You’d probably think I had my fill of pranks after the whole town faked a zombie apocalypse to teach me a lesson.
For a while I did go cold turkey. I was so out of the prank biz, I didn’t even see one of the most obvious pranks ever, when I was the one being pranked.
It was around the time I started teaching at Twilight’s school. I was the cool teacher, the one they all looked up to. Maybe that’s why a certain Griffin wanted to knock me down a peg.
I remember that day like it was yesterday. I opened the door to my eight o’clock class, and no a bucket didn’t fall on my head. I made my way to the desk, and no there wasn’t a banana peel on the floor. I sit down, and no it wasn’t a whoopee cushion. I opened a jar of peanut brittle, and there weren’t any spring loaded rubber snakes. Finally I start writing on the chalkboard.
A few students complain that I write too fast, that I’m erasing the old notes before they can finish copying. I was actually good that day. I still wrote fast, but I gave every pony, they weren’t ponies, I gave them all time to finish before I started erasing.
I ran the eraser back and forth across the board, fast like I always do. There are a few giggles. I figure it’s just the girls passing notes. I can let that slide once, I’m the cool teacher after all. I continue erasing. Then I pick up the chalk to start writing again, only the board isn’t clear.
My old notes were still there. Now the students are laughing. Like an amateur, I pick up the eraser and try again. I do it again and again. I press harder into the board.
Now the whole class is roaring. At last I decide to smell the eraser. Gallus the Griffin, coated it with some sort of lacquer. It smelled a little like that green stuff changelings spit up. I know it’s Gallus because he’s actually pounding his desk and chanting, “I got you, I got you good.”
I turn around. The students actually gasp a bit. I must have really let it get to me, cause with one dirty look, suddenly its like I’m not the cool teacher anymore.
Most teachers would say detention, or go to the principals office. Not me, I look at him, starring ice daggers at the kid, and you know what I say, I say: “It’s on.”
Starlight Glimmer sat at her desk and wrote something in her notebook. Twilight just kept looking at me with a sad face. She was taking this way too personally.
“So that’s why you started a prank war with one of your students.”
“Didn’t you listen to anything I just told you. He started it.”
“Seriously, is that your defence. Gallus has fleas now. We might have to shave him to prevent an outbreak; and as I understand it, that’s just the latest in a chain of pranks you’ve been pulling on one another.”
“Aw c’mon, the kid loves it.”
“He doesn’t love having fleas.”
“Hey, he clipped the feathers of just one of my wings while I was taking a nap. Even with Zecora’s feather growth potion, I couldn’t fly for three days. That’s three days of missed training for a star athlete.”
“So are you recommending I punish the student as well?”
“Nah, we’re square. I did give him fleas.”
At this point I was a bit worried.
Starlight started searching for something in her office closet, so Twilight took over. “We discussed how to deal with your behaviour.”
Starlight pulled our a black box and placed it on the desk. Twilight continued. “Traditional punishments and reprimands have not worked in the past, and as you say, the students love you, and we’d hate for your potential to be squandered, because of one problem we can’t seem to resolve.”
“That’s why I recommended a somewhat unorthodox solution.” Starlight finished.
I eyed the box suspiciously. “Are you talking about mind control?” Starlight seemed a bit unnerved when I said that.
“Maybe, sorta, how’d you guess?”
“It’s your goto thing, it’s what you’re known for.”
“What - No it’s not!”
“It totally is.”
Starlight pulled a string, and the box unravelled to reveal a funny looking device. It looked like it had been cobbled together from a mishmash of parts. It had a piano metronome in the front, a rainbow kaleidoscope with the lenses reversed and a candle facing one lens in order to project the colours outward. There was a hand crank and a system of gears that operated the hammers on a xylophone, and it had an egg beater attached for some reason.
The gadget was clearly meant as a hypnosis tool.
“Hold on, you can’t make me do this, whatever it is.” I was shaking my hooves at the idea.
“I won’t do it without your consent. Also, we’re not going to alter you personality. Twilight was very firm on that point.”
Twilight nodded.
“So what will this do,” I asked.
“The machine is just to put you in a trance, I’ll do most of the work by reading a script which me and Twilight have prepared together. The goal is to give you a tulpa.”
