Anon's Rebellion Against Politeness

by Bendy

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Random, Human, Main 6, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Comedy
Length: 1161

You, Anon are summoned to the Cutie Map for a friendship problem for something you did in the privacy of your own home.

You, Anon are summoned to the Cutie Map for a friendship problem for something you did in the privacy of your own home.

A parody of Pinkie's Politeness Practice

Published 2019-10-29 21:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-10-29 21:00:01 UTC

Rebellion

You, Anon, the human were sat at the table in the cutie map room. Your new pony friends looked upon you with both anger and sadness. You had no idea what you did. All you did all day today was masturbate and read books.

“Uhhh, what did I do?” you said.

“You know what you did Anon!” growled Rainbow Dash, crossing her hooves.

“Calm down Rainbow.” said Twilight Sparkle.

“But Twilight, what he did was evil! He lied to us!”

Now you were really confused. “I’m sorry, what?!”

“Ya know what you did Anon. I offered my little sister, and ya refused.” bellowed Applejack.

“...” you simply said, giving her a blank look.

Twilight coughed with a hoof over her mouth.“Anon, they don’t mean to be so harsh. They just angry that’s all. But really, we care about you and we are deeply worried.”

“Okay… just tell me what’s happening here.”

“Pinkie Pie… saw… saw you… you…” Twilight began, but could not finish.

“Saw me what?” you inquired.

Pinkie Pie stood up and pointed a hoof at you threateningly. “I saw you masturbating!”

“Ummm… so?”

Rainbow Dash slammed her hooves on the table. “Anon! What you did was HERESY!”

“Masturbation is against the law? But that doesn’t make sense at all from what I’ve seen here!”

“Whatever do you mean Anon?” asked Twilight.

“Well the whole public sex is a kind of a big giveaway.”

“Well, have you seen anypony masturbating?” said Twilight.

“Uhhh…” lots of pony sex memories filled your mind, but you never saw anypony masturbating. ”No.”

“Anyway Anon, we are going to help you stop masturbating.” said Twilight.

“What?! You can’t do that! I’ll kill myself if you make me stop masturbating!”

Everypony gasped in shock.

“Anon, noo.” said Rainbow in a low voice. “I’m sorry. I-I… I just want to help you!”

“Anon, please don’t. I’m sorry, alright?” said Applejack.

You turned away to speak. “You don’t know what it feels like to be alone. In my world many people live their entire lives not having sex… or even kissing a girl.”

The whole room began to tear up.

“Your world… sounds horrible.” said Fluttershy.

“It’s… it’s not all bad Flutters. Masturbation combined with porn is one of the key things that help the human spirit fight against the bleak, hopeless, darkness of our meaningless, short lives. If I could not masturbate, I would've killed myself long ago. ”

“Yes… you told me Anon that humans don’t live nowhere near as long as ponies, and the fact you don’t know if heaven exists or not…. and then even… humans might not even have souls.” said Twilight in a low voice.

“Yes, I did.” you said somberly.

“Well, the obvious solution is to turn all humans into ponies.” said Applejack.

Everypony gasped in shock.

“Applejack…” Twilight began quietly, before shouting the Royal Canterlot Voice and her mane literally going on fire and her eyes were glowing bright red. “WHAT THE FUCK! I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO KILL YOU RIGHT NOW”

“Uhuu… errr.. Ah’ll go see myself out!” said Applejack, standing up and then proceeding to trot out of the room at great speed.

With Applejack gone Twilight’s mane returned to normal. She turned to you, with tears in her eyes. “Anon, I don’t care if you don’t have a soul or not. We would never do that to you or your species.”

“Yet… you would stop me from masturbating.” you said in an angry tone.

Suddenly, everyone in the room has remorseful looks on their faces.

“Anon… I have been a bad friend. I should not have come into your house and watched you masturbate. Had I known that masturbating meant so much to you, I would have never told the others.” said Pinkie Pie.

“Pinkie, I am willing to give you a second chance. But promise me to knock on my door before you break into my house next time.”

“I will Anon! I’m so sorry.” said Pinkie.

“Sorry!” said everyone else in the room.

“I… I may forgive you in time. You ponies need to treat me with respect, and I shall respect you back if you do that.”

“Anon, we would do anything to make you forgive us.” said Twilight.

“Okay, come to my house and have sex in front of me while I masturbate.”

They all nodded in agreement.

“And bring Applejack, she got the best ass of the lot of you.”

Everyone gasped in shock. And Pinkie Pie began to cry, wailing in grief.

“But Anon, after what she said?” said Twilight.

“Err, I still like her ass. Bring her along anyway.”

“Nooooooooo!” roared the table with Twilight’s voice.

Another Twilight Sparkle, whose body was much more sparkly and ghost like in appearance appeared on top of the table. She was much larger than the normal Twilight. She was basically on par of the size of a shire horse.

“I am the Tree of Harmony! And this isn't the way the friendship problem was meant to be solved. This goes against destiny!”

Your pony friends jumped to your side in your defense.

“Leave Anon alone. He's our friend!" shouted the original Twilight.

“Sorry, I’m afraid I may be forced to rape Anon.” the Cutie Map said.

Your friends screamed in anger, charging at her. With a flick of her hoof your friends were frozen in midair.

“Now Anon, I promise I’ll be gentle.” she said softly, stepping off the table.

You turned to run away. But you only managed to take about two steps before you were pulled off your feet into the air and sent into her furry chest.

“Please… no…” you cried, tears falling down your cheeks.

“Don’t cry Anon, you will enjoy this.” she said softly.

Suddenly, Mel Gibson in his mighty Braveheart form stormed into the room, armed with a massive claymore sword.

“FRRRRRREEEEEEEEDDDDDOOOOMMMM!”

“William Wallace?! What are you doing here!” she shouted.

William Wallace didn’t answer, he simply charged at her and in one fell swoop cut her head off with his massive sword. The Avatar of the Tree of Harmony disappeared with a puff.

“Thank you William Wallace.” you said in a low voice.

William Wallace simply gave you a nod, before he too disappeared with a puff.

Your friends now free from the Tree of Harmony’s magical hold jumped on you and gave you a hug. And they did absolutely nothing sexual during this hug, they simply cried silently while they hugged you.

“You stood up for me when I was about to be raped. Now I know I can trust you. I'm not only going to masturbate to you, I am going to have sex with all of you tonight.”

“Actually Anon, can we have a just friends cuddle session tonight? Plus I need to experiment on casting some magic on your junk so you can handle so many ponies at once.” said Twilight.

“Alright, another time then.” you said softly.

END