There's Only So Many Words
B_25
Alcohol. Glass scratching against wood. Swirling liquid of golden brown foaming from the movement. It was often his tired eyes gazed into the reflection depicted upon its surface. An image distorted and never lasting for longer than a few seconds.
Spike sighed. He lifted the mug and brought it to his lips, letting it rest for a second more, exhaling from the drink. Slowly, the bitterly sweet taste of sourness seeped in miniature falls into his maw. The pricks of something hot encased within ice.
He pulled the glass away and tilted back his head. Swallow. Slowly, lazily, a smile spread across his lips as the feeling of floating washed over his form. He was a dead dragon sitting, but the drink brought him back to life—even if only for minutes at a time.
It soothed him. The staleness of his mind wiped as it became awash in buzzing pleasantries. It cooled his chest like a frigid breath set upon burning lungs. All of this was a temporary effect and one that wouldn't last for long.
But for him, it would last long enough.
“Drinking alone again, are ya?” That voice. It made him shiver even though it was warm. It wasn't unpleasant and yet set him on edge. Spike gazed to his right, but only by a few inches more, frills twitching at creaking of hooves against wood. “Got the whole counter to yourself too. How'd ya manage something like that?”
Spike was tired. All so very tired. He smiled anyway. “Tried not showering for a few days. Seems like my plan worked out after all.”
“And here I thought the cooks were taking the garbage out.”
“They might if I'm not careful.”
“Always got jokes, don't ya?”
“Shame I never made a career in stand-up.”
Spike returned to staring at his drink. He sighed and shook his head. Then took another sip again. The mouthful was sweet and painful on the tongue. His eyes closed and he swallowed anyway. Next to him, the pegs of the stool started to scrape against the floor.
“So how about you then?” Spike finally looked to his right proper, Rainbow Dash settling into focus. She hopped like a cat onto the stool, wings flared and flapping once, setting her rump down upon the wood. “Heard your recovery wasn't as detrimental as you thought. You back with the Wonderbolts yet?”
“Hey! Not so loud, yeah?” Rainbow glared at him for a few seconds until finally sighing. With a roll of her eyes she shook her head. “Not exactly common knowledge and there's always a few ponies who would like it to be.”
Spike groaned. Taking his elbow off from the counter, he rubbed his palm against his eyes. “Sorry. That's my bad. Forgot my newspaper comes from weeks in the future.” He exhaled. The breath warm against his scales. Little too warm for his brain to comprehend. “But I'm sorry. Things... have been a lot harder to keep track of lately.”
“Don't sweat it. You've always been a lightweight.” Rainbow Dash turned back to the counter, rapping her hoof against it twice. “Yo! Barkeep! How about two singles of ciders for the awesome lady in blue?”
Spike reeled his head left and tilted it. “Third person now? Sure you don't have a white mane beneath that wig?”
“'Least I'd still have hair, baldy.”
The dragon returned to his drink, now lifting it to his chin. “Hitting me where it hurts.”
“Don't you sweat now—I still love you anyway.”
Spike jerked upon that word. His arm locked in the movement and encased in a stiffness too strong to escape. His heartbeat, blood gushing out, a sewed wound becoming undone. Exhaling offered him little support—he leaned back and downed his beer.
The counter jerked from the underside of his claw smacking against it. His eyes were closed and the next breath yet to be taken... until it escaped him in a slow exhale. Then his eyes slowly opened. “Bold of you to assume I'd love you back.”
Seconds. Second. Shorter than that. Everything Rainbow Dash did was fast, and what was already fast she did faster. A twitch to her frame, a blink of the eyes. Something to subtle as not to be seen but vaguely felt. She smirked anyway. “Everybody loves me. And you do too.”
“I do, now?”
“Can't be everybody if it doesn't include you.”
“Guess that's true.” The doors on the wall behind the counter flew open, a stallion in a red vest stepping through. His gaze narrowed at once on the dragon—but softened upon seeing the mare. He didn't say anything. “Then tell me Dash. Why do I love you?”
