Chapters Socks and Sandals: The Destroyer of Worlds
Prologue: Day of Reckoning
Pinkie Pie awoke in her room above the bakery with a smile. A smile which, everypony was convinced, was permanently plastered onto her face. She hopped off the bed with one energetic motion, landing swiftly on the ground without making a noise. Outside the window, she could see it was a bright and shiny day. She smiled, knowing Pinkie's mere presence would make it even brighter.
She then started humming a gleeful tune, and made a few bounces to her door. A sharp pain shot up from her forehoof to the rest of her leg. The pink pony responded with a loud scream as she jumped and slammed into a wall behind her, flailing her legs wildly. It appeared the twins had conspired against her, and left a strategically placed jumping jack on her floor. After falling for that trick a second time, Pinkie could think of no better time to throw a forgiveness party.
"Pinkie?" A voice came from outside her door. Hoofsteps were heard, and a moment later, the door opened.
"Pinkie dear, are you okay? We heard a scream." Mrs Cake came through the door with a worried look on her face.
"We're not getting sued, are we?" Mr Cake said with an even more worried look on his face. His wife glared at him. One look at Pinkie Pie answered the question.
"It's my hoof. The twins left one of their toys out." The pink pony tried to get standing, but the pain plopped her right back down.
"Mrs Cake, what do I do? I have to help my friends today, and I have to throw a forgiveness party for the twins."
"I'm not sure what you can do with your hoof hurt like that." Mrs Cake thought for a moment.
"Well, now that I think about it, I might have just what you need." Mrs Cake left the room to get something. There was an awkward moment of silence between Pinkie and Mr Cake before he could hold his question no more.
"So, we aren't getting sued?"
Pinkie Pie tried to come up with a response to that. Pinkie could think of no reply. None. Zip. Nada. She had to think of an answer, and fast. Think, think, think.Scanning... No results found. Initiating failsafe response.
"Uhhhhhh." was all she said.
"Pinkie, I have just what you need right here." Mrs Cake entered the room and held out a stack of fluffy white socks, pressed and tailored for wearing. Pinkie Pie didn't understand what they were for, so she put them on her ears. Nothing happened, but damn, did her ears feel cozy. The other two must have been for double-layered softness!
"Thanks, Mrs Cake! These are sure to help me." Pinkie Pie said as she steadily got up.
"Pinkie, that's not what socks are for. If you put them on your hooves, you'll have an easier time walking around... or bouncing around... or whatever it is you do."
Pinkie Pie took the the two socks off her ears and put her injured forehoof into one of them. Upon impact with her hoof, the sock began to work its magic. Instantly, the pain from stepping on the jack had vanished. She put the other three socks on her hooves.
And what happened then, well, in Ponyville they say, Pinkie's large smile grew three sizes that day.
"Wow! These are great, Mrs Cake. I can't wait to show them to my friends. I'm gonna run with them, and jump with them, and swim with them, and break the fourth wall with them." Pinkie took a moment to gasp in wonderment.
"I know! I'll throw a sock party! Everypony who attends gets one free sock."
Pinkie was now bouncing around the room, ecstatic with her thoughts of sock-shaped-cake, sock streamers, confetti made of shredded pieces of socks. The possibilities were endless. But first, there were things that needed to be done. The Cakes left the room when they saw Pinkie was now clearly fine.
Realizing she had places to be, she bounced over to her drawer, and started to rummage through her clothes. After a moment of searching and a loud "aha ," Pinkie pulled out what she was looking for. Sandals.
Applejack needed some help working on her farm today, though this time, Pinkie would actually be bucking the trees, instead of just catching apples with a basket on her head. She was warned of the strain the tree bark would cause to a newcomer's hooves, and Pinkie wasn't intent on bucking trees with an injured hoof. The sandals would make bucking the trees a whole lot less painful.
She'd never heard of socks being worn with sandals, but in hindsight, she'd never heard of socks in the first place. She put her hooves into the sandals, and using her teeth, pulled the straps tight around her lower legs. After giving each hoof a quick shake, she found that bouncing was a little harder in sandals, but she would adjust.
After skipping into the hall, she passed by the twins' room and stopped at the doorway.
"Don't think I've forgotten about your party, you little bastards." Pinkie said smiling, with a wink as she continued on her way.
Downstairs, breakfast was waiting for her on the counter. Cupcakes and hay bacon. Pinkie Pie scarfed down the cupcake with lightning speed. She ate each hay bacon strip one at a time, repeating the same thing before each piece.
"Hay bacon strips. Hay bacon strips. Hay bacon strips. Hay bacon strips."
After she was finished with her breakfast, she got up from the table to do some stretches. A short stretch never hurt anypony. Mr Cake came into the room, seeing the pink pony stretching her back. When she stretched her legs, Mr Cake saw she was wearing sandals. Not only sandals, but there were socks under the sandals. Mr Cake stared at them for a moment before turning around and muttering something to himself. Thinking he was seeing things, he looked back at the stretching pony. No, no, those were definitely what he thought they were. He didn't think it possible, but there it was.
Mr Cake did a double take and trotted up the stairs to contemplate what he just saw.
"Huh. That's weird." said Pinkie. "He didn't even say hi... Oh well."
Pinkie Pie looked down at her new style. When she thought about it, it did look a little strange. But who knows, maybe she's creating a whole new fashion. Rarity would be so proud!
Humming a cheery melody, Pinkie Pie hopped to the door with her socks and sandals. She was excited for the day and all the wonderful things she would do with her friends. The helping, the partying, and all the while sporting her fluffy new fashion. Opening the front door, Pinkie Pie smiled at the innocent, unsuspecting world.
The day of reckoning has come.
Socks and Sandals: The Destroyer of Worlds
Confound these bucking sandals!
Pinkie's window did not lie to her. It was in fact, a bright and shiny day. Nothing in Equestria could ruin it. Not an ursa minor, not Nightmare Moon, not a swarm of parasprites, not a time-traveling Twilight, not Discord, not a dragon, not a dragon again, not a bunny stampede, not a bitch-ass griffon, not a buffalo tribe, not a clique of teenage dragons, not a train full of cake murderers, and not even a changeling invasion could stop her from enjoying this glorious day.
Pinkie Pie hopped through the streets of Ponyville. Applejack was waiting for her at Sweet Apple Acres, and harvesting apples was just the first activity on her long list of things she had to do today. Fluttershy needed help with some animals, Rarity wanted her to get some stuff from Zecora, and Rainbow Dash had some new pranks they could try out. The parties would have to wait.
Pinkie wasn't sure what Deja Vu really was, but she was convinced this was it. Ponies on the street looked at her with the same look of disbelief that Mr Cake gave her before she left. Some ponies even looked at her with expressions of terror. Pinkie's hair deflated a little, and she couldn't figure out why everyone in town was acting so weird.
"I don't get it. Why is everypony looking at me like that?" Pinkie Pie asked herself. She hopped over to where Lyra and Bonbon were chatting. The local lesbians were always good for information.
"Hi girls." Pinkie said with a sizable grin.
"Oh, hi Pinkie. What's up?" asked Lyra. Bonbon said nothing. Neither of them were paying attention to Pinkie when she was walking down the street, and they didn't notice the pink pony's new style.
Pinkie took a deep breath. "Well, first I woke up, then I stepped on a jack, then I sreamed like this: Ahhh . Then Mrs Cake gave me some socks, and they're the greatest thing ever ! Then I put on some sandals and ate a yummy cupcake. I came outside, and I here I am! But ponies keep looking at me funny. Why?"
She waited for a confused looking Lyra to respond. Lyra's brain needed time to process the entirety of what Pinkie said, which only took the hyperactive pony a few seconds to blurt out. Lyra looked at her quizzically before noticing the terrible monstrosities that were attached to her hooves. Lyra drew her head back, and quickly glanced back at Bonbon, a look of worry in her eyes. Bonbon looked down.
"Holy hell, Pinkie!" Bonbon yelled. Her reaction was unexpected. Lyra was in a loss for words.
She must really like my sandals , Pinkie thought.
"Do you like em? I just got these socks today."
Bonbon was silent again. Lyra needed a reason to escape Pinkie and her hoof-worn abominations. "Uh yeah, they're great. We love them. Hey, we have to go do that uh, thing... at that place, where we should be right now. See ya."
The two ponies ran behind a corner and out of sight. Wow, she said they loved my socks and sandals. I can't wait to show Applejack, Pinkie Pie thought as she bounced in the direction of the Apple Family farm. Still, there was no explanation for why ponies kept looking at her like she was crazy. Well, crazier than usual, which is pretty damn crazy.
It only got weirder as she walked further down the street. The strange glances had become more extreme. Some ponies who looked at her winced and looked away. Mothers taking their foals to school covered their childrens' eyes when she walked by. One stallion looked around frantically for a moment and jumped through a nearby window into somepony's store. One pony dragging a carriage behind him stared at Pinkie and got distracted, before crashing his carriage through a wall of the Equestrian National Tinderbox Museum. It's uncanny that his carriage's cargo was a shipment of matches.
Pinkie Pie heard sirens, and the Ponyville fire department arrived on the scene. A few ponies threw a hose into the well and turned on the pump, while a group of fire-ponies ran inside the burning building. As interesting as this was, Pinkie had to be on her way. She headed off to Sweet Apple Acres, singing a jolly little tune, and leaving the huge plume of smoke and the crowd of panicking ponies behind.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Pinkie Pie arrived at the farm a little later than Apple Jack was expecting. The cowpony was mumbling something, pacing back and forth in front of Big Macintosh, who simply stood there and listened. She was clearly losing patience.
"There ya are, girl. Where the hay have you been? Me and Big Mac have been waitin' here fer the past half hour. Big Macintosh was startin' to get antsy." Applejack said. Big Macintosh still stood there silently, watching Applejack rant. "What took ya so long?"
"Sorry, Applejack. I was on my way here, but everypony was looking at me funny. I asked Lyra and Bonbon why, but they had to go somewhere. Then, everypony in town went crazy and started screaming, breaking stuff and setting fires."
The orange Earth pony stood there, dumbfounded. Big Mac raised an eyebrow. Thinking this was another one of Pinkie's pranks, she blew it off.
"Ya know what, nevermind. We gotta lot ta do today, and Ah don't have time fer yer shenanigans. Big Mac couldn't harvest any of the North field yesterday, so now it's up ta the three of us ta make up fer lost time. There are a lotta trees ta buck. Do ya think yer up ta the task, Pinkie?"
"Yes ma'am. You can count on me."
