Chapters Ever since he had gotten his cutie mark, Doctor Graymare knew that helping sick and diseased ponies was his life's passion. He continually got an immense sense of pride and accomplishment when he set a patient's mind at ease, doing his best to fix what was wrong with them, and helping them live a better tomorrow, and that pride was only matched by his respect for Princess Twilight Sparkle, who since coming to Ponyville, had become the embodiment of helping others.
That was the sole reason he had accepted this assignment abroad in Canterlot, and it was also why he had, for the first time in his 15-year career, begin to seriously doubt a decision made by the Princess of Friendship. His 'office' conditions he could live with, quite obviously being a re-purposed bunk room just outside of the solitary confinement wing of the Canterlot Castle dungeon. No, what his conscience was constantly battling him over was the state of the patient he was tasked with 'caring' for, though in the past couple weeks, he wouldn't use 'care for' as much as he would use 'just keep alive'.
His patient, the pegasus filly Cozy Glow, was by all official definitions, a war criminal, and probably the youngest one ever on record. She was also a textbook child psychopath, or rather, she had been before Twilight enlisted the help of her two most powerful unicorn friends to attempt a radical new treatment. At first, Graymare had been rather enthusiastic about being able to observe the first attempt at an effective cure for psychopathy.
Then the whimpers, wails, and cries began echoing down the cobblestone hallway.
Cozy Glow's sudden conscience and sense of empathy was causing her very real pain, and Princess Twilight didn't really seem too keen on helping her through it, believing all the filly needed was time to learn to deal with it.
Graymare wasn't doubting the Princess' destination, but he was certainly unsure about her chosen path for the journey there. He had received strict instructions to not medicate or otherwise alleviate any non-life-threatening pain she was going through. Only in the most dire emergency did he have the authority to take her to the hospital for help, and that was with an EUP guard in tow at all times.
Throughout his career, he had learned that sometimes the road to recovery was a long and hard one. To be fair, she was showing very small signs of improvement. Slowly, she had been crying less, sleeping more, and eating more than the bare minimum to stave off malnutrition and Twilight's threats of force feeding, not to mention the food on offer left much to be desired.
Like clockwork, an EUP cook arrived with Cozy's dinner on a simple metal tray, the only utensil to go along with it was a spoon; the Princess wasn't taking any chances after her first poorly thought out suicide attempt.
The food tray looked to contain more than it usually did, and upon a double take, he did notice a small chocolate frosted cake next to her main course. He made a quick check of her file, and confirmed that it was indeed the filly's 12th birthday today. It looked like the most inviting thing he had seen be brought to her in weeks; at least the food he received was direct from the EUP buffet lines. The cook quickly passed the view he had from the office, and heard the iron gate to the solitary wing open. It was quiet enough down here that he could hear almost anything above a whisper. It had been a minute since the cook passed into the wing, maybe two, when he heard a short scream from down the corridor.
"Doctor Graymare!" He heard one of the guards shout for him. He bolted out of his chair and galloped through the gate and down to Cozy's cell at the end, where the cook stood stunned and the lieutenant quickly opened the door for him.
"She collapsed seconds after we set the tray down." He explained as he opened the cell door to let Graymare in.
There, on the floor in front of the simple table and tipped chair where the tray had been set, laid Cozy Glow, convulsing next to a small puddle of vomit. From what he could quickly ascertain, her dinner hadn't been touched. He knelt down next to the seizing filly and gently placed a hoof on her forehead, and his eyes widened immediately.
He quickly turned back to the door, and picked the pegasus up in his magic.
"We need to get her to Canterlot General immediately! Lieutenant, come with me; private, tell Princess Twilight to meet us there." He quickly instructed the two guards before galloping back down the corridor, cradling Cozy in his magical grasp.
Twilight wasn't really expecting her dinner to be interrupted by an EUP private telling her that Cozy Glow had been taken to Canterlot Hospital. But moments after she had been told, she winked out of the dining room at Canterlot Castle and into the lobby of Canterlot General Hospital's reception desk. She quickly inquired about Cozy Glow, and was immediately directed to the Intensive Care Unit. The hospital wasn't exactly bustling with activity today, so she had no trouble picking out the EUP guard and Doctor Graymare from down the hall, where they stood outside a closed door.
"Is she alright?" Twilight asked as she trotted up to Graymare, who was gazing through the window in the door.
Graymare fought the urge to scoff at the question.
"She had a severe febrile seizure. Her fever spiked at 108° when I brought her here. We were able to bring it down with medicine, but I'd recommend keeping her here for observation, to make sure there's no permanent damage." Graymare told her.
"You're the medical professional. Lieutenant, you're to stand watch here." Twilight said, getting an immediate salute in return.
"I would also strongly recommend moving her out of solitary. Actually, at this point, I have to insist." Graymare said, turning fully to the princess.
"Doctor, you have made your opinion on her provided conditions quite clear, I do not need reminding what you—"
"Enough! " Doctor Graymare snarled, getting the complete attention of Princess Twilight along with the guard and every orderly and nurse in the vicinity.
"Princess Twilight, I'm not sure if you realize how much reverence and respect you command from the citizens of Equestria and beyond, and that is why I have ignored my oath and endured this treatment of yours for the past month. But this has gone too far. Solitary confinement for weeks on end? Nothing to do but confront memories that now seem unfathomable? A healthy mind wouldn't be able to deal with that. Hers is the farthest thing from! This treatment of yours is unprecedented. Nothing like it has been attempted in medical science before; you can't do something like that to her mind, then lock her away in some dark corner expecting her to torture herself with these memories until something magical happens! She needs interaction, creative outlets, a goal to strive for, ways to look forward to tomorrow; things a normal, healthy, not to mention still developing mind can grasp and understand. All she has right now are these memories of all this negativity in her life. How do you expect her to find ways to cope with that if you don't give her positive things to mix in? You did this to her, and you haven't so much as given her any guidance. You want her to figure all of this out on her own? You might as well be throwing a newborn foal into a pool and hope they learn how to swim before drowning!"
For once, Graymare saw Twilight's expression falter.
"If something doesn't change, right now , her body is going to continue to try and find ways to end this, regardless of your attempts to keep her alive. Enough is enough. I'm returning to the castle to gather my things. If you return her to that cell, consider it not only an immediate end to my services to you, but an end of my respect for you, Your Majesty. There is no undoing what you've done to her mind. You have to find a better way. I'm begging you, please , find a better way. I hope to Celestia that you realize that you are better than this."
With that, Graymare stepped away from the door to Cozy's room, and walked towards the lobby, leaving Twilight to look into the room where the pegasus filly lay in the hospital bed, sleeping and breathing slowly.
For the first time since she saw Cozy's father fly away from the hedge maze, her resolve began to crack.
"How long are they planning on keeping her here for observation?" Twilight asked the lieutenant she had posted to the room, who snapped to attention at the question.
"Two or three days, Princess. They want to make sure her fever breaks," the lieutenant responded.
"I'll be back for her then. As you were." Twilight instructed, then turned to leave, feeling something starting to squeeze at her chest.
Princess Twilight stood in the corridor of the solitary wing, biting her lip and crying silently as she stared into Cozy's vacant cell. The tray of food from earlier that night had long gone cold, the single candle in the piece of birthday cake had since burned down to a lump of wax, and the puddle of vomit had dried next to the knocked over chair. Right now she felt increasingly sick herself. Doctor Graymare was absolutely right; she was going about this the wrong way, and she didn't realize it until Cozy ended up in the hospital and she got rightfully screamed at.
