Twilight’s eye twitched. Just twelve hours ago, everything was fine. Now, however, everything decided to go down like a rollercoaster with faulty brakes. And Twilight just forgot to fasten her seatbelts.

First Shining woke her up, yelling that Flurry and her friends went missing. She, Shining, Flash, and Cadance were barely able to start searching for them when Mrs. Cake approached them – as it turned out, looking for her own children.

They searched through the whole town, including bars, ditches, and Hugh Jelly’s basement. However, before they could check in the Everfree Forest, Twilight got a message from Canterlot.

Princess Luna had been attacked by her guards.

Twilight was just catching her breath after teleporting everyone—including Mrs. Cake— to Canterlot, when Luna entered the hall, dragging some hapless bat pony behind.

“Is this one of the attackers?” Twilight asked.

“No, we found her unconscious in the armour closet,” Luna replied. “Same with her sister. Also, from what I was told, the captain of my Guard has been turned into a frog.”

“Interesting,” Flash said, walking to the bat pony and looking at her. Her armour was dented and dirty and her mane was ruffled – probably a side effect of Luna grabbing her tail and just dragging her all the way from the tower. “Who are you?”

“Midnight Knight,” the bat pony replied. “With a ‘k’. Seriously, no one ever writes my name correctly. Don’t send me to the caves, okay? I ain’t remember nothing.”

“So you remember something?” Flash asked.

“Nah, I don’t remember shit,” Midnight Knight replied, groaning and rubbing her temples. “We were on duty in the tower and then she woke me up and brought me here.” She looked at Luna. “By the way, Your Highness, I’m pretty sure your guards would live longer if they were levitated rather than thrown down the stairs, okay? Or just let them walk. I can do it just fine.”

Flash furrowed his eyebrows. “You do realise speaking to your Princess in such a manner can get you dishonorably discharged?”

“Really?” Midnight Knight smirked and turned to Luna. “You know what? This place sucks. Old bats say that it’s a great honour and shit to serve in your guard, but really it’s like, the food is shit, none of the armours fit my ass, I have to fill seven different forms and write a report anytime I use a spear, I didn’t get the dental plan I was promised, and the captain is a Luna-damn diddler. Hope she stays a frog forever.”

“I will keep that in mind,” Luna muttered. “Consider yourself dishonourably discharged.”

“What about my sister?”

Luna sighed. “She can get lost as well. That is, after she writes a report. We found her bloodied spear lying on the floor in my tower.”

“Whose blood is it?” Twilight asked.

“We are testing it, but it seems to be an alicorn blood,” Luna replied. “The blade started to rust.”

Cadance let out a stifled scream. Shining Armor dropped on the floor.

“Eh, I would not worry,” Luna said. “Alicorns are tough, after all. I remember that one time when we fought King Sombra and he dropped–”

“We have no time for fond memories,” Twilight said. “So, the ponies who attacked you must’ve met Flurry and her friends. Where can they be?”

“The attackers?” Luna pointed at her tower. “I would say they are everywhere now. Unless, of course, you believe in some form of afterlife, then they are in a better place now.”

“Which, knowing Flurry, may have been the best fate they could meet,” Flash muttered. “Does any of you believe those were just ordinary bat ponies with spears? Flurry would mind control them into shoving the spears into their–” He suddenly realised that he was speaking to royals. “You know what I mean. And if mind control didn’t work, she’d do that herself. There must be someone far more powerful behind it.”

“Of that I am sure,” Luna said. “But where is Flurry?”

“Where are we?” Rough Diamond stood up and spat out some dust. Looking around, she saw that Luna’s spell removed the bat pony disguise from them. They were in the middle of some deserted wasteland; it was the middle of the night, at least judging from the stars above them.

“I can see my house from here,” Precious Gem said.

“Great, so we’re not far away from the Crystal–” Rough Diamond looked in the direction Precious Gem was pointing. “Oh, are you fucking kidding me?”

Flurry got up and looked at the sky. A small, blue and green planet was hanging above them; they could see white patches of clouds and ice caps on each pole – just like every inhabited planet.

The problem was, however, the distance.

“Are we on the Moon?” Pumpkin asked, staring at the sky.

“It seems so,” Flurry replied. “Auntie Luna must’ve been really pissed when we woke her up.”

“Hmm…” Precious Gem grabbed a hoofful of dust and licked it. “No, it’s not made of cheese.”

