Linger

by Kronos Frostwind

Rating: teen
Tags: Fluttershy, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Human, Original Character, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 11058

Does anyone truly know what death brings? Maybe it's all just in the luck of the draw.

When a brony dies from a fatal car accident he ends up in Equestria, as a pony no less. Who or what brought him here? Is it just him, or did others get sent along with him? Are the answers worth seeking out, or should he just enjoy his new life?

Atlas speaks in [bolded brackets] while Coeus speaks in <bolded less than greater than symbols> and I think in italycs

Cover art by Elaruki, thanks again Eli!

Published 2012-09-28 15:04:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-04 05:38:00 UTC

Chapter 1:Hospitality

~Linger~

Hospitality

Wet... that was the first thing I noticed. I felt wet. I could hear the steady patter of rain on the pavement and sirens in the distance. I slowly opened my eyes, only to be greeted by darkness. I could see faded lights in the distance. I felt my head throbbing, I tried to bring my hand to my head only to find myself incapable of it. I turned to stare at my right arm, the sleeve of my coat was stained red, a few streams of blood freely flowed off my hand, my entire arm was caught in the broken car door. I felt panic begin to set in, I managed to calm myself before further assessing the situation. I turned to my left to see my brother hunched over the steering wheel of his car, blood streaming from a gash across his forehead I looked down at my left arm to see it unrestrained. I began to bring my hand to my forehead, I was blindsided by the intense light-headed feeling that struck me. My hand felt wet, I pulled it away from my head to see blood smeared on my palm. The edge of my vision began to grow black, the darkness slowly creeping towards the center.

Is this it? Am I going to die here...?

I remained silent, waiting for someone... or something to answer me. It was okay that an answer didn’t come, it was a rhetorical question anyways.

I sighed briefly, “Fuckin’ hell...”

With those awe inspiring last words, the world fell into darkness. The darkness seemed to envelop everything, blocking out the world around me. For a while I merely remained in the darkness, numb and unfeeling. A small pinprick of light began to pierce the darkness, it slowly began to grow, clearing away the emptiness that once filled the world. I closed my eyes in an attempt to stave off the piercing light. The light continued filtering through my eyelids unheeded. Feeling began to return to my body, everything was sore though the pain remained dull and numb. I put my arm in front of my face, still trying to keep the light at bay. I felt a cool breeze brush across my face as well as a light rustling all around me. The light began to diminish, once it was bearable I opened my eyes expecting to see the pristine white of a hospital room... I was greeted by no such vision. My sleeve was stained red with dry blood and ripped open, revealing a jet black furred hoof, hovering in front of my face, poorly covering the open sky. I pulled back my sleeve and turned my arm inspecting my new appendage, scars littered the hoof, slightly concealed by its fur. I looked down at myself for a moment. Scratch that, new body.

Breathe... Remain calm and think...

After a minute of lying there I looked back down at myself, I was wearing a pair of black track pants with my plain white tee shirt, mostly covered by my black chef coat. My clothes all appeared to be ten sizes too big. The only thing that still fit was my dulled silver Griever necklace which thankfully wasn’t covered in blood. My body was small with black fur covering my skin, my legs appeared to be reverse jointed. I rolled onto my stomach and stood shakily on all fours, my pants, being far too big for me, immediately fell to the ground. I leaned my head down with a sigh, causing my jacket and shirt to fall over my head. I glared down at my clothes before grabbing my jacket with my teeth and draping it over my shoulders.

I don’t care how bloody or beat up you are, you’re coming.

I saw a small hill not too far from me, I began to walk towards it. After a few steps I tripped over myself and fell to the ground. I grunted in irritation before picking myself back up and attempting to walk again, carefully placing one hoof in front of the other. When I crested the hill I saw a small, rustic town. It seemed very familiar, I couldn’t quite think of what it was though.

“I definitely remember dying... odd... this doesn’t look like hell...”

I shrugged before walking down towards the town, occasionally stumbling along the way. Occasionally a creature would fly over the town, I say creature because they were far larger than any birds I’d ever seen, shaped differently and quite a bit more colorful too, I was still a too far away to make much of it though... Now most bronies would have drawn the, at least semi logical conclusion and known where they were, but I was a bit skeptic. Maybe it was the fact that I had just died, maybe it was the belief that the universe hates me, or maybe it was the thought that shit like this isn’t physically possible!

When I eventually made it to the town, all I could do was gape at the ponies milling about. Occasionally one of them would notice me and walk away nervously.

Cartoony world, new body, hooves and ponies...

The largest smile began to work its way onto my face as realization hit.

Today’s going to be a good day! Huh, I just died and I’m thinking it’s a good day... Maybe it’s the blood loss.

I was shaken from my thoughts by a worried voice.

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?”

I turned towards the distressed mare, still smiling. She was a golden, creamy yellow, with a long pink mane. “Better then ever, maybe a tad light-headed, but great none the less.”

The mare began pushing me down the road, “Come on, you’re going to the hospital right now!”

“But I’m fine! Really!” I stumbled slightly, feeling momentarily weak.

She began to stare at me. I immediately closed my eyes in fear. No, not the stare! Why Fluttershy!? WHY!?

“Fine, I’ll go!”

She nodded and led me towards a hospital, occasionally turning back to check on me or righting me when I’d stumble. Ponies gawked openly at me, I think I even heard one of them screaming, “The horror! The horror!” It was only a few minutes before we reached the hospital.

As we walked through the door, a nurse at the desk began to look up towards us, “Hello, how may I help...”

I cocked a brow, “Am I REALLY that messed up?”

The nurse nodded slowly for a second before calling for a doctor.

A tan stallion with a brown mane walked into the room, “Yes Nurse Redheart?"

He turned his head towards me, eyes wide with intense interest, “How are you able to stand? Nurse!”

Immediately a nurse thrust me into a wheelchair and rushed me into a room before removing my jacket and setting me into a bed. It all happened too fast for me to comprehend.

The doctor walked in shortly after and walked over to my bed and began inspecting me curiously. He began poking and prodding a few areas, occasionally finding sore spots.

I sighed, “What’s the big deal? I feel fine. Well, aside from the dizzy spells, that’s new.”

He stared at me like I was insane, “Have you seen yourself recently? I’m amazed you’re conscious.”

He began checking my blood pressure, still appearing confused and awestruck.

“Vaguely, didn’t see many problems.”

Again with that stare...

“You’re right forehoof is nearly shredded, there’s a rather large cut raking across your face, you seem to have taken quite the knock to the head, you may even have a concussion. You’re blood pressure is dangerously low and that’s just external, Celestia forbid you have internal damage to top it off.”

...And here I am defying the laws of physics, and probably nature by shrugging it off.

I groaned, “Fantastic, so tell me doc, how long am I stuck here?”

“Depends, we need to do a few tests.”

I hate tests...

[So much...]

I quirked a brow, “You say something doc?”

“Just that we need to do a few tests, we’re going to have a unicorn induce sleep to make the tests easier.”

Now I’m hearing things, great.