She was better than this. As a Princess, as a pony , she had to be better than this.
She heard hoofsteps come down the stairs and enter the 'office' just outside the gate to the wing. She took a deep breath, wiped her eyes, and walked back down the empty corridor, to the currently unguarded gate, seeing as how there was currently nopony in the solitary wing. She turned the corner and saw the physician begin to sort through his desk.
"Doctor..." She began shakily, getting his attention. "Do you know how valuable it is to have an advisor who will stand up to put the advised in their place when they are obliviously in the wrong? I can't lose you. Not now." Twilight said, tears threatening the corners of her eyes again.
Graymare chose to remain silent, and looked at her expectantly; he had said his piece back in the intensive care unit.
"She won't set a single hoof back inside that cell, I swear it. I will open up as much of my schedule as I possibly can to help her along, but I can't stop being the ruler of Equestria for her. I need somepony who very clearly cares about her wellbeing as she goes through the most stressful ordeal of her life."
The physician set his bag on the desk, and cleared his throat.
"Your Majesty, I remember when I first met you when Rainbow Dash was brought in with that broken wing. I'm amazed at how far you've come in just a few short years, but this was unfortunately where your relative inexperience caused a lapse in judgement. You cannot fire a spell at a criminally sick mind, magically give them what every sane, well-adjusted mind already has, and then continue to treat them like a criminal. You have turned her into a completely new pony, in every sense of the words; a child that is now mortified by these memories of what she used to be; a body and mind that are now in a continuous state of revulsion at what she was, and that is entirely your doing. Let me make myself perfectly clear; I'm not going to play foalsitter until you come knocking. If you want me to stay, then I want daily commitment and interaction from you."
"You'll have it." Twilight immediately responded.
"Medications and other methods of pain management are at my sole discretion ." Graymare demanded.
"Understood."
The doctor took a deep breath as he rubbed his forehead after a long and trying day.
"So what did you have in mind?"
Two days later...
Twilight retraced her steps from a few days earlier through the Canterlot Hospital ICU, with Doctor Graymare at her side. There was a bit more bustle this time around, but they managed to get down to the guarded room where another physician stood with the two EUP guards currently on shift.
"Well, her fever broke yesterday, and there doesn't seem to be any lasting damage. She's back in your custody as far as we're concerned, Your Majesty. Safe travels." The doctor said, making a quick note on his clipboard before giving a short bow and headed down the hallway on his rounds. The princess took a deep breath, got a nod of reassurance from Graymare, and slowly opened the door to the room.
She felt a pang of guilt in her heart when she noticed that Cozy had immediately begun to tremble upon making eye contact with her. The filly took in a shaky breath, and gripped the ends of her bed sheets. As much as the words didn't belong together, Twilight could tell that she was clearly terrified of the Princess of Friendship.
"I don't know what you want from me... But please stop... Please don't send me back down there..." Cozy begged, beginning to softly cry.
Twilight swallowed back tears of her own, and approached her bedside.
"Cozy... I owe you an apology." Twilight softly began, sitting down next to the bed and gently placed a hoof on Cozy's as it clutched the sheet and blanket.
"What Sunset, Starlight, and I have done to you has never been attempted before in recorded history. The very ethics of it is certainly debatable. I was partly wrong; you coming to terms with your newfound empathy and conscience is going to take more than time. It will also take help from other ponies, and a considerable change in surroundings. Shutting you away with nothing more than the very new and foreign emotions and sensations was irresponsible and cruel of me, and I'm very, very sorry. You are my responsibility, and I give you my word, Cozy, I am going to be better for you. Starting right now."
With that, she stood up, lifted her hoof off of the bed, and offered it to help her up. Staring uncertainly at it for a moment, Cozy Glow removed the blankets from over her, and took the princess' hoof in her own, and stood up, wiping her eyes.
"O... Okay..." She replied softly, jumping off of the bed. Twilight smiled at her, and motioned for her to follow. The pair stepped out into the hall, and she immediately saw Graymare and smiled up at him. He had been the one near-constant over the past month, and she was glad to still have him here.
"So, we've got some new arrangements for you, Cozy. Are you ready?" Graymare asked, and she nodded, thinking she didn't really have much choice. The doctor nodded at Twilight, and with a flash from her horn, they were whisked away from the hospital hallway, and found themselves outside, and Cozy's gaze rose to meet a four-story white stone tower off of the east castle courtyard.
She figured the only thing missing was a dragon, and with a considerably longer mane, she could be Raponezel.
She noticed that there was an EUP guard at the base of the stairs, and another one up at the front door before the stairs wrapped around the tower multiple times, all the way up to the top. Together the three ponies climbed the stairs, and stepped inside.
"I was brought to the realization that I haven't been nearly as supportive as I should have been in the first weeks of your rehabilitation. But just to be clear, this is still house arrest. Doctor Graymare will stay here with you, and he'll be helping you with whatever needs that may arise." Twilight explained as they entered the tower and immediately made a left down to the basement level. Already, it was warmer than the corridors of the dungeon.
The bottom of the stairs opened up to a round living space. A small kitchenette, a couch, a twin bed, nightstand, and desk were crammed into the deceptively small space, but it already felt far larger than the eight by eight cobblestone room she had inhabited for the past month.
"I thought it would be best to start you off with this." Twilight said, her magic reaching into her saddlebags, and coming out with a book and quill, which she lowered down and presented to Cozy. The hardback cover had her cutie mark engraved into it, and when she opened it, she discovered that the first page, and all remaining pages were blank.
"A journal, for when you feel you need to write your thoughts out." Twilight told her.
"Writing out your thoughts, emotions, and worries can be a great way to get new insights on them, or come back to them later with a new point of view." Graymare added.
"I thought it would be a nice way to gauge your progress, and give you something to do. There's a small library and study room upstairs; we can take weekly trips to Canterlot Library if you'd like to get some new books to read." Twilight told her.
Cozy closed the blank journal, looked at the cover momentarily, and then looked up at Twilight.
"Thank you, Princess. I... I don't know what else to say right now."
Twilight smiled down at the filly. She was still scared, but it was no longer scared, and angry, and in blinding pain.
"You don't need to say anything else right now. It was wrong of me to put you down there with no way to confront and deal with these thoughts and memories. We didn't get things started off on the right hoof, but now we can try again. I'll be clearing time in my schedule to check up on you each and every day. So, on that note, I'll leave you two to get acquainted, and I'll see you two tomorrow."
Twilight's horn glowed, and she vanished in a flash of purple light, and Graymare turned to Cozy who had gone over to set the blank journal on her new desk.
"Well, I confess I'm not the most amazing cook, but how do you feel about some dinner?" He asked. Cozy looked back at him as she opened the journal to the first page, getting the first inkwell uncapped.
"That sounds great, Doctor Graymare, thank you." Cozy answered as she gently set the inkwell down, before dipping the tip of the quill in, and looked at the first empty page of her journal.
So I don't really think there's a perfect way to start this off. Princess Twilight gave me this journal to start writing in. I guess she trusts Doctor Graymare enough to keep an eye on me so I won't try to slash my throat with this quill or anything.
The past month has been like waking up from a nightmare that was as bad as can be, then I opened my eyes, and the nightmare was me. Everything felt so hopeless down there in the dungeon, that I wasn't sure I would ever get out, that the pain would ever stop. I had forgotten that my birthday was a few days ago, and when I saw that piece of cake, the first thing that came forward in my head was my last birthday at home, and then everything went hot.