“You want to give me flowers?”
“No, not tulips,” Starlight corrected, “a tulpa.”
“You want to give me a wig?”
“No, it’s not a toupee either.”
”it’s a companion created by mental powers who exists in your mind yet can think independently of you.”
“Okay, now that you explain it that way, IT SOUNDS LIKE A HORRIBLE IDEA!”
Twilight and Starlight both looked at one another, as though surprised by my reaction.
“This tulpa,” Twilight continued, “will be dormant until she’s needed or called upon, but she’ll also pop up whenever you’re about to misbehave. She’ll be like you own personal Jiminy Cricket.”
“A voice in my head, no thanks.”
“You’ll still have privacy. We’ll put safeties into the induction script. Also, to sweeten the deal, she’ll do other things, she’ll learn foreign languages and be your translator, you can lend her your body for mundane tasks, as long as you’re a little friendly with her she’ll delight in solving problems and pleasing you.”
“Look, bottom line, the students families have heard about the pranking. Gallus’ Grandpa actually laughed when he heard about the fleas, but the Yaks and Changellings are outraged. I think this is the only way we can keep you on as a teacher.”
“So, is this permanent.”
“Well, it can be, but you might also grow out of it, like a foals imaginary friend.”
“Have you ever done this before.”
“Not exactly, Pinkie seems to have a natural tulpa. She perceives it as a tall white rabbit named Harvey.”
I wasn’t to keen on the idea, but I eventually relented. I didn’t want to let my students down.
They gave me the induction script to read over and approve, but that was like twelve pages, so we just got into it. In retrospect I probably should have read that script, because I don’t remember a thing after Starlight turned on her makeshift hypnotic doohickey. There were lights and sounds then it was like falling asleep. For what was to come, you’d thing this would have been a bigger deal.
When I woke up, they told me it was done and the tulpa would probably manifest soon. Twilight gave me a glass of water, and I left the office.
On the way out, I met Gallus. He apologized for getting me in trouble.
“I’m so sorry, I thought we were having fun, being like friends even, and it just got out of hand. Now my family is disappointed, and I don’t know if I can stay in school or not.”
The kid was on the verge of tears, I promised him everything would be okay, we hugged even. Then I remembered the fleas. He got me.
Later I did a little flying, and was lying down for a quick nap. I saw this little wisp of light, fluttering around me.
What is that?, I wondered, it’s like a breezie, and probably because I thought that it became so. She looked just like me that one time Twilight turned us all into breezies. I was totally the cutest one, not that it’s a contest, though I was.
She had insect wings with a complicated pattern of every colour in the rainbow. It kinda reminded me of the kaleidoscope on Starlights hypnotic doohickey.
“Hello,” she said, sounding a little shy.
“Hi,” I answered. “Do you have a name.”
“Well, your Dash right? I was thinking Dot, like Dashes and Dots; or maybe Dance like Dasher and Dancer. I guess that’s kinda lame.” She turned her head blushing.
“Nah, either works.”
“Really, which do you like best.”
I thought about it. “Dot, I guess. Maybe Dotty as a nickname, even though it’s longer then Dot.”
She did loops in the air, happy to suddenly have her own name. I had to admit this thing was kinda cute.
“So can anyone else see you?”
“I don’t think so.”
“So you’re gonna pop up and nag me whenever I’m about to prank someone.” Maybe I was a little too abrupt with her.
“I guess I’m supposed to.” Weird thing, right from the start she didn’t seem to certain about it.
Anyway, I started scratching the fur on my neck with one of my hind legs. The fleas were starting already.
Dot knows what’s going on.
“Hey maybe you can drown them with some scuba diving, or fly high so they don’t get much oxygen, or I know, do a sonic Rainboom and blast those fleas off.”
I decided to give the last one a try. Dot is so happy, she watches and cheers louder then Scootaloo, starts telling me how awesome I am.
Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.
In the days that followed, Gallus was constantly looking over his shoulder.
Up till then we’d been taking turns, I get him, he tries to get me. He knew it was my turn. The kid seemed a little disappointed when nothing came his way.
