Bargains and Dragons

by RK_Striker_JK_5

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Slice of Life, Crossover, Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dungeons and Dragons, Filthy Rich
Length: 3704

A green dragon threatens Ponyville, while three old friends from Dungeons and Dragons reunite.

For two years of their time, they traveled the Realm, fighting off Venger, Tiamat, and other assorted demons. Now three friends meet up once again, in another fantastic realm. Eric, Bobby, and Presto think their adventuring days are behind them, but there may be one more surprise in store for them!

This is a crossover with the Dungeons and Dragons animated series from the 1980's, and is a Hasbroverse story, taking about two weeks or so after the events of United We Stand, in late 2012. I own nothing.

Published 2019-11-05 21:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-11-07 21:02:10 UTC

Chapter One

Twilight Sparkle stood outside of Golden Oaks Library. Several pieces of machinery, most looking rather hastily-built, surrounded her, along with numerous mundane objects. It had been nearly a month since Neo-Equestria's invasion had been stopped, and life around Ponyville had settled down somewhat. She looked to her right, at two humans standing and observing her. “So... when do you want me to do my magic?” Her brow furrowed. “And actually... what do you want me to do, precisely?”

The older of the two, Albert Preston, looked down at a datapad and tapped it a few times. “Just do some basic magic, Twilight. Some telekinesis, maybe teleport here and there. Just tell me what you're doing so I can get baseline readings for each act.”

Next to him, Danielle Richards leaned in and looked the datapad's screen over. “I hope that stuff can handle power surges. Twilight's one of the most powerful unicorns around.”

Albert chuckled. “My gear's all been adapted from sensor and scanning rigs using Cybertronian technology. It'll hold fine.” He looked up and his expression darkened. “I hope.”

Twilight's horn lit up. Three books floated into the air and began spinning around her head. “I'm using telekinesis, as if it wasn't somewhat obvious, on these books. Nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. Foals half my age can do this.”

The books were lowered back to the ground. The sensors buzzed, whirred, and flashed. Albert slowly nodded. “All right, there's some minor differences in thaumic energy between pushing and pulling, but more in intensity, not like you're using different magic doing it.”

Danielle leaned over and looked at the screen. “Looks like beams, not waves. Does that make any difference?”

Albert glanced to her. “Well, there's a definite intensity to an Equestrian's magic, compared to the few times I've been able to study human magic.” He held his right hand up and looked his fingers over. “I'd need my hat to even begin to compare.”

Twilight's horn dimmed. She cocked an eye at Albert. “Wait... I thought you said you didn't have any magic without the hat you brought over from the Realm with you.”

Silence descended upon the small group. Danielle looked at Albert out of the corner of her eye, hands on her hips, while Albert's cheeks reddened. He let out a breath. “Well... okay, I might've told a bit of a white lie.” He lowered himself to the ground, placed his datapad to the side, and pulled out a deck of card, a small felt hat, and a small thick book of his own. He motioned to Danielle and Twilight to come closer. “I have... some small powers, that I've managed to hone through decades of study.”

Albert's brow furrowed in concentration. The tips of his fingers glowed a dull-gold, with a half-dozen playing cards glowing soon after. The cards floated into the air, spinning about. They floated back down next to the other cards, stacking themselves neatly on the grass. Albert let out a breath and his shoulders slumped. “And aside from some teleportation that could be mistaken for sleight-of-hand, that's about it for me by myself.”

While Albert performed his magic, Twilight's horn glowed. A light-purple beam of magic enveloped his hand. “Hmm, your channeling is... inefficient,” she finally said. “Although compared to other humans, it's quite developed.” She pasted a smile on her mouth. “Sorry about that.”

Albert waved her off. “Don't be. I fully realize how far behind we are compared to Equestrians in thaumic energy. A foal probably has better-developed internal energy channels than a human adult. You've also got horns, hooves, or wings that you can use for your magic.” He waggled his fingers. “In this aspect, hooves are superior to hands.”

Danielle snorted. “Just make sure not to say anything like that if or when Lyra or Bonbon are in hearing range.” She held up a hand. “Long story. I'll fill you in later. Maybe.”