I shrugged and closed my eyes, “Kay, sleeping sounds great, ready when you are doc.”

I heard the door open and someone walk in, “He’s ready nurse.”

There was a strange sound, hard to pick out, sparkley? Tingley? Then, I faded out of consciousness.

Chapter 2:The Morning After

~Linger~

The Morning After

The light began to filter from the windows, vengefully into my eyes, intent on waking me this fine morning.

Ugh, 5 more minutes...

A tomboyish voice drifted into my ears, “So, this is the pony you met the other day?”

Or maybe not...

“Y-yeah.”

Fluttershy’s here? Then the other one’s probably Rainbow Dash.

The door opened briefly as another pony walked in, “Hello girls, you two should head home. He’s not due to wake up until tomorrow. We’ll send for you when he wakes up if you’d like.”

Oh, the timing’s too perfect.

I opened my eyes and rose up giving a brief wave, “Mornin’ doc!”

“...Or now works...”

I began to make a show of cracking my spine and other joints, my body was still painfully sore, so it hurt quite a bit, but it was worth the reaction. “I slept great, how long was I out?”

“...About eight hours...”

I cocked my head to the side a bit, “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“You were supposed to sleep for sixteen more.”

I shrugged, “Good thing the tests are over, speaking of, how’d they go?”

He merely sighed, placing a hoof to his face, “A little too well, none of your scars are infected, some have even started to fade. Your blood pressure’s normal again, no internal damage.”

I smiled, “I always did heal quickly.”

“Nopony should be able to heal this quickly... Congratulations, if this keeps up, we can discharge you tomorrow.”

“Fantastic! Hey, where’d the pony who brought me in go? I thought I heard her voice.”

I heard a small eep, I turned to see her trying to hide behind Dash.

I smiled briefly at her, “Thanks for taking me here, where I’m from most people wouldn’t have cared enough to do anything. I may hate coming to the hospital, but it’s nice to know ponies around here care.”

She nodded briefly, “I-it was no trouble at all. I-I’m sorry I forced you t-to come.”

I smiled, “Nothing to be sorry for, my fault for being stubborn.”

I turned a bit to see Dash eyeing me suspiciously, “Are you new in town? I haven’t seen you around before.”

I nodded, “Yeah, I just got here.”

“What’s your name?”

I thought for a second before responding. “...Kronos Frostwind, call me Kronos. Yourself?”

She puffed out her chest and raised her head proudly, “Name’s Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in all of Equestria.”

“Nice to meet you Rainbow Dash and?”

The creamy yellow mare seemed to shrink back a bit, muttering her name just barely loud enough to be heard.

I smiled a bit, “Ah, nice to meet you too Fluttershy.”

A worried voice shouted from the other room, “Doctor Stable!”

He sighed loudly, “Excuse me a moment.”

He walked out of the room, leaving the door open. “Yes Nurse?” There was a brief pause, “...Oh not again.”

He called for another nurse, I could hear a loud clamoring and confused shouting, probably from another patient. Doctor Stable came back into the room and began leading the two out of the room.

“Sorry, but we need to bring another patient in, please come back tomorrow.”

They both nodded before leaving.

He turned to me with a sigh, “Looks like you have a new roommate.”

He left the room, probably to prepare as the clamoring drew closer. A slew of nurses hurried in a light blue unicorn that looked worse off than I did.

“FINE! Fine! I’m here! Didn’t have to drag my ass all the way to the bed.” He announced as they placed him forcefully in a bed.

I chuckled briefly, “They did the same with me, pretty rough treatment for injured patients.”

He smiled in response, “They didn’t believe me when I told them I just couldn’t figure out how to walk quite right, they thought I was dying or something.”

I cocked a brow, “You haven’t seen yourself yet have you? You’re kind of a mess. What happened to ya?”

“Yeah, I keep a vanity mirror in my back pocket for just such an occasion.” He responded sarcastically. “And as for what happened... huh, the last thing I remember was grabbing a few of my things at my ex-girlfriend’s place and...” He rubbed his head as if it would help him remember, “and I fell? That doesn’t sound right. The last thing I went to grab was... my peace lily on the balcony...” He let out an exasperated sigh, “Memory is fuzzy. What happened to your raggedy tail end?”

“A ca... An accident...” I coughed briefly.

“How long are they gonna keep us here? I want to explore!” He said happily, but still covered in dried blood.

“For me, tomorrow, for you? No idea how fast you’d heal. Gonna have to wait for the doctor and his tests.”

Doctor Stable walked in, as if on cue, followed by a white unicorn with a dark blue mane.

“Now I’ll need to have you anesthetized so we can run a few tests.”

“Why? I don’t want to get knocked out!” He said, looking a bit terrified.

He sighed, “Sorry, but it’s necessary, Ms. Soothing Remedy?”

The nurse merely nodded as her horn began to glow.

“Please?” He said in a groggy voice.

I merely waved at him, “Night, bud!”

He began thinking deeply, I knew that the next words to leave his mouth would bear the intelligence and experience only one with years of knowledge would make sense of, let alone speak for themselves. I listened closely, in hopes of attaining the knowledge he was about to utter.

“Don’t trust doctors, they feel you up when you go under!” He managed to get out as he finally passed out.

Or he could be delirious from blood loss... wait...

“You didn’t do that to me did you...?”

The doctor looked taken aback, “Of course not!”

“‘kay, are there any books here? ...Preferably any about Daring Do...?”

“Yes, there are a few in the table by your bed.”

I turned to the nightstand and pulled out a book titled , Daring Do and the Emerald of Equagga. I opened the book and waved towards the doctor who was performing various tests.

“Have fun testing him and feelin’ him up, I got reading to do.”

I could feel the doctor glaring at me, but he continued his work. He would occasionally mutter about physics and impossibilities, at a few of the results.

Sounds like we got another human here.

I merely sighed and continued reading, hoping that knock to the head hadn’t caused brain damage. The doctor left soon after, still dumbfounded. A nurse came in and placed a peace lily on the table next to him before stepping back out of the room.

“Huh, so he did have a peace lily...”

I finished reading the book late around dawn. I set the book on the table with a sigh.

“And now everything gets boring...”

“THAT BITCH KILLED ME!” The stallion next to me yelled as he sat up.

“...Or not...”

The pony next to me threw off the covers as he tried to stand, ultimately ending with him on the floor.

“Nurse! I need to get out of here!” He yelled from the ground.

I rolled my eyes, “...So, you died too then?”

“NO! I was MURDERED!” He said as he pushed himself towards the door.

“Dude, you’re already dead... and in a different world. What could you possibly do about it?”

He stared at the ground for a moment, “Yell? Scream? Cry? She... she killed me...” He stated, sounding depressed.

A nurse began to walk in, I motioned for her to leave and walked up to the stallion.

I sighed, “Personally I tackle it with a smile seeing as where I ended up, but the decision is yours to make. Then again, my death was an accident. Come on, you need to rest.” He didn’t resist as I helped him back to bed.

He let out an exasperated sigh, “Thanks... I’m... I’m Tim by the way.” He said half smiling.

