...but will I see you on the morrow?
He was glad it was raining.
Here lies Fluttershy
Element of Kindness
Friend to All
That was all that was left of her. A tombstone lay next to five others in a solitary garden on the outskirts of Ponyville. A tall mismatched creature stood in front of it. He turned the words over in his head, not even bothering to shield himself from the downpour around him. What would be the point? It wasn’t like he could get sick from something as mundane as rain. He was the Spirit of Chaos. Nothing could stop him, at least not permanently. Sure his form could be disintegrated. He could be turned to stone. Even his connection to magic could be stolen, but as long as he was connected to chaos, he would always be. It wasn’t like he could be struck down by simple might or magic.
Or a light cough.
Something landed on the wet grass behind, Discord. There had been a brief popping noise as well or maybe it had been an odd crack of thunder. He didn’t care.
Here lies Fluttershy
Element of Kindness
Friend to All
“Discord?”
Oh, was that who had shown up?
The voice asked more gently this time, though it was still loud enough to be heard over the hard rain, “Discord, it’s been a month and Spike and the others told me you haven’t moved from this spot.”
Had it been that long already? That might explain the vines growing around his ankles. Discord could have sworn it had only been a day or so. Time flies when you’re having… He didn’t finish that thought.
“Discord I,” the voice hesitated, “I think you should come back to Canterlot with me. Spike says he misses talking with you about Ogres and Oubliettes. Some of my new students at the school have been asking about you too! I’m sure they could learn a lot more by meeting you in person than just from explanations and textbooks. It couldn’t hurt to meet some new creatures right? Maybe you could make some new friends.”
There it was.
Discord didn’t get muscle aches. Being comprised of pure chaos did wonders for the body. Still, he felt stiffness as he turned his serpentine body halfway around to stare at her. It wasn’t entirely unlike being trapped in stone again. He looked at the purple alicorn behind him with only one bloodshot eye. The other stayed trained on the grave. She had grown so tall with age. Like a persistent weed, she was now as tall as Celestia. Her sparkling mane and tail flowed in a sickeningly sweet breeze of magic. Its color reminded him of Luna. She may as well have been the two other alicorns fused together. She did do their jobs for them now after all, so she might as well have been them for all the difference it made. She was looking at him from under a screen of magic that was just big enough to keep her safe from the rain. She had ditched the jewelry and crown tonight. He always found it a bit unsightly to be honest. She wasn’t the wise and politically savvy leader that Celestia had been. Nor was she the battle hardened ex-warrior Luna was. A crown just looked odd on her. There was concern in her eyes.
“I don’t want new friends,” Discord said in a low tone.
He turned back to look at the grave with both eyes. It wasn’t worn, not yet. Given enough time however and it would be nothing more than a pile of rubble-if that. He’d seen it happen a million times before. Except before he’d never really cared. Sure, the sight left a bad taste in his mouth from how predictable and orderly the whole thing was, but that was about it. Now though?
Here lies Fluttershy
Element of Kindness
Friend to All
“I really think you should come to the castle with me, Discord. Standing around here day in and day out, it’s not healthy,” Twilight Sparkle said.
Was that the slightest hint of fear he heard in her voice? Maybe it was something else. What was there to be afraid of now? The worse had already come to pass.
That almost brought out a tiny chuckle from him. He didn’t bother to turn around this time. “I don’t recall you being crowned the Princess of Good Health.”
A silence passed between them like a fawn running from a hunter.
Something big and purple creeped into the edges of his vision. It was getting close to obscuring Discord’s view of the tombstone, “Discord I-“
He pushed her out of the way with one claw.
Here lies Fluttershy
Element of Kindness
Friend to All
If he didn’t keep an eye on it, he just knew it would be nothing more than sand and dust the next time he blinked. So he hadn’t since they lowered her into the dirt. Now something was getting in the way, something with an undeserved title. “Honestly, I really think-“
The powerful spirit snapped a claw and she was a good ten paces away from him. Maybe this time she’d take the hint. He heard squishy hoof steps getting closer. Marvelous.
However, instead of going around him, the hoof steps were replaced by wing flaps as Twilight Sparkle flew behind the gravestone. She grabbed the edges of it. It was probably so she could better look him in the eyes. Her hooves were getting dangerously close to covering the words up! “Why-“
He snapped so fast it would make a hummingbird’s wings jealous. He grabbed the carved slab of marble like he was holding on for dear life.
