The Worst Princess

by AntiBronyBenSwolo

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Self Insert, Random, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Original Character
Length: 2020

Some weird fanfiction author that doesn't even like ponies wakes up as Princess of his own kingdom.

Some weird fanfiction author (yours truly, unfortunately) that doesn't even like ponies wakes up as Princess of his own kingdom. How did this even happen to me--I mean him?

(I'll take suggestions for how you want me to suffer this pastel nightmare write this story. Also, Crossover tag for just in case)

Published 2019-11-14 23:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-11-14 23:00:01 UTC

How did I get here?

OK, let's get the cliche opening about me popping up in Equestria for no reason out of the way. The sun shone over a beautiful pastel metropolis as the busy ponies awoke and went about their days, smiling from ear to ear and greeting one another as if nothing had happened. And in the center of this beautiful town stood a glorious fortress with a large balcony on the front, and covered by royal guards at every window and door. That was the first thing I saw when I got here. And from what I can tell, all of this wasn't here last night. I woke up in the master bedroom and examined it with care. The cyan walls, the large mirror, the shining lights, and the giant red bed with matching bedcurtains. I can tell this certainly wasn't my bedroom. I looked at myself in shock as I saw myself in the mirror. I saw a young orange stallion with a dark, messy mane and tail, large wings on his sides, a tall horn sitting on his forehead, and an Origami Yoda as his cutie mark. I recognized the being as an old character of mine, just modified to become an alicorn for some reason.

As I examined my new surroundings, I realized what was going on. Last night, I remember coming up with a stupid story idea where I become an alicorn princess, and now that I woke up to this, I realized that I'm going through this idea. I can't believe I'm a princess now. And I feel even dumber for going through with it. I mean, at least I get a cool bed.

As I contemplated my dumb decisions, I heard a knock on the door, and I quickly tried to neaten my mane so I don't look stupid. Unfortunately, it didn't work, and the pony on the other side opened up the door and came in. The pony was a royal guard with a dark blue coat and wings with shiny silver armor, and a gray beard poking at the bottom of his chin.

"Your Highness?" The guard asked, as he came in and saw me messing up my mane. I hesitated and fumbled around.

"Oh, hello. What brings you here?" I said as smoothly as possible. And I was as smooth as gravel, so I know it didn't know. The guard shook his head and took a deep breath.

"I am Captain Broadside of your Royal Guard, and I've come to tell you everything you need to know," Broadside explained as I took a deep breath. At least I could get some answers as to where I even was. Speaking of...

"Where exactly am I?" I asked the guard. I thought he would give me a concerned look as if I went insane (Well, too late for that), but he actually seemed to be waiting for me to say that.

"That is for you to decide, my lord. You wished to become a princess, and this is your kingdom now that you are a princess. Really is simple as that," Broadside explained with a smug and prideful look on his face. I felt a mix of shock and confusion.

"Wait, you're saying this idea is so dumb and so cliche that you're well aware that I'm not from here?" I asked the Guard as he nodded his head. I felt angrily defeated at that remark, but something else came to mind.

"Also, what do you mean by 'That is for me to decide?'" I asked as Captain Broadside took another deep breath.

"This entire city didn't exist until last night. Until you wished to become a princess. And now that it's yours, you may name it and do with it as you please," Broadside explained, as I thought it over. I wasn't sure how cliche the entire scenario was now, but now, the offer seemed very tempting. So many zany misadventures. So much power. And I looked down upon the towns ponies, and I got the feeling that maybe I couldn't let them down if I said "no". I took a deep breath and turned back towards Captain Broadside.

"Alright, I'm fair game," I accepted as Captain Broadside smiled.

"We're not gonna figure out how my dumb story idea turned me into this, are we?" I asked, disappointed that I forgot about that.

"Not at all," Captain Broadside explained as he led me down the halls of the castle. The halls seemed very bare. I mean, I guess there should be portraits here, but since this city literally was built in a matter of a night, I guess it only made sense that I get my own pictures in here. Captain Broadside stopped and opened a rather small door. I went inside and was stunned. The room was massive and had walls that were shining like they were made of pearl, and in the middle stood a large bubbling pool with a small duck floating in the middle. And off to the far left corner of the room stood a rather normal toilet and sink next to his. Apparently this was the bathroom. And I was confused once I realized that.

"I advise you not to enter the tub yet. Your maids will join you shortly," Broadside explained as he closed the door and...Hold up, did he just say "maids"? Do I really need maids to help me take a shower of all things? How many maids do I even have in this castle? My mind raced as to how I could screw this up. As I panicked at the many wrong outcomes this could go, two beautiful came in dressed in Greek togas. The one on the left was a light green unicorn with a yellow mane, and the one on the right was a magenta pegasus with an orange mane.