Twilight pointed a hoof at the hat. “So that is the Hat of Holding you acquired in the Realm?”

Albert looked down and picked the Hat up. The sides stiffened, and the interior glowed. Energy swirled about inside. “With the proper rhymes, I can pull anything from the Hat. And I mean anything.” He pointed to the book. “That's a rhyming dictionary, on the off-chance I need any help.” He cleared his throat.

“Oh magic hat, to brighten her day,

“Please give Twilight a bouquet!”

Albert reached inside the Hat. It flashed, and he pulled out a bouquet of lilies. He held them out to Twilight. “For you, milady!”

Twilight gasped. She floated them over to her muzzle and sniffed them. “They're real!” She took a bite out of the petals. “And tasty, too!” She quickly finished the petals and stems off. “Thanks, Albert! How'd you know it was close to lunchtime?”

Albert shrugged, while Danielle tried–and failed–to keep her laughter in. “Just lucky, “ he said, half-smiling. He collected his items and stood back up. “Back to work, or shall we break for lunch?”

Danielle spoke up. “I wouldn't mind lunch. You can go over what the machines recorded. I'd love to hear what you think about their readings.” She glanced over. “I bet Twilight would love to hear them, too.”

Twilight nodded. “And I hear much better on a full stomach, too.” She pointed down the road. “It should be before A'la Cart's lunch rush. My treat, for the delicious snack you gave me.”

“Excuse me, folks? Pardon the interruption, but could I talk with Mister Preston, please?”

The three turned in the general direction of the voice. Standing before them was a rather tall and muscular man in the duty uniform of the United States Marine Corps. Short blond hair was barely visible under his hat, along with sharp blue eyes that locked onto Albert with an intense, yet non-threatening, look.

Albert slowly rose to his feet. He looked the marine over, eyes narrowing behind his glasses. “I... guess it'd be all right.” He looked to Twilight, then Danielle. “You two go ahead. I'll catch up in a few minutes.”

Both Twilight and Danielle looked at Albert, then the marine, then back to Albert. “All right, if you're sure,” Danielle finally said.

Albert nodded to her. “I'm sure. I won't be long.” He smiled as the pair slowly walked off, waiting for them to be down the street a ways before looking to the marine. “So, what can I help you with, Sergeant?”

The marine slowly grinned. “Come on, Albert.” he held his arms out wide. “Don't you recognize me?”

Albert adjusted his glasses. “Well, I know you're one of the soldiers assigned to guarding construction of the space bridge complex on this side of the Rainbow Bridge.”

A low groan came from the marine. “Ah, come on!” He held his hands up and waved them around the sides of his head. “Maybe I should be wearing a horned helmet, barbarian furs or wielding a wooden club?”

Albert's eyes widened to almost the diameter of his glasses' lenses. “Bobby?” he finally said.

Bobby the Barbarian grinned at his old friend. “The one and only!” he wrapped his thick, muscular arms around Albert in a hug, lifting him up and twirling him about. “How yah doing, old buddy?”

Albert gritted his teeth as Bobby continued swinging him around. “Bobby, put me down before I get sick!” He sighed in relief as his shoes touched back down onto the grass. He waited for Bobby to let go before taking a step back and looking up. The top of his head barely cleared Bobby's chin. “Bobby, what happened to you?”

Bobby shrugged. “I joined the Marine Corps.” He looked himself over. “Come on, Albert. I'm not that much bigger since the last time you saw me.”

Albert snorted. “Last time that I saw you was at Hank and Sheila's wedding. I think you gained about a foot and a hundred pounds of muscle.” His brow furrowed, and he pulled out his phone. “Hmm, their anniversary's coming up.”

Bobby nodded. “Yeah. I'm planning on going back there.” He sighed. “Okay, can I let you in on a secret?” At Albert's nod, her continued. “So, when word about Equestria first broke, about a land full of magic and mythical creatures and unicorns, you know what the first thing I thought of was?”

Albert's expression slowly fell. “Uni?”

Bobby's head drooped. “Uni,” he repeated. “I know how stupid it seems, and is, but when I first heard about Equestria, that's what came to mind.”