I smiled, “Name’s Tyler, I’m going by Kronos though.”

“Right, right. Time for a fake pony name...” He rubbed his forehooves together in a thoughtful, almost evil fashion, “Satin.”

I got settled back into my bed, “Like the fabric?”

“Yeah, so?”

I grinned briefly, “Just curious, oh lord of the cloth.”

“Oh stuff it, you freaking time lord.” He threw back, not missing a beat.

“So... you a brony?”

A big, toothy grin appeared on his face, “Come on man, I’ve been in bed a day as a pony and I didn’t freak right the fuck out... well about being a pony anyway...”

“One, you were only out for about nine, ten hours. Probably gonna piss the doc off with that, and two, we have Daring Do books!” I said, tossing the book over to him.

“I think I’d rather figure out how to walk without falling over every third step.” He responded flatly as he tried to get out of his bed again.

“How did you get here without knowing how to walk...?”

“Slowly, very slowly.” He said as he kept his forehooves on his bed as he began trying to balance build his balance.

I shrugged, “Better question, you were adamant that you were perfectly fine... Why would you come to a hospital?”

“You think I came here of my free will? Doctors freak me out!” He turned towards me very suddenly, his face a mask of seriousness, “Did the doctor do anything to me? You know, sexually?”

I chuckled, “Hell if I know, I was reading. Though I don’t think I remember you having that tear in your ear.”

“Rough bastards...” He said as he stood in the middle of the room, not leaning on anything.

“Who brought you in anyways?”

“Oooh that may be a problem later, I woke up near the edge of town and uhhh the first ponies I met, I may have scared away with the... you know, the blood.” He seemed kinda ashamed about this.

After a few moments of silence I sighed, “...go on...”

“I may have traumatized three little fillies...”

I gave him a deadpanned glance, “So you woke up... and traumatized three... fillies... My god, it was the CMC wasn’t it!?”

“Uhhh, yeah. But, it wasn’t my fault. I kinda fell down a hill and landed behind them. Still covered in blood, mind you. It was, an experience. They went for help, and long story short. Big Mac dragged my ass here.”

I just shook my head, “Wow... Just wow...”

“But it wasn’t my fault!” He repeated, as if he were trying to convince himself.

I merely rolled my eyes in response.

He took a hesitant step forward, “This is awful, I had no balance as a human. You think four points of contact would make my balance better. This is making me feel like a drunk two year old.”

“I’d try to walk upright out of boredom... but I have no pants...” I looked down to see the necklace still hanging around my neck, “Huh, I figured they’d need to remove it for the tests, guess not.”

“Ponies don’t wear pants usually.” He responded matter-of-factly.

I responded, “But I do.”

“A world where you don’t have to wear pants. This doesn’t sound like an issue to me.” His walking around the room getting more confident with every step.

I shrugged and began contemplating ways to attain said pants.

Need a job first... Maybe Rarity can make some. Still need money though... Wait, how am I paying for this hospital room and the care...? Are they going to try to get Fluttershy to pay it when they find out I’m broke? Or maybe they have free health care... Just like Canada! Well I was a baker for a while, I could try Sugarcube Corner.

“Oh hey, they brought Kevin.” He said breaking my train of thought.

I turned to him curiously, “Kevin?”

He went to point but ended up crashing on the floor again, “...My plant...”

“Ooookay then...”

“Does that mean he died on Earth? Why is his flowerpot in one piece? I don’t understand interdimensional travel.”

“Maybe the massive amounts of blood his roots probably soaked from your corpse linked him to you... maybe he even possesses part of your soul! In all seriousness though, hell if I know.”

“Well, there are worse things to be soul linked to. You know, like a cat, or a housefly, or a sarcastic jackass.” He responded with a smirk.

I smirked, “I know that feel, sarcastic jackasses are horrible as friends, to have your soul linked to one...” I feigned a shudder.

“Alright, I’ve got walking down. Next, magic!” He announced as he flicked his horn and winced a little. “That is sensitive...”

“Quit feelin’ yourself up. Wait, what am I...? Why in the hell haven’t I checked yet!?” I merely groaned as I threw the covers off of me, there was a pair of jet black wings folded over my sides, there was a white trim extending from the base to the tip of each wing. I poked a few spots on them, they weren’t particularly sens... I lied... in every aspect of the word. There were a few... sweet spots, but otherwise they were fine.

“So no objections when the doctor is doing it, but when I’m doing it, it’s suddenly awkward? Sounds like someone likes the male on male action.”

I merely shook my head, “Shut up, stupid.”

“Not my fault you would colt cuddle all up in my business! That’s a personal thing, I’ll never fault someone for their sexual preference.” He let loose a mocking laugh.

“My god, do you even think before talking...? Ever? How does that have anything to do with... Ya know what? Fuck it, I quit!”

[Kill him... please.]

“And the gold for witty banter goes to... Drum roll, please! Satin!” He announced as he jumped back in his bed.

I glared at him, “Hate you... and everything that you stand for!”

He merely chuckled, “So how we figurin’ out this whole ‘new life’ situation? I figure we’re in the same boat so we should probably stick together. You know, even if you want to ‘stick together’.”

I just shook my head, ignoring his idiotic comments, “The way I figure it, when we get out, Pinkie will probably throw us a party if the fanon/canon has anything to do with it. I’m probably gonna try to work at the bakery with her, what about you?”

“You know... I don’t think anything I did on Earth translates to much here. I was an electrical engineer in school, I was an eagle scout, and... I don’t think either of those turn into a practical job here...”

“Ya could always try The Acres.”

“Ewww that sounds like manual labor. Do I look like the kind of guy... stallion that bucks trees all day?”

I just sighed, I couldn't think of a better reaction to that statement if I tried, just, sigh. “Well, ya might wanna start thinking up some ideas then.”

“That sounds like a problem for future Satin, let that jackass take care of it!”

“You are that jackass...” I facehoofed, yeah all you bronies out there, I legitimately facehoofed, eat your little hearts out!

“Future jackass Satin.” He corrected.

I resolved to let him lay in the hole he was digging, merely responding with, “That dipshit’s gonna have his work cut out for him.”

He rolled over in his bed, “His problem, not mine.”

“Screw it, Present Kronos is going to bed since past Kronos was up all night reading. Tell me the doc’s reaction when I wake up.”

“G’night buddy~” He responded happily as he began to go through the books on his nightstand.

I laid back in the bed and closed my eyes, waiting for sleep to take me.

Chapter 3: A New Beginning

~Linger~

A New Beginning

“AHHHH! MOTHER FUCKING GODDAMMIT, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!”

What a pleasant way to wake up in the morning...

[Fuckin’ hell!]

I slowly sat up in my bed, “Well good morning to you too sunshine... Any particular reason for the random stream of obscenities?”

Satin was rolling in his bed holding his head in what seemed like pain.

“Hey, screw you! I’m not your goddamn sunshine!” He threw back.

I rolled my eyes, “Duly noted, now again, the obscenities are because...?”

“Horns FUCKING HURT!” He yelled out, holding his head in his hooves.

