimmer also appears.

Rated T for abrasiveness.

Published 2019-11-01 07:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-11-15 02:12:12 UTC

The Toast of The Town

2 days until opening.

“Pack your bags. We’re moving to Manhattan.”

Not me, per se. I have to pick up Rosalina. Hawaiian 50 lands in New York at 7:00. Rarity, wary of this, gives me the keys to her Rolls Royce.

“Fill the tank up please.”

“Thanks, Rarity. She’ll meet the rest of you in Manhattan. We’re meeting at my place right?”

“Where is your place?”

“A few blocks from Times Square.”

“Oh, that may not be worth it.”

“I have a 2-car garage.”

“Just go and get Rosalina. We’ll figure it out.”

“Be back soon!”

“I also have another friend coming in from Vermont. I may have you pick her up.”

“Just let me know.”

“Can I come with?” Applejack asks. “I want ta’ be in the city early.”

“Sure. Got room for one more. Any takers?”

“Uh, everyone else is asleep as far as I know.”

“Just the two of us then?”

“No. I’ll join you.” Rarity replies.

“So who’ll drive the rest of you in the Lexus?”

“They can fight over it. Though on second thought, maybe I should stay. Can you two not create tension that Rosalina will inevitably need to cut?”

“What’d‘ya mean? There’s no tension on my part.”

“Not here either.”

“Okay… well, you better go. Queens is going to be pretty merciless come morning rush.”

“Oh yeah.” I say pretty matter of fact as I unlock her car, the Spirit of Ecstasy popping up, eliciting a chuckle from me.

“Okay AJ,” I then say as we climb in, “I trust you’re more awake than I am, since I’m not fully acclimated to eastern time, but can you monitor my texts?“

“Sure thing, sugar cube!”

With that, I take my wallet out of my pocket and drop it in the cup holder. As I join the freeway, I get a slight pain in my knee, but it’s because I need to pop my kneecap.

When I take care of the problem, I pick up the pace enough to make AJ notice however, and after my pace gets to an 80 mph average, she starts to get nervous.

“Sugar cube, can ye’ slow down? It’s slowin’ up over there.”

“Any word from Rosalina?” I ask silently acknowledging her sentiment.

“Not yet.”

“She should’ve landed about now. Can you check the flight status of Hawaiian Airlines Flight 50?”

“Can be done!” She says as she presents my phone so I can unlock it.

As I even out my pace to 70, I settle in nicely as AJ updates me with, “says it’s on time.”

“They’re probably on the ground already then.”

“Don’t hurry yerself. She’d text ‘ya if she was all ready t’go and waitin’ for ‘ya.”

“Oh well.” I respond as I keep my current pace.

In no time at all, we hit the traffic. For the brief time I use I-95 to catch another highway, I ask Applejack to map the quickest route.

“Get onto Cross Island Parkway.”

“Go figure. You can turn it on if you want.” And activating the map, Applejack sets my phone in the cup holder as I decide to put my foot down, since we’ll be adding some extra miles to assumably bypass traffic heading into Queens.

When I jump off the freeway from Belt Parkway, I sneak in to Terminal Loop just as Rosalina finally sends a text.

“Sorry about that. Waited a while for the gate.” Applejack says for her.

“Ask her if she claimed her bag already.”

Responding accordingly, a response of “already claimed” arrives.

“On the way.” I tell AJ, which she relays by the phone.

When I find her with a decently-sized suitcase, I sneak in and park the car, jumping out and popping the boot.

“Hi how are you?” I ask as we share a quick hug.

“I’m fine. The flight could’ve been better.” She responds as I take her bag and load it in.

“Pretty rough?”

“Enough to rattle a few.” She responds hugging Applejack. They then fight over the back seat, which AJ gives to Rosalina so she can sleep.

“Did you call Mario or Luigi?” I ask once we get out of the airport.

“I did. Mario said he can come, Luigi may not, but Daisy can. Peach also said she could try and come, but don’t count on it. Mario and Daisy may be the ones most likely to come.”

“How about the kids?”

“They’re unavailable.”

“Okay. Oh, by the way, any word on Annabelle and Jr? I know they wanted me to come, but I literally haven’t heard anything since meeting them, which was about a year and a half ago.”

“Yeah. I haven’t been able to talk to them.”

“Ok then. Hopefully we can get some word before then.”

Come the crossing into the island, I arrive ahead of a call from Rarity.

“Hello?”

“Darling, I just realized one more should have been sent with you. There are six of us still at home, plus Starlight arriving at JFK.”

“No worries. I can head back and relieve you. Is there any word on your pickup?”

“I think she said she’s coming in at 10.”

“Well, I just got to my house, so as soon as I can, I’ll head back.”

“Please hurry, darling. The thought of morning rush is starting to get to me.”

“Too bad we can’t clone me temporarily to drive.”

“Maybe I should’ve asked you to bring a car.”

“Sorry.”

“That’s alright, we must make do with what we have.”

“I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay, bye.”

Popping my head inside, I check on AJ and Rosalina, the latter of whom has made herself comfortable on the master bed and pretty much ready to crash.

“I have to head back to White Plains, since no one else was willing to get up that early. Text if you need anything.” And with that, I pop back into the Phantom, close the garage, and head for a petrol station. Topping off with just over 400 miles of predicted range, I race back to White Plains, where upon my return to Rarity’s estate, the head of house is outside on a phone call.

“Oh, thank heavens you’re here! We’ve been waiting for you.”

“Are you on hold?”

“Yes.”

I nod and respond with, “Let’s load up. Do you want to pick up Ms. Starlight?”

“Yes yes, I should.”

“Which car do you want to use?”

“It doesn’t matter to me.”

“Nor to me.”

“I’ll go to meet Starlight at least.” Sunset volunteers as the others follow close behind.

“Okay, anyone else?” I ask.

“I’ll go with you.” Pinkie adds.

“Okay then, the rest of you will just meet us in Manhattan then.” Rarity says. “Can I have your address, Max?”

“Here you go.” I say texting it to her. “Lexus or Rolls?”

“I’ll just take the Lexus. I like driving it better.”

“Alrighty.”

With that, Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy all pile in. After Rarity locks up the house behind her, the two cars depart Château d’Rareté.

As soon as I get us up to highway speed, Twi and Pinkie are asleep in the back. Rainbow Dash though is buzzing away on her phone, so I sit back and head for Manhattan.

When we arrive, and to try and make room for the Lexus, I unload everybody curbside and then park as deep inside the garage as possible. Then, I check on Rosalina, who‘s fast asleep. The others are picking bedrooms and getting comfortable, so I head for a nap after popping an Advil for mild but incessant back pain.

A few hours later, I wake up refreshed but still exhausted internally. My chest feels heavy, but my heart is fine. My blood pressure is probably higher than it normally is, but I can just chalk it up to dealing with Manhattan and JFK traffic. I have to actively deep breathe to not feel short of breath otherwise. This is gonna be a long day.

Rosalina, upon finding me in a mess, helps me out of bed and makes sure I get enough water on the way to the boutique with the others. Along the way, I meet Starlight.

“Max,” Sunset says grabbing my attention, “this is Starlight Glimmer, protégée of Princess Twilight, with whom Applejack tells me you are acquainted.”

“I am. Hello.” I say offering my hand to Starlight.

“Hi there.” She responds nervously.

“Don’t worry. I don’t bite.“

Chuckling, she responds, “Oh, it’s not that. I just feel kind of weird being here because Twilight sent me here in her place. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be here, but I’d much rather have gone with Twilight, you know?” She responds shaking my hand.

“Sure. You feel a little… out of place, if you don’t mind me saying it that way.”

“Mostly, yes.”

“So you’re Twilight’s student?”

“Uh huh!”

“And what kind of duties would she have aside from normal princess business to attend to?”

“Actually, she’s attending a summit in Baltimare. She wishes she could come, though.”

“It’d be nice to see her again. When we met, I wasn’t exactly at a high point in my life.”

“Aw…”

When we arrive at the boutique, I am simply at a loss for words. Now, I know this is her newest location, and I haven’t actually seen the San Francisco boutique in its entirety, but I love what she’s done with the place.

I have no eye for dresses, so I’m not really one for specifics, but I recognize a good piece when I see one, and Rarity has no shortage of dresses for the upcoming autumn.

“No summer pieces?”

“Of course not, darling!” Rarity says, taking me by the hand. “Those may come back next season, or I may just have to wholesale them.”

“You wholesale dresses you don’t sell?”

“Thankfully only once. And it was absolutely devastating.”

“Uh huh. And how is the store organized?”

“Oh, that’s easy. A classic Season, Color, Price system. Only what’s in season gets put on the floor, although if there are any out-of-season purchases, we can easily assist them. The store floor if you couldn’t see it earlier, is divided into sections: Chic, classic, modern, sophisticated, avant-garde, traditional, and obtuse.”

“Cool. What do you need me to do?”

“Actually, I only need you as a driver, but since you have accommodations for us close to the shop, I don’t think I’ll need you unless I call on you.”

“And we’re in Manhattan. Not like we need a car unless we’re going across the city.”

“Exactly. I guess in the meantime you can just brush up on your French.”

“You want to go to France?”

“London and Paris, darling! That’s the plan.”

“We’ll have to talk about this in-depth. I need to map out what you want to do.”

“Do you want to head to Brooklyn and see if anyone is available?” Rosalina then asks as the eight of them dive right into their task at hand.

“Why not?” I respond to her. “Where are the keys to the Lexus?”

“In my bedroom.” Rarity calls back.

“Ok. I’m going to see if Rosalina’s guests are available.”

When we return home, I open the garage and Rosalina climbs in. A petrol check of half tank is just fine. Notwithstanding any trips back to White Plains, that should last us until Monday.

After Rosalina closes the garage, I get some wheel slip thanks to sidewalk cleaning prior to departure, so as soon as we hit the streets, I punch the throttle against a handful of Manhattan yellow lights, to which even someone as unshakable as Rosalina gets nervous.

When we hit a red light, Rosalina places her hand on top of mine and grips it ever so slightly. Knowing what she means by this, I look at her.

“I’m sorry, but we didn’t bust any reds.”

“I know, but please be careful.”

“You know I wouldn’t do anything like that without thinking.”

“I know, but still.”

“Hey, it’s something you won’t miss come our court date.”

“Don’t remind me. I’m not having an easy time coming to terms with the fact.”

“Obligation to ask then,” I say mostly to get it off my chest, “why are we going through with this?”

“Because it doesn’t make sense anymore. Our living situation, our lines of work, your own work obligations in addition to…”

“I hope that all the stuff that’s happened with all of them hasn’t played a part.”

“I can’t say it didn’t, but that’s just the nature of your work. You spend a lot of time with clients and your excessive chivalry while it doesn’t violate anything ethical, creates the opportunity for intimacy. And there’s something about you that’s just that attractive.”

“Well, I can’t be sorry for being chivalrous, but you know why I am attractive, my money.”

“Hmm.” She responds half pondering.

“To be honest,” I continue, “with all the shit that goes on in my head, I’m surprised we stayed together this long. I have no idea why you didn’t just up and leave, especially when you consider that we were close friends for a long time before we started dating.”

“When I met you, I saw someone who was very damaged goods with a bit of entitlement, but not without good reason. You got shafted majorly in many critical stages of your life, despite being dealt a good hand otherwise. In spite of that, I saw a fire of passion and compassion still burning strong in spite of the world’s many efforts to extinguish it. You show serious dedication to your work and those you care about. You are willing to drop everything at a moment’s notice if you can help. Look at what you’ve done for me: it’s because of you that I got the opportunity to work in Hawaii. It’s because of you that I can rotate between the three islands we operate. It’s because of you that I was blessed with the happiest years of my life. I always placed my parents on a pedestal because they showed me one of the many ways to love. Our marriage granted was nearly the complete opposite in almost all respects, but guess what? Because of you I discovered new ways to make marriage work. Because of you I put my ability to enjoy the limited time we had together to the test. I would never have asked for it otherwise, and I’m glad I got the opportunity to test my ability to cope with long-distance. Being able to enjoy the limited time we had together was a blessing in disguise. Because that was how our marriage was going to be, I feel stronger and more grown as a person. I don’t think I could’ve ever gotten that experience with anyone else.”

“Don’t make me cry.” I respond holding back tears. “Especially because when we met, I knew I wanted you. And yet, despite all the years we knew each other, the things we did together, the opportunities that arose from our relationship, and even when we decided to start dating, I… always felt like I had nothing to offer. I literally kept telling myself that the only reason I wanted you was to have a partner. Someone I could enjoy the journey of life with until the day I died, and then, when we got married, I knew that I made the right decision. Now here we are, almost ready to finalize our divorce, and yet somehow, we’ll remain friends and stay close. I can’t even begin to start at how grateful I am that we still will. To anyone else, it may seem awkward or even downright wrong, but it makes sense to us.”

“You’re right. It does seem wrong to want to sever our marriage certificate despite having everything we could ever want in each other, but guess what? I don’t have room in my heart for anyone else. I don’t think I’ll want to take care of anyone else except you. You’ve given me so much more than I could’ve ever wanted or asked for, and I could never repay you.”

“I don’t want you to think that our marriage was based on me showering you with gifts and you felt obligated to marry me for that.”

“No! I would never say that. I know we’re divorcing, but that has nothing to do with why we are.”

“Do we want to make it work? Should we just stay married and keep going about our lives like we never began the proceedings?”

Not expecting a response, I don’t get one.

Before long, we reach the former plumbing business once occupied by Mario and Luigi. The office is no longer in use, and the property is rather derelict, but this is arguably one of the most important pieces of property for the Mario Bros, because this is one of three portals into this world for them.

Parking next to their work trucks, each covered by a tarpaulin, we wait patiently by the warp pipes to see who comes through.

After about 20 minutes, I start to doze off waiting for them, so after I drop the windows and recline the seat back, Rosalina decides to see if she can call one of them, since surprisingly, there is cell service in the Mushroom World.

Rosalina then starts talking, so I assume she got through. As I watch her listening and responding, I wait with bated breath to see who’s coming.

When the call ends, Rosalina happily announces, “good news! All four of them are on their way.”

“Oh, that’s unfortunate. There’s only room for five.”

“They’re visiting the boys’ parents, and remember they only live a few blocks from here.”

“Oh that’s true. You want to stay with them?”

“No, no. I love them, but that house will get crowded with more than 6 people there.”

“Oh yeah, you’re right. Ha!”

No sooner do I chuckle does an ever-familiar sound signal the arrival of our fantastic four. Clad in their athleisure wear for Princesses Toadstool and Daisy, and the overalls, long sleeve shirts, brown work boots and signature caps of their husbands.

Excited to see them for the first time in years, we all exchange hugs and handshakes.

“How is everybody?”

“They’re just fine.“ Peach begins. “The boys got a trick at the helm on the throne, with the help of Toadsworth of course. They’d been looking forward to it; well Peter at least. Marc is afraid he’ll lose a lot of free time when their time comes.”

“What does he like to do now? Any different than we last met?”

“Not much. He has developed a knack for exploring power-ups. He’s gotten more outdoorsy as of late.”

“That’s awesome. How about Peter?”

“He’s great too! He’s developed a wonderful affinity for diplomacy. After the summit we had the last time you visited, Peter fell in love with cross-kingdom cultures and the like. He likes to say that understanding the local customs is something that everyone should undertake mandatorily.”

“I would 100% agree. Daisy, how’s the family and the kingdom?”

“Proud to say that everything on our side is just as peaceful as the MK! My dad and Luigi get along well now, though each side isn’t without their, um, hard heads from time to time. We’re glad to report across all realms that our kingdoms have also enjoyed an extended period of peace on the land, and the Koopa Navy is attempting a circumnavigation of the Grand Ocean. There are new lands to discover, and the Koopas are leading the charge. All three kids happily joined the expedition, especially because Lubba and his crew are aiding in the search.”

“That’s so awesome to hear you exploring all these new lands. I almost wish I was with you, but I do have a regular clientele, which explains my prolonged absence.”

“We understand.” Mario responds on their behalf. “That’s great to hear from you!”

“Speaking of prolonged absence, what’s the word on Jr and Annabelle? Are they still on course for marriage?”

“Yes they are! We’ve been meaning to tell both of you, but then things got a little messy in the planning stage. Because it is technically a royal wedding, the ceremony for just close friends and family will take place on a separate day from the public celebration.”

“Naturally.”

“The trouble is, both Annabelle and Jr are starved for ideas. None of them really want to do anything lavish, for either the public or the intimate ceremony.”

“Oh? How do you mean?”

“While both of them want to celebrate their love, being with their friends and family is what they want most, but the public ceremony needs to be lavish, since we’re not only uniting the two of them, but their marriage is now the symbol of the unity between two of our world’s former mortal enemies.”

“Well, I’m not sure what insight I can offer, but maybe Rosalina could go and see if there is anything she can do. I’m sure the Lumas would love to see her.”

“You won’t need to worry about that. We’ve been able to let our most trusted committees do most of the planning. The reason we didn’t call you actually is because we thought you would be needed, but when the planning committee put their approved plans into action, most of the actual wedding planning took care of itself from there.”

“Oh. Does she need help planning the intimate celebration? I have friends and connections that I’m sure would be more than willing to help in any way they can.”

“That would be nice.”

“Definitely! I’ll tell them that you’re interested.”

“Sounds good.”

“You gonna head to your parents’ now or are you gonna explore NY?”

“We’re gonna do some Coney Island stuff. Cliché as it may seem, we do enjoy carnival dates.” Mario says.

“So do we!” Daisy adds excitedly. “It’s the simple things, you know?”

Rosalina and I then look at each other and nod.

“Yes indeed, it is the simple things.”

“Before I forget, I’ll let you go after this: my friend Rarity is opening a boutique here in Manhattan. She would love to meet you, and you’ll be able to meet our party planner, who is assisting in the festivities of the grand opening. It’s on Sunday at 8 am. Can you come?”

“Sure!” Luigi responds. “I’m all for it. Where’s the boutique?”

“Just a few blocks from Times Square. I’ll get you specifics tomorrow.”

“Sounds good! Maybe I’ll find something I like!” Peach says as they get ready to leave.

“We’ll be in touch.” I add as they walk out.

“See you later!” Daisy calls as Rosalina and I climb back in.

Deciding to drive to the boutique, we snag a lucky grab right in front of the store, but no one is visible from the street. I assume they must be taking care of things in the back.

Upon entry, Rarity asks me to lock the door behind me, which I do. From there, the others emerge and carefully stock the rest of the racks with fresh dresses. Seeing these pieces gives me a real “artist at work” feeling as each dress is removed from its bag. Some of the girls even express their love of a dress to the point that Rarity somewhat jokingly offers them the piece for free. I chuckle at the fact as Rarity calls me back. Not surprisingly, everyone starts tittering, which leads to full blown laughter from Rainbow and Pinkie as I close the door to her office behind me.

“What’s the problem, Rarity?”

“Oh, nothing. I just wanted to go over where we should visit when we’re in Europe.”

“Well, is there anywhere else you want to visit besides the UK and France?”

“I don’t think so. You have been before, right?”

“I’ve been to Paris. My siblings made their way down to Rome. We’ve all seen the sun setting on the beach in Mexico.”

“Weird flex, but okay.”

“Point is, I have been, but it has been a while. And the last time I went, I almost got…”

“Got what, darling?”

“I almost got… murdered.” I say mumbling the last one.

“Sorry, dear, I’ve been working around loud noise all day. You’re going to have to speak up.”

“Ok then, don’t worry about it.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Nothin’.”

“Okay… well, I figure the least we can do in Paris is the Champs Élysées, the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe, and the Louvre.”

“I’ll drive down Champs Élysées, but I won’t shop there. How about Notre Dame? You want to see that?”

“Sure, if we have time.”

“How about Normandy? You want to walk along Omaha Beach?”

“Do you want to?”

“I did on my first trip, so there’s no pressure, but let’s not spend too much in one place.”

“Yes, of course. How about Britain? Is there anywhere you want to go?”

“The obvious tourist traps? Big Ben, London Eye, Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, Piccadilly Circus, among others. For you, I would suggest Savile Row, since that’s one of the premier bespoke fashion districts of the city.”

“Let’s do that!”

“Alrighty then. So, Champs Élysées, the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe, the Louvre, and Notre Dame if we have time in Paris. Big Ben, London Eye, Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, Piccadilly Circus, and Savile Row in London. We’ll cross off as necessary depending on how things go. Is there anything else you want to see outside of the capital cities besides Normandy?”

“Let me ask, is there anywhere you want to go? I’m willing to accompany you on things you want to see while you’re in either Britain or France.”

“If it allows, I may want to go to Drayton Manor.”

“What’s there? And where is it?”

“It’s in Birmingham. And admittedly, Thomas The Tank Engine is what’s there.”

“Go on?” She responds curiously.

“The original model trains they used for the show are on display, so it would be very much a “childhood fulfilled” as it were.”

“Don’t be silly. We can go if you want.”

“But this holiday isn’t for me. It’s for you.”

“Darling, you’re taking me to Europe! I’ll happily oblige!”

“Fine. Fine.”

“Besides, I think I have another way to express my gratitude.” She says slyly sliding me an envelope.

Gently opening it, I pull out two tickets to The BBC’s Last Night of The Proms. Seating inside the [Royal] Albert Hall. Front row. Center section.

“I know you’re a… band, geek. I figure this would be my way of expressing my gratitude.”

“I… I’m speechless. Thank you! So much.”

