Blunt Dreams

by Lunatic God

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Crossover, Sex, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance
Length: 1603

A one shot about my story Burst that I thought up. Basically, wet dreams, no shits given, and the futuristic killing machine dates the goddamn pony sun goddess.

I have no idea whether this will be a part of the plot or not. You guys can say whether it should or not. Sex tag for the beginning dream sequence.
Who gives two fucks about romance? Me, of course! Why not?

Published 2019-11-15 14:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-11-15 14:20:01 UTC

Dating a Goddess

Noir Lime stood in the throne room, awaiting Princess Cadence, who had called for him to be there at that time. He has been standing there for hours and, frankly, he didn't mind one bit. He had nothing else to do, after all.

He watched as the grand doors were enveloped in a light pink aura, slowly opening. He watched as Cadence entered the room and… What the fuck?

A humanized Cadence walks in, slowly walking towards the throne. Seductively. Okay, what the fuck was going on?

She passed me, bumping me aside with her large ass. He's starting to disregard the strangeness of this situation.

He watched as she slowly climbed on her throne, sitting with her legs crossed in the too-large-for-her-or-specifically-her-ass throne. He turned to face her fully as she rested her elbows on her shins, laying her cheeks on her fists with a sigh.

After a minute, she finally spoke. “I'm bored."

She glanced at him. “Can you help me have some fun?” He stayed silent for a moment.

“What would you have me do?" He asked, watching her eyes darted this way and that while thinking about what she wants.

“I want to… have sex.” She admitted.

His mind did a double take. “Aren't you married to Shining Armor?” He asked.

Her eyes crossed in confusion. “Who's that?"

He would have questions this, but this was obviously a dream, so he went along with it. That being said, he suddenly noticed her breasts, which were about half a large as her torso that were contained in a cute pink tank top as she wore equally pink sweatpants.

She smiled mischievously as he stared directly at her breasts. “I see you like my titties." She said, slowly raising her hands to the bottom of her top.

“How about I…" She trailed off as she slowly raised her top.

He unconsciously licked his lips as she began uncovering her breasts. Just a little more…

“NOIR!"

His eyes snapped open, immediately training on the concerned pink pony princess that laid over him… straddled him…

“What in the fuck is my mind on about?”

“... Excuse me?" Cadence said.

“I think my brains been tainted." He concluded.

“What do you mean?" She asked.

“I'm entirely sure that we were about to dream fuck." He bluntly stated, watching as her cheeks suddenly glowed bright red.

“O-Oh…” She whispered, looking to the side in embarrassment.

“Which I'm fine with, although I'm not entirely sure about you." He finished. Her cheeks were probably burning at this point.

“U-Umm… I'm just gonna…" She quickly scooted off of him, allowing both of them room to stand. Which Noir didn't.

“Umm… N-Noir? Aren't you gonna…”

“Nope." He replied, entirely hoping to go back to sleep and finish his dream.

“Noir, I have another mission for y-”

“If it ain't saving lives or babysitting Flurry Heart, I'm busy."

“Busy with what?"

“Trying to get back to a wet dream about a futuristic soldier and pink pony princess of love turned human with big-ass tits.”

“... You know what? I'll ask Proxy."

“I wanna hear this." Proxy joined the conversation.

“There wasn't much. Woke up before the titty drop." He summarized.

“Ouch." Proxy replied.

“I'm half tempted to ask Cadence to knock me right back out." He jokingly suggested.

“Wait, can't Princess Luna dream walk?" Marine asked.

“Eh, I don't mind. May turn it into a threesome.” Noir responded.

“I'm half disgusted and surprised at your bluntness, soldier.” Cadence said.

“Honestly princess, with all due respect, I don't give a fuck."

“Ooohhh! Noir Lime just dissed a princess...” Proxy teased.

“Shut up." He replied.

“Just make sure your respectful trash talking doesn't turn into hate speech.” Marine warned.

“You good with me dissin’ ya, Cadence?" Noir asked.

“Only as long as you stop talking about bucking me.” She nastily responded.

“... We good, boss." Noir said.

“Imagine being worshipped in a dream by four goddamn godly cute-ass pony princesses.” Proxy suddenly wondered out loud.

“Shut up." Marine replied.

“Ooohhh, does someone have a crush?” Proxy teased Marine.

“Shut up.” he replied more firmly.

“Hehehe- ow." Proxy said, as Marine had punched her arm.

“I wonder, which princess would you fuck, boss?” Noir questioned.

“... Honestly, I'd fuck the sun god." He responded after a moment of thought.

“Don't tell her that.” Noir warned.

“I dare you to tell her." Proxy said.

“No.” Marine firmly stated.