Here lies Fluttershy
Element of Kindness
Friend to All
It was still there. It hadn’t weathered. It hadn’t crumbled to dust, not yet. And just how long do you think that will last you old fool? Discord pushed the thought away for the one thousandth two hundredth forty seventh time. He’d kept count, more out of boredom than anything else. He finally released his hold on her. Then Twilight cantered to his side again. Of course, why wouldn’t she. She was probably going for the hard sell this time. He braced himself.
“Discord, look at me,” Her tone was more serious now.
Oh joy, how very fun. The queen of the libraries was about to give a speech of some sort again. It likely wouldn’t be very good, so he tuned her out. He’d had centuries of experience with that at least. Celestia had been a pompous talker too. It was probably going to involve the word “friendship” a lot.
“Discord, look at me,” she said again.
She was starting to sound irritated. Discord would have found that amusing at many points in his infinite life span. Now was not one of those times. In fact he was pretty sure she was about to explode on him for ignoring her in three…two…one…
“Please,” she said.
Well that was unexpected. He always liked that about her though. Just when he thought he’d seen her whole shtick, she’d throw a curve ball his way. Discord took one of his eyeballs out, spit on it, rubbed it and threw it away from them both. Of course, it boomeranged back at them. He merely ducked. Twilight only just caught the spinning body part in her magical grasp before looking at it.
“There, I’m looking at you. Are you happy now, Princess?” he said.
He noticed the frown and drooping eyelids. “Not really.”
“Well neither am I, Princess. Now go away. Can’t you see I’m busy?” he said.
Twilight sighed as the bloodshot eye teleported out of her grasp and back into the draconequus’ head, “Yes I can, but I know this isn’t good for you. Subjecting yourself to this?” She paused to take a breath, “You’ll only succeed in making yourself more miserable.”
“As if you could comprehend misery,” he said quietly.
If Discord had bothered to look he would have seen Twilight’s concern and sadness twist into hurt and anger. He might even have gotten a spiteful laugh out of the look, but he didn’t see it. That would mean looking away from her.
“Ex-cuse me?! In case you haven’t noticed Discord, I’M NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS EITHER!” she screamed. “I know you’re sad! I’m sad too! But that doesn’t mean you get to throw your misery in my face like you’re the only one suffering!” Tears were mixing with rain now. Perhaps they had been for awhile. “She was the last one I had! Now it’s just me, Spike, the Princesses and you! Not one of my original friends is alive anymore! Do you really think I’m perfectly okay with that?! And why wont you look at me?!”
Here lies Fluttershy
Element of Kindness
Friend to All
Discord squeezed his claws so hard they would have drawn blood if he had any. “Yes.”
“W-What?” Twilight said, taken off guard.
Discord’s face twisted, “You are perfectly okay with this. I know this for a fact because of three things,” he held up a claw, one digit rising after the other. “One: You ponies are so in love with order and harmony that you accept death as if you could do nothing about it. Two: I’ve seen you make new friends already. Don’t deny. You’ve been a busy little queen bee, making replacements for the originals.”
Twilight was about to interrupt but suddenly found a cold metal plate bolted to her mouth in a white flash.
“And finally,” he said. He held up the last digit. His voice went darker than the blackest, most hopeless void. “You let. Her. Die.”
Twilight managed to fight back her momentary fear enough to magic away the metal covering her mouth. If looks could kill, the draconequus would have dropped dead just then. He didn’t though. He couldn’t.
“That’s not fair Discord and you know it,” she said.
“No, it really isn’t,” he replied.
She huffed. Discord continued.
“Neither is life Princess, but beings like us have to go through a lot of it anyway.” His voice took on an archaic and sarcastic tone. “Oh, but who am I to lay the blame upon your hooves! For twas not one, but three actors upon the stage that struck such dubious blows against each other’s hearts!”
Behind Discord, four copies of him materialized. One copy was wearing golden laurels on his head and sitting in his old chaos throne. The other three wore white togas and were sneaking up behind the throne with jagged daggers in their claws. They disappeared as fast as they had arrived right before they could deliver the killing blow. The original spirit of chaos still stood in the rain. As unmoving as the stone he stared at.