“But how are we able to breathe?” Pound asked. “Like, there’s no atmosphere here, right?”

“It’s just another lie told by the government.” Pumpkin shrugged. “After all, Luna managed to live here for a thousand years, right?”

“Watch out, we’re the government here,” Rough Diamond muttered. “Also, I think Precious Gem explained this to me once. Like, Luna was in the Moon, not on the Moon, which makes a, uhh…”

“Significant difference,” Precious Gem said. “As for breathing, I hope it’s not that old trick that something is possible as long as we believe it is.”

Flurry furrowed her eyebrows. “Why so?”

“If it’s like this, then Pumpkin suffocates first, due to her disturbing lack of faith,” Precious Gem replied. “And since we’re technically in space, I’m afraid no one will hear us scream.”

Pumpkin scoffed. “Well, I believe we can breathe here simply because we do. It’s not a matter of faith. Also, maybe you all should start thinking how to come back home? We can’t sit here forever.”

“Technically, we could start a civilisation here.” Rough Diamond smirked and looked at Pound. “Though we’d probably starve first and even if we manage to eat rocks, the future generations may be slightly inbred.”

“Damn, girl.” Precious Gem shook her head. “We have, like, the only occasion to look at the surface of the Moon this close and you only think about dicks.”

“Look who’s talking,” Rough Diamond muttered. “I’d like to remind you that–”

“Shut up and listen to me!” Flurry exclaimed. Lightning struck in the distance – an impressive feat, given the lack of any clouds whatsoever. “I’m the only princess on this planet, so naturally I should take charge.”

“It’s a satellite,” Precious Gem said. “When we’re back home, I’ll tell Sunburst that you slept through all the astronomy classes.”

“I know, but ‘I’m the only princess on this satellite’ doesn’t have that ring to it,” Flurry replied. “Anyway, we can’t come back to Equestria.”

“You can’t teleport us?” Pumpkin asked.

Pound shuddered. “Oh no…”

Flurry rolled her eyes and turned to Pumpkin. “Have you ever tried to teleport on your own? You need to choose some defined point as your destination. Equestria is too far, so I’d have to split the road into stages. And I can’t define a stage as ‘some random point in vacuum’.”

“Maybe I could help you, somehow?” Pumpkin shrugged. “It can’t be that hard.”

“Well, after two, maybe three stages I’d get tired and we’d all die,” Flurry replied. “Not to mention that now your heads would explode, either from vacuum or continuous teleportations.”

“So, what do we do?” Pound asked.

“We can eat Precious Gem.” Rough Diamond got up and looked at the librarian. “Then we’ll draw straws, assuming we can find any here…”

“In your dreams,” Precious Gem replied. “Also, we can still give ponies on Earth some kind of signal that we’re here, right?”

“Yes, that was what I was thinking about,” Flurry said. “Like, draw something on the surface, so they’d see it.”

“It’ll take a while and a lot of walking.” Pound looked around. “Unless each of us gets one letter.”

“Who said anything about letters?” Flurry smirked. “Also, I guess I can do something about that…”

She lit her horn. The dust around her raised from the ground, exposing the darker layer underneath. Flurry’s wing shot open, causing the lines of dust to run in all directions. Rough Diamond dodged a stream of regolith and looked at the thick, dark line that appeared next to her. A similar line could be seen far away in the distance.

Flurry opened her eyes, watching the dust settle. “Okay,” she said. “They should see that once auntie Luna raises the Moon. And I bet they’ll come to fetch us immediately.”

“What is it?” Precious Gem looked around and furrowed her eyebrows. “Hard to tell from the surface.”

Flurry leaned to her and whispered into her ear. Precious Gem’s eyes widened.

“What’s going on?” Pumpkin asked.

“We’re going straight to Tartarus,” Precious Gem replied.

Rainbow Dash landed on the balcony in front of Twilight. Her Wonderbolts uniform was torn in a few places; she also had a bloody scratch on her face.

“We haven’t found Flurry in the Everfree Forest,” she said. “Also, it seems the quarray eels in the Ghastly Gorge are getting faster every year.”

“No trace of any new, powerful villains?” Twilight asked. “Though if they were truly powerful, maybe they’d manage to hide from us? What if they’re everywhere? They could be one of us!”

“Stop, for Celestia’s sake!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “I know where this is going. You’re going to go crazy and assume Applejack is a villain. Then some idiot, for example Flash will stab you and claim that it’s obvious you were the villain all along.”