“What’d you do?” I asked with a sigh.

“I’m trying to learn how this thing fucking works!”

“Sounds like that didn’t turn out quite as planned...”

“YA THINK, YA ASSHOLE!?!” He shouted with what could only be considered, pure. Hate.

“Touchy.”

The door opened, ushering in the doctor, “What’s with all the commotion?”

I gave a brief wave and smiled, “Morning, doc!”

“Head hurt from magic.” He muttered defeatedly.

“Magic? You should still be recovering!” He commented.

“I’m recovered! I don’t need to be here anymore!” Satin replied without missing a beat. “I bet the tests came back and I’m perfectly freaking fine! I want to leave now... Please.”

I chuckled, “I’m with him, I appreciate the help and all but... I wanna explore!”

The doctor sighed, “...No, there isn’t anything physically wrong with you two, but there should be. Your injuries have healed too fast. The sheer amount of blood loss would put anypony in a coma at the very least! Yet, you two just walk it off like a bad cramp!”

I smiled excitedly, “Simple... MAGIC!” I replied while flourishing my fore hooves for emphasis.

He perked a brow in curiosity, “Either way, I’d like to keep you here for a few more days to see what we can learn.”

“That sounds like needle talk, how about no.” Satin responded flatly.

For once, he laughed. It wasn’t the normal, cheerful laugh I hear so often, no, this was a maniacal laugh, dripping with venom and a hint of sheer evil! “You act like you have a choice in the matter! I’m not releasing you till I’m sure you’re completely well.”

I smirked a bit, “...Has anyone ever told you that you would make a fantastic villain?”

“No, not that I can recall.” The doctor said as he began to exit the room in victory.

“He’s a charming asshole.”

I shrugged, “For the most part. So, up for escaping from a hospital?”

Satin smiled in response, “Sounds like best plan.”

I got up from my bed and threw my, now clean, torn up coat over my shoulders, “Get your shit and let’s go then.”

“What shit... Oh right, Kevin! Almost forgot.” He jumped out of bed tried to pick up his plant and balance it on his back.

When we were finally ready to leave, the door opened as Fluttershy and Dash walked into the room.

I smiled and waved at them, “Hey girls, what’s up?”

Dash nodded, “Hey, Fluttershy wanted to stop in for a visit, what about you?”

“Escaping from a hospital, care to join us?” I asked, happily.

Satin nodded in agreement.

“You shouldn’t do that!” Fluttershy commented in as forceful a tone as she could manage, “If you’re not well, you need stay here!”

“We’re perfectly fine, the doc said so himself. He wants to keep us here because we healed too quickly.” I responded with a shrug.

Dash grinned, “I’m in, sounds like fun!”

Fluttershy sighed in defeat, “Fine then.”

“Yeah, I’m good. I hate being in a hospital. I’d really like to leave, like, right now.” Satin said, rubbing his hooves together, “Here’s the plan, now that we have you girls as a resource. You guys need to create some sort of distraction. I’m thinking something big, a medical mishap. It needs to be flashy though, but no fires. Then me and Kro will make our daring escape, disguised as nurses. I don’t know where we’ll get the outfits, but we’ll figure that out on the fly.” There was a stunned silence for a few moments after Satin stopped.

It... It’s GENIUS!

Rainbow Dash began to psych herself up for the catastrophe she would soon create before...

“O-or we could jump out the window... If you want to...”

Well... The fun of escaping is dead now.

“But... where’s the fun in that?” I asked, downtrodden.

“Hey, at least now I don’t have to get dressed as a nurse.” Satin said with just a hint of sadness.

I looked down at myself, “I think I could pull it off... Yeah, who am I kidding...” And with that I thrust the window open, shouting, “Allons-y!” before jumping outside, only to realize we were on the second floor. My wings expanded on their own, causing me to glide slowly down to the ground. I fumbled a bit, but I remained standing.

“Don’t... don’t drop me.” Satin bitched nervously as Dash and him exited the hospital room.

“I’m not gonna drop ya, ya scaredy colt.” Dash commented dryly as she set him down and landed next to him.

Fluttershy flew out the window carrying Kevin, closing it before descending to the ground next to us.

I sighed, “That was disappointingly easy... So, what do you three wanna do next?”

“Continue leaving before that doctor walks into that room with a rectal thermometer or something.” Satin said, heading off in a random direction.

Fluttershy began to stammer, “H-he does know he’s leaving town, r-right?”

I smirked. “Doubt it.”

Dash groaned before calling out, “You’re going the wrong way!”

Satin let out what sounded like a string of swears before returning to the group.

I chuckled lightly, “Right-o, lead on Ms. Dash!”

Dash gave me a look, a look everyone saves for just that occasion, where the only thing in your mind is, “What?”

I shrugged, “Just, Dash then?”

She nodded slowly.

“Hey!”

I looked up to the window to see Doctor Stable leaning out of it, a rectal thermometer in one hoof and a large needle in the other.

“Get back here you two!”

“Run!” Satin yelled breaking into a sprint, well a sprint for someone that just learned how to walk.

Fluttershy and I followed close behind, Dash flew ahead of him and began leading us to god knows where.

We ran for about five minutes or so before we stopped in front of a store that appeared to be made of candy. Never have I wanted to eat spackle and whatever other building materials are used in building, but I’ll be damned if this place didn’t make me think twice about it. Dash walked in, shortly followed by Fluttershy. I shrugged and walked inside, I was greeted by the sight of a multitude of confectionary delights. I saw Dash and Fluttershy sitting next to each other in a booth, I took a seat across from them, soon followed by Satin.

“I’m going to eat this building in its entirety if I don’t get anything in my belly soon.” Satin lamented.

My stomach growled in agreement with Satin, “Sounds like a plan.”

“Hey Dashie! Hey Fluttershy! Who are your coltfriends?” An instantly recognizable, chipper voice asked.

If only...

A noticeable blush creeped on the two seated mares’ faces.

“No!” Dash spit out suddenly, “Pinkie, just no. This is the guy Fluttershy made go to the hospital, and this is his roommate that... came along for some reason.”

“Y-yeah they aren’t...” peeped Fluttershy from inside of her mane.

I smiled, “Ouch... Hey, name’s Kronos.”

“I’m sorry the thought of dating me elicits that reaction from you! I’m Satin, by the way.” Satin said, staring at Dash with a hurt look. “And this is Kevin.” He added, motioning to the plant on the table.

“But I didn’t mean...” Dash let out a defeated huff. “Sorry...”

“No, it’s fine, I understand, I’m hideous...” I stated, feigning a pained expression.

“Well no one can argue with that.” Satin responded, lightening the mood at my expense.

Prick...

[Fuck you, buddy!]

“I didn’t mean it like that silly, I just meant your new stallion friends!” Pinkie intoned as she bounced to the table.

Satin’s head fell on the table as he dramatically began, “Neeeeeed food... Haven’t eaten in foreeeeeeever... Can only speak in sentences like thisssssss...”

Man, what a bitch!

I just shook my head solemnly, my head in my hoof.