“You’re very welcome, dear! Please don’t lose those.”

“Of course not. I know how difficult these tickets are to get.“

I decide to put the tickets in a safe place, so I head home and put them on my duffel bag. I then enjoy an e-cigarette before making my way back to the boutique.

Tossing the stick in the closest bin I can find, Rosalina calls me in and asks for my help along with Applejack to take out the many boxes and dump/recycle them.

Stacking ‘em high, I check the height of the highest box above my head before making my way to the back door. Ultimately needing to crouch to clear it, I drop into a full squat, but one of the corners on the highest box hits the doorsill, which I try everything I can to recover but ultimately fail, spilling cardboard everywhere and looking dejected.

Applejack comes straight to my aid and grabs the spilled boxes, tossing them into the bin in one fell swoop, making me look utterly humiliated by not only being able to carry the boxes with ease, but also able to dispose of them just like that.

“Thanks AJ, I needed that.”

“Think nothin’ of it. I kinda saw it comin’.”

“Why? You doubt my abilities?”

“Years’a workin’ on the farm have paid off in knowing when a load is too unstable.”

“Well, I appreciate that, thank you.”

“Of course!”

“You seen Rosalina?”

“She said she was gonna go meet her friends in Brooklyn.”

“She take Rarity’s Lexus?”

“I think so? I didn’t see her leave.”

“Oh well. I’ll ask around I guess.”

“Hey,” the text comes in, “took the Lexus. Be on call, Mario and Luigi might want us over for dinner.”

“Do they know about the divorce?”

“No. The time isn’t right yet.”

“How long do you think it’ll be? I’m not really bothered, I’m just curious.”

“I don’t know. It’s too soon to tell. We haven’t seen them in over a year, so there’s a lot of catching up to do.”

“Yes, of course.” I then respond before telling Applejack, “Looks like she did take the Lexus. Hope Rarity won’t be mad.”

“Nah, I’m sure she’ll be okay with it.”

“Max, can you and Applejack help reorganize the stockroom?”

“How?”

“Don’t worry. I know how.” Applejack responds as we head back.

When that task finishes, the last person to meet in the main room is Pinkie, who oh so elaborately has the decorations and celebratory décor ready for tomorrow.

“You need us to help decorate anything?”

“Nope! Surprise attack!”

Everyone screams and runs for cover. Pinkie then tosses a bundle of streamers. To that, Rarity yelps as her inventory gets covered in paper.

“Pinkie!”

“Sorry!”

Rarity then calls everyone’s attention. “Okay everybody!”

“Bring it in!” Pinkie shouts.

“My goodness, who knew I could be this anxious.” She says mostly to herself. “Tomorrow is the big day. I know we’ve all worked very hard to make this a reality. Friendly reminder that Sassy Saddles And Coco Pommel will be arriving in a few minutes, so I want to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you with helping get the store ready, except for you Max, since all you did was drive.”

Everybody laughs.

“Wow Rarity, yer’ not mincing words are ‘ya?” Applejack says, keeping her laughter more internalized.

“My point is,” she says raising her voice, “without all of you, this would not be possible. And as we celebrated Fluttershy’s birthday, this makes these past few months even that much more special. I cannot thank all of you enough for how much you mean to me, even you Max.”

Everyone laughs, including me, who does the Applejack thing and keeps most of it inside.

“Hello?” A decidedly English woman singsongs as she knocks on the door.

“Sassy Saddles! Coco Pommel! Come on in!”

“I love what you’ve done with the place!”

“It’s very “You.”” The other adds.

“Thank you. I’m so glad you think so.”

“How’s Sweetie Belle?” The other asks.

“She’s good. She wants to stay at home but our parents want her to move out. She likes home though, that’s why she doesn’t want to leave.”

“That’s very sweet.”

“How’s the Broadway life?“

“I love it.”

“Who’s the pudgy hunk over there?” The Englishwoman then asks, pointing at me.

“Sassy, Coco, this is Max. He’s been our chauffeur for the past couple days.”

“Hello.” I respond flatly. “Split Scimitar, but Max is fine.”

“Well, Mr. Scimitar, a pleasure to meet you. Sassy Saddles.”

“Likewise, Ms. Saddles.”

“Just call me Miss Sassy.”

I chuckle at her response then continue with, “Miss Pommel, I presume.”

“Yes. Coco Pommel, Coco will be just fine.”

“Sure. A pleasure to meet you, Miss Coco.”

Before I can say anything else, Rarity cuts me short so she can show them around. Both Sassy and Coco need to get familiar with how the boutique is organized now that there are available dresses on display. Sassy seems to have a good idea of the Rules of Rarity, as it were, and Coco has picked up on it well too.

“Miss Sassy,” I begin as they take a look around the floor, “how long have you been working for Rarity?”

“Only about three years. She and I ran White Plains when Carousel was still a fledgling.”

“When did San Francisco open? Were you sent there immediately?”

“Six months after I began. It was rather scary at first, but that store isn’t as big as White Plains yet.”

“Very nice.” “Miss Coco, how do you know Rarity?”

“We actually met at New York fall fashion week about a year ago. I was designing dresses for on and off-Broadway plays, when Rarity and I started connecting over [an Oscar] de la Renta dress.”

“What plays have you designed? I may recognize some of your work.”

“Probably not, actually. I’ve been an understudy as of late.”

“Do you enjoy being the supporting role?”

“Actually yes. Getting credit and the spotlight can be quite overwhelming.”

“Sure. I understand that. That’s why I really learned to appreciate my time as a First Officer. As much as I wanted to chase upgrade times, to Captain that is, I’m glad I spent extra time as an F/O because that experience of being a support was so invaluable. I’m one of a select few who has single pilot privileges for multi-crew aircraft, and I would not have those privileges without spending my extra time in the shadows, for lack of a better term.”

“Mhmm.” Coco nods in agreement. “That’s exactly why I’m not hoping for a big break as of late. I don’t feel quite ready to lead in that respect.”

“Yes!” I say holding up my hand, which she somewhat uncharacteristically high fives despite initially flinching back. “Alright, pleasure to meet you. I have to run home and plug in. I’m down to 3%.”

“Oh my!” Sassy exclaims. “Get going quickly!”

“Bye Max.” Coco says as I smile and wave goodbye.

Author's Note

Annabelle is an OC of PrincessNellas, featured in the story “Mama Rosalina.”

Peter and Marc, sons of Mario and Peach, and Daisy’s father King Richard, along with Laura, daughter of Luigi and Daisy, who is not mentioned; are all OC’s of Nintendrawer, who has done some work on her Deviantart with the Equestria Girls! Her works on Luigi and Daisy’s romance and the introductions of their children were too fun to not include.

Intermixing these two otherwise separate storylines came from reading Mama Rosalina and replaying Super Mario Galaxy. Rewatching the final cutscene and the two parts to Game Theory’s “Rosalina unmasked” should help.

Part 1: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-JcK_Bfe3sw

Part 2: https://youtube.com/watch?v=xzWFuEH9HsA

A Journey to the Moon

Up and running before 7:00, Rosalina is already gone with the Lexus to Brooklyn per a text received at 6:43. I was in the shower at that point.

When she returns, I’m just out the door and am just about to cross my first block, when who should call me by an old nickname?

“Cap! Don’t try and run from us!”

“Wasn’t trying to!” I shout as I turn around and open my arms to embrace Princess Toadstool herself.

“Hi how are you?” I ask happily as we embrace. “It’s been so long!” I add hugging Princess Daisy. “We didn’t catch up enough yesterday.”

“Yes it has!” Daisy responds. “And no it wasn’t!”

”How’ve you been?” Peach asks.

“Pretty busy actually. Had at least one hire almost every month. It’s booming.”

“That’s great!”

“I forgot to tell you yesterday. My dad’s recently started contemplating abdication.”

“Oh? Sounds exciting.”

“I guess? It is kind of daunting to think that I will soon rule over all of Sarasaland. I’m just enjoying the time I have now.”

“Well, that’s always good. I should be telling myself the same thing.”

“Why?”

Rosalina immediately shoots me a worried look, but I reassure her by sighing and nodding, then telling her, “I’m glad my business is up. Contrary to what I would say when we first met, I’m starting to get sick of sitting at home waiting for a hire.”

“Fair enough.”

“Let’s get going! The ribbon cuts at 8:00, and I’m sure there’s a crowd already.”

Husbands and wives then walk hand in hand across the few blocks to the shop. Sure enough, inside the store are my friends, making some last minute adjustments to the décor with quite a sizable crowd outside. We join them and wait for the ribbon cutting.

“So, what does your client specialize in?”

“Uh, bespoke dresses, gowns, frocks, robes, skirts - minis and maxis, and other things. All handmade and tailored to the individual needs, wants, and desires of the commissioner.”

“Ooh! Could she design Annabelle’s dress?”

“Yes? Would be good to inquire.”

“Yes, and I hope she can. The wedding is in November, and we still haven’t gotten to the dress yet.” Peach adds rather bleakly.

“The wedding is in November and you haven’t gotten to the dress yet?!”

“No! We’ve been so busy making everything else perfect. Venue, decorations, seating arrangements! It is a coronation after all!”

“Of course. Well, if you’re available, I can certainly pull some strings if necessary.“

Three other people inside the store that I apparently didn’t notice when we arrived are talking with Rarity. I imagine they’re other employees of the store.

Displaying a calm that would make Rarity lose her mind, I sneak away from the crowd and have a cigarette, since I know I can get enough huffs in to extinguish the stick completely, since I have enough to last me a while.

When I return, Rarity and her friends emerge from the boutique, ready to address the building crowd.

“Good morning ladies & gentlemen. Thank you for coming to today’s opening of Rarity For You. It is my absolute pleasure to announce that this location is officially… open!”

Cutting the large ribbon, two of the girls fling open the doors and the crowd follows Rarity in. Flooding the boutique floor, the three employees quickly spring into action.

I usher everyone in and let them browse while I quickly make my way out of a crowd to take in the scene before me. I mind you have no part in these festivities other than as a “civilian,” so who am I to indulge in these successes? Point is though, I’m extremely happy for Rarity to see her accomplish one of her biggest career goals and dreams. I may be holding my breath to see how well she fares in the long run, but for now, all I can do is enjoy the grand opening and hope that I can publicly congratulate Rarity, since I’ll have all of this coming week or two with her all to myself.

Of course, her friends have all but gone to the back as the crowd eventually gets so large, I follow in their footsteps.

“I’ll be right back.” I say as I leave the five of them to shop.

“Hey Max.” Sunset says seeing me before the others. “What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing. Just congratulations to all of you.”

“Don’t congratulate us, we just helped with housewarming. Rarity deserves all the credit. Although, I have a feeling Rarity is gonna reward herself nicely.”

Everyone laughs except for Fluttershy.

“Okay, you know what? I know Rarity swore you to secrecy, but it is killing me. Why is Rarity suddenly crushing on me?”

“I don’t know.” Sunset responds now quizzical as me.

“I kinda get the feelin’ that it may just be Rarity being Rarity.” AJ adds.

“Rarity doesn’t really strike me as the hopeless romantic type though.”

Everybody bursts into laughter. Some for dramatic effect keel over and wheeze.

“Wow Max. You really do know nothing about any of us.” Rainbow Dash says struggling for air.

“I REALLY hope you’re just playing dumb.” Pinkie adds in kind. “Rarity TOTALLY has the hots for you.”

“Why though? She’s never been like this, and especially this… provocative.”

“Is that why ‘ye asked me about an invitation?” Applejack butts in.

“Yeah. She sent me in invitation and left a genuine kiss mark on it. She’s never been this excited to see me before, and on top of everything, she wants me to take her around Britain and France. How the hell could Rarity have a crush on me? ME??!!!”

“Um, it could just be feelings she was denying for a while?” Fluttershy adds quietly.

“Could be.” Dash responds. “You are a pretty awesome dude!”

“Thanks.”

“Or…” She then gasps. “Maybe she likes you because of your money!”

Now it’s Applejack’s turn to laugh hysterically.

“What’s so funnay??” Rarity then bursts out as she barges in.

“Oh, nothing.” Sunset answers almost too quickly. “Max was just saying…”

“I have friends who want to commission you for a dress!” I answer almost regretting exclaiming my answer. “Their daughter is getting married in a couple months and she has yet to take care of it.”

Completely shocked by both Sunset and I responding so similarly, she blinks a couple times and finally computes an answer.

“Well, if it’s a wedding dress, and she wants it in a month, please point me in her direction. I’m sure I can make some space for a wedding dress.”

“Let’s go find ‘em!” I say slipping into a south country accent, quickly biting my tongue and wincing while silently whispering, “damn it Applejack.”

“Peach, Daisy, meet Rarity.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Both of these lovely ladies are the standing monarchs of the Mushroom Kingdom and Sarasaland respectively. Peach is interested in commissioning you for her daughter Annabelle’s wedding dress.”

“You’re a Princess???” She responds dumbfounded.

“Well, I guess am technically a queen, but I’ve used Princess for as long as I can remember.”

“Mario, Luigi, this is Rarity.” I then say just as the plumbers join us. “Introducing the prince consorts of the Mushroom Kingdom,” I say pointing to Mario, “And Sarasaland,” I finish with Luigi. “I need to use the bathroom, but please do get acquainted with each other. Be right back!”

Quickly heading into the back room, Starlight and Sunset look back first, but too concerned about actually having to go, I run into the bathroom and take care of my business.

When I emerge from the bathroom, Dash and Fluttershy are now on the shop floor while AJ is enjoying a slice of pizza with Starlight and Sunset. Pinkie and Twilight are both on their phones as I head back to join the conversation.

“So, what’d I miss?”

“Not much actually.” Mario answers. “The wedding date is November 1, and Rarity has agreed to make Annabelle’s dress. Now where’s your party planner? I’d love to run some ideas by.”

“Let me go find her.”

Heading into the back room, I ask Pinkie to meet some friends of ours.

“Pinkie, Princess Peach, Princess Daisy, and their husbands, Mario and Luigi respectively.”

“Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie and I plan parties!”

“Wonderful!” Peach responds. “My daughter Annabelle is getting married in November, and while we have her public coronation handled, she and her fiancé want a private ceremony with close family and friends. Could you help?”

“Of course! How available are you from now until then?”

“If it’s wedding-related, we’ll happily clear our schedule.”

“Let’s exchange contact information then. I live in Miami; are you from here?”

“They’re the standing rulers of the Mushroom World, but the portal to their universe is in Brooklyn, so yes and no.”

“Oh! Maybe I should also be planning for trips into the Mushroom World?”

“Well, we’ll want to visit you so we can see what you have to offer.” Peach says.

“Oh!” I interject. “Is Rarity doing the wedding and the coronation dress?”

“Just the wedding dress. Annabelle picked out her coronation dress already.”

“Cool. And of course, if one of you needs to make trips, just let me know. Usual terms and conditions apply.”

“Would you like to come to the Mushroom World now?”

“I’d love to, but my flight home is tomorrow.”

“Not a problem. Will you be able to come back up here anytime soon?”

“Um, I could try next week.”

“I can go either way, but it’d have to be next week at the earliest. I’m taking Rarity to Europe on Wednesday.”

“Oh. Well, we have a month and a half. We’ll definitely figure something out.”

“Yeah!”

“Why don’t you two start brainstorming and then run the ideas by Annabelle when you get back?” I suggest. “If I know Pinkie, she can throw a party together pretty quickly.”

With that, they head outside just as Rarity heads into the back room. I follow her in and find Twilight and Applejack talking with Rosalina about me, evidenced by the looks I get when I walk back. Sensing this, I immediately turn around return to the shopping room floor, where the crowd has died down significantly and a bunch of dresses are marked with “SOLD” tags. Eliminating those mentally from the shop floor wipes out approximately two thirds of her visible inventory, before noon.

While I am here to enjoy the festivities as much as the rest of her friends, I decide to head back to home and grab some more e-cigarettes. Of course, I won’t be using any of them until we get to Europe, so I instead keep the one I began and try to run it dry before carrying the others.

When I return, the final sale of the remainder of the crowd is completed with Coco, and after she leaves, Sassy places a SOLD tag on the dress, leaving only one on the floor available.

Everyone except for Pinkie is now on the floor. Rarity elatedly takes in the now empty shop floor, seeing the only dress unsold, which I’m standing next to.

“Congratulations Rarity,” I say soft enough to barely be audible, “I think this opening was a smashing success.”

“I’ll say!” Applejack cheers, “hoo whee! You’ve got ‘yer work cut out for ya tomorrow.”

“Yes indeed. Most of these dresses on display have to be adjusted or remade for some of the differently shaped customers.”

“You gonna be okay?”

“I hope so. From what most of the staff have told me, all but one or two are simple readjustments.”

“You still gonna be able to do the Europe trip?”

“Yes of course. It just means that I’ll be busy most of tomorrow.”

“Well, I guess I’m taking you all to the airport. Kennedy, Newark, or LaGuardia?”

“Kennedy.” Pinkie says.

“Kennedy.” say AJ.

“JFK!” Rainbow says to be different.

“Kennedy.” Sunset answers.

“Kennedy.” Fluttershy nods.

“Queens!” Says Twi, also to be different.

“Kennedy.” Starlight says.

“All tomorrow?”

Yeses all around, except for Rosalina, but I already know she’s leaving on Tuesday.

“Alright, give me departure times and I’ll shuttle you accordingly.

“Pinkie?”

“Yes?”

“Your flight doesn’t depart until the evening. Why don’t you pop ‘round the MK for a day?”

“You could meet Annabelle.” Peach adds as she joins us. “And you could check out the venues.”

“Really?” She responds half-excited.

“You’re all invited to the intimate ceremony. You can be guests of both our planner and of a guest of honor.”

“Really?” I respond in the same way as Pinkie. “I barely even know her!”

“No, but you are married to her adoptive mother. No way we can’t invite you!”

“Gee, I… I’m honored.”

“Oh, stop. She really liked you when you met back then. No reason to doubt she’d like you now.”

“Should I go with them?” She asks the group.

“Why not?” Applejack begins. “You love to plan ‘yer parties, and this would be one heck of a party.”

“We could run some of the kingdom coronation ideas by you!” Peach says to sweeten the deal. “I’m sure the royal coronation committee would love an outside eye.”

“How can I say no to that?!” She responds with hearts in her eyes, giddier than me in an airliner.

“I’ll go too.” Rosalina adds. “I’d love to see my dear Lumas again.”

“Let’s go then!” I exclaim. “Anyone else wanna join?”

“I’d love to, but I’m here to see Manhattan.” Dash says.

“Same here. I haven’t been to New York, so I planned a whole trip.” Sunset adds.

“I’ll come.” Starlight says. “I can say I’ve been to three separate worlds in one trip. I’m sure Twilight would love a trip report.”

“I’m venturing with Rainbow Dash. Sorry.” Applejack then says almost afraid to admit it.

“No worries.”

“Sorry. As interesting and lucrative as your offer sounds, I’m Sunset’s travel buddy.”

“Good on ya. Especially here. I guess we’re set then. Wanna go now?”

“Are we gonna spend the night?”

“If you want to.”

“We’ll see. Let’s stop by the house and grab our things. Just in case.”

With that, we bid our farewells.

When we get home, Rosalina says “I’ll drive them to Brooklyn. Should I just come back for you or are you going to drive the Rolls Royce?”

“Just come back. In case they need to use it.”

“Okay. Pinkie, you should go first. The Mushroom World’s customs for first-time visitors will take a little while.”

“Okie dokie, Loki!”

“Who’s driving?”

“I will.” Luigi says.

“Awful brave of ‘ya.” I quip back.

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Nothing.”

Taking Peach, Pinkie, Mario, and Daisy with them, Rosalina and I are left alone with Starlight for at least a half hour.

“So, when would be a good time to break the news? If we don’t do it now, we’ll have to break it to both royal families, the Lumas, and eventually, Annabelle.”

“I know. I just don’t want to dishearten anyone especially this close to a wedding.”

When Luigi returns, I toss my stuff in and ask,

“You gonna take the car through the pipes?”

“You want to?”

“Not really. I feel like it’d be so much faster to warp direct to the castle.”

“Alright.”

When we reach the bros’ old office, Luigi parks next to their work trucks and hides the car strategically out of prying eyes, then after grabbing my bag, he gives me the keys, I lock it and follow my wife, Luigi, and Starlight into the pipe.

*sound of warp pipe*

We all emerge in front of the castle in a very familiar spot. The castle has gone through some changes in the year and a half since I visited, including an updated hallmark stained glass window, and where there used to be just a giant empty circle is now a grand fountain. It is quite beautiful.

“Wow!” I exclaim. “So much has changed! I love what you’ve done with the place.”

“Thank you. Bowser actually helped with it some. He redid this entire fountain area.”

As I admire the fountain, another pipe emerges and warps out the rest of the party.

“Hello!” Mario calls as he pops out of the pipe.

“OMD, é bellissimo!” I respond.

“Grazie.”

“Pinkie, welcome to the Mushroom Kingdom!”

“I’m going to go ahead into the garden. I’m going to see if Starship Mario is here.”

“I’ll go with you. I’ll let the royals themselves take care of Pinkie and Starlight.”

With that, she smiles and we join hands, interlocking fingers and walking tall to the castle garden.