I don't doubt that Doctor Graymare had a hoof in getting me out of that cell, I'd heard him arguing with Princess Twilight more than once down the hall during my time down there. He's been the face I've seen most of these past few weeks. He seems to genuinely care about me even though I've barely been able to speak to him because of this pain, and I'm trying to figure out how I feel about that.
The pain... it doesn't come from any physical wound, it's deeper. It makes it hard to breathe, to think, and it was at the absolute worst when I fell out of the chair in my cell. The next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed. It's still there, but it's gotten better in the twenty minutes I've been here in this tower. It feels like a home. I'm still afraid of when it's going to come rushing back again, but for now, I'm just glad to feel hungry for once.
If Twilight was willing to keep me down there, then I'm really glad Doctor Graymare is here. I know he means well, but maybe he doesn't know all the details of what I did. But if he can help Twilight fix her mistake, maybe he can help me fix all of mine.
"How is it coming?" Doctor Graymare asked, pulling Cozy out of her thoughts as he set a plated, diagonally cut daffodil and daisy sandwich down on the desk next to the open journal.
"It's... Coming." Cozy replied, setting her quill down as she looked to the simple but inviting dinner.
"Do you mind if I have a look?" The unicorn asked, resulting in a momentary pause in the filly's first bite of her sandwich as she glanced at the journal. Graymare noticed.
"I mean, I don't want to pretend that Princess Twilight believes you should have any expectation of privacy, but I want you to know that I'm not Twilight. So how about a trade? If you let me read what you've written..." Graymare paused, reaching to the kitchen counter with his magic, pulling over a leather-bound medical journal, levitating it over to the desk.
"You can read what I've written. I want to see how you think you're doing, and in return, you can see how I think you're doing. Sound fair?" The doctor asked, offering her his slightly bigger, thinner journal as it floated above her plate.
"Deal." Cozy answered, nodding as she slid her journal towards Graymare, and the doctor immediately set his down in its place. Cozy continued eating as she flipped open the leather cover, and read the first, minutes-old entry, as he did the same.
Day 33
I figured now was as good a time as any to restart these log entries. The past couple weeks, I quickly grew weary of logging the hours and hours of suffering I heard down the corridor of the dungeon solitary wing. I had never seen Princess Twilight approach something so passively. I don't doubt that she's torn between her passion for helping as many ponies in need that she can, and her anger at Cozy for what she had nearly done to her school, her student body, and to all of Equestria.
But now that I have fortunately gotten through to her, it is my sincere hope that real progress can be made. This is a previously unheard of medical treatment, as psychopathy has historically had no known cure. But with the help of Starlight Glimmer, the Headmare of the School of Friendship, whose magical abilities rival that of Twilight herself, and Sunset Shimmer, a former student of Princess Celestia who has become an incredibly powerful empath, Twilight has devised a highly experimental, and quite frankly, ethically questionable treatment for Cozy's mental state. We are now truly in uncharted territory, and I can't help but feel a bit excited again for progress now that Cozy's surroundings have improved a thousandfold, with creative outlets to occupy her mind, homecooked meals, and a more comfortable bed.
"Cozy..." Doctor Graymare began, who had pulled up a chair and taken a seat next to her, and waited for her to finish reading, and paused until the pegasus made eye contact with him. "When I first became a physician, I took what is called the Hayppocratic Oath. It's a centuries-old promise, taken by generation after generation of doctors and healers, to do no harm to those we take under our watch and care. It doesn't matter what our patients have been accused of, or what they have done. We help them. So I want you to know, that to me, it doesn't matter what you did. I'm going to do my very best to help you. End of story." He told her gently, but firmly, offering the closed journal back to her.
"But... It matters to me. What I did, especially to my family... I don't know if there's any way I'll be able to move on from that." Cozy replied, taking her book back as she closed his and slid it towards him as she finished her sandwich.
"That's fair. Right now, your conscience can't come up with any reasons why you did what you did. Even if you can't find a reason, finding a way to move on from it will be a very important step in your recovery. Every journey begins with a first step, and you've made your first one. Tomorrow, there will be time for another one. And another."
Cozy let out a yawn.
"I was wondering how early you'd get tired, with how sporadic you've been getting sleep the past month." Graymare added as he took the empty plate to the kitchen.
"But if I'm getting the bed, where are you going to sleep?" Cozy asked as she set her journal back down on the desk.
"Don't worry about me. This isn't my first prolonged house call. A good pillow and blanket will do me on any couch." Graymare told her, as he went to the closet to acquire such items. Meanwhile, Cozy made her way over to the twin bed that had been made with a bedsheet and a comforter. She could tell even before laying in it that it was warmer and softer than the bed in her cell, or even the one in the hospital.
With a stretch, she lifted the covers, and climbed in, and as Graymare dimmed the lights of the tower's living area, she faded into the realm of dreams as her head sunk into the incredibly soft pillow.
Author's Note
10 Internet Points TM (Non-transferrable, non-refundable) if you can spot the reference I put in there.
Cozy stared at herself in the mirror as she sat in front of her dresser, slowly running a comb through her damp mane. After a shower, she decided that she wasn't going to keep her mane in the curls that she had to keep up her 'cutesy' persona. No, if she wanted to feel like somepony new, she wanted to see a different pony in the mirror every day. So now instead of the tight triple-curl bangs, her mane fell on both sides of her ears, with a slight upward curl at the ends.
It would have to do. 'New life, new Cozy,' she had kept telling herself as she had worked on it. On the dresser in front of her was her open journal, with a few pages already written in and turned.
I've never understood the magic behind the cutie mark. In some cases, it's very clear what a pony's special talent is, what they should do with their life. I guess I'm not that lucky. If my talent isn't manipulating other ponies, if I'm really destined to adapt to this new state of mind... I mean, I still feel lost. I don't know what my cutie mark means anymore.
Back on the couch, Graymare watched Cozy's grooming efforts passively as he wrote in his own entry, sipping at a cup of coffee.
Day 38
To say that Cozy has adapted well to her new surroundings would be an understatement. She's not necessarily sleeping much better yet, but now instead of waking up screaming, she usually just wakes up in a sweat, most of the time not really remembering what she was dreaming about, and at times it takes her a minute to remember where she is. I've taken to keeping a pitcher of water on her nightstand so a drink is never far away.
Twilight's visits are going as well as they can, too. Not a day has gone by where she hasn't brought her a new book, and for now, I think that's one of our easiest ways to get other things in her head to accompany the memories of the past she's been dealing with. Her favorite genre seems to be fantasy adventure for now, and the princess certainly has no shortage of those.
Cozy has shared her concerns over her cutie mark with me, and I've forwarded those to Twilight, who has told me that she had something in mind for her to try. I'm looking forward to seeing what she has in store.
"Cozy?" Graymare asked, coming up to the pegasus who was currently nose deep in The Adventures of Gusty the Great . She paused in her reading and looked up at the doctor.
"Twilight is waiting for you in the library upstairs. She has an activity for the two of you. I'll be down here getting lunch ready."
Cozy put a bookmark in between the pages she was currently at, and set the closed book down on her desk, before getting up and heading to the stairs on the outer edge of the tower. She passed the main entrance, and continued her way up, coming up into the library where she saw Twilight sitting in the center of the room, between the two curved bookshelves on either side of the library.