"Yeah, sure." Applejack didn't seem too assured of Pinkie Pie's ability to kick a tree, no matter how easy it was. "You ready, Big Mac?"
"Eeyup."
The trio headed off to the North field to begin bucking the apples. Applejack wondered if Pinkie had ever bucked a tree in her life.
"Hey Pink, have ya ever actually bucked a tree before?"
"Nope. But how hard can it be? They're just trees. I'm gonna buck those trees so hard, they'll be screaming my name and begging for more."
"Uh yeah, right." Applejack looked a little uncomfortable, and the rest of the way to the North field was spent in silence. Big Mac had no problem with that.
When they arrived at the North field, there were already buckets set up under the trees. Pinkie wondered where the Apple Family got all these buckets. There were hundreds of trees, and each tree had three buckets under it. Somewhere out there was a very happy bucket salespony.
"Alright, everypony. Let's get to buckin'." And with that, the three went their seperate ways. Applejack had no trouble bucking the first tree, and the apples fell neatly into the buckets. Big Macintosh worked with the same ease, and moved on to the next tree. Pinkie Pie lined up her back hooves, and with a "Hayaah!", her sandaled hooves made contact with the tree. Looking behind her, the bucket's weren't filled at all. In fact, none of the apples fell out of the tree, except for the one that fell on her head a second later.
"Ow. Oh, it's on now! Prepare to meet your maker, tree."
Pinkie took a few bounces back, prepared herself, and ran a beeline straight for the tree. Jumping a Pinkie-standard height into the air, she kicked the tree with all her strength. Surely enough, the apples landed securely inside their buckets. Pinkie Pie: 1 Trees: 0 , the satisfied pony thought. Now which tree is next? Which tree wants a piece of the Pink?
Pinkie moved on to her next victim. She cleared her throat, trying to put on an accent. Pinkie moved closer to the tree and shoved a forehoof onto it. "Tell your apples, Pinkie Pie sends her regards."
Pinkie took a few more bounces back, ran at it, and more apples were obtained as her hooves made impact. This process went on for the next hour, and Pinkie Pie was running out of badass lines to use on the trees. It was getting hot, and she was getting thirsty. Pinkie found where Applejack and Big Mac were still bucking trees.
"Hey AJ, can we take a break for a little teensy weensy bit?"
"Sure thing sugarcube. Ah'll just finish off these last few trees, and we'll get to goin'. Ah got some apple juice ready."
Applejack finished bucking the last tree, and ran to get some applejuice. Big Mac just stood there silently, as always. A minute later, Applejack returned with three bottles of the finest apple juice this side of Canterlot. Pinkie downed the whole thing in a couple gulps, and gained a little energy back. Applejack was getting herself squared to buck her next tree. Pinkie remembered the chaos back in Ponyville, and how AJ shrugged it off as shenanigans.
"Hey AJ, why weren't you more concerned with the riots happening in Ponyville?" Applejack bucked the tree.
"I thought yall were makin' that up." She got ready to buck another tree.
"Silly, why would I make something like that up?"
"So there really is trouble in Ponyville?" She bucked, and more apples fell into their buckets.
"Yeah. I went through town and everypony was acting crazy. I got out of Ponyville just after the big fire."
"Do you think it could be because of Twilight?" the farm pony asked with a look of worry.
Now that she mentioned it, Pinkie noticed there's been an exponential rise in Ponyville disasters since Twilight came into town. But this time she wasn't even in Ponyville.
"No, Twilight's in Canterlot visiting Celestia. I don't know why everypony is acting like this." Pinkie wondered for a moment before she remembered to show Applejack her brand new style. The farm pony was looking kinda sad, but was still occupied bucking the trees. She's a bucking fiend. Pinkie thought.
"But hey, cheer up. Check out these babies." Pinkie said as she stuck out her forehoof in front her friend. Applejack's eyes widened when she looked at the brown sandals on white socks.
"Pinkie, what in tarnation are those?"
"Daaamn." said Big Mac. That was his third word of the day.
"They're super soft, and the sandals make it so I can kick trees without hurting myself. Do you like them? I love love love them!"
Neither Big Mac nor Applejack had much knowledge of fashion, but both of them knew these fowl creations needed to be destroyed. Applejack had little problems telling a small lie to a friend to spare their feelings, but telling Pinkie her hell-spawn hoofwear was nice, was an enormous lie.
Trying to think of a way to ignore the question all together, she lifted her hind legs to buck another tree. She expected her hooves to impact the tree-trunk, but instead, impacted Big Mac's face. The red stallion hit the ground with a thud, and Applejack jumped to his side. It didn't take a doctor to know that he was out cold. There was some blood dripping out of the corner of his mouth, and his face was clearly bruised.
"Darn it. Ah'm sorry, Big Mac. Let's get you back home. We'll have Granny Smith patch ya up." Applejack realized the rest of the apples weren't getting bucked today. The apples still needed to be processed.
"Pinkie, Ah need you to do something. Get as many buckets as you can back to our apple processin' barn. There are two giant barrels in the barn. One is fer good apples, and the other funnels the bad apples into a grinder. Ah need you to put the good apples in one and the bad apples in the other. Can ya do that?"
"Okie dokie lokie."
"Yeah, okay. You go do that." Applejack struggled to get Mig Macintosh onto her back, and walked towards the Apple Family home. Pinkie would have no trouble getting all these buckets to processing. AJ had left a cart to carry multiple buckets, and with the legendary speed of Pinkie Pie, the job would be done in no time. After a quick strech of her legs, she began tossing buckets onto the cart in a very Pinkie-esque fashion.
When all the apples were at the processing barn, there was the job of going through the apples and deciding which ones to keep and which had to go. Pinkie grabbed an apple out of the bunch, although it looked very unappetizing. Pinkie gave it a quick sniff and cringed. It was probably one of the worst in the bunch, and it looked inedible, so Pinkie shoved it in her mouth all at once and chewed. Mmm, not bad. Not bad at all , thought Pinkie.
"If this is one of the worst apples in the bunch, but tastes so good, then they must all be good." Pinkie said as she grabbed each bucket and started pouring the apples into the giant barrel for good apples. After each bucket was empty, Pinkie hopped towards the barn door. Before she left, she noticed a lever on the wall. Out of curiosity and just a touch of stupidity, Pinkie flipped the lever, hoping it would do something exciting. Nothing. All that resulted was a low humming sound. Pinkie hopped out of the barn, a little disappointed. Suddenly, the low humming noise turned to a loud roar of machinery behind her. There was no time to waste. Out there was a Rarity who needed a good helping.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Applejack arrived at the processing barn a few minutes after Pinkie left. Expecting to see a disaster made of her barn, she was pleased to see everything was where it should be. After a quick inspection of the good-apples barrel, Applejack's eyes widened, and a look of 'oh shit, let me guess ' was expressed on her face. Looking inside the bad-apples barrel had confirmed her suspicions. "That dumb pony put every apple in the grinder." Applejack looked inside and wondered if it was possible to mass-produce apple sauce in this large a scale.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
The fire was showing signs of calming, but more and more ponies were being pulled out of the burning tinderbox museum. A light blue fire-pony pulled one of the survivors out of the wreckage. One of the pedestrians walking by earlier informed the fire chief that the pony being pulled out was the driver of the carriage that started the fire. He ran over to where the driver lay on the ground, surrounded by medical ponies. The fire chief knelt down to the pony to speak. The driver was badly burned, and it looked like he didn't have much time.
"Chief, it... it wasn't me." the pony spoke up as best he could with burnt lungs.
"What's your name, son? Who did this to you? Who caused all this?" The chief propped up the dying pony's head with a hoof.
"It was... Socks... and Sandals." the pony said before drawing his last breath. The medical pony put a hoof to his neck and shook her head sadly. The fire chief closed the pony's eyes and gave his final rites.
"Sir, what did he mean by socks and sandals?" one of the fire ponies asked.
"I don't know, Blazer." The chief looked back down to the deceased pony. "But we're gonna find out."
Blazer stated the obvious. "I have a feeling this is just the start to a really shitty day."
The fire chief-pony looked up to the sky and agreed. "A shitty day, indeed."
Socks and Sandals: The Destroyer of Worlds
Not much had changed since Pinkie left Ponyville. Things had calmed down a bit, but everyone was still panicking at the sight of her. More ponies screaming, running, jumping through windows. Pinkie wondered if it could be her causing the mass hysteria. Pulling a mirror out of thin air, she observed herself closely. Her hair was still as poofy and pink as ever. Her smile was still enormous. She raised a hoof to her mouth and breathed on it. Yep. Breath still smells like cake, just like it should.
There wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Well, except that Pinkie herself was always out of the ordinary. The only thing different was her new socks and sandals. But they couldn't possibly be the cause of the town's havok. Nopony would do all this because of clothes. Bouncing through the streets of Ponyville, Pinkie passed by a small shack draped in purple fabric. There was a sign outside the shack. In bold letters, the sign read
The sign looked professional, and the fabric draped on the outside was giving Pinkie some professional vibes. Pinkie Pie thought she was the only fortune teller in Ponyville. There's only room for one fortune teller in this town, and her name is Pinkamena Diane Pie!
"Wait naw, before you do anything too crazy, think about whatcha doin'?" Her conscience piped up before she went in to give Crystal Ball a piece of her mind. Her conscience spoke to her every now and again, and she enjoyed speaking to him. He even had a name for himself. He called himself Ol' Dirty Bastard, but she had a feeling that wasn't his real name.
"But I'm Ponyville's fortune teller. I bet Crystal Ball doesn't even have a Pinkie sense."
"Then you should have no problem keepin' business up, should ya?"
"But Ol' Dirty, what if she tries to run game on a nigga?" Pinkie learned Ol' Dirty's language a few months after he started talking to her.
"Then shame on a nigga. You gon' let dat Crystal Bitch get da best of you?"
"But if she's a really good fortune teller, people wont come to see my fortunes. And that's no fun."
"So? And you afraid of a little competition? Dat's life, Pinkie. Cash rules everything around us. Get the money, dolla dolla bill yall'."
"Thanks, Ol' Dirty. You always know what to say."
"No problem, Pinkie. Keep it real."
"Peace." Pinkie said as her conscience's voice faded from her head. She couldn't have asked for a better conscience. He spoke fluent jive, and it took a few months for Pinkie to understand what he was saying. He claimed to be from a place called Wu-Tang, but she'd never heard of any city or country named Wu-Tang. Maybe she could visit one day.
Pinkie Pie entered through the opening of the shack into a dark room with many decorations hung from the top. Crystal Ball herself was a dark blue unicorn with a purple and blue robe that covered her mane and about half of her face. If this was the town's new fortune teller, Pinkie really would have a tough competitor.