“Ahhhh poor thing, one house special coming up!” She said as she laid a hoof on Satin’s over-dramatic head.

My stomach began to growl loudly.

Pinkie giggled, “Better make that two than!”

She disappeared into the kitchen before I could protest.

“So... Fluttershy told me you showed up covered in blood. Care to explain that?” Dash said, breaking the ice.

I chuckled nervously, “Accident... Painful accident... I’d rather not go into detail.”

This earned a look of confusion and sympathy from the girls, but I think they let it slide... for now.

Ugh... not sympathy! Anything but that!

“And what about you Satin? What were you doing in the hospital?”

“Trying to leave.” Satin said lifting his head from the table. “I really don’t like hospitals.”

“I know that feeling!” Dash replied with a chuckle. “This one time, I was stuck in the hospital for almost a week. It was soooooo boring!”

“Oh yeah!? Well this one time, two pegasi helped break me and a buddy out of the hospital before we were discharged!” Satin one-upped.

“Oh yeah!? Well this one time, my friend an I broke two stallions out of the hospital before they got discharged!” Dash responded.

“Oh yeah!?! This one time at band camp-”

“No Satin! No more pissing contest! No band camp!”

He turned and gave me a sad puppy dog look, “But what about the flute?”

I glared at him before sighing, “You and that flute...”

“So Dash, why the revulsion at the aspect of dating me? I mean I thought we had a moment when you helped us escape. Me, cowering, not wanting to be dropped, and you, hugging me close, not dropping me. It was... magical.” Satin said, leaning forward with a devilish smile.

I planted my face in my hooves stifling my laughter.

Dash... did not respond. She really didn’t look like she could. Staring, slack-jawed at Satin, clearly running through his words a few times in her head before she even tried to make a comeback.

“...No.” The one word uttered slowly but with every bit of finality.

“Not into Unicorns? I can change!” Satin replied raising his shaking hooves in front of his face.

I put up a valiant fight, stifling my laughs... I really did, but the second Fluttershy started giggling, my face fell to the table in laughter. A crimson red blush appeared on Dash’s face before smacking Satin upside the head.

Satin slowly rubbed his recently bitch-slapped head, “Darlin’ we’re gonna have to work on your foreplay. That’s a bit too rough!” As soon as he finished, he broke into laughter himself.

I just continued laughing. Fluttershy’s face began to glow red, her only response was a quiet, “O-oh... my..”

The blush doubled in intensity on Dash’s face and she pointed a hoof at Satin and opened her mouth as if she were going to say something but then stopped and turned to us with a defeated face on, “Does he... ever... stop... talking?”

As my laughter ceased I merely shook my head, “Not that I’ve seen.”

Dash let loose a groan of frustration as she buried her head in her hooves.

Satin held his hooves straight up as he announced, “Satin wins! Flawless victory!”

[Fatality!]

I stared at the defeated form of Dash, “Congratulations... You broke Rainbow Dash...”

Satin frowned as he lowered his arms slowly back to the table, “Uhhhhh, damn it. Sorry Dash, you should know I’m only kidding. I’ve never been serious about anything ever. Get to know me and you’ll learn that very quickly.” He said, his voice thick with sincerity.

Dash’s head slowly rose from it’s resting place, with a gigantic troll smile on her lips, “Oh don’t worry, I’ll get you back.” She said, very confidently..

“Heh, looking forward to it!” He responded with as much bravado as she had.

The door to the kitchen opened as an overly excited Pinkie Pie bounced over to the table carrying two cupcakes on her back. She stopped in front of the table and bucked, sending the cupcakes over her head... with them landing neatly in front of Satin and I.

“Two super duper house specials!” She announced, adding, “On the house! For Dashie and Fluttershy’s new friends!” She then pulled a chair over, sat down in it, and excitedly scooted up to the table. “What brought you guys into Ponyville? Why don’t you guys have cutie marks? Why doesn’t Dashie wanna date you?”

“See I could tell Dash wasn’t the only one staring at my pretty blue flank!” Satin let out triumphantly.

I merely rolled my eyes at Satin’s idiocy, “In order, funsies, don’t know and because he’s him.”

“Pretty blue flank?” Dash repeated with a scoff. “I’ve seen better.”

“So you have been checking me out? Oh that is just fantastic!”

She merely glared at him in irritation. Satin blew a kiss at her in response before beginning on his cupcake.

I just sighed before eating my cupcake and might I just add... It was delicious! I couldn’t help but smile at the tasteful confection.

“This is, the most amazing thing. I have ever, I repeat, EVER tasted!” Satin said staring at his partly eaten cupcake, savoring the bite he had taken.

I turned to Pinkie, “For once I agree with him, this is amazing!”

Her smile grew wider at our compliments, “I’m so glad you like it! It has a super secret new ingredient! Can ya guess what it is?!?!”

Satin slowly put the cupcake down, “and that would be?” He said slowly.

I muttered a silent prayer for whoever may or may not have been harmed in the making of this cupcake... and continued eating... Don’t look at me like that! It was irresistible!

“It wouldn’t be a secret if I told you, would it?”

Satin slowly took another bite of cupcake, “...well whatever it is, this is amazing!” He said before beginning to happily chew.

“Do ya give up?” Pinkie asked tilting her head to one side.

We both nodded in agreement.

“Ya reaaaaaaaally wanna know what it is?” Again, we both nodded.

“Well,” She leaned forward, motioning to us to do the same and whispered, “It’s a secret...”

I chuckled briefly, “What’s next? Wandering around town or is there something particular ya wanna do?” I asked before returning to my cupcake.

“Place to stay? Jobs that need to be filled? Two new stallions in town, bare necessities you know.” Satin put in... off-hoofedly?

Dash looked me over and began to ponder a moment, “Well, we could always use a new pegasus on the weather team.” She turned to Satin and began to appraise him briefly, “I don’t know about you though, you don’t seem strong enough, but AJ might need some help at Sweet Apple Acres.”

Satin rolled his eyes, “No place needs a waiter or anything? No bartenders, no chefs, no master magician positions? How bout an accountant? I’m good with numbers!”

I stared at him for a moment before smiling, “A bit of hard work’ll do ya some good! Sounds like a brilliant idea, Dash.”

“I’m not a, wake up at the crack of dawn to kick trees sort of guy.” He let out pathetically. “I’ll do it if I have to, but I like to keep my options open.”

Rainbow Dash merely shook her head in shame for the lazy stallion, “Well we could ask the mayor if she needs any help then.”

Satin let loose a sigh of relief, “Thaaaaaaaaaaank you.”

The small group began to pick up their possessions (well, Kevin) and began to make their way out of the bakery. With that, our merry little group headed off on our way to town hall. All five of us stood at the entrance... All five of us?

“Pinkie... Aren’t you supposed to be working right now...?” I asked curiously.

She blinked silently for a moment before the realization dawned on her, “Oopsie! Silly me, thanks Kro-Kro! Gotta go, bye!” She said as she bounced off backed towards the bakery.

Satin chuckled a bit, “Kro-Kro... Oh that is so fantastic!”