Albert shook his head. He reached out and patted Bobby on the arm. “Hey, the Realm and Uni were the first things to come to my mind, Bobby. What else would come to mind to us?”

Bobby sighed. “Yeah, Albert. You're right. Thanks, buddy.” he reached around and patted Albert on the back.

The smaller man stumbled, grabbing his glasses to prevent them from flying off his face. “Whoa, Bobby! Watch it with those jackhammers you've got instead of arms!”

Bobby grinned and flexed his right arm. “I kinda wish I had these when we were back in the Realm and facing off against Venger or Tiamat.” The grin fell away. “Actually, Albert, I had a thought.” He cleared his throat. “I read that the humans and human-like creatures all left this planet some time after the original Rainbow Bridge collapsed, that King Scorpan and the Moochik led them off somewhere. Is there any chance that could've been... the Realm itself?”

There was a pause. Albert placed his hands on his hips and rocked slightly. “Bobby, I'm sorry, but I... I don't know.” He sighed, then held up a hand. “I know the historical texts mention them leading them to 'a' realm, but that could just be the generic term.”

Bobby stood there for a few seconds, unmoving. Finally, he nodded to his old friend. “Thanks, Albert. Better than nothing, I guess.” He sighed, then smiled. “Lemme walk you back to A'la Cart, all right?”

The two old friends started back down Mane Street. After a few minutes, Bobby spoke up once more. “Oh, you are never gonna guess who's here, too!”

Albert's brow furrowed. “Wait, really?” At Bobby's nod, he rubbed his chin. “Hank and Sheila took their second honeymoon here? Diana's checking out their gymnastics scene and wants to win more gold medals for old time's sake?” His eyes widened. “No!”

Bobby barked a laugh. “Yup. Eric's here. He had an appointment with some local business-stallion, and he was not going to miss it, despite all the shit that's been going on.” He looked around. “Hey, last time I saw him he was close to some store named 'Barnyard Bargains'.”

Albert grinned. “I think lunch can wait a few more minutes.” His stomach growled. “But only a few.”

Deep in the Everfree Forest, the Green Dragon stirred, he slithered, and he stewed in his own hate. Mine, mine MINE! The Thief must be punished, the town that harbors him must be punished!

He slithered away from his hoard, down through the tunnel that led from his lair to the outside world. He quickly reached the open air and spread his wings, flying into the air above the treetops and making his way straight for Ponyville.

Filthy Rich walked along the front entrance of his main Barnyard Bargains store, the first one he opened. He glanced up at his companion, the human businessman Eric Most. Eric was quite tall and lean, albeit with the slightest bit of a paunch at his midsection and thinning hair on his head. Not that I have any right to judge he thought, eyes crossing as he tried and failed to stare up at the widow's peak forming in his graying mane.Eric wore a blue business suit, tailored perfectly to his frame, and carried a rather oversized briefcase.

Eric waved his free hand at the store's front entrance. “Mister Rich–can I call you 'Rich'?”

Filthy Rich smothered a grin. “I don't mind that one jangle,” he replied.

Eric continued. “Well, Rich, you know what I see, here?” He paused for a moment. “I see a damned fine-looking business, but I also see... blind spot, vulnerabilities.” He slowly knelt down. “How bad is your shrink, here?”

Filthy Rich's brow furrowed. “Come again?”

A chuckle escaped Eric. “Shoplifting, petty theft. I know you ponies aren't perfect, and you've got police. So?”

Filthy Rich slowly nodded. “We do. And we have cameras, night watchponies, that sort of thing.”

Eric nodded. “Any greeters at the door? How's your security overall?” He placed a hand on his chest. “Rich, Aegis Security is the top security firm in the United States. We handle warehouses, factories, homes, and yes, supermarkets. I can guarantee you a noticeable drop in shoplifting from your stores.”

Filthy Rich stood in thought for a few moments. “I'll have to consider it,” he finally said. “You do come with good reviews from other clients.” He grinned. “I've done my research.”

Eric shrugged. “Believe me, Rich. Aegis Security has nothing to hide. No riddles, no enigmas, just good security and openness.”

“Hey, Eric!”