"Come, pink one. I have awaited your arrival." The fortune teller said as Pinkie took a seat. How did she know I was gonna come here? That's amazing. Oh, I'm screwed.
"So, Crystal Ball, if you're such a professional fortune teller, then tell me what my fortune is."
"You wish it, so it will be." She put her face close to the crystal ball lying on her table. Pinkie couldn't tell if her eyes were even open because of the robe. "I see... you will give me four bits in exchange for your fortune."
Pinkie rolled her eyes and placed four bits on the table. The pony sitting on the other side put her forehooves on the sides of the crystal ball. Her face drew closer to the orb and it started to glow a faint white light.
"I see... oh my." Pinkie still couldn't see the fortune teller pony's eyes, but she could tell there was an expression of worry. "I see... riots in the streets, chaos, destruction, the end of days. I see... I see..." The pony gasped and looked up at Pinkie. Her eyes had no color and her irises were pure white. "You. You must leave. Leave now and never return."
The dark blue pony pushed Pinkie out of the door and quickly retreated back into her shack. Pinkie Pie just stood there and looked at the shack's sign. A look of victory spread across her face. "Ha, she didn't even give me my whole fortune. Some fortune teller. It looks like I'll still be Ponyville's number one source of future predictions." Pinkie would methodically put the new fortune teller out of business in Ponyville, but that had to wait for another day. Pinkie hopped off towards Rarity's boutique, humming another song, and ignoring the complete bedlam going on around her.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Pinkie could see Rarity's house over the hill. The trip had taken slightly longer than had been planned, mostly because of the police barracades set up in the streets and the numerous ponies shrieking in horror, yelling things like "Oh shit, the sandals are back, everypony for themselves". Some ponies just don't adjust to new fashions as well as others. Pinkie thought. For years, ponies had wondered what things went through Pinkie's head. Nopony had the balls to ask Pinkie, for fear of finding out what thoughts of chronic and sustained stupidity lie in that pandora's box inside her skull.
In reality, she had a lot of fun thoughts bouncing around in there. Cake, candy, Equestrian seperatism. The normal Pinkie Pie stuff. She bounced up to Rarity's house and raised a hoof to the door. "Hey Rarity, let me in, I have to show you my new fashion." Pinkie Pie waited by the door with a large smile, ready for her fashionista friend to open the door. The door in question was wrapped in blue magic, and swung open. Pinkie bounced into Rarity's home to see her making some cloth or something.
"Hey Rarity. Whatchya doin?" Pinkie asked. The unicorn was clearly busy.
"Oh, hi, Pinkie Pie. I'm just making some cloth or something."
Just as I expected. "Okie dokie lokie. So what did you need me for, again?"
"To make the fabric I need, I must have a certain kind of foreign dye that isn't found in the market. I need you to go to Zecora's hut in the Everfree Forrest and get some of that dye." The busy pony didn't take her eyes off her work.
"Okay. That sounds easy. What's the name of the dye?"
"It's, um... ugh." Rarity's head rested on the table for a moment. She picked her head back up and turned around to face her pink friend. It was obvious the booming fashion business had her overworked.
"I'm truly sorry, Pinkie Pie. Just give me a moment to collect my thoughts. What was this you mentioned about a new fashion?" Rarity asked. Even when the fashion business was kicking her ass, she still wanted more. Now that's the mark of a champion.
"Check it out. I'm stylin' and profilin'." Pinkie said, raising a forehoof so her friend could see it.
Rarity looked at it for a few seconds. She said nothing, and did nothing but look at Pinkie's hoof. After a few more seconds, her face still wasn't moving, but her irises and pupils dilated to a third of their original size. Not long after that, Rarity's lip started quivering and her left eye started twitching. After a couple minutes of this, Pinkie started to expect something was wrong with Rarity.
"Soooo, you do like them?" Pinkie asked. No response came from her friend, who still stood there, lips quivering, and eye twitching. Thinking Rarity was asleep with her eyes open, Pinkie sped off to the kitchen and returned with a bucket of water. She poured the cold water onto Rarity's head, but was met with no response. Pinkie threw aside the bucket, and thought of new ways to wake her friend up. One airhorn, a bucket of ice, and a few slaps to the face later, and no progress was made. Rarity sill stood there in the same position, but now both eyes were twitching.
"Rarity, I know you're tired, but you have to wake up." Pinkie said as she dragged Rarity's stiff form into the bathroom. Getting Rarity onto the bathroom counter was difficult, but keeping her on her back was more so. Even when she succeeded, Rarity's legs were still sticking into the air. Pinkie Pie grabbed a small towel off of the rack and placed it squarely on her friend's face. She then went to find a bottle of water. There weren't any in the fridge, but there were some sodas. "Oh well, it'll have to do."
Pinkie returned to the bathroom with the soda bottle. Rarity was still lying on the counter with a towel over her face. Pinkie didn't remember what this technique was called, or where she learned it, but she was 44.27 percent sure it was for waking up heavy sleepers.
Pinkie Pie popped off the bottle's cap and eased the soda over the towel. Steadily, she began pouring the beverage onto her friend's toweled face. After the bottle was empty, Pinkie removed the towel, hoping to find a wide-awake Rarity. Unfortunately, all she found was the same twitching Rarity with a face covered in soda.
"Aw, I really thought that was gonna work." Pinkie said as she pulled her friend off the counter. Setting her on her hooves, some soda pop dripped out of Rarity's nostrils. Pinkie was now fresh out of ideas. Rarity couldn't tell her what dye was needed from Zecora, and Pinkie still had a couple hours to spare. In a situation like this, there's only one solution.
"Just because your friend is in a cataconic state doesn't mean you can't have fun!"
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
"Okay Rarity, when I knock on the door you have to run run run as fast as you can behind that bush, so you don't get in trouble. The joke is: when they open the door, we won't be there." The pink pony giggled. "Okay, ready?" She and Rarity stood at the doorstep of one of the Ponyville homes. Pinkie had her hoof up to the door, ready to knock.
"One. Two. Three. GO!" Pinkie knocked quickly on the door and darted for said bush. After peeping over the bush at the prankee's house, she could see Rarity was still standing there.
"Oh no, Rarity." Pinkie whispered. She didn't want to be the reason for her friend getting in trouble.
A second later, a grey stallion answered the door to find a stiff, twitching, quivering pony covered in soda.
"Hi, may I help you?" The home-owner asked. Rarity responded with more twitching and quivering. The stallion at the door clearly appeared confused. He looked around for anypony else in the vicinity, but no one was there.
"I recognize you from somewhere. Yeah, you're that big shot fashion designer who lives in town." the pony recognized Rarity, but didn't know her purpose for being at his house, along with other things.
"So, is there anything I can help you with?"
Rarity just kept on twitchin'.
"Um, would you like to come inside?"
Twitchy twitcha twitcha twitch.
The confused stallion waved a hoof in front of her face, but was met with no response. Thnking the pony at his door must have been "special", he bid farewell to her and closed his door.
"Wow Rarity, that was amazing. You didn't even get in trouble." Pinkie yelled from behind the bush. With that, Pinkie Pie pulled a notebook and pencil out of nowhere and began writing.
Note to self: when in trouble, fake a disability. After writing, she shoved the pen and paper inside the mass of poofy pink hair that sat atop her head. It was time for the next activity.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
"Boxing!"
"In this corner, weighing a total of 102 pounds, we have the classy, the sassy, Rrraaarityyyy." The announcer said loudly into his microphone. He had slick black hair as well as a black and white striped shirt. The crowd roared in anticipation. Pinkie had left her socks and sandals in the locker room. Subsequently, there was no utter chaos going on. Pinkie wondered if the absense of her hoof-wear and the absense of destruction were related.
"And in this corner, weighing roughly 52 buckets of cotton candy, we have the fun, the hyper, the probably insane, Pinkie Piiieee!" Once again, the crowd yelled in excitement.
Pinkie Pie lifted Rarity's stiff legs into a good fighting stance. Pinkie fastened the boxing gloves onto Rarity's forehooves, and then her own. Pinkie retreated into her corner and waited for the bell. She was about to go Muhammed Ali on Rarity's ass! Her conscience, Ol' Dirty Bastard, said Muhammed Ali was a boxer where he came from.
Ding Ding Ding
Pinkie danced around the ring on her back hooves, blocking her head with her forelegs. Rarity stood there, still on all fours. Either she's never boxed before, or this is some technique she's gonna use to beat me. Not before I beat her! Pinkie thought as she looked for a vulnerable part of Rarity, which was just about everywhere in her current state.
Pinkie drew closer to Rarity, and threw a few blows to her face, which was still stained with dried up soda. Rarity, despite her comatose state, stumbled back a few feet.
"Oh it's on now." Pinkie Pie threw more shots against Rarity, which resulted in the same thing. Pinkie got off the ground again.
She's really good. I'm not sure I can beat her. Pinkie thought before remembering what her mentor, Xen Ming, tought her before he died. Fight with your heart, not your hooves, Pinkie. Master Ming's voice reverberated through her head.
"Fight with my heart, not my hooves." Pinkie said to herself. "This is for you, Master."
Pinkie Pie lowered her hooves and watched for weak points on Rarity. Rarity was standing there, with her lips still quivering and her eyes still twitching wildly. The only thing different was that there were bruises on her face where Pinkie had hit her. Pinkie raised her hooves once more, but instead of fighting Rarity, she would be fighting every obstacle in her past.
"Every pony that said I would be nothing but a rock farmer." Pinkie threw a hard jab to Rarity's chest.
"Every pony that said I wasn't good enough to box." She threw a left hook onto Rarity's head.
"Every pony that said Master Ming could never be proud of a party animal like me." A hard right hook made contact.
"Every pony that said I couldn't make it here," Another left hook.
"this is for you." Pinkie landed a devestating uppercut that sent Rarity flying back and onto the floor of the ring.
The referee started counting. "One, two, three..."
Pinkie remembered the first party she threw for her parents in the silo on their rock farm. The first time she really felt happy about anything, and finding out that making people smile was her life's destiny. She needed to spread the happiness. The joy felt by giving joy to others was addicting.
"Four, five, six..."
She remembered when she moved off the rock farm. Her mother hadn't stopped crying, but she was proud of her. This was something Pinkie had to do. She waved goodbye at her father, her mother, and her sisters through the train window until the station was a little speck left in the distance. Pinkie hadn't taken her family off her mind, until the train reached it's destination. Pinkie got off the train and looked up at the mountain in front of her. Atop that mountain, was someone who could train her to box. Atop that mountain was her future. It was time to climb.