I merely shrugged in response, “So, we waiting out here or do we need to hold your hand through it?”

I mentally kicked myself for the slip of tongue.

Satin shook a hoof at me and then stared at it for a second, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m going.” He replied as he entered the building.

After a moment, I sighed and trotted to the wall of the building, sitting against it, bored out of my wits.

Dash trotted over to me, “While he’s in there, why don’t I test you for the weather team?”

I sputtered for a moment, “I haven’t flown in a while, mind if I get back to ya after I practice a bit?”

She quirked a brow at me, “It’s the weather team... not the Wonderbolts... it’s not too hard. Whatever you’ve got should be fine.”

I began to smile nervously, “I’m reeaaallly out of practice...”

She seemed to grow a bit suspicious, “Come on, just wing it.”

I sighed as I resigned myself to my fate.

Maybe it won’t be so bad...

[It will be and you know it...]

I stood up and walked away from the building, “J-just give me a second here...”

I shrugged my coat to the ground so I could move my wings. Onto the next problem...

How do I use these things!?

I poked a few spots on my wings, attempting to get a feel for the muscles. It took all too long for me to find out how to move the muscles, proven by the glare of impatience I was getting from Dash.

Dash groaned, “Come on already, we don’t have all day!”

I sighed in frustration and nodded. I began to slowly flex my wings, occasionally giving them a weak flap.

Dash sighed again, “Sometime this century...”

My eye twitched in irritation, “Keep your panties on!”

She blushed slightly.

I grunted before flapping my wings in slow, heavy strokes. I began to slowly ascend from the ground... which WOULD have been fantastic had I had any idea what in the hell I was doing... I stopped my ascent when I was just above the rooftops.

Man, it would reeaally suck to fall right now...

[Murphey’s law goddamn it!]

...Thank you for the reminder, random voice in my head...

[Don’t mention it.]

I hadn’t noticed Dash fly up next to me, “About time you got off the ground, fly-boy!”

I glared at the nuisance for a moment before nodding.

“Okay, let’s see how fast you can fly.”

I internally groaned, This can’t end well.

Thank you again, for the moral support!

<...>

I began tilting my wings and alternating how I flapped, getting a bearing on, you know, BASIC MOVEMENT! After a moment, I began to fly forward, slowly at first, but I began to quickly accelerate. Dash flew at my side, looking relatively unimpressed.

She began to shout over the wild blasting in my ears, “Come on, you can do better than this!”

I continued to accelerate, faster and faster, until I could feel my wings burning with exertion. Dash seemed to regard me curiously, I saw a bead of sweat roll over her face as she kept up with me. I saw her turn away from me, I looked ahead of me to see I had descended a fair bit and was a short ways away from colliding with a particularly tall house. I angled my wings, attempting to turn, causing me to corkscrew down, sliding on the ground, leaving a trail in the dirt before I stopped, an inch from the building.

I rolled over with a groan, “I saw that coming.”

I saw Dash land next to me, holding out a hoof, “That looked like it hurt, you okay?”

I grabbed her hoof and pulled myself up before looking down at myself, “Bangs and scratches, no big deal.”

She looked me up and down curiously, “You went pretty fast, no match for me of course, but you seem able enough for the work. Though you might want to practice a bit... or a lot...”

I rolled my eyes and trotted back towards town hall, “Thanks... let’s head back.”

She flew upside-down lazily behind me as I trotted back. When we got there, Satin was already out chatting happily with Fluttershy... A little too happily... I may have to amend that...

“So you take care of all of those animals by yourself? That’s amazing! That sounds like so much work for just one mare.”

“It’s really not all that much work...”

“Oh you’re just being modest!” Satin replied enthusiastically.

I smirked, “Probably, and it’s quite adorable, might I add.”

Satin just nodded in agreement, causing Fluttershy to blush profusely.

I trotted over to my coat and tossed it over my shoulders again, “...And that makes it even cuter. So, how’d it go, Cloth Lord?”

A big smile appeared on his face, “There was a job listing to work at...” He checked a piece of parchment, “The Lazy Stable. It’s a pub or something, which means... ALCOHOL!” He exclaimed as he threw his hooves up in excitement.

Oh, well shit, that’s convenient.

I chuckled a bit at his antics, “The lazy stallion working at The Lazy Stable... It fits so well...”

Dash smirked and nodded in agreement.

“I hope it’s a good fit! Can we run over there real quick? “ He asked the girls with giant puppy dog eyes.

I shook my head and sighed, “Cut it out, you’re not cute.”

He chuckled in response, “HEY! I am not cute, I’m adorable! Well fine what do YOU wanna do?”

“No, that’s perfectly fine, you’re just not allowed to make puppy eyes.”

The puppy dog eyes immediately came back out, “But why!??!?!”

There was utter silence for a brief moment before the sound of hoof meeting face echoed around us.

I groaned as I dragged my hoof down my face, “So, bar, wanna come with us? ...Please don’t leave me alone with him.”

The girls exchanged a quick look before laughing at my grief... or in Fluttershy’s case quietly giggling into her hoof. After a short while, Dash’s cruel laughter ceased and the girls agreed, so off to the bar we went.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was... simple. Yeah, thats the word for it. I guess the best way to describe it would be a country bar back home. At least it looked that way from the outside, on the inside it was your typical bar, except built for ponies. It was dimly lit with clean, wooden walls. There was a short-standing bar against the far wall with a grisly old stallion behind it, cleaning a glass with a rag. There were a number of tables placed around the room as well as a few outside. Instead of stools or chairs, glossy pillows were laid out on the floor, but the thing that should truly be noticed was the alcohol. That old ‘liqueur placed on shelves behind the bar thing’ that every bar in America does only works when you have fingers and can reach up that far. Their selection had been turned upside down and had tubes connected to the top to dispensers at the bottom. It was... a series of tubes.

Satin took no time at all to take this in, get comfortable, and then verbally abuse the poor old pegasus barkeep.

“Hey! A little birdy told me you have a job opening for somepony like me!” Satin exclaimed directly in his face.

His gaze lifted from the glass he was cleaning as he gave Satin a once over, “My name’s Bacchus, if ya wanted to know.” He responded indignantly, “Ya seem personable enough, but why wouldja wanna work for me?”

A wide smile appeared on his face, “Well!” He began in on a excited exposition.

I walked out the door.

Nope, enough Satin for now... fuck, now what?

I sat down, off to the side of the door while I thought.

[You’re in Ponyville, and don’t know what to do? Shameful...]

Oh great, the voice is back.

Plural? Fan-fucking-tastic. To what do I owe the “pleasure”?

[Hell if I know.]

...Lovely. You two have names or should I just keep referring to you as, “the voices in my head”?

I heard them chuckle before responding. Contrary to popular belief, hearing voices, that sound like yourself, laughing in your head, is creepy as hell.

[Hmmm... Atlas.]

...And I can differentiate between you two, how?

There was a brief silence before I heard a voice off to my right, not like before, it sounded more... tangible.