Eric's head shot up. He turned at the familiar voice. “Bobby? What are you...” His voice trailed off as he spotted Bobby and his companion. “Oh, god. Presto?” He stepped forward. “Man, you've grown!”

Albert rolled his eyes. “It's Albert, Eric. We're not teenagers in the Realm anymore.”

Eric snorted. “Yeah, thank god for that, Pres-Albert.”

Bobby glanced down. “Yeah...”

Eric swallowed. He rocked back and forth on his heels. “I... okay, I'm sorry, Bobby. I wish Uni had come with us back to Earth, but I'm glad we're not risking death by Venger or Tiamat or worse back in the Realm.”

Albert smirked. “No. We're risking death by Decepticon or Tyroxian or Neo-Equestrian invasion here.”

Bobby spoke up. “Don't forget the Inhumanoids.”

Eric glared at him. “Don't you start, Bobby. They've been sealed away for close to twenty-five years, now.”

Filthy Rich cleared his throat, gaining their attention. “Friends of yours, Eric?”

Eric looked to him. “Oh sorry, Rich.” He looked back up. “This is Albert Preston and Bobby Field. They're old friends of mine from–”

The ground lurched. The Green Dragon exploded out of the Everfree Forest, sending trees flying in all directions. “Thief, thief! Give me the thief!” he shouted, shooting flame into the air.

The denizens of Ponyville all stared up at the Green Dragon before running off in all directions, screaming and shouting. Eric chuckled and smiled as he landed a dozen feet from Barnyard Bargains. “Oh, of course. Godzilla's little cousin decides to attack. It was too calm here.”

The Green Dragon focused on the quartet. “Give me the thief!” he roared, rearing back and sucking in a deep breath.

Eric's eyes widened. “Oh... shit!” He slammed his briefcase onto the ground. “Get behind me!” he shouted, as a hidden panel on the briefcase popped open. He slid his arm in, then pulled it out, a large, golden-colored shield now strapped to his arm. He held it up over his head as Albert, Bobby, and Filthy Rich all huddled behind him.

A long stream of red-and-orange flame shot from the Green Dragon's throat and mouth, scorching the air and ground. Eric's shield glowed. A large dome of energy crackled to life, surrounding him and the others. He let out a shout as the flame struck the dome, flowing over it and turning the earth around them pitch-black.

The Green Dragon finally stopped spewing flame. He looked Eric and the shield over. “Such a pretty shield! I will take it!”

Bobby stood up and, in one smooth motion, unholstered his laser pistol and started firing at the dragon. Each beam struck true, but did little more than mar the dragon's scales. “Oh... we're dead.”

Eric looked to him, eyes wide. “Ah, come on, Bobby! Can't you call in an air strike or something? Where's your club?”

Bobby shook his head. “We've got some powered armor in the Everfree and around the Equestrian side of the Rainbow Bridge, but that's about it! And I'm a marine. Ancient wooden clubs aren't exactly standard-issue.” He pointed at the Everfree. “The damned thing's back at Hank and Sheila's house in Idaho!” He tapped his earpiece. “Mayday, mayday. This is Sergeant Robert Field. We have hostile mega-fauna in Ponyville.”

Albert, meanwhile, pulled out his hat. He held it with one hand while waving the other over it as the interior glowed.

“Magic hat, we need to stop this lug.

Please give us a hand. Bring us Bobby's Club!”

The hat shuddered. The handle of a long, wooden club emerged, extending impossibly long from the hat's interior.

Bobby gasped. He grabbed the club's handle and pulled it up past the brim. “Oh, yeah!” he shouted, swinging it about. “Bobby the Barbarian is back!”

Eric took a step back. “Rich, you might wanna hold onto your... tie.”

Filthy Rich swallowed, but stepped back to Eric's side.

Bobby walked forward. He brought his club up and slammed it into the ground. The earth trembled, and a long fissure cracked open from the point of impact, snaking forward right under the Green Dragon's feet. He stumbled a bit, then reared back and fired another long jet of flame. Bobby swung his club, batting the fire away. He shouted and ran full-tilt at the dragon, eyes ablaze and club swinging. The Green Dragon brought his head forward, jaws snapping, but Bobby suddenly jumped into the air, swinging his club-and striking the Green Dragon right in the jaw.