Truth is I didn’t really try to prank him for a while. I thought maybe I’d pull something on Pinkie, just to see if I could still prank. Pinkie loves being pranked.
I got a cast of Gummy’s mouth, Gummy is her pet Alligator, by the way. I got a cast by tickling the gators chin until he opened wide and getting to bite on this pliable thing the dentist gave me. Then I had the joke shop whip up a pair of gator dentures. The teeth weren’t sharp, though they looked like they were.
The hard part was trying to train the gator so it’d smile once, then start chasing Pinkie.
I was standing by the expressionless animal, pointing at pictures of Pinkie, and saying things like go get her, and making growly noises.
After twenty minutes of attempted training, Gummy blinked once.
“I have a suggestion.”
I jumped like four feet in the air. “Who said that?”
I turn around, and there’s Dot. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!”
She apologized, blinking with her innocent little doe eyes.
“You here to tell me I shouldn’t prank Pinkie.”
“Actually…”
That afternoon, Pinkie came home from her grocery shopping. She’d met me on the way, and I’d given her a little something. She told me I was so thoughtful.
When she opened the door to her apartment, she stepped forward and loudly announced, “Oh Gummy, I have your favourite treat.” Proudly she held up a package of minced whatever it is alligators love to eat. If it’s turtle then I guess I just won’t mention that to Tank.
The Alligator looked at her expressionless for a moment, then it smiled a big toothy grin.
Pinkie gulped.
Suddenly the creature began running toward her, mouth wide open. Pinkie dropped the treats and galloped in the other direction.
I rolled on the carpet laughing. When I was done, Gummy was chewing on my tail with is harmless wax dentures. Dot was laughing louder then me.
“Hey, I thought you were supposed to hate pranks.”
“I dunno, maybe. I think I zoned out at that part of the hypnotic induction script. Twilight made it way too long, and it read like a legal document or something.”
I eyed her suspiciously, then we both started laughing together.
Of course having Dot around didn’t always add to the fun.
True she never really nagged me about pranking, aside from repeating Applejacks old line that pranking Fluttershy is just lazy. She did, however, always want more to do. So when we needed a volunteer to teach ballet, yeah apparently we have a ballet classes, I found myself raising a hoof to volunteer during the teachers meeting.
I tried to pull the hoof back down with my other hoof, but she had total control of it. I guess she didn’t listen when Twilight read the safeties in her induction script. Rarity or Pinkie might have volunteered too, if they weren’t so amused by the spectacle.
Twilight asked, “Is everything okay?”
“Of course it is. I’m just volunteering because I really love ballet.” I said this while biting my own front leg to try and pull my hoof down. As usual Twilight was dense when it came to sarcasm. She even invited me to go see the Nutcracker next Hearth’s Warming.
The next day, I made my way into the schools dance studio, and took off my coat, scarf and toque. It was a blistery winter day, but that’s not why I was covered up so.
Dot had me wearing leg warmers, a pink halter, and a polyester headband, though thankfully no tutu. I looked like a pony in an 80’s dance into shape video. Already in the class, doing warm-up stretches, were Ocellus, Smolder, and Silverstream.
While helping her with her stretch, smoulder told me she was just there to give support to nervous little Ocellus. She said, “I’d never do anything as lame a ballet on my own.”
When I helped Silverstream with her stretch, she told me, “Smolder won’t admit it, but she loves ballet. Me and Ocellus only came to encourage her.”
Ocellus studied the screenplay, all diligent like, and then turned to me, “I’m a little confused about the script. Odette turns into a swan, I can do that, but then I have to dance with an evil twin. Shouldn’t someone else be Odette, so I can transform into her twin? And if we do that, then who else can turn into a swan?”
I laughed nervously, my way of showing I had no idea what she was talking about. Thankfully Dot took over. “Traditionally the transformation is shown metaphorically, through the dance. I do like you ideas though. I’ll consider them, though this is just the first class, and I can’t give you the lead role just yet.” She gave a little wink, or I did. Dot was controlling my body, I guess.
We do stretches for a bit and I’m thinking, ‘This isn’t so bad, it’s like the warm-ups before a show. Wonderbolts are a kinda performer, so maybe ballet isn’t so weird after all.’
