Every five hundred years, Princess Twilight Sparkle took a bath.
Baths were not uncommon for Twilight. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, she would dip into the warm waters as palace maids put out steaming towels and scented candles, and sigh until there was nothing left to sigh about, and then she would smile. That was her alone time, time to unwind and savor the joy of being, and not have to worry about checklists or how Spike was doing halfway across the empire.
But every five hundred years, she would take her parchment, detailed scribbles lining the margins, and walk along the empty hallways until she reached the bathing room, where nopony would be waiting, except for the singular maid whose job it was to attend to Twilight until the early hours of the morning, when it would be time to go.
Twilight chose those maids particularly carefully. The current one was named Stone Heart, and with good reason. As she entered the bathing room on the eve of her thousandth birthday, there was Stone Heart, standing stalwart in the corner, unmoving, unblinking. Twilight liked that. Most of the other castle staff would still shrink in her presence, strike up an awkward conversation, only to back down immediately out of embarrassment. Stone Heart was the friend—no, not a friend, Twilight reminded herself—who made you feel most comfortable in the depths of silence.
“Good evening, Princess.”
Twilight squeezed her eyes shut, then snapped them open, repeating the procedure a couple times. Then she yawned, and smiled. “Good evening, Heart.”
Stone Heart gave her a curt nod. “How is the checklist coming along?”
Twilight paused in the doorway. “Ahead of schedule, I think. I just need to make a final few notes and then I’ll be ready.” Humming a distant tune, she walked inside, and gently closed the door behind her. “Everything is prepared, I hope?”
Stone Heart nodded. “Yeah.” Her horn lit up, and the water lightly trembled, before beginning to warm. “I’ll get the bath ready.”
“Excellent.” Twilight sat next to the large tub, and extended the scroll, reading from the top. “Mhm, got that. Yup. Check. Check. Check.” Halfway through, she yawned, and extended her hooves, stretching them as far as she could reach. “Wow, I’m tired. Wake me up if I fall asleep in the tub, okay?” She winked at Stone Heart. “Sorry, bad joke. Actually, I think I have some free time, since I’m a little ahead of schedule. Want to chat a little?”
Stone Heart rubbed her snout with a hoof and said, “I’m not much of a chatter, Princess. But I’d be happy to listen to anything you have to say.”
Twilight grinned, and leaned back. “Nah. I don’t really have anything to say. If you ever wanted to ask something, though, now’s your chance.”
“Hmm.” Stone Heart put a hoof to her chin. “Favorite memory?”
Twilight giggled. “Ooh, that’s an easy one! Bingo with Jumping Jack and Wandering Spirit, without a doubt. You think it’s such a boring game, sometimes, but then you have two good friends who know how to bend every rule imaginable, and then it really gets exciting.”
Stone Heart raised an eyebrow. “Hm.” After a moment’s thought, she grinned deviously, and asked, “Any Canterlot nobles that you seriously considered executing?”
Twilight rubbed her hooves together. “Ooh, good one. Yeah, there’s been a couple I can think of, although I had to settle for prison sentences instead. But hey, at least I got to regale the courts with my impassioned testimony.” She made an angry face, waving a clenched hoof ahead of her and pretending to shout at an imaginary crowd. “Got any more questions?”
Stone Heart’s face fell solemn. “Yeah. Just two. First, what’s on that list? Could you read some of it to me?”
Twilight took a slow breath in, then let it out carefully. She turned her head away in hesitation, but forced it back after a second. “You know what, sure. It’s not like I have anything to lose from this. Anyways, where to begin…
“Item twelve. Make sure all outstanding debts are settled. Item twenty-seven. Make sure you find somepony else to take over lowering and raising the sun and moon for a twenty-four-hour period. Item seventy-four. Make sure Equestria is not at war, and will not go to war.” Then, her eyes neared the end of the list, and she paused.
“Item ninety-five. Make sure that Stone Heart gets a generous retirement package. Item ninety-nine. Make sure that you have not taken up any personal students recently.”
“Item one-hundred. Make sure you haven’t made any friends in the past fifty years.”
Twilight let out another shaky breath, and smiled again at Stone Heart. “Well, there it is. What do you think?”
Stone Heart paused. “Yeah. I guess that makes sense.” She looked around the room, at the potions in the corner, at the cold towels lying on the rack, anything to avoid staring at Twilight. Then, she said, “Why do you do it?”
“It’s the only way,” said Twilight, “to keep myself happy.”
“What do you mean?” asked Stone Heart. “Shouldn’t you of all ponies know that friendship is what—”
“Heart, not now, please. You know why I do it, and you know I just have everypony’s best interests in mind. I’ve had four hundred and fifty years to be the happiest mare in Equestria.”
Stone Heart nodded and shifted. Then, there was the emotionless expression she was known for. “It’s time, Princess. I’ll get the bath finished. You can head right in.” She headed towards the corner, and picked up the potions in her magic.
Twilight eased herself into the tub, and she began to sigh. Sigh until there was nothing left to sigh about. “I’d like to thank you for the job you’ve done these many years, Stone Heart. Not many ponies could’ve done that.” Then she wriggled around a bit until she was comfortable, and asked, “Has the rest of the castle staff been dismissed?”
Stone Heart nodded again as she uncorked the bottles and gently poured their contents into the water. “Castle is as empty as this bottle is now. It’s been an honor serving you, Princess.”
Twilight began to feel sleep overtaking her, and she smiled drowsily. Before she drifted off, she mumbled, “Now go. Live the rest of your life, Stone Heart. You’re a free mare. And… Equestria moves on.”
Stone Heart stood and watched for a couple minutes, as Twilight’s head fell limply to the side of the tub. When she began to snore, Stone Heart set a pillow there, and sat next to her, reading a novel. In the morning, while Twilight was still asleep, she gave a final salute, packed her bags, and left.
Princess Twilight Sparkle woke up at precisely nine o’clock in the morning, with a few thoughts in her head.
My name is Princess Twilight Sparkle. I am the Princess of Friendship, and the Princess of Equestria. My parents were Twilight Velvet and Night Light, and my brother was Shining Armor. I had five friends once, who taught me the magic of friendship. Today is your one-thousandth birthday, and you have just forgotten the five hundred years you just lived. You’ll understand why, soon.
The petitioners are already in the throne room. Your job is to make Equestria the happiest place it can be.
You’re free, Twilight. It’s time to go make some new friends.