The Green Dragon's head snapped around, a howl of primordial pain escaping him. A single fang the length of a baseball bat flew from his mouth, tumbling about and embedding itself in the ground. Blood poured from the Green Dragon's mouth as he turned and staggered back in the general direction of the Everfree.

Bobby waved his club in the air. “And stay out!” he shouted.

Eric's entire body sagged. He suddenly turned to Filthy Rich and placed a hand on his chest. “Mister Rich, what you've just seen is a small demonstration of Aegis Security's dedication to protecting their clientele. Each Barnyard Bargains location will be protected just as diligently as I did here.” He hefted his shield. “I guarantee it.”

Filthy Rich nickered. “Well, Eric. It seems you and I do have some things to discuss. And probably some contracts to sign after.”

Bobby spoke up. “Wait! I've got a really important question!”

Albert looked to him. “What is it?”

Bobby pointed his club at the dragon fang. “Can I keep it?”

Author's Note

Thanks to GB Scientist from Space Battles for the title.

Bobby and Eric's last names are taken from the last names of their voice actors.

Epilogue

Bobby and Albert stood inside one of the prefab buildings surrounding the Rainbow Bridge in Equestria, in particular the office of one Marine Colonel Henry Potter. Henry glanced at a laptop at his desk, then at Bobby, standing at attention. “All right, Sergeant. At ease.” He waved a hand at the laptop. “Eyewitness accounts corroborate what you, Mister Preston, Mister Most and Mister Rich said in your own report.” His eyes drifted down to Bobby's club, laid out on his desk, then back up to the pair. “You did a good job, Sergeant. I'll be putting you in for a commendation.”

Bobby nodded. “Thank you, sir.”

Henry pointed to the club. “As for the club, it's not exactly standard-issue, but then again Equestria isn't exactly a 'standard' assignment. I'll make sure you'll be authorized to carry it here while on duty. Just go to the quartermaster and get a harness for it or something.” He stood up, but stopped and placed his hands on his hips. “Actually, if I make a personal request, may I hold it?”

Bobby blinked. “Oh, of course, sir!” He picked it up from the table and held it out.

Henry held out his hands, but stopped short of actually touching it. “It's not gonna sprout spikes or catch on fire, will it?” At their looks of confusion, he shrugged. “You know, some spell that means only some chosen one may hold it?”

Bobby shook his head. “No, sir. You can't cause any earthquakes or bash down stone walls with it, but it's perfectly safe to hold.”

Henry grabbed the club. He hefted it from hand to hand, then held it up and peered at the wood itself. “What kind of wood is this?”

Albert spoke up. “There's been tests done on it. From what we've been able to find out, it's not from any earth tree, and has some metallic properties to it. There's also some magical energy in it, but it's only active in Bobby's hands. Otherwise it's a strong, durable club.”

Henry handed the club over to Bobby. “Thank you, Mister Preston. All right, Sergeant. I won't keep you from your duties. Dismissed.”

The two men snapped to attention and exchanged salutes. Bobby about-faced and made his way for the door, but stopped and turned back. “Colonel, a question if I may?” At Henry's nod, he continued. “Do you know what's gonna happen to that fang I knocked out of the dragon's mouth?”

Henry grinned and shook his head. “Oh, the xeno-biologists are practically foaming at the mouth to examine that thing. There hasn't been much opportunity to do any real examination of dragons beyond the baby one living in Ponyville. Why?”

Bobby shook his head. “Just curious, sir. Thank you.” He turned once more and left, Albert following.

Albert patted him on the shoulder. “Don't worry, Bobby. I have a feeling you'll have more opportunities to get a dragon fang sword than you'll know what to do with.”

Bobby looked to him and sighed. “Yeah, but you never forget your first.”

Albert gave him an odd look. “That's what Diana said...”

Author's Note

Final line was suggested by EdBecerra of Space Battles and used with his permission.

Henry Potter is named in honor of the two commanders of the 4077th, Henry Blake and Sherman Potter.