But plants don't even have hearts!
“Phyllis, NOOO!!”
“No, no, no, what have you done, Trixie?! Get Phyllis out of the trash can, Starlight, before it’s too late!”
“Okay!”
“What? What’s going on?”
In Princess Twilight Sparkle’s School of Friendship, a plant known as “Phyllis” found her life in dire peril in Starlight Glimmer’s office.
Trixie Lulamoon, the school’s future Guidance Counselor, had recklessly dropped the green plant into a trash can, believing Phyllis reeked of “desperation”. Starlight, as well as Starlight’s fillyhood friend, Sunburst, were also in the office and Sunburst had just accepted Starlight’s offer to be vice-Headmare once she became Headmare. Or vice-Headstallionin Sunburst’s case, for obvious reasons. Starlight likes to admire the kites she has spread over her office from time to time, but she currently had more important things to worry about.
Starlight levitated Phyllis from the trash can and laid her on the floor in front of her desk. “Phyllis?! Phyllis?! Can you hear me? Talk to me!”
Phyllis remained silent.
Sunburst ordered, “Check for a heartbeat, Starlight!”
Sitting in a chair behind the desk, Trixie wasn’t alarmed at this unfortunate turn of events in the slightest and instead wore a baffled frown. “But plants don’t have heartbeats!”
Paying Trixie no mind, Starlight rested her head on Phyllis’s leaves. Five seconds later, Starlight’s eyes grew and she gasped. “I--I can’t feel one, Sunburst!”
Sunburst’s eyes in turn widened. “Oh, no! Give her CPR, and I’ll look for help!”
“But I don’t have training in that!”
Sunburst pointed out, “Me neither, but you’re a natural in things, so just try! We have nothing to lose!”
“Okay, I will!”
“How can you give a plant CPR?!" Trixie questioned.
However, Trixie’s question was ignored. Sunburst sped out of the office, leaving Starlight with the task of reviving Phyllis until he could find help. With a determined frown, Starlight gently pressed her hoof on the leaf she was checking for Phyllis’s heartbeat. She released the pressure and added it again every three seconds.
“Please, Phyllis, come back to me! I need you!”
Trixie let out an annoyed groan. “Okay, what are you doing, Starlight?”
Starlight responded, “What do you think, plant killer?! I’m trying to give Phyllis CPR! Wait, do you have training in plant CPR?”
Before Trixie could give an answer, a young Yak ran to the open door. “Hey, is Headmare Twilight here?”
Starlight answered, “No, and I’m sorry, but we have a crisis, Yona. Phyllis’s heart has stopped beating.”
Trixie asked, “This is a ‘crisis’?”
Yona gasped. Unlike Trixie, Yona wanted to take the situation seriously. “What?! Make way for Yona! Yona have training in CPR!”
“You do?!” Starlight asked with a smile.
“Yes, and Counselor Starlight not doing it right!”
“In that case, take over, Yona!” Starlight ordered.
Starlight lifted her hoof from Phyllis’s leaf, and Yona sped to Phyllis and placed a hoof on a different leaf. Yona released and re-applied pressure every two seconds.
Starlight asked, “Is it working?!”
Yona removed her hoof and laid her head on Phyllis’s leaves. “No. Still can’t feel heartbeat.”
Trixie groaned. “Okay, this is getting ridiculous! Plants don’t even--”
A lavender Alicorn flew into Starlight’s office with a worried frown. She was Princess Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship and current Headmare of the School of Friendship. Spike, a small purple Dragon, flew in right behind her.
“Starlight, I’m glad you’re here. I just heard that Tirek and Cozy Glow have escaped--” Twilight gasped at the sight of Yona giving Phyllis CPR and landed on the floor. The far more serious situation with Phyllis made what she was previously concerned about leave her head. “Wait, what’s going on?!”
Starlight answered, “Phyllis doesn’t have a heartbeat, and Yona’s giving her CPR!”
Twilight gasped. Her school was a place to help improve lives, not a place to lose your life. “Phyllis doesn’t have a heartbeat?! No, no, how could this happen? I knew I should’ve stayed here and maybe I could have--”
Spike flew in front of and lightly slapped Twilight on her cheek to calm her down. He didn’t want to slap his long-time friend, but the crisis was too grave to allow Twilight to enter a type of panic known as “twilighting”.
“Okay, Twilight Sparkle? This is no time for you to ‘Twilight’. We gotta save Phyllis!”
“Yes, you’re right, Spike, and thanks for slapping me out of that.”
Thinking of what Twilight was starting to say about Lord Tirek and Cozy Glow, Trixie asked, “Wait, what was that about--”
Twilight interrupted, “That’s not important now, Trixie, and I can’t remember what it was anyway. First, I gotta get help for Phyllis.”
Sunburst trotted back to the office and with him was a paramedic: a gray Unicorn mare. The Unicorn wore a pair of clear glasses, and she levitated with her a bag bearing a red first-aid symbol.
“Where’s the critical patient?” The paramedic asked.
Starlight pointed to Phyllis, with Yona still performing CPR. “She’s there, doctor!”
“Okay, give me some space.” The paramedic ordered as she ran to Phyllis. Yona stopped performing CPR and moved out of the way and towards Starlight. The paramedic placed a hoof on a different leaf that Yona and Starlight gave CPR to, and applied and released the pressure every two seconds.
With tears swelling in Starlight’s eyes, Starlight covered them with the hooves on her forelegs and whimpered, “Oh, I’m so sorry, Phyllis. I should’ve paid more attention.”
With a sympathetic frown, Twilight wrapped a friendly wing around the guilt-stricken mare. “Don’t give up yet, Starlight. Phyllis is a strong plant.”
