Wait, You Spent TWO DAYS as a Snowman?

by The Dark Wolf

Rating: mature
Tags: Pinkie Pie (EqG), Alternate Universe, Rarity (EqG), Equestria Girls, Fetish, Rainbow Dash (EqG), Random
Length: 1488

Rarity and Pinkie help Rainbow recover from her ridiculous time as a snowman.

Rule of Funny. As long as it's played for laughs, stuff doesn't have to make sense. Therefore, when Rainbow Dash spent two days as a snowman for a sneak attack, she didn't get hungry, tired, cold, or have to use the bathroom (which goes double because of the Cutie Map scenario and many others in fiction). Just a fun, random joke that doesn't require much thought. Because Rule of Funny.

But what if Rule of Funny didn't apply here? In a world where it didn't, Rainbow Dash is a little bit cold, hungry, and tired, and needs to change her pants. So Rarity gives her a warm bubble bath, with help from Pinkie.

Contains: Wetting, soap/washing.

As we weren't meant to take that moment too seriously, don't take this story too seriously. Appreciate the joke for what it is, and don't let my fantasies ruin the snowball fight for you. I even tagged it AU to set it apart from the canonical Rule of Funny, and rated it M just to be safe. And even if that did happen, I know that bath probably wouldn't, I pretty much shoehorned it in and made it a bath fanfic for the thousand word minimum.

Published 2019-11-07 00:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-11-07 00:30:01 UTC

Warming/Cleaning her up

"Haha! Sneak attack! Bet you weren't expecting this!"

Her head and arms emerging from a snowman, Rainbow Dash threw some snowballs at Rarity, who casually blocked with her barrier.

Rainbow was disappointed. "Aw, no fair! I spent two days as a snowman for that!" A snowball hit her, knocking her on her back with her leg in the air.

Rarity and Pinkie Pie laughed, and Rarity took another bite of the delicious souffle Pinkie had gone through such length to get to her.

Rainbow lay with her eyes closed for a few seconds, then groaned.

"Wait," said Rarity. "Did you say you spent TWO DAYS as a snowman just for that sneak attack?"

"For what good it did," said Rainbow Dash. "It might not have been a great idea now that I think about it. Aside from the fact that it didn't work, I haven't eaten or slept for two days, and stood in an upright position in the cold."

Rarity had to admire Rainbow's persistence, even though she likely would never have done the same thing. "That sounds dreadful," she said, holding out her hand to help Rainbow up.

Rainbow took Rarity's hand and stood up, getting out of the fallen snowman. "It wasn't the most pleasant time, but it wasn't as bad as it sounds. I ate an energy bar before I went inside the snowman, which contained a lot of nutrients, and drank some coffee and a few energy drinks to stay awake." Her stomach growled. "Of course, I still haven't eaten since then, and I almost fell asleep before you two came along."

"How are you not shivering?" Rarity asked, taking another bite of the souffle.

"My winter coat and snow pants kept me warm enough to survive. But not that warm. It's still a little chilly. Come to think of it, I think I lost feeling in my legs."

"You poor dear," said Rarity. "Why don't we go to my house and I can give you a nice warm bath?"

"Normally I'd just shower myself, but that sounds good," she said. She didn't really care how she warmed up as long as she did.

Rarity finished the souffle, then sniffed. "Good heavens, what is that smell?"

Rainbow blushed lightly. "I stood inside that snowman for two days straight. There weren't exactly any bathroom breaks."

"Oh my," said Rarity, while Pinkie giggled.

"I probably should've just cancelled the sneak attack and found a bathroom, but I thought it was worth it at the time," said Rainbow. "And once I couldn't hold it anymore, there was no turning back. Besides..." She blushed a little more. "After standing in the cold for a few hours, the warm wetness did feel kind of nice."

Rarity wasn't sure what to say to that. "That's... good, I guess?" She still couldn't help but admire how determined Rainbow was if she was willing to go to the bathroom in her snow pants for it, in addition to everything else. Though, it was still somewhat ridiculous.

"Until it got cold. It was pretty uncomfortable standing that long in cold, wet pants. At least it didn't freeze. And I didn't mess myself either."

"You are definitely getting a bath," said Rarity.

"I'll meet you over there with a whole basket of snacks!" said Pinkie. "It'll be fun dodging the snowballs this time now I'm not trying to get the souffle to you in one piece!" Pinkie made a run back through the snowball fight to her house.

...

Once they reached Rarity's house, Rarity poured Rainbow a glass of water, which she guzzled down like there was no tomorrow. She wasn't too dehydrated on account of the cold making it impossible to sweat, but she was thirsty.