“Too many reasons to put on a list.” Rainbow nodded to the stallion as he transferred the drinks from his back onto the counter in front of her. Then, with a bow, he turned and then left. She wrapped her foreleg around one of the mugs—sliding it with a grin over to Spike. “But the first one would be having bought you a drink.”
Spike gazed at it longingly. He didn't even bother to turn his head when he spoke. “Now why would you go and do a thing like that?”
“Because I'm awesome,” Rainbow Dash said, “and it's as simple as that.”
Spike stumbled to the front of the castle alone, under the shade of darkness and away from the glow of moonlight. He avoided running into anyone, hoping to be seen by none. And by the time he fumbled his way inside, all the above wishes had come true.
“Sure you don't want me to walk you home, Spike?”
“Appreciate the offer... but I don't want us being seen.”
“Really know how to hurt a mare, eh?”
“It's not like that. You know it.”
He rubbed his face as the voices of the past refused to be subsided. Around him, the interior of the castle laid dim. It still looked the same despite all the years away—but it no longer evoked the same feeling within him.
It doesn't matter if nothing changes if you do.
Spike groaned to himself. Breathing in and out. An attempt to clear the head. Buzzing and sloshing and fuzzing and flushing. Nothing made any sense. Why wasn't there anything he could do to screw his head on straight?
“Get yourself together you idiot.” He proceeded to stumble down the hall, a claw laid on the wall, unable to hold but able to press against. It supported him but guided him vaguely. “Twilight's going to think you're crazy if you keep this up.”
It wasn't long until he reached his room to a squeak of the knob. He didn't bother with the lights, the faint moonlight spilling inside. The contents of his room obscured by shadows. A mess to which he could find no order to. Stop this. Shut the hell up. Just... leave me be.
He was close to his bed when his foot snagged on the peg to his bedside table. It jerked from the movement. The frame laid upon it slid forward—over the edge to the ground below. His claw shot toward it at once, slamming into the side of the bed rather than straight below.
The shattering of glass lasted only for a second.
“Haaa... fuck...” Spike closed his eyes and wobbled on the spot, destroyed and so far gone, finding a reason to question his existence with every passing second. With a final sigh, he turned and sat down, allowing his back to slide down against the frame of his bed. “Haa... haaa... haa well.”
Allowing the back of his claws to flop onto the floor, he kept still for a moment, a strange sense of isolation in the room illuminated only by moonlight. With a fluttering of his eyes, he glanced over at the fallen frame, the shattered field of glass now glinting.
The underside of his claw slid across the coolness of the floor, through the sharp shards which only scratched at his scales. There wasn't any effort required to lift his hand. But it persisted through the light stabbing pain. Not a reason for it, and yet, it occurred anyway.
His digits touched against the glossy surface of the frame, smooth to the touch and pleasant to feel. Grabbing it, he lifted it to his face, turning it slowly back to gaze upon that which shattered his heart. But one photo responsible for the incomprehensible damage.
Rarity.
The photo was of her.
Smiling while she slept.
An image made sinister only upon the passing of time.
Spike hugged the frame against his chest, freeing the loose glass that had kept on, feeling the pieces pelt against the place where his heart then beat. He leaned his head back, allowing his eyes then to rest, a final sight caught between the closing slits.
Two ropes strung from the ceiling, short and round enough to fit around his claws, an exercise of pull-ups committed to every morning. In a few seconds even they were gone as the world had gone dark. Existence naught if only for a few hours.
That photo.
Spike stared at it while he drank. A slow shake to his head after every swallow. It made no sense for him to look at it. But it was all that he had. Something of what was before. The warmth in the air around a dying fire.
“Twice in a row, hey? You don't have to keep coming here for me.” That voice made the photo go fuzzy within his vision. Something from the real world pulling him out from the one that no longer existed. It's populace made of only one. “Though you must really be bummed about moving back if you're here to see me.”