Pretty soon I’m actually having fun. Or perhaps I should say Dots having fun. She’s wowing the gals with moves, and I have no idea where she even learned them. My body does a grande jete, a triple fouette, and the developpe. Later, I had to ask Dotty what those moves even were.
The girls got really into it. Silverstream was clapping her hooves, and chanting “Allegretto,” and I, I mean Dot, moved into the fast Allegretto tempo.
Then Smoulder chanted, “Allegro.” I moved even faster.
Wanting to play along, Occellus called out “Adagio.”
I stopped in my tracks and looked around. “Adagio, where?”
Ocellus was referring to the tempo, not the villain.
About that time I noticed something. Gallus had wiped snow from the window, to stick out his tongue at us. I stuck mine out, right back at him. I tried to egg him into flying in closer, thinking maybe his tongue would get frozen to the glass.
Gallus then stepped back and pointed towards a tree in the schools courtyard. I wondered why he was pointing there. The girls all approached the window to look.
“Oh no!” Ocellus sighed.
“That jerk!” declared Smoulder.
Gallus had apparently snuck in and raided the lockers. All our regular clothes were strung to a tree, and we only had ballet outfits to wear.
“That rat. He’s forcing us to go outside in sweaty ballet outfits. My ensemble was bad enough, looking like the 80’s had barfed on me, but the girls were wearing tutu’s actual freaking tutu’s.”
“You know, we could just go outside naked.”
“No way, it’s 35 below outside.”
“Hey we joined the damn club. Ponies were gonna see us in tutu’s anyway.”
“I’m doing it, Smoulder declared,” while removing her tutu.
“Let me do it.” Said Silverstream. “I don’t mind wearing a tutu outside. In fact, give me all your clothes and I’ll bundle up.”
The next day we were in a disciplinary meeting. Don’t look at me, I didn’t snitch. Anyway, we’re discussing how to handle Gallus’ behaviour. Pinkie is telling me about this guy she knows, and his gag factory when Applejack interrupts.
“We’re going to punish him, not Prank him!” She declares.
“Aw c’mon, just a little prank, it’ll help the kid understand how it feels. We’re a friendship school, isn’t that like a good lesson in… uh…” Dot whispers the word ‘Empathy’ into my ear. “Empathy.”
“Darling, I’m afraid Gallus’ lessons may have come to an end.” Rarity spoke ominously.
“What’s that mean?” I asked.
“Gallus’ may need to be expelled.” Applejack sounded regretful, yet still spike matter of factly.
“You’ll expel him just for a prank.”
“It’s not just a prank.” Rarity cut in again. “Stealing girls clothing falls under sexual misconduct. It’s a far greater offence.”
“Oh come on! Gallus was just pranking, his motives weren’t anything like that.”
“I know, but rules are rules.”
“Where’s Twilight!” I demanded to know. Why isn’t she here?”
“Twilight and Starlight both got called off on a friendship mission yesterday.”
“Shouldn’t we wait and…”
“The rules are clear, and they go over even Twilight’s authority.”
I begged Applejack to reconsider. This was partly my fault, I admit, as a teacher I wasn’t the best influence.
Pinkie took out a rule book. Her and Fluttershy seemed to be on my side. After pouring over the rules for a few minutes, Fluttershy gave me a sad nod. The sexual harassment policy was set in stone.
Pinkie, however, turned to a whole other section of the book, and pointed a passage out to me.
“I invoke rule 27.”
“I approve, you may take recess to prepare arguments in Galus’ defence.”
“Wait, that’s it!”
“Yup, rule 27 is your right to call that recess.” Applejack explained.
Pinkie shrugged.
I was a mad at AJ and Rarity. They acted like Gallus deserved this. At least Pinkie and Fluttershy were trying to help.
I stepped out of the office, for some air. The students were all waiting outside. Even the ones who were pranked begged me not to let Gallus get expelled. I told them I was doing my best, and flew off. Once alone, I called for Dot.
“Hey pipsqueak,” I called. “You got any idea’s.”
There was no answer for a while. Maybe I finally grew out of having imaginary friends.