"Hello, Princess." Cozy greeted, giving a half-bow before coming farther into the library.
"Good morning, Cozy. Wow, your mane looks great. I thought you and I could play a little game before lunch." Twilight replied, lighting her horn up, and out of her saddlebags next to her came two black felt bags, and a polished wooden board with eight by eight squares.
A chessboard.
"So Doctor Graymare tells me that you're having some questions about your cutie mark. I thought we could discuss it over a round of chess, if you like." The Princess offered, as her horn lit up, and 32 marble pieces, 16 white and 16 black, floated out of the two bags and placed neatly on opposite sides of the board.
Cozy hadn't played a game of chess since that night in Canterlot with Tirek. Before her first imprisonment, she was part of the School of Friendship's chess club.
"Yeah, sure." Cozy replied, coming up to her and taking a seat across from her on the other side of the board, as Twilight slid the white side towards her.
"You first." Twilight told her. Cozy opened by moving the Queen's pawn up two spaces.
"So when did you get your cutie mark?" Twilight asked, as she responded in kind by moving up her King's pawn as they initially challenged each other for control of the center of the board.
"Doing this, actually. I got it when I won my first chess game in school."
"How many games did you play before you won?"
"None, I mean, I read up on it, then went to my school's chess club to try it out. I won the very first time."
"So you got pretty good?"
"My grade school in Manehattan didn't have a lot of chess players, there wasn't a lot of skilled players that could challenge me. So, I think in lack of the challenge on the board, in the game, I applied those skills to the rest of my surroundings... To the ponies around me."
It was six moves before the first piece, a pawn of Twilight's, was taken, as both played somewhat defensively in the opening.
"This is how I always viewed ponies. Pieces on a chessboard. Each one with their own purpose, their own abilities. Moving and manipulating each one in acts of strategy, deception, deciding which ones to sacrifice towards the eventual goal of checkmate."
Cozy Glow slid the queen's bishop up through the opening her pawn had provided.
"So if not that, then what does it mean?" The pegasus asked after her move was completed.
"Maybe you weren't the one playing," Twilight offered as she pondered her next move. "Maybe..." she began, moving her knight up to challenge Cozy's bishop. "You were a piece on the board, part of a bigger game. After all, the three of you played your parts in uniting six races of Equus more than ever before in our histories."
Cozy studied the board for just a moment before sliding her king's rook over to capture Twilight's knight, holding it in her hoof.
"So what happens when the game is over, and all the pieces go back into the bags?" She asked, before depositing the captured piece into one of the felt bags next to the board.
"Who's to say the game is over? After all, you're still here, you're improving every day, and you're reflecting on who you were and how you can be better. But let's say the game is over..." Twilight said, taking advantage of the opening that drawing out Cozy's rook made, closing in for an instant checkmate with her queen. "If you've gone back into the box, I'd say that this is pretty good as boxes go, wouldn't you?" She asked, using a hoof to motion to the tower they were in. "Just because you're in the box now, doesn't mean you won't come out for another game. So I'd say it depends on how you want to look at your life. One long game of strategy, deception, and positioning, that you believe has since ended, at such a young age... Or many games, and when one ends, it doesn't mean another one won't begin sooner or later."
"So many questions, no answers." Cozy grumbled, tipping over her mated king. Twilight smiled gently.
"Some ponies have dedicated their entire lives to asking questions without answers; it's called the field of philosophy."
Twilight lit her horn up, and put all the remaining pieces on the board back into their respective bags, according to color.
"So Doctor Graymare tells me you've been doing quite a bit of reading. How have you been liking it?" Twilight asked as she carefully put the board back into her saddlebag on the floor.
"A good distraction from everything else going on up here," Cozy said, pointing a hoof at her forehead. "Daring Do is pretty exciting, Gusty the Great is really good. But there's one thing I've been noticing, and comparing myself to." The pegasus said.
"What's that?" Twilight asked.
"The villains. They're either fleshed out with really good backstories, and you can sympathize and understand their ambitions and their goals... Or they're not. They're cliched, just an antagonist to oppose the hero, and little more. Just there to drive the plot forward. I think back to my past... And find myself among the latter. I was willing to do anything for the most friends, the most power. But what was I going to do with it? If I had actually won, if I had gotten checkmate... What was to stop the pieces from being put away after the game was over? I find myself thinking back to what I was... And I can't understand any of it. If I can't understand why I was the way I was... How can I right those wrongs?" Cozy asked.
"Well, might as well get this out in the open. Cozy, you aren't going to be able to right all the wrongs of your past. Maybe some of them, but most of them you'll have to find some way to turn your back on your past. Because walking away from the mistakes you can't fix, and going forward as a better pony; that will be the best thing you can do for most of your mistakes."
"Alright, who's hungry? I've got carrot dogs with the works!" They heard Doctor Graymare call from downstairs.
Addendum: Doctor Graymare makes the most amazing carrot dogs.
Cozy woke up in a sweat, bolting up in her bed, and looking around, taking deep breaths as her eyes became accustomed to the darkness around her. She squinted, and couldn't see Doctor Graymare over on the couch.
"Doctor Graymare?" She called out, not getting an answer.
She slowly removed the blankets from herself, turning and hopping off the bed. As she got closer to the couch, she indeed saw that he wasn't there. That was a first. She stumbled along the couch as it was taking her eyes longer to acclimate to the darkened living space. If he wasn't upstairs, maybe one of the guards outside would know where he was at. The pegasus made her way over to the stairs, and slowly began to ascend them. She traipsed up the winding staircase, passing the front door, and continued up to the darkened library. Likewise, she found it empty and silent.
Until she heard the roof above start to creak.
She looked up, and her heart began to pound against her chest when she saw one of the wooden beams that held the roof up begin to glow orange. Her eyes widened as the glow increased, finally providing a light source to pierce the dark, but the beam gave way with a splintering crack as it fell to the second floor of the tower in flames, the pegasus screaming and backing down the first few stairs in fear. Smoke began to rise from the flaming beam, and she nearly tripped as she turned around towards the front door.
"Doctor Graymare? Guards???" She called, coming to the front door and tried to push or pull it open, but it wouldn't budge. She began to cough from the smoke that began to come down the stairs. With another desperate shove, the door gave way, and what she saw immediately stopped her in her tracks.
A young colt stood on the patio, completely engulfed in flames.
"Why, Cozy? Why did you do it?" He asked, seemingly in pain, but not putting any effort towards dousing his smoldering body.
Cozy screamed in terror as she took several frightened steps back and lost her footing, tripping and falling down the stairs to the basement living area. When she came to a halt at the bottom, she looked up, and saw that the colt had stepped inside the tower, as the fire above had engulfed the entire second floor.
He looked down at her as he began to follow her down the stairs.
"All I wanted to do was love my big sister..." He groaned in pain, leaving ashes and embers in his hoofsteps as he came down the stairs, Cozy backpedaling into the living quarters in a panic.
"Nimbus...!" She said, barely able to get a breath in as the smoke now was entering the bottom floor, the fire coming down the stairs along with her immolated younger brother.
"Please... It hurts... So hot..."
His mane began to fall off in glowing strands of orange, ash flowed out from between his lips, and his eyes glowed like white hot coals.
Cozy turned to hop up on her bed, going for the pitcher of water on the nightstand on the other side, only to find it wasn't there.
"Cozy..."