Twilight wasn’t sure what to say exactly. How could she defuse the situation and make him see reason? He’d never acted like this before. He was so distant, so unhappy, so bitter. A part of her was still upset, but a much bigger part was despondent at not being able to help her friend.
Discord took full advantage of her lull in speech. “No it wasn’t just you who told me to let things play out this way. Oh, no no, sweet thing that she was, Fluttershy herself made me swear not to keep her going after the others were gone. Why wouldn’t she? She loved others more than she loved herself. She wanted to be with them some day, to let nature run its course. She accepted death so casually that it made me sick!”
Twilight took a step closer. She tried to sound hopeful, for him, but her false confidence diminished with every word. “Discord, it’s not your fault. Every creature ages and eventually passes. Some just, take a little longer.”
Discord was quiet.
Here lies Fluttershy
Element of Kindness
Friend to All
“Princess, you like facts don’t you? Of course you do.”
“I’m not here as the princess, I’m here as Twilight, your friend,” she said.
Discord ignored her. “Did you know that not a single pony died when I ruled Equestria?”
Twilight started to nod, but remembered that Discord hadn’t looked at her since she got there. “I know. Celestia told me you never killed, even when you treated Equestria like your own personal toy chest.”
“No Princess, nopony ever died- ever. Not once in my thousand years as a ruler,” he said.
Twilight looked down. Then she looked back up, eyes wide. “But that’s-“
“Impossible?” Discord finished. He almost laughed again. “Such was my day-to-day, Princess. Granted, I couldn’t influence the whole world in such a way; nearly a continent of pure unfettered chaos was about what I could manage. Although, at the time I suppose I was stretched rather thin. Even chaos has its limits I’m afraid, after an eon of constant use. I could work around such limits if I got creative. There’s always a work-around. But that would have been work and I was living it up at the time. I was having so much fun in fact; that I assumed that everypony was as happy in my paradise as I was, with the exception of a few uptights and the princesses. It wasn’t a big deal. They could live forever in my wonderland of confusion and fun, where nothing had to make sense. After all, what fun is there in making sense.”
I remember when he first said those words. They used to make me so afraid. Now they just sound so-
“I went back on our little deal of course,” Discord started again, wringing his claws together. “I kept her alive longer than she would have lasted otherwise. Did you know that, Princess?”
Images of a joyful fluttering pegasus with energy to spare and senses as sharp as the day they met came to Twilight’s mind. “I had my suspicions.”
Discord smiled, almost a genuine one this time. “Always the sharp one of the bunch.” He went quiet again. “Would you have stopped me? If she hadn’t noticed, I mean.”
Twilight didn’t miss a beat. “I would have.”
Thunder cracked off somewhere nearby.
“Hmm, how passé. Doesn’t matter anyway. She did notice. I thought I covered my tracks well; letting her hair turn grey, letting in a few stray wrinkles under the eyes, I even allowed the occasional joint ache from time to time. I think she caught on though when Applejack finally kicked the bucket at one hundred twenty, and she still felt perfectly fine,” he said.
Twilight took another step closer. She was almost close enough to shield him from the rain. “Why didn’t you go to Applejack’s funeral? You went to all the others.”
Discord paused and looked to the side a bit. “Because I didn’t want to.”
Twilight's face scrunched up. He had spent almost as much time with the rest of the girls as she did as time went on. She had thought he was learning about spending what time one had with those you care about, while you still could. Maybe he had. Watching them go had been, hard. “That’s a lie.”
“When all the truth does, is make your heart ache,” he said.
“Huh?” Twilight said.
“Nothing,” he responded. “But yes, after that, Fluttershy caught on. Oh and what a verbal tongue lashing she gave, Princess. You should have heard the things that came out of that pegasus’ mouth!” For but a moment, he was in a striped sailor suit with an anchor tattoo on one arm and a can of spinach in the other. A corn cob pipe hung in his frowning mouth. “So I stopped. I let her be mortal. I figured we had at least another decade or two more to go anyway. Her body had been frozen in time partially after all. I could put it off until she changed her mind. I was so certain she would change her mind.”
Twilight Sparkle knew what was coming next.
“And then she caught a cough.”