Rainbow Dash was already sitting on the stool next to him when he looked over. Her little forelegs wrapped around the pitcher, coming to lift it to her lips, a strand of yellow draped over her eye. She pressed the glass to her lips and started to drink, tiny lumps pushing up while they went down her throat.
“Don't flatter yourself.” Spike smiled to himself, one he hadn't been expecting. “Not like I have anyone else around.”
“Can't catch a drink with none of the girls?”
“It must be the fangs that scare them away.”
“I meant our girls, loser.”
“Same difference.”
Rainbow's expression dropped. She still held her drink before the fluff of her chest—deciding to put it back down. “You... haven't heard from them?”
“Tried saying hi.” Spike rubbed a palm against the side of his face, using his other to cover the photo. “Applejack greeted me and that was about it. Fluttershy... answered the door at least. And Pinkie. Well, Pinkie's always busy, isn't she?”
“I guess she always is.” Rainbow Dash gazed into her drink, lost to the surface of the swirling foam. Her mouth opened for seconds at a time but nothing ever escaped. Her ears raised but not straight. “None of them heard you out then?”
Spike chuckled or cough; one or the either. “Never. Can't blame them for that. Even despite the years we all had together.”
“And Twilight?”
“She's letting me live with her again.”
“So she knows what you did was right?”
“She's never asked so I've never told.”
“Even with all these trips to the bar?”
“She's a busy mare, after all.”
“Ain't that the truth.”
The two sat in silence for moments thereafter. Not a word shared or a glance exchanged. They kept still, drinking. One tired and the other whatever. A tall dragon and a tiny mare. The only two at the bar upon the strike of midnight.
“I'm pretty awesome, aren't I?”
Spike narrowed his brow. He turned over and looked at the girl. “Dunno.”
“Hey! What do you mean you don't know?”
“You're pretty cool. But awesome?”
“You'd be lucky to have me and you'd know it.”
“And why's that the case?”
“Because my flanks are great and you can't deny it.”
Spike chuckled. He actually leaned back on the stool to make an estimation. The mare sat on the padded seat with her rump nestled tightly atop it. Soft curves with supple shape. Perfect proportions to the greatness of the squishiness.
“Not sure about that one, Dash.” Spike chuckled as he leaned forward in his seat again, slipping his digits through the handle of his drink. “Gotta say. Ever since with the broken back—you've been letting yourself go.”
“Nice try hotshot. But we both know you'd kiss my butt if I let you.” Rainbow Dash laughed to herself—a few chuckles one too many. “Even give it a wiggle for your efforts.”
“Dunno. Not going to lie... you're getting kinda fat.”
“It's called 'bulking,' and maybe you should try it.”
“Why's that?”
“There's a lot of mares that can approve of the tall and slender look,” Rainbow went on while resting her elbow on the counter, waving a hoof toward the dragon, “but we tend to go 'eek' when it looks like you haven't eaten for weeks.” She scoffed. “Tell me. Is beer your only diet?”
“Has enough calories to support me for the moment.”
“Life's a lot longer than a moment.”
“Not mine.”
“Says the dragon set to live a thousand years.”
“I'd ask you to wake me up after a hundred, but...”
“Just you watch.” Rainbow beat that hoof against her chest. “I'll do something totally amazing that'll give me a horn. And then I'll shove it so far up your rump for a wake-up call.”
Spike chuckled. He outright laughed. It was the first time something of mirth then brushed itself against his face. “You know. That's something that Rarity wanted while we were still going.”
Rainbow's face scrunched inward as her head as she reeled back. “W-What? No.”
“Oh yeah.” Spike chuckled. “It was when she kept me around in Canterlot. Went to one of those special shops. It was like adult toys but made for the sophisticated.” He covered his face while he continued to laugh—only this time it had been done for a different reason. “I was still so happy then. I didn't know how they could act so posh about an elaborate strap-on for a mare.”
“And Rarity—“
“Bought two.”
“Two!”
“Hey hey!” Spike laughed upon turning on his stool, both of his claws now held out. “Not so loud! If she caught wind that I had said any of this—“
“What? You'd still care what think after...”