Unfortunately, the landing pad for Starship Mario is empty, so the two of us can only assume that they’re with the Koopa Kingdom’s discovery convoy or on a maritime cosmos patrol. In any case, we’re both sad to miss them, but hopefully they’ll be here when we return for the coronation and wedding. Instead, I sit down in the garden and lay under the shade of one of the trees dotting the garden, Rosalina’s comet observatory in full view, parked majestically next to the landing pad for Starship Mario, the distinction of which is marked by Mario’s face on the pad for SS Him.

After about a half hour or so under the trees, Daisy and Luigi ask us to head into the castle so we can meet Annabelle.

“Oh my goodness! Rosalina, hi!” Annabelle squeals upon seeing her adoptive mother enter the castle foyer.

“How are you, Annabelle? You remember my husband, Cap?”

“Hi how are you?” I respond somewhat shyly.

“I’m doing well. Excited for November!”

“I’m so happy for you, even though we’ve only known each other for a year.”

“Oh, that’s alright. You’re family anyway. Rosalina and I talk all the time.”

“I’m glad you stay in touch. Where’s Jr?”

“He’s with his father. The Koopa kingdom is on a long voyage to explore our world. They’ve already discovered over 10 different kingdoms. You know Donkey Kong?”

“I do! I helped plan his wedding!”

“Oh yes, of course! Sounded like a lot of fun.”

“It was a success. Everyone was happy, but are you a car person?”

“Not particularly, but I do enjoy driving.”

“Sure. I only ask because you likely would’ve driven one of nineteen or twenty Bugatti Veyron of mine. Unless you like that kind of thing, I doubt you would enjoy it otherwise.”

“Oh okay. Well, in any case, I’m sure you know about how he and Pauline rebuilt New Donk City and the Metro Kingdom basically from the ground up.”

“Yes, I’ve heard. I haven’t been, but I hear it’s a true metropolis now.”

“I’ve heard the same. I’ll be visiting them when Jr and I go on our celebratory tour.”

“That’s good to hear. Congratulations.”

“Thank you. It means a lot.”

“Are we ready?” Peach asks.

“Where are we going?”

“The wedding chapel.” Annabelle responds.

“Where is it?”

“Honeylune Ridge.”

“Where’s Honeymoon Ridge?”

“HoneyLUNE ridge. You actually kind of gave it away.”

“The moon?!”

“Yeah!” Peach responds. “Let’s go!”

Just then, a very large top-hat shaped airship touches down by the fountain.

“Is that a…?”

“Yes it is!” Mario says removing his cap, as if to tip his hat to the ship. “Let’s-a go!”

Completely cap-tivated by the ship, I notice the “registration” of 999 preceded by a crescent moon. “Interesting.” I think to myself.

When I step aboard the actual hull of the ship, or brim of the hat as it were, a ghost emerges from inside the hat. Speaking indistinctly with Mario and Luigi, I take a walk on the deck and get a feel for the admittedly cramped ship.

“Welcome aboard the Odyssey!” Mario says coming over to me. “Meet Cappy. He’s the owner of this ship.”

“Hi there!” He greets. “Cappy.”

“Hello Cappy. Pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise. Welcome to the Odyssey. We’re going to Honeylune Ridge right?”

“Yeah.” Mario replies.

“Alrighty. Special rule about flying to the moon. No one is allowed to be on deck before we reach escape velocity. Once we clear the atmosphere, then I can let you out.”

“Awesome! How long will it take?”

“10 minutes or so. Depends on how easily we can hit escape velocity.”

“Okay. I don’t know if Mario told you, but my friend Pinkie Pie and I need to be back in New York tomorrow morning at the latest.”

“Thank you for letting me know. That Pinkie Pie girl is quite a chatterbox.”

“That she is. She’s here to help plan Annabelle’s wedding and coronation, so we’re just scoping out the chapel and the rest of Honeylune Ridge.”

“Oh! Okay! Let’s get going then.”

“Hey,” Daisy says, “dad needs Luigi and I back now.”

“Okay. Sorry you can’t join us.”

“Us too. We’ll see you guys at the wedding and coronation! It was nice meeting you Pinkie!”

“Same here!” Pinkie calls back. “It’ll be an awesome party, I can already tell!”

“I hope so! Bye!”

“Alrighty,” Mario chimes, “everyone inside!”

Seeing as how the actual ship is about 3/4 of a traditional studio apartment, the 5 of us are a bit cramped inside. Nevertheless, we all find ways to get comfortable as Cappy starts the ship and gets us going.

When we land on the moon, to my surprise, we don’t need any breathing apparatuses. However, here, I do feel lighter. As I should. This is the moon after all.

Mario and Cappy then lead us to the chapel, where a sudden realization hits me.

“If Annabelle and Junior are getting married here, how are all the kingdoms going to watch it?”

“This is for the intimate ceremony. The coronation is going to take place in Toad Harbor. It’s the only city close to the Koopa border that can accommodate the potential crowd.”

“Oh. Well, I love it either way!”

“Glad you do.” Annabelle says, “Rosalina is the ring bearer.”

“Alrighty! Who’s officiating?”

“Both Mario and Bowser.”

“Okay.” I respond just as I catch Pinkie exploring the venue rather intimately.

“I hope you’re not looking for places to conceal your party cannon.”

“Of course not! I’m looking for places to put my party cannons so that we can shower the newlyweds in confetti!”

Sighing, I only facepalm and whisper “of course she would. Pinkie being Pinkie.”

“I think I can make this the best! Wedding! EVER!” She squeals excitedly. “I’ll need to come back here at least once or twice though.” She says to Peach.

“Can be done.”

“What time is it at home?” I ask with my watch and phone clocks rendered useless.

“Just shy of 17:00.”

“We’ve only been here an hour?”

“Yeah. You want to head back.”

“I guess. Is there anything else to do here?”

“Not really.”

“Wanna go to Toad Harbor?” I ask. “Are coronation staff there?”

“They should be.”

“Do they know about Pinkie.”

“I can introduce her.”

“Let’s do that!”

When we arrive at Toad Harbor, to my surprise I get a very strong San Francisco vibe, more than usual. Then again, I was fortunate enough to take residence in an old complex in Neo Koopa City, only a few dozen miles or so into the Koopa Kingdom from here. Dirt cheap lot, since the complex was basically abandoned when the Koopa moved their capital from Neo Koopa City to its present home of Castle Koopa. Yes, the city is named after its defining feature.

Exploring the city, glad there isn’t a race in town, Pinkie is soon introduced to the heads of the coronation committee, where they start to exchange ideas. Eventually, we make our way around the location of the crowning ceremony.

Built on one of the prominent hills in the city, a bell tower linked to another castle features a strong platform overlooking the city’s marina and ports. I assume the plan is for the newly-crowned princess to wave to a crowd on boats and those that crowd the rooftops of all the buildings and the streets she’ll be facing.

As I look out to the view, I smile contentedly, knowing that even with a stiff sea breeze, this is one of the best spots in the city. Visible in the distance is the Koopa Kingdom, though I imagine the Statue of Princess Peach would provide better views from her crown, or even the star in her upheld hand?

As the sun slowly makes its way across the sky, the bell tower rings. I time check and note that the time difference between Toad Harbor – the former capital city, and the Mushroom Kingdom’s easternmost settlement; and Toad Town – the current capital city, and the westernmost settlement in the MK, is 5 hours.

I talk to Cappy about the ship as we continue to explore Toad Harbor, with plenty of locals giving us looks. I try and avoid attention, since I’m merely Rosalina’s husband, and really, Annabelle is with us. Of course, me being me, I can’t help but express my interest in the Odyssey. Cappy I imagine can see this and happily talks about his ship. It is his pride and joy after all, so he ought to flaunt it.

Soon, it comes time for dinner. Princess Peach then takes us to one of her favorite pizza joints in the city, which is in actuality, a bit of a hole in the wall, but after seeing the many denizens enjoying slices outside, it looks pretty legit.

Various pies line the shop’s counter, ranging from vegetable supreme (yes, there are mushrooms on these pizzas) to meat lovers, with plain cheese, four cheese, and almost everything in between. They even do custom/BYO whole pies and have a suggestion box for future toppings combinations, which is laughably full.

The staff give Princesses Peach and Rosalina friendly salutations and follow them religiously in anticipation of what they want. Annabelle gets a more fanatic treatment, mostly due to the upcoming coronation. It’s here that I see how great of a sport she is in dealing with all the attention for said upcoming event. She takes a lot after Rosalina. After all, she raised her.

Each of us gets one slice of something different, and despite not being presented with a bill, Peach leaves them the amount due.

Taking a vacant large table outside, we enjoy our slices in the late afternoon sun, with not a cloud in sight. Not even the sea breeze is enough to ruffle anyone’s hair. Well, maybe Pinkie’s, but the lack of a sea breeze doesn’t quite feel like San Francisco.

When the time comes for us to leave Toad Harbor, we pile into the Odyssey, and upon sitting down on the one chair aboard, exhaustion hits me like a Portland milkshake. I pass the heck out soon after we take to the skies, thinking 1. Milkshakes don’t contain concrete, and 2. Dogs can understand many human words, but why can’t we speak bark? (I think Fluttershy can though).

When we land at the castle, Toad Town still has about 2 hours of daylight left, but even in spite of my short nap, I’m absolutely beat.

“Did I leave a car at this castle?” I ask in my stupor.

“Yes you did.” Peach responds. “Why?”

“Nothing really. Just curious is all.” I continue as my lips stop moving, leaving the rest of my mouth to do most of the talking. “Unfortunately, I think I’m stayin’ the night here. Somebody catch me.” I say as I finally succumb to my biological desire to hard reboot.

Waking up with a painful groan, the room around me is all white except for a single artwork right above the headboard. Sitting up, I take a good long look at the painting.

“Oh, they put me here.” I say to myself as I look around the room. “Where’s my bag?”

Once my vision finally starts to clear up, I find the bag neatly sitting on the floor close to the door. I then force myself out of the bed and fish out the essentials, toiletries and my new change of clothes, before heading into the en suite.

A hot, steamy shower and equally relaxing nap after the fact is ruined by the reminder that I have to do airport shuttles. Forcing myself to get ready for a mildly tough day ahead, I brush my teeth, pack my bag, and exit the bedroom.

To my surprise, the smells coming from the castle kitchen are rife with sugar and baking bread. That can only mean one thing.

“Snowball sprinkle cupcake waffles, jellybean beignets, and of course, the sugar cookie croissants!!!”

“Yep. I called it man.” I sigh to myself as Pinkie is having the time of her life showing the castle cooks her dessert making skills.

Being a fly on the wall as best I can, I keep my distance and try to keep my profile low to see where Pinkie goes with this. To my surprise, all of those desserts she mentioned are cooling down right now.

“Hey Max!” She calls amidst her task.

“How did you know?”

“Saw your reflection in the oven door.”

“Go figure. Are these ideas for the coronation?”

“As hors d’oeuvres, maybe. But obviously, they have to be desserts.”

“Can you make an hors d’oeuvre out of any of these? They seem awfully intricate to be able to squeeze into a bite size. If you can, mad kudos, but these are good desserts.”

“Obviously.“

“Friendly reminder that your flight out is tonight, and it’s currently 8:56 am.”

“Don’t worry! It’ll be fine! I don’t need to be at the airport until 3:00 anyway.”

“That means the latest we can leave is about 14:00. Warp pipe shouldn’t take too long, but the issue will be fighting the traffic to the airport, which isn’t all that surprising, but still doesn’t mean I can’t take precautions.”

I then put my bag by the front door and wait for the Princess.

“Good morning Max!” She calls from atop the grand staircase. “You feeling better?”

“Yeah. Sorry if I scared you. I just got exhausted really quickly. Hit a wall when we left Toad Harbor.”

“I’m glad you feel better. When does Pinkie Pie leave?”

“Her flight leaves at 17:00, so I’d like to get her there along with another friend to JFK before traffic gets too bad.”

“Definitely.”

“Pinkie’s having fun with the baker toads. Lots of sugar in there. Getting cavities and a heart attack just thinking about it.”

“Oh dear. Don’t do that.”

“Hopefully we can get back to Brooklyn quickly. Isn’t New York and here on the same time zone?”

“Yes.”

“K cool.”

A few moments later, Pinkie emerges with a plate full of steaming hot desserts for Peach to taste.

“Try these. I think these would be nice for either the coronation or the wedding.”

Taking a bite of each dessert she has, Peach ponders for a bit before saying, “These are all really good. I’m sure Annabelle would approve, but I’d love to take these to her.”

“I have a fresh batch in the kitchen. Let me get them.” She responds heading back into the kitchen.

When she emerges, she hands the new tray off and splits the rest of the tray with me.

“How did you become friends?” She asks.

“We met through Rarity. She’s a famous party thrower in her neighborhood. It’s quite a block party.”

“Sounds fun.”

“It really is.”

“There’s plenty to snack on still. Let me clean up and pack, then we can head back!”

“Alrighty.” I respond as she heads back into the kitchen.

With Pinkie and Starlight all ready to go, Peach comes down with Annabelle, we exchange hugs, and head for the pipes.

Author's Note

This map should provide a solid reference as to the layout of the Mushroom World.

Inspired by Walkazo’s map of the Mushroom World.

Toad Harbor is located at Mario’s Pad and Castle Toadstool (Westminster), approximated as Shanghai.

Into the Light

Back in New York, a muggy system is passing through, which creates a temperature/humidity spread of 90/90, uncharacteristically hot even for New York City. Nevertheless, when I return to the boutique, I head in and call for the other passenger leaving, Twilight.

A tough goodbye, the girls share all the hugs before we head home so they can gather their things. With plenty of time before we need to be there, we take our sweet time making our way out. Naturally, I have a stick, to which both girls, surprisingly fast packers, bust me.

“Max!” Twi exclaims. “I thought you were gonna quit!”

“Yeah, you promised us!” Pinkie adds.

“Two things. 1. I’m one step closer to divorce, I need one right about now, 2. I made no such promise.”

“Yeah you did!”

“When?”

“Uh…”

“Thought so. If you’re ready,” I say as I take one last huff, “we can head for Kennedy.”

The car ride is unusually quiet. The radio is off, so the loudest thing in the car is the A/C; not even Pinkie is willing to speak.

When we hit the heavy traffic, I sigh audibly and go with the flow, since I have about 15 miles to the airport.

“Max,” Twilight says nervously, “you know just as much as I do that Pinkie and I both understand where you’re coming from, but smoking?”

“Do you know what those do to you??” Pinkie asks.

“Do you have any respect for your body?”

“I know the symptoms, I know the dangers. That’s why I e-smoke. Haven’t had a real cigarette since I was 23.”

“You mean to tell me you’ve been smoking e-cigarettes this entire time?” Pinkie asks.

“Yes. Haven’t we had this conversation before?”

“That doesn’t mean we don’t have a valid point in reacting like we did to seeing you smoke.” Twi responds quite quickly.

“I have a stash from before I ever knew Rosalina. I’m trying to be rid of it, so sorry if you see it a lot, but I’m trying to get rid of them, and I’m just pacing myself to consume them at a non-rapid rate.”

“Okay,” Twi responds, “but that doesn’t mean you’re completely out of the woods. E-cigarettes are by no means safe.”

“Fair enough. I don’t enjoy smoking real cigarettes anyway.”

“I think you’re missing Twilight’s point Max. We’re upset and have every right to be. Just because you smoke e-cigarettes doesn’t mean you can call them safe and smoke to your heart’s and lungs’ content. There are still a lot of risks involved.”

“And I know that not just Pinkie or I can vouch for this. Rosalina and Applejack too say that it makes you kind of unfun to be around.”

“That’s a good thing then.” I half-snap back. “I was only quitting because Rosalina wanted me to. Now I can start digging away at that big stash again.”

“How big is your stash?”

“I have boxes of them that take up almost a whole bedroom.”

“How much did that cost you?”

“I don’t remember off the top of my head.”

“That’s money you’ll never see again.”

“Actually, I can. Here’s the money.” I say taking a huff so big, I think I cut the stick’s life in half.

Exhaling the contents of that breath makes a cloud so thick, both girls audibly object. My sly hands turned off the A/C and locked the passenger window switches, so I’ve effectively hotboxed them. But it’s just harmless water vapor after all.

I repeat the big huffs at least three more times, so just as we get into view of Kennedy, I keep the car as clouded as possible. Right before we reach the terminal loop, I turn the A/C back on and open the windows.

“What were you trying to prove with that??!” Twilight asks angrily.

“That you had nothing to worry about. None of that secondhand water vapor posed any danger to anyone.”

“Max, when we met, I thought you were gonna be an awesome friend, but I guess I may have been wrong.” Pinkie adds with a somber note.

“Mission accomplished.” I mumble to myself. “You’ve finally pushed them to their breaking point.” I then tell the two of them, “I’m sorry I did that, but I cannot apologize for being a smoker.”

“And to think I met someone who understood the value of living a wholesome healthy life doing what he loves!” Twi adds, clearly hurt.

“Sorry to disappoint. You guys are like family, so I guess it was inevitable for me to let you down. Welcome to my family I guess.” I say as I park in the drop off zone.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this!” Twi furiously claps back. “You think that by disappointing us, that we’re officially full-fledged family members?”

“Not when you put it like that.”

“I sure hope Rarity will see sense by the time you come back from Europe. If she thinks you’re the real deal and not just a crush of hers, she’s making a really big mistake.” Twi says as she angrily grabs her suitcase and heads straight into the terminal, not bothering to say goodbye.

“I don’t know what caused you to become like this, but I hope that whatever’s causing it gets a swift cake to the face.” Pinkie says on the verge of tears leaving in much the same way as Twilight.

As the red mist descends, I get back in the car, leaving the terminal with such fury that all four tires (AWD car) start smoking. Furiously, I have a few huffs as I race back to Manhattan to pick up our next passengers.

Apple and Dash meet me at home with their bags ready by the time I get there, we load in less than 30 seconds and the two hop into the back, prompting me to quip,

“Guess I’m an Uber driver. Shoulda used the Rolls.”

“No thanks.” Applejack responds. “I don’t like ridin’ in that thing.”

“What do you have against it?”

“As soon as that door closes, it’s like you’re shut out of the world.”

“Why might that be an issue?” I ask, though I suspect I know the answer.

“I don’t like being disconnected from the world around me like that.”

“You feel disconnected because you’re not driving, you’re “floating on a cushion” instead?”

“Pretty much.”

“No lie, I feel the same way. But it has quite a beast under that hood, and it is supposed to iron out bumps and not compromise the quality of the ride. My Rolls Royce friends like to say “if you work at Rolls Royce and use words like “handling” or “sporty,” you’d be fired.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow adds, “but it’s mated to a slushbox.”

“Says the person too afraid to drive a manual because she thinks she’ll spin out. Then again, you do drive a Mustang.”

AJ laughs, as Dash says “Hey, at least I upgraded. I got a color more… me.”

“Velocity Blue?”

“Oh yeah!” She says showing me a picture of her new car from her ~~Insta~~ Ponygram.

“Dude, I have one in that color. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Three pedals, dummy.”

Rolling my eyes, I join the freeway again, glad that traffic is lighter. Since I have RD and AJ, I keep my foot down to keep them from falling asleep. They still do though, as when I park, I brake a little extra hard to jolt them awake. Popping the trunk, I grab their suitcases and give them hugs goodbye, but when AJ and I embrace, she says, “take care of Rarity, will ya’?”

“Well, I’m not here to fuck spiders.” I quip as I look back at a Qantas takeoff.

“What?”

“I’m not here just to fly her.”

“Well, I think she might be, uh… realizing some things about ‘ya.”

“Okay, I have to ask,” now wary of us spending too much time in the white zone, “does she really have a crush on me?”

Taking a deep breath, she sorrowfully responds, “yes. She does.”

“Great. And Rosalina’s here too.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Twilight told me she thinks Rarity’s making a big mistake. For everybody’s sake, I hope she’s right.”

“Aw, don’t get all con-twisted about it. She really does like you.”

“I think she wants me for my money.”

“Horseapples. Just show her a good time.”

“Alright.”

“Bye Max.”

“Later.”

Back in Manhattan, Sunset and Fluttershy are due out, so we take our time. Sunset turns on the radio once we get going, and Fluttershy has an earbud of her own in, so I don’t do any talking.

Rinse and repeat with AJ and Dash, and I return to Manhattan to see Starlight and Rosalina talking about life as Rarity whizzes away, working on some of her day 1 sales that need adjusting.

“Hey Max.” Starlight calls with a wave. “Join us?”

“Alright, what’re we having?”

“Brooklyn style pizza. Some leftover from when you took Pinkie and Twilight.”

“Okay. What’s on it?”

“Just plain cheese.”

“Yeah, alright.” I say as I look for a good slice.

As we finish the box, Rarity emerges and takes a slice on her late lunch/early dinner break.

“How’re the adjustments going?” I ask curiously.

“Splendidly. I guess I forget how many of my customers are bigger sizes than I usually do.”

“That’s nice. How many do you have to do?”

“I’ve completed 5 of them, and I think I have about a dozen more or so to go.”

“Okay. Rosalina leaves tomorrow at 10, so I’ll take her right before morning rush.”

“Don’t forget I leave at 10 tonight.” Starlight adds.

“Yes, yes of course. Say, how long have you been a regular in this world. I mean when was your first trip?”

“It’s been a few years I think.”

“Nice! Do you like it here? I mean, more than enough to actually become a full-fledged citizen of the US?”

“Yeah. I do actually. It’s a nice place for me to escape if I need to.”

“Where’s home?”

“Burlington, Vermont.”

“Why there in particular?”

“Reminds me the most of home.”