He tried to squeeze his eyes shut, to crush the memory like the foul little maggot it was. He stopped short when he almost let the tombstone out of his sight again. And so the memory came unbidden. He had to keep talking. He had to let this out. He didn’t want to stop the momentum now. He couldn’t stop if he wanted to. Perhaps it would make him feel better? Perhaps it would make him feel worse. He didn’t know and Fluttershy wasn’t there to give advice anymore.
“It was such a small thing; like the sneeze of a kitten or a wind whistling through the trees. I was hardly worried of course. Ponies get sick all the time. Then they get better. Round and round it goes after all. If anything serious happened, I’d fix it. I can fix any mistake if I really put my mind to it, at least according to Fluttershy. That’s exactly what she said.” He almost looked at the Princess this time, but stopped short of looking away again. Have to watch that. “I’ve made a lot mistakes in my day, Princess. There’ve been so many I’ve lost count. My biggest one though was keeping that horrid promise.”
Twilight was crying again, but collected herself quickly. Dealing with the nobles of Equestria gave her a lot of practice. “That wasn’t a mistake, Discord. I know it’s hard. I do. But sometimes you have to let go.”
Discord snorted, whether in a brief stint of humor or anger no one could be sure. “Right, wrong, such simple and subjective terms. Order and Harmony have such binary philosophies. I thought you would have gotten passed that at this point, Princess. With chaos, you can do just about anything you want!” Can’t I?
Discord snapped.
The little garden they had been standing in was surrounded by twisting inverted rainbows. Fish were flying through the air. The wet grass had turned into a blue and pink quilted checkerboard. Some of the plants started walking around aimlessly. But it was still storming normal rain. The graves remained untouched.
Discord stood on a pillar high in the air, his arms outstretched as if to grasp the universe itself. His claws glowed with pure chaotic energy. His eyes were still bloodshot. “You can fix anything, Princess! You just have to put your mind to it!”
Twilight gasped. It wasn’t a small one like finding an old photo you thought was lost under your bed. It was the kind of gasp one made when seeing something terrifying for the first time. She couldn’t remember the last time she had done that. She flew up to him, looking into his eyes after reaching his level. They had a crazed look. “What are you doing?!”
“I’m fixing a mistake, Princess! There are so many way to circumvent death! You just have to get creative! I could bring her back as a ghost! She won’t even feel a thing,” he snapped his claws and a few green specters flew about while wailing. They didn’t look like anything that had once been alive to Twilight’s relief. “Or I could go back in time to when she was young! I’d just have to get rid of myself first, but who cares about paradoxes,” Another snap and a portal surrounded by ticking clocks appeared. “Or better yet, I could rip her soul back. We can’t reuse her old body anymore, but if I made a wooden puppet-“
“STOP!” Twilight yelled, using the Canterlot voice Luna had once taught her.
The crazed look in Discord’s eyes was gone. Now it was just anger, bitterness, and loneliness. “Why should I!” He yelled right back. “Does this not suite your tastes, Princess? Are you not entertained? Is this too unnatural for you? Well so am I! Or would you rather I return to being a lawn ornament? At least then I don’t feel anything! I can fix it! Just let me fix this one thing!” He held his lion paw in the air. His fingers tensed so hard they shook. It was like his next snap would cleave the world in two. “Why didn’t any of you let me FIX THIS ONE THING?!”
Amidst all the insanity, Twilight Sparkle the pony, not the princess, looked one of her oldest friends in the eyes. She saw now that it wasn’t just rain that was falling constantly down his face. She put a hoof to his chest, her face pleading. “Because Fluttershy wouldn’t want this.”
Discord held the claw in the air a moment longer but the crackle of energy had gone. His eyes were cast down and his ears drooped. His body sagged like he was carrying the whole universe on his back. “Well played.”
With a simple snap, everything was as it had been. Twilight now held a wing over him; shielding them both from the rain with her spell when he suddenly went rigid. “Discord, is something else wrong?”
He didn’t answer. Instead he rushed over to the gravestone, panicking. He was hyperventilating as his claws touched every facet of the stone carved just for her. His eyes drank in every detail, every edge, every chip, and every atom of its existence. There was a very slight chip that hadn’t been there before. Had he done that? He was certain it hadn’t been there before. In his fit of madness, had he actually damaged the one part of her left that already existed on borrowed time? How much longer till he blinked and found the stone turning to dust? How much time was left? How much had he just wasted not being with her? In his rage he had forgotten to keep counting. Good chaos above, he hadn't been counting!
