All You Need is Me

by Captain Obvious

Rating: mature
Tags: Thriller, Rarity, Horror, Violence, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Profanity, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Human
Length: 3584

She'll take care of him. She'll take care of everything. It's for his own good.

When one man ends up in Equestria, he gets a lot of attention from the locals. But what happens when he gets too much attention?

Published 2019-11-25 18:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-02-19 17:29:20 UTC

Chapter 2

Six months. It's been six months, and James still felt like the biggest loser ever. It wasn't from lack of trying, but he was still unemployed. After he had arrived on the planet, it became immediately apparent that his skills as a truck driver were completely useless here. So here he was, trying the last place he could think of: Hard Hat's Construction and Demolition Services. James didn't know jack shit about construction, but he really didn't have anything to lose at the moment. Except wasted time, since when he asked Hard Hat for a job, he was told that they didn't have any positions available for him.

That was pretty much all he did that morning, other than wander around town until he got hungry. Upon his arrival to his house, however, he was greeted by a note attached to his front door. His face was drained of all color when he saw three large words near the top of the letter: Notice Of Eviction.

James sighed to himself. "Fucking Christ, now what? Five days to leave, blah blah blah, property has been sold...the fuck? Signed Mayor Mare, Princess Twilight Sparkle, yada yada... TWILIGHT! FUCKING TWILIGHT?!?" He yelled that last part out loud, before he glanced around to make sure nopony heard him. The streets, however, were empty.

"Of course nobody's here," James grumbled, bitterly. "They all have fucking jobs."

Lunch was a simple roast beef sandwich. He wasn't really in the mood for anything more complex than that. Besides, he apparently had to clean his fridge out anyway. He finished his sandwich relatively quickly, as he had to go and see Twilight. James threw on his Blues jersey and headed out the door. He didn't bother to lock it, since he really didn't have anything worth stealing.

James decided to cut through the park, as it was the quickest route to Twilight's castle. There were a few ponies milling about. Probably on their lunch break, James thought. There was also the Green One. The unicorn with the little harp. He'd seen her around here several times, eyes closed, always playing her instrument on one of the benches. She had a few ponies eating their lunch around her. Some, after finishing their meal, would pass by her and drop a few bits into her case she carried her little harp in. She would always open her eyes when she heard the coins drop, give them a smile and a nod, never stopping her song she was playing. When James passed by her, she smiled up at him. She always smiled at him for some reason. He's give a little wave, and she'd smile a bit wider. It was just 'kind of their little thing.' Yet they've never spoken to each other.

He didn't drop any bits in her case. James just walked on by. He didn't really care about her music, or any music really. He preferred silence. Not too quiet, though. Maybe just a little background noise. But that's not why he didn't give any bits. He's worked for tips before, and it sucks. It's why he likes to give decent tips to whoever. No, the reason why he didn't give her anything was because he had no bits to give. James was flat broke. He literally had zero bits to his name. All he owned was a few outfits that Rarity made for him, and a smashed car. The car was at Twilight's castle. His kitchen stuff was Twilight's, and the hay bales were Applejack's. All his meals were provided by Twilight. That's it.

James left the park and ended up in the marketplace, where several stalls were set up. He remembered that Applejack did something with apples, so maybe she would have a stall around somewhere. If so, he could tell her to come by soon and pick up the hay, since he won't be needing it anymore. When he got to the apple stall, however, all he saw was some old wrinkled green pony that he didn't recognize. All he knew was that it wasn't Applejack, so he just continued on his way out the other side of the marketplace, almost right onto the path leading up to the castle stairs.

He arrived at the front doors just as Spike was leaving.

"She's in the map room," Spike said as they passed by each other.

"What?" James asked, confused.

"Twilight. She said you'd probably come by today. She's in the map room. Just go straight, you can't miss it."

"Ok, thanks, buddy." James replied.

"Not a problem. I'm going out for a while, see ya!"

After Spike left, James went straight through the entryway and down the hall, as instructed. He entered through the door at the end, which led to the room which held the Cutie Map. Inside, he found himself facing a nervous-looking Twilight Sparkle.

"Hey, Twili-"

"Please don't be mad!" Twilight cut him off.

"Oh, uh..."

"I know it's short notice, but if somepony else buys the house, there's really nothing I can do about it!" Twilight tried to explain.