The pegasus filly screamed again as she whipped around to find him at the foot of her bed, and the flames now all around the living quarters, closing in from all sides.
"Please..." He begged, reaching out a blazing hoof towards her, dropping embers onto her blanket.
"No, stop! Get away!!!" She screamed, backing up to the headboard, having nowhere else to go.
"Cozy..."
The heat increasing further as her blankets caught fire, she closed her eyes and screamed as she internally begged for it to end.
"Cozy!"
"Cozy!" Doctor Graymare shouted, trying to shake the filly awake.
"No!!!" She shrieked, flailing a hoof out, and connecting with the stallion's snout. This made him draw back in pain, grasping his nose, but her eyes shot open, her pupils pinpricks, but she took several deep breaths, and saw that the fire was gone. He ignored the fact that his nose was bleeding lightly from the accidental hit, and again came forward.
"Cozy, it's alright. It was a nightmare, you're alright. You're safe. You hear me? You're safe." He said, taking a seat on the bed and pulling the sobbing pegasus into a hug.
"I... I didn't mean to... Nimbus I didn't mean to..." Was all the filly was able to get out before letting out nothing more than screaming wails as she buried her face in Graymare's chest as he wrapped his front legs around her. As he comforted her as best he could, he grabbed the water pitcher and glass at her bedside with his horn, and picked her up, setting her on his back as she gripped his neck, and began to go up the stairs, and softly opened the front door.
The guard on watch turned.
"Doctor?" The night watch inquired, wondering why they were stepping outside the tower at 3 AM.
"She just needs some fresh air. We won't go far." He replied, and the guard allowed them to pass when he saw the trembling, weeping pegasus on the unicorn's back. They went down the exterior stairs onto the front lawn, well within view of both guards on duty, and she loosened her grip enough to let herself be tugged away with his magic and gently set down on the grass.
"Here, take a few deep breaths and have a drink." He told her, pouring a glass of water for her.
"I... I didn't mean to..." She wept, accepting the glass and taking a gulp. "I thought they would get out... I just wanted them to think I was gone..."
Day 45
Today, unfortunately, I'm going to have a rather somber conversation with Princess Twilight. Last night, Cozy had quite the bone chilling nightmare. She's okay, if a bit shaken up, and my nose stopped aching after a few hours. I'm going to have to talk to the princess on how best to proceed from here.
Twilight entered the tower and made her way downstairs, where she saw Doctor Graymare on the couch, flipping through his medical journal. He looked up at her when he heard her hoofsteps come down the stairs.
"Is she alright?" She asked.
"I think she's napping upstairs as she got a little farther in the latest Gusty the Great book." Graymare told her as she stepped into the living area.
"How bad was it?" She asked.
"See for yourself." Graymare said, grabbing Cozy's journal that he had encouraged her to write in after she couldn't get back to sleep this morning, turning it to the most recent entry before levitating it over to Twilight, who first took note of the teardrop stains on the page, and how shaky and unsteady the writing was.
Early this morning I had a nightmare involving my little brother Nimbus. The entire tower caught fire, and I saw him in the doorway as I tried to get out. His entire body was on fire, and he chased me downstairs as the whole place was engulfed in flames. He kept asking me why I did it.
When Doctor Graymare took me outside to calm me down, I told myself that I thought they would get out, that I just wanted them to think I was gone. I remember just wanting to get away. I don't know if I want to remember anything else, honestly.
I'm scared. Just when I think I'm making progress, something like this happens, and I'm reminded of what a monster I was. I know Twilight is trying her best to treat me like a new pony, but it's still the same body. The same hooves that started that fire are the same hooves that I have now. The same wings I flew away from that apartment with are the same wings I have now. My mom and Nimbus didn't deserve that, and I can't imagine trying something like that just to get away on my own.
Twilight slowly lowered the journal and looked at Graymare.
"Do you think it happened that way? That she really thought they'd get out in time?" Twilight asks.
"Honestly, I don't think it should matter how things really happened. I think we should consider ourselves lucky she's able to reason with some of her past actions like this. If she keeps thinking of herself as a cold-blooded arsonist and murderer, I doubt we'd get anywhere.
"I... I don't know what we could do. Do we ask Luna to keep an eye on her every single night?" Twilight asked.
"Princess, the irony of what I'm about to say is not lost on me... But I'm not sure I want to tinker with her mind as she sleeps. The brain sorts and organizes memories, thoughts and information during sleep cycles. I'd theorize that it's one of the best ways she'll adapt to her empathy. I don't want to hamper that process at all. Back in the dungeon, she rarely got enough sleep to have nightmares. Here, they're terrifying, but not recurring, at least not yet. I honestly think the best way to proceed for now is to be there for her when she wakes up. She has to confront what she did to her family, one way or another." Graymare said.
"How do we help her do that?"
"Did anything survive that fire? Anything physical at all that she could face?" He asked.
"Her father wasn't home at the time, and he's stated quite clearly that he doesn't want anything to do with her. In fact, he was the one who planted the idea of this magical treatment in the first place, if not flat out putting an end to her. I'm not sure if he'd be any help." Twilight answered.
"Are you absolutely sure? Something physical to hold, or to even look at, would help her face this part of her past. It can't solely be in her sleep." Graymare told the princess, who took a deep breath in thought.
"If you think it's truly that important, I'll have my chariot prepared and head to Manehattan first thing in the morning to have a talk with Stratus. I can't make any promises, though, I hope you understand that."
Graymare nodded.
"In the meantime, we are the only two ponies she's seen in weeks. Is there anypony else, from before her imprisonment, that she could see? Maybe another point of view other than the two of us would help her see how far she's come already." The doctor suggested.
Twilight put a hoof to her chin.
"I think there might be. I'll see what I can get arranged before I leave for Manehattan in the morning. Will you be alright with her in the meantime?" She asked. Graymare immediately nodded.
"More than enough books to keep her occupied in the meantime."
Princess Twilight trotted down the Manehattan neighborhood as the noon sun shined overhead. Not even Canterlot got this bustling except for the biggest holidays. She had left her royal chariot at the corner of Avenue A where it wouldn't be as in the way, or as noticeable. She still got a few looks of from ponies who recognized the Princess of Friendship; Celestia told her to cherish these last few months before the growth spurt would really set in and there'd be absolutely no blending into a crowd.
She double checked the address in her file folder, and headed up the brick stairs of the third to last complex, and through the front door. After trotting up two flights of stairs, she found the door for apartment C4, and knocked. She heard muffled hoofsteps on the other side come up to the door, and there was a pause, and she assumed he was looking through the peephole to see who his unexpected guest was.
The chain lock was released, the knob turned, and the door opened to reveal Stratus, Cozy Glow's father, whom she last saw flying away from the Canterlot Castle hedge maze after turning his back on the statue more than a month ago.
"Princess Twilight Sparkle. I can only imagine what this is about." The navy blue pegasus greeted, standing in his doorway.
"Stratus, I wanted to give you an update on Cozy, and see if I could get some help."
"Update away, but I believe my answer was quite clear last time." Stratus answered.
"Well, your 'fire an ethically questionable mind-altering spell' idea is the one we ended up going with. It's been a struggle. But we've given her empathy and a conscience, and are trying our best to help her adapt to it and confront her past." Twilight explained.
"Good luck. I guess if it doesn't work out you can turn her back to stone and take my hammer and chisel idea too."
Twilight took a breath, drawing on her practiced ability of standing on ceremony and keeping herself composed.