And just like that. Mirth fluttered away. The two struck alone once more.
“Sorry.”
“Don't be.”
“Am anyways.”
Spike sighed.
“If... you saw her again.”
He glanced over at Rainbow. She was once more gazing into her drink. Fixated upon it. “If you ever saw Rarity again... a-after everything that had... has happened. I...” She sighed and then shook her head. “What do you think you would say?”
Spike took a moment to ponder the question. It was the first time in months he'd actually thought about anything—much less that. His mind sometimes wandered to places, but he never let himself wonder about them. Rather, this was the first conscious action done in a while.
“I... I'm not sure what I would say,” Spike said with a certain slowness to every word, as if he were discovering each one after having said them. “There's not many words a dead dragon can say. I guess... I guess I would wish her the best. ” He then shook his head. “And then be on my way.”
Rainbow Dash didn't move or say anything, but the mask of her expression faltered ever so slightly, the words clearly heard. Why was she fighting so hard for all of this? A mare like her doesn't come to the same bar twice and stay until after midnight.
“Guess I don't get it.” Spike blinked. The words flew out of him. Explosions of horribleness fleeing at the first chance of escape. Everything about him suddenly became so very tight as the words flowed out from him. “I'd nearly forgotten about it until yesterday. Don't know why it's still on my mind.”
Rainbow spoke with a crack in her voice. “What?”
“I don't get it. I really don't get.” Spike said with the burning of tears stinging at the corners of his eyes. His exhales were flushed and outside of his control. “How could a mare sleep so happily while the dragon she loves is burned at the stake?”
“You know it wasn't like that! A-At least, it's...”
Spike looked away.
“Look! You did the right thing.” The scrapping of a stool sounded louder and louder, and Spike was far too frozen to try and move away. “In your spot I would have done the same thing! I-If she was being attacked. That someone had threatened her with a knife... I would have... I would have...”
“You would have done what I did?”
Something about Rainbow creaked and cracked. “You were a good dragon! The love of your life is being attacked and so you went to save her! All you did was take it a little too far—but you didn't do it like they said in the papers!”
Spiked clenched his eyes and held his breath. “You saw the photos.”
“And I know you had your reasons.”
“The result was the same.”
“But you changed!” Something warm brushed against him. “You weren't like this! You'd finally gotten with Rarity. You'd were so happy and hopeful! Think about how positive you were together. All the good stuff you did!”
“Much good that did me.” Spike opened his eyes once more, and this time, wiped them. That'd been enough for tears. “All the things she said were lies. That'd we be together no matter what. Then I got put on the stake, and...”
“And Rarity cared more about her career.”
Spike hushed his next breath out. “As she should have.”
“But not all mares are like that.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Because I'm not.”
“You're able to prove that?”
“I'm able to prove anything.”
Spike finally turned in his stool to face the mare. She sat limply on her stool, glaring up at him, certain anger set about her. But what could have made her so angry? All they'd done was talk about him.
“You said you're a dead dragon? Well, that's not the case.” Rainbow lifted her hoof and laid it upon his chest, the faint beating of his heart comforting her soles. “Not when this is still going on. What's the matter with you anyway? Going through all of this alone.”
“I'm the one who got screwed over by everyone!” Spike barked but did not remove the hoof from his chest. “The mare that I loved gave me up simply because she didn't want to risk her status! My friends are gone despite our years together. I'm the one that got hurt.”
“No wonder why you're so sad all the time... it's because you're an idiot!” Rainbow outright growled as her body burned with fire. “When something bad happens to you... you're not the only one that gets hurt!”
Spike felt ready to strike. To throw out his claws and rip down a wall. Life boiled through him. A husk suddenly given a soul. Somehow things had started to matter. The pulling of the blade wedged in his previously stopped heart.
“That so? And why do you care?”
“Because I love you!”
