The warmth of the autumn sunset fell over Sweet Apple Acres, casting every tree and plain under a golden sheen. Rays of golden light glistened through the leaves of the trees and bushes, and the apples appeared warm, yet brilliant as the golden haze of the sun touched them.
The sweet smell of apple pie wafted through an ajar wooden door as Granny was finishing the prep for a treat her grandkids could savor after a long day of working on the farm.
The fresh aroma of baked goods were pretty hard for three particular little fillies to resist. Apple Bloom tried to fight temptation, and told herself and the girls they’d word just a little bit longer, but ultimately it got the better of them, and she and her Crusader friends left their relatively polished job of repainting one of the fences on a somewhat sloppy end.
As the end of the day came about with the three little fillies rushing inside for some pie, it left 2 out of the 3 working Apple ponies done with their work for the day.
Big McIntosh had gotten the last of his work squared away, but watched his little sister Applejack continue hers, noting her odd behavior. Applejack had been working completely silent for the past week or so, and while it’s only necessary to work in silence for the best focus one can muster, the odd thing about Applejack is that she didn’t really seem focused. At least, not as much as she usually is. She would buck trees that Big Mac had already bucked and collected the apples from, buck trees she herself had already collected the apples from, and stumble a little while making her rounds, even tripping over her apple buckets.
Big Mac normally wouldn’t find anything off about Applejack being silent, if she appeared focused and determined in her work, but something he knew very well about his sister is how much she liked to talk. She wasn’t super chatty like some of her friends were, but she was certainly the most talkative apple, always commenting on how the apples looked; ripe or unripe. She’d always tell funny stories about her friends and some of the shenanigans they’d be getting into. But no, he hadn’t really heard her say anything for the past week. It wasn’t really like her.
He approached his little sister as she bucked another tree, helping her pick up a few stray apples that didn’t quite make it into the buckets. He lifted up a particular apple with his hoof, holding it towards her.
“Nnnope,” he said, looking at the apple. “It’s someone’s home.”
Applejack looked up at the apple, inquisitive, and was a little surprised when she saw a worm peek out of a hole in the apple.
“Yuck,” She gagged a little. “Y’all should throw that one out.”
Applejack lifted up a full bucket of apples onto her back and, walking to one of the carts, emptied the bucket’s load out.
Big Mac tossed the bad apple in an empty bucket. “That’s the first time I’ve heard ya say anythin’ this week, sis.”
She looked back to him, as if expecting him to say anything else.
“You’re not...normally this quiet,” He added on. “You’re kind of a talkative pony.”
Applejack tossed a stray apple into the cart with her tail. Her voice was soft and nearly a little sad sounding when she spoke after a moment’s silence. “Doesn’t mean that Ah uh...always need t’talk.”
Big Mac, normally the quiet one, was at first at a loss on what else to add when his sister had finished, hesitated before speaking again. “Well uh, while y’all work ya tell me stories about your friends n’ such. If ya don’t talk about them, ya still find something to talk about, like the weather or the apples.”
Applejack adjusted her hat, and looked around a little, looking for something else to do, or even just another apple to pick up. “Well Ah uh...Ah just don’t have anythin’ t’say,” She dug at the ground a little, almost seeming shy.
“No stories? No talk about the apples? Not even the weather?”
“Nnope,” she affirmed, sounding a lot like her brother.
More silence prolonged between the siblings, as evening fell a little darker, and as Applejack did a double check on the apples. Big Mac took a glance at the sky, and the blue hour had hit. In just a little while it’d be just about pitch black. Worrying for his little sister just a little bit, he stepped towards her and lightly tapped her on the back for attention. Applejack turned to him. “It’s gettin’ dark, now,” He told her. “We should head back inside. Granny made some pie.”
Applejack smiled a little, and followed her big brother back inside to their home on the orchard.
After a little while on the farm after sunset, Applejack had gotten her eyes adjusted to the darkness, and instinctively tugged her stetson over her face after the sudden light of the indoors hit her eyes.
A familiar, high voice caught her ears, as her hat blocked her sight.
“Hey, Applejack! Me and the others were wonderin’ what took y’all so long. We saved ya some pie! Wait...why are y’all covering your face like that?”
