Rainbow Dash Vs. the Jar of Peanut Butter

by runforever101

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Rarity
Length: 2201

What adventures will rainbow have when she can't open a jar of peanut butter?

UPDATE!!!!:
This is a reading of this story :)

Rainbow Dash is tired. She had been training all day for the Wonderbolts and missed lunch! She just wants to eat a peanut butter and zap apple sandwhich, but sadly she can't get the jar open! Will she eat something else? NOOOO! That's not the Rainbow Way! Follow Dash on her journey to get the jar open!

Published 2012-08-17 06:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-17 06:14:01 UTC

Rainbow Dash Vs. the Jar of Peanut Butter!

Fly-up, backflip, sonic rainboom, brag, repeat. That was a certain pegasus's day. Rainbow Dash sighed as she walked to the area beneath her house. Yes, the legendary Dash was too tired to fly to her house. All of her muscles were either sore
or burning, her coat was covered in sweat, and her hair was pasted to her neck with perspiration. Dash had never been so
tired. The cyan-colored pegasus growled as she got to her house, or beneath it anyway. Why did I get a house in the
sky again? She thought grimly as her wings reluctantly fluttered up. In what seemed like millennia, Dash finally got to
her front door. “Home, sweet home.” The mare sighed happily as she advanced to her warm, cloud bed.
Rainbow was ready to read a few chapters of the new Daring Do book, sleep, and wake up with sore wings in the
morning. As she hopped into bed, her stomach growled. When was the last time I ate? The pegasus remembered
then, she was about to have lunch with Pinkie Pie and Rarity when she noticed a new Wonderbolts poster in town center.

....................................................................................................................

“I better start training!” smiled Dash as she shot into the air.

“See ya later, Dashie!” yelled Pinkie as she flailed her arms farewell motion.

“Rainbow, you’ll be starving!” called Rarity as she held onto her hat; the wind from Dash’s departure almost blew it off.

Too bad you didn’t hear Rarity, or else you wouldn’t be in this position!
......................................................................................................................

“Quiet Narrator!” Dash yelled to the ceiling shaking her fist.

Sorry.

Anyway, Rainbow grabbed her stomach and questioned if she should get out of her bed. After another protest from her
stomach, she decided to make a sandwich. “It’s a good thing it’s zap-apple season.” Dash murmured as she pulled a jar of
multi-colored jam from her cupboard. Soon, a cough was heard. “Hey Tank! Wanna help me make a sandwich?”
His answer was a slow nod. Rainbow smiled at her best friend as she pulled out a knife and dipped it into the jam. It was
always fun to swirl around a new jar of zap-apple jam; It looked like a rainbow tornado. Soon the pegasus stopped
swirling the jam and plopped it onto the bread (Courtesy of Tank, since he got it from the breadbox) She was about to
turn around and grab peanut butter from the pantry when her shelled-buddy used his propeller to fly over with the peanut
butter in between his stumpy, wrinkly legs. Rainbow smiled wide and hugged Tank. “You’re the best, buddy!”
Rainbow grabbed the peanut butter and began to open it as she thought about the past. "Tank what would I do without
you? You’re so helpful! I can’t believe I almost got that stupid hawk!" She looked down at the jar, expecting the lid to be
off. But sadly, the lid was still on. Her happy smile faded as she observed the jar. Dash had a bad past with peanut butter
jars.

Once when Rainbow was in summer flight camp when Dumb-bell flung a peanut butter jar at Dash, the jar broke
open breaking skin and causing her to get stitched. The peanut butter got stuck on fur and was almost impossible to get
out. Another time was when Mare Do Well stole her glory and Rainbow tried to open the peanut butter jar for a family’s
picnic. Now it was her third experience, and the jar wouldn’t open like the second time. Rainbow twisted the jar until her
hooves were sore, but the jar was still on tight. She then held the jar with both of her hooves and tried to unscrew the top
by using her mouth. Not only did it not work, but now her saliva tasted like plastic. The rainbow-manned mare spat then
tried to think of another way to open the jar.

I could ask a friend! But then they’d think I’m weak and not be my friend anymore! I could eat something else! NOOOOO! THAT’S NOT THE RAINBOW WAY TO DO THINGS!!!

“How would Daring Do open this jar?” Dash whispered placing her hoof under her chin.
.....................................................................................................................

