The Roast of Whats-Her-Name

Twilight decides to make fun of a pony. Which pony? We're not exactly sure.

Moonshot was one of the winners of the last speedwriting contest, and for his prize, he asked for a 1000 word commission.

Your prompt is: Roast someone in the chat but don't say who
Could be yourself, could be me, could be {NAME} lmao; anyone goes