“I'll buy you a date with her." Noir offered

“... Fine." Marine gave in.

“Oi, princess!" Noir yelled to the pink Alison that had tried in vain to sneak away.

“You got a date to plan." Noir informed her with a smirk. He watched her ears perk up a she turned back to him.

“Really? Who?" She asked.

“Marine and Princess Celestia."

“... 200 bits."

“Deal."

Cadence trotted back up to him and touched him, he horn glowing brightly, before he suddenly arrived in Celestia’s throne room.

“What is the meaning of this?” Princess Celestia asked.

Cadence turned around as Noir propped himself up on his elbows.

“You have a date.” Noir said.

“What?" She said, staring at him curiously.

“With who?" She said, immediately accepting the gesture.

“I'd rather let him say.” Noir said.

After a minute of silence, Noir said something.

“Get the fuck in here, lover boy." He whispered.

All of a sudden, Marine threw open the doors, his arms crossed as he slowly walked in.

“Princess…" He started, watching her look at him expectantly.

“I wanna fuck you."

***

Princess Cadence had set up a romantic dinner in Ponyville, reserving a seat in Sugar cube corner for the couple.

And there they sat. Princess Celestia regally sipped her tea as Marine lounged in his chair, his legs swung over one armrest as he held his head in the air with his hands.

“So… Any hobbies?" Princess Celestia asked.

“Kill aliens and time travel." He hesitated for a second. “... And maybe some massaging here and there."

Celestia’s ears perked up. “Massages?"

“Gives me a nice distraction from all the blood and screams of agony and death." He explained.

“How about you?" Marine asked her, watching her expression shift every so often.

“I enjoy… Drinking tea." She said, taking a sip of her tea. Unfortunately, she spilled it on herself.

“Here, let me." Marine said, grabbing a napkin and reaching over to wipe the scalding tea out of her fur.

He retracted his arm for a moment, before scrubbing furiously at one spot.

“Oof." He said, crumbling up the napkin and droppin it on the table. “That's gonna stain."

“What?!" She exclaimed, trying in vain to look at her fur.

She stopped after a moment and looked back up to the human roaring in laughter as the wooden chair creaked and squeaked under him, barely able to hold his weight.

“You shoulda seen the look on your face!" He said in between laughs.

“Oh, ha ha." She sarcastically replied, rolling her eyes.

Eventually, the laughter died down, settling into an awkward silence.

“So, onto the subject of fucking.” Marine bluntly said.

“Five more good dates like this and I'll think about it.” Celestia quickly said.

“... Wait, really?" Marine asked, legitimately surprised.

“Yes. Why wouldn't I want to buck my coltfriend?” She responded.

“Fair point." He rotated to sit respectfully in his chair.

“But I want to be clear on one thing.” He whispered. She leaned in to hear his words.

“Are we dating?” Marine asked.

“If you're fine with it." Celestia answered, leaning back in her chair as she took another sip of her tea.

“Perfect." He said, standing up.

“Follow me. I wanna show you something." He said.

“Well, if I must." She sarcastically replied, playing the teacup back on its plate and stood up.

Marine reached over and grabbed a hoof, nearly dragging her out of the sugary paradise.

“Where are you taking me?” Celestia asked, having released herself and was currently being carried - easily, mind you - through the Everfree forest.

“You'll see." He replied, as he had the last million times she asked.

Finally, they reached a clearing. Proxy was already there, looking quite annoyed, along with two robots and a massage table.

“Wait here." Marine said, dropping Celestia to wait at the end of the path.

He ran up to Proxy. “Are they programmed?" He gestured toward the robots.

“I've told you many times Noir is the programmer!” She yelled, clearly angered.

“Okay, okay…" Marine said, thinking of ways to fix this.

“Can you get Noir here to do it?" He asked.

“Why don't you ask him?" Proxy replied.

“If you haven't noticed, I've got a date.” He reminded her.

“... I'll try." She agreed.

“Good. For now…" He turned to see Celestia poke a robot who had came up to her, which promptly leaped across the clearing, leaving a quite mystified pony princess.

“I'll do it." He said.

“You're a masseuse?” She asked.

“Did you not hear that while eavesdropping on my date?" He said. Proxy stayed silent.

“That's what I thought. Get Noir here." He said before returning to his date.

“Ok, the robots aren't ready, so I'll do it. Please lay on the table.” Marine informed her.

She did what she was told. Marine approached her side and placed his hands in the appropriate positions. “Ready?"

Celestia allowed herself to relax. She let her wings drape over the edges.

“Ready."

That evening, that clearing was filled with affectionate moaning. No too load, though. Don wanna give any pervs any ideas.

Author's Note

Deeeaaaddd Giveaway. (Get the reference?)