"Seven, eight..."
She remembered the students at Master Ming's temple weren't happy to see her as a new student. They saw her only as a party fiend who didn't have the will or strength to box. They verbally tormented her constantly, and Pinke started to have doubts. But Master Ming saw her potential. Her Pinkie sense could predict when a hit was coming. Not only that, but he saw Pinkie had heart. As long as Master Ming believed in Pinkie, she believed in herself. She trained day and night. Fought opponent after opponent. She had the will to keep going, and Master Ming always told her to fight with her heart. After months of training, she gained the students' respect. When the time had come, she and a few other students had earned the Master's blessing to leave the temple and use their power for the good of Ponykind. The students who didn't make it were very disappointed, so Pinkie did what Pinkie does best: she threw them a party. Afterwards, she prepared to leave the temple. Just before she started down the mountain, she looked back at Master Ming. With a smile he said "Make me proud, Pinkie Pie. I know you will."
"Nine..."
"I did it, Master. I made you proud. I made my parents proud. I made myself proud. If you're looking down at me, I did it." Tears welled up in Pinkie's eyes. Pinkie envisioned the last she saw of Master Ming. He bowed to her, and she bowed back.
"I did it."
"Ten!" Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding
The entire stadium's crowd was on their feet, cheering loudly. Cameras were flashing on every side of Pinkie Pie. A few tears weren't hesitating to roll down her cheeks.
"She did it! Ponies of Ponyville, you've just witnessed the fight of the century. Never in my years have I had the pleasure to announce such a monumental match. Ladies and gentlecolts, your new champion is Pinkie Piiiieeee!"
The announcer's booming voice was rivaled only by the cheering of the crowd. The referee walked up and gave Pinkie the iconic golden-laced boxing gloves. Pinkie raised them into the air in triumph. This was her shining moment. Everything she'd gone through, every obstacle, led up to this point.
A group of ponies rushed into the ring and threw Pinkie into the air. While riding the deafening crowd of ponies, Pinkie could make out one pony in particular standing in Pinkie's corner of the ring. A light blue figure stood out, although Pinkie could swear she could see right through him. The figure bowed to Pinkie, his long goatee nearly touching the ground. She couldn't believe her eyes. Rubbing them, she looked again and the figure was gone. Pinkie knew what she saw, and she bowed her head at where the figure stood. "Thank you master." Pinkie whispered as the crowd carried her off.
In the locker room, the crowd of ponies put Pinkie down to get her things. They wanted to go party at the local bar in celebration of Pinkie's tremendous victory. Pinkie never turned down a party, and this is one that was well-deserved. The crowd was still laughing and reminiscing over the timeless match they'd witnessed. The crowd suddenly went quiet when they saw what Pinkie pulled out of her locker.
"Socks? And are those... sandals?" One pony asked.
"Everybody out. Go, go, go." Another shouted. The ponies in the locker room rushed out of the door and dispersed. Pinkie turned away from her locker, only to see ponies hurrying out into the stadium hallways. Wow, they must be more excited for the party then I am. Pinkie thought.
"Aw, but I have other friends I have to help today. Maybe they'll wait at the bar for me to finish the stuff I have to do." Pinkie said as she put on the socks with sandals and bounced into the hallway. "Hey everybody, wait at the bar for me. I'll be there later to get bombed off my ass with you guys." Pinkie was told by Ol' Dirty that was a term for getting really, really, really, really drunk. It sounded fun!
Speaking of fun, I almost forgot about Rarity. Pinkie thought as she went over to the entrance of the arena. Going through the door, she could see Rarity lying in the ring. The only pony left in the arena was a janitor pony who was feeling lazy and mopped around her comatose friend. The janitor ran off at the sight of Pinkie's hooves. She thought he might have feared ending up like Rarity. There was great power in these hooves of Pinkie's. With great power, comes great responsibility. One of those responsibilities is not scaring away janitors. She thought.
Amazingly, being knocked around like a ragdoll didn't snap Rarity out of it. She still just layed there, with the twitching and the quivering. Pinkie picked up her friend and started carrying her back to her house. She deserved a rest.
Upon arriving at Rarity's place, Pinkie dragged the stiff unicorn up to her bedroom and dropped her on the bed. Maybe a nap is just what Rarity needs. Pinkie thought as she began to hop towards the door. She turned around to say something to her friend, who was now covered in soda and bruises, as well as having small eye and mouth spasms.
"Sorry I had to beat you into a pulp. If it makes you feel better, you were a very stylish pulp." No response came from Rarity. Pinkie took that as a cue to leave.
Looking at the position of the sun, Pinkie could see it was around 1:00. Pinkie had made good time, but Fluttershy still needed her help. Knowing Fluttershy and her obsession with small creatures, Pinkie knew the next couple hours would be spent in agonizing boredom.
Socks and Sandals: The Destroyer of Worlds
"Sir, they've broken through our barricades on the West side of town. Our men have set up ambush points to the west of the boutique to keep the animals from going further into town." A pony in armor addressed his commanding officer.
"Damn. Keep the supplies going to that side of Ponyville. Don't let them reach town hall." Braveheart said to the armored pony standing in front of him.
"Sir, we're running low on supplies."
"What? What about the apple orchard outside of town?
"Sir, their best farmer is injured and Applejack, one of the other farmers said the rest of the apples were destroyed by her, quote, 'dumbass friend'."
"Okay, send some of the Earth ponies at our disposal to help with the apple harvest. Be quick about it."
"Yessir." The pony said, saluting, before walking out the door of the bakery.
Braveheart used to think Ponyville was a peaceful town. Boring, but peaceful. Except for the havok Twilight Sparkle seemed to always invoke. Unfortunately, being the student of a Goddess meant she gets diplomatic immunity. He was sent to Ponyville a few months before as a military recruiter, not that there are that many recruits. Equestria barely even needed an army, but they had to be prepared for things like this.
The battle for Ponyville had been on for all of 4 hours, yet it felt like years to the town ponies who were already thrown into chaos by some Pink pony in tacky shoes. Today was a really shitty day. A burned up museum, anarchy, and now an army of woodland creatures trying to invade the small town.
They came earlier in the day. Dozens of different animals rampaging into the city breaking things, stealing, kidnapping ponies. Then they put up a flag of bears and bunny rabbits standing atop a pile of ponies. It didn't take long for Braveheart to organize a small militia and run the critters out of town. About 20 minute's later though, they came back with forces much larger then before. More ponies joined up with the militia after the first attack, but he wasn't sure if it was enough. All they could do was hold off the invading animals for long enough to figure out how this happened.
The militia made Sugarcube Corners their center of operations, considering it was relatively close to the center of town. Braveheart looked out of one of the windows on the second floor, watching smoke come from the western area of Ponyville. They learned the hard way that certain woodland animals had the ability to use fire-starting tools. The only advantage the Ponyville militia had over the critters were spears and armor, and even those were in short supply.
Some scientists were trying to figure out what was causing all the day's catastrophes.They traced most of the day's events to that pink pony everyone is so scared of. Supposedly, she lived in the building they were using as an HQ. Braveheart wasn't afraid to admit that made him a little nervous. One thing was for certain, though. If he made it out of this situation alive, he sure as hell wasn't going back to Ponyville.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Blazer walked into the fire-chief's office with some important news. Blazer was a light blue Earth pony, with a thick black mane and an even thicker Bucklyn accent. Fires were common is Manehattan's busiest borough, and Bucklyn had a high standard for fire-ponies. In short, he was good at his job.
Fire-chief Flaming Hooves was an older stallion. He was brick red and his charcoal-colored mane was jokingly considered only slightly bigger than his mustache. The most masculine of stallions would be envious of his legendary stache. With all the ruckus going on in Ponyville, Flaming Hooves certainly had his hands full.
"Chief, there's a pony here who wants to see you. She says she knows who started the fires." said Blazer.
"Send her in."
A moment later, a dark blue unicorn walked in. Her irises were pure white, almost to the point where you couldn't see them. Flaming Hooves had to admit it was kinda creepy. She didn't sit down, but began to address the chief.
"I have heard from the blue one that you may know the cause of the fateful events that have befallen us." She said in a monotone, almost robotic voice.
"No. We got something from a pony who was there, but hes unfortunately no longer with us."
"I understand. Still, it may be helpful to disclose with me what that unfortunate pony told you."
"I'm sorry, but just who are you exactly?" Flaming Hooves asked suspiciously.
"I apologize. My name is Crystal Ball, and I may be able to help you."
"How so?" The fire chief leaned back in his seat, now clearly interested.
"You must first tell me what the deceased pony said to you."
"I dunno, something about socks and sandals. Nothing beneficial."
The fortune teller let her eyes drift to the ground for a second. "Come with me. And bring the blue one."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Pinkie took a moment to catch her breath. It looked like the animals had stopped chasing her. Even animals freaked out when they saw her. This. Is. Bull. Shit. Pinkie thought, unusually aggrivated at the fact she'd just been chased by a mob of pissed-off critters. Although on the bright side, it would make a funny story. She had been too busy running to think about why they'd been chasing her. Pinkie thought back to when she dropped by Fluttershy's cottage.
"Hi Fluttershy." Pinkie said to a cowering Fluttershy. Pinkie wouldn't exactly call Fluttershy a crying, wimpering mass of complete uselessness, but 'doormat' didn't do her justice.
"Oh, hi Pinkie." Fluttershy lightened up a bit at seeing Pinkie in her doorway.
"So, I heard some animals needed doctor Pinkie's attention." Pinkie said, while pulling a stethoscope out of her hair. She put the stethoscope to the wall and listened.
"I'm sorry to break this to you Fluttershy, but your wall's heart isn't beating. I'm sorry for your loss."
Fluttershy just shook her head. She'd immediately regretted bringing Pinkie Pie along, but it was too late now.
"That's okay Pinkie. We'll uh, give it a proper burial later."
"Goodnight, sweet prince." Pinkie kissed the wall and followed Fluttershy into her home.
"The reason I brought you here is because I have some new animals, but I need names for them. Twilight named the animals last time, so now it's your turn." Fluttershy wasn't good with names, so whenever she got some new animals, she would let her friends name them. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie never gave them serious names. It was always something like Mister McAwesome or Cotton Candy Surprise, but Fluttershy promised her friends they could name the animals whatever they wanted.
