Dick's adventure in Equestria
Dick was just walking back to his car with a supermarket trolley after doing some shopping. The man was just in the middle of stocking up on food and water because the stores won’t be opened for some time after the hurricane hits the city. That whole ordeal was only mildly inconvenient for him. He was even a little pleased that he got a few additional days off. Working in sales could drive even the most collected people mad.
When Dick finally reached his car and was trying to open the boot, his leg suddenly sank through the pavement. He didn’t even have time to realise what was happening until the hole swallowed him completely. He quickly sobered up when some invisible force started stretching and squashing his body dragging him at high speed along a dark tunnel with ever-shifting walls.
About a minute later Dick was spit out of a tear in space and landed on a big tiered cake causing a huge mess. That whole ordeal got him really nauseous and he barely stopped himself from puking. Then he started to assess his predicament: the top half of his body was covered in remains of a cake, he wasn’t at the parking lot anymore and more importantly he did not know where he ended up. After he finally realised what that means, his panic began to set in. His breaths become shallower and his heart started hammering like a woodpecker.
He nervously looked around. He seemed to be in a bakery of some kind as the presence of cakes and other confectionery products would suggest. Suddenly he heard some enthusiastic whispers behind him that immediately caught his attention. When he turned around, his eyes met something that his mind could not accept. A big group of colourful female-looking unicorns, pegasi and normalish horses looked at him lustily starting to approach him. His mind went went into overdrive, going through hundreds of possible scenarios from ending up as a meal for alien cannibals to suffering from a prank. He hurriedly rejected them one by one. However, one idea inspired by hours spent on enjoying sci-fi stories snaked itself into his consciousness causing him to seriously consider this specific possibility. Death by snu-snu, he thought. Luckily, Dick’s self-preservation instinct overcame his male curiosity. He swiftly backpedalled from the crowd and bolted through the open door.
The world welcomed him with rural scenery and medieval-like buildings. He managed to spot a breathtaking white castle on a nearby mountain, but he saved the questions about it for later. When he turned around to check if he was followed, he was bewildered seeing that the bakery looked like something from a fairy tale. He didn’t have time to wonder about it any longer because he noticed that the lustful mares were still pursuing him. What unnerved him even more was a distinct lack of any stallionsin the town.
During the pursuit he had to be extra alert to dodge incoming pegasi. Fortunately it wasn’t too difficult becausefor some reason they couldn’t think straight. After a few minutes of running, Dick rounded a corner and noticed with horror that it is a dead end. I had a good life, he though. Before he could do anything else a booming commanding voice froze everyone in place.
“Stop it right now! Don’t you see how scared he is!? I know that it ‘s the heat season, but that doesn’t mean that you can behave like wild animals!”
The gathered ponies hanged their heads in shame. After the crowd split in half, Dick spotted a purple unicorn with a pair of wings on her sides. She approached him and introduced herself.
“Hello, I’m Princess Twilight Sparkle. What’s your name?”
“My name’s D-Dick. Pleased to meet you?”
“Pleased to meet you too! I’m sorry for bad first impressions. I haven’t seen anyone of your kind before. Are you here on a diplomatic visit?”
“No, I was just taking a supermarket trolley to my car when I fell down a strange hole and ended up here.”
“Don’t worry. I will be happy to help you find your way back home. Let’s go to my castle.
Dick nervously followed Twilight. He didn’t know if he could trust her, but he had no other choice. The walk continued in silence until they reached an eye-catching crystal castle. I’m definitely not in Kansas anymore, he thought. Twilight opened the door and invited him in. He hesitantly went inside marvelling at the spacious but cosy interior.
“Can you tell me about your family?” Twilight asked.
“I have two adult sisters that moved out to a different city. My parents also live somewhere else so we don’t meet very often. What about you?”
“I don’t see my brother Shining Armor and my parents too frequently as well since I moved to Ponyville. Besides they all have lives of their own. Especially my brother who is responsible for a whole whole empire.Do you... Do you havea special someone?”
“I was in a long-distance relationship that didn’t work out in the end. And from that time on, I was too busy with work to start dating again. Why do you ask?”
“No reason. I didn’t spend enough time socialising to meet somepony. Being a good student was more important for me then.” The unicorn looked away in shame, but then something changed in her demeanour. “That doesn’t mean that I can’t give it a try now, does it?”
Twilight smiled like a shark. ”You are still covered in cake. I can’t have you walking like that...” she licked her lips flirtatiously.
The man moved away, his mouth agape at the implications. He had mixed feeling about this whole situation. He found the unicorn cute and they seem to get along well, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready for a relationship with a different species. Then he remembered a famous quote from one of his favourite franchises: “To boldly go where no man has gone before!”. That helped him made up his mind.Still, a small voice in his subconsciousness told him to close his eyes and think of England.
THE END