I flew a little longer, feeling like I’d screwed up, feeling like I was helpless.
“One idea,” came a meek voice.
I saw a wisp of light. Soon my little Breezie tulpa buddy appeared. She started flying ahead of me. She must be a product of my mind to be going faster then I can.
Dot led me to Starlights office. She knew where a spare key was hidden. Someday I’ll have to ask how she learns these things.
She went into the closet, or rather I did, and grabbed it.
“Is this what I think it is?” I starred at Dot.
“It’s the hypno-doohickey!” Dot flipped in the air. She was giddy, cheerful even, confident in the answer she was offering.
I thought for a moment, then put my hooves on my hips, and looked her in the eye.
“I’m starting to think you’re a bad influence on me!”
Author's Note
This was going to be a prelude, but the length got away from me. I doubt the next chapter is even going to be as long.
The Punishment Is What? ***Warning contains induction script***
The Punishment Is What? ***Warning contains induction script***
We grabbed a projector that Twilight uses to give presentations, then gutted it until there was just a hollow casing. At first Starlights hypnosis doohickey didn’t seem to fit inside the projector casing, and I thought we’d done all this for nothing. Dot figured out that we could reposition the egg beater, and still have the machine work the same way.
“Remember Rainbow Dash, you have to be wearing polarized lenses when you use the machine. Normal sunglasses won’t keep you from getting hypnotized.”
“I know, I know.”
Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie, and Fluttershy all agreed to meet us in one of the school auditoriums. I told them I had an awesome presentation that would totally convince them not to expel Gallus. Which I guess is true.
“I don’t see why you couldn’t a’ done your presentation in the teachers lounge.” Applejack complained.
“Darling, I think I know what you’re attempting, and I’m sorry to tell you it will not work.”
Gotta admit, when she said that, I sweated a bit. “What do you think I’m trying to do Rarity?”
“Well, it’s obvious, making a slideshow presentation to appeal against Gallus being expelled. You’re trying to use sentimentality as a defence.”
I did not know how to respond to that, (mostly because Rarity was completely wrong).
Rarity, who was usually very well spoken, seemed to have trouble finding the right words. “I know it’s quite easy to think of Applejack as the villain in this situation, and her defence to that would be that she’s only following the rules, which I know you also hate. Remember, Gallus is our student too, and she will not be happy if he is expelled.”
This was getting real. I didn’t know if I could go through with it. I asked for one more minute.
“Take all the time you need, sugar-cube.”
I stood outside the auditorium, and waited. In a moment Dot appeared before me. It wasn’t the usual flash she’s there, her appearance was more of a slow fade in.
“You still want to go through with it?” Dotty asked.
Dot sounded scared. I guess this was getting real for her to. Or maybe I was just talking to myself after all.
I thought for a moment. I didn’t even talk to Dot. She probably knows what I think anyway, though I’m not entirely clear on that. Wouldn’t it be better if everyone just forgot this whole mess. What Galus did wasn’t worth him getting expelled over, it was just a prank. Ponies weren’t so uptight when I was a filly. If what Rarity said was true then AJ’s gonna feel bad whether he’s expelled or not. Maybe I should just make her feel better.
I opened the door to the auditorium. I walked down the stairs, put on my polarized lenses, and I turned on the projector.
A kaleidoscope of colors appeared on a screen.
Of course it wasn’t as simple as flip a switch and everyone’s hypnotized, though maybe Fluttershy was. AJ saw the screen and spoke out during my presentation.
“What in tarnation is this supposed to be. Are you seriously trying to hypnotize us?”
I motioned for Dot to step in, and she took control of my body.
“Of course not Applejack. Even if I knew how to do that, you’re all way too smart to be hypnotized.”
“Darn tootin.” Applejack confirmed.
”If you say so master.” Fluttershy added.
“Think of this as a meditation, to help prevent cognitive dissonance, and let you consider the idea’s I’ll be presenting a little more objectively.”
“Rainbow Dash, since when do you use fancy words like cog-native dissonance. Just skip past this nonsense, and get to your presentation.”
“It is not nonsense. They call it a… uh…. mental palette cleanse.” Dot turned to Rarity. “Surely you’ve heard of it Rarity. It’s supposed to be the new big thing in Canterlot.”