Twilight’s eye twitched. “Last time it was Fluttershy.”

“Could be.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “But the thing is, you’re not helping. And before you ask, I’m not the villain.”

“This is something a villain would say,” Twilight replied, prompting everyone in the room to look at Rainbow Dash.

Before Rainbow Dash could respond, the door of Twilight’s room opened and Luna walked in. “I know that the discussion whether Rainbow is a villain is interesting, but we need to raise the moon,” she said. “Ponies may start to panic if we don’t.”

Twilight groaned. “Are you listening to what I’m doing here?”

“Well, to be fair, I am not the only one.” Luna turned back, urging Starlight, Sunburst, Flash, Cadance, Shining Armor, and the rest of Twilight’s friends to enter the room. “You were twilighting to yourself pretty loudly.”

“At least she didn’t go full Starlight,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“Hey!” Starlight exclaimed.

“What?” Rainbow Dash shrugged in mid-air as the Moon emerged from under the horizon behind her. “Don’t tell me it’s not true…” She looked at everyone gathered in the room. “Why are you looking at me like that? I said I’m not the villain!”

“Uhh…” Flash looked at the ponies around him, but no one said anything, so he continued. “You may want to look at the Moon.”

Rainbow Dash turned back. For a moment she watched the Moon, her smile widening. Suddenly, she dropped on the balcony in a fit of laughter.

“We are not amused by this,” Luna muttered, furrowing her eyebrows.

“Well, it must be huge,” Twilight said, her eyes widening. “I mean, if the radius of the moon is–”

“Are you talking about the length or girth?” Sunburst asked.

“Both,” Twilight replied. “But it’s not quite biologically accurate. Whoever did this probably got more inspired by graffiti rather than, uhh, the real deal.”

“Should we tell Rainbow Dash to grow up and stop laughing?” Applejack looked at Rainbow Dash.

Starlight sighed. “She had over forty years to grow up. At this point I’d say it’s a lost cause.”

“But who’d do this?” Cadance looked at the Moon again. “I mean, I must admit it’s pretty impressive, though Luna probably doesn’t agree…”

Luna exhaled loudly. “Well, of course I do not agree! Which heathen defaced my Moon?!”

Rainbow Dash stopped laughing. “Well, to be honest, that’s not exactly a face.”

“Shut up!” Luna exclaimed. “Of course, I could have expected that… Discord!”

Discord appeared next to her in a puff of smoke. For some reason, he carried a telescope with him. “Oh, Luna! You called?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know why I called you!” Luna shouted. “What did you do to my Moon?”

Discord looked at the Moon. The he looked again, this time using the telescope. “Shame on you, Lulu,” he said. “Do you think I’d be so... immature to pull off such a dick move on you?”

“Yes, that is exactly what I think,” Luna replied, trying to ignore the fact that Rainbow Dash started to laugh again.

“Oh, I’d look for someone completely different,” Discord replied. “Mine doesn’t even look like this.” He looked down. “In fact, I’m not sure what animal it comes from…”

Luna’s eye twitched. “You won’t have that dilemma after I am done with you!”

“Physical violence?” Discord smirked and conjured a large pair of scissors. “I’d think twice before using those,” he said. “In fact, you look a bit stressed, so maybe–”

“Maybe I’ll shove them up your arse and open them?” Luna exclaimed. “Some villainous lout drew a pair of genitalia on my Moon! I want them hanged, drawn, and quartered!”

“Hanged?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I’d say they’re already well-hung.”

Luna shuddered. “I told you to shut up! And you two, stop calculating the dimensions!”

“About six hundred twenty miles,” Sunburst said.

“Does anyone listen to me?” Luna groaned.

“Chill out, Your Highness.” Rainbow Dash smirked. “It could be worse. At least no one drew a dick on Uranus…”

Luna’s hooves started to tremble.

“It doesn’t look like the rescue team comes anytime soon,” Pound said.

“Maybe they’re planning to leave us here to starve,” Precious Gem kicked a nearby rock, sending it flying. “I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Don’t worry, someone will eventually get sent here to see what’s going on.” Flurry looked at the lines. “I mean, if something like this appears on the Moon, you want to see it, if only for curiosity.”

Suddenly, something exploded next to them, causing dust and debris to fly off in all directions. Flurry looked there and saw a small crater that wasn’t there just a few minutes ago.

