That Darn Cat

by thewaffler

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Sweetie Belle, Gore, Opalescence, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Rarity, Other, Spike
Length: 2204

Opal goes too far and Sweetie wants revenge and Spike helps her.

After Opal goes too far eats Sweetie Belle's pet goldfish and with a crazy idea from Spike, the little unicorn filly may just get her revenge on the wicked feline.

Part 1 of the Spike kills your pets series.

It has a gore rating, but think of it as more PG rated, rather than a complete blood bath.

Cover Image inspired by the web comic: Goldfish Burial by Chaoticbrony:

Published 2012-08-17 13:54:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-17 13:54:01 UTC

Chapter 1

It a fairly average day in Ponyville and Spike was delivering some voice training books to Sweetie Belle at the Carousel Boutique. Rarity and the other five had left to see a showing of 'Cirque de so Lame' as the purple drake called it. When Spike reached his destination he knocked and received no answer, so he opened the door and vaguely heard muffled whimpering noises from upstairs.

Spike placed the books on the counter and was about to head up to what he assumed was Sweetie's bedroom, but just as he made his way to the stairs Rarity's cat barreled into him. "Stupid cat!" Opal hissed at him and the dragon gave it the look that said, 'come at me bro.'

As Spike finally made his way up the stairs and nudged the door open slightly he felt a pang of sadness at the sight of his own special somepony crying while as she stared into a near empty fish bowl.

Sweetie Belle's face was wet, her cheeks stained with tears and puffy with a tinge of red on them. "M-Mr. Bubbles...st-st-stupid cat..." She stopped when she heard the door creak open. It wasn't hard for her to figure out who was there as Rarity was out and the rest of the Crusaders were busy. "Spike?"

The dragon chastised himself for spying on her. "Um...sorry for peeping, it's just that I was dropping those books off and I heard noises and I wanted to make sure you were alright." Spike rambled on as he tried to explain what he was doing in the doorway.

He expected yelling, but what he didn't expect was to bit knocked over by an alabaster colored blur. "Spike! It was terrible Rarity's pain in the flank of a cat ate Mr. Bubbles my pet goldfish!" Sweetie whom only a few minutes ago had been crying was now full of venom as she mentioned what events had transpired earlier that day.

Spike and damn near everyone that has been to the Carousel Boutique to visit the two sisters knew how truly evil the cat was, even dear sweet Fluttershy whom loved all animals would rather pull teeth from an angry honey badger than take care of Opalescence. The only pony that was oblivious to how nasty that cat was was Rarity whom continued to baby and dote on the wicked feline. Spike was only lucky that his scales were stronger than its claws.

Sweetie Belle broke the growing silence. "Opal is always doing stuff like this. She shredded my diary, ripped a solid chunk out of my mane and...marked my saddle bag amongst other things."

"Wait, I thought only male cats do that?"

"Yeah, I did too. It just feels like she does things out of spite."

Sweetie Belle was getting angrier by the second and Spike knew what ponies were capable of when pushed to the extreme and that was 'anything and everything.' Spike was scared what Sweetie Belle could do considering he had seen Twilight burst into living flames, Rarity turn into a skilled martial artist and pinkie...well...he didn't need to dwell on that one. "Um, Sweetie, why don't we go to the library and get some ice cream?"

While the white filly was still very livid she agreed and the two set off towards the Ponyvlle library.

The two of them were at the library as Spike had suggested they got some ice cream and some waffle cones in the hopes that a frozen dairy snack would help take Sweetie Belle's mind off of things...

...It didn't work only now they had sweet sugary Chunky Monkey and Cherry Garcia in their bellies along with hatred for everything Opal.

As Spike continued to munch on the waffle cone that once housed his frozen treat he noticed a bunch of small red and orange feathers laying around the floor and a dark and twisted stroke of genius came to mind. He turned to Sweetie. "Why don't we feed Opal, Pee Wee?"

The white filly looked at her dragon like he was crazy. "But, Spike--" He silenced her with a raised index finger.

"I know what you're thinking, but Pee Wee is beginning to molt and is gonna burst into flames soon anyway, so it won't hurt him." Spike explained phoenix regeneration to Sweetie as he gestured to the now balding hatchling who was eagerly pulling his feathers out.

The unicorn was beginning to understand what Spike was saying about his pet. "So...when Opal eats him...." She envisioned the tiny bird bursting into flames as hot as molten steel, turning into ash and launching forward in a flash of white light and becoming whole again.

He absent mindedly finished her sentence."...it'll be like a gory jack in the box."

She tried to come up with a reason why it was wrong other than it was Rarity's pet and after about four minutes she couldn't think of anything especially after the saddle bag and gold fish incidents. Her conscience divided into the stereotypical angel and devil depictions of herself except the angel didn't show up.

The devil on her left side spoke up. "Kill the cat, it won't be missed. It's caused you nothing but trouble."

"Umm...isn't there supposed to an angel here as well?"

"You know I don't think she ever showed up for work."

Meanwhile Sweetie's good conscience angel was sleeping as the alarm clock kept ringing.

"Like I was saying, you should put the kitty to sleep...PERMANENTLY...MWHAHAHA."

"Okay, I'll go with your idea."

"Sweetie? Sweetie? SWEETIE!" Spike yelled in the Royal Equestrian voice to get her attention.

She snapped out of her trance."Huh? Wha?"

"I was telling you my idea for removing Opal."

"I'm all for it."

"G-great, now we just have to ask Pee Wee if he'd be interested in being a snack."

The two of them went up the stairs to the bird whom was still pulling out feathers and scratching itself. They sat down before the baby phoenix and explained to it what they wanted to do.

"Chirp, chirp chiiiiirp, chirp, chirp." Pee Wee responded to their request.

Spike nodded. "That much?"