A tan colored Pegasus flew through the air awesomely. “Hi!” She would say in that awesome tone of voice Dash always
imagined she used when she was facing villains.
“I don’t always eat Peanut butter and zap-apple jam sandwiches. But when I do, I eat Nutty Bill’s Peanut Butter! Eat up my
friends,” she would smile as she effortlessly open the jar and fly away.
.....................................................................................................................

“Just do that Dash!” she said to herself as she grabbed the peanut butter, put it in a saddle bag, put the saddle bag on,
then flew out of her cloud house to find her biggest fan.
In her image of Daring Do opening the jar, Rainbow was watching her the whole time, and Rainbow was Daring Do's
biggest fan! After flying through the dark blue evening sky, she found Scootaloo with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. “What is this again?” Sweetie Belle asked nervously buttoning up a black sweater that was way too big for her,
Rarity-sized I might say.

“It’s a manhunt!” Scootaloo declared throwing her hoof in the air and smiling. She was wearing Dash’s ninja suit that the
rainbow-manned pegasus lost about a day ago when she was going to stalk Spitfire like she did each week. It was very
convenient to have when she was going to get the Daring Do book from the hospital.

“I’m going to kill her!” Dash whispered to herself as she hid behind a tree, now obviously wasn’t the right time to speak to
them.

The little orange pegasus then tossed the two other crusaders a flashlight each. “You use these to try and find your way
back to the clubhouse without me finding you!”

Apple Bloom zipped up a dark gray winter coat that Dash saw Granny Smith wear once. “How long will this take?”

Applejack’s little sister asked scratching all over. “This coat is hot an’ itchy!”

“I wanna go home,” Sweetie Belle whispered. “Slendermare might be out here!”

“Don cha’ worry, Sweetie. Slendermare is just a foal’s tale!” Apple Bloom smiled.

“That’s w-what he wants you to think,” Sweetie muttered shivering.

“I thought Slendermare was a girl. You know, the whole ‘mare' part.”

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT SCOOTALOO!” the white unicorn yelled, then immediately shutting up.

“Well we can take ‘im!” laughed Apple Bloom puching the air in front of her.

“We better get going, before Slendermare feels like… doing whatever he does!” Scootaloo murmured in Sweetie Belle’s
face as she waved her hoofs to imply that Slendermare was a creepy person.

Scoots would have said Slendermare did something other than just doing whatever he does, but she was to scared to
read up on him. (Including yours truly) Because he’s just too scary!

“Shut up, Narrator!! ‘Ur scarin’ Sweetie Belle!” Apple Bloom yelled at me pointing to a scared as heck Sweetie Belle
shaking on the ground, RUINING Rarity’s sweater and-

“NARRATOR!”

Again, Sorry

With the purple-maned pegasus’s last remark, the crusaders set off into the woods, and you know that cyan pegasus
followed them!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

It had been almost five minutes since they all left, and now it was completely dark. Dash slowly followed the crusaders on
foot, since her wings still hurt, and was careful not step on any leaves. The pegasus didn’t want to step on a leaf and send
Sweetie into another panic attack.
...................................................................................................................................................................................
The normally brave and confident Sweetie Belle shivered as she approached the woods. A bird fluttered off above her
sending a twig to land on Sweetie’s flank. “Girl’s!” Sweetie whispered happily, “I think I got my cutie mark!”
The little unicorn turned her head to find not a cutie mark, but a long stick that was stuck to her flank fur. The end of the
stick disappeared into the shadows, and if you couldn’t see the end, what would you
do? “OHSWEETDEARCELESTIASLENDERMARESGOTME!!!SOMEBODYHELPIDON’TWANNADIEYOUNGISTILLNEEDMYCUTIEMARK!GETHIMOFF!!!” After all that she fell
down and shook until Apple Bloom and Scootaloo convinced her it was a stick.
.....................................................................................................................................................................................
As I was saying, Dash slowly followed the fillies. Twilight had let Owlowiscious out for the night so he made a noise every
few minutes sending Sweetie Belle towards Scootaloo in fear. The older pegasus circled her wings, making sure they
were ready to perform the deed. Rainbow grabbed the peanut butter out of saddle bag then flew up in front of the
fillies. “HI!” Rainbow yelled, looking and sounding a little bit creepier than she hoped.

“IT’S SLENDERMARE!” the crusaders yelled in unison, running back to the barn screaming and crying.