"I, what?" James was confused. This is what he was here to talk about, but he was caught off guard when she started speaking instead of him.

Twilight brought a hoof to her forehead as she looked towards the ground. "Sorry, but I had this conversation in my head about a dozen times before you got here."

"...Oh, and how did it end?" James asked, with a hint of sarcasm.

Twilight gulped. "It ended with you being extremely forgiving and understanding?" It seemed more like a question than a statement.

Now James was really confused. "Why the hell would I be okay with being homeless?"

Twilight lit up at this question. "You're not homeless! You'll just have to move!"

"You already lined up another house for me?"

Twilight shook her head. "Nope!" She wore a cringing expression on her face that can only be described as 'I love this idea, but you will hate it.'

"What? Okay, I'm lost here..."

Twilight started to explain. "If I move you to another abandoned house, you'll just have to move again when it gets sold, right? So, you need something a bit more permanent."

"...Right, so, where exactly am I going to live?"

Twilight waved her foreleg around the room. "Right here!"

"No."

"I've got all this space in this big empty castle..."

James started shaking his head. "No way."

You won't have to worry about anypony buying the castle..."

"Hell no."

Twilight started to leave the map room, with James following, into a room that resembled a living room, if castles had living rooms. "Hear me out," she said as they sat down on a sofa. "You're already here a lot. I mean, my kitchen is basically your grocery store. It could just be OUR kitchen. I already import all your meat and store it here, so there's one less trip you'll have to take. If you're worried about privacy, the castle is huge! I have furniture here, even a couple of beds your size! And if you need anything, I want you let me know. Absolutely anything at all!"

"What do you mean, a bed my size?"

Twilight just looked at him. "Have you noticed that you're a few feet taller than most of us?"

"Oh," James replied, realizing he just asked a stupid question. "Okay, that's some valid points, but I wouldn't be able to pay you." He looked downcast.

Twilight grinned at this, "That's the best part! I own the castle! So, rent free!" When James didn't look up, a realization struck her. "Wait, why wouldn't you be able to pay?"

James said nothing. That's all Twilight needed to confirm her suspicion.

"Are you still... Do you not have a job?"

"Working on it, Hard Hat wasn't hiring," he half-mumbled.

Twilight thought for a moment. "I suppose, if you want, you can work for me."

James scoffed at her. "Really, doing what exactly?"

"Well, not working for me, personally. More like working for the crown, and therefore by extension, me. But you know that school I just opened up?"

James stared at her. "I'm not interested in being a janitor at your school. I'd prefer something local, and in walking distance."

Twilight laughed at that. "No, I need a new librarian for the Ponyville Library. I was going to put out a notice, but if you want, the job is yours. The library is in the castle, just left inside the entrance hall. So if you move in, that's pretty much everything you need under one roof! What do you say?"

James thought for about four seconds before he agreed to the arrangement. There was absolutely no downside that he could see. Before he could leave the room to go see his library, however...

"So James, where did you get that?"

James stopped, "Get what?"

"That shirt. Didn't that get destroyed in the accident that brought you here?"

James looked down at his jersey. "Oh, Rarity made it for me. Pretty sweet, right?"

Twilight raised an eyebrow at that statement. "Yes, I guess she is... May I see that for a moment?"

James took off and handed her the jersey, but was puzzled for a second. "She? Oh, yeah, I guess she's sweet too, But I was saying it was a sweet jersey."

Something that almost looked like relief flashed across Twilight's face before she spoke again. "Yes, the jersey shirt! That's what's sweet! Of course! But like I said. If you need anything..." Twilight's horn flashed and an identical jersey appeared on the table in front of them. She compared the two before handing them both back to him. "Anything at all, just let me know!"

James couldn't believe his luck. Two Blues jerseys! Too bad there's just the one obvious problem with it.

"I appreciate this, Twilight. Really, I do, but I can't have two jerseys with the same guy in the same year and the same team."

"What? Why not" Twilight didn't understand. Didn't he like her gift? Did he like Rarity's more?

James tried to use an Equestrian example. "If you had two Wonderbolt outfits, would you get two Rainbow Dash ones, or a Rainbow and a Soarin?"

"Well, I'd get one of each. Two Rainbow Dash ones would just be silly." Twilight's eyes widened in realization. "Oh, I get it now!" She grabbed one of the jerseys in her magic. "I'll just toss this one out then!"