"Yesterday, I got two foxes and three gorillas from the Everfree Forrest that needed a home. They're in the back yard now." Fluttershy told Pinkie as she led her into the back. Outside, there were an abundance of all kinds of creatures, but Fluttershy had the new animals line up along the back fence. Pinkie and Fluttershy walked over to the foxes and gorillas. Fluttershy hadn't noticed Pinkie's socks and sandals. Pinkie stood in front of the two orange foxes, who seemed to be getting anxious.
"I dub you, Craptastic Mister Fox." Pinkie said to the first. Fluttershy facehoofed.
"And I dub you, Agent Orange." She said to the second. Pinkie picked up a stick off the ground and put it to both of their shoulders.
Pinkie then stood in front of the three gorillas, who were also a bit ornery.
"King Kong, Donkey Kong, and Hong Kong." Pinkie pointed to the three gorillas. Her conscience, Ol' Dirty Bastard, came up with the gorillas' names. It was only fair that he got to name a few. Pinkie then hopped up onto an elephant's back and began to address the other animals in the pen.
"Hear ye, hear ye. I, Pinkamena Diane Pie, am proud to announce the arrival of five new furry creatures for you to troll around with. Please give your warmest welcomes to Craptastic Mister Fox, Agent Orange, King Kong, Donkey Kong, and last but not least, Hong Kong." Pinkie pointed a hoof to the new arrivals.
The other animals' reactions were unexpected. They were suddenly thrown into disorder, with no particular reason. Fluttershy looked worried, although that wasn't too different from her usual demeanor. Pinkie was just confused. She wondered if insanity was how animals greeted each other.
Donkey Kong then ran up to his fellow animals and began to give what appeared to be a speech to the other animals. They seemed to calm down a little. Pinkie hopped off the elephant's back and just turned to Fluttershy in confusion. Fluttershy spoke Gorilla and listened closely to what Donkey Kong was saying.
"Brothers and sisters, you have been betrayed; forsaken by the ones who said they cared for you. You have been obedient and loyal to the ponies, only to be tormented with these new instruments of destruction!" Donkey Kong yelled, pointing at Pinkie Pie's hooves. Pinkie stood there, dumbfounded.
"We have sat idly by long enough while the ponies build their towns on our land. They do not see us as equals, but as things they can claim as pets." The animals looked at each other and nodded.
"Brothers, do not give yourself to ponies. Beings who despise you, enslave you, who regiment your lives; tell you what to do and what to think and what to feel; who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as attention fodder. Don't give yourself to these unnatural ponies; machine ponies, with machine minds and machine hearts. You are not machines, you are not cattle, you are animals." Donkey Kong said in a powerful voice. Pinkie still couldn't understand what he was saying, but Fluttershy knew, and she was worried.
"Brothers and sisters, in the name of freedom, we must overthrow our pony overlords. Stand with me, and we will be free!" The other animals were now cheering in all teir own ways.
"The revolution starts with them." He said, pointing a finger in Pinkie and Fluttershy's direction.
"Hey Fluttershy, what are they saying?" Pinkie asked, a little worried herself.
"He says that ponies are cruel to them and they're going to overthrow us. But I was never cruel to them. Oh, what have I done?"
"But, why was he pointing to me?" Pinkie asked.
"He said something about tormenting them with an instrument of destruction." Fluttershy was confused about that too until she looked at Pinkie's hooves.
"Pinkie, what the hell are those?" Fluttershy asked loudly. Pinkie had never heard Fluttershy curse before.
"They're my new style. I don't think Rarity liked them very much. They couldn't be the cause of this, though."
"Pinkie, you should take those off right..." Fluttershy said, when Hong Kong grabbed her and brought her back to the house. "Ahhhh. Pinkie, go get help. But don't hurt the animals, please."
"Fluttershy!" Pinkie yelled before noticing the rest of the animals were closing in.
Oh no. What do I do? They're gonna take me prisoner and bake me into a cupcake! Pinkie thought. Her conscience, Ol' Dirty Bastard, would know.
"Ol' Dirty, what do I do?"
"Run, bitch!"
So she ran and kept running. The animals chased, but Pinkie's legendary speed was a thing of legend. That's how she ended up sitting against a tree in Sweet Apple Acres. She looked around for animals. The coast was clear. A little while away, she could see the Cutie Mark Crusader clubhouse. Coming out of the house, were the three fillies in question. Pinkie had no idea where the town was, and she was too low on energy to teleport there. She needed directions.
"Hi girls. Whatchya up to?" Pinkie said enthusiastically.
"Hi Pinkie Pie." The three said in unison. They looked excited, probably on more crusading business.
"We're out to get our cutie marks." Said Sweetie Belle.
"We're gonna be Cutie Mark Crusader bureaucrats." Apple Bloom said excitedly.
"It's gonna be so fun. Hey Pinkie, what are bureaucrats?" Scootaloo asked. They all looked at Pinkie for the truth. Truthfully, Pinkie didn't have a clue.
"Well, I dunno. But I'm sure whatever it is, it's going to be full of fun and will contain little to no political corruption." Pinkie said with a smile.
"Hey Pinkie Pie, why are you all the way out here?" Asked Sweetie Belle.
"Well, first I woke up, then I stepped on a jack. Then I screamed like this: Ahh! Then I..." Pinkie was stopped by Scootaloo's hoof on her mouth.
"The abridged version, please?"
"Oh okay. Well, I went to Fluttershy's place to name some of her new animals. But they all got mad and are rebelling against ponykind. They chased me, but I ran and kept running until I got here. They're pretty mad, and they still have poor ol' Fluttershy. That's why I need directions to Ponyville."
"Um, okay. It's that way." Apple Bloom pointed a hoof in the direction of the town. "But what was that about animals rebelling against us?"
"Oh, it's nothing to worry about. Hey, did you see my socks and sandals? They're the best thing ever, am I right?"
The girls looked at the shoes with a look of disgust, but didn't want to upset Pinkie.
"Uh, they're... great." Scootaloo said, trying to sound sincere. And failing.
"Yeah... great." Said Apple Bloom.
"I really like their... straps?" Sweetie Belle said.
Pinkie gasped. "Thank you. I was starting to think my new fashion was the reason everybody was throwing the town into chaos." The girls looked at each other in confusion. "Uh, what now?" Asked Apple Bloom.
"Hey, do you girls wanna try them on?"
The girls looked at each other quizically, trying to think of a way out of this situation. They were only fillies, but they knew the kind of repercussions wearing those demon shoes could bring.
They nodded at each other in agreement. "CUTIE MARK CRUSADER TRACK RUNNERS YAY!" They yelled, running in the opposite direction of where Pinkie was going. Pinkie just watched them run.
"Did you hear that, Ol' Dirty Bastard? They said my shoes are great!"
"Girl, yo' shoes need to be condemned." Ol' Dirty said. Pinkie began hopping in the direction of Ponyville.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
The scientists were having no luck finding out a way to stop the socks and sandals that were terrorizing the town. The only solution would be to dispose of the socks and sandals, but any attempt to handle the abominations was potentially fatal. The scientists needed a way to numb their effects on ponies. It was a near-impossible task, but they knew they had to try. The mayor allowed for the third floor of town hall to be made into a temporary lab.
In 8 hours, Ponyville single-hoofedly went from a peaceful town to an all-around hell hole. Evacuating the residents of Ponyville wasn't possible with the animals sieging the city. Braveheart, the current militia leader promised to keep the science team safe while they tried to figure out a way to stop the socks and sandals from causing any more damage. If the socks and sandals could be defeated, the people of Ponyville could eventually go back to their normal lives.
The head of the science team was Dr Smarty Pants. She had white fur and a blonde mane. An image of a smiling brain sat on her flank. People often confused her with Fancy Pants, but that was her brother in Canterlot.
Her team had tried everything to create something that could stop or reverse the socks and sandals' maddening properties. Cryogenic freezing, molecular deconstruction, a tomato soup bath. It was a dead end and her team was up shit creek without a paddle.
"How can we possibly stop the socks and sandals' influence if we don't even know how they work?" Smarty Pants said, slamming her head onto the lab table. The rest of the team looked nervous. They knew the odds of solving this problem were slim to none. Then, they heard hoofsteps coming upstairs. The Mayor walked in and Smarty Pants snapped to attention.
"There are some ponies here to see you." The Mayor said before standing aside for the three ponies that walked in. One had weird eyes that seemed to peer into your soul, another was wearing some fire-pony gear on his torso, and the third had the most glorious mustache she'd ever laid eyes on.
"May I help you three? We're a little busy right now trying to solve, well, you know." Smarty Pants said.
"That's exactly why we need you and your team to come with us." Flaming Hooves said calmly.
"We think you might be able to help us." Blazer spoke up. His Bucklyn accent amused some of the scientists. Crystal Ball remained silent.
"I'm sorry chief, but we can't leave this lab until I know why we should." Smarty Pants was no idiot. She wasn't going to leave the lab behind to follow some fire-ponies and their freaky-ass friend, even if there was candy.
"Because we may have something to help end this whole mess. We might need your team with us." Said Flaming Hooves. Smarty Pants wasn't comfortable following another pony's orders, or going on mere hunches, but didn't see many other alternatives. She thought for a moment and sighed.
"Give us a few minutes."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Braveheart heard more commotion from outside the bakery, but this time, it seemed a lot closer then previously.
Nevermind. Now this is some weird shit. Braveheart thought, looking in disbelief out of his window. The animals had sent a delegate to negotiate with them. The gorilla delegate in question had a fez hat, a pair of sunglasses, and a gold chain hanging around his neck. With him was a yellow pony with a pink mane that seemed to be trying to hide her face from the ponies gathering around. Braveheart walked out of the bakery, expecting the weirdest possible thing to happen. They met on a bridge going over the river that ran through Ponyville.
Celestia damn it. I can't believe I'm about to do this.
"May I help you?"
The gorilla tapped Fluttershy's shoulder, clearly wanting her to do something. He said someting in gorilla, if that was even a dialect.
"He says his name is Hong Kong, and he's here to negotiate your unconditional surrender." Fluttershy translated.
"You can understand him?" Braveheart asked Fluttershy.
"Um, kinda."
"Okay, well you tell him that we aren't going to surrender, especially not to him."
The gorilla spoke some more, a little irritated now. "He says you will respect his power and that you will refer to him as 'brass monkey, that funky monkey'." Fluttershy said, a little embarassed she had to say that.
"Um, okay. We still refuse surrender, and if he has a problem with that, he can tell that to the militia." Braveheart said as the ragtag troops slowly closed in on Hong Kong. The gorilla looked a little nervous. He said something again.
"He says this is madness."
Braveheart simply glared at Hong Kong for a moment. "No." He said.