As if giving a final answer the fire parrot hatchling responded with a cold. "Chirp."

Sweetie couldn't follow any of what Spike and Pee Wee were discussing so she turned to the drake to get a better understanding of the situation. "Spike, I didn't now you could understand birds and what is he saying?"

"Yeah, Fluttershy taught me. Pee Wee wants two pounds of Shy's special bird seed, a tankard of cider and pack of firecrackers."

Spike knew the cider would be hard to come by in the off season, but he knew where early high quality barrels the Flim-Flam brothers were kept. The firecrackers could be gotten from one of the colts in Sweetie's class and the bird seed would cost quit a few bits as it was the premium stuff that Fluttershy sold.

"Okay Pee Wee you got yourself a deal."

An hour later at the boutique they set up plastic over all the dresses, fabric and ponyquins in the display area of the store, just in case of a mess. Spike got his feathered friend out from a nearby basket.

They feigned innocence and set Pee Wee whom was playing the part of the weak baby bird, down in the middle of the show room and pretend to walk out the door. Opal walked out of the kitchen and almost spotted the defenseless sickly looking hatchling, looked at it hungrily and decided that bird would go great with that fish it ate earlier.

Spike and Sweetie walk back into the room and acted shocked and angry. Tears were rolling down Spike's eyes which were the clever byproduct of squirting lemon juice in them.

"H-how could you, it was barely a few months old and you had to eat him didn't you? You're worst than those teenage dragons!" Spike said in an overly dramatic tone, it was clear that he should leave the scenery chewing to someone like Rarity or Discord.

Sweetie Belle pretended to cry.

Opal looked content and hisses at the two. She seemed satisfied with her meal, but then she felt sudden warmth in her belly. She at first ignored it thinking it was mild indigestion. A few seconds later the warmth turned into intense pain and it felt like her blood is boiling. She started to panic and began to let out a gut churning shriek. The look of horror was etched on her face. It was like her stomach was ripping open and as she was reaching the climax of her pain, she let out the most blood curdling howl as she was literally being cooked from the inside out. Somehow very much alive Opal watched as her chest burst open and a white beam of light flew of her out sending tar hot blood, bone fragments and other baked bodily fluids into the room.

Pee Wee reassimilated himself albeit now with healthy plumage as he let out a series happy tweets and whistles.

The young dragon and unicorn filly were shocked about what they had just witnessed. "Crap, we're gonna have to clean this up. At least we covered Rarity's dresses, fabrics and ponyquins with plastic before we began."

The two spent the next three hours cleaning the Boutique that was covered in blood and cat guts. When they were done it looked better than new.

Spike turned to his fillyfriend. "Umm, let's never speak of this again."

"Speak of what?"

"Exactly."

"Anyway, we still on for that triple date this Saturday with Scootaloo and Pipsqueak and Applebloom and Feather Weight?"

"Yep as long as we can rent a balloon and get Twilight to cast that cloud walking spell." Sweetie said as she got another trash bag out from under the kitchen sink.

"Well, I hate to cut this short, but I need to clean the library before Twilight gets home and you still have a cat to bury."

Sweetie Belle watched Spike walk out the door dreamily as she shoveled the remains of Opal into a shoe box.

About 20 minutes later Rarity returned from the performance she and her friends had gone to see in Canterlot. She approached her home and business when she noticed Sweetie Belle digging a hole in the front yard.

"Sweetie what are you digging a hole in my yard for?"

"I'm burying my goldfish."

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry about that..." She saw that the box was a tad too big for a fish. "...um Sweetie if I may, why are you using such a big box?"

"He's inside your stupid cat." She said coldly as she continued digging.

'Surely doesn't mean...' Rarity thought as she lifted the lid on the box and was greeted by Opal's face frozen in the fear as there was blood all over her once white coat with a gory chest wound with bone, connective tissue and organs seemingly scorched as if the cat been cooked from the inside out. "WHA HA HA!!!" Rarity shrieked and fainted getting grass stains on her ivory fur.

As sweetie finished her hole she saw lights in the sky and heard a synthetic melody (close encounters theme) play through the air when suddenly a flying saucer landed right next to her. To say Sweetie and the nearby townsfolk were shocked would've been an understatement.

Once the craft had landed a tiny furry bi-pedal alien emerged. "You wouldn't know where Earth is, would you?"

Sweetie Belle still shocked once shook her head slightly.

"Darn..." He sniffed the air and was entranced by the smell coming from the cardboard box. "Hey, what's that heavenly smell?"

"My sister's cat." Sweetie sheepishly replied.

The alien began to lift the top off the box and began to salivate. "Roasted cat!!! Just like mom used to make." He ripped off one of Opal's legs and gave it a chew which drawled a collective gasp from the crowd of ponies. "Mmmm, better than Mom's, I'll give you twenty quazars for it."

"Uh..."

"Okay you drive a hard bargain, twenty-five quazars and not a shintuuple more."

Sweetie Belle only shrugged. "Um, okay?"

The brown fuzzy alien threw a bag of strange looking coins to the hesitate filly. "Thanks, now I must be going. I mean American suburban families aren't gonna annoy themselves are they?" It was a rhetorical question as Alf went back into his space ship with his dinner. He looked down at the box. 'Sucker, I would have gone as high as thirty quazars.'

The ground shock as the craft took off into the sky leaving everyone with the exception of Rarity whom was still unconscious to wonder what just happened and who was that obnoxious cat eating alien.

Sweetie Belle looked at the coins once more before filling in the empty hole. 'At least I have something for Show and Tell next week.'

She dragged Rarity inside the Boutique onto her fainting couch as Rarity had the most terrifying nightmare. When she woke up Sweetie explained that it was all a dream and the only true parts were her cat going missing and the strange alien.