“That’s awesome! I told Princess Twilight too that I would love to visit Equestria someday.”

“I definitely recommend it, though I may be biased seeing as I’m from there.”

“Fair enough. I say the same thing about this world.”

“And your point would be very valid.”

“Hey, right back at ya, if I get the chance to go. Equestria sounds nice.”

We chuckle then turn to Rarity, whose completed adjustments return to the mobile rack so she can take them back out to the shop floor.

“How does your Rarity compare to ours?”

“Actually, there are quite a few striking similarities, mostly in how she managed to open a boutique in one of the biggest cities in our worlds. I’d say I’m not surprised, since there is an exact copy in my world.”

“Sure.”

“Okay.” Rarity then says out of her office. “I have only two more adjustments and then I’ll be all caught up. Starlight, when do you leave?”

“10:00 PM.”

“Okay, so we don’t have to take you until after dinner.”

“Yeah.”

Soon, we drop off Starlight, who bids us farewell with a hug and a promise of salutations to Princess Twilight. Rosalina, Rarity and I then head into Times Square to enjoy some cheesecake from Roxy Diner to cap off the first weekend of shop operations for the new Manhattan boutique.

Next morning, the three of us are up to get Rosalina to JFK in time for her 10:00 am departure to Honolulu on Hawaiian Airlines Flight 51. Because of morning rush, we leave Manhattan together but switch cars, so I’m taking the Phantom to Kennedy.

As Rarity takes her Lexus one way, I head the other way and make for Kennedy, the differences in driving feel throwing me for a whirl, feeling like a cushy magic carpet, even when I put my foot down.

When we reach terminal loop, my chest starts to hurt as the moment of departure has finally arrived.

“I said this the last time, I’ll say it again. I hate this part.”

“I know, but at least the roles are reversed.”

“Yeah.”

“By the way, I think Rarity has a crush on me. Don’t be surprised if sex ends up on the table.”

“I kind of picked up on it.”

“Here’s your evidence of an extramarital affair.” I say with a slight waver.

We both exchange sorrowful looks and one last hug as I see her off, not getting into the car until she walks through the automatic double doors. With that, I pop an Advil, put my foot down, and see what Rarity needs/wants me to do, since it’s just us now. Fingers crossed.

“Good, you’re back,” Rarity says opening her front door for me, “I want to take my car to Europe.”

“You don’t want to just rent a car?”

“Why? We can just use mine. I like my Rolls Royce.”

“I won’t argue, though why do you say you like the Lexus better?”

“I like the way it drives, but a Rolls Royce is a Rolls Royce.”

“Wish I could say. I’ve never been a backseat passenger in one.”

“Really?”

“In my life, I’ve always been a driver. I guess my perceived skills as a pilot transfer to an automobile.”

“Well, I want to get there early, so we should leave tonight.”

“Let’s do that.”

“Then get to sleeping!”

KHPN GREKI NELIE SPENO MANCH ENE TOPPS USBAM RENNY NAPLO YAY RIKAL 5300N/05000W 5400N/04000W 5400N/03000W 5300N/02000W LIMRI DOLIP CRK EVRIN EGKK

Gotta go to Gatwick, Heathrow can’t accommodate us. Cleared as filed.

Initiate engine start procedure.
2 alight and stable.

Hydraulics and computers normal. No anomalies.
Control surfaces, electric trim: check.
Set flaps 3 for takeoff.

“Westchester Airport ATIS information Papa, 2234Z, wind 170 at 11, visibility 9, sky clear below 12,000. Temperature 22, dewpoint 15, altimeter 30.31. ILS and visual runway 16 in use. Landing and departing runway 16. Notices to airmen: runway 16 touchdown zone lights out of service. ILS Runway 16 CAT II not authorized. Advisory: all VFR aircraft contact clearance delivery prior to taxi. Advise on initial contact, you have information Papa.”

“Westchester ground, Rarity 5, information P, ready to taxi.”

“Rarity 5, Westchester ground. Runway 16, taxi via… M K L.”

“M K L, runway 16, Rarity 5.”

Taxiing out, I do an audible departure brief and taxi checklist, since Rarity is sitting in the first class cabin. Then it hit me: this is my first time heading to Europe since before Melody was born. In that timeframe, I’ve been to the UAE, Japan, Kenya, St. Maarten, Australia and New Zealand, plus Canada and Mexico.

“Rarity 5, will you be ready for takeoff upon reaching runway 16?”

“Affirm.”

“Rarity 5, roger, monitor tower 118.57.”

“Monitor 18.57, Rarity 5.”

I tune the tower and slow down slightly to be able to take the final turn before the runway.

“Rarity 5, Westchester tower, runway 16, line up and wait.”

“Line up and wait 16, Rarity 5.” And with that, I do the before takeoff and runway items in a combined flow before taking the runway.

“Rarity 5, runway 16, cleared for takeoff, remain clear of New York Class B airspace.”

“Cleared for takeoff 16, clear of the Class Bravo, Rarity 5.”

Brakes on, spool up. Short field takeoff.
Power set, gauges in the green.
Brakes off, rolling.

80 knots.

V1

Rotate.

V2

Positive rate, gear up. Immediate left turn to heading 360 per CPDLC. Stay below 3,000 to remain clear of New York Class B.

“Rarity 5, contact New York departure, tally ho!” Flaps up.

“Over to departure, au revoir, Rarity 5.” “New York departure, Rarity 5 off Westchester, 2,000 climbing 8,000.”

“Rarity 5, New York departure, radar contact 3 miles NE Westchester airport. Climb and maintain 15,000.”

“Position checks, Climb to 15,000, Rarity 5.”

[“Rarity 5, proceed direct, St. Anthony.”

“Yay, Rarity 5.”](https://www.google.com/search?q=st+anthony+canada+YAY&client=safari&hl=en-gb&prmd=tinv&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjVnp7uqozlAhVEip4KHasWCzAQ_AUIFygC&biw=1024&bih=1296&dpr=2#imgrc=AxLonw-BDD7pMM)

Receiving that clearance 3 hours into our flight, I settle in nicely and check on Rarity, who has been fast asleep since takeoff. Good on her, since she can acclimate. It was close to midnight when we left.

Once in touch with Shanwick, the controller for the North Atlantic (as Oakland is for the Pacific), I have a coffee and relax as best I can admiring the clear, full-moonlit night glistening over the Atlantic. Oh how serene.

In the distance, where London is calling and Paris is waiting for us, I sip away at another cup of coffee, since Rarity laid claim to all the tea. At least she doesn’t live in Boston.

“Rarity 5, descend and maintain FL250.”

“Down to 250, Rarity 5.”

As I adjust the FMS for the descent, I move my checklists and books around, getting out my charts and whatnot for the arrival.

“Good morning, darling!” Rarity calls unusually chipper from behind my shoulder.

“Hi Rarity. We’re beginning our descent into London now. Make your decision to sit here with me or back in the passenger cabin within the next 10 minutes. Once that seat belt sign comes on, you’re staying there until we park.”

“Darling, I already know where I’m going to sit. I want to record the landing.”

“Is the lighting gonna be good enough? We’re expected at 6:30. If I remember, that’s right around sunrise, plus or minus a half hour.”

“Does the internet work?”

“Yes, but not for long.”

“You might want to subtract that half hour.” Rarity says a few minutes later. “Sunrise today is 6:10.”

“Shit. I might be landing when the sun is in my face.”

“Rarity 5, turn right heading 150, vectors to VASUX for the VASUX 1G arrival.”

“150, VASUX 1G, Rarity 5.” “Ok, let’s brief the arrival procedure. Rarity, can you hold this please?” I ask handing her my coffee cups.

“Okay, VASUX 1G (VASU1G) arrival into London Gatwick. This is an RNAV 1 arrival, requiring dual DME Receivers or GNSS, of which we are equipped with the latter. Currently on radar vectors, but we can expect a direct clearance. From VASUX, track 040° to DISVO, then track 051° to TELTU, cross at FL130 (13,000) at or below 250 knots. From TELTU, track 080° to HOLLY, cross at or below 220 knots, then expect clearance to WILLO, cross at FL070 (7,000) at or below 220 knots. Those altitudes are for planning purposes, as the actual descent clearance will be as directed by ATC. Our altimeter will be set based on the hPa scale, standby for transition altitude, which will be given by ATC. Arrival brief complete.”

“Rarity 5, descend and maintain FL150.”

“Down to 150, Rarity 5.”

“Darling, why were you telling me all that?”

“Just standard procedure, ma’am.” I say with a definite accent.

The shocked expression on her face when I look over at her says it all.

“Did I say something offensive?”

“No, no. Not at all.” She says blushing.

As we pass the flight levels, I hit the wall. Breaths are now exhaustive (haha) efforts as if I’m trying to breathe at altitude.

“Rarity, how you holding up?”

But Rarity is asleep. Oh well, we’re not that high. Just in case.

“Dublin Center, Rarity 5. Request lower altitude.”

“Rarity 5, Dublin, descend and maintain FL100.”

“10,000, Rarity 5.”

“And Rarity 5, did you have a pressurization failure?”

“…Negative, Rarity 5. Just for the sake of a continuous descent.”

“Rarity 5, Roger.”

At 10,000, speed below 250, landing, pulse, taxi lights on. Seatbelt sign on.

“Ladies & gentlemen, as we begin our final descent into London Gatwick, please return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts securely. Return your chair backs and tray tables to their full upright and locked position. Please also at this time lower all aisle armrests, open all windows, and stow all loose articles for landing, thank you.”

“Alright, Max. I think I’m going to head back.”

“Do you still want to film the landing?”

“Of course.”

“Wait, from the cockpit or from the cabin?”

“Darling, can’t we do both?”

“I think I put in a few GoPro mounts around the cockpit. If you want a wing shot, I find the last row works best, or the rows right behind the third emergency exits.”

“Okay.”

“Plus, you’ll have plenty of opportunities for each type of shot. After Gatwick, we’re gonna land in Le Bourget, then in Shannon so we can get US Pre-Clearance.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Plus, Shannon is like the last airport before open ocean, so it’s a convenient fuel stop. BA’s A318 flights use it.”

“Okay… I guess I’ll…”

“Rarity 5, proceed direct VASUX, maintain 250 knots.”

“Direct VASUX, 250 knots, Rarity 5.”

“I’ll just record the landing from the cabin. It’ll be a nice piece for my travel blog.”

“You run a blog?”

“Well, it’s a vlog actually. “Street Chic.””

“And you discuss fashion and… other things?” I ask at half my normal speed.

“The show that keeps you ahead of the curve, so you’ll be the first girl on your block with the most glittering and glamorous frocks in fashion!”

“Is that your opening line?”

“Why yes. Yes it is. I don’t do much of it now that I have three boutiques to run and keep track of, and I did bring in a relatively small audience for my stores.”

“That’s… nice.” I sigh out as I keep focused on flying.

“Darling, are you okay? You seem a little… out of it.”

“I’m fine. My body’s on roughly midnight anyway. I still have a couple hours left in me.”

“Okay then. I’ll talk to you on the ground. I’ll be waiting for you.” She says in a sultry voice as she leaves, gently stroking the circuit breaker panel on her way out.

*MASTER CAUTION*

“Oh crap. What happened?”

*Cabin Pres Fail*

“Is ΔP still in the green?”

Checking the cabin pressure system, the FLT ALT and Landing Field Elevation are normal, but ΔP is steadily climbing.

“10,000. Why would it be climbing?”

Then it tapers off. Sure enough, it starts to come back down, at a slightly faster rate than it was climbing.

“Rarity 5, descend via the VASUX 1G arrival. Cross HOLLY at FL070, expect clearance to WILLO at HOLLY.”

“VASUX 1G, HOLLY at 7, Rarity 5. Request… FL080.”

“Rarity 5, approved as requested.”

“Rarity 5, thanks.” And with that, I set the altitude bug to 8,000.

“Rarity 5, crossing HOLLY, cleared visual approach runway 8R. Contact Gatwick tower on 124.225 at HOLLY.”

“Cleared visual 8R, tower at HOLLY, Rarity 5.”

I have a few miles before HOLLY so I configure. Approach speeds: approach speed will be 140 knots on the approach, but we’ll stay at 180 for now. Flaps: set to 1. We’ll be landing just outside of noise abatement critical time, but we’ll still try to keep our reverse thrust to a minimum. Nose-wheel steering and anti-skid: on. Auto-brakes, set to medium. Doing a visual approach, maintain at least VFR conditions and in a continuous position to land using normal maneuvers or have the runway and/or environment in sight at all times.” “Gatwick tower, Rarity 5, at HOLLY, visual 8R.”

“Rarity 5, Gatwick tower. Wind variable at 4, altimeter 1007.1. There’s nobody in the queue. Which runway would you like?”

“1007.1, we’ll stick with 8R, Rarity 5.”

“Rarity 5, roger. Runway 8R, cleared to land. Traffic Boeing 747, correction 777 lined up and waiting runway 26L.”

“Cleared to land 8R, Rarity 5.” Flaps 2.

Runway in sight. Lower landing gear.

Speed 150. Flaps 3.

Flaps full. 1,000.

500.

200.

100.

50.

40.

30.

20.

10.

Touchdown. Spoilers up, brakes on. 2 in reverse. Minimum use of reverse thrust for noise abatement.

“Rarity 5, left CR, cross runway 26R, left J, then contact ground 121.8 for spot assignment.”

“CR, cross 26R, J, ground .8, Rarity 5.” “Gatwick ground, Rarity 5, taxi to parking.”

“Rarity 5, Gatwick ground. Are you familiar with the Uniform Ramp?”

“Affirm, Rarity 5.”

“Rarity 5, roger. Taxi to spot 232 via J T.”

“J T, spot 232, Rarity 5.”

After we park, Border Force arrive in two utility vehicles.

“Good morning, sir.” One of them greets upon the two of us disembarking.

“Good morning.” I reply in my half-asleep stupor.

“How was the flight?”

“Not too bad. Just a cell or two around Bermuda.”

“Where are you arriving from?”

“New York. Well, just outside of. Westchester, White Plains.”

“No worries. Passports/visas, please. And do you have anything to declare?”

“I’m carrying $1,500 US, and we have a car registered in the US that we will be driving.”

“Okay. The declaration amount is actually 10,000, so that’s fine. If you have a car, then we will need to inspect that for contraband.”

“Ma’am, do you have anything to declare?” Another officer then asks beginning the process with Rarity.

“Okay. That’s fine. Can you bring out your car please?“

“No problem. There are a few e-cigarettes inside, just so you’re aware. Our own baggage is also inside the car.”

“Thank you.”

I then back out Rarity’s Rolls Royce and open all the doors and boot.

“May I?” Rarity’s officer asks pointing to our bags.

“Please do.”

“Anything sharp or fragile in either bag?”

“There is a small bottle of perfume in mine.” Rarity says.

“Okay. For security reasons, I cannot allow you to touch anything as I examine your bag.”

“Sir?”

“Nothing sharp or fragile.”

“Okay. For security reasons, only I am allowed to touch your things.”

Nodding in agreement, I watch as my own bag is inspected.

“How long are you two staying?”

“A few days here, then we’ll head to France for a few days before heading home.”

“Alright. This bag is good. Let me take a look at the car, and then I can stamp your passport.”

As my officer digs into the boot and inspecting the carpets and upholstery thoroughly, Rarity’s officer joins in after finishing up with her bag. In about 2 minutes, we get our passports stamped, border force radio ahead to Signature Flight Support, and after welcoming us in, they leave while we wait for a vehicle to escort us out of Gatwick.

When their vehicle arrives, I have Rarity start the car while I talk to the driver.

“Top of the morning, sir.”

“And the rest to you, sir.

“You brought your own car?”

“I did. Request of my mate right here.”

“Oh yea? Well done.”

“When I return, will you just escort me back here?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. Saves us the time to get ramp passes.”

“Right. You ready to go?”

“Yes. Just wanted to ask about ramp passes.”

“Alright. Just follow us to the terminal, we’ll get you checked in, and you’ll be good.”

“We’ll follow you over.”

At the terminal, we check in, I get a tentative invoice, and after we get buzzed through the gate, Rarity squeals in delight as I join the main road, almost thrown off by driving a LHD vehicle in Britain. I kind of like it.

Author's Note

ΔP is the differential between the aircraft’s cabin altitude and the outside air pressure at a given altitude. If it gets too great, the cabin could decompress or over stress the airframe.

Jet-Puffed Marshmallow

When we reach my flat, I open the garage and park. Inside is a road-legal McLaren P1 GTR. Normally, this is a track car that is built for racing, but I got the conversion, because that’s simply too good an opportunity to pass up (since there’s little chance it could pass in the US).

After unpacking, I get directions to Drayton Manor and some area coffee shops along the way.

“Okay. You ready Rarity? Drayton Manor is the farthest away, so we’ll do that now.”

“Darling, you just flew across an ocean overnight. Don’t you feel tired?”

“No. I will be by later today though, so let’s cross my thing to do off the list.”

“Okay.” She hastily agrees.

Soon, we get onto the M40, bypassing the M1’s roadworks and traditionally horrific traffic to get to the permanent home of some original models of Thomas The Tank Engine. I know that the park is for little ones, so seeing Rarity and I there would definitely seem out of place, but if I play my cards right, I’ll be in Birmingham for less time than we spent actually driving up to Birmingham.

Setting a gentle 70 mph, the normal motorway speed limit, I admire the scenery of extra-urban London, and specifically, the road signs. Not quite the same as America, but they’re still nice in their own special way.

One hour passes, and somewhere between Bicester and Banbury, I get a slight craving for coffee. Rarity and I then decide to find a tea shop where we can relax and take a breath, now that we’re officially in England.

Eventually, we find a nearby Garden center, where we have some hot drinks despite the quickly warming temps outside. Rarity being your typical mid-Atlantic temperamental suggests said hot drinks, to which I agree.

I don’t want to ask her about her feelings yet, but I have a feeling that it’ll be a long trip. Even so, I do find it flattering that someone like Rarity does have a crush on me. She is very pretty, and in many ways we are very much alike. The most obvious match is that where she is all about fashion, I am all about airplanes. We both have very similar interests and share a lot of common bonds, as I do with everyone else in her herd, but what makes the relationship between Rarity and I special I would argue is our freely giving spirits. If fighting over the bill for a steak dinner was any indicator, coupled to the dynamic that Rarity and I have, being the mutual connection between her friends and I, then I guess there being a special connection shouldn’t be all that surprising.

As we sip our drinks and admire the beautiful summer day in store for us, I use the bathroom as the flight wasn’t too kind to me in that department, even with as much coffee as I’ve gone through thus far.

Soon, we continue the journey to Birmingham, where arriving off-peak from morning rush serves us nicely, except close to the city center, where it’s gonna be busy no matter the time of day. Parking is no issue except for our distance to ticketing, but I need the walk, to get some circulation, and because I have a headache. Probably some caffeine withdrawal I guess.

When we head in, I take my time, which Rarity seems to notice.

“Darling, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes Rarity. I’m sure.” Following that however are a couple of disgustingly wet coughs. Spitting in a planter reveals a sputum with copious amounts of white mucus.

Rarity, completely grossed out, keeps her distance. To that I say to myself, “be glad you’re over there. If I am or getting sick, it’s gonna be a long trip.”

When I catch up to her, she sprays her perfume in my area, saying, “Ugh. You need a mouth cleaning.”

“K cool. Thanks.” I respond with slight agitation.

“Are you sick?”

“No. Just stuffy from sitting in the plane for so long.”

“Uh huh. I’m no doctor, but you need to sleep.”

“Oh relax. I’ve done plenty of all-nighters before. The danger will be if I don’t sleep tonight.”

“If you say so…” She responds with a grain of salt.

When we reach Thomas Land, I smile with joy as I take in the mini Island of Sodor. The rides are of course perfect for toddlers and most youth below 10 years, so I head straight for the exhibit.

Even though the place is geared towards toddlers and young’uns, I take a beautiful trip down memory lane. This was my childhood. This series gave me so much, and while only a few of the engines are here, I knew that it was going to be much smaller than I thought, seeing as how they shot the show with model trains for crying out loud. Of course, I’m quite elated to know that at least one of the models is still operative, as when I walk in, Thomas is pulling two green express coaches. Annie and Clarabel unfortunately are nowhere to be found, but Edward is pulling the breakdown train.

Now, I make no efforts to hide my soft side, and here especially is no exception. Completely overcome with nostalgia and probably also from being exhausted, I shed more than a few tears of joy, not dissimilar to having a crying fit when meeting a favorite celebrity or idol. Call me a fool, but when you had the childhood I did, you can’t shed just one tear.

Rarity, seeing this, smiles from a distance, the occasional look back at her showing a “this is all you” look. This is my Pooh Corner as it were, more or less. I’ve been waiting quite a while to do this, so I guess it was worth the hype, though I may be enjoying it too much because I’m so tired, I have the emotional fortitude of a child who is in Thomas’ target demographic.

After about 25 minutes, I bid a silent but satisfactory farewell to the exhibit, opting for the car so we can get back to London before traffic.

“Thank you Rarity,” I say as I wipe tears from my eyes. “My childhood is now complete.”

“Oh darling, of course! I’m glad you found something that made you happy.” She says blushing.

“You want to get some more coffee or tea?”

“Let’s make a decision closer to London. You want to beat traffic, right?”

“I do, but I timed this departure so we can have a little room to play with.”

“Let’s just head that way and we’ll see.”