"This. Is. PONYVILLE!" Braveheart yelled before bucking the gorilla squarely in the chest. The gorilla fell backwards into the river. If only Ponyville had a giant hole. He thought.
The militia ponies were now cheering over the event they'd just witnessed. Braveheart put on his helmet and raised his spear into the air. The ponies cheered louder.
Pinkie Pie returned to Ponyville in time to see this. Pinkie knew when shit was about to get real. She didn't want to miss the upcoming battle, and Rainbow Dash would never forgive Pinkie for not telling her it was about to go down. She figured she had an hour or so before the fight began, so she bounced off to tell Rainbow Dash about the battle. Rainbow would wanna see this. Pranks would have to wait for another day, it was time to see a show.
Socks and Sandals: The Destroyer of Worlds
The prophesy of a thousand prophesies
"So where exactly are we going?" asked Blazer. They were walking through an underground cave system, but it seemed like Crystal Ball had little knowledge of where they were going. They'd already passed a few corridors twice, and Smarty Pants was regretting coming along.
"Well, it's good to know this was a huge waste of time." She said.
"Maybe if you quit complaining, we'd be there already." Blazer noted.
"For one, there's no correlation between my complaining and our predicament." Smarty said smugly, while Blazer moved his mouth in a mocking fashion.
"And secondly, I didn't want to come here in the first place."
"Then why did you come along? No one's forcing you to stay, Bitchy Pants." Blazer said with a grin. She glared at him, hoping her stare would make his face melt away. They'd been arguing the entire walk, but everyone else found the bickering too amusing to stop them.
"Besides, if there's something we need to see, then where the hell is it?"
"We have arrived." Crystal Ball said simply. In front of them was a very large wooden door. It was too large for ponies to push open, and there were no visible buttons or levers. There were inscriptions on both sides and 8 large glyphs that ran up the door.
"How are we gonna get in there?" Flaming Hooves asked.
"This is the door that protects the inside chamber from invaders and bandits. The words on the door say that only the ponies with noble intentions may enter." Crystal Ball told them.
"It can only be opened by saying the ritual poem of the first ponies who came to this land thousands of years ago. I can attempt the ritual poem, but I am not sure it will work. I warn you to step back." Crystal Ball said, as the other ponies got a few steps away from her.
Crystal Ball walked closer to the door and bowed her head. Her eyes began to glow, and she was lifted into the air. She searched her mind for the poem.
"Great door of greatness, I have your ritual and wish to enter your chamber."
The door's glyphs glowed faintly. The others looked in awe, as Crystal Ball began the ritual poem.
"Now I aint' sayin' she's a gold digger. But she aint' messin' with no broke niggas." The other ponies looked at each other in disbelief, and a few even facehoofed.
"Now I aint' sayin' she's a gold digger. But she aint' messin' with no broke niggas." The glyphs started to glow brightly.
"Get down girl, go 'head, get down. Get down girl, go 'head, get down. Get down girl, go 'head, get down. Get down girl, go 'head, get down."
Crystal Ball then fell onto the ground, and the glyphs glowed brighter than before. The door made a few loud noises, before slowly opening up to them. Crystal Ball got to her hooves, and the group of ponies walked into a huge chamber lined with magical torches and artifacts. They all looked in amazement at the artwork painted on the walls and ceiling. Crystal Ball, however, had her eyes on something at the back wall of the room.
The other ponies finished admiring the chamber itself, and were now looking at what Crystal Ball was staring at. No, not staring. Reading. The back wall of the chamber was covered in ancient letters.
"So what are we looking at right now?" Smarty Pants asked.
"The prophesy of a thousand prophesies."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
While Pinkie bounced around in search of Rainbow Dash, the fate of Ponyville was soon to be decided. Braveheart's militia was massing on their side of the bridge into Ponyville. Everypony knew it was only a matter of time before the animals found out about their ambassador being kicked into a river. The militia ponies got into formation and prepared for the worst.
About half an hour after they'd assembled, the militia ponies could hear noises coming in the distance. They couldn't pinpoint the noise because there were so many of them. Over the hill on the other side of the bridge, Braveheart could see the animals' army coming closer to Ponyville. There were gorillas, kangaroos, alligators, eagles, and hundreds of other animals coming towards them. Among them was their leader, Donkey Kong, carrying a spear.
When the animals reached the bridge, Donkey Kong called over to Braveheart, who was standing at the front of his militia. Fluttershy was hiding under the bridge, and peeked out to translate.
"He said you have one last chance to surrender peacefully."
"We aren't surrendering. We made that pretty clear to your delegate."
The animals began to get angry, but Donkey Kong just sighed and said something in Gorilla.
"He says, so be it." Fluttershy said, hiding back under the bridge.
Donkey Kong yelled something to his troops and turned back towards the bridge, ready to attack.
"Alright boys and girls, this is what it comes down to. We have to hold this position. They cannot take over this town. Whatever it takes, we will hold the line." Braveheart said to his militia.
"For Ponyville!" He yelled.
"FOR PONYVILLE!" Yelled the militia.
Donkey Kong yelled a few more words before leading his army to charge the ponies. Braveheart readied himself as the animals got closer, and closer, and closer.
When the animals had reached the Ponyville side of the bridge, hundreds of ponies armed with spears clashed with teeth and claws. Ponies and critters alike were falling left and right. Braveheart and Donkey Kong were fighting amongst their troops as well. This wasn't strategic warfare, it was chaos. No side seemed to be winning, but both sides were losing soldiers. It was hell on Earth, and the battle seemed to last forever.
Both Braveheart and Donkey Kong fought with great skill, making short work of any enemies that confronted them. Braveheart was getting exhausted, and found a small area in the midst of the fighting where he could catch his breath. Looking up, he found himself face-to-face with Donkey Kong, who had also found the small area and was catching his breath.
The two simply stared at each other for a moment before realizing what had to be done. Both leaders steadied themselves and prepared to fight. Braveheart threw aside his spear, and stood on his back hooves. Braveheart and Donkey Kong bowed to each other. This had to be an honorable fight, and they knew only one of them was leaving this battle with their lives.
Braveheart and Donkey Kong stopped bowing and got into fighting stances. "You and me, buddy." Braveheart said.
"Let's dance."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Pinkie Pie had arrived at Rainbow Dash's house. It was about 7:00 and daylight was starting to dim. Pinkie knew if they wanted to see the battle, they'd have to get there as soon as possible.
"Rainbow Dash. Come on, there's a war going on, and we're gonna miss it." Pinkie yelled into the air at the cloud house above. Rainbow trotted to the edge of the cloud and looked down at her Pink friend.
"Oh hi Pinkie. It's a little late for pranks today, isn't it?" The blue pegasus asked.
"I'm not talking about pranks, silly. There's an epic battle in Ponyville between some ponies and some animals that want to rebel against Ponykind. It's gonna decide the fate of Ponyville, and we won't be there to see it." Pinkie said.
Rainbow Dash stared at her for a second and dove towards the ground, slowing down and landing in front of Pinkie.
"Pinkie, what are you talking about?"
"There's some really cool stuff we're about to miss." Pinkie pointed a hoof in the direction of Ponyville, where they could see smoke rising from several places.
Rainbow looked at Ponyville, but was more surprised at what was on Pinkie's outstretched hoof. Her eyes widened at seeing not just a sock, but a sandal.
"Pinkie, what are you wearing?" Rainbow Dash asked, cringing back.
"Socks and sandals. I liked them before, but I'm starting to think they're causing mass hysteria." Pinkie said. "So are we gonna watch that fight or what?"
"Pinkie, I am not going anywhere with those things." Rainbow Dash said before speeding off.
"Wait, Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie yelled.
Rainbow flew away to a secluded field a mile away. "Whew. I think I lost her."
"Hi, Dashie." Came a cheery voice from behind her. Rainbow sped off again further from Pinkie Pie.
Rainbow arrived at a tall hill a few miles from Ponyville. Pinkie had chased Rainbow countless times before, and she knew hiding was futile. Pinkie would just teleport or something. Rainbow Dash looked around for any sign of Pinkie Pie. There were none. Rainbow breathed a sight of relief, before noticing that the rock she was sitting on was lifting off the ground. She looked down, and under the rock was Pinkie Pie.
"Dashie, stop fooling around. We have a war to watch."
Rainbow Dash flew away. She knew that Pinkie would just find her hiding spot, but she didn't want to spend one minute around Pinkie's abominable hoof-wear. So she just flew away and just kept flying, faster, and faster, and faster, and faster, and... BOOM
Rainbow was too busy trying to get away to notice there was a mach cone forming around her. The mach cone had sharpened until she broke the sound barrier, creating a sonic rainboom that could be seen for miles. Pinkie's jaw dropped, gaping at the beautiful explosion of colors. Rainbow couldn't help but smile a little at another sonic rainboom. That expression of joy and pride was replaced with horror as she realized where she was heading towards.
When she did sonic rainbooms before, she noticed it was difficult to steer sharply. At this moment, Rainbow noticed she was heading straight for Ponyville, and she knew there wasn't enough time to steer. Rainbow Dash braced for impact.
Pinkie watched as the rainbow trail made a path in the sky, leading to town. After a moment, Pinkie saw a rainbow-colored mushroom cloud coming from the direction of Ponyville.
"Wow Dashie, that was amazing! Hold on, I'll be there in a minute." Pinkie yelled in the direction of town, thinking it was part of Dash's new trick. Pinkie Pie hopped back to Ponyville. She knew the battle had probably already started, and she didn't want to miss the finale.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _10 minutes earlier_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Braveheart and Donkey Kong rushed towards each other, focusing on the other's weak points. Donkey Kong took a swing for Braveheart's head, but he ducked before it made impact. Braveheart bucked his opponent in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Donkey Kong got to his feet and grabbed Braveheart, easily throwing him through the air. Braveheart landed on his back with a thud, and was about to get up before Donkey Kong punched him back down. Braveheart looked for a way out of his situation and noticed a fruit cart rolling down a hill towards them.
Donkey Kong grabbed him by the neck and lifted him up into the air. The gorilla made motions with his hands. Braveheart had learned basic sign language and knew Donkey Kong was asking if he had any last words.
"Yeah, I do." Braveheart said. Donkey Kong waited with a raised eyebrow.
"Fuck off." He said before kicking the gorilla in his face. Donkey Kong stumbled back a few feet, and prepared to charge at Braveheart, until the runaway fruit cart hit him in the side.