"Stratus... We're trying to heal your daughter, how can you be so heartless?" She asked.
"Are you judging me, Princess?" He asked, his gaze narrowing at the alicorn. "How dare you. I don't care what magic you fired at her brain. I don't care what she's like now, and I certainly don't care how sorry she is. It won't bring either of them back. All I remember is what she was like; ten years of me and the love of my life trying and failing to raise that hellspawn properly. And because of her, all of our efforts, and my entire life, literally, went up in flames."
"Fine, you don't care. That's your choice." Twilight began, straining to keep her emotions in check. "But regardless of how you feel, she has been really, really struggling with what she did, and she deserves closure just as much as you do, sir."
"Like hell she does. But fine, I'll humor you if it'll get you off of my door mat. One moment."
Stratus stepped back into his apartment, leaving the door open as he disappeared around the corner into the den. Twilight heard some light clinking of glass, but couldn't make out much else. After a few moments, Stratus came back around the corner with a small bundle of cloth.
"She'll get the same closure I got," the pegasus said, tossing the bundle to the alicorn, who caught it with her magic. "Now keep that murdering bitch away from me and off my property."
With that, he slammed the door, leaving Twilight on the front step, and she looked down at the cloth. As she turned to head back down the stairs to the exit, she carefully lifted away the folds, and and what she saw contained within caused her throat to tighten in anger and frustration.
By the time Twilight had returned to Canterlot and entered her old study tower that had been inhabited by Cozy and Doctor Graymare, evening had fallen over the capital, and Graymare had just served dinner. He saw her come down the stairs as he was setting Cozy's plate in front of her as she sat at the table with her journal.
"Ah, Princess. Good to see you. There's more on the stove if you'd like some."
"No, I'm good, thank you," Twilight began, politely declining. "Can I talk to you upstairs?" She asked.
"Sure. Be right back, Cozy." Graymare told the pegasus, before heading upstairs into the library with the princess.
"So, how did things go in Manehattan?" He asked once they were in the library.
"Honestly, about eight hours wasted. Stratus... Has become rather bitter in the aftermath of what's happened to his family. He has absolutely no interest in helping her, new magical mindset or not." Twilight reported.
"Princess, if I may. I'm not that surprised at Stratus' reaction. From what you've told me, up until just over a month ago, he assumed Cozy died in the fire with the rest of his family. Now you've shown him that she is alive, and very likely the cause of his wife's and son's demise. This news isn't two or three years old to him; it's fresh in his mind. I think we have to leave him to what he decides to make of his life, and focus on the filly downstairs who needs our help more than he does. When I said she needed something physical to confront, I was referring more along the lines of an object that may have survived, and not bitter survivors." Graymare replied. Twilight nodded in agreement.
"In that case, the trip wasn't a complete waste." She said, opening her saddlebags, and came out with the wrapped bundle of cloth, unfolding it and showing him the contents within. Graymare understood what it was within moments.
"Do you think she's ready for something like this?" Graymare asked, his voice lowering to just above a whisper.
"I think I'll let you be the judge of that, Doctor. You've spent much more time with her than I have." She replied, wrapping the cloth back up, and offered it to him.
"In that case, I think I've got something in mind. You can go talk with her while I prepare something up here." Graymare said, taking the cloth in his magic, and began getting to work on one of the nearby tables, leaving Twilight to go back down to the living quarters down on the lower level, where she saw Cozy poking at her food.
"Hey there, Cozy." Twilight greeted.
"He doesn't want anything to do with me, does he?" Cozy asked somberly as she stared down at her plate of vegetable stew.
"What are you talking about?" Twilight asked, trying to feign ignorance.
"I wasn't asleep in the library yesterday when you and Doctor Graymare were talking. I know you went to Manehattan to talk to my dad. I hardly expect him to forgive me, and honestly, you shouldn't waste your time trying to convince him otherwise."
"Cozy, I've taken what Graymare told me to heart. You are a new pony, and we—"
"But I'm not . Not in the whole sense. Princess, this conscience you've given me doesn't alleviate me from the responsibility or guilt for the things I've done. In some cases, it's amplified it." Cozy told her.
"Cozy, what happened to your family was your fault. It was. But if your dad can't or won't move on yet, you can't let that stop the progress you've made. Because you have made progress. The sins of your past might mark you forever to some ponies, but not to Doctor Graymare, not to others, and not to me. Alright?" Twilight asked.
Cozy managed a slight smile.
"Okay. Thank you, Princess." She answered.
"And one of those others is interested in seeing you. You're going to be taking a little road trip tomorrow, and I hope you enjoy yourself." Twilight told her as Doctor Graymare came down the stairs.
"Well, I've got to get going. We'll talk more when you get back tomorrow. You two have a nice evening."
With that, Twilight headed back towards the stairs, passing Graymare, who had a saddlebag on. After Twilight had exited the tower, he sat down with Cozy at the dining table as she finally started into her veggie stew.
"So, kiddo, I wanted to talk to you about your nightmare the other night. I think it's your mind telling you that it's something that you have to confront. But you have to be sure it's something you're ready to do. I need you to decide for yourself when you're really, truly ready for the next step."
Graymare lit his horn up, and pulled a small, polished, hinged oak box out of his saddlebag.
"There's something in this box that I'm not sure you're ready to see," he began, floating the box over to the back center of her desk, and set it gently down.
"I want you to keep writing, reading, dreaming, whatever you feel you need to, and when you think you're prepared to confront and face what you did to your family, I want you to open that box, and decide what to do with what's inside. Not before you're ready though, understood?"
Cozy swallowed her current bite of soup, and nodded.
"So where are we going tomorrow?"
"We're taking the train south. There's somecreature we think you need to see again, to get another point of view. So finish up, you'll need to get to bed early, our train leaves dark and early."
Cozy stared out at the scenery on the side seat of their open air chariot as it headed south. The train ride ended at Hounduras, and now they were taking a chariot up the Yucatan Ponynsula, currently passing the only natural Zap Apple grove on the continent, aside from the orchard at Sweet Apple Acres. She saw the rolling hills begin to give way to steeper cliffs and forests.
Accompanying her on this trip was Doctor Graymare, the two chariot drivers, and Starlight Glimmer, effectively her chaperone for the day. The School of Friendship's headmare had likewise complimented her new manestyle, and was happy to see that their combined spell had resulted in some progress.
What everypony had remained mum about so far, was what they were doing all the way out here. Honestly, it didn't really matter where they were going or what they were visiting; as nice as the tower was, she was grateful to be out of Canterlot for once. Her thoughts also frequently went back to the box that Doctor Graymare had given her last night after Twilight had left. Part of her wondered what was inside, but at the same time, she wasn't sure if she was ready to see, not just yet. So she had let it be for the night.
The designated path came to and end as the trees and shrubs made travel with a vehicle rather impractical. Starlight, Graymare, and Cozy hopped out.
"Gentlecolts, you can head back to Hounduras, if you like. We'll meet you back there when we're finished here." Starlight told the two chariot drivers, who saluted in response, and got the vehicle turned around and headed back the way they had come, leaving the trio to continue through the brush alone.
"Who exactly is all the way out here?" Cozy asked Starlight.
"It's not too much farther, you'll see." The headmare replied.
True to her word, it was only another couple minutes of weaving between plants and trees before they came to a cliffside, which presented them with a magnificent, lush clearing, with all manner of plant life. Near the center of all this colorful flora was a towering stone structure, before the continent gave way to the Sparkling Sea.