“Alrighty.” I say as we make our way out of the park.

Once on the motorway, I settle in and notice that I now have to make more conscious efforts to breathe. More than on the plane. My nose isn’t clogged, and I’m not getting, or at least I don’t feel like I’m getting sick. Nevertheless, I make a mental note to try and get some sleep tonight.

What a time for the coffee to kick in, now that I’m off the high from Thomas. Taking sharp, deep breaths as we pass Bicester, Rarity looks over at me as I shake my head to clear some mental fog.

“Max, do you need to pull off and rest?”

“No, no. We’re only an hour away. Stopping would be pointless.”

“I know you don’t like to admit it, but I seriously think you should go straight to sleep once we get home.”

“And miss the opportunity of a lifetime to show you around London? No way!”

“Last Night at The Proms isn’t for another two days. We don’t have to do everything today.”

“But there’s so much to see and do. Let’s map it out when we get home. Gives me a chance to actually stretch out in a house. Can’t venture on adventures if I’m taking a nap. Plus, I always handle directions.”

“Okay then, darling.”

Soon, we arrive home facing quite a few red lights in the city. After I have some water for a change and use the bathroom again, we map out our afternoon for the city. With Savile Row and the Royal palaces atop our list, we make our way out and into Londinium.

In the few blocks to Savile Row, I take deep breaths again to alleviate some chest pains, probably from breathing so shallowly otherwise. Despite this, I still manage to keep pace with an extremely excited Rarity.

Though Savile Row is known for bespoke men’s clothing, Rarity is in her heaven, especially when she sees the women’s clothing stores that now take residence in this fashion district. In a similar state of bliss as me at Drayton Manor, I role reverse and let her have her moment to take in being in the place that inspired her quite a lot as a dressmaker. We don’t spend quite as much time here as I would’ve expected, but maybe she draws inspiration from other sources besides the fashion district. Of course, we still have Paris to visit, so.

When we reach the palace, royal guards are standing guard, so Rarity takes a picture with one. Obligatorily, I act as the photographer, since this is all her. Taking in views of the Palace and the Abbey, I take plenty of pictures of Rarity for her as we make our way to Elizabeth Tower, home of Big Ben.

From here, we have a choice. Do we head to Buckingham Palace, which is longer, but allows for a scenic walk, or head for Trafalgar Square? The answer is staring me straight in the face.

“Come on!” Rarity says taking my hand excitedly. “Let’s go see if we can spot royalty!”

Chuckling, I try to keep up with her. Now, I’m not on any hills, but it really does feel like a pill. Why does the way ahead feel so steep?

At Buckingham Palace, I take Rarity’s picture with the castle in the background, trying oh so hard to get it just right. After a handful of photos, she decides to go for some glamour shots, looking pretty in some rather seductive poses, even for being in front of Buckingham Palace.

Before we make too much of a scene, we leave and walk up to Trafalgar Square, where we find a seat on the East Square fountain.

My breathing is accompanied by the sound of mucus clogging my airways, and coughing to clear them isn’t helping. In fact, it’s making it worse.

“Max dear, I think you’re getting sick. That doesn’t sound good.”

“That’s the thing. I’m not sickly. I’m not in a bad way. I’m just tired.”

“That’s the first step, darling.”

“I’ll be fine.”

After I recover some energy, we head for Piccadilly Circus. I’m here only to take a picture of the iconic advert boards, but Rarity does a bit of taking in the crowd.

“Oh, how I’ve longed to return.” She says as I suppress coughs.

Smiling at her in such a blissful state, I get my pictures and comb through them to find the best one. Eventually, we find our way to a gift shop, where I find a couple of good gag gifts for Rosalina and others. Rarity finds other little knickknacks and tchotchkes that her friends would appreciate, one for each of them.

“Save some money for France too.”

“Of course darling! I have allotted a few hundred for this vacation.”

“Holiday.”

“What?”

“You’re not on vacation. You’re on holiday.”

Completely unamused by my sardonic quip, Rarity only replies, “twat.”

“Thank you.”

A time check reveals plenty of time for attractions on the east side of the city. Tower of London and Tower Bridge along with The Globe Theatre and the Royal Observatory if time allows.

Since I need a good walk, I suggest we walk to Tower Bridge so we can walk along the Thames. Hastily agreeing, we trek on. We have things to see and places to go.

As I watch boaters, rowing clubs, and police patrols, I almost envy them for having something to sit on and take them places, but I promised myself a walk.

When we reach our approximate halfway point, I scratch an itch but find my skin indented, and swollen. Now it’s obvious that the trip over here didn’t come with a price.

“Great.” I whisper to myself.

When we reach Tower Bridge, keeping my eyes open is now a task. Rarity asks for pictures here and of London Bridge from Tower Bridge. Fighting every single urge not to fall asleep, I oblige Rarity with her pictures and a selfie over the Thames. My heart rate is going up, and my whole body is starting to tingle. Now sleep deprivation is starting to catch up.

By the time we decide to head back, Rarity has grown tired, so she hails a black cab and tells the driver, “Savile Row.”

As soon as I sit down and belt up, I ask if she has cash on her.

“No worries, mate. I take credit cards.” The driver responds.

“Alrighty.”

Rarity then takes her shoes off and rubs her feet, whispering little nothings like “curse me for bringing these” and “I probably should’ve brought something more comfortable.”

Too tired to pick up on anything else, I spend the whole ride back to the house fighting sleep. If I fall asleep now, my circadian will be thrown off big time.

When we get dropped off, I take care of the fare and head for a Nando’s, just for giggles and grins. Rarity opts for something a little less… messy, finding an Italian restaurant that does to-go.

When we return home, we sit down and enjoy our meal, though I fight the urge to start talking, because I don’t like being that guy.

Eventually, I finish my chicken, but since I got more food than she did, Rarity waits for me to finish before she asks me questions.

“Max,” she asks reaching her hand out.

I immediately retract, since my hands are messy, so I apologize but tell her to keep talking as I get up to wash them.

“I… when you first get your feelings for a woman, how do you cope?”

“Sometimes, I jump straight to what would happen if I was honest with her upfront. From there, I throttle it back and see how much time it takes for us to get comfortable enough to tell when the right time is. Almost all the time however, usually I act out and act as unattractive as possible to try and quash the feelings before they become invasive. Rosalina would be able to tell you what I mean. I had it real bad with her. Long story short, I work hard to try and dissuade any further efforts by telling myself that it’s just a crush. It’ll go away on its own.”

“What happens if there’s mutual interest?”

“I’ll want to talk about it almost immediately. Unless I’m more interested, then I’ll revert back to “it’s just a crush.”

“So you’ll never make the first move.”

“Not necessarily. If I think there’s even the slightest chance, I’ll ask, but only after a very long period of convincing myself there. Assumption of crush is my default.”

“Why would you ever do that to yourself?”

“Because it keeps me from going too crazy. It’s how I keep myself grounded.”

“No wonder you’re such a pessimist.”

“You’ve seen how quickly and easily carried away I can get. Keeps me from doing stupid things. Besides, why are you asking me this? That doesn’t seem like you.”

“I’m just curious, since you seem to be such a fan of romantic neutrality. I figure it’ll be worth it to get to know the man behind the controls, you know. You’re human too.”

“That sounds like a fancy roundabout way to say I’m asexual/aromantic.”

“Except that that isn’t the case for the latter.”

“In any case,” I shrug, “I’m happy to be the straight man, or rather, the neutral party. I hope you know that despite this role I’ve been given in the group, the fact that you all welcomed me with open arms means more than you would ever realize. Even though I’ve formed special connections with each of you in such a relatively short timespan, I’m glad you’re all there for me.”

“Well, how would you like to form a connection a little more… tangible?”

My face drops. “You don’t mean.”

“Come on, darling. Have I not made it obvious?”

“The invitation?”

She nods.

“The abnormal flirtatiousness?”

Another nod, followed by a raising of the eyebrow.

“The over-the-top mothering since we landed at Gatwick?”

To make this a trifecta, a third shy nod and other eyebrow now raise as she blushes.

I approach her from the kitchen and ask, “is this for real or…”

But I am rendered unable to speak as another mucus clog shows up in my breath. This close to coughing in her face, I fling myself back towards the kitchen sink, prepared to hock another loogie if necessary.

As I continue coughing, I break a sweat trying really hard to force a cough out, but it seems like my efforts are fruitless.

“Rar…” I attempt to, ahem, spit, out, but now the act of sending air through my lungs produces a frothy boil, as if I was trying to speak whilst being choked on my own phlegm.

“Ra… R…” I say gesturing for her to come over.

Reluctantly she does as I muster up some more energy to hock a loogie I can feel right at the back of my throat. As she slowly approaches me, I open the faucet tap and use the last of my exhausted diaphragm to spit. What hits the running water is disheartening. A slew of bloody sputum gets washed down the drain as I wipe sweat from my brow and take one last deep but really hoarse breath, just able to slur out,

“Rarity, catch me.”

Becoming Popular

As I do the preflight walk around, I notice a single circuit breaker popped open.

“What the…?”

The designation for the popped breaker? “CAB PRES”.

“Well, looks like we found the cause of my edema.” I say checking the other circuit breakers to see if anything else is out. No others, so at least it’s an isolated problem.

Rarity climbs aboard and finds me feeling up the board.

“Well Rarity,” I begin as I stand up from checking the board, “I think I got an answer for my edema.”

“What do you mean?”

“Remember during the descent how there was a notable change in air density?”

“I don’t recall, I may have been asleep.”

“Well, our cabin pressurization system failed at altitude, and by the looks of it, this one got me real good. Did you happen to notice anything strange right around the time you left the cockpit before I turned the seat belt sign on?”

“No. I don’t think so.” She says somewhat nervously. “Though there is a very small chance I may have… pulled it out while I was trying to get you to… notice me.”

“Well, in any case, on the extreme off-chance you accidentally pulled it out, it’s fine. I’m fine. There’s no way to tell. All we have to do is reset it and test everything. Then we can get going. Cockpit or cabin?”

“I’ll record my wing landing on this leg.”

“Alrighty.”

A short hourlong hop to Paris–Le Bourget places our arrival and customs procedures at 3 am in the morning. After we clear in to France, I brush up on my French, fire up the Rolls, and make for my much smaller but compensatorily more European house within 10 km of Disneyland Paris.

Next morning, we both wake up rather late due to the late night we had coming from London, but it all works out nicely, as after fueling up in Vincennes, a disastrous accident involving three cars clogs the highway we’re on. Two motorcycles are also on their kickstands, with at least one of the drivers talking to one of the assumed drivers. Must be a witness.

Soon, we meet the Seine and reach Paris proper, where I immediately start a driving tour. After jumping off the highway, I drive through Place de la Bastille then catch Rue Saint Antoine heading westbound.

Passing the Louvre, Notre Dame and Places Vendome et de la Concorde, I head for Point de l’Alma and Flamme de la Liberté, memorializing Princess Diana right outside the tunnel where she was tragically killed. Fun fact, the gold leaf flame is a replica of the torch that the Statue of Liberty bears. Makes sense, since lady liberty was also a gift from les Français.

Even for a Saturday, there is an unusually low amount of city traffic. Without putting my foot down, and able to point out almost all the attractions we pass, I defer le Tour and continue on to Moulin Rouge and Sacré-Cœur Basilica.

Pulling over right by the steps up to the Paris Sacred Heart, I explain that one of my greatest memories in Paris is climbing the steps of both Sacred Heart and the Eiffel Tower.

As Rarity stops to take pictures, I ask if she got good pictures elsewhere, but she says she’s “saving up” for the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe, and Notre Dame, plus Normandy and Dunkirk if possible.

After she says she’s ready, I head for Parc de Champ du Mars. The route we’re taking will be an adventure. We’re going to drive round the Arc de Triomphe.

When I jump in, a large throng of about 8 cars wide swallows us in. Trying to stay in the outer rim, I keep calm and collected until a random Peugeot comes in and blocks us in and then after catching up, refuses to change their speed, effectively blocking us from taking an exit.

“Sors de la route, crétin!” (Get out of the way, jackass!”)

With just enough space, I lightly pump the brakes and throw the wheel, almost in the style of a heel-toe shift racing driver (even in an bipedal car) to catch our exit to park in front of Trocadéro, allowing Rarity the perfect pictures and selfies within a view of Eiffel and the surrounding park.

When we finish, I ask if she wants to make the drive out to either Dunkirk or Normandy by asking her this question.

“Do you want to Save Private Ryan or tread where Harry Styles tread?”

“Darling, can’t we do both?”

“Why not? I have money for petrol, we have all day to explore. Where to first?”

“How about we go in War order?”

“So, Dunkirk first?”

“Sure.”

“Ok then.” I say as I set course for Dynamo Beach/Harbor.

The fastest route is not the shortest, as we get routed through Lille, which is good for us, because we find a small patisserie to grab a small snack before we sombre up.

3 hours outside of Paris, I park at the Memorial Museum, where we enter and explore the exhibits. Having been moved to tears at the film, I take my time here, especially because Normandy did and will invoke similar emotions.

Eventually, we leave Dunkirk and even drive through Calais jumping ahead to Omaha Beach. We may not get to enjoy much daylight at the rate we left Paris, but hopefully we’ll catch a spectacular sunset.

On the French highway, I occasionally monitor Rarity in the back seat, reclined and dozing off as your typical Rolls Royce passenger does. To that I smile and pick up the pace, wary of French police on a Saturday patrol.

When we roll in ever so poshly (if that) to the parking lot for the Cimetière Américain, there aren’t many here, to my surprise, though the memorial is closing soon, so I guess we can explore in the limited amount of time left.

I catch my sunset and start to tear up. When I was in high school, amidst biting cold and vicious, stinging, icy wind, I played The Star Spangled Banner, America the Beautiful, On A Hymnsong of Philip Bliss (It Is Well With My Soul), and Abide With Me with my concert band, playing towards the beach. It’s pretty difficult playing outdoors in inclement weather, into an ice-cold instrument. Wasn’t optimal, but I was still overtaken with emotion at that performance. It’s no different today, though it is much warmer and I am no longer with my clarinet.

After I clean my photos up digitally before snapping a few more, I wait until the actual ball of sun disappears below the horizon before we leave the parking lot. It wasn’t a long visit, but coming up here nonetheless was still enough to leave me moved as I was when I was here last.

In preparation for a long 3 1/2 hour drive back to Paris, I head for the first petrol station on the route and pick up some water. Like most of my life, I’ve spent more time on my arse than feet, so I guess we’ll have to make up for it as we continue exploring.

Next morning, we head straight for Le Tour de Eiffel so we can climb up to the top. A nice day to venture out into town in comfortable clothing is only thrown off by the expected Sunday crowds.

Nevertheless, I barely manage to squeeze into a parking spot a few blocks from the tower and find the means of payment. Anticipating no more than a couple hours, I pay for two and set a timer.

As we make our way to ticketing, Rarity insistently covers for us and sends me to queue instead. In line, I steal a kiss.

“What was that for?”

“City of Love, right? And because this is my first time here in a long time.“

“Well, I’m glad I could be your reason to come back.” She says clutching the arm she grabs.

By my request, we ascend from the base to the first floor via stairs. Last time I took the stairs, I got nervous, but I was also much more acrophobic then. This time, I’m being a proper tourist and quashing those fears by reading all the informational boards after each flight of stairs.

When we reach the second floor, I get nervous again, since the stairs here are narrow, consistent with the tower’s design. Of course, the large passenger lifts for those that don’t want to climb the flights of stairs beat us up almost threefold, but with Rarity by my side, I swallow my fear and continue the ascent with my hand in hers, excitedly ascending the tower like there’s something blissful waiting for us at the top. I mean, there is, but there’re also crowds to fight.

After the second floor, the stairs end, so we all have to queue for a lift to the very top. It’s a crowded one too, for the crowd sizes. Nevertheless, I force myself to suck in and bunch Rarity with me, and just to quell my own nerves of the open air view, I hug Rarity from behind and whisper “sorry, I’m slightly acrophobic” into her ear.

“I’ve never enjoyed you more.”

When we reach the top, I drop a few Euros into a tip box for the lift operator and step out into the beautiful summertime view of Paris. I get pictures of all four sides and wiggle my way through couples doing sunlit kisses on the east side.

Obliging Rarity on all four sides sans a kissing selfie, we spend quite a bit of time up here to soak in the views, though there are quite a few things we still have to do in Paris. With plenty of time and lots of energy, we depart Le Tour de Eiffel and head for the Louvre, where I can find a parking space in their garage.

When I slide in to a parking spot at Louvre garage, Rarity finagles her way out due to the suicide door and a tight fit next to the others around us.

Once again, Rarity covers the tickets, and once through security, we visit the Mona Lisa (too Roman), Venus de Milo (too Greco), the Code of Hammurabi (too Babylon), and of course, the glass pyramids (too Franco).

When we leave the Louvre, we walk to Place de la Concorde to begin our walk down Champs Elysées. That way, if she sees something she wants, we can purchase it and/or hold it while we go up the Arc de Triomphe.

As we’re traversing Champs Elysées westbound first, our eastbound return should cover both sides.

As we walk down the Avenue, Rarity pulls off the high society walk beautifully, which makes me chuckle. Rarity being Rarity and watching her let her inner little girl loose is entertainingly beautiful. I said it with Twilight too. It’s rare to see someone so excited about the things that influenced them and shaped them as a child and now as an adult, doing them well, reflected in the successes and accomplishments in each of their careers. It’s an amazing thing.

When we reach the Arc, we pause at the tomb of the unknown soldier before beginning our journey to the top. Sure, the 284 stairs here are nothing compared to the 674 of Eiffel, but even so, when we get to the top, the view is still pretty. I remember these views better than Eiffel in fact, mostly because we’re closer to the rooftops, the sides of the Arc aren't covered by fences or grates, and Champs Elysées is both an obvious presence (by the distinctly trimmed trees) and a good indicator of our orientation.

Spending more time in the climb up than atop, we continue. Downstairs to avoid some crowds and to get back to the Louvre via Champs Elysées’ other side.

Passing a few of the shops that pique my interest, specifically Mercedes-Benz, we stroll down, but to my surprise, Rarity doesn’t stop to even look at anything in any of the displays. In fact, I stop her to ask why.

“Darling, I’m here to get inspired, not go on a shopping spree. Besides, just being here with you and taking in both Britain and France is enough to get me filled with plenty of ideas for my next spring line!”

“Glad I could be of help.”

Soon, we return to the Louvre, and after taking a meal break, we head for Notre Dame so I can see the place again. As usual, many a prayer candle adorn the prayer altar, and many are also in prayer here. I respectfully wander the hallways to see their artifacts. I know some of them were removed and protected in the wake of some past events, but it’s amazing to see them out again.

When I see a parishioner enter the confession booth, I wait for Rarity to finish her own walk. Getting pictures of the stained glass windows and the ceiling is about everything we want to see.

As the hottest time of the day approaches, we grab a snack from a local patisserie before we venture back to the car. After firing up and navigating our way out of the Louvre, we jump on the highway to head back home. Eager to avoid traffic, I put my foot down to try and get home before sundown.

When we pull into my driveway, I notice a stereotypical suspicious cargo van parked across the street. The hood is open, so at least if there is a problem, they can’t go anywhere.

I follow Rarity in and have a drink of water before turning on the TV. A few minutes into one of my shows, a knock comes at the door.

In case of emergency, I have a tool of self-defense handy, ready in case of evasive maneuvers as I check the peephole. A woman smiles unusually brightly as I open the door.

« Bonjour, pouvez-vous m’aider? Ma voiture est morte. » (Hi, can you help me? My car is dead.)

« La batterie ou court d’essence? » (Battery or out of gas/petrol?)

« [Je] Ne sais pas. » (Don’t know.)

« Parlez-vous d’autres langues? » (Do you speak other languages?)

« Une autre langue serait plus facile? » “Ξερεις να μιλας ελληνικα?” (Would another language be easier? Do you speak Greek?)

“[Je] Ne parle pas grec.” (I don’t speak Greek.)

“Italiano?”

“Un poco, ma non molto bene.” (A little, but not very well.)

“Wait a minute,” she says in English, “you’re not a Frenchman.”

“Non?” I respond in French.

“No, you’re an American.”

“Is it that obvious?” I say as I step outside and close the door behind me.

“It’s subtler than it actually is. And the way you speak French.”

“Alright. I’ll give you that. Do your companions speak English?”

“We do.” One of them replies as we get to the van.

“Is it turning over or just a click?”

“A series of rapid clicks.”

“Okay. Let me take a look at your engine bay.”

“What are you looking for?” The woman who knocked on the door asks.

“The starter, and to see if the battery is corroded.”

“The starter’s right underneath the flywheel.” A third woman says to me.

“Yeah. Is it new?” I say as I stick my head down to make sure it is the starter.

“We haven’t done anything to this thing since we got it, other than touch it up inside. All the homely touches we need.”

“Okay.” I respond removing my head from the engine bay. “Go ahead and crank it.”

One click and nothing more is all I need.

“Okay, go ahead and release it.”

All three then come to see me at the bonnet.

“Well,” I say as I prop myself up against the grill. “Your battery’s corroded, so it’s grounding into the corrosion. The first thing we can try is cleaning it out with Coca, if that trick does work. Otherwise, we’ll have to get a new battery.”

“Can you do that?”

“I’ve seen it work before. So, are any of you thirsty? I can buy some Coca, and whatever isn’t used to clean your battery, can be drunk.”

“For realzies?”