I turned to the voice to see a small black stallion, sitting on my shoulder. He was only a few inches tall.

Great, a few days in Equestria and I go mad...

[Sucks to be you, don’t it?]

I looked to my left to see a similarly, black stallion, with a smug grin on his face.

I’m in Equestria, I may be mad, but no matter how you look at it, I still win!

[Beef jerky, and bacon...]

...Fuck you, every which way.

[Buy me dinner first.]

Quiet you...

I snapped back to reality as something began poking my shoulder.

“I-is he okay?” A shy, feminine voice asked worriedly.

I was waiting for something wasn’t I?

“I dunno, he’s been like that for awhile...” Responded, a more tomboyish voice.

Oh, shit!

I looked up at the two of them.

I chuckled nervously, “Heh... Sorry about that, was kinda out of it.”

I turned to see Satin with his typical, overly-wide grin.

“So you got the job?” I asked already knowing the answer.

“Oh come on, was there ever any doubt? Imma be waitin’ tables as well as filling in at the bar if they ever need it. Apparently I know my way around alcohol.” He replied as if that was some kind of achievement.

[SCRUB!]

...Agreed.

I nodded to myself for a moment, “Fantastic,” I turned to the girls, “What’s there to do for fun around here?”

“I usually train for the Wonderbolts! Gotta practice to stay the fastest in Equestria!” Rainbow answered rather enthusiastically.

I turned to Fluttershy, “What about you Flutters?”

She scuffed a forehoof at the ground a bit, “I usually just take care of the animals.”

My ears perked up involuntarily, “What kinds of animals?”

“Oh, just the smaller woodland critters, bunnies, squirrels, and birds.”

“I love animals,” I sighed briefly, “Though I do need to practice flying...”

“I don’t, but I guess I was never really cut out to be a Wonderbolt...” Satin added in voice of fake forlorn. He began again, “but fun and games, as much as I hate to say this, take the backseat. I’m still homeless!” He melodramatically threw his forehooves out melodramatically.

Yeah...

[He’s still a fuck-o]

Yeah...

I sighed briefly, “Oh yeah, almost forgot about that.”

Satin rolled his eyes and muttered to himself, “Not much of a big picture kind of guy.”

I merely shrugged, “Worst case scenario, I bum it on a cloud, do you have any idea how comfy that is!?”

“No, sadly my cloudwalking spell is non-existant and I haven’t been able to teleport at all. Thanks for reminding me.” Satin threw back.

“You’re welcome, so, back to the problem at ha... err... hoof, what should we do about it?

Satin exhaled defeatedly, “Not a single bit to my name, how forgiving do ya think a landlord would be on the rent? I have a job, maybe they’ll let us pay after my first paycheck?”

My head fell slightly, “Oh, how the mighty have fallen.”

[Mighty, my flank!]

Atlas...

[Yes, Kronos?]

Quiet...

[No fun.]

“Hmmm... and I still need a job, at least until I can fly better...” I turned to the girls, “Hey, you think Pinkie would need any help? I used to work at a bakery.”

Dash put a hoof to her chin in thought, “She might, the Cakes have been a bit busy with Pumpkin and Pound lately.”

“Sweet, that’s one problem solved, err... maybe. Shall we go?” I asked excitedly.

Dash nodded, “Sure, I need to get to work soon though, we gotta clear up a storm heading down here.”

I nodded, “‘Kay, thanks for showing us around.”

She grinned, “No problem,” She leaned over to Fluttershy before adding, “keep your eye on him...” staring directly at Satin.

“But Daaaash, I promise to only cause my allotted amount of trouble!” Satin said with his shit eating grin.

I sighed, “Satin...”

“Yes, Kro-kro?” He tilted his head ever so slightly.

“Stop talking...” I said, flatly.

“Ha! No!”

I held up a hoof, exposing the back of it towards him, before staring sadly back at it.

I don’t have a middle finger anymore...

[NOOOOO!!!!!]

“Alrighty, now what direction are these apartments, hotels, or houses for rent. I’m tired of carrying Kevin, he doesn’t need to see more of Ponyville.” He grabbed the potted plant off of his back and made it nod in agreement.

...And all this time, I thought I was the crazy one...

Touche, Coeus, touche...

I turned to Fluttershy, “Can you show us where the apartments are after we go back to Sugarcube Corner?”

Fluttershy nodded and we began our trek back to the purveyor of confectionary delights, known as Pinkamena “Pinkie” Diane Pie.

Bonus: Escape From Ponyville General

~Linger~

Escape From Ponyville General

“Yeah, I’m good. I hate being in a hospital. I’d really like to leave, like, right now.” Satin said, rubbing his hooves together, “Here’s the plan, now that we have you girls as a resource. You guys need to create some sort of distraction. I’m thinking something big, a medical mishap. It needs to be flashy though, but no fires. Then me and Kro will make our daring escape, disguised as nurses. I don’t know where we’ll get the outfits, but we’ll figure that out on the fly.” There was a stunned silence for a few moments after Satin stopped.

It... It’s GENIUS!

Rainbow Dash began to psych herself up for the catastrophe she would soon create before...

“O-or we could jump out the window... If you want to...”

Well... The fun of escaping is dead now.

“But... where’s the fun in that?” I asked, downtrodden.

“There is no fun in that! As stallions, we must go out of our way to have the most possible fun and with that I crush your weak argument!” Satin exclaimed as he collected Kevin.

Fluttershy looked towards the ground sadly, “O-okay.”

I raised my head, a look of utter determination on my face, “Sorry, Flutters, but this is happening!”

Satin looked down at his forehoof and grinned, “Synchronize your watches, girls.”

I looked down at my left forehoof to see a black watch, “I have a watch?”

Fluttershy and Dash wore similar looks of confusion as they stared at their own watches.

Satin glared at me for a moment, “Don’t question it. On my mark!”

With that, he began counting down, as he hit zero, four simultaneous beeps were heard as our watches synchronized.

“Right then RD, the first part of the plan is in your hooves.” As she turned, he grabbed the edge of her silver trench coat, “And remember, flashy but not dangerous.” She smiled as she nodded in approval before leaving the room.

Wait, when did she get a trench coat... WHEN DID I GET A TRENCH COAT!?

In place of my chef’s coat was a pure white trench coat.

“I can see you questioning it, stop it. Now second order of business, strip.” Satin said as he took off his own black trench, leaving on his pair of sunglasses.

Sunglasses? But where did, oh buck it...

I shrugged and yanked off my trench coat by the neck, flourishing it off to the side.

Fluttershy turned a crimson red as we both undressed in her general vicinity and then she slowly began to take off her hot pink trench too.

“You know you don’t necessarily have to take off your coat, we’re only doing it so we can disguise ourselves as nurses, doctors, or whatever other costumes we can find later on.” Satin says as he finished disrobing.

“Did you just convince her to keep clothing on? Didn’t know you swung that way, buddy.” I whispered to him.

“Right, nevermind. Take it off.” He quickly added.

Satin threw himself against the wall next to the door as he carefully spied out of it and motioned Fluttershy and I forward.