It took Rarity a moment to respond. “Of course darling. I hear they’re going to start doing this at all the big modern art exhibitions. Now hush up Applejack, I want to see this part.”
Thank you Rarity. The two of them just watched it without any further complaint. Soon even stubborn Applejack had her eyes fixed on the kaleidoscope of colours.
Actually, us ponies are hypnotized a little too easily. I should probably talk to Twilight about that, before some mind controlling villain gets the better of all of us.
I shook my own head, as the polarized lenses were only so helpful, then started reading our induction script.
“Make yourselves comfy.
Place your hind hooves flat on the floor.
Focus on the colors.
Breath in - 1, 2, 3, 4.
Breath out- 4, 3, 2, 1.
Breath in - 1, 2, 3, 4.
Breath out- 4, 3, 2, 1.
Keep focussing on the colors.
Think of how beautiful they are.
Think of how much they relax you.
Your minds are in a peaceful, relaxing, happy place.
When you’re here you have no worries.
When you’re here you have clarity.
Clarity is good.
This place, of the mind, is special.
There is no conflict here.
There is no doubt.
What you decide here, is decided without conflict.
What you decide here, is decided without doubt.
Here you can access all your memories, and all your knowledge.
Here you can choose to forget, or remember.
What you decide here will be decided with certainty.
The only catch is that you will be suggestible in this place.
You will not be able to say no, when given instruction.
You will follow instructions with certainty.
You will follow instructions without doubt.
You will take that certainty with you when you leave this place.
Relax.
Breath in - 1, 2, 3, 4.
Breath out- 4, 3, 2, 1.
Breath in - 1, 2, 3, 4.
Breath out- 4, 3, 2, 1.
”Is this next part really necessary,” I asked Dotty.
“Uh… you don’t have to, but we should keep it as a fail safe incase anything goes wrong.”
This place is wonderful.
This place is amazing.
This place is peaceful.
So you’ll be happy to know that you can come back here.
You can come back here all thanks to your good friend Rainbow Dash.
Whenever Rainbow Dash says the words:
“Be an Egghead” you will find yourselves here.
Whenever Rainbow Dash says the words:
“Don’t be an Egghead” you will return to your normal state of mind.
Normal except you will keep with you what was decided in this special place.
You will not remember being hypnotized, though the certainty and peace will remain.
Raise your right front hoof if you understand.
Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie all raised their hooves.
We were almost done. All that was left was the important part.
I thought for a moment how to do this. We had a script ready, but I wondered if it was really the way to go.
This whole mess started because Gallus broke into the girls lockers, and handled their personal things while the girls were doing ballet.
Okay, actually it sounds pretty bad when I put it that way, but there’s a good non pervy reason. We were having a prank war. That’s not pervy, it’s downright wholesome. There’s no reason to expel the kid, and I just need to make my friends see that.
I was going to erase their memories of the whole incident, but now I wasn’t sure. I hate when a story ends with everyones memories getting erased, so they can ‘go back to normal.’ That’s not a happy ending, as far as I’m concerned.
I looked at Dot. She gave me this kinda knowing nod. I thought it meant that she knew I was gonna go off script a bit. Maybe she didn’t.
Okay everypony, when you wake you’ll think that Rainbow Dash gave a totally convincing and awesome presentation. You’ll think of some way to keep Gallus from getting expelled. You’ll have like this super sharp focus and clarity to help you figure it out, and you’ll do it, because working together, you guys can do anything.
I turned off the projector, then turned to the girls in the room.
Now: “Don’t be an Egghead.”
For a moment they remained in a daze, and I wondered if we had done something wrong. Actually, that’s not the only reason I wondered if we had done something wrong.
A few seconds later they started to move again.
Applejack was the first to face me. There was a tear in her eye.
“That was an incredible presentation.”
Rarity was now wiping her eyes with a tissue. “I was so moved.”
“Now I know we can’t expel Gallus.”
“Yes, Darling, it’s clear now that we can’t expel Gallus. However we still need a way to get around the school policy.”