“Great,” Pound muttered. “We’re gonna get killed by asteroids.”

“Well, now it’s technically a meteorite,” Precious Gem said, walking to the crater. “Or maybe not.”

Pumpkin walked to her and looked into the crater. “Rainbow Dash!” she exclaimed. “Are you here to save us?”

“Where is ‘here’?” Rainbow Dash asked, getting out of the ditch. “At one moment I told Luna that at least no one drew a dick on Uranus and then suddenly I’m here–” She saw Flurry and smiled. “There you are! Where’s that villain who kidnapped you? We need to kick their ass and get out of here! Then we can think of removing the dick from the Moon.”

“We are on the Moon,” Rough Diamond said.

“What?” Rainbow Dash looked around. “Well, that’d explain many things… How did you get here?”

“Long story,” Flurry replied. “Well, we also pissed off Princess Luna, I guess.”

“Oh, she’s surely pissed off.” Rainbow Dash chuckled. “Too bad you couldn’t see her face when she saw the Moon. Have you seen the heathen who did this?”

“Heathen?” Rough Diamond asked. “What’s this?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I don’t know either, but that’s what Luna said about them. So, if you know who are those heathens, show me the way so we can kick their asses or congratulate them.”

“Well, actually, we did this,” Flurry said.

“Don’t bring me into it,” Precious Gem muttered. “I like my library and I’d rather not end up getting sent on a student exchange to Yakyakistan. Or to Frozen North.”

“Who’d they exchange you for?” Rough Diamond asked. “Bighoof?”

“Princess Cadance would probably find this quite interesting,” Pumpkin said. “I mean, if what they say about her is true…”

Flurry raised her head. “What do they say?”

Pumpkin smiled sheepishly. “Uhh… Nothing in particular. I mean–”

“Tell me,” Flurry whispered, her eyes lighting up. Pumpkin shuddered, her body going limp.

“Hey, maybe stop torturing my sister, okay?” Pound said, walking to Flurry and dragging her away from Pumpkin. “Are all alicorns so short-fused?”

“Yes,” Rainbow Dash replied. “You should see Twilight when she’s not busy friendshipping.”

“I’m not short-fused!” Flurry exclaimed. Even though it still seemed impossible, another lightning struck in the distance, complete with the roar of thunder spreading in a vaguely-existing atmosphere.

“Of course you’re not.” Rainbow Dash poked Pumpkin with her hoof. “Is she even alive?”

“She’s going to have a nasty headache, I hope,” Flurry replied. “Also, how long do you think it’ll take Luna to figure out that maybe she should check what’s going on in here?”

“Well, before I left, Twilight and Sunburst were busy estimating the size of your dick.” Rainbow Dash winced. “This sounded much better in my head.”

“Great.” Precious Gem groaned. “We’re gonna die here because ponies prefer to estimate the size of a drawing on the Moon.”

“How big is it, anyway?” Rough Diamond asked.

“About six hundred and twenty miles,” Precious Gem replied. “You could’ve drawn something useful here, like ‘Here We Are, Dude’ or a smiley…”

“A smiley wouldn’t have such an impact,” Flurry said. “Besides, we were going to prank Princess Luna, right? That’s the ultimate prank, I’d say.”

“Yes, but we’re on the Moon now, with no hopes of ever getting back home.” Pound sighed. “Am I really the only one bothered by this?”

“Yes.” Rough Diamond looked at the dark sky. “Because when we get back to Earth, Princess Cadance will send us to… Uhh, where can she send us?”

“To the ruins of Crystalia?” Precious Gem asked. “Thought it wouldn’t be much worse.”

Rough Diamond waved her hoof. “Nah, I don’t mean that. Like, Celestia once sent Luna to the Moon, Luna sent us to the Moon, we’ve been sending ponies to Tartarus, and if you piss off Celestia too much, then she can probably kick you all the way to the Sun. But where would Cadance send ponies? As a Princess of Love, I mean?”

“I hope it’s some good brothel.” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “And I’m pretty sure Twilight will lock me in some endless library one day.”

Pumpkin opened one eye. “What about a Friendship Reeducation Course? I told her that she should think about it once, but she never listened. That way, we could catch potential villains and teach them friendship before they turn evil, whether they want it or not.”

“Is there an alicorn you didn’t try to turn evil?” Flurry asked.

“Well, I once sent a letter to Princess Celestia, but she told me not to write, ever.” Pumpkin smiled sheepishly.