"Wait!" James exclaimed, while putting his jersey back on. "I got a better idea, raise your forelegs."

Twilight complied, and James lowered the jersey over her forelegs and head. When he finished she looked down at the jersey she was now wearing. She popped out a couple of wing holes and shrunk it down to fit her much smaller frame before looking to James for approval.

"Very nice!" James said, nodding. Now I'm gonna to check out my new library, so I'll see you in a bit. By the way, you look good in Blues."

Twilight giggled at that as he left. She felt an itch inside her collar. She reached back with her magic and pulled out the offending item. It was Rarity's label, which was sewn just inside the collar. She tossed it in the garbage bin before leaving back to the map room.

Chapter 1

It's true that life can be quite difficult in a technologically challenged society, especially if you have become to depend on it. Sure, it may not have necessary for survival, but it certainly made living a lot easier. After all, Celestia only knows what Rarity would do without such modern conveniences like her trusty sewing machine. Without it, her work would be painstakingly slow. She would certainly not be the successful mare that she is today without it. James, however, calls himself a "Man of the 21st century." Rarity understood that to mean he was a stallion, er, man, who came from a world so advanced and dependent on machines that her wonderful sewing machine was little more than an obsolete child's toy.

Walking down past the row of houses towards her destination, Rarity was thinking how it was any wonder that he had managed to acclimate himself to Ponyville. Remembering back from when Rarity was first meeting him with her friends, James was an "average human" on his world. He was physically weaker than an earth pony, or even a unicorn. He had no magic. Not just unicorn magic, mind you, but any kind of magic at all. He had no wings, to it was pretty obvious that he couldn't fly. Unless he was in something called a "plane." That turned into a three hour Q & A session with Twilight. He had later confided in her that he was sick of the questions after five minutes, however he didn't want to come off as rude. Rarity let out a little giggle at that particular memory. However, as always, her little trip down Memory Lane had to end as she had reached her destination.

The last house on Mockingbird Ln. had been abandoned for several years before it's current occupant had arrived almost six months ago. Nopony really knew how he got here, not even James himself. From the way he tells it, he had been driving down a road when it began to snow. It was just a light flurry, but the snow stuck to the ground. It didn't take long for that light flurry to become a blizzard. The roads got so slick, and the visibility got so bad, that he hadn't even noticed he was driving off the road until just before he slammed into a tree. When he regained consciousness, he saw that he was being carted off in a wagon pulled by some "little blue horse." James apologized to Trixie shortly after he found out what that word meant here. Of course, this was after he had to explain to Twilight what "driving" and "cars" were.

Taking a quick moment to check her mane and adjust her saddlebags - a lady must always look presentable, after all - she strode up the steps and gave three light taps to the door. After a few seconds, she heard a click as the door unlocked. As it opened, she put on her most charming smile and aimed it at the tall frame that had appeared in the doorway.

"Hello, Mr. Wilkes! How are you this lovely morning?" Rarity greeted James.

James looked down at the mare on his front porch, surprised to see her, or anyone - anypony - this early in the morning. "Please, Miss Rarity, Jim. Or James. Mr. Wilkes is my dad."

Rarity giggled. "Only if you promise to stop calling me Miss Rarity."

James smiled , sheepishly. "Works for me, Rarity..."

"See there, James? That wasn't to difficult now, was it?" She asked, playfully.

James rubbed the back of his head and chuckled. "I usually say Miss or Mister until I'm told to do otherwise."

Rarity brought the back of her hoof up toward her mouth and turned her head slightly to the side. "Oh my my, a stall- ahem- man, terribly sorry, with manners. Well, almost anyway."

James replied, "Almost?"

"Well, you do have a lady just standing outside your door..."

James' eyes widened in realization. "Oh! Uh, please, come in!" He opened the door wider and gestured with his arm, inviting her in. "Come in," he repeated.

"Oh, thank you, I suppose you really do have manners. Don't worry, not everypony can be expected to remember them all the time." Her eyes suddenly snapped open. "Everyone! I meant everyone."

James just laughed. "Don't worry about it. Just talk how you normally do."

"That simply will not do!" Rarity gasped. "You made it quite clear that you are a man, not a stallion. Proper etiquette demands that I address you as such."

James held up his hands in mock surrender. "Okay, you win!"

