I Am Become Death

by Lack of Tact

Rating: teen
Tags: Death, Alternate Universe, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Pinkie Pie, Random
Length: 1077

In short, Pinkie dies and becomes the Reaper. This... is a good thing, right?

No, definitely not a good thing. The power of life and death in one's hooves? Who could do such a thing without going mad!

Well, obviously Pinkie, but... is she seriously the best pony for the job?

I mean, she doesn't even know she's a Reaper!

. . . . .
Crackfic #1 of the "I'm tired, frick-fracking end me" series

:twilightsmile: Enjoy! :twilightsmile:

Published 2019-11-27 23:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-11-27 23:10:01 UTC

Giver of Boops

"TWILIIIIIGHT, TWILIIIIIGHT!" The pink mare screamed at the door to no avail. Nopony could hear her scream for she was dead. Kinda? It's hard to explain. She'd push the damnable object ajar, but being ethereal, it's pointedly obvious she can't. She huffed inward, "TWILIIIIIGHT!" Her words bellowed out like a storm over the ocean, but still, nopony opened the entrance. She blinked. "Duh, I forgot." She snorted to herself and shook her head. "NEVERMIND, I FORGOT I'M A GHOST! SILLY ME!" She simply phased herself through the door with a cheeky grin.

In the middle of the tree-library, Pinke stood as she took in her present surroundings. What she saw amazed her, especially as a ghost: Books, books, books, ooh a bookmark! "Welp, I'm bored," for all of a few seconds, anyhow. She glanced at the staircase ahead of her and smiled widely once more, "TWILIIIIIGHT!" She shouted, pronking her pink Pinkie ghost up the steps with ease. Sort of, she almost fell through them a couple of times. She stopped herself in front of Twilight's room. If anypony knew what to do to help her, it'd be Twilight. Maybe. Pinkie personally hopes it's not a Frankenmane type gig. As she shuddered at the thought, she took a needless breath in and stepped through into the young Alicorn's room.

She stared at the sleeping form of her 2,134th bestest best friend in the whole-wide world—and the afterlife now, too. "Neat!" Pinkie pronked over to Twilight's bed and loomed over the unconscious mare with ill intent. Ah, who are we kidding? There's not a bad bone in her body. Granted, there aren't any bones now, seeing as how she's a ghost, but still. "Jeez, I'm sure they got it, Tact! You're trying too hard, just lemme have my fun!" A ghost in the shadows, nopony could hear her or see her. There was potentially nothing she could do to wak—no, stop, don't poke her!

Twilight's eyes shot open quickly before they rolled into the back of her head. A final breath managed to escape her body. Pinkie tilted her head in wonder. For several minutes, Pinkie stared at the lifeless body of Princess Twilight Sparkle; she had indirectly murdered her fri—"WHAT?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I COULD DO THAT! A WARNING WOULD HAVE BEEN FANTASTIC!" She screamed to the ceiling as if it had answers for her, but it had none for it was a ceiling.

Just as she was a ghost.

Just as Twilight was de—pop. Twilight's form materialized suddenly right next to Pinkie and the mare's smile returned with a vengeance. She pronked over to her newly departed bestest best friend in the afterlife and gave her a tight ghost-hug. Twilight's mouth opened and closed several times, confusion highly evident on her face for all the while. She finally pulled herself away from Pinkie. "P-Pinkie, what... how'd you get in my room? I locked the door!" She asked as she looked around her bedroom for any signs of entry.

She stopped as her eyes landed on her cadaver. "P-Pinkie... who-who is that?" In the night, the shadows crawled over her corpse and she was none the wiser.

Poor Twil-"Oh! That's you, turns out I'm a ghost who can take ponies' lives on a whim, now!" Pinkie stared at the frog of her hoof in wonderment, whereas Twilight's metaphorical heart skipped a beat. In a panic, she threw herself at the deceased former Princess' corpse, to try and put herself back into her own body, but to no avail. Instead, she simply phased through it and ended up downstairs. Pinkie—Pinkie, Jesus, stop!

As with Twilight, Pinkie booped Spike the slumbering dragon right on the schnozz. He hiccupped once before he too fell limp. "You know what this means, Tact?! GHOST PARTAAAAAAY!" With that final word out, she zipped off to who knows where just as Spike popped back into existence. Kinda. Yo, Spike, you hear me?

"W-what the, wasn't I just sleeping?" Figures it only works on the pink one. Dammit, all. Whatever. Anyway, Spike looked around just as his adoptive sister had and he, just as well, stopped on his lifeless form.

In all honesty, Spike was a boring dragon to narrate. Let's go back to Pinkie, shall we? Let us see what she's gotten her... self... in—PINKIE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP. In the center of town, just at the edges of the circular fountain, were her five friends. Well, five recently deceased friends, I suppose, but friends nonetheless. Pinkie had gathered them all for her fabled 'Ghost Party'; the Elements were no more. Surely, the world is doom-Pinkie. Pinkie, where are you going?

"I'm gonna boop everypony ever and it'll be the best ghost party Equestria has ever seen!"

Holy Jesus, I just wanted to narrate a f:yay:cking story where you died and tried to bring yourself back, is that too much to ask? And did you just censor me?!

"Yepperoony! Swearing is no good! It's also a really bad habit, I've read your blogs. You should try and cut back some time, silly!" The pink, absolutely batsh:yay:t insane pony pronked. She pronked all the way to Canterlot, leaving her confused friends behind. She pronked all the way to the castle. Pronked, all the way to night court.

Pronked all the way up to Princess Luna and waited. She was in the middle of her militant speech thing, but Pinkie had time. In fact, Pinkie had all the time in the world. She snickered to herself.

Pinks, I don't think this is a good idea.

"Oh, relax! I'll boop you next so you can join us!" I'm, uh, I'm good. Thank you, er, for the offer though. You just, uh, yeah. Do what you're doing.

"Oki-doki-loki!" Just as Princess Luna stood up, inciting morale amongst her soldiers: the Night Guard, Pinkie struck. She booped Princess Luna in the nostril. All hell broke loose when she, too, slumped into her throne, immediately expired from the boopage impact. The batpony guards 'REEEEEEEEEEEEd' loudly, panic amongst their numbers, but Pinkie wasn't done. She pronked up to every single one of them and booped them with fervor.

Literally every pony died.

As Pinkie left the newly ghostified courtroom attendees, her target now the ruler of the sun, she screamed happily into the night. "GHOOOOOOOST PARTAAAAAAAAAY!"

And Tact, well, he retired from trying to write Pinkie in stories.

Author's Note

Boo!