The Game: Aether and Mind

What was this feeling inside of me? This fuzzy and warm sensation in my chest that made the day seem brighter? I knew it, I've felt it often once, every day and night, during rain and storm, this emotion that I lost only months prior and only now has rediscovered? I know why, and the reason was right in front of me.

I looked with an unyielding gaze over the foal I had picked up only an hour ago from the hooves of that sick Stallion. The little colt stared back at me in silence, not judging me, but merely staring at my face with interest, confusion curiosity, all the stress had probably taken away all of his exhausted. Hopefully, he wouldn't be traumatized by this. I wish that horrible doctor would land in the dungeon for even thinking about murdering a foal born not even moments ago, but sadly, that was not the case.

If the colt really was meant to die, then he would have been in the right, no court or judge would've been able to even touch him, but something told me, that this just wasn't the case. The moment I laid my eyes upon the little pony, as much as he was born with so much misfortune, I couldn't help but feel something familiar, and that was when I made my choice. I took him home, I don't know what gotten over me to make this choice that would have such a massive impact on my life without even thinking about it in advance. I panicked, but waiting for a second longer back then meant the death of the little one.

A sigh escaped my lips as I removed my hooves from the railing and softly landed on the soft carpet underneath my hooves, it was Warden's idea to get it, he thought that-

This name, this one word, was enough to shatter my thoughts, my mood, and my spirit. With a quivering sigh, I turned away from the crib, and towards the kitchen, I could already feel the tear swelling, blurring my vision while the sting ripped deep into my chest.

My hooves clicked loudly against the wooden floor, perhaps it was just my mind playing a trick on me, but it almost felt like I heard yet another set of hooves. I shortly after reached the kitchen and set myself a kettle of tea before taking place on top of one of the three-seat in front of a large spruce table with a potted flower ontop. The other two being an exact replica of heard and a toddler seat.

'I should've gotten rid of all the stuff months ago.' I thought, waiting for my beverage to be finally complete while somber thought comforted me in my loneliness.

"Look at you, Gentle, you're a mess," I mumbled to myself as I stared into my reflection displaced on the porcelain pottery. My tears, those damn salty droplets, had washed away my makeup, now revealing large dark bags handing under my eyes, highlighting my easily redded eyes.

I closed my eyes, deciding that pitying myself was not worth my time yet again, but what was there else to do, the apartment seemed so empty since-

With a heavy thump, my head hit strongly against the table, my muzzle pressing against the top, but it helped little to suppress the choking noises as the tears once again flowed. For a few more minutes, I wallowed there, drowning in my sadness before eventually, the sounds of the teakettle broke me out of this agonizing trance.

"Why am I doing this to myself?" I whispered under my breath while wishing away the tears, staining my forehoof fur with tears and cheap cream, before looking at the screaming kettle. With an empty feeling eating me from inside, I levitated a tea cup alongside the pot and a set of various complementaries towards the table, the strain hidden under my pain to the point that it made me wonder if I had taken the objects in the first place.

A set of teabags, a jar of chocolate chip cookies, a sugar bowl with flowers painted on the side, and a little spoon. I couldn't help but eye the sugary treats, but my hunger had vanished already, and thus I put them back in the drawer. Without much of a thought, I put three cubes of sugar as well as a cheery tea bag and added water. I know what I wasn't doing wasn't healthy, but it was the only thing that was still able to lift my mood, and I was probably the last mare to fear to get fat, or rather, fatter.

I swirled the red liquid with a spoon, a small vortex formed, but I could still make out my face, even if twisted, those empty eyes have been haunting me for too long already. I closed my eyes and decided to take in the scents of the tea, at the very least, something to pull my mind away. The smell stung fiercely at the beginning, but over time evolved into a mellow fragrance, the fruity aroma remembering me of the times I would fool around in my father's hobby garden. Those were the easy times.

Slowly opened my eyes, greeted with the same scenery I see every day, again and again, I once thought that I could never get enough of seeing it, but now whenever my vision is filled with this place, I want to cry.

I moved my steaming cup towards me, the brew having already richened enough in flavor, and blew over it. This task was the only time of the day where I was alone in both form and thoughts. Deciding that the drink had cooled off enough, the cup was lifted by my magic and I took a long sip, sometimes I would even consume it one go to ease the pain. Seconds into the one pleasure I still had left, my eyes widened as a picture came into a vision, one I was told to put away so many times already, but in the end, never was able to.