Spike stopped. His heart beat twice. Everything in his mind had suddenly been wiped. The first words were not the stuttering of his confusion, but a question that had always pulsated from deep within him. “Why?'
“You dolt! Is that how you think love works? That I suddenly have a laundry list of why I love you?” Rainbow shook her head while still keeping her hoof out straight. “Because it's not the glow of your eyes or how you're so kind. Ponies fall in love. That's it!”
“I don't believe you!”
“Want some reasons? Fine!” Rainbow gazed up and into his eyes, refusing to be scared away from their glare. “I've always liked you even from the start! Do you know how much I hate to say that? How I found you so cute and so... and so... wonderful!”
“But why!”
“Because you loved Rarity!”
Spike lost a breath, the steam of his anger.
“I didn't even care about it at first because I thought it was a stupid crush that a boy had.” Rainbow's ears flatten against the sides of her head. “But then you kept having that crush! Unlike most stallions she dated, you experienced her worst moments! The breakouts and the breakdowns. No matter what she did—you only loved her more for it.”
Spike lost it. His anger in a single second. All that had risen to the surface now buried beneath a sea. He felt hurt but not for his own sake. Memories of lesser years now emerging.
“Even Scoots treated me differently once she got to know me proper.” Rainbow finally dropped her muzzle, her hoof weakly sliding down his chest. “But you hadn't changed in the slightest for her. A-and then... with the accident... you came to see me...”
“You're not peeing under there, are you?”
“No,” Rainbow weakly said as her figure shifted beneath the blankets. She started to sit upon the hospital bed—waking herself up by rubbing an eye. “But I have a bowl of the stuff somewhere if you want some.”
“Think I'll pass. Already had some apple juice from Applejack that tasted funny.” Spike approached the side of the bed, placing a covered, wooden mug upon the table next to it. “Managed to snag some cider for you. Try to drink some water in-between so the doctors don't give me trouble.”
“Weren't you just telling me Applejack's drinks tasted funny?”
“Don't worry. This came from Big Mac.”
“That's even worse!”
Spike laughed as he turned to the side, pulling out the chair from the wall. “Sometimes I don't know who's more twisted. Me or you.”
“Wanna strike a fifty-fifty deal?”
Rainbow held out a hoof.
And then Spike's claw met it.
“Sure! I'm sure any psychiatrist will cross out a few symptoms because of this.”
They chuckled and then shook.
Rainbow went to lean back in her bed—only to be stopped by a voice.
“Quick. Don't move for a second.”
She groaned but did not move. “Why?”
“You look really beautiful with how the sun is falling on your face... the lazy strands of mane over your face is pretty to look at it.”
“Oh, shut up.” Rainbow fell back into her bed.
“No seriously! It's true! Not often I get to see ya like that—or anyone else for that matter.”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “What's Rarity going to think when she hears you talking like that?”
“She already knows my heart belongs to her.” Spike leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. “Besides, she prefers me being honest. Except when we're getting ready for a new line reveal. Some mares don't like it when you check out their flanks too much.”
“Butt kisser.”
“At least it tastes like marshmallow.”
“And the smell?”
“Scented lavender.”
“Think she sprays some back there?”
“Don't be ridiculous! I do that.”
“Pervert.”
“Guilty as charged.” Spike then proceeded to hold out his arms, pumping them, the lax bulk of his muscles coming to rise, their juicy shape now solid as they tensed. “But the gym has been treating me right, hey? Not just a one-way street anymore.”
Rainbow laid her head against the pillow, but rolling it left, all so she could keep her gaze on him. “Going up in the world?”
“Easier to do when you have a mare that believes in you.” Spike chuckled as he lowered his arms. “But everything feels like it's coming together now. Never thought things would work out so well but. I... I don't know. Life really is great, ya know?”
“Keep over there by a few feet.” Rainbow paddled her hooves in the air. “The lovesickness is hard to watch.”
“I can slather some over your cheek if you like.”
“Do that and the doctors will put me in quarantine for sure.”