The little filly got up on hind legs and adjusted Applejack’s hat so she could see her face. Opening her eyes to a squint, the mare was greeted with the face of her sister Apple Bloom.
“...Howdy,” she greeted with a soft smile.
“Hey AJ!” Apple Bloom got back on all fours. “What were you and Big Mac doin’ out there?”
“Nothin’ you need to worry about, sugarcube,” Applejack assured her sister, a soft tone in her voice. “Just talkin’.”
Applejack followed her little sister into the kitchen, and was relieved to see there really was pie saved for her.
“Hi Applejack!” Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo greeted almost unanimously.
Sweetie Belle perked up notably more than Scootaloo. “Oh! Oh! Did you see our job on the fence?” her voice drifted off a little. “We may have sort of slacked off near the end, but uh,” She perked up once more. “I think we did a really good job otherwise!”
Applejack sat down at the table with them. “Ah don’t think Ah got a look.” She said a little curtly, cutting herself a piece of apple pie. “Sorry, fillies.”
Eating the pie, Applejack noticed it had cooled a little after sitting, and while Granny Smith’s pie was always great, it didn’t pack as much of a punch when it was more lukewarm than hot.
Finding the silence awkward, Apple Bloom looked at her fellow Crusaders with some bewilderment.
Big Mac, not very hungry, went upstairs for some indoor chores.
Granny Smith had clocked out in the living room just after finishing the pie and leaving the fillies to get started on eating.
So, they were just left to talk with Applejack, who was...weirdly quiet.
Scootaloo rubbed the back of head some. “Sooo, uhhh, AJ,” She started, speaking slow and rather awkward. “Do anything, uh, fun today?” She smiled, hoof still on mane. “Talk to friends? See a cool apple? Uh, have ya read any books?”
Applejack had finished her slice of pie, and proceeded to get up from the table and set the dirty plate in the sink. She had kind of an uninterested, distant tone in her voice. “Just farmed some apples. Y’know, the usual.”
Applejack looked around, and then down to the floor, somewhat dejected. “Uh, Ah’m gonna turn in for the night. Y’all should too, sis. And uh...y’all can head home, Sweetie and Scoot.”
The Crusaders looked at each other, sharing confusion. “It’s 7:30,” Sweetie Belle told her, pointing to the clock.
Applejack’s ears flopped, and she looked away. “...Y’all can stay up for another hour then,” She faked a yawn. “Ah’m tired though, so uh...g’night.”
The mare walked out of the kitchen and upstairs, leaving the Cutie Mark Crusaders in the kitchen.
“Okay uh,” Scootaloo began, stealing some pie crumbs off of Sweetie Belle’s plate. “Did you guys think she was acting weird too, or was it just me?”
Sweetie Belle looked out of the room, worried. “Yeah, something about Applejack seems wrong,” She looked back to her fellow Crusaders. “Also, Rarity told me she hasn’t really seen Applejack lately,” The little unicorn’s expression shifted to a look of light surprise. “Has she just been staying here on the farm?”
“Ah don’t know,” Apple Bloom replied. “But Ah think Ah’ve only seen her here on the farm for the past week.”
“You think something’s wrong with her?” Scootaloo asked, gesturing with her hoof. “Maybe she’s like, worried about something?”
“Ah dunno, Scoot,” Apple Bloom leaned onto the table and rested her cheek on her hoof. “AJ can be pretty closed off sometimes. It’s a lil’ rare that she opens up about anythin’ buggin’ her.”
“You can go upstairs and talk to her,” Sweetie Belle suggested. “She probably didn’t go to sleep. Sometimes big ponies lie to us about going to sleep so we’ll go to bed early too, or something,” She fiddled with her mane as she spoke. “We can head back to our homes, and maybe you can give us updates on Applejack, if you get any?”
“That sounds good,” Apple Bloom slid off her chair. “Ah’ll see y’all tomorrow,” She called back to them as she walked out of the room.
“Bye, Apple Bloom,” Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo said, once again in near unison.
At the top of the stairs, Apple Bloom could hear her friends leave the house after putting away the dishes and gathering up their things. She heard one last “Bye, Apple Bloom!” from Sweetie Belle echo from the floor below before the door shut.
