When crazy meets crazy...er
Deadpool was having the time of his life. He was having a slice of pizza while owning Thanos at Call of Duty, even though he preferred Battlefield. That or the real thing. Which he was also doing. Did I forget to mention that he had traveled back in time and was killing Hitler too? Those Nazis were no match for the mighty Merc with a Mouth! You know, it's always fun to just sit back and watch while robots blow shit up. He was doing that too. His pet robot dinosaur was busy tearing through Germans too, all while Deadpool was getting a lap dance from Lara Croft. And speaking of dragons-
Wade!
Oh shit.
Wilson, why the hell are you on my computer? Are you writing a story?... What the hell is this?!
Well, it happens to be the most badass thing that has ever graced this computer screen, or at least it was going to be until you fucked it all up.
Yeah, way to go asshole!
Was I talking to you? No, I was talking to him. So shut up.
Hey buddy, fuck you!
Look, I'm not doing the back-and-forth with you today, Wade. I have a life to get back to, so shut up for about five seconds and get back in there before I make you get back in there.
Pfft, what are you going to do, rub Dorito dust all over me?
I then proceeded to shoot Deadpool in the shoulder.
OWW!! WHAT THE FUCK?! I'm kidding, that barely hurt. You got nothin'!!
Then Deadpool realized this was real life, and he can't regenerate here.
OH FUCK YOU!!! Shit, my arm! I'm allergic to bullets!! Ahoooooh Gawd.... Nope, I'm still fine.
Me too! If you're gonna break the fourth wall, do it right you stupid prick!
Fuck this. And then Deapool was sucked into Equestria for his monthly meetup with Pinkie Pie.
You know what, fuck you. I'm gonna go hang out with Pinkie Pie. She understands me.... she knows me....SHE UNDERSTANDS MY PAIN!!! Under this mask, there's more than just a man..... I am sad, and the only thing that will fix that is a dinosaur. Also boobies. but noone seems to understand that I am a simple man, who only wants a simple life, with funbags. Also, ta-tas.
I knew I would regret writing this. Get back in the damn computer.
Get back in the damn kitchen.
What are you even saying. That joke doesn't work here. I'm a guy.
...You're just bullshitting me, aren't you? Ha, that's funny. But seriously, chop chop. Sammich time.
Hey, got any 'Tab' lying around? JK, I hate that crap. But yeah seriously, kitchen.
And so Deadpool was jammed back into the computer.
Deadpool fell through the endless void of space, falling for what seemed like an eternity, before banging his head on multiple jagged rocks, getting impaled with needles, and falling into Equestria's Lemon Juice Reservoir.
HAHAHAHA, that's a good one buddy!! Really had me there! Fuck you.
And along came Pinkie Pie, who just so happened to be walking by the reservoir that day. She was actually on her way to Equestria's natural chocolate waterfalls, created by the remnants of Discord's power in the world. They were left alone, as they posed no true threat and everypony enjoyed them, especially Pinkie Pie.
"Hehehehe, we don't have any chocolate waterfalls silly! If we did, I'd be here everyday!"
Hello Pinkie.
"Hi weird-guy-on-the-other-side-of-the-screen! Hi Wade!!"
I like turtles.
What in the fuck is even wrong with you.
Just a quick environmental observation. Hey Pinkie, wanna play some MvC3?
"I still don't know what that is silly! You told me about it last time, but you didn't explain anything about what it even was!"
It's a badass game that I star in. I'm the best character, and I own anyone who says otherwise. I've even got my voice clips right here, courtesy of my main man Nolan!
Wait, you carry your voice clips from all your games with you?
Of course.
WHY??
Why the fuck not. Here, feast your various bodyparts on this.
You just have no regard for immersion, do you?
Of course I do! My audience expects me to constantly talk to them as if it's my everyday life. Without it I'd just be some terrible knockoff Deathstroke with Wolverine powers.
Aren't you the least bit afraid that DC is gonna come after you for that one? I don't think you thought that through.
And I think these things through.........when, exactly?
........Good point.
Now, can we hurry up and give the people what they came here for? I'm pretty sure you just lost most of them to Youtube or T.V. Tropes thanks to this nonsensical storyline.
Another good point. Let's get on with it then.
"HOORAY!! Story time! Let's go party the day away, Wadey!!
You got it, bestest most random friend.
Oh God, here we go. And so--
Once again, the day is saved, thanks to..... THE DEADPOOL GUY!
....
And so Pinkie Pie and Deadpool proceeded to party the day away, to an awesome musical score.
They frolicked everywhere, spreading pranks and general orgasms of joy amongst the populace of Ponyville.
They threw buckets of tomato juice at Rarity's drying laundry.
"Umm, I don't think this is really a prank, Wade. We're just doing this for no reason."
I'm fucking Deadpool. Do I look like I need a reason?
They floated around in the sky for no raisin, surprising even the most straightfaced of pegasi.
Because fuck you, gravity.
"Yeah, what he said! Heeheehee!!"
And they even managed to get Batman to visit so they could... wait up a moment. Batman, what the hell are you doing here? This isn't even your story. How did you--
"It's Simple."
Right. Well then, this story was obviously the worst fucking idea I've had in a long time considering that we have somehow ended up with almost no storyline and the Dark Knight.
"I'm Batman."
We know Batman.
"I'm Batman."
"I'm Batman."
"I'm Batman."
"Guess what?"
WHAT.
"I'M THE GODDAMN BATMAN!!"
And so Batman left Equestria, leaving Pinkie and Deadpool to their own devices.
LET'S GO SHOW FLUTTERSHY "Watership Down"!!
"Yeah, I'm sure she'll love this!! It has cute little bunnies and--"
AND SO THE COPY OF "Watership Down" FELL INTO A LAKE.
I can swim.
Of acid.
Haven't done that stuff in a while!
And endless Justin Bieber playing over the soundtracks of every Adam Sandler movie ever. EVER.
Oh, he's hilarious!! Oh, and I think JB is very underrated.
...
Nah, I'm kidding, you lost me at Justin Bieber.
If you really wanted to scare us then you should have said the 'Twilight' Movies too!
And so, Wade Wilson was pulled from Equestria, falling down a flight of stairs the entire way.
I TOLD YOU ABOUT STAIRS BRO!!
And falling.
I TOLD YOU DAWG!!
And falling.
IT KEEPS HAPPENING!!!
Arbitrary Homestuck reference, the end.
I think that this is a hell of a story, don't you?
It's terrible.
Oh come on, it's not that bad!
It really is.
Hey, we're only missing one thing now! Get in here buddy!!
What the fu...
LOL HAY RIPOFF ME
no. No. NO WAY IN HELL.
Hey 60's Spidey! How you doin'?
IM SORRY DID YOU SAY SOMETHING? I WAS BUSY NOT GIVING A FUCK ABOUT THIS GUY OVER HERE
I fucking hate you so much.
Come on Pinkie! We never finished partying!!
"Okie Dokie--"
TOM HIDDLESTON!!
"Uh, OKAY!! WHEEEE!! Those portals are fun!!"
I KNOW RIGHT BRB I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT OVER BY THAT T.V.
Come on now, sing with us! ~Do you believe in magic...~
"~In a young filly's heart!~"
~HOW--HNNNNNGGGGG--THE MUSIC CAN FREE HER WHENEVER IT STARTS~ OH FUCK THAT DOES NOT LOOK HEALTHY I NEED TO SEE A VET OR SOME SHIT
~And its Maaagic~
THE END, DAMMIT.
"Hey."
FUUUUUUUCK.