Twilight walked up behind him again. The alicorn’s voice was as gentle as hers had been near the end. “It-it’s okay, Discord.”
She had said that too. But it wasn’t okay. Wasn’t that obvious to her?! Nothing about this was okay! It wasn’t okay then and it certainly wasn’t okay now. But that didn’t even matter anymore. Something worse had happened. “I looked away.”
“It’s alright, it had to happen sometime. You can’t spend eternity standing here. Come on, let’s go to the castle. You don’t even have to stay there you know. We could send you on a vacation. I know Celestia and Luna have some top recommendations I’ve been meaning to verify. Spike could go too! We could make it a group thing…if you want.”
He wasn’t listening. The one promise he should never have made, he kept. Now the one promise he had ever made to himself, he broke. He had failed again. Another mistake he couldn’t take back. Another thing he couldn’t fix. It was like the times he’d tormented his new friends. It was like the time he had believed in Tirek. It was like the time he had gotten jealous of Tree Hugger at the gala. It was like the time he had tried to be normal. It was like the time he let Equestria’s other villains loose in an attempt to teach Twilight Sparkle.
It was like the time he let his friends grow old and die.
Why was he even bothering? They were mayflies compared to him. He’d known that. Here today, gone tomorrow. That was why he’d either never paid them any mind or fixed the whole “dying” thing himself. The alicorns may have acted immortal, but he new better. He’d seen a handful die before and he knew he’d see it again. They lived a long time, just not long enough for him; not for eternity. Why was he bothering? He looked once more.
Here lies Fluttershy
Element of Kindness
Friend to All
He realized something then. She wasn’t a friend to all, because she was dead. She wasn’t the Element of Kindness, because that had already been passed on to another. And she certainly wasn’t here. All that made her who she is was gone. Her thoughts, emotions, memories, they were all somewhere else now. She wasn’t coming back.
This was all that was left, but despite what he might have told himself, it wasn’t her. It couldn’t be her, because she was gone. She was in a place he could never truly reach. He could never talk with her again. He could never have tea with her again. He could never hold her hoof or walk in the sun or celebrate the holidays with her again. This was a bad joke with no punchline. She wasn't coming back.
“-and I know I’ve been pretty strict about it before, but maybe we could schedule a set day for you to get some of that chaos magic out of your system. Maybe if we advertise it as a kind of theme park day of sorts we could get other ponies to enjoy it with you! It’ll be a lot less scary for them if they have an idea of what to expect and know it’s safe.”
“Princess,”
Her ears perked up. That last one must have been the idea he liked! She had honestly been grasping at straws at that point, but if it could raise his spirits she’d definitely follow through. He needed it right now. If she was being honest with herself, she could really use some levity in her life lately too. She missed them so much. And besides Spike and Cadence, Discord was the only one who both knew her friends personally and knew what she had gone through when they… passed. Celestia and Luna had always been a bit more distant.
Discord stood up. “I think I’ll take my leave now, your highness.”
The way he said that set off some kind of alarm in her gut, but she ignored it for now. It had been a very emotional night. “Oh! Alright, are you going to the castle?”
“No,” he said.
“So you’re going to your house in the chaos dimension then?” she asked.
He started waking in no direction in particular. The rain stopped by a black upside down umbrella he now carried. “I don’t believe so.”
Twilight put a hoof to her chin as they walked together. “Alright, I give up. Where are you going?”
“Nowhere,” he said quietly.
Twilight was in front of him now. “Uh, you mean nowhere in particular, right?”
“I mean nowhere, nada, zilch, emptiness, anywhere but here. Comprende, Miss Sparkle?”
“But you’ll be back later, right?” her ears were down as she asked.
For all her years as a ruler, when she was alone she still at times acted like that same little unicorn Discord had met so long ago. The one he had once broken, who in turn had broken him. That bit of irony might have brought a sincere smile to his face about a month ago, but it seemed that Fluttershy had taken all his happiness with her. She deserved every bit of it.
“I’m not coming back,” was all he said.
Where ever he had been going, he had apparently reached his destination. He folded up his black umbrella before letting it just drop to the ground. It didn’t vanish.
Something inside Twilight was breaking. It was the same piece that had broken over a dozen times already. It was the same piece she had to put back together, every time becoming both a bit more sturdy and fragile all at once. “No no no! You can’t just leave. Equestria needs you! Y-you’re our ace in the hole.”