Flurry rolled her eyes. “I wonder why.”

“Well, I only suggested–” Pumpkin winced, rubbing her temples. “Can you stop trying to fry my brain? I’m gonna get cancer or something!”

“It just happens on its own,” Flurry said. “Also, I wouldn’t worry about staying here. I mean, there are reasonable ponies down there. Someone will figure this out and–”

Something heavy hit the ground behind them. They all turned to see another crater, still smoking after the impact.

“I’m starting to sense a pattern,” Precious Gem said, walking to the crater.

“Starlight?” Rainbow Dash asked, seeing the pony who raised from the crater. “What did you do?”

“I told Luna that she can’t just teleport ponies wherever she wants to and that if a big dick pisses her off so much then she should go and get one because that’s apparently what she needs.” Starlight shrugged.

“And she sent you to the Moon for that?” Flurry asked.

“Nah, for telling her that I’m not sharing Sunburst with her.” Starlight sighed. “Also, what are you doing here?”

“Luna happened.” Flurry smirked. “We wanted to prank her, so we disguised as her guards. You can guess the rest.”

“Ah, of course,” Starlight replied. “Too bad Trixie isn’t here. We’d be home in no time.”

“No way!” Flurry exclaimed. “Not even I can teleport everyone back!”

Starlight sighed and shook her head. “I mean, she can build rockets out of shit.”

“Literally?” Rough Diamond asked. “I mean, we don’t have that much and without food–”

“I’d like to say no, but one can never be sure,” Starlight replied with a shudder.

“I’d rather stay here if this was an alternative,” Pumpkin said. “I mean, I could always establish a moon base…”

Precious Gem shrugged. “Eh, I had worse.”

“This still doesn’t help us.” Starlight turned to Flurry. “Since nopony seems to be catching subtle messages, write something like ‘we’re here, you dingus’ on the surface.”

Suddenly, she heard a low-pitched chuckle behind her. She spun in place to see Discord standing on some rock. For some reason, he wore a bright pink spacesuit.

“Excuse me,” Discord said, “did you just call drawing a crude depiction of male genitalia on the surface of the Moon a subtle message?” He patted Starlight’s back and gave her a golden statuette. “This one’s for the winner of the ‘This Sounded Better In My Head’ category.” He teleported, appearing next to Flurry and ruffling her mane. “Of course, the winner of ‘I Didn’t Think This Through’ was already known.”

Flurry furrowed her eyebrows. “No wonder Luna kicked you here.”

“Lies!” Discord exclaimed. “Slander! Unlike you, Ms. Dash, Ms. Glimmer, and your colourful bunch of friends, I didn’t end up here for getting on Luna’s nerves. I got here all by myself.”

“How?” Pumpkin asked.

Discord pulled a piece of paper out of nowhere. “Well, imagine that this is our spacetime and those two points are the Moon and Earth. Normally, they’re pretty far away, as the spacetime generally doesn’t change shape. However, if you can bend the spacetime around yourself, you can form a wormhole, or more correctly, Einstein-Rosen bridge–”

“Who is Einstein?” Pumpkin asked.

Discord rolled his eyes. “Okay, it’s chaos magic. I don’t have to explain it.”

Pumpkin leaned closer to Discord. “Is it possible to learn this power?”

“It takes seven centuries to master,” Discord replied. “Hope you have a lot of free time.”

“Wait,” Flurry said, levitating Pumpkin away from Discord. “So, you just went here on your own? Can you bring us back home?”

“Yes,” Discord replied. “But where's the fun in that?”

“Well, I might not be Luna, but I can probably think of something, like sending you to–”

“Uranus?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Discord shook his head. “Eh, you’re indeed not Luna. I’d say you’re not even Starlight.”

“Hey!” Starlight exclaimed.

“Pray tell me, young Flurry Heart, how did you want to banish me? Starlight once tried, right? But I’m like Lassie, I always come home.”

“I don’t know who’s Lassie,” Starlight muttered. “If I recall correctly, my comparison involved a broken toilet that doesn’t flush.”

“Starlight used to be kinda crude, yeah.” Discord smirked. “But well, how are you going to banish me?”

Flurry charged her horn. Still smirking, Discord snapped his fingers. The surface of the Moon suddenly disappeared, turning into a dark blue ocean of some strange substance – not a liquid, but not exactly a gas either.

“Where are we?” Flurry asked. “Where’s everyone?”