Then Rarity led Rainbow Dash to her bathroom and filled the tub with hot, soapy water. As soon as Rarity turned the tap off, Rainbow immediately climbed into the tub.

Rarity giggled. "You really wanted that bath, didn't you?"

"Mm-hmm," Rainbow replied. "The water feels so good, I don't care that I'm still wearing my snow pants."

"Oh, your snow pants need to be washed too." Rarity poured a bucket of water over Rainbow's head, soaking her hair and winter coat. Rainbow leaned back to lay down in the tub with only her head above water, and let out a sigh of contentment.

Then Rarity's doorbell rang.

"That'll be Pinkie Pie," Rarity said, and she ran out of the bathroom. Rainbow just relaxed in the tub while she was gone. Moments later, Rarity returned with Pinkie at her side.

"I got cupcakes and cookies and donuts and chocolate bars and candy canes and gingerbread cookies!" Pinkie said, holding up her basket of snacks and setting it on the side of the bathtub, and not seeming the least bit surprised that Rainbow was taking a bath in her winter outfit.

"Thanks, Pinkie." Rainbow wolfed down half of the snacks in under a minute. A bit of the cupcake frosting got on her winter coat, but she didn't mind, besides, she was in the bathtub. "Ah, that hit the spot."

"Are you gonna have the rest of them?" Pinkie asked.

"You can finish them. I'm full."

Pinkie started eating the cupcakes. As she did, Rarity left for a moment and returned with a garbage bag.

"What's that for?" Rainbow asked.

"For putting your snow pants in the wash," Rarity said. "So they don't drip and make a mess on the floor or in my laundry basket."

"Good idea." Rainbow stood up and removed her soaking wet snow pants and winter coat, revealing her white T-shirt, blue jacket, and skintight black pants with rainbow lightning bolts.

Rarity put Rainbow's winter coat in the bag and sniffed her snow pants. Despite being submerged in soapy water, they still smelled of pee. "Let's hope my washing machine can get the smell out," she said, putting the snow pants in the bag.

"Sorry about that," said Rainbow. "I just couldn't hold it for two days."

"It's all right," said Rarity. "Now it's time to get YOU smelling clean."

"What are you-"

Rarity started scrubbing Rainbow Dash's back with soap.

"Ooh, can I help?" Pinkie asked.

"You may," said Rarity.

Pinkie grabbed a scrubber, dipped it in the soapy water, and scrubbed Rainbow's sides, including her slightly smelly armpits. While Pinkie did this, Rarity put a dollop of shampoo on Rainbow's head and washed her hair.

Rainbow wasn't sure she liked this, but she decided not to fight it. Maybe she was still enjoying the warmth of the bath and having eaten Pinkie's snacks too much to really care about anything else. Or maybe she was just too tired to resist after being awake for two days.

Once Rarity and Pinkie were done scrubbing, Rarity said "Now, Rainbow, hold your breath. Pinkie, get her rear end in the air."

"Okey dokey lokey!" Pinkie got Rainbow into a position with her head in the water and her butt raised in the air. Rainbow let out several bubbles as Rarity poured a large dollop of liquid soap on her butt and started scrubbing vigorously, coating her smelly pants in suds. When she was done, Pinkie released Rainbow, who stood on all fours, coughing and sputtering.

"What are you trying to do? Drown me?"

"You've held your breath for far longer than that, Dashie," said Rarity. "Now let me clean your legs."

Rainbow sat back down and raised her legs on the side of the tub. Rarity scrubbed one leg and Pinkie scrubbed the other. Once they were done, Rarity drained the water and rinsed Rainbow Dash under the shower head.

"There. All clean."

Rainbow stood dripping in the empty tub, sparkling clean and smelling only of soap. "That... wasn't bad. Thanks, Rarity."

"Your welcome."

"But don't expect me to let you do that again."

"As long as you don't stand for two days inside a snowman again."

"I'm not trying that again. It didn't even work."

"Now, I should probably dry your outfit before you go outside again."

"Do I have to strip down to my underwear?" Rainbow Dash asked. She didn't really want Rarity and Pinkie to see her pink boyshort panties.

"Not when I have this." Rarity pulled out a blow dryer. "First do what you can with a towel."

Rainbow dried herself off as best she could with a towel, and then Rarity used the blow dryer to dry her completely.

"How would you like to take a nice relaxing sleep in my bed?" Rarity asked. "You must be exhausted."

"Thanks." Rainbow walked into Rarity's bedroom, climbed into her bed under the blanket, and fell asleep in seconds. She dreamed of fighting Tirek alongside Daring Do.

When she woke up, her winter coat and snow pants had already come out of the dryer, smelling very clean, and she was ready to get back into the snowball fight.