On the piece of paper, shielded by a panel of cracked glass and a dusty wooden frame, were two ponies visible. A big Stallion, thick brown fur making up his coat and a short cut blue mane, stood proudly in a uniform next to a pink mare, long free-flowing blond hair reaching her back, in a wedding dress, a small bump could be made out there where he stomach was supposed to be. There was a golden plaquet.

The best day of our lives - Warden & Gentle Touch

Voices, I heard the voices again, two sets, each dominated by a different emotion, both involved screams, and cries. I felt the disgusting taste of bile in the back of my throat again, barely not masking the flavor of dread as the memories slowly came back into vision. But when the third set of cries joined the chorus, I lost all control and slammed the cup down onto the table, a crack ripping through the former pristine material, that no liquid was able to flow through the damage was a wonder in its self.

"Why are you tormenting me like this!?" I screamed back at the voices, memories, and visions of the past, wishing not to be forgotten and instead chose to haunt me. "What did I do to deserve this, have I not for Celestia's sake suffered enough?!" I cried the tears I thought had dried out slowly came aloft. I breathed frantically, staring the emptiness, but the last crying would not vanish. It was then that I realized that this sound was not imagination; it was from the foal!

'This-this isn't him, but-' But the thought was not completed before I ran towards the crib, I was worried why he was so silent, feared that he might be mute, but no, he has only now really woken up and seemed to be in pain. My nightmares of the past were replaced by the fears for the future as I galloped towards the colt. In what seemed to have minutes, I reached my destination with seconds and looked at the little one.

It was a heartbreaking sight to see him trash around in agony, his screams paralyzing me and saddening me at the same time. Tears flowed like rivers from his eyes, his face reddening, and his hooves damaging themselves from his movements. The crying spiked to a piercing howl, which awoke me from my clouded state. Quickly, but carefully, I levitated the foal in front of me as I sat down.

His trashing did not cease; it only angered him more when I wrapped my hooves around him, pressing him gently against my stomach. Did he perhaps think that Goodwill was holding him? It did not matter, I continued to keep him in my grasp, and his panic lessened at a rapid pace, anger morphed into fear and confusion, and then it became sorrow and sadness. My fur was socked in his tears and mucus, but I barely noticed it while I looked over the little one- my little colt -as he slowly calmed down.

I don't know what came over me, but despite the unbearable sight, I felt the warm sensation again, the one from earlier but so much more intense as a small smile formed on my muzzle. Was this happiness? No, it was more, but I could not put my hoove on it. As the colt's voice was reduced to a sobbing, I began a song, I cannot remember the lyrics, but my mother used to sing it to me when I was having nightmares, a soft little tune I hummed.

A shock coursed through my body as I felt a pair of little lips embrace my swollen teets. Although they never came to use, the swelling never stopped as more and more of the milk was produced. A sigh escaped my lips as I felt the pressure lessen, and I began to rub the foal's back, only encouraging him to continue. I took less physical pleasure, no, that was the wrong word, enjoyment as he greedily swallowed his fill, but it quenched my pleasant emotions slightly, deepening them in the richness of the alien sensation.

I don't know how long I've been sitting there, but at some point, the little colt, fell asleep in my hooves. I really need to find him a name, I cannot be calling him foal or colt forever if he was to stay. My gaze was fixated onto the horizon, watching as the sun was lowed, and the moon rose from the edge of my sight.

"Maybe tomorrow you get to see it little one," I spoke calmly, all fear and worry had long vanished, only a little reaction came as he buried his face deeper into my fur. "Seems like you need a bath soon," I mumbled, a light chuckle escaping me before carefully lifting the colt into my back in an attempt not to wake him from his slumber.

Wordlessly I trotted towards my bedroom, I did not give the decor any thought as I put the colt onto my side of the princess sized bed before I laid on top of the soft mattress as well. My weight caused a light shifting on the fabric's surface, rolling the foal to the side slight and his gaze into the moonlight. A sigh of relief escaped me when I realized that he was still asleep, slowly and gently, I then pulled the blanket over the foal and my body, before falling asleep in a heartbeat. This was the first night in a long time I was able to sleep without any worries.