Discord waved dismissively. “Oh puh-lease, I haven’t been this nation’s mvp since we turned those three block-heads into stone. You should probably throw that thing off a cliff by the way. If they haven’t reformed yet, after all your attempts to reach out and reason with them every year, then they probably wont, at all –especially Tirek.”
He grabbed the air. It rippled and folded as he opened a door made out of the very fabric of reality. Twilight tried to see where it led through the crack, but it was so dark, and it gave her a migraine for some reason.
“Okay, but what about Spike? You guys still play Ogres and Oubliettes, right? You always look forward to that! You’ll have to come back for that!” she said.
“Pffft, he’s the ambassador of Equestria, an actual dragon, and he’s as good a DM these days as it gets. He’ll find other players,” he said opening the door further.
“What about the school of friendship?” she asked.
“Doesn’t need me,” he opened the door a little more.
“Celestia and Luna?” she asked.
“Buzz-kills on their best days." It opened further still.
“The cutie-mark crusaders? The cake twins and Lil’ Cheese? Yona, Sandbar, Smolder, Gallus, Ocellus, Silverstream?!” she asked.
“Who?” Discord was putting a black trilby hat and jacket on as he headed for the now fully opened “door”. He was about to step through.
“What about me?”
There was an audible screeching sound like tires on pavement as the spirit stopped mid-step. “Beg pardon?”
Twilight wasn’t looking at him. She was staring at her hooves like a filly that had just been told Hearthswarming was canceled. It looked odd coming from fully grown alicorn. She finally looked up at him after a solid minute. Her eyes glistened. “What about me? After all we’ve been through. After all this time, I thought we really were friends.”
Discord stood still for minute. Then he made a face she hadn’t seen on him in a long time. It was disgust.
“You’re joking right? We aren’t friends. Not after what you asked me to do. Not after you told me not to keep any of our so called ‘friends’ alive.” He made air quotes and a gagging motion before continuing. “You’ll just make new friends anyway and move on with your life. Like that prize student of yours living in Ponyville currently? That was awhile ago. I’m sure she’ll be on the chopping block soon too. It’ll be like they never mattered at all.”
That was going too far.
“Okay that hurt. Say what you want about us. Say what you want about me. But don’t you ever say I didn’t care about my friends!” she said.
“And now they’re all dead. How’s that for the magic of friendship,” he said, absently looking at a claw he was filing down.
“SHUT UP!” she stamped her hooves down, causing the immediate area to shake a little.
“Careful now, Princess,” he said, pointing to the nearby gravesite with his nail file. “You might wake the dead with that racket,” he put a claw up to his mouth in mock consternation “oh right! You can’t.”
Her legs were shaking now. She was biting her lower lip. Her eyes searched for something only she could see. “You’re, you’re a horrible pony.”
He shrugged. “Not a pony, but I suppose you got the horrible part correct. Now if you’ll excuuuuuuuse me, Princess. I have nowhere to be.”
He was making his way to the doorway. He was taking his time so he was only halfway there when something soft held his arm back. He looked to see what was still trying to stop him. It was just the purple one again. “What?” He barked.
“You hung around Applejack too much,” she said through a half-smile framed by tears.
He spoke through closed eyes and a snooty expression “No no, I’m being completely sincere in that I hate everything about you. You’re worse than Celestia. Now if-” he tried to go again but her hoof felt more like a vice grip with that darn alicorn strength “-you’ll just-“ he attempted detaching from her magically but that whole ‘power of all the friendships in the world’ thing made it harder then it should have been, “let me leave.” He was digging ruts into the wet dirt now. “I’ll be on my way and you’ll never have to see me again.”
“You’re lying again,” she said, with more hurt in her voice than the spirit was entirely comfortable with.
“Fine, you want the truth?” he said. His voice was level and serious as he looked away from her. “You’re all going to die, Twilight. Yes, even you alicorns.”
Twilight took her hoof off him but didn’t break her gaze. “I know that. Everything eventually passes away. But that doesn’t make our friendships any less meaningful.”