Spike smiled as he sat back. His scales were clean and nearly glossy. Bright on the eyes and causing one to feel alive. “So how about the back? Need half of my spine yet.”
Rainbow's hooves dropped to her chest at that. “Doctor's are still not sure yet.”
Spike exhaled. His head turned back to gaze out the window for a second, the flooding of sunlight washing over his body. Keeping like that for a second, another smile spread his lips. “You'll be fine.”
“Not you, Spike.”
“Huh?”
“Don't tell me it's going to be alright.” Rainbow started shaking her head. “I can handle the girls saying it. But not you. There's no way of knowing how all of this plays out. Don't feed me anything fake.”
“What are you talking about? Of course I don't have any clue about your back.” Spike then turned back to the mare, that wonderful smile still about his. He didn't need the sun to glow with warmth. “Don't forget! You're not simply Rainbow Dash... But! THE! RAINBOW DASH!”
He cupped his hands and made hushed shouts of cheering.
“H-Hey!' Rainbow giggled upon playfully batting him with a hoof. “Knock that crud off.”
“You can't stop the truth on this one.” Spike leaned in close over the bed, allowing his claw drop onto the top of her head. It was strange to think the little twerp could grow into so much, both in character and body. “You don't need a perfect back to stand proud, Rainbow. All you gotta do is be yourself. I know what you're about—and you don't need to be a Wonderbolt to be great.”
“Most of my fans would 'boo' at that.”
Spike rolled his eyes, turned his head, and flicked his other claw. “Bleh! Most of your fans are idiots anyway.”
“Hey! Say that about yourself.”
“Then I guess I will.” Spike chuckled as he leaned in close. “Since I was your number-one fan even before you even met them!”
Rainbow rolled her eyes, but even still, her body warmed beneath the blankets. Her fuzz now fluffy, mane all over the place as a strong claw ruffled it. Cheeks once blue now red threatening to become pink.
“What are ya? Number-one for everything?”
“Tell me about it! But it certainly makes life worth-while, don't it?”
Spike watched the past, then witnessed it disappear, the act complete with a single blink.
“There was so much life in you then, Spike.” Rainbow's hoof slid down to his belly where it then kept, her muzzle all the way down, mane loosely covering her face. “But now you're hollow. So, so hollow. And the worst part is that you think it hurts you alone.”
Spike wasn't sure what to say, what to do, wanting to take a drink—but also not wanting that hoof to slip away. Rather, within a span of a second he grabbed it. Warmth flushing his palm. Lifting that flooding of life to the place that required it the most.
“Too much happened, Rainbow.” Spike shook his head while his body kept raising the weight of another. “Rarity did this before. Said nothing would separate us no matter what. She gave me the will to be something. You... you're going to be a Wonderbolt again.”
“And so what?”
“And you won't be one if you're dragging me along.”
“You'd think I'd let something like that cut us off?”
“I'm sorry, but—I can't believe the same lie twice.”
Spike went to pull his claw away—only to feel something grab at his other. A weak foreleg wrapping around his wrist, pulling it forward, allowing it to settle on the live bed of blue. Soft fur caressing his smooth scales. The beat of something wild and real happening beneath it.
“I know Rarity might have told you a bunch of words... but words can lie, c-can't they?” Rainbow lifted her muzzle toward him a final time, a wobbly smile fighting to keep itself straight. “What we say and what we do never quite end up being the same thing, do they? If that's the case, then I'll let you choose to believe if this is a lie.”
And then she came upon him. Spike had already lowered himself for them to be closer, and now, she pushed upward, covering the gap between, connecting them both with the touching of lips. Soft and slow. Fragile and hesitant. Pushing forth all the same.
Spike had been hurt enough by thinking, by wondering, going with the commands of his head. Keeping himself as nothing only made him feel as such. Life without hope, without dreams... it simply left him as a stale being.
It hurt to be kissed so passionately again.
Yet passion also healed the wounds it caused.
Spike returned the kiss, falling in love all over again.
Author's Note
Strange story is written strangely for I couldn't sleep.