“Eeyup. Who wants to go with me?”

“I’ll go!”

“I guess I’ll go too.”

“Uh. Fine. I’ll go. It’s not like anyone can steal the thing.”

“Alrighty then. I’ll be right back.”

When I reenter the house, Rarity is fast asleep. So, I quietly grab the keys and head for the garage.

After I back the car out and close the door, I suggest we should push the van to my side of the street. Reluctantly, they agree, so we decide to block the driveway to keep it on a flat surface.

“What’s your name?”

“Max.”

“I’m Sonata!”

“Nice to meet you.”

“I’m Aria. I keep these two in check.”

“Yeah?” I chuckle. “Nice.”

“And I’m Adagio. Adagio Dazzle. I’m the ringleader around here. My sisters are always getting into trouble with their shenanigans. If anything, I keep the other two in check.”

I chuckle at their antics as we roll into a petrol station.

The girls grab a few bottles of coke apiece while I purchase a dozen liters to keep us covered for the next couple days.

As the girls get their things bagged, I pump l’essence. When that finishes, I grab the receipt, we pile back in and return home. Then, we push the van out of my driveway, I park the car inside, and I grab my toolbox and some paper towels.

After I secure the hood to keep it from falling on me, I loosen the battery terminals and grab a can of Coke. I then pour a fair amount over each terminal, wait 3-5 seconds, then scrub vigorously with a brush to remove as much corrosion as possible.

After drying off as much as I can with scraping off rogue bits of corrosion, I reattach the battery terminals and check for tightness. Adagio then turns the key and gets the thing started after a few long seconds of cranking.

“Yes!” I celebrate internally. “Okay, let it run for a few minutes, then you can be on your merry way.”

“Thank you so much!” Sonata says. “Although, I do have a favor to ask you.”

“What would that be?”

“Can you take us to the American Embassy in Paris tomorrow? We have an appointment to interview for work visas.”

“Do you have jobs secured in America?”

“Not yet, but if we can secure our visas, then if it takes a turn for the worse, we can stay and continue searching.”

“Sure. Now, I want to extend an offer to you, but let me pre-qualify that offer with a simple question. Why leave Europe?”

The three of them look at each other before Adagio gives an answer.

“We messed up an opportunity to have lives here. Moving to the US is a fresh start for us.”

“How heartfelt. Well, I think that’s enough for me to ask, “would you like to spend the night here? I understand how tough it can be to park in Paris, and if you’re going to be at the American embassy for a while, then it makes more sense to just get shuttled in.”

“You’re willing to house three strangers you’ve known less than a day? And on top of that, you’ll also be willing to take us into Paris so we don’t have to drive ourselves?” Aria asks.

“And if your visas get approved, I’ll take you to the States too.”

“For realzies?!” Sonata squeaks excitedly.

“Aye.” I respond in Scottish.

“Wow.” Aria responds monotonously.

“How generous of you!” Sonata adds.

“Maybe you human scum aren’t so scummy after all.” Adagio finishes.

“I hope that’s not a stab at the French people. In any case, if anyone has ever wronged you in any way, I would apologize on their behalf. However, I don’t know your story, and thus will not pry. I’m sure you had your trials and tribulations to get to where you are now, and I feel it my obligation to assist you in your next step, since you’re all interested in a fresh start.”

“We are.” Adagio says.

“Well, take what you need and come on in.“ I say as I walk towards the front door.

Rarity stretches and calls me as I step through with our new guests.

“Rarity, we have guests tonight. Meet Adagio, Aria, and Sonata.”

“Bonjour. Je m’appelle Rarity, ou Rareté.” (Hello, my name is Rarity, or Rarity.)

“We speak English.” Adagio replies. “I appreciate it though.”

“Bathrooms are that way, bedrooms right by it are available.” I then add.

“Thank you again Max.” Sonata says as she goes to pick a bedroom.

Once out of earshot, Rarity half-whispers, “Are you sure you can trust them? I’m glad you’re being generous to offer them an extra room for the night, but what if they make off in the middle of the night?”

“I have the number plate and aliases, if they didn’t give me their real names. I know you’re nervous, but they want to find work in America.”

“Okay…”

As each of the girls takes a shower, I make note of their rather hypnotizing singing voices, though I wonder how much the acoustics of a bathroom have on singing in the shower. Now that I think of it, I haven’t heard Rarity sing, but to my untrained ears, Adagio sounds ostensibly like Rarity, if you take my meaning.

As the night sets in, I check to make sure everyone’s comfortable before I pop in and ask when their appointment is.

“It’s at 8 am.” Adagio responds.

“Okay. Since it is Lundi (Monday), we should leave early. It’ll take an hour without traffic, so we should be on the road before 7:00.”

“Okay.”

“Do you mind if I ask you couple of questions about your journey? Just so I can understand where you’re coming from? No pressure.”

“Well, um, we’re from Corfu, in Greece. As of late, we kind of got hit with some hard times. We lost our home and almost everything. Been living out of that van ever since.”

“Wow. I’m really sorry that had to happen to you. Where’d the journey take you next then?”

“After we left Greece, we went through Italy and ended up in Sicily. From there, we continued to trek north and went through Sardinia and Corsica before landing in Nice. We were hoping to get to the UK, but our legal consultant in Athens recommended us to Paris instead.”

“And where does your interest in the United States come into play?”

“No reason in particular.”

“Alright. The goal is to be on the road by 7:00, so please plan accordingly. Bonne nuit.” (Good night.)

We’re Stateside Bound

Next morning, I’m up before 5 am, rudely awoken by my colon, surprise surprise. Nevertheless, I’m dressed and ready before 6, glad my new clients are at least awake.

“Good morning.” I say to Aria and Sonata. “Adagio getting ready?”

“Yeah.” Sonata responds.

“Alrighty.” I say as I head for the kitchen.

Enjoying a quick drink of water, I wait for the other three to get ready.

“Why dressed so early darling?” Rarity asks half asleep.

“Their appointment at the embassy is at 8, so we have to leave before 7 to beat rush hour.”

“Okay.”

“You know, your Rolls Royce only has room for four, huh?”

“Sadly.”

“Darn. Well, do you want to go to Disneyland Paris? It’s literally right there, and I can meet you after we’re done.”

“No, no. I’m not going to go without you. Especially alone.“

“You’re just going to stay here then?”

“I suppose. I can get another couple hours of sleep.”

“Ok. I’ll come back here then.”

“Okay. Let’s go.” Adagio says after she emerges ready with the other two. And with that, Rarity heads back to the bedroom, I head for the garage, the other three get in behind me, and we head for Paris.

Glad I took the extra liters of petrol, I keep my foot down, especially because as we meet the Seine, it gets characteristically slow. Glad that the left lane and my right foot were useful, I now blend in with the flow to make use of the wiggle room I created.

Soon, we reach Place de la Concorde, within a stone’s throw of the US embassy. Wishing them “bonne chance,” (good luck), I head for a pleasure cruise back to Marne-la-Vallée.

When I return to mon château, Rarity is dressed in travel casual, and totally rocking it too!

“You look comfortable. Did you want to leave today?”

“No no. If we’re going to leave, then we’ll take those girls with us. You ought to keep your promises. ‘Tis the proper thing to do.”

“You know, I feel like I out-Europe’d you this entire trip.”

“Ah ha ha.” She chuckles with a wide open mouth, obviously meant to convey sarcasm. “I’m just glad I can share my inner Europhile with someone who appreciates it just as much as me. Not that my friends don’t, but someone who understands it, you know?”

“Well, I owe most of my European thing to my many hours of entertainment derived from British television.”

“Yes, that would explain your abrasiveness that makes steel wool jealous.”

“I pride myself on it. Now, let’s talk about your feelings for me.”

“Not even gonna Sugarcoat it are you?”

“No, because I want to know if I was right. Do you still want me?”

“Not as much as before, but I still really like you.”

“Thank you for your Candor.” I smile mostly smugly having been proven correct. “Do you still want to go to Disneyland Paris?”

“No, no. that’s okay. If those dazzle girls want to leave when they get back, we can do that. I think I’m starting to get nervous for my business.”

“Spoken like my mother. Never able to handle more than 4 or 5 days on a vacation. Putting real life on pause for that long a time, you know?”

“Exactly. We’ve been gone for almost a week now, and that’s how I’m feeling right now.”

“Well, hopefully everything works out.”

After about twenty minutes of light cuddling, and by that I mean laying on each other on the couch while I keep track of time, I head out, hoping that I haven’t kept them waiting for too long.

When I arrive at the embassy, the girls aren’t anywhere around, so I take a few laps of Place de la Concorde before finding them waiting in front of the place where I expected them to be.

“Our visas are approved.” Adagio says almost flatly, trying to conceal inner excitement.

“Congratulations!” I respond as they put their seat belts on. “I hope you’ll find America a good place to start anew.“

“You’ve been such a tremendous help to us.” Sonata calls from the backseat.

“I was just doing what I had to do. I should be thanking you for not stabbing me in the back.”

“You not treating us like human scum was our leap of faith. We really should be thanking you for taking us in like that.” Adagio responds rather bluntly.

“You seem like nice women. I’m a nice guy.”

“And we’re glad we ran into you.” Sonata adds cheerfully.

“Likewise. Do you want to leave for the US tonight? Rarity needs to head home.”

“Sure. We’ve got no other business being here.” Adagio responds.

“And no reason to stay.” Aria adds.

Knowing they’re hiding something, I decide not to pursue it further by ending with, “oh alright then. Do you want to ship your van too?”

“We do have some nice memories in it.” Sonata says rhetorically.

“But we may not be able to drive it in the States.” Aria responds. “I doubt it’s street legal there.”

“Why would you want to live in your van? I have a bunch of holiday houses I never use. I can just let you stay at one of them. Saves on VAT, with actual residents there.”

“That’s not what VAT is.” Aria responds. “Do they even have VAT in the US?”

“Sales tax, but not VAT explicitly.”

Aria shrugs in response.

“I think you should take it. A reminder of where you came from and consequently what you have to look forward to. Plus, having a European number plate is like a big thing in the states. I can’t quite figure out why.”

“Even though it is technically a legal document and government property.”

“Just declare them lost, I guess?”

“We’ll take it then.” Adagio says almost hesitantly. “It has all our stuff in it anyway. We can’t just dump it.”

“See?” I quip.

When we get back to Marne-la-Vallée, I tell Rarity to “start packing. They got approved. They are legal aliens in the states under a work visa.”

“That’s brilliant.” She responds in a faux (by Rarity standards) accent. “Will they be staying with me?”

“No. I’m gonna house them while they find work.”

“Okay.”

“We’re pre-clearing in Shannon. We might meet Speedbird 1 in Ireland.”

“How much petrol do you have?”

“Quarter tank.” Adagio calls after starting.

“Can that get you into Paris?”

“Definitely.”

When we arrive at Le Bourget’s FBO, Rarity speaks to the attendant in French on our behalf. I figured she’d speak French, but whereas my English is much more commonwealth than hers, her French is proper French, meaning mine sounds tres Canadien, but in a graceful Toronto rather than a Québécois, if that.

Nevertheless, after I inspect their van and find the make and model, a Ford Transit, I ask petrol or diesel, to which Aria dryly groans out, “petrol. Diesel is demon soot.”

“Hey, I like diesel. It’s how this baby can fly.” I say, earning only a shrug from Aria. “Oh, not that I don’t trust you, but I do need to see your visas so I can verify your legal identity for the purposes of our manifest.”

“Of course.” Adagio says in a sultry voice, which raises my eyebrows in surprise.

Each of their paper visas reveals me their dates and places of birth, legal name, and dates of issuance and expiration along with the stipulation that these are non-agricultural visas, meaning they can’t find farm work. Too bad for the Apple family.

In any case, since their van is quite a bit heavier than the Rolls, I load accordingly and get the three of them onboard, I do my preflight, noting my fuel reserves when we reach Shannon. I’ll probably just top off there.

“Rarity 4, fly heading 280, maintain 4,000. Runway 3, cleared for takeoff.”

“Cleared for takeoff, runway 3, Rarity 4.”

80 knots.

V1

Rotate.

V2

Positive rate, gear up.

Flaps up.

“Rarity 4, contact departure.”

“Switching, Rarity 4, au revoir.” “Paris departure, Rarity 4 off Le Bourget, approaching 4,000.”

“Rarity 4, Paris departure, bonjour. Climb and maintain FL140.”

“140, Rarity 4.”

“Rarity 4, cleared direct Exeter.”

“Direct Exeter, Rarity 4.”

“Welcome back, Miss Rarity and Mr. Scimitar. Ms. Dazzle, Ms. Blaze, and Ms. Dusk, congratulations, you are officially recognized as legal migrant workers of the United States of America.”

“We’re off!” Sonata shouts as I close the cabin door behind us.

“On the road to…” Aria adds.

“Citizenship?” Adagio finishes.

“Well, permanent residency. You’re off, on the road to green cards. Once I get you home, I can get you set up with an immigration attorney who will walk through all the steps. It’ll take quite a few years, plus any citizen applicants must be green card holders for at least 5 years, so I’m warning you now, it’s not gonna be easy.”

Adagio looks at her two sisters and they all smile and nod at each other. She then turns to me and says,

“Nothing’s ever perfect. It’s the mistakes and choices we make with friends that make our life ours. Since we’ve been banished here, we’ve had to learn to adapt and to appreciate what we’ve been given. Yes, humans are scum, but we have us. And we can live our new, real lives without the help of magic.”

A Little Love and Some Accessories

YOU ARE INVITED:

Rarity For You
BRAND NEW LOCATION! GRAND OPENING!
Manhattan, NY, NY

Please RSVP to either of the following:
Cell: (xxx) DARLING
Email: SpikeysWifey@CarouselDressCo.com

“Who’s ’Spikey’?” I ask before I notice a kiss mark at the bottom of the card. A smudge test verifies that it is in fact real, and not a stamp. Since I already have both pieces of contact info, I use the phone to répondre.

“Hello, you’ve reached Rarity! So sorry I’m unable to come to the phone! Please leave your name, number, and a brief message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can! Thank you!”

Electing not to leave a message, I decide to make preparations for my cross country trip anyway. But should I stop in Chicago?

I tentatively look at the weather from here to Chicago and New York to see if it’s worth the pit stop. Since it’s the end of August, the chances of a powerful cell sweeping through Wild Onion City or The Big Apple are pretty close to 50/50, so really, what this planning session is doing is determining if I want to fly through a thunderstorm or two.

N524VA is the only A319 remaining in Virgin America colors and with the VX interior, as the others are fully converted into Alaska Airlines colors, both outside and inside. Fittingly, this airplane is named dark horse. Given recent revelations about having equine counterparts in some parallel/alternate universe that is by some means accessible, the coincidence of choosing to keep this ship full Virgin America is rather apt, don’t you think?

*Rarity would like to FaceTime*

“Hoo-boy, let me see how stealthy I can be.” I say, answering the call and holding the phone up so I can flip to the forward-facing camera.

“Hey Rarity.”

“Max darling, why am I staring out a window?”

“Sorry, I’m camera-shy. My face is oily.”

“Well, I FaceTimed you for a reason! Now let me see your face!”

“Ugh, fine.” I respond sarcastically.

“There you are, darling!” She beams as I position my phone a little farther from my face.

“I’m here. So, what’s up?”

“Well, I assume you got my invitation, since you tried to call me earlier.”

“I did, and,” I pause to show her the invitation, “is there a reason why you put a kiss mark on it?” I finish indignantly.

“Umm, I think you’ll have to call back later, I have a very bad connection.”

Not buying her one bit, I respond as such. “I’m not buying it, Rarity. I don’t care what the reason is, just be honest with me.”

“Someone’s been spending too much time on the farm!” She singsongs back. “Anyway let me ask, have you been to Europe?”

“Yes. Britain, France, and Germany.”

“Well, don’t laugh at me when I say this, but I haven’t.”

“No?”

“Well, not technically. I went with my family when I was very young, probably before Sweetie Belle was born, but I haven’t gotten the opportunity to go back. Until now.”

“How are you able to go to Europe within days after opening a new boutique?”

“Most of the credit is due to my staff. Sassy Saddles, who runs my San Francisco store, will be in Manhattan a few days to help my Manhattan clerk get acquainted. She does a sensational job at it, almost better than me actually.”

“You’re awfully brave admitting that.”

“What can I say? She runs a tight ship, and she’s learnt very well from her past mistakes.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“Yes indeed. Can I count on you to take me across the pond?”

“Sure.”

“Oh, I knew I could count on you!”

“When do you want to leave?”

“A day or two after the grand opening?”

“How long do you want to spend?”

“A few days to about a week. I need to get some inspiration for summer!”

“But summer is almost over.”

“To survive in fashion, one must always stay ahead of the curve, my dear!”

“I won’t argue. Do you need my assistance? Should I plan for New York immediately?”

“No hurry, but I would like another driver. Applejack‘s been willing to drive, but she doesn’t like driving in the city. Same with Fluttershy and Sunset Shimmer.”

“No argument. Besides, I really never go to New York. I bought a house in Manhattan thinking it would be convenient, but I just lost interest in New York shortly after.”

“Well, luckily you met me. I can give you incentive to come back!”

“Yes and no actually. Rosalina’s good friends Mario and Luigi are from Brooklyn, and their parents still live there, but they actually are the standing monarchs in their kingdoms in the Mushroom World.”

“You know royalty?!”

“I guess so. And now that I think about it, Rosalina is a princess too. She watches over and protects the cosmos.”

“How ever does she balance that with working in Hawaii??”

“Her star children, the Lumas, report to her when there’s an emergency. Otherwise, they constantly travel the universe, exploring new places and conducting maritime patrols. It’s actually a beautiful system, since the realms of the Mushroom World have been able to enjoy a very long period of peace since the last catastrophic, or rather, cataclysmic event. I’d love to tell you more, but it’s a face-to-face conversation.”

“Oh, is Rosalina coming?”

“I think so. She expressed a lot of interest, since she can meet Mario and Luigi, if it allows.”

“Well, I’d love to meet them too!”

“I’ll pass the message on!”

“Splendid!”

“So, I guess I’ll ask to make it official, do you want me to come to New York tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll try and fly in tomorrow evening. Dinner sound good when I arrive?”

“YES, please!”

“Didn’t know you’d be so excited about it.”

“Oh come on dear! I haven’t seen you in a while. I’d love to catch up!”

“If you say so. I’ll let you know when I leave tomorrow. I look forward to seeing you.”

“Darling, you’ve just made my week!”

“Glad I could be of help. I’ll see you soon!”

“Don’t waffle! I want you here as soon as possible!”

“I’ll do my best.” I smile back.

“I’ll see you soon then!” She responds by blowing me a kiss.

“By the way, who’s ‘Spikey’?”

“What?”

“Your email address. Who’s Spikey, and are you his wifey?”

*Call Disconnected*

Cackling internally, I make another call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, howzit?”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Do you have a break in your schedule from about a day or two from now to the end of month?”

“I can make space.”

“Okay, well, can you make it to New York then?”

“I can.”

“Have you talked to Mario, Luigi or family?”

“Not yet. I’ll try and get in touch with them tonight.”

“Okay. I would love to meet up, and so they can meet Rarity.”

“Oh, is her boutique opening this weekend?”

“Yeah. She would love to see everybody there.”

“Well I can definitely make my way over.”

“You want me to book your tickets? I can send you the confirmation when I finish and you can change it as you see fit.”

“That’s fine.”

“You want to take Hawaiian 50?”

“I won’t mind. It’s Hawaiian 51 I’ll probably like a little less.”

“Not surprising. And could be worse. You could be on Hawaiian 90 and 89, which would add another hour or two, if you were visiting Mario.”

“If only, but he doesn’t maintain permanent residence over there anymore.”

“Fair enough. I’ll take care of your tickets then let you make changes, you can check Mario and Luigi’s schedules.”

“I’ll let you know what they say.”

“Cool. Thanks. See you soon then?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, bye!”

“Bye!”

With that, I go straight to Hawaiian’s website and book Rosalina first class on a 717 from Līhu’e to Honolulu, then on Hawaiian Flight 50 from Honolulu to New York-JFK. The second-longest flight set served by Hawaiian after Flights 90 and 89, both flights rival Los Angeles-London at 9 to 10 hours, up to and sometimes including 12 hours. Rosalina watched over and protected the cosmos before we met. I’m pretty sure she can survive the return flights, and in first class no less.

After the purchase shows up on my statement, I send Rosalina the confirmation, having chosen seats 1E and 3C on each leg, that way she’s the closest to the boarding door. I mention that in the email, and once I verify it sent, I check other unopened emails and respond to one.

Hello Max,

Pinkie Pie gave me your email. I was hoping my housemate Octavia and I could open a client profile with you. I meant to ask you when you were in Miami, but it completely slipped my mind until now!

Here is our contact information:

Vinyl Scratch/DJ Pon-3
Cell: (xxx) DUBSTEP
Email: WubADubDub@Music2MyEars.net

Octavia Melody:
Cell: (xxx) CONCERT
Email: Octavia.Melody@Music2MyEars.net

Please let me know if there’s anything I need to provide. I look forward to working with you!

-Vinyl Scratch, DJ Pon3”

“Ms. Scratch and Ms. Melody,

Your client profiles are officially established! Following are some basic rules and guidelines:

-All charters require a minimum of 4 hours notice, compensatory for and including where possible: time zone differences, dispatch time, availability of equipment, unplanned diversions or equipment changes, and other provisions not included in the scope of “immediate response.”