"Morning, Ladies. Now listen, can't we just talk about this? I'm just nervous about having females making me bathe and..." I tried to explain before the green unicorn lifted me up with her magic and straight-up yeeted me into the tub like a beach ball. Ironically, I don't get a say in this matter.

"You have to accept my apologies for my sister, my lord. She's much more stubborn than I am," The magenta pegasus pleaded.

"And rightfully so. I will not have our new princess running around smelling like roadkill," The unicorn spoke, as she poured a bucket of water over my head, getting my mane in my eyes.

"Hey, it's no big deal. You two are just doing your jobs. By the way, what are your names?" I asked as the pegasus mare lit up like a tree on the holidays.

"Well, thank you for asking, your highness. I am Dreamful Desire, just call me 'Dreamy', and my sister is Breezy Meadows. We were selected to be your personal servants," Dreamful explained as she scrubbed my wings.

"Well, I thank you in advance for doing this job. I just hope I don't have myself do anything stupid," I muttered to myself as Dreamy's ear perked up.

"How so, your Highness," Dreamy asked innocently.

"I just don't want to--" I tried to explain before Breezy poured another bucket of water on me. And this one had soap.

"OH GOSH! SOMEONE HELP ME, I'M BLIND!" I screamed as I rubbed my eyes to get it out, only making it worse.

"It's OK. Calm down, my princess!" Dreamy said, before getting water splashed on her toga. Breezy groaned as she struck my neck with a quick hoof, rendering me unconscious.

"He should come to in 15 minutes tops," Breezy explained. And like clockwork, I recovered to find myself alone in the tub. My eyes were getting better, but my neck felt a bit sore. Good thing they left me alone to recover. I sighed as I processed the events occurring as I sat in the tub. I dried myself off and left the bathroom feeling refreshed, but also terrified that one of my personal handmaidens could knock me out in no time at all. As I followed the path back to the Master Bedroom, I was intercepted by Captain Broadside.

"Your Highness, we need to prepare you for your coronation," The royal guard explained. Because I didn't suffer enough, and now have to embarrass myself in front of who knows how many ponies. Broadside took me back to my Master Bedroom, where he opened up a case full of royal armor...I'm still trying to figure out how I didn't see that when I woke up, and in it were four golden horseshoes I slipped on with ease, a gold chest plate bearing a red crystal in the shape of the Rebel Alliance symbol (OK, That's admittedly the coolest thing I got out of this deal), and a gold and silver tiara with a green gem the same shape as my Origami Yoda Cutie Mark.

"Now, are you ready, my lord?" Broadside asked before I took a couple of deep breaths to make sure I don't humiliate myself in front of everyone.

"I sure hope so," I confessed as he led me to my throne room and OH MY GOODNESS there were so many ponies. How could you expect me to not screw this up? I sat down in the large silver chair in the middle of a giant red carpet and assumed it was my throne (luckily, it was). Everyone looked up at me like a God, which only made me feel like I would screw this up even worse. As I contemplated an inevitable failure, An older unicorn with a grey mane and white mustache got up and presented me.

"Ladies and Gentleponies. May I present you with your new princess; AntiBronyBenSwolo: Princess of Fanfictions" The gentlepony introduced, as the crowd cheered me on. I got up on the throne to present some speech that I had no time to prepare for. As in, I did not know I was to present a speech until now. Now I knew how I was gonna screw this up.

"Uhh, Hi, everyone. I know, this is a lot to take in, being that you just popped into existence last night, thanks to some stupid wish that I honestly don't think should have come true. But I'm not here to say I regret my choice. I'm saying that I don't deserve all this spontaneous praise you're giving me. But if you want me to be your princess so much, then I can only promise you something worth all this praise, my loyalty. My protection. And my love. Thank you, everyone," I said, as I attempted to return to my throne before the gentlepony from before had one more thing to say

"And before this coronation can be completed, our new princess will dub our new world with a name of his choosing," The gentlepony said, stopping me dead in my tracks. I thought the speech would screw me over, but nope. It would be this. I looked out into the crowd once more as I wiped the sweat off my forehead. The crowds were silent, with the exception of one pony calling out "Freebird!" making a couple of ponies chuckle.

"Uhh...Sith...opolis?" I asked the Gentlepony, as he accepted the name (despite the fact that was a dumb idea)

"Ladies and Gentleponies, Welcome to Sithopolis!" The Gentlepony proclaimed as I finally got to sit back down into my throne and have some thoughts to myself.

"You're doing great, Princess," Broadside whispered, smiling at me as I relaxed back into my throne. I can only hope my reign would be just as easy.

Author's Note

Hey, I know I already started a story similar to this, and I should probably get back to it, but I just thought the idea of me turning into a princess was too hilarious to pass up, so now I bring you this mess of a story.

Also, if you want to make suggestions for what you want me to do next, leave a comment.