"The changeling hive?" Cozy asked as they started hopping their way down the cliff. If she was visiting an old friend, what did Ocellus want?
A light breeze moved through the plants, making the entire area feel alive. They were about halfway through the clearing when a dark cyan, horned changeling came up to them.
"Hey there, Starlight. Nice to see you again so soon. Who are your friends?" The guard asked.
"Hey, Pharynx. These are the ponies I told Thorax I'd be bringing today." Starlight replied.
"Yeah, he told me to expect somepony. You must be Cozy Glow. Nice to meet you." Pharynx said, before turning and shouting behind him.
"Hey, Chrys, your friends are here!" He called.
Back a few dozen feet, well camouflaged behind the shrubs she was attending to, a tall changeling female with a single horn stood up and looked towards them. She opened her wings, and took flight as she momentarily floated over to the changeling guard.
"Great to see you again, Starlight. Hello, Cozy Glow." She greeted.
Cozy hadn't recognized her at first, but when she heard the voice, it immediately hit home.
"C... Chrysalis?" She asked. The former changeling queen nodded. She had taken on a warm peach gradient to her chitin, and everything about her, her wings, horn, and legs, looked considerably more... Whole.
"It's nice to see you again, Cozy. Your mane looks great." Chrysalis replied.
"I'm Doctor Graymare. I've been helping Cozy along these past few weeks." Graymare introduced himself, offering his hoof in greeting.
"Well, I can tell she's in good hooves." Chrysalis replied, accepting his hoof, and the two shook.
"We'll let Chrysalis show you around, Cozy. Pharynx and I can give Graymare the two-bit tour."
Starlight, Graymare, and Pharynx went towards the main entrance to the hive, and left the changeling and pegasus outside among the flora.
"So, they were able to help you too, huh?" Cozy asked, as they started walking.
"I was... Quite reluctant at first, but yes. After a couple weeks of being accepted back here, I began to see and feel the light and love of friendship."
"So you rule here again?" Cozy asked.
"No, no. Thorax is still in charge, and I think that's for the best. I've found my role as the hive's gardener."
"So you're responsible for all this?" Cozy asked, feeling the petals of one of the more exotic looking flowers.
"Not all of it, no. But I have begun gathering and cataloging various seeds, and I've replanted the favored foods of Dread Maulwurfs on the outer edges, so it doesn't come closer looking for more. I remember when this place was desolate and barren, and now, with my help, our surroundings are more lush and vibrant than ever before."
"That's great that you've found your place here." Cozy told her.
"Thank you. You're not the only visitor I'm getting, either. Somepony called Mistmane wants to come down and help me plant some crystal flowers, whatever those are. She claims they'll resonate with the love of the hive." Chrysalis told her.
"I'm sure you'll make it absolutely beautiful."
"So what about you?" The former queen asked.
"My journey has been considerably... Rougher. When I was first released from stone, it came with a spell that granted me a conscience. To say that it's been a struggle would be an understatement. I spent the first month alone with my thoughts in a cell, and luckily, Doctor Graymare was able to talk Twilight out of that method when I got deathly ill. My living conditions have since improved, but I'm still struggling with what I did in the past."
"I'm sure you'll find a way to deal with it." The changeling reassured her.
"I'm not so sure. Chrysalis, I set my family's apartment on fire to get away from them, my mom and little brother didn't make it out, and I don't know if that was on purpose or an accident. I'm having a really, really hard time dealing with it. My dad doesn't want anything to do with me because of that, and I can hardly blame him. So, if I have changed, and if I do find a way to move on... I mean, what then? What do I have to look forward to?" Cozy asked.
"Absolutely everything. Even in these first two minutes, I can tell how much you've changed. If the hive can go from a desolate wasteland to a lush prairie, and if I can go from a dethroned queen whose lust for revenge brought on borderline dementia, who talked to a piece of wood for companionship, all the way to this, then I'm sure you'll find a way through your change too. You're no longer the manipulating, conniving little brat I had to put up with in Grogar's lair." Chrysalis said with a bit of a chuckle. "Hopefully you'll see that for yourself someday soon. Because no one can tell you, I'm afraid. I guess that's one of the advantages I had as a changeling; my metamorphosis quite literally showed me when I had crossed that bridge. You're going to have to see it for yourself, on the inside."
Cozy smiled, came forward and hugged the changeling.
"Thanks, Chrysalis. It's nice to know I have another friend."
"Same here, Cozy. Now let's go find the others. Don't want them to start lunch without us, now do we?"
The sun had set by the time Cozy and Doctor Graymare had stepped back into their tower at Canterlot. They headed down to the basement.
"I know the changelings gave us quite the big lunch, but I can fix us up something before we head to bed if you like."
Cozy only passively nodded as Graymare headed to the kitchen, and he hadn't notice that her eyes hadn't turned away from the oak box on her desk since they had set foot down here. His attention was on the fridge until he heard her take a seat and pull it towards her.
"Cozy...?" He asked, setting the bread and refrigerated daffodils on the counter.
"I'm ready. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I have to face it, because I've changed. Everyone has told me that."
Graymare didn't say anything else as he stepped out of the kitchenette, and stood at her side, as she took a deep breath, let it out, and slowly opened the top, the lid squeaking lightly in the otherwise silent tower.
Cozy felt her throat tighten as a pair of glass vials were unveiled, each containing ashes, resting on a folded cloth. She opened the box all the way, and felt hot tears spill down her cheeks as she took another shaky breath, before leaning over and wrapped her hooves around Graymare, who had come in for a hug, but said nothing further as she quietly wept.
There would be no great revelation of what her past self had intended to do, no sudden answers that would clear her conscience. The only thing she could do was decide where to go from here.
"D-Do..." She choked out. "Do you think we could take a trip into the city tomorrow? I want to go see a florist shop." She sniffled.
"As soon as I have your sandwich made, I'll go ask Twilight. I have to check with her on something before she retires for the night anyway." Graymare answered, lightly rubbing her back.
"Thank you." Cozy said, taking another deep breath before wiping her eyes, gently pushing the box back to the rear of the desk, but kept the lid open, and opened her journal again, getting a quill and inkwell ready for use as Graymare returned to the kitchen counter to prepare a small dinner.
Princess Twilight was the last to exit the town hall with a yawn as she filed through the last of her paperwork. Why wasn't there a way to make these things shorter?
"Princess?" She heard as she looked up from her paperwork, feeling a twinge of annoyance after a long day, before quickly letting it go when she recognized the familiar voice.
"Doctor Graymare. Uh, good evening. Anything I can help with?" She asked, yawning again.
"Yes, Princess. Two things. First, Cozy wants to know if we can make a trip into town tomorrow to see a few florist shops. After visiting the changeling hive, I think she wants to start a small garden on the lawn outside the tower."
"Certainly. You two can go whenever you're ready. What was the second?" She asked.
"The second is... Much more substantial. I have a very significant proposal I'd like you to hear..."
Cozy knelt down on the lawn in front of Twilight's tower, carefully digging a small hold in the dirt, trying to get it to match the one she had already dug the same distance from the tower on the other side. After a trip to three florist shops downtown, and a trip to the library immediately after, followed by a week of rather intense studying, she was now marveled at how Earth ponies were naturally talented when it came to gardening and agriculture. Just to get these holes dug the proper way far enough away from the tower took nearly a week of research. But now, it seemed she was finally ready.