-It is the responsibility of the client to notify of any changes to the itinerary and manifest, or any other circumstances that can and may affect such itinerary. It is the responsibility of the Pilot In Command (PIC) to notify clients of any changes in the itinerary not of the client’s request.

-If a diversion must be made due to weather, traffic, emergencies, or other reasons outside of either the client’s or PIC’s control, compensation will be handled accordingly. If a diversion is made at the client’s request, it is still at the discretion of the PIC to take the best course of action for the safety and legality of the flight. The client may be responsible for any undue losses resulting from such delays.

-Cancellations may be made by the client no less than 24 hours before the scheduled pickup. Failure to notify within that timeframe may result in undue delays and the client can be charged at the PIC’s discretion for costs including but not limited to: airport security, landing, parking, and fuel fees.

-Requests for specific or special equipment may be made and are encouraged but cannot always be guaranteed. Any such requests can be adjusted within a reasonable and timely notification - up to 1 hour before outbound departure time, based on the PIC’s local time zone. It is the client’s responsibility to ensure that the request is made before that timeframe in order to guarantee the request can be fulfilled as well as guarantee an on-time departure. The client may be charged for any costs associated with any undue delays.

-Any extenuating or outstanding circumstances considered to be “beyond the scope” of the terms outlined above are to be handled on a case-by-case basis at the PIC’s and client’s discretion.

I’ll boil down the legal jargon for you:
-4 hours minimum notice to request a charter. My local time zone is usually Pacific.

-If you need to cancel, 24 hours notice, I can charge you depending on the degree of inconvenience if the cancellation occurs less than 24 hours before my departure.

-Diversions outside of yours or my control will be handled accordingly. Diversions within your control still have to go through me. I still make the ultimate decision as to what we do, even if the changes in itinerary are urgent (authority of the pilot in command (PIC) as per 14 CFR 91.3).

-Special equipment can entail things like if you need to rent a car or request a different type of airplane than what I originally assign.

Text is the best way to reach me, and is my preferred method of communication, so I ask that all requests go that way. Contact information is included.

(xxx) MOR2LUV - Normal Business Hours, Monday-Thursday
(xxx) MIXALOT - After Hours Monday-Thursday
(xxx) A321NEO - Friday-Sunday

Any questions, comments, or concerns, please let me know! I look forward to working with both of you!

Formally,

Split Scimitar “Max”
ATP - AMEL
Commercial/Instrument - ASEL
Complex, Tailwheel, High Performance, High Altitude
Aerobatics - Advanced

Complete list of type ratings available upon request.

After adding both of their numbers and emails to my contact list, I text Rarity and ask if she needs any special equipment,

“Do you need me to bring a car?”

“Oh, that’s alright dear,” She responds quickly, “we’ll just use mine.”

“Alrighty. Not even for the Euro trip?”

“You want to bring one?”

“I have a car stored at my place in London, so yes and no.”

“Well, can we use one of mine?”

“I don’t see a problem with it.”

“Then we’ll use it!”

“Yay. I’ll sort details out when I arrive. Cya!”

After a quick meal for the day, I take my blood pressure before hitting the sack.

Next morning, my alarm goes off mere seconds after I wake up. Unfortunately, the reason I’m up early is because I’m sweating, so after I snooze it, I force myself out of bed and open my curtains.

Upon checking the METAR, I quickly become unsurprised.

METAR KVCV 291200Z 00000KT 10SM CLR 32/00 A3018 RMK AO2 SLP220 T03201011

Right next to my METAR is my thermostat, which thanks to a mistake on my part was not switched on for the night. Oh well.

Electing to run it at a higher target temp, I switch it on and shut off the snoozed alarm so I can take a shower.

When I head out to the ramp, I almost regret taking a shower but still begin my preflight. Lights check, visual walkaround. No anomalies to report. Fuel looks good to New York with 2 1/2 hours reserve. Due to high-profile events taking place in the Hamptons this weekend, my usual New York airport cannot accommodate me. I planned to Westchester (HPN) anyway, since Rarity lives right by the airport.

KVCV HELDE J6 HEC MARUE Q78 TOADD NAVJO Q90 WELKY JAVAS ALBRT BURKK BDF CADIZ WHETT TAADD DJB WUNDR LVZ SAX KHPN

Departs 7:05.
Arrives 15:23.
Equipment: Airbus A319.

As I complete the preflight and begin the pushback process, I hum a cheerful little ditty/chantey by ad libbing my sentiment from this morning.

🎶“Morning in Victorville’s sunny,
Morning in Victorville‘s hot,
And I know that this might sound funny,
A big metropolis, it is not.”🎶

“Joshua Departure, Airbus N524VA, IFR to Westchester.”

“Airbus 524VA, cleared to Westchester airport via as filed, on departure fly heading 010, climb and maintain 8,000. Departure this frequency, squawk 5252.”

“Cleared to Westchester as filed, 010, climb and maintain 8,000, 124.55, squawk 5252, Airbus 524VA.”

“N524VA, readback correct. Clearance void 30 minutes from now.”

“Void in a half hour, talk to you soon, 524VA.”

Set flaps 2 for takeoff.
Nosewheel steering/ABS on.
Beacon, nav, taxi lights on.
Trim set for takeoff.

“Victorville Airport information Romeo. 1401Z. Wind calm, visibility 10. Sky clear below 12,000. Temperature 34, dewpoint minus 1, altimeter 30.18. All runways restricted access, prior permission required. Advise on initial contact, you have information Romeo.”

Yay, I can take off runway 35.

🎶“Lots of traffic, en route to Las Vegas.
There’s an accident in Cajon Pass.”🎶

Landing, strobe, pulse lights on.
Runway clear.
Autopilot armed.
Lined up, centerline good.

🎶“But Victorville is so gentle and still.
You stop here just for petrol, or for Cracker Barrel.”🎶

Power set, airspeed alive, gauges in the green.

🎶“Morning in Victorville’s sunny,”🎶

80 knots.

🎶“Morning in Victorville‘s hot,”🎶

V1

🎶“And I know that this might sound funny,”🎶

Rotate.

V2

Positive rate, gear… 🎶“But one thing is for sure, it is…”🎶

*BANG*

*WHOOP! WHOOP!*

*ENGINE FIRE!*

*MASTER WARNING!*

“Engine fire!” *WHOOP! WHOOP!* “Engine fire!”

[“Look at this, look at this! Equipment! I need equipment, we blew an engine.”

Suddenly, the plane begins to roll.

“Oh, shit!”](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bTwt5rDDOms) I exclaim tightening my diaphragm as I stand on the rudder to assist the aileron and keep the plane upright.

“Engine 2 fire suppression system ready. Engine fire shutdown checklist:
-Autothrottle: disengage.
-Operative engine: full forward.
-Inoperative engine: throttle idle, start/ignition switches off, fuel/power switch, cutoff.
-Fire suppression system: engage!

Fire extinguished. Engine fire shutdown checklist complete.

“Joshua Departure, N524VA, mayday, mayday, engine fire. Returning to Victorville, cancel IFR.”

“N524VA, Joshua departure. Do you need emergency assistance?”

“524VA, negative. All under control.“

“N524VA, Roger. Victorville your discretion. Change to advisory frequency approved.”

“524VA, if able, can you change the aircraft but keep the same flight plan?”

“N524VA, understand equipment change, same flight plan?”

“Affirm, 524VA.”

“Airbus 524VA, say new callsign.”

“524VA, standby.”

After a simple conversation about range and other things, I make the decision.

“Joshua departure, Airbus N524VA, new aircraft will be ‘N924VA.’”

“November Fife Two Four Victor Alpha, understand new aircraft ‘November Niner Two Four Victor Alpha.’”

“Affirm.”

“Roger. Say type aircraft for the new flight plan.”

“N924VA is an Airbus A321neo.”

“N524VA, Roger. Advise when ready to copy.”

“Wilco.” “Okay!” I exclaim to myself as I breathe another sigh of relief. “Let’s get this thing on the ground, inspect the trouble engine, call Torque Wrench, and get going to New York. Hopefully it isn’t too bad. Of all the outlandish possibilities in the universe, why are all of the wretched things happening to me?!”

I play the landing by feel on the brakes and recall the single engine taxi procedure used by Hawaiian and United, especially in San Francisco, to get back to the gate.

Once parked, I tell myself, “Alright, shut down. Let’s plug her in, hook up the tug, and inspect the engine.”

As I inspect the engine, wary of sticking my head in the chamber to check for internal trouble, my heart starts to race as I whisper to myself,

“I’m not gonna have a meltdown. No one’s gonna see you having a meltdown.”

Then, after my pent up anger boils over, I take a deep breath and then scream into the trouble engine, “LET’S NOT HAVE A MELTDOWN!”

Steam vented, I quickly get N924VA up and running, reminding myself to call Torque Wrench for the engine fix, but first on the list is Rarity.

“Hello, darling!”

“Hey Rarity. I’m gonna be a little late to New York.”

“You will still make it to the opening, right??”

“I’m trying my best. I just had an engine fire right after takeoff.”

“Oh my goodness! Darling, are you okay???”

“I’m fine, and everything is under control, but… Ugh, this is a nightmare, Rarity.”

“Darling, don’t fret! I know you’ll still be able to make it. I can’t wait to see you!”

“I look forward to seeing you. If my airplanes would let me leave for New York.”

“Oh, pfft. It’ll be fine! If I know you, you’ll make up for lost time.”

“I hope you’re right. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Bye darling!” She says blowing a kiss and hanging up.

Now for Torque Wrench.

“Hello?” She answers cheerily.

“Hey Torque, how’re you doin’?”

“Not so bad. Yourself?”

“Well, I could be better. I just had a compressor stall start an engine fire on one of my ships. Can you do a full check and repair on it?”

“Is it urgent?”

“No. I don’t need it repaired immediately. I just want to let you know that I need it done. No rush at all.”

“Well, you’re my only work, so at least it gives me something to do.”

“True, but you are on a salary plus commission. I pay you a flat rate plus labor costs at the price of being readily available.”

“That’s part of why I wanted to work for ‘ya, don’t cha know?”

“And I’m very glad I did. You’ve saved me so much. I owe Applejack big time for introducing us.”

“Thank you. I’ll take a look at it when I can. Which ship is it?”

“N524VA. It’s the A319 that’s in Virgin America colors. It’s all hooked up to the tug so you can tow it.”

“Okay. Thanks. Glad you’re okay.”

“Thank you. Oh, by the way, would you be willing to return to school and get your IA? I’ll cover all costs. And it’ll bump up your salary. You can do all my annuals then without me having to send ships away. Everything can be done on-site without leaving the aircraft’s home base.”

“Sure!”

“Oh, thank you so much, you have no idea how much that means to me! Let’s talk about it when we meet again. I’m gonna be gone for the next couple weeks or so; I’ll let cha know.”

“Definitely!”

“Thank you, Torque!”

“No problem! We’ll see ya soon!”

“Alrighty! Bye!”

“G’bye!”

After I hang up, I swiftly get going.

“Joshua Departure, Airbus N924VA, IFR to Westchester.”

“Airbus N924VA, good to hear from you. Cleared to Westchester Airport via as filed, on departure fly heading 010, climb and maintain 8,000. Departure this frequency, squawk 0316.”

“Cleared to Westchester as filed, 010, climb and maintain 8,000, 124.55, squawk 0316, Airbus 924VA.”

“N924VA, readback correct. Clearance void 30 minutes from now.”

“Void in a half hour, talk to you soon, 924VA.”

“Victorville airport information Victor, 1605Z. Wind 170 at 5. Visibility 10. Sky clear below 12,000. Temperature 37, dewpoint minus 1. Altimeter 30.20. All runways restricted access. Prior permission required. Advise on initial contact, you have information Victor.”

Damn it. Now I have a tailwind. Oh well. It’ll still take off no problem.

80 knots.

V1

Rotate.

V2

Positive rate, gear up.

Turn immediately to heading 010.

Flaps up.

“Joshua Departure, Airbus 924VA off Victorville, heading 010 passing 4.2 for 8,000.”

“Airbus 924VA, Joshua Departure. Radar contact 3 miles north Victorville Airport. Proceed direct HELDE, climb and maintain 8,000. Glad it all worked out.”

“Position checks, direct HELDE, climb 8,000, appreciate the support, Airbus 924VA.”

En route to our cruising altitude of FL370, I decide to text some people about things.

“Hey Applejack, did you get an invitation to Rarity’s grand opening?”

“No. I didn’t need one.”

“Ok thanks.”

Texts to everyone else yield much the same response, except for Rainbow Dash, who doesn’t respond. Ah well, I’ll deal with it later.

“Westchester tower, Airbus N924VA, RNAV GPS 16. This is Sparta.”

“Airbus N924VA, Westchester tower. Understand at Sparta VOR. Confirm information Whiskey.”

“We have Whiskey, 924VA.”

“N924VA, roger. Report final approach fix inbound.”

“Report final approach fix inbound, 924VA.”

“Westchester County airport ATIS information Whiskey, 2345Z. Wind 130 at 12 gusts 18. Visibility 10. Few clouds at 3,200. Broken 4,500. Scattered 12,000. Temperature 22, dewpoint 10, altimeter 29.99. ILS and visual runway 16 in use. Landing and departing runway 16. Notices to airmen: runway 16 touchdown zone lights out of service. ILS Runway 16 CAT II not authorized. Advisory: all VFR aircraft contact clearance delivery prior to taxi. Advise on initial contact, you have information Whiskey.”

“Okay then. If the TD zone lights are inop, increase visibility by 1/4 mile which means 3/4 SM or RVR 3000? No, 4000, RVR 4000 or 3/4 SM visibility.”

Below 200 knots, set flaps 3.

Localizer alive. Turn right to intercept, officially established, lower landing gear.

3 green, down and locked. Below 185, set flaps full.

“Tower, Airbus 924VA at final approach fix.”

“N924VA, Runway 16, in sight, cleared to land.”

“Cleared to land 16, Airbus 924VA.”

Glideslope intercepted, I’ll hand fly this approach.

Before landing checklist.

-Landing gear, down 3 green and locked.
-Flaps, set to full.
-Nosewheel steering and ABS, on.
-Autobrakes, set to Maximum.
-Spoilers, armed.
Before landing checklist complete.

1000.

500.

400.

300, Minimums!

200, Minimums, Minimums!

Environment in sight, normal maneuvers, normal descent to land.

100.

50.

40.

20.

10.

Touchdown!! Spoilers up, brakes on, 2 in reverse.

Short runway, firm plant, brake hard.

40 knots, disengage reverse thrust.

“N924VA, right L, L K M to Million Air. Remain this frequency.”

“L K M, Million Air, Airbus 924VA.”

-Spoilers, flaps, retract.
-Brakes, off. Manual control now.
-Landing, pulse, strobe lights, off.
-Right L, left K, left M to Million Air.
After landing checklist complete.

Once parked and shut down, I order fuel and check in to claim my reservation.

“Hello?” Rarity answers excitedly.

“I’m ready for ya! Pick me up at the address I send you.”

“I knew you’d make it in time! We’re all expecting you!”

“Yay. See you soon.”

“Bye dear!”

Texting her the address, I wait for Rarity to show up by washing up. Hands and face along with some mouthwash just in case I am offensive.

A few minutes later, a silver Lexus IS rolls in and parks right in front of the entry doors. The driver’s slightly bouncy curls give her away as she pops her boot open.

Grabbing my duffel bag, I sling it across my shoulder and head outside, watching Rarity make space in her boot, not that she needs to.

“Max, darling!” She exclaims excitedly as we embrace in a hug.

“Hi Rarity.” I respond softly, almost coughing from the strong parfum she’s wearing. Now I’m getting more than obvious hints.

“We’ll go home and you can drop off your things, then we’ll all have dinner.”

“Everyone’s here?” I ask already knowing the answer.

“Of course darling!”

When we arrive, Rarity shows me where she keeps her keys and leads me in. Showing me to a bedroom unoccupied, I set my things down and take my time prepping my clothes for tomorrow.

“Are we gonna drive into the city tomorrow?” I call out from the bedroom.

“Of course, especially now that yer’ here!” A familiar voice calls from beyond the bedroom door. “I need a break! Drivin’ here sure is stressful.”

“Hi Applejack.” I respond unenthused as she laughs and opens her arms for a hug.

“‘Ya ready for dinner? We’re havin’ steak tonight!” She smirks.

“Where’s the rest of ya?” I say with a Gaelic inflection.

“Oh, hidin’ from ‘ya.”

“Why?”

“We’ll see at dinner!”

The eight of us file out and pile in. Rarity gives me the keys to her Lexus as she takes command of her Rolls Royce Phantom.

The two cars valet at The Ritz. Rarity puts her name down as I exchange hugs and hellos with everybody else. No new news to report, but Rainbow and Pinkie titter when they look at me.

When we all get seated, we get seated at a long table, where upon me choosing a seat, Rainbow Dash and Rarity sit next to me. At the head of the table is Fluttershy at the local’s insistence because her birthday was 2 weeks ago. Opportunistically, the boutique’s opening serves as the perfect excuse for all her friends to take some time off to celebrate 2 special events.

As orders get taken, I contemplate a glass of red with the bone-in ribeye I plan on ordering. Ultimately deciding against it, I settle for a bottle or two of bubbly, split with Rarity, since no one else I know would drink it. Now everybody seems to be in on it, because more and more of the table start staring and tittering, which escalates to giggles before the salads come.

“Okay, is there something wrong? Why do you all keep laughing at me?”

“Darling, it’s okay. Don’t let that bother you.”

“Ok, fine.” Dash says amidst suppression of her own laughter. “We’ve been…”

“Stop it!” Rarity barks. “We all agreed that this would stay between us! So help me, I will dig up all the dirt I have on you if you say anything!”

“Okay! Geez Rarity!” Dash responds defensively.

“I hope that you didn’t spread a rumor about me, did you?” I ask turning to Rarity.

“No, darling! It’s fine. I’ll tell you about it later. When we’re not so… public.”

The rest of the dinner proceeds without much else on anyone else’s minds other than what’s happening this weekend. Of course, once my own interest is piqued, I finally butt in.

“Okay,” I say authoritatively after taking a sip of sparkling water, “what is it you need me to do? I mean, I’ll happily enjoy the festivities as much as the rest of you, but I do want to help.”

“You’re our designated driver.” Rarity responds.

“I’ll happily help you wherever I’m needed, even if all I know about fashion is color coordination.”

I bite my tongue however upon realizing that the uniform I have on has a navy tie paired with black epaulets and pants. To that I gasp.

“What’s the matter, dear?”

“I’m wearing black pants and epaulets but my tie is navy.”

“Oh! Don’t scare me like that! I thought you dirtied your clothes.”

“Believe me, we would both be pretty distressed if that was true.”

When our food comes, most of us dig in to cuts of cow, with the obvious exceptions being Fluttershy and Sunset, the former enjoying some sole and the latter cutting into… chicken?

When the bill comes, I raise my hand to take it but Rarity is quick to pounce. Silly me for sitting close to her.

“Max darling, I appreciate your generosity but please let me have this one!”

“Please, just let me take care of it. I haven’t had a proper steak dinner in months. This is the least I can do!”

“Would you two stop?!” Fluttershy calls from across the table.

“You two are fighting like an old married couple.” Twilight adds.

“Darling, please just let me cover this.”

“Fine. If you insist. Just let me do the maths.”

But before I can start the mental calc-ing, Rarity swipes the bill from my hand and places it on the table out of my grasp so she can run the numbers herself.

“20?” I ask.

No response. Must be giving me the silent treatment.

She hands the sleeve to our waitress and sternly waits for it to come back. Now she won’t even look at me.

“You know what? Fine.” I think to myself. “She has a lot on her plate right now, so I’ll just give her her space until she calms down.”

Not thinking much about the bill after we leave, we return home, where I immediately get ready for bed, citing the events of the journey over, where Rainbow takes immediate interest.

“You had a compressor stall??”

“Yeah. Blew out just as I brought the gear up.”

“What’d you take?”

“Equipment-wise?”

“Yeah.”

“I had a compressor stall with an A319. I switched to an A321neo.”

“BAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

“No aircraft is safe from compressor stalls. Could happen for any reason.”

“Yeah, okay, sure!”

“What? You can’t get compressor stalls because you can just dump fuel on the chamber?”

“Dude, do you know anything about jets?”

“I’m type rated in over 15 different ones, and I have ATP single pilot privileges. I was joking. I’m sure Southwest would love to have you when you leave the Blues.”

“Dude!”

“What? I know how much you love the 737.”

The Girl on the Go

“Oh, thank goodness you’re awake.” A nurse says with a relieved smile. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m alright. Just exhausted.”

“For good reason. I’ll be right back with Dr. House. He’ll walk you through everything.”

“Okay, thank you.”

“I can’t believe you pushed yourself like that.” Rarity says sorrowfully as she strokes my left hand and arm.

“How long have I been here?”

“Just one night.”

“Did you stay here?”

“Yes. Except for earlier this morning. I went home and took a shower.”

“What time is it now?” I ask squinting at the room clock.

“9:41.”

“Oh cool. We didn’t lose too much time. As long as the doctor comes soon.”

A few moments later, Rarity starts crying.

“Hey, hey. I’m here. What are you crying for?”

“Are you seriously asking me that question?! You could’ve died! I almost lost you and you still have the nerve to ask why I’m crying??!!!”