Donkey Kong was knocked onto his back by the fruit cart, and found it too hard to get up again. Looking around, he saw Braveheart walking towards him. He didn't have time to react before he felt a hoof slam against his throat. Knowing he had been defeated, he wanted to be defeated with honor. Donkey Kong closed his eyes and bowed his head to Braveheart, who was wondering what he should do. In front of him was an unarmed creature who's already accepted defeat, even if it was his enemy. Braveheart sighed and brought his hoof off Donkey Kong's neck. Donkey Kong opened his eye's to see Braveheart walking away. He knew his life had been spared.
BOOM
A loud explosion was heard and a blinding flash made the battle all but cease. Every Pony and animal looked up into the sky with dropped jaws at the spectacle before them. A multicolored mushroom cloud had risen from further into town. Braveheart glanced back to a surprised Donkey Kong, who was equally confused. A rumbling was heard as a large wall of rainbow colored dust and debris rushed towards them. Braveheart bowed to Donkey Kong, who he saw was still on the ground. Then, all he saw was rainbow.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _10 minutes earlier_ _ _ _ _ _ _
"The prophesy of a thousand prophesies?" Blazer asked. "Who makes these stupid names?"
"The wise ones." Crystal Ball said simply.
"Then the wise ones are stupid."
"Look, can we just read the prophecy and go please?" Smarty Pants asked irritably. The other ponies rolled their eyes. Even her own science team thought she was a bitch.
"If you wish haste, I will be quick." Crystal Ball stated. The wall in front of them was covered in ancient writing and pictures of events lined the wall.
"In the days of old, there were three kings: Gavinoff, Mr Bad, and Babalabalu. Gavinoff was the king of trolling. He was only slightly insane and would mess with ponies in every part of the land. Mr Bad tried to be the king of evil, but because of his name and high pitched voice, he was never taken seriously as an evil genius. Babalabalu was the actual king of evil. He brought plagues to the land, pillaged towns, and raped exactly sixteen griffons a day. The other two kings agreed that Babalabalu was a total dick, and they held a summit to decide what to do with him. Mr Bad wanted to send him a basket full of puppies. Gavinoff suggested busting a cap in his bitch ass. Gavinoff had the more favorable approach, and it was only a matter of time before war was waged on Babalabalu. With a low budget, Babalabalu could barely afford rent. There was no way he could raise an army fast enough. In an act of desperation, he decided to go into hiding. There were few places he could hide, so Babalabalu made the final decision to keep his evil energy in certain inanimate objects, so some pony would come along later and release his cruel spirit. Those objects were socks and sandals."
"Just like the dying pony said." Chief Flaming Hooves noted.
"Yes. But there is more. It says when the socks' and sandals' power is unleashed, nothing will be spared and all will suck. However, there is the chosen one; the one who is immune to the power of Babalabalu's spirit. The chosen one can harness their own true power and use it to defeat the Socks and Sandals. If the chosen one fails, darkness will descend on the land for exactly 517 years, 339 days, 7 hours, 42 minutes, and 38 seconds." Crystal Ball finished reading.
"So we just need to find the chosen one. Cool, who does it say the chosen one is?" Blazer asked.
"It does not say."
"Oh great. Well then, I can see this was a waste of my time. Why did you even bring me here?" Smarty Pants asked.
"Well, we thought we'd need your scientific expertise. But it seems like all we got was your expertise on pissing us off." Blazer replied.
Flaming Hooves sighed. "Look, we'll figure out who the chosen one is in time. How long do we have until Babalabalu does a bunch of bad stuff to Equestria?"
"It does not say, but I believe we should return to the surface to..."
BOOM
Crystal Ball was interrupted by a loud explosion topside, followed by the walls shaking all around them.
"We are already too late." Crystal Ball said, shaking her head.
"Does this mean we're gonna get raped?" asked Blazer.
"Yes. Yes it does." She replied.
"Damn it."
Socks and Sandals: The Destroyer of Worlds
Et tu, Pinkie? (The Final Fight)
Twilight Sparkle got off the train, expecting the town to be finishing up the day. Twilight was glad to be back. After a long couple days in Canterlot with Spike, they wanted to do nothing but go to bed. After a quick inspection of the town, they both sighed.
Nothing is ever that easy, is it? She thought.
The town in front of her was a complete mess. Building were standing, but had holes in their walls and their roofs were blown off. It was a miracle they were still standing. Other buildings weren't so lucky, as crumbled remains of houses and shops lined the streets. Twilight could see smoke rising from several places in Ponyville, and screams could easily be heard in the distance, along with animal noises of different kinds. Ponies could be seen either running or hiding from every direction. Even the train station was partially ruined. Twilight looked around and could tell there was a thin layer of multi-colored dust that blanketed the city.
"Wow, A disaster happened in Ponyville, and you weren't here to cause it?" Spike remarked with a grin, despite the current situation. Twilight paid him no mind, but saw an orange blur from the corner of her eye. After turning to the blur, Twilight could see through the rainbow colored dust that it was Applejack approaching her.
"Applejack? What happened here?" Twilight asked.
"Listen Twi, you gotta help me find Pinkie before she ruins anything else."
"Slow down, Applejack and tell me what happened. Where are the rest of our friends?"
"Pinkie caused a disaster, Fluttershy's missin', Rainbow Dash is in a coma, and Rarity's schizophrenic. Any more questions?" Applejack asked sarcastically.
Twilight looked at her incredulously. "You mean to tell me that Pinkie Pie is the cause of all this?"
"You gotta believe me, Twi. We have ta find her."
"I'm not going anywhere until know exactly what happened here."
Applejack sighed and prepared for the explanation. "Pinkie's wearing some messed up shoes that made everypony in town crazy and they started settin' fires an' breakin' stuff. Then, she waterboarded Rarity with a bottle of soda, made an army of critters retaliate against us, an' made Rainbow nuke the town."
It's almost like some kind of bad joke . Twilight thought. She looked around, and the current state of things seemed to confirm Applejack's story. But wait, did she says shoes caused this?
"Applejack, what exactly did you mean when you said that Pinkie's messed up shoes did this?"
The farm pony opened her mouth, but said nothing and started quivering.
"See for yourself." Applejack said pointing a hoof behind Twilight. Turning around, Twilight could see Pinkie bouncing up to her. Looking at her shoes, Applejack expected Twilight to go insane like everypony else. But no insanity came.
"I don't get it." Twilight said, looking at Pinkie's hooves with indifference. Twilight hadn't been affected by anything at all.
"Applejack, stop playing around and tell me what happened. Pinkie's shoes couldn't have possibly caused this."
"She is immune to the Pink One's corruption. She is the chosen one." Yelled a passerby.
"The demon shoes do not affect her!" Another said.
"Our savior! Take her to the sanctuary." An older stallion yelled.
"Demon shoes? Sanctuary? Pinkie, whats going on?" Twilight asked suspiciously at Pinkie. Twilight was then asked to follow the ponies to this "sanctuary". Twilight decided to just go with it and followed them. Applejack went with them. Pinkie bounced after her, wanting to tag along.
"She is in pursuit of our savior!" One pony yelled.
"We must defend the chosen one at all costs." Yelled another. Just then a group of ponies began to close in on Pinkie, all of them looking slightly upwards, so their eye's didn't meet the socks and sandals. Pinkie decided it was probably a good idea to run, and maybe take off the shoes afterwards. So she ran from the mob of crazy towns-ponies as Twilight sighed and walked on. Just another day.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
It was almost nighttime on arrival at the sanctuary, which turned out to just be town hall. The town hall was mostly intact, 'mostly' being the key word. There were still a few collapsed columns and a good portion of the roof was gone. Inside were a group of ponies talking amongst themselves. Most looked like scientists, a couple were fire-ponies and one looked like a regular pony, except for the eyes.
"Bringers of the prophesy, it is our humble honor to bring you the chosen one; the pony to deliver us from this pain and suffering. Twilight Sparkle." One of the ponies escorting her said. Twilight blushed a little.
"Hey Twilight."
"Hey Blazer."
"Twilight Sparkle, come, take a seat. There is much to discuss." The pony with the strange eyes said.
Twilight sat down, expecting a long story.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
"So, Pinkie Pie has released an evil spirit by wearing socks and sandals, and you need me to destroy them; all based on a prophesy you think is real?" Twilight asked with a skeptical look on her face.
"Well, you are the only one who doesn't succumb to their powers." Flaming Hooves pointed out. Smarty Pants was looking at Twilight sympathetically. After all, they both were ponies of science and reason.
"Well, that's hardly proof. I would like to help, but this prophesy of your's is a bit far fetched for me."
"C'mon Twilight, at least let us test it out." Blazer stated.
"How would we even do that? We already know I'm not affected."
"We could do a simple immunity test." Smarty Pants offered hesitantly. "Immunity is a trait formulated in your blood stream. A sample of your blood in another non-immune pony could work as a test. However, it's dangerous, and I've never had experience with immunity to fashion."
"Well, it's better than nothing. But wait. Who's gonna be our test subject?" Blazer asked. Everypony looked around the room. Nopony was too anxious to do blood tests of any kind, not to mention test it's actual immunity. For a few moments it seemed no one would volunteer.
"I'll do it." Said a voice from the other side of the room. Walking through the open door, covered in soda and overall looking like a total mess, was Rarity.
"Rarity, Ah thought you were catatonic." Applejack said surprised.
"I was. The hideous nature of Pinkie's socks and sandals caused my fashionista brain to overload. I'm okay now, and I'm willing to be your test subject if I must." Rarity said proudly.
"Rarity, no. Ya don't have ta do it." Applejack warned Rarity with a worried expression. Twilight rolled her eyes.
"But I do, dear Applejack. My friends need me. Fashion needs me. Equestria needs me. Doctors, I am ready whenever you are."
"Okay then, but just know that if you go comatose on us again, you may not come out of it." Smarty Pants warned. "Are you ready for that?"
Rarity made an audible gulp. "Yes. I will do it."
"Then come with us."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
The scientists took everyone to the basement level of town hall, where they set up a sanitary room with a large mirror on one wall. After asking Rarity one last time if she wanted to reconsider, Rarity rejected the notion. Smarty Pants brought a needle out of a cabinet and got a sample of Twilight's blood. After injecting the blood back into Rarity, the group of ponies stood looking through the window as Rarity stepped into the room. After waiting a few minutes, two ponies in radiation suits entered and put a large, vacuum-sealed black case on a table that sat in the middle of the room. The ponies opened the box as a white mist poured out of the opening. Averting their gazes the ponies pulled out a piece of paper. On the paper was a detailed drawing of the socks and sandals. In earlier tests, some ponies went insane after seeing just the piece of paper.