“And I know that, but I won’t be passing on to anywhere, Twilight. I don’t think you’ve quite grasped that yet. As long as chaos exists somewhere in the universe, I have to as well. But I think I’ll take a pass on the ol’ Friendship Express again. Friendship is the most painful thing I’ve ever felt in my long, long life. The only way to win this game is not to play I’m afraid,” he said. He adjusted his trilby hat back on his head, making his way back to the door in the pouring rain.
Twilight spoke, making wide sweeping motions with her hooves as she did so. “What kind of defeatist thinking is that?! The draconequus I know would never think like this! He’d think of a way to play any game! He’d go anywhere, do anything! He’d find-“
“A way to fix everything?” he finished.
Twilight went silent.
He was at the door now. His eagle claw was holding onto the inner doorknob. He still wasn’t looking at her, nor she at him.
“Twi?”
He almost never used that nick-name. She looked up. The faintest glimmer of hope in her heart rose only for it to be smashed into broken glass by the look in Discord’s eyes. They were just so, tired.
“It doesn’t get any easier you know. I learned that long ago. That’s why I would just…make it go away, or ignore it. That’s what chaos does you know. It makes your problems go away by giving you something else to focus on. Throwing everything up in the air ad infintum…until it stops, even if it only for a blink of time. Then it all just comes crashing down on you at once,” he said.
Twilight wasn’t sure what to say to that.
“I hope everything works out for you, I truly do. You’ve come such a long way. I think you understand this world in a way I never could, even with all my charming wit,” A ghost of a smile passed him by. “Unfortunately, this world clearly doesn’t need me in it anymore. In fact, I’m not sure it ever did.”
Twilight’s voice trembled. “I need you.”
He smirked at her. “Now, who’s the liar?”
Twilight had a single brief laugh at that, even through the tears.
He waved at her as he turned away. “Goodbye, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, Savior and Ruler of Equestria, and my second best friend in this world.”
She couldn’t stop crying anymore. She was losing another friend, one she never considered she could actually lose. For all his focus on change, he was paradoxically a constant in her life. Now he was moving away from her. She had to say something; anything. She must have had some grand speech she could use or a critical piece of information to pull him back. What was the point of being the Princess of Friendship if she couldn’t even do this one thing?! But she couldn’t think of anything. Nothing was coming to mind when she needed it most. All she had now was the truth. It was the same truth she had felt for all her friends and family. It was a truth that was becoming horribly more and more familiar to her.
“Discord?”
He looked over his shoulder at her one last time.
“If you go, I’ll miss you.”
He turned away again. “I know you will Twilight,” he paused, “but it won’t be for very long.”
Just like that, he was gone.
Like he was never here. She thought.
Something in Twilight Sparkle shattered again. The most powerful magical being in Equestria, likely the whole world now, started laughing. And she laughed. And she laughed some more. Then she laughed even louder! And then it wasn’t laughing anymore. It became something else. It became a choking sound. Then it became crying. Then it was sobbing. Then she sobbed harder. Soon her whole body was starting to shake and hurt from it. She hugged herself like Pinkie had once taught her, but it didn’t help.
Why did it still hurt so much? She had been through this with all of her family now except Cadence and Flurry Heart. She had been through this with Starlight Glimmer. She had been through this with all six of her friends she met that first day in Ponyville. Shouldn’t it have numbed with time; with repetition? Why did it still hurt just as much as the one day her mom never got out of bed? Why couldn’t she let go? She felt like a hypocrite. She would always remember them. She promised herself that. Every time she wasn’t with her current friends and every time she wasn’t busy with royal duties; or whenever she was alone, she thought about them all. Her strong façade would fall and it would hurt.
Maybe she should have just let Discord fix it. Then he’d still be here. They all would still be here. She instantly felt like a selfish foal. It was far too late now for one thing. Besides that though, it was wrong to keep ponies alive if they didn’t want to be anymore. Not to mention the overpopulation issues, the increasing difficulty to get new ideas approved by the older generations already in power, the food concerns. The list went on! It made perfect sense to let time march on like it always had. So why does it still hurt this much?
She wished it would numb at least a little bit, but it never did. Why wouldn’t it stop hurting so much? She didn’t know why. She was an analytical hypocrite who didn’t know anything about anything. She was alone.
Her shield spell against the rain fizzled out. She hardly noticed. She held her head in her hooves. Her ethereal mane and tail hung limp at her sides. Something inside Twilight Sparkle had broken again and she wasn’t sure she could put it back together this time.
She was glad it was raining.