Rarity gave him a poke to the ribs. "The lady is right? See, you're learning, James!"

James gave her a quick smile. "Anyway, I was just about to make breakfast. Want something?"

"Oh." Rarity looked uneasy. "It doesn't have any, you know..."

"No, There's no meat in it."

"In that case, I'd love something!" a relieved Rarity said. "What are we having for our little date?"

"If I ever take you on one, you'll find out!" James replied as he disappeared into the kitchen. "So, what'll you have?"

"What do you have?"

"Bagels," he called.

"Yes, and...?"

James came back out with a plate with three bagels and a small container of cream cheese. "More bagels."

"I suppose I'll have a bagel, then!" Rarity picked up a bagel with her magic and floated it to her mouth, taking a small bite for a little taste. She closed her eyes, and gave a little smile. "At least you tried."

James laughed as he and Rarity took the plate over by the wall and placed it on a hay bale. They sat on another bale next to it and continued their meal. He didn't have any furniture. Until he could get some, Applejack was kind enough to lend him a few bales of hay to use as a table, stool, and a bed.

James took a huge bite. "By the wa-"

"Please finish chewing, James. You're quite civil, yet your table manners are atrocious."

He swallowed quickly. "Sorry about that."

"And please don't eat so quickly, you don't want to start choking. Now, what were you saying?"

"I was asking why you came over this morning. I'm pretty sure it's not for a crappy bagel."

"Dear me, I'd completely forgotten!" Rarity exclaimed while pulling a package tied with a ribbon out of her saddlebags. "This is for you," she said, hoofing over the package.

James took the package. "Listen, Rarity, I appreciate this and all, but you've made me more than enough clothes. You don't need to keep working so hard for me."

Rarity scooted a little closer to James and placed a hoof on the package. "James, this one isn't just clothing. This one, I believe, is special to you. Now I need to go to work, but I just wanted to see your face when you open it. I'm sure you will simply love this one! I'm sure when you see it, you'll agree that it's my finest work yet!

"If it's your best work, why would it be special to me?" James asked, raising an eyebrow.

Rarity was beaming. "Perhaps you'll see when you open it."

With a shrug, James quickly tore the top off the package and pulled out a shirt. He suddenly froze.

This wasn't just a shirt.

The bold yellow lettering against that blue fabric... INNIN

This was impossible. There's no way she could have this. Yet here it was.

"After all, yours was badly damaged in that accident you were in..."

James couldn't hear her. He was too shocked at what was in his hands. He slowly unfolded the rest, revealing the rest of the lettering, along with the giant number 50 beneath it... BINNINGTON

As he was turning it over, Rarity kept talking.

"I couldn't save it. But I really tried my best to replicate it from what was left..."

A perfect quarter note, attached to a wing. Did she just say replicate? He looked inside the collar. Wow, she even got the inside of the collar right! Under the collar, however, was Rarity's label.

Rarity had just made him a Blues jersey.

Rarity was beginning to look nervous. (Does she look nervous?) His silence was killing her.

"James, do you not like it?"

"R- Rarity, this is, just, wow, just, wow, this is amazing!" James was finally able to stammer out.

She finally released the breath she hadn't realized she was holding. "So, is it okay? You like it?"

"It's great! It's the best! I- wow, I really don't know what to say!"

"No need to say anything. The look of joy on your face was more than enough for me. Now, walk me to the door. I really must be going," she said, getting back to her hooves.

Obviously, James was perfectly happy to comply. He opened the door for her. "I swear, I could just kiss you right now, Rarity!"

She batted her eyes at him. "Well, what's stopping you?"

"You know, the whole 'I'm a human and you're a pony' thing?"

Rarity smiled at him. "I suppose I could settle for a hug then."

James had to catch her as she reared up onto her hind legs to wrap her forelegs around his shoulders. After a few moments, she dropped back down with a contented sigh.

"Well, I shall return to you shortly. Take care until then! And if you need anything. and I do mean anything at all, you just let me know, and I'll take care of it, all right?" Rarity said on her way down the stairs.

"Yeah, and thanks again for the jersey. You honestly have no idea what something like this means to me!"

Rarity stopped for a moment. "Jersey, that's what it called? Oh well, ta-ta!"

James went back in and closed the door as Rarity walked down the road. That had gone better than she could have hoped! She started humming a happy tune as she made her way towards Carousel Boutique.