“I can check past cases at the Celestia school for precedent on the matter.” Applejack offered.
“I’ll go over the rulebook, top to bottom for loopholes.” Fluttershy added.
I was so proud of my friends.
“And of none of that works, then I’ll come up with a plan to overthrow the princesses, so we can make our own rules.”
“We’ll keep that as a last resort Rarity.”
The girls all left the auditorium eager to pull an all nighter. Pinkie lingered behind, until the others were gone. She motioned that she wanted to talk to me.
“That was a great presentation Rainbow Dash.”
“Thanks Pinkie.”
“Just one question.”
“Oh, what’s that?”
“Since you had them all hypnotized, why didn’t you just make everyone forget Gallus ever raided the lockers?”
I was stunned silent. With a shrug, Pinkie started to skip off.
“Wait, Pinkie, how were you not hypnotized.”
Pinkie furrowed her brow in thought. “Well, every time the bright lights started to work on me, I felt this slap on the face. I think it was Harvey.”
Harvey! Didn’t Twilight say something about Pinkie having a Tulpa of her own. Just like with Dot, there was some sort of mental companion acting independently inside her head; a giant rabbit named Harvey. Maybe not ‘just like Dot.’
Pinkie skipped off.
For the next couple of ours, I mostly did coffee runs, as my friends dropped everything, and spent their time, looking for an up and up way to keep Gallus from being expelled.
Fluttershy dressed in one of those outfits she wore that one time she covered for the sales ponies in one of Rarity’s boutiques. Her hair was tied back in a bun so tight that her eyebrows curved upwards. It was the outfit that made her look stern and overly serious.
Around ten, nurse Red Heart dropped by. Everyone was focused on what they were doing, and hardly noticed she was there.
She looked over at Fluttershy, apparently needing a minute to be sure it was actually her. Flutters paid her no mind.
“Fluttershy, is that you? You didn’t feed your pets tonight. I was worried.”
Fluttershy just barked “I’m busy, you do it.” And that was that.
Starlights hypnosis machine is a scary thing.
Applejack barely noticed, before returning to her own reading.
Rarity had cloths pins, to keep her from blinking, as she guzzled coffee straight from a pot and scribbled on a blackboard.
Nurse Redheart was turning to leave, when Fluttershy cried “Eureka!”
She and I turned to see what it was. The others didn’t bother until Fluttershy said, “I know how to keep Gallus from getting expelled.”
We all piled up to look at what she was reading.
“Hey,” I cried, “what language is this written in?”
“It’s ancient Ponish. There are some very old laws in Equestria, that were never officially taken off the books.”
“Since when can you read Ponish?”
“I took a few classes when I was a filly, but I’m surprised I retained so much.”
Fluttershy’s voice was soft and gentle, once again. Even her hair had somehow broken free of the tight bun.
“It says:
The theft of clothing will be considered an act of sexual deviance, so long as either the aggrieved party or the culprit hails from a race that normally wears clothing.
“Ha, I get it. Griffins, Changeling, Hippogriffs, and Dragons, hardly ever wear any clothes. So Gallus doesn’t have to be expelled.”
Nurse Red Heart chimed in. Apparently she could read ancient ponish, as most scientific names are derived from the language.
“It says, it’s a lesser offence, but there is still a punishment.”
“Good, Gallus will learn his lesson.”
“So what’s the punishment?” Applejack asked.
“The punishment is 16 lashes with a,” she double checked before reading the last part, “cat of nine tails.”
“Do we have a cat with nine tails?”
“Maybe they’re extinct.”
“I have over nine cats with one tail each.”
“I’m sure that’ll be fine Fluttershy.”
“Great everyone, problem solved.”
And that was that. I guess those ancient ponies were pretty wise. The girls returned to normal. Gallus’s punishment was scheduled for a public exhibition, as the law book recommended, and after a while, I almost forgot about the hypnotism incident.
Dot danced across the auditorium. She was full sized now, while I, Rainbow Dash, was tiny. She spun and twirled on her ballet shoes. Ponies watched in quiet awe.
When it was finished, she took a bow. Thousands applauded her, as roses were tossed upon the stage. I cheered louder then any of them. Then I awoke.