Before I can answer, doctor and nurse enter the room.

“Good morning, Mr. Scimitar. Glad you’re finally back with us. Did you enjoy your nap?”

Chuckling, I respond with a, “it’s exactly what I needed.”

“Yes it was. And it’s a good thing your girlfriend over there called.”

Rarity and I immediately look over at each other. She starts blushing as I look back at the doctor.

“You had a HAPE: a high-altitude pulmonary edema.”

“I’m familiar with edemas.”

“Good, because this one could’ve killed you.”

“That bad, huh?”

“You were coughing up blood, your lungs were nearly filled to their brim with fluid, and had it not been for her quick thinking, you would’ve been a goner.”

“Okay.” I respond nonchalantly. “How long until I can get discharged?”

“Well, all your vitals check out, fluid accumulations have descended to much better levels, and I don’t have any major reason to hold you for additional observance. Let me talk to some of our staff, we’ll write a prescription for you, and you’ll be on your way.”

“Splendid.”

“By the way, on your flight over, did you notice any signs of a cabin pressurization failure?“

“No, actually. The masks didn’t deploy, I never really noticed much in the way of thinning air.”

“Okay. Well, our only reasonable explanation is that the cabin depressurized too rapidly. Nevertheless, please give us a moment and we’ll be right back with your final instructions.”

“Okay, thank you.”

“Max, I… I know you wanted to see as much as you could, but how could you neglect to take care of yourself first and foremost?”

“I can’t really say. I guess I wanted to see as much as I could. I love Britain, and I know that if I stopped to breathe, we would have to cross off things to see, and I didn’t want that.”

“You’re just lucky you didn’t spend longer here. You had me scared half to death!”

“Sorry. I guess I got a little too overzealous.”

“A little?” She responds unamused.

“Only a little.”

“Okay.” Dr. House says as he returns, “everything is in order. Everything that was on your person when you were admitted has been given to Miss…”

“Rarity.”

“Rarity. Since you had an edema and the associated swelling, we’re prescribing Sildenafil, taken once a day until the swelling goes down completely. We’ve given you a week’s supply, since that’s how long we expect for everything to return to normal.”

“Okay.”

“You’ll be all good to go after the nurses take everything off and you sign your final paperwork.”

With that, the nurses remove all the devices and connections to the machines I’ve been on.

“Is my ability to drive affected?”

“Just for your own safety, avoid operating heavy machinery for at least the next 24 hours.”

“Is there a time I should take the Sildenafil?”

“No specific time, just one a day.”

“Okay.”

The nurses then finish taking everything off, I sign the paperwork, and after confirming the address to send the bill, Rarity hands me a new change of clothes, I head for the bathroom, and after emerging with a fresh look, Rarity and I emerge from the hospital, her arms wrapped around me.

“Can we go home? I want to take a shower.”

“Taxi!” Rarity calls. “TAXI!!!!!”

Another black cab rolls up, revealing a female driver, noticeable because I’ve never seen one before.

“Take us home!”

“Uh, madam I need an address.”

“Savile Row please.” I say on our behalf.

The rest of the ride proceeds uneventfully, but Rarity does not let my arm go. Not until I step into the shower does she finally release me.

After about 10 minutes in, I emerge fresh and feeling fresh.

“So, what do you want to do today?”

“Let’s stay in today. After everything we’ve been through.”

“Why? There’s so much of Britain to see. Granted, we won’t be able to see everything, since London traffic will just make travel a nightmare. I don’t want to hole myself up in here, and neither do you.”

“No, but I also don’t want you collapsing from exhaustion and sleep deprivation!”

“I slept like a baby in hospital. Now I can’t stay still.”

“But you need to rest, darling!”

“Rest? I got plenty of that on the airplane.”

*SLAPPED ACROSS THE FACE!*

“Alright then,” I say wiping the spit off my mouth, “I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“Max,” she says with a slight waver in her voice, “you know I don’t mean to take it that far, but I cannot tread this lightly. Max, you could’ve died!”

“I know. That doesn’t mean I can’t pick up the pieces and keep going. This is not a time to pause and wallow.”

“But I’m not wallowing, Max. You just don’t want to Take A Break!”

“Rarity, I know you mean well, and I have what I need to get better, but if I stay still, I will go insane from cabin fever, and I’ve been putting this off for a long time, but there is a more pressing issue to address right now.”

“And what would that be??”

“Do you like me?”

“What?”

“Do you like me?”

“Well,” she blushes, “of course I like you! Why else would I ask you to…”

“No, no.” I ask as I step closer to her. “Do. You. *Like.* Me?”

Her blush now overtaking her cheeks, she covers her face and starts to quiver.

“C’mon Rarity. You know you can be honest with me.”

“Stop Applejacking me!” She exclaims going red as a tomato.

“What? You know that my demands of honesty are because of my history of being lied to. No connection to Applejack at all.”

“Fine. Yes.” She replies removing her hands from her face. “I think you’re handsome!”

“Okay. That’s all I wanted to know. It’s not like you made it that obvious.”

“Of course not, darling.”

“Just the kiss mark, the extra affection, and your friends.”

“They ratted me out?”

“No. I kind of picked up on it.”

“Was it that obvious?”

“Not really. I only guessed after putting two and two together. The tittering at Fluttershy’s birthday dinner, the random quips about you and me like everyone was a shipper on deck, and unfortunately for you, your immediate threats to digging up all the dirt on them.”

“Heh,” she blushes, “well, there you have it. I like you Max, and I think I want to go beyond where we are now.”

“I’m flattered, but my divorce isn’t final yet, and I’m pretty confident that I don’t want to get remarried.”

“I don’t care if you’re still married or separated. I just want you.”

More surprised than resistant, I take a deep breath to come up with the words I want to say.

“Rarity, I’m glad you feel the way you do. I don’t say that lightly. I just want you to know that there is simply too much on my plate for us to potentially start something like what you appear to suggest. If you do have a crush on me, I strongly advise and highly recommend you give it some time. If it’s me, they’ll disappear before you know it. I‘m not going to deny your feelings for me, because I’m honestly flattered that you feel that way about me. I’m just not ready to say yes or no, since I’m not even divorced yet.”

“Max darling,” the blush now spreading to her entire face, “I really do love you. You have an undying resolve that even I envy. You never fail to be there when I need you. You always treat me like a lady. You’ve done so much for us, and me especially. I mean, who else would drop everything to take me to Britain and France? Your generosity is enviable. Your spirit is unshakable, with some exceptions. You always make me feel regal. And you carry yourself so gallantly too. I almost envy you for it.”

Chuckling, I respond only with a, “you give me too much credit. I don’t carry myself proudly. Have you ever seen me complain? AJ and Pinkie would fight you on that. In my defense, me taking you to Europe from my view is technically a hire. I’ve been blessed with work that allows me to have quite a bit of free time. My spirit is by no means unshakable, you just haven’t been around to see me when I open up, or let my defenses down. Trust me, if you met me when I was at a lower point, you’d be out my life faster than…”

“Stop it, Max. I know you’re on eggshells about what’s happening with Rosalina, and I know how dangerous it is for me to admit my feelings for you. I just wanted you to know before it was too late. You make me feel more than special. I want you to know those feelings are returned.”

“Well, if you don’t want me to go out, would you like to watch tv and, oh, I don’t know, cuddle/chill/spoon?”

“Oh, I haven’t felt the touch of a man in so long.” She replies almost weakly as I fiddle with the remote.

After selecting a series we both find interesting on Netflix, we both curl up the couch, despite the outside low being a considerably warm 28°C/82°F. In fact, despite the OAT, we have a fan blowing on us. Rarity all curled up in my arms is almost too cute to cuddle, until she starts dozing off or even checking her phone, which doesn’t occur until about 6 or 7 episodes in.

Nevertheless, when we call it a night, I decide to take my first of 8 Sildenafil pills so that I can sleep down any remnant swelling or internal fluid accumulation.

When I emerge from the bathroom all ready for bed, Rarity slides into her side and falls asleep quite quickly. Even though I just took my medication, I lie down next to Rarity, and just before I fall asleep for the night, I give her a gentle kiss on the side of her head as a thank you for her support and understanding, and to see if it’ll induce some sweet dreams.

“Dear sir, I hope this letter finds you in good health and in a prosperous position to give wealth to some people like me, y’already said it. See, that’s my future wife you decided to…”

“Shit.”

“Signed, Spikey Wikey.”

When I wake up, I make sure not to wake Rarity as I head for the shower. Glad I was able to keep to myself last night, I step into the shower and try to solve last night’s dream. I ain’t no Joseph, and we’re certainly not in the Faroe Islands (bad joke, I know), but this dream is pretty straightforward.

I’m not religious, and I wasn’t raised in a strongly religious household, but my heavily parochial educational background simply intervened. Whether or not this is me being cautious I’m fairly certain it is. So in my silent unnerved shower, I half-heartedly but intentionally whisper, “Lord, Show Me How to Say No To This.”

I like Rarity, probably as much as she likes me, subtracting an approximation of the factor that having a crush on me may have, but I don’t feel comfortable doing anything while Rosalina and I are still legally married.

When I get dressed, I take our tickets to Last Night of The Proms and put them on the kitchen counter, where it won’t be a problem to find them. Since we’re leaving tonight, and we didn’t buy any groceries, I’m gonna swallow a hard pill and take an even bigger L and have Little Chef. Oh wait a minute. Little Chef took the L. They’re all closed now.

When Rarity comes into the kitchen, she shows me some extra affection and pulls me to the couch, turning on the Telly and reclining across the couch, patting the couch next to her so she can rest her head on my lap.

“Morning, Rarity. Sleep well?”

“Indeed I did. Thanks for the goodnight kiss.”

“Of course. You were so tired and exhausted. Plus realization of what transpired kind of hit me too. Yeah, I was hospitalized for an edema, no big deal.”

Rarity rolls her eyes at that statement, to which I continue, “but we pulled through. I acknowledge it happened, and my hospital bill shouldn’t be that high. Though, was I in the ER?”

“Yes. To remove your accumulated fluid.”

“Well, shit. Looks like I’ll have to temporarily raise my rates.”

“Darling! It’ll be fine. You’ll pull through. It’s not like you had a cardiovascular incident.”

“Just like my dad.” I say with a tinge of Vietnam flashback.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it like that, I promise!”

“Don’t worry about it. What we should worry about is breakfast. The one place I wanted to try is closed.”

“What’s that, darling?”

“Little Chef.”

“I can’t say I’ve heard of them.”

“Well, if they went into admin, that should say it all.”

“Where should we go?”

“I don’t know. The last time I was in Europe was when I bought this house. An old friend of mine from Camulodunum was kind enough to meet me and show me around properly.”

“Camulodunum?”

“Colchester. Try and keep up with my Roman… just kidding. That and Londinium are all of Roman Britain I can remember.”

“Anyway, do you want to just find some random place that looks good?”

“Why not? Explore London a little. We don’t have to be at the Albert Hall until 18:00.”

“That gives us a whole day to see what we haven’t seen in London yet.”

“Do you want to go back to Savile Row?”

“I’ll walk there again. I don’t think I’ll want to buy anything though.”

“Wouldn’t expect you to. Savile Row is mostly men’s clothes. I’d want you to save for Champs Elysées, if you can pass for someone of culture and status. Most people on Champs Elysées won’t even give you the time of day unless you look like a billionaire.”

“Aren’t you one?”

“No comment. Whether I am or not, I have never passed for one.”

“Really?”

“So I’ve heard. When I went, I never walked Champs Elysées, just on a coach tour.”

“What did you do in Paris?”

“Quite a few things. Eiffel, Arc, Louvre, Notre Dame, Sacré-Cœur, and Place de la Concorde. Outside of Paris, I went to Omaha Beach and walked on D-Day shores, Mont St. Michel, and Cathédrale Chartres.”

“Wow, you did a lot! How much of it do you remember?”

“Most if not all. It was quite a lot to take in, especially because that week we were there was a week of cold and rain between heatwaves. Literally left Europe as it got really hot.”

“Lucky.”

“You know, we can talk all day and still not make a decision about breakfast.”

“Well, do you want to go now?”

“Do you want brunch or something else? It’s late enough that we could just wait for all other restaurants to open.”

“Let’s wait it out. I don’t need a full English breakfast. It’s not my style.”

“But it is mine. Yet, I’m not desperate. For some reason, I get a heart attack thinking about eggs for breakfast.”

“Darling, your obsession with what will give you a heart attack, will give you, a heart attack.”

“Oh relax. My diastolic is low. I’m not Cameron Frye, constantly clenched and waiting for the moment to snap and go absolutely bonkers. It’s my systolic to worry about, since all the emotional strain of the divorce is doing a number on me.”

“Max, can you please stop jumping to death like it’s an easily predictable conclusion? I’m getting sick of it.”

“Sorry, but this is part and parcel of dealing with me. You’re either gonna have to deal with it, or send me on my merry way. You want to use my McLaren?”

“I don’t care. As long as you don’t do anything reckless.”

“Well, let me run it to make sure nothing’s wrong. I’ll use it next time.”

A quick yelp search reveals a nice brunch place in Greenwich, just outside the Royal Observatory. With that short a distance, I ought to use the McLaren.

After I fire up the very loud race car, I have Rarity get seated so I can open the garage. Doing so, we make an exit and close the garage behind us, making quite an impression on our street.

Flicking paddles isn’t quite the same as kicking a clutch and throwing a lever, but I enjoy the experience as we power through moderate city rush, arriving at an opportune time, seeing a large group of buses I assume heading straight for the Prime Meridian.

Getting seated, Rarity to my surprise orders an Eggs Florentine while I stick to my usual/expected Full English, complete with black pudding and a side of Marmite on toast.

When the orders are placed, Rarity and I pick up on our previous conversation.

“Where else should we go? We just need to be back in London by 16:00.”

“Well, since we’re here, let’s go visit the Royal Observatory. And, if time allows, what about Shakespeare’s Globe? I think those are the only big sights left.”

“That’s fine. I’ll just want to change before we head over there. No way am I going to park either car over there though.”

“No no no no, of course not.”

“Glad we’re both on the same page.”

Our food comes quicker than we expect, digging in without much more talking. Apparently we were hungrier than either of us expected.

When we make our way out, we decide to just walk to the Royal Observatory. There is quite a bit here that interests me, such as the Prime Meridian and the official UTC/GMT/Zulu time keeper, but Rarity takes interest in the building itself. Onward to Shakespeare.

To make sure the car is used adequately, I take the long way round and drive by The O2, One Canada Square, and actually drive across Tower Bridge.

Snagging a lucky spot less than a block away, I park and carefully help Rarity get out, since she’s street-side. I snap a few pictures of her here along with a selfie of us.

Only a few minutes here, I decide to go for a leisure cruise before returning home, the petrol in the tank down to where the car says “please refuel.”

Checking to make sure I have a jerry can, I put it next to the car to remind myself about fuel (whenever I return to London next) and head inside.

With about an hour and a half until we ought to leave, I fall into bed and sigh.

“Okay. 90 minutes, nap time?”

“No darling. Hold me.”

“Okay! Since you’re being so straightforward. Just take your shoes off. House rules.”

“Of course darling.” She says slipping them off and dropping them at the door. When she jumps onto the bed, she slides up onto me and then turns her back. I guess we’re spooning, probably because we didn’t last night. No matter, I’ll oblige if it makes her happy.

As she does things on her phone, I be the big spoon with an extra dose of touchy-feely to see how she’ll react. Squirming ever so slightly, I grin evilly and adjust my grip on her so I don’t accidentally touch her breasts, but as she responds to an email, she rubs one of her feet along my lower leg, which makes me retract in surprise.

“Did I scare you darling?” She asks half-sinisterly.

“I didn’t expect you to do that especially since we’ve both been over where we stand.”

“Of course, but can’t I be just a little… playful?”

“Sure. But if you’re going to do this, then you’ll be in for a real treat.”

Blushing intensely, Rarity adopts a semi-foetal position by curling up and setting her feet atop my knees. Half-ready to sleep, I set an alarm for 17:00.

When the alarm goes off, Rarity is full on little spoon, hands joined together with mine and our legs intertwined. As much as I enjoy it, it is time for us to get changed and make our way over to the Albert Hall.

It’s about a 50 minute walk, so after I spiffy up, I put on my pride and joy, a pilot uniform, hat included. My own personal touch to the uniform is one of my most prized non-aviation articles of clothing. Back when I was young and had less of a filter, I, in the spirit of Pinoy pride, got a track jacket of the Philippine flag as a gift. Knowing what I know about Last Night of The Proms, I know I’ll be fulfilling some dumb dormant fantasy of being able to display myself patriotically without fear of negative feedback. I’ll just be blending in with the crowd.

When I slip the jacket on and smooth it out over the uniform, Rarity looks at me and smirks, which devolves into poorly suppressed laughter.

“My goodness Max!”

“I don’t have a flag to wave, so this is where I make up for it.” I say as I grab the tickets and place them in my shirt.

“Oh alright then.” She grumbles still just as confused.

An OAT of 19° is perfect for both of our choices of outerwear. Naturally, we take our time but know that if we dawdle too much, we may be squeezing through to get to our seats. Nevertheless, when we reach the Albert Hall, the place is teeming with taxis, ride shares, and potential patrons.

I try and snap a picture, but Rarity beats me to the punch by taking a selfie. I obligatorily join her before we present our tickets and head for our seats.

“You weren’t kidding. We’re right under the orchestra.”

“Row 1, darling.”

“You didn’t have to do this. I haven’t touched my clarinet in years.”

I take a look around the hall and make note of many a large number of flags. This is gonna be a good program.

Much of the first half is dedicated to Monty Python, as they’re celebrating the series. In fact, the concert opens to the Holy Grail Overture. That sets the tone as many Francophiles in the audience wave their tricolores.

I’m not too familiar with Monty Python, so I can’t say I’m a particular fan of many of the pieces, though I definitely recognize a lot of them.

The first half of the concert ends with a sing-along of “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.” Rarity then uses the bathroom while I purchase a drink to keep my mouth from going dry.

When Rarity returns, we both sit down and take in the Albert Hall fulfilling its purpose as a concert hall. I played Walt Disney Concert Hall right after graduating high school, so it was a perfect goodbye to my days as a band geek.

Soon, the concert resumes, and in perfect fashion.

“This program is getting silly. Surely you weren’t expecting this: The ~~Fillydelphia~~ Philadelphia ~~Fillies~~ Phillies will be in town for a set of matches with the Boston Red Sox next week at Wembley. And now for something completely different.”

A perfect nod to America, the iconically patriotic back half kicks off, starting with Jerusalem. Already the program is out of its usual order.

Following Jerusalem is Fantasia on British Sea-Songs, inconsistent in appearance but making a fortunate appearance this year.

In the wake of Fantasia, the crowd joins with flags and flashlights for an oddly serene sing-along of Auld Lang Syne. While I know the traditional lyrics, a different set of lyrics come to mind, humorously trying to sing both parts simultaneously.

Then, Rule, Britannia! begins, and all the union jacks fly. Rarity and I side-hug and rest our heads on each other, enjoying our surroundings of British patriots bleed their red, white and blue.

As the patriot cheers subside, I feel academic all of a sudden. Yes, the unofficial national anthem of England, popularized academically at Yale, and a staple of such celebrations of accomplishment and academic grandeur in Canada, the Philippines, and the United States. Now everybody’s bobbing.

A single kazoo or similar noisemaker triggers lots of laughter from the hall, myself included. Poor Rarity however is unfortunately not in on the context.

🎶“Land of Hope and Glory,
Mother of the Free.
How shall we extol thee,
Who are born of thee?

Wider still and wider,
Shall thy bounds be set.
God, who made thee mighty,
Make thee mightier yet!
God, who made thee mighty,
Make thee mightier yet!”🎶

🎵“Land of Hope and Glory!
Mother of the Free!
How shall we extol thee,
Who are born of thee!

Wider still and wider,
Shall thy bounds be set!
God, who made thee mighty,
Make thee mightier yet!!
God, who made thee mighty,
Make thee MIGHTIER YET!!”🎵

We both join the applause and then look into each others’ eyes, smiling in enjoyment of the finality of this wonderful display of patriotism that is not limited to Britain. Amongst the crowd, I manage to spot 19 different flags.

“It’s been a pleasure conducting here tonight. But unfortunately, our concert master sits next to Squilliam ~~Fancypants~~ Fancyson over here.”

Everyone laughs.

“You wouldn’t want her to go home tonight having to live with the fact that she got drowned out by some mediocre clarinet player, do you?”

The crowd responds with a mixture of laughs, boos, and noisemakers. I elect to take the former two options, since I don’t have any of the latter.

🎵🎶“Land of hope and glory!
Mother of the free!
How shall we extol thee,
Who are born of thee?🎵🎶

🎵🎶Wider still and wider!
Shall thy bounds be set!
God who made thee mighty,
MAKE THEE MIGHTIER YET!🎶🎵

God who made thee mighty,

🎵🎵“MAKE! THEE!”🎵🎵

Swallowing my pride, I look over and tap Rarity on the shoulder. Drawing off the energy of the crowd, I lean in and lay my lips on hers perfectly in time with the last two beats.

🎵“MIGHTIER!” 🎵

🎶”YET!”🎶

Fireworks in Hyde Park, Hillsborough County, Dundee, Salford and Swansea, along with the cheers, whistles, and collective patriotic pride of the crowd in the Albert Hall, are the perfect background noise for this kiss of a lifetime. Let’s go to France.