I slid into cover behind the opposite wall, and Fluttershy followed suit behind me. "So, how’ll we know when to go?”

As I spoke those words, a pair of nurses ran by our door, yelling, “There’s a fire in the cafeteria!”

Satin facehoofed... hard, “I told that mare, nothing dangerous!” He hissed through gritted teeth.

I chuckled half-heartedly, “At least she’s excited? Come on, let’s check the nurses’ station for those uniforms!”

We pushed forward against the wave of ponies trying to help with the ‘fire’. Making it to the nurses station without too much trouble.

It was completely abandoned, everything was going according to plan... We opened the cabinet that was supposed to hold the uniforms and... there was only one left.

Satin glared at me before raising his hoof expectantly.

I cocked a brow, “What?”

He rolled his eyes as if it were obvious, “Rock, paper, scissors!”

I was at a loss for words for a moment, “That’s... not even possible anymore...”

He stared at his hooves for a moment as he meaningfully closed his eyes, “Fine, but turn around while I put it on.” He said defeatedly.

I chuckled teasingly, “Fine, be quick about it.”

“Fluttershy! Keep guard as I put this skirt on!” Satin ordered from behind my back. She saluted as she took a defensive stance. “Right then, we need a different disguise for your unattractive black flank. What comes to mind, just grab a wheelchair, quick and easy, but effective.”

I saw a doctor’s coat hanging on a hook off to the side, and threw it over my shoulders, “Buck you, I got a PhD!”

Fluttershy looked at me, awestruck, “Really?”

I chuckled briefly, “Buck no, I’ve just always wanted to wear a doctor’s coat!”

Satin appeared in my field of vision, fully attired in a nurses outfit; hat, coat, and skirt.

“Right then, Dash is expecting us in the lobby in,” He checked his watch, “A minute ago. We need to go.”

“When did we set...” I started, only to be interrupted Satin.

“You’d know if you had paid attention!” He threw back as we made our way to the stairs. We were nearly there as three of the largest orderlies I had ever seen stepped in our path and the music began to play.

The world seemed to fade into a pixely darkness before fading back in, I was in the center of the hall, Fluttershy at my left, Satin to my right. The orderlies stood roughly fifteen feet away from us, side-by-side.

I took the first move, rushing towards the right-most orderly as I screamed my battle cry, "IN THE NAME OF MEANINGLESS BATTLE!". As I closed in on him, I spun on my fore-hooves and lashed out with my rear-hooves, landing a square hit on his face before rushing back to my team.

Fluttershy went next, throwing a red orb to the ground and stomping on it, causing a small green smokescreen to materialize around her hoof. As the smoke dissipated the sound of clawed feet began echoing down the halls, before I could turn around. Angel rushed by me, riding atop a large long-legged yellow bird. The bird jumped over the center orderly pecking down at his head before landing and kicking him in the flank before running away again. The orderly fell to the ground, a deep whooshing of air was heard as he disappeared into nothing.

Next were the orderlies, they both charged towards Satin, one jumped on his head and over him as the other uppercutted him, lifting him off the ground as the other bucked him back down. Both rushed back away from us as Satin fell to his knees in pain. Satin took a step forward as his horn ignited with a white aura, tinged green. There was a brief glow of light around him as he stood back to his feet with a grin.

“Nobody fucks with the white mage!” He announced confidently.

I took my run at the orderly I had attacked previously, sweeping my rear hoof under his, dropping him to the ground before I jumped back, elbowing him in the face. He fell to the ground and disappeared as I ran back to my spot. Next, Fluttershy ran by me, before delivering a quick kick to Satin’s shins and returning to her spot. I stared at her, astonished for a moment.

“Ow, why?!?!?!” Satin shouted in pain.

“S-sorry, I selected the wrong target...”

He murmured, “Bucking scrub...” as he turned back to the remaining orderly.

The orderly charged me, I jumped to the side, instinctually, as he tried to buck me in the chest. I heard him grumble something about poor accuracy as he galloped back to his position.

“Heh heh heh, I was saving this for you, you waste of Mana!” Satin’s horn glowed white again as the orderly, surrounded by an aura and lifted into the air as his body contorted into something different... something smaller.

I grinned evilly and charged him, grabbing his mane in my teeth and throwing him into the air, before turning to buck him out of the air I heard Fluttershy shout, “NO, he’s just a colt!” The interruption distracted me, causing me to miss him completely. I groaned as I returned next to Fluttershy, who waited, not doing anything.

The colt-sized orderly took advantage of this and galloped over to her before jumping on her back, ripping and biting at her mane. She shrieked as she threw him back to his place, glaring with the fury only she could hold. She stomped on another red orb causing the ground to split under the orderly. He was yanked into the ground by a flaming, horned dog whose growl spoke of his sinister plans for the poor little colt-stallion. As he was taken, screaming into the pits of Tartarus, where surely his soul would be devoured from his very body, the ground sealed itself, returning to its original state.

We both stared, terrified, at Fluttershy as the happy victory music played in the background and we both swore to never, ever, EVER piss her off... ever.

We collected our loot, some bits and a couple of weak healing potions, as we hurried down the stairs. We were late, and that battle really didn’t help our situation.

We burst through the doors to the lobby, only to find RD in the clutches of our greatest enemy, Doctor Stable.

“Planning to escape I see!” His thick Trottingham finally bleeding through. He nonchalantly threw RD’s unconscious body towards us by the collar of her trench coat.

He began to give a slow clap, “Bravo, your plan was nearly flawless, I daresay you’d have escaped had she been a bit faster. Oh, and please don’t concede, it has been ages since I’ve had the chance to let loose.” He began to chuckle that ominous chuckle as the world slowly broke away into blackness, reconfiguring us into battle position, as sinister music began to play.

I saw Satin standing on my right, but in Fluttershy’s place at my left side, was the unconscious form of Rainbow Dash. He began cackling maliciously as he began floating into the air. He ceased his ascent as four wings materialized and unfolded from behind his back, firing beams of light into the sky. The beams began to arc down bombarding us with explosions of light. Satin and I crouched to the ground, too weak to stand.

Satin began charging holy magic into his horn, releasing it on Dash. She stood up and glared at the doctor angrily before charging him. She jumped at him, preparing to uppercut him, her hoof shrouded in pure energy. As she closed in, she extended her hoof and made the connection square in the... Oh, Luna, WHY!? He fell to the ground, holding... himself, as he screamed. He began to slowly disappear, coins flying out of him, scattering in every direction.

“I wanted to win... just not in this way... never in this way.” Satin said flatly with tears in his eyes.

“...I pity him more than the colt-stallion Fluttershy had dragged into tartarus... That was horrible!” I added, solemnly.

A deep, booming voice began to speak as we walked out of the hospital, “And with that, our heroes had escaped from the soul crushing torture that was waiting to be discharged from the hospital. Who knows what fate has in store for them, next time on Linger.”

A/N: I'm so sorry... I'm so very sorry... Leave a comment below if you wish. I'm curious to see some of the reactions, personally I found this hysterical.