I wiped the sleep from my eyes.
“I had that weird dream again.”
Dot appeared next to me. “I had that wonderful dream again.”
We got up. Both of us stood in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing our teeth.
“So what do you want for breakfast?” Dot asked, her voice mumbled due to the brush in her mouth.
“I dunno, I want french toast, but I always burn it.” This was my, slightly shameless, way of asking Dot to make it for me.
“I can cook it for you, she offered.”
RING - RING - RING
KNOCK - KNOCK - KNOCK
Who could be pounding on my door this early?
I opened up the door, and there was Pinkie. She was in the basket of her hot air ballon, as my home is in Cloudsdale.
“Pinkie, what’s up.”
“Come with me, I’ll explain on the way.”
I tossed off my robe, and flew after her.
“Pinkie, what’s going on? What’s this about?”
“There was an accident on the farm.”
“Applejacks farm!”
“Yes.”
“Well don’t keep me in suspense, what happened?”
“They were loading up cider in a cart. The barrels are like a gazillion pound each, give or take.”
“Big Mac was lifting barrels from the pile and tossing them to Apple bloom.”
“He tossed a 60 pound barrel at a little filly.”
“Yeah, and then Apple Bloom tossed it to Granny.”
“So is it Granny that was hurt?”
“No, Granny tossed it to Applejack.”
“Oh well that wouldn’t hurt Applejack at all.”
“Finally, Applejack tossed it to Rarity.”
“Rarity! That’s worse then tossing it to Granny.”
“Yeah, Rarity was supposed to catch it with horn magic, and load it into the cart, but I guess she wasn’t ready, or was busy checking her hooficure.”
I wanted to ask why they didn’t just use magic to move the barrels from the start, but AJ was pretty stubborn about doing things the way the Apple family has always done them. If Rarity’s hurt, then I bet she feels pretty bad about it.
Pinkie took us to the Carousel Boutique. I rushed through the door, then looked around. Rarity was on a couch napping. Except for a little green ribbon on her horn she looked normal.
“Horn sprain,” Pinkie explained. “Nurse says she can’t use magic for three days.”
That sucked for her, but it wasn’t serious and now I was wondering why Pinkie brought me here. She pointed to the other side of the room, and there I saw Applejack.
Applejack was a wreck. Her hair was frizzled. Her eyes were bloodshot, with bags under them. She had three sewing needles in her mouth, and was struggling to operate a sewing machine with hooves. AJ never had any magic.
“They’re working in shifts,” Pinkie explained. “Rarity can’t work as fast because she’s used to doing things with her magic. Applejack knows how to sew by mouth and hoof, unfortunately she’s not a seamstress. The most she’s done is patching clothes and darning socks because things get ripped up a lot on the farm. Also, despite wanting to make it up to Rarity, she lacks passion for this sort of work, and thinks too practically to follow instructions on these poofy frilly dresses. She’s made all kinds of mistakes. At the rate they’re going, Rarity can’t complete her orders, including making costumes for the ballet club that you teach.”
“You don’t have to rub it in.” Applejack bellowed.
I’d almost forgotten that I teach ballet. At this point I was used to napping while Dot borrowed my body for that class. “So what can I do? I don’t know how to sew.”
Dot twirled around, chanting: “I can, I can.” I pretended I didn’t hear her.
“Well,” said Pinkie, “remember that really inspiring presentation you gave a while back.” Pinkie winked at me. “The presentation which got us all really motivated, and passionate about keeping Gallus from being expelled.” She winked again.
“That was the best speech ever.” Applejack declared.
“It moved me to tears.” Rarity added.
“So what did she say?” Sweetie Belle asked.
Everyone just looked at Sweetie Belle, like her being there was an odd thing. Eventually she took a hint and left.
“Yeah, Princess Celestia never gave so fine a speech as that one.”
“I was thinking,” said Pinkie, “maybe you can use your presentation skills,” wink-wink, “to inspire Applejack, and help her find her inner Rarity.”
I turned to Dot. She was shaking her head, as to say, ‘No way, Absolutely not, don’t do it!!!’
Her comically over the top objection, made me grin. After all, I was totally going to do it.