“Still on the Moon, I hope,” Discord replied. “As for us, we’re, as bad as it sounds, as close to Uranus as we can without getting suffocated in the methane atmosphere.” He shrugged. “Not that I have a problem with that, but for you it could be terribly inconvenient.”

Flurry looked around. “Well, aren’t we currently in vacuum anyway?”

“Touche,” Discord replied. “Though I still may just leave you here until you get wiser. Did wonders for Luna.”

“Did it?” Flurry asked. “I always felt that, as far as my aunts go, she seems the most, uhh… off.”

“That’s because you’ve never went on a pub crawl with Celestia.” A tankard of cider appeared in Discord’s claw. He drank it and threw the cider away. “Not to mention your mom, auntie Twilight, and a tatzlwurm.”

Flurry rolled her eyes. “Now you’re making it up. Also, what’s a tatzlwurm?”

“I’ll tell you when you grow up.” Discord put on a pair of thick glasses and a grey wig. “Kids your age are too fascinated with its appendages.”

“So it has tentacles?” Flurry smirked.

“If Cadance ever asks, I didn’t tell you that.” A halo appeared over Discord’s head, complete with a pair of angel wings growing from his back.

“So you won’t tell me where to find it?” Flurry asked. “Though given where we are, there might be no time for that.”

“For once you think with your brain,” Discord said. “But that’s not important right now. The thing is, due to your recent actions ponies are landing on the Moon left and right, which is pretty amusing, at least until everyone lands on the Moon.” He donned a hard hat and looked into a notebook. “Then it becomes a logistics problem.”

“Well, it’d end much faster if you just get us back to Earth rather than taking me where no pony has gone before,” Flurry replied.

“Did I say I want to end this?” Discord chuckled. “I would even make you my apprentice, but Fluttershy will be jealous.”

“No, thanks.” Flurry shook her head. “My mom wouldn’t like that.”

“Your dad, on the other hoof, would love it.” Discord smirked. “Though we do have to go back. We’re playing Ogres and Oubliettes on Friday.” He snapped his fingers and Flurry suddenly found herself in the throne room of the palace, standing in front of Princess Luna. Her friends were also there; after being teleported from the Moon, Pound got sick again and threw up on Luna’s hooves, much to her annoyance.

“Okay, now I understand why you didn’t want to fornicate with him,” Luna said, looking at Pound. “Also, where have you been?”

Discord appeared between them, wearing a cape and a domino mask. “Captain Discord to the rescue! I just found them wandering on the Moon.” He smiled at Luna. “They said something about pranking a Princess and practicing art. Also, we might have been to Uranus.”

“Where?” Luna looked back, waving her tail. “Also, are you telling me that–”

Suddenly, Flurry found herself teleported again. When she saw the familiar landscape of the Moon, she wasn’t even surprised.

“Again?” Rough Diamond groaned. “How many more times will she do this?”

“Don’t ask me,” Shining Armor said, looking around. “I got caught in the blast, it seems.”

“You’re not the only one, dad.” Flurry looked around. Pound, Starlight, and Precious Gem weren’t sent to the Moon this time, but aside from Shining Armor, Cadance, Applejack, and two random guards also managed to take part in this trip. “At this point, I think we should stage an intervention.”

“Not until she stops doing this,” Cadance said, looking at one of the lines of Flurry’s drawing. “Also, did you do this?”

Flurry blushed. “Yeah… Kind of.”

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Cadance replied. “When I was your age, I also had unrealistic expectations.”

“Mom!” Flurry exclaimed. “Can we stop discussing my nonexistent sex life? Luna already keeps doing that and look where it got us!”

“I really hoped Sunburst would–” Cadance paused. “Okay, I’d rather not think what you’d do to the Crystal Heart if I kept talking.”

“Crystal Heart isn’t as big as the Moon.” Shining smirked. “That’d be a rather small dick.”

“Can we stop talking about that?” Flurry groaned. “Also, can Discord beam us up from here?”

Suddenly, her stomach twisted, as yet again she was teleported back across space. She found herself in the throne room, with Twilight and Starlight standing alongside Luna, who was tied with chains, gagged, and with a magic inhibitor on her horn.

Flurry smirked. “I see you’re busy,” she said to Twilight. “Just pretend I’m not here.”

Luna said something in an angry tone, completely muffled by the gag.

“What did she say?” Flurry asked.