Now that she’d sent off her fellow Crusaders, Apple Bloom could focus on her sister.
She knocked on the door. “Applejack?”
...No response.
She knocked on the door again. “Hey, uh, Applejack?”
The door finally opened, and Apple Bloom was met with the face of her sister. “Ah thought Ah told ya to go t’bed,” Applejack told her, looking worried.
“It still isn’t time yet, AJ,” The little filly replied, her voice flat. “Can y’all tell me what’s wrong? Why are y’acting weird?”
Applejack looked away, then back to Apple Bloom. She slightly smiled. “Nothin’s wrong, sugarcube. Ah’m fine, and y’all don’t need t’worry about me.”
“Are ya really sure about that?” The filly asked, arching an eyebrow in question.
Applejack’s smile faded and she looked down. “Okay, y’all caught in me in a little lie. Ah’ve been feelin’ down lately,” She looked up again and smiled. “It’s nothin’ yer gonna need to worry about though, Ah’ll get over it.”
“You’re super sure that that’s all?” Apple Bloom moved closer. “Ya know ya can tell me if anythin’ is givin’ you stress.”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Ah’m fine, Apple Bloom. Run along now and get ready fer bed.”
After her little sister, suspicious, walked off to her room, Applejack closed the door and looked back on her room.
Messy floor. Messy bed. Broken appliances and mementos. Dying lightbulb. Scattered objects around her mirror and desk.
Applejack sighed heavily.
It was more than just “feeling down.'' She was in another one of her “moods,'' as she called them.
She didn’t exactly like to admit it, but she wasn’t exactly the happy, confident cowgirl she always presented herself as to her friends and Ponyville folk. At least, she hadn’t exactly been so since Ma and Pa left.
What happened to Ma and Pa had hurt everyone in the Apple family. Granny Smith lost her son. Applejack and Big Mac had to deal with losing their parents and also caring for their baby sister at young ages. Even Apples who didn’t know Ma and Pa on a personal level felt disheartened by the newly empty spots they had occupied before recent reunions.
Everyone thought Applejack had gotten over the loss of her parents quickly, or at least learned to manage the grief.
...Neither were true.
Putting huge responsibilities on herself, from a young age Applejack made a habit of bottling up her feelings strongly. She rarely cried or had any outbursts, and even when she did, she’d cut things short and shove her feelings under the rug.
She made a habit out of handling everything.
She was the main money-maker of the family. She would slave over her baking treats to sell, hours on end. She would take care of bucking the trees alongside Big Mac. She would handle many of the hard jobs on the farm, and be the one to most often watch over Apple Bloom and her friends. Most of all though, Applejack would put the pressure on herself to be the best, and win top place in any coming competitions she participated in.
As the consequence to shelving up her emotions though, Applejack would find every now and then that things would slowly bubble up to the surface, sending her into a depressive slump. Applejack tried to manage her “moods” as best as she good, but found it would just get harder and harder every time they came along. She wouldn’t do anything for herself aside from just repeating the same routines everyday and hoping her dour state would wear off eventually. It was obviously not a good fix, and most definitely not even a permanent one. In fact, if anything, it only further deepened her depression. She’d keep at it though, hoping that eventually something worth feeling excitement over would come to her and lift her spirits, or even potentially get her out of the dark completely. It was unrealistic to hope for such, but there had to be a chance, didn’t there…?
...Sigh.
Though she faked a yawn to persuade the little ponies to go to bed, she found herself to be exhausted, or, at least tired enough to lay down. Her head and legs felt heavy, and she couldn’t muster any energy to stay up and do anything.
As she got in bed, she could hear a light knock on her door again, and soon after, her sweet little sister’s voice called, “G’night, AJ. Feel better soon.” After that, she could hear the sound of small hooves walking off across the hall.
Applejack, giving a heavy sigh, called back, “G’night Apple Bloom.”
She doubted her little sister would’ve heard her, but it was the thought that counted.
Applejack laid back and flickered off the light. Staring at the ceiling, she could feel her fatigue grow heavier; slowly drifting off to sleep.
As she closed her eyes, she hoped to herself that maybe, just maybe something good would come tomorrow. Something worth truly smiling over.