“No! Wait!” Dash yelled. “I just need you guys to open this peanut butter!”

“I’M NOT FALLIN’ FOR THA’ SLENDA’ MAN!!” screamed Apple Bloom.

“No! It’s me! Rainbow Dash!” she yelled following the crusaders.

“SLENDERMAN STOLE RAINBOW’S BODY! RUN BEFORE IT GETS OURS TOO!” Scootaloo screamed as she
continued to run.

All three were scared half to death, and they didn’t stop running until they reached the house-barn where the Apple Family
lived. Rainbow face-hoofed herself, “What have I done?”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A few minutes later, the pegasus knocked on the door to the barn a few minutes later. Dash could hear Applejack
yelling, “Just a second, sugarcube!” but soon it was stopped by the sound of someone tripping and the blonde earth pony
sighing “What in tarnation?” in agony.

“Don’t answer it! It’s Slenda’mare!” Apple Bloom yelled at her sister.

“I tolds you! There’s no such thing as Slenda’mare!” Applejack said to her sister, using all the patience she possibly had to
not yell.

Applejack opened the door to reveal our protagonist, Rainbow Dash. “Well howdy Rainbow! What can I do ya for? And do
you know about all this slenda’mare poppycock?”

“I might have kind of scared them back there in the woods,” smiled Rainbow as she scratched her arm.

Applejack sighed as she walked over to her word of the day calendar and crossed off poppycock. “Goodness Rainbow!”

“But I didn’t mean to!” she yelled shaking her hooves.

“Ya still better apoligize.” Applejack growled as she walked back upstairs.

The pegasus mare walked into the living room, immediately spotting the three little fillies under the couch. “Take
Scootaloo!” yelled Sweetie Belle pushing the younger pegasus out from under the couch.

“Guys, it’s me! Rainbow Dash! Not Slendermare!” Rainbow said crouching down the crusader’s level. The other two
reluctantly came out to observe the cyan pegasus.

“I think it’s really her!” said Sweetie Belle as the others nodded.

They all shared a big hug as Twilight ran dowstairs followed by Rarity and Applejack. “Hi Rainbow! We heard you came so
we all wanted to greet you!” the lavander unicorn smiled.

They all sat down on the couch as Rainbow explained why she came. Everyone burst out laughing. “Rainbow, if you had
trouble opening that than ya could’ve came over here and got one of us to open it!” Applejack smiled

“I know, but I didn’t want to embarrass myself,” Dash grumbled lowering her head.

Twilight hugged Rainbow. “It’s okay if you can’t open a jar of peanut butter! We don’t care!”

“But it shows I’m not that strong!” She protested.

“Dah-ling, we don’t care if you’re not strong! We just want a friend who’s loyal and kind and awesome! Like you!” Rarity
said with a grin.

Soon everypony gathered in a big group hug. D’aww! Everypony then rolled their eyes at me. :’(
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Later, Celestia sipping tea on the balcony of her castle when she got a letter.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that your friends don’t care if you’re strong or tough! They just want a kind, loyal, generous,
honest, and funny friend that loves you.

Your loyal subject,

Rainbow Dash

P.S. There is no such thing as Slendermare, just putting that out there

Celestia smiled then used her magic to place the letter where she kept all of Twilight and her friend’s letters.

Isn’t that sweet Celestia?

“I think your breaking some rules by saying things in this story,” Celestia smiled.

No, I checked :)

“Okay, then teach me the ways of the troll.”

Gladly
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Rainbow Dash came back to her house the next morning. She spent the night at Applejack’s house with Twilight and
Rarity. Her jar of peanut butter was finally opened and they all had peanut butter and zap-apple jam sandwiches along
with applesauce and apple pie. Dash’s wings hurt but not as much as she thought they would, and she knew that with a
little more training she would be able to perform for the Wonderbolts! Rainbow plopped down on her couch with Tank and
stroked his shell. “I’m just glad there’s no Slendermare!”

Or is there?

“NARRATOR! STOP BEING A BIG OVERWEIGHT IDIOT!! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SLENDERMARE!”
Dash yelled.

I know but I just wanted to scare the readers :)

Dash rolled her eyes and continued to stroke the tortoise. Her eyes then got wide. “Tank, I don’t think I fed you last night!”

You think?

“NARRATOR!”

THE END!