“Something like, ‘joke’s on you, little shit, they got it from your mom’s luggage’,” Starlight replied. “Which isn’t entirely accurate as we got the chains from Trixie.”

“Yay, more stuff I never wanted to know.” Flurry rolled her eyes. Something flashed and her parents appeared next to her.

Cadance looked at Luna and furrowed her eyebrows. “Where did you get this?”

Twilight and Starlight looked at each other with sheepish grins, but before they could say anything, Shining smirked. “Honey, can’t you see they’re busy? Don’t worry, girls, just pretend we’re not here.”

Luna rolled her eyes and muttered something.

“She said, ‘you’re all the same’,” Starlight translated. “She also wonders how come Twilight has the same genes.”

Flurry turned to Shining. “Has she ever met Granny Velvet?”

“She did,” Shining replied. “But Granny Velvet never tried to drop her down Neighagra Falls in a barrel. Not that they’d have such a big barrel.”

Luna groaned.

“She said bad things about your mother,” Starlight said.

Cadance cleared her throat. “Okay, while my mother-in-law is clearly a very interesting pony, someone has to be a responsible adult here. Flurry, remove this, uhh… drawing from the Moon, then we can untie auntie Luna and think of what to do next, okay?”

“Okay,” Flurry replied.

“Have you ever noticed that ‘auntie’ is an anagram of ‘untie’?” Shining Armor asked.

Cadance rolled her eyes. “It’s not. ‘Auntie’ has an ‘a’, but other than that, it’s spelled exactly like ‘untie’.”

Shining shrugged. “Funny how this ‘a’ completely changes the pronunciation.”

“We can discuss that later, now we need to untie Luna before she tries to curse us. Or even worse, she won’t invite us to the Hearth’s Warming dinner,” Cadance said and turned to Flurry. “And then we’ll think of an appropriate punishment…”

The bell rang and Flurry and Rough Diamond walked out of the classroom. Flurry smiled at a teenage dragon passing by, but Rough Diamond was too busy muttering something under her breath to notice him.

“What’s up?” Flurry asked, waving at two changelings walking down the corridor.

“I still don’t get why your mom sent us to the School of Friendship,” Rough Diamond replied. “It turns out you can’t punch your opponents during buckball games. It suddenly lost a lot of its appeal.”

“There’s a rugby class,” Flurry replied, smiling at a minotaur.

“Yeah, so the guys like this one use me as a ball.” Rough Diamond looked at the minotaur. “Also, why isn’t Precious Gem here? She’s an egghead, after all.”

Flurry shrugged. “She has a job back at the Empire. The new librarian would need ages just to learn which books at the library were cursed by King Sombra.”

“Hey, I have a job too!” Rough Diamond exclaimed.

“Yes,” Flurry replied. “Being my personal bodyguard.”

“You can draw a dick on the Moon with your magic alone,” Rough Diamond said. “You don’t need a bodyguard. You need therapy.”

“Cheer up,” Flurry said. “We’re having a party at the dorm tonight.” She waved at the group of bat ponies passing by.

“A party?” Rough Diamond asked, eyeing the bat ponies. “Who’s coming?”

Flurry smirked. “Everyone, hopefully.”

“Yeah, I met a nice griffon who also doesn’t understand buckball. I hope he co–” Rough Diamond furrowed her eyebrows. “Wait, did you mean coming as in arriving at the party or–”

“Well, it depends on you.” Flurry chuckled. “One thing is sure: this place has much more interesting guys. And no uncle Flash scaring everyone away.”

“Oh yeah…” Rough Diamond nodded. “Don’t you feel your mom planned this?”

“Possibly,” Flurry replied. “She’s the Princess of Love, after all.”

“Yeah, but this probably doesn’t involve fucking everyone around.” Rough Diamond looked at three griffons standing by the staircase and smiled at them.

“Who said anything about fucking everyone around?” Flurry asked. “As auntie Luna pointed out, I have standards. Guys who throw up on me are pretty much out.”

“Yeah, sure.” Rough Diamond smirked. “But still–”

“Oh, come on!” Flurry exclaimed. “Besides, it’s just a party. We’re not going to burn the school down or anything.”

“Well, if you say so...” Rough Diamond shrugged. “But yeah, it’s just a friendly party. In a School of Friendship. After all, that’s what it’s all about, right? Nothing weird can possibly happen.”

“Exactly,” Flurry replied.

She couldn’t have been more wrong.

Author's Note

The End (?)