Now that the hole was ready, she looked back to the wheelbarrow where she had carefully set two young saplings and a bag of nutrient mix. Next to that, rested the oak box with her family's remains. As she got to her hooves and walked toward the wheelbarrow, Twilight came floating down from the castle.
"Finally getting started? I know the feeling, wanting to thoroughly research a hobby before finally trying it out. I read my first chemistry lab kit cover to cover when I was a filly before I touched anything else in the box. What a read." The princess reminisced.
"This is much more than a hobby, Princess." Cozy began, carefully picking up the first sapling and gently setting it in the hole, going back for the box and nutrient mix. "After seeing the changeling hive and talking with Chrysalis, and seeing what was in this box, I knew this was finally a way I could start to move on." She explained, as she opened the box again, and took out one of the vials, containing the ashes of her little brother Nimbus, and sprinkled it around where she had set the sapling, before grabbing a small mound of nutrient mix with her bare hooves, and gently packed it down.
"It's a way I can take the lives my actions destroyed, and use what remains to help create something new."
With that, she set everything back in the wheelbarrow, and rolled it around to the opposite side, where her first dug hole was waiting. She repeated the process, carefully setting the sapling down in the center, sprinkling her mother's ashes around it, and then set the nutrient mix in.
"Cozy, that is an incredibly mature, and not to mention touching, way of looking at this situation. I'm proud of you." Twilight said, smiling down at her. Cozy smiled back.
"I also thought it'd be a good way to be reminded of the progress I've been making, and the progress I have yet to make. I can look down and see how they've grown on the days where I feel like I'm at a standstill. With your permission, Princess, I'd like to eventually make an entire ring of flowerbeds around the tower, connecting these two trees. A memorial garden of sorts."
"Absolutely. Consider the entire lawn around the tower your area to tend however you see fit." Twilight told her.
"Thank you so much, Princess." Cozy said happily, giving a bow before going for the watering can in the wheelbarrow.
Day 54
Cozy's progress has continued substantially, especially now that she's started a focus on gardening. Now, Cozy, and I, have a major decision to make. I've already discussed it with Princess Twilight, and she's on board, as long as Cozy agrees.
There's really nothing else to write down until I've spoken with her, and now seems a good a time as any.
Graymare stood at the coffee table, looking down at his open journal. After speaking with Princess Twilight last week, he had spent what little spare time he had getting everything squared away. He took a deep breath, and wondered how he should go about it. He didn't want it to seem rehearsed, but if he went out there and pulled it straight from the heart, he couldn't help but be a little worried that he was going to stumble through it a bit, regardless of all the medical diagnoses he had given to countless patients over the years.
Taking another breath, he closed his journal, left it where it was, and picked up the unsealed envelope in his magical grasp, and went up the stairs to the main entrance. He opened the door and stepped into the early afternoon sunlight. Down in the lawn, Cozy was giving her new saplings their first watering, with Princess Twilight overseeing.
He took another deep breath as he made his way down the stairs, and approached Cozy's north tree.
"How does it look, Doctor Graymare?" Cozy asked, eager to show somepony else her work.
"It looks fantastic. I can't wait to see them grow, and what else you do out here. But, I have something I'd like to give you. Something rather important."
Her trees now safely planted, Graymare now had her complete attention.
"Seeing how you've changed and grown these past few weeks has made me realize that I've been, well, missing something in my life. A void, if you will. I'm wondering if you'd like to fill that void." Graymare told her, floating the envelope over to her.
Her curiosity certainly piqued, Cozy stepped forward, and accepted the envelope from his magical grasp, lifted the flap, and pulled the folded parchment from within. After she unfolded it and began to read the printed and hoof-written text, her eyes widened, and her hooves began to tremble. After a moment, she tore her gaze away from the parchment, and looked up at Graymare.
"R-Really...? You... You want... " She asked, her voice shaking as she got choked up, and tears began to prick the corners of her eyes.
Twilight stood a few feet away, smiling lightly, wondering just how long this was going to take, and she was happy to be here for this moment, remembering how he had come to her with this idea last week.
A week ago...
"What sort of proposal, Doctor?" Twilight asked, as she noticed Graymare had taken on a bit of a look uncertainty.
"Your majesty, I'm not sure what your long term plan is for Cozy, but when we're done with her, I'm worried that she's not going to have anywhere to go. Her last remaining family wants nothing to do with her, and I'm afraid that will hang over her for sometime, maybe the rest of her life, unless we can give her some kind of an alternative. With your permission, Your Majesty, I would like to make a commitment to her that would prove beyond any doubt, that when she is done here, she is wanted and loved. Would you consider letting me legally adopt Cozy Glow and take her as my daughter?"
The Princess of Friendship's eyes widened, and Graymare took that opportunity to continue.
"My career path never really gave me time for a family, and seeing Cozy grow and heal once we got her out of that cell has been so incredibly rewarding to me, and I would like that to continue once we both feel she has progressed far enough. She'll need legal guardianship as it is once everything is said and done here. So what do you say?"
Graymare smiled down at the wide-eyed filly who was trying her best to hold back tears in her surprise.
"Yes, Cozy. Seeing how you have changed and grown has been one of the best feelings I've had in my life. I know you'll be here in this tower for awhile still, especially since you want to see your new trees grow. But when the time comes, I'd love to have you move back to Ponyville with me. My career never gave me the time to start a family, so if you'd like to give me my first chance at one, I'd be honored to give you your second."
Cozy couldn't stop the tears as her eyes returned to the Equestrian Certificate of Adoption, already having Graymare's signature, and Princess Twilight's as a witness. All it was missing was her own. Her shoulders heaved as she stepped forward and threw her front hooves around Doctor Graymare. Never in her wildest dreams, her highest hopes in the past few weeks, did she think she'd get a chance like this.
"I'm really hoping that's a yes." Graymare said as he put a hoof around her, nuzzling the top of her head. He felt her nod against his barrel, not letting go of the embrace.
"I... I don't know what to say. Other than, thank you so much. I hope I'm worthy of a second chance like this." She cried.
"You are, rest assured, Cozy. I know we have a ways to go up here, and I'll be there with you every step of the way. You'll keep learning and growing, along with these new trees."
He looked up at Princess Twilight, whose horn lit up as Cozy released Graymare from the embrace, and levitated an inked quill over to her, also holding the certificate steady. Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, she took the quill in her mouth, and put her signature down at the bottom.
"I've got a frame ready for that inside." Twilight said.
"Thank you for this opportunity, Princess. I won't let you down." Graymare told Twilight as she passed them, taking the certificate inside the tower for framing. He looked down at Cozy, who was still wiping her eyes.
"I won't let you down, either, I promise." The unicorn told the filly.
"You never have. I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you... D... Dad." Cozy said, both of their hearts skipping a beat upon hearing that. "I'd say this is the start of a new adventure for both of us."
Now Graymare felt his heart climb up towards his throat as he came in for another hug.
"Well, I know you've been out here since just after breakfast, so let's go get ourselves a late lunch. What do you say?" Graymare said, levitating Cozy up and setting her on his back as he turned towards the tower to go join Twilight. Cozy leaned down and wrapped her hooves around his neck.
"Sure thing, dad."
Author's Note
Well, part of me wanted to wait until I had a little art from my dearest, but figured I could always add that in later.
Thanks for reading!
Edit: Art complete!