Sunburst and Yona set a comforting hoof on Starlight, and Spike did the same with one of his claws. One of Fluttershy’s kindness lessons taught Yona to do this for somepony that needs support, and Sunburst and Spike had long ago learned the gesture of kindness.
Despite the heartwarming moment, Trixie “facehoofed”. She’d seen many bizarre things in Equestria, but nothing like the scene unfolding before her eyes. “Okay, this is getting out of hoof! All this is for a plant?! And plants don’t even have hearts!”
However, everypony was too focused on either giving Phyllis CPR, comforting a friend, or blaming themselves to pay attention to Trixie’s words.
After a minute of CPR, the paramedic admitted, “Okay, this isn’t good. I can’t get her heart to start. She needs treatment that she can only receive in a plant hospital to restart her heart.”
Trixie questioned, “There’s a plant hospital? Where?!”
Starlight gasped and exclaimed, “You mean she’s not going to make it?!”
The paramedic shook her head. “Not at this rate. I’m so sorry.”
Luckily, before Starlight could begin the grieving process, Twilight said, “Hold on. There is one thing that could save Phyllis, but it’s dangerous.”
“How dangerous?” Spike asked.
“One of the most dangerous things I can think of, even more than enraging Fluttershy. Many things could go wrong, and my idea could even rip apart reality and destroy Equestria if it backfires.”
Sunburst commented, “Well, we will just have to take the risk, Twilight! A plant’s life is at stake, and you remember that old ponish saying of ‘reward prefers risk’?”
Trixie slammed her face against Starlight’s desk. Even before the action, she was close to suffering an aneurysm due to the (to her) absurdness of what was transpiring. “Twilight Sparkle, are we really going to risk Equestria for a plant?!”
Yet Twilight paid Trixie’s words no mind. “I remember, Sunburst, so here’s my idea.” Twilight turned to Starlight. “Listen to me, Starlight. You have to fix this with a spell!”
Starlight gasped and her eyes widened. “What, a spell?! You always tell me to not use them to solve problems, and the last time I tried was two seas--I mean two years ago!”
Forgetting that a minor was present, Twilight replied, “Buck what I said, Starlight! Just do it! I would, but the last time I did with a plant, it ended in two plants dying. It has to be you!”
“Princess Twilight Sparkle! Language!” Trixie scolded.
Again, Twilight paid Trixie no attention. At this moment, the Princess of Friendship was only concerned about one thing: saving the dying plant in the room.
Starlight formed a determined frown and nodded her head. “Okay, I'll do my best.”
With everypony’s eyes on Starlight, including Trixie’s blood-shot eyes, Starlight fired a turquoise beam of magic from her horn at Phyllis. The beam’s impact, if any, didn’t make the plant move in the slightest.
The paramedic set a hoof on one of Phyllis’s leaves, then shook her head. “I can’t feel a heartbeat. I guess whatever that was meant to do wasn’t enough to revive her.”
Starlight fired another beam. Like before, Phyllis didn’t react to the blast.
The paramedic again checked for a pulse. “Still no heartbeat.”
Yona guessed, “Maybe that too much?”
A third beam was released. A purple hat, covered in yellow and light-blue stars and dots, materialized and covered Phyllis.
Sunburst commented, “No, too much Trixie.”
“Okay, how can a spell have ‘too much me’?” Trixie questioned.
A fourth beam hit Phyllis, making the hat vanish.
The paramedic again checked for a heartbeat. After three seconds, she smiled. “Guys, I feel a heartbeat!”
Grins full of relief and happiness appeared on the faces of all in the room, save for the face belonging to “The Great and Powerful Trixie”. That face had a mouth that was wide-open from pure disbelief.
Starlight asked, “You do?!”
The paramedic nodded her head. “Yeah.”
“Oh, thank Celestia!” Twilight exclaimed.
“…”
Spike pointed at Phyllis. “Did you hear that, Starlight? Phyllis said she’s all right.”
Starlight responded, "I did, and I'm so glad you're all right, Phyllis!"
Trixie countered, “Wait, I didn’t hear anything!”
The paramedic said, “Still, I should take Phyllis to the plant hospital to check her out. If they can’t find any internal injuries, she’ll probably be out in a day.”
“Okay,” Starlight replied.
The paramedic called in another paramedic that was outside the office on standby, a blue Pegasus. The Unicorn paramedic levitated Phyllis onto a stretcher, then both paramedics carried the stretcher with Phyllis out of the office.
Trixie slapped herself to ensure this wasn't a dream. The slap hurt, proving the scene unfolding before her eyes was real.
With things calming down, Twilight turned to Yona. “All right, Yona, you can go. However, you did your best to save Phyllis and showed great compassion by comforting Starlight. I’m so proud of you, and you can even skip your next test, and I’ll grade it as an ‘A+’.”
“Really? Thanks, Headmare Twilight!” Yona hopped out of the office with a smile, shaking the office with each hop.
Twilight walked to and rested a hoof on Starlight’s back. “Starlight, you have been through a lot today, so you can take tomorrow off if you want.”
“You sure?”
Twilight nodded her head. “I’m sure, and our friends and I can cover your guidance counselor duties tomorrow. Plus, with the work we have forced on you lately, you deserve a day off.”
Sunburst added, “Yeah, and it’s about time for us to hang out anyway. We can relax tomorrow and play Dragon Pit as much as you want.”
“Okay, and thanks, Twilight. But, can I go to the plant hospital and see Phyllis?”
“Sure.”
Starlight smiled and ran out of the office. Twilight and Sunburst followed Starlight out.
Left all alone and still in the chair behind the desk in the office, Trixie set the hooves on her forelegs to her cheeks. Never before in her life had the blue Unicorn felt so confused, and yet so “normal”.
Author's Note
Well Trixie, you have become the normal one of your friends.
Sucks, doesn't it?