"Rarity, you can turn around now." Flaming Hooves instructed. Rarity turned slowly to the piece of paper. She continued to look at it and didn't take her eyes off it.
"Oh no, she's frozen again. Hurry, get her outta there!" Smarty Pants ordered.
"Wait!" Rarity yelled. "I'm fine... I'm fine!" Rarity said, a smile forming on her face. The ponies on the other side of the window were cheering and hugging. Brohoofs for everyone!
"We know what we have to do now." Flaming Hooves said, his voice rustling his glorious mustache.
"We gotta go kick Babajambajuice's ass." Blazer said enthusiastically.
"Babalabalu." Crystal Ball corrected.
"Whatever."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
"Okay, now that we're out here, what exactly am I supposed to do even if this 'Babalabalu' does show up?" Twilight asked.
"Babalabalu will not show his true form at first. You must lure the socks and sandals to you. You must find your pink friend who has triggered Babalabalu's return, and destroy the objects he had possessed." Crystal Ball answered.
Twilight decided she was done with adventures for the day. "Everypony close your eyes. I'll bring Pinkie here."
The other ponies nodded and did so.
"Hey everypony, there's a party over here!" Twilight yelled. The ponies felt a quick blow of the wind and opened their eyes to see Pinkie standing in front of them.
"Did somepony say party ?" An excited Pinkie asked.
"Okay, what do I do now?" Twilight asked plainly.
"I will summon the demon's true spirit. To do so, I must use the dialect of the first ponies." Crystal Ball said, preparing to release the true form of Babalabalu.
"Babalabalu, get your bitch-ass out here and face our hero like a stallion. Unless you afraid to? You afraid of a little unicorn, Babalabalu? The prophesy told me you was a bad mothabucka, but I can see that's no longer the case. You aint' even worth fightin', you sorry excuse for an evil overlord! Bitch-ass, pussy-ass, uhh... ass."
"NO!!!" Yelled a voice that seemed to be echoing through the town square. " I WILL NOT BE TALKED DOWN BY A MERE PONY LIKE YOU! NOTHING WILL STOP ME, NOT EVEN YOU, TWILIGHT SPARKLE!" The voice was almost making her deaf.
Pinkie lost control of her legs, and stepped back a few steps. The ground rumbled intensely. Out of the socks and sandals, a dark red cloud of energy rose into the air, covering half the town in darkness. The red cloud began to form a huge figure. It looked kinda like a face, with all the facial features, but it was definitely different. His face was broad and kinda flabby. His ears were on the side of his head, instead of on top. A drastically exaggerated comb-over sat atop his head.
"Babalabalu, you will be destroyed. This time for good, and you will no longer reign terror on the ponies of this world!" Crystal Ball yelled.
"SO, THE PROPHESY HAS BEEN READ, AND IT SEEMS YOU HAVE FOUND YOUR CHAMPION. NO MATTER, MY POWER EASILY TRUMPS HERS! SPEAKING OF WHICH, BABALABALU WAS MY EXILE NAME. MY SLAVES WILL REFER TO ME BY MY REAL NAME. DONALD TRUMP, THE MIGHTY DESTROYER OF WORLDS! IN THE END, YOU WILL ALL BECOME MY SERVANTS. I WILL DESTROY YOU!"
"No! You won't. We won't let you." Everyone looked to a pony on the left side of town square. It was Braveheart, and standing next to him was Donkey Kong. It seemed the ponies and animals had made peace after both sides had been hit by the sonic rain-nuke.
"PUNY PONY! YOU DARE CHALLENGE ME? SO BE IT. PEW PEW PEW!" The demon Trump said before firing a volley of lasers at Braveheart. Braveheart closed his eyes in preparation for the inevitable, but the inevitable didn't come. Braveheart opened his eyes, to find he was laser-free. Looking on the ground next to him, Donkey Kong hadn't appeared so lucky. Donkey Kong had dived in front of the lasers before impact, sparing the pony that spared him.
Braveheart dropped to the side of Donkey Kong, who lied there, ready for his fate.
"Hey, c'mon, stay with me. You're gonna be fine. Just hold still an..." He was cut off by a hand covering his mouth. Donkey Kong looked up and swallowed. It looked like he was trying to form words, but was having trouble.
"Kick this... motherbucker's... ass for me... please. And... and tell my... stuffed... banana plushie... I love... it."
Braveheart couldn't hold back any tears. "Okay. I will buddy. I will."
The courageous leader of the animals smiled and closed his eyes. Braveheart put his ear to the gorilla's chest. It was silent. Knowing what to do, he looked up to the giant head of Donald Trump, who was simply watching the scene in amusement. Braveheart steadily got to his feet, and grabbed his spear off the ground. Donald Trump was surprised as the pony actually got into a fighting stance.
"YOU WANT TO FIGHT ME? ALL ON YOUR OWN?" The demon laughed maniacally.
"No, not exactly." Braveheart said. A sound, or rather, a whole bunch of sounds began to close in on the town square until it was at a deafening volume. Dozens if not hundreds of pony militia soldiers and animals began to pour into the square. Above them, pegasi and birds of all kinds were flying together in formation. Even the demon Donald didn't see this coming.
"Attack!" yelled Braveheart. The hundreds of ponies and animals began closing the distance on Donald Trump's floating head. Although they couldn't deal actual damage to the evil spirit, they provided a fantastic distraction.
"Twilight, while he's distracted, do the spell!" Blazer yelled above the noise of the battle.
"What spell?"
"Twilight Sparkle, you must search your heart for the spell to disperse of the evil Trump." Crystal Ball said.
"What does that even mean?" Twilight yelled.
"Just search your heart like she said, Twi." said Applejack. "We believe in you."
All the ponies in the group nodded at her, even Smarty Pants found herself believing the impossible.
"Okay. I'll do it." Twilight said, walking closer to where Trump's floating head was shooting lasers in all directions.
Search my heart. Search my heart. Oh, what can that mean. Why can't things ever be simpler. Why can't I get a break? Twilight said, eyes widening and a small smile formed on her face. She didn't need to search her heart. Her biggest motivation was clear as day.
A break. All I want is a break. All I want is one day where nothing crazy, or bad, or catastrophic happens. All I want is one day of normality, and dammit, this ancient demon spirit is not going to keep me from that. Twilight thought, becoming angrier with every second. She started to lift off the ground and her eyes began to glow.
I'm sick of disasters, I'm sick of having to stop these disasters, and I'm sick of having to come back the next day to prevent another disaster. The ponies looked up at Twilight, who was now radiating a bright light.
"She's doing it, she's doing it." Flaming Hooves shouted excitedly.
I'm going to have a day without insanity, and if I have to drag this piece of shit to Tartaros to get it, fine.
"Hey, Donald! Face me like a mare." Twilight yelled in a voice very similar to the Royal Canterlot voice used by Luna. The ponies and animals stopped attacking as Donald Trump stopped firing lasers and looked towards Twilight. She was now glowing with a blinding light and had a victorious smirk on her face.
"Tell the demons of Tartaros I said hi." Twilight said, pointing her horn at the beast and casting the spell. A concentrated wave of purple energy overwhelmed the form looming over the town square.
"NOOOOO. YOU HAVE NOT DEFEATED ME, TWILIGHT SPARKLE. THIS IS NOT OVER. I'LL GET YOU MY PRETTY, AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO."
"I'm a dragon!" Spike yelled.
"YOU COULD'VE FOOLED ME, PIPSQUEAK!"
"Shut up and die already." Twilight said impatiently, a beam of energy still coming out of her horn.
"YOU WILL BE THE DEAD ONE, TWILIGHT. BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF DONALD JONATHAN TRUMP, BIAAAAAAATCH..." In a matter of seconds, it was over. The demon was defeated, and his spirit was gone with the wind. Twilight landed back down to Earth in a thud. Finally, she could get some peace; they all could. The rest of the ponies and Spike, who had been with them in the square, all lay on the ground. They'd all deserved a breather.
But that still left Pinkie Pie. She looked down at her hooves, now being able to move them freely again. She'd just found out her socks and sandals were actually an ancient demon who wanted to enslave ponies. The socks and sandals were now a pile of ashes. The demon had been slain and there was only one thing Pinkie could think to do now.
"Party time!" She yelled, pulling a party cannon out of nowhere and instantly turning the ruins of Ponyville into a ruins-themed party.
The ponies of Ponyville, as well as the animal army, gathered in the square to party the night away, forgetting that their town had been almost utterly destroyed. The four ponies of the Mane 6 that weren't either missing or in a coma were talking and laughing about this adventure they'd had in a mere 24 hours. It saddened them a little that Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash couldn't make it.
"Hey everypony." A voice called from behind.
"Fluttershy, Rainbow. Where were you two?" Rarity asked.
"I was um, hiding. Under a bridge." Fluttershy muttered. The other ponies figured that was the most they were getting out of her.
"What about you, Rainbow? I thought you were in a coma. An' what's with the wheelchair?" Applejack asked. Rainbow Dash was sitting in a wheelchair, instead of flying like normally.
"Oh, this? Nothin' much. I got out of my coma early, but the doctor at the hospital said that I'm paralyzed." She said. All of her friends embraced her in a hug, knowing that her dreams of being a great athlete were crushed.
"I'm so sorry, Rainbow Dash. If you ever need us, we'll be here for you." Twilight Sparkle said sincerely.
"Bleh. Guys, get off me. Why are you being so sappy. My left ear is paralyzed, not my whole body." Rainbow said, demonstrating her lack of ability to move her ear without a hoof. The rest looked at her confused.
"Then why are you in that wheelchair?" Pinkie asked.
"Because it's fun to roll around in from time to time." Rainbow Dash said, moving her wheelchair back and forth over and over, a large smile forming on her face.
"I don't know why it's so fun, but it is !"
Her friends laughed. Applejack couldn't wait to tell this story to Apple Bloom.
"Wait a minute. Ah haven't seen Apple Bloom since this morning."
"Hm, and I haven't seen Sweetie Belle since she went out to play with Apple Bloom and Scootaloo." Rarity mentioned. Where there was chaos, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were usually at the forefront. This was definitely the forefront, but no CMC in sight.
"Oh, I know where they went." Pinkie chimed in. "When I still had my socks and sandals, the girls ran off. They looked like they were trying to stay away from Ponyville."
"Oh no. They could be anywhere by now." Applejack said, worried. Rarity had the same worries.
The Mane 6 all looked at each other and sighed. They all knew what tomorrow was gonna be, and nopony was excited for it, especially not Twilight.
Tomorrow began the search for the CMC. Celestia help us all.
