Chapters Old Unfinished Fart Clopfics
Staright and Trixie Fart Around
Author's Note
Original Description:
“After a greasy, messy dinner date at Hayburger, eternal marefriends Starlight and Trixie hang out in the wagon and discuss their relationship, interpersonal comfort, femininity, sexuality, and at the center of it all: farts.
Kinda-fetish kinda-serious-ship fic. No explicit clop but references to it and a lot of potential eproctophilia fuel.”
Staright and Trixie Fart Around
Chapter 1: The Meal
"Here's your order", a gruff stallion said, plopping down a greasy bag of fast food on the table.
"Why, thank you," Trixie said in a snide tone of voice, tossing a couple of bits the waiter's way. She and her eternal marefriend Starlight had eaten at many a fast food joint on their nomadic travels around Equestria, mainly because they were a bit strapped for cash, all the money they were making coming from the magic shows Trixie put on in many of the locations they visited. They didn't mind however; they rather enjoyed the rustic casualness of fast food, and much preferred it to the fancy-schmancy stuff Rarity used to try to get them to eat.
Chapter 2: Gassy Girl Talk
Starlight and Trixie sat out on the wagon's pull-out ramp under the star-adorned sky, looking up at the constellations. The two marefriends soaked up the serene yet brilliant sight as they sat lovingly next to each other.
Meanwhile, Starlight's stomach quietly but not inaudibly rumbled. And it wasn't from hunger.
“Beautiful night, isn’t it?” Starlight asked.
“Not as beautiful as you,” Trixie replied.
Starlight rolled her eyes and smiled. “Pff, c’mon, Trix, you know that’s such a cliché line.”
Trixie smiled slyly as she wrapped her right hoof around Starlight’s waist. “Well, it worked, didn’t it?”
“You know it did”, Starlight responded, looking into Trixie’s eyes seductively. And underneath the milky starlit sky, the two lovers engaged in a kiss.
But the chirping crickets and rustling wind of the night that soundtracked their loving consumation was interrupted as, as if on cue, a sharp “POOT” escaped from Starlight's rear.
The mares speedster as the smell of Staright’s ‘outburst’ washed over them. "Oh mare . Sorry to spoil the moment, Trixie," Starlight lamented, waving a hoof.
Trixie only laughed in response. "Come on, Glimmy, don't be like that. You can totally fart around me."
Starlight chuckled a bit herself. "You sure?"
"Starlight, there’s nopony in Equestria I’m closer to than you. Why shouldn't we be ourselves around each other? Besides, we fuck like rabbits in this wagon practically every night, of course we're at the farting stage by now."
Starlight blushed, but not from embarassement. She was so in love with her partner's blunt openness, especially at this moment.
“Besides... that was a pretty sweet fart.”
"Thanks, Trix."
"In fact, here. If it'll make you feel better..." Trixie then lifted a leg and let out a long, raunchy fart of her own.
Starlight waved a hoof in front of her nose and giggled. "Wow , Trixie, I didn't know you could do that ."
Trixie chuckled back. "Well, not to brag, totally to brag, but my farts are pretty monstrous. Especially after a good Hayburger."
Starlight chuckled and nodded. "Good to know. But can you beat..." and in lieu of finishing that sentence, Starlight lifted her left hind leg and ripped another nasty fart of her own. "...that?"
Trixie sniffed the air. "*Whew*, Starlight, I might have to take that back, yours might smell worse than mine." Both ponies laughed, then began to kiss once again.
The kiss turned sloppy as the two ponies embraced each other in their hooves, and spit began to freely drip down their chins onto the wood outing of the wagon.
As they were making out, they threw themselves down onto the mattressed floor of the wagon.
Starlight smiled. “You’re right Trixie.”
“About what?”
“You and I, we’re closer than practically anypony else in Equestria. We don’t have to hide our bodies’ natural functions from one another. No matter how much society may frown upon it, we don’t have to worry about the rest of society. We live in a little wooden wagon in the middle of the woods. Who’s gonna stop us from being our most natural selves?”
Trixie chuckled. “Now that’s what I love to hear. Promise you’ll never compromise around me and always fart or burp or sneeze or piss or crap whenever you need to, and always be open about it?”
Starlight lifted a leg and blew a sharp fart out in response. “Promise.”
Trixie lifted a leg and farted too. “I promise right back.”
“Besides... I’m already well versed in your little night-farting problem.
"What was that for?" Trixie asked affectionately.
"Oh, sometimes I just remember how much I love you and have to do that," Starlight said, as the two shifted positions into lying next to each other. "I'm just happy we're so comfortable around eachother and can talk and laugh about this kind of thing."
Trixie chuckled. "Hey, you can talk about whatever you want with me, Glim," Trixie said warmly.
The two smiled and engaged in one more short kiss.
"So, have you ever farted around anypony else before?" Trixie inquired, steering them back on topic.
Starlight thought. "A couple. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie find farts really funny, so I'm comfortable doing it around them."
"Ever farted in front of Twilight?"
Starlight thought. "No, I've... never really considered it."
"Well, homework assignment. Next time you and Twilight are going to be alone together, eat some Hayburger, then... fart. Loudly. See how she reacts and get back to me; oh, her reaction would be *priceless*."
Starlight chuckled at her enthusiasm for trolling her rival. "All right, Trix."
Trixie then got a bulb of an idea, and a sly smile made itself known. "In fact... maybe you could do Pull My Hoof?"
Starlight thought about it. "Well, as amusing as that image is, let's be honest, Pull My Hoof is one of the oldest tricks in the book. It'd be *much* better if she didn't see it coming."
"Fair enough."
"So, how about you?"
"Huh?"
"Your question. Have *you* ever farted around anypony else?"
Trixie chuckled yet again. "Oh, yeah."
“So let me ask you a question.”
“Lay it on me.”
“Do you think there’s a societal stigma that says it’s more acceptable for stallions to fart than mares?”
Trixie thought. “I guess there is a little bit, but it’s total yakshit. Let me tell you, I’ve met mares and fillies that could outfart any stallion on the planet.”
“Same,” Starlight raised her right hoof.
“I’ve actually met a few colts in my day who’ve straight-up said mares don’t fart at all.”
“Well, that’s complete bucking yakshit.”
“I know, right!? I can’t believe ponies actually believe that. Next time I hear someone say something like that, I’m just gonna rip some flank right in front of them. See how they respond.”
“Now that I would love to see.”
“Trix.”
“Yeah?”
“Do you by chance find mares farting… hot?”
Trixie rolled over atop Starlight. “Glim,” she started, “a mare who’s free and happy enough to fart with no abandon is one of the hottest things I can imagine.”
“Good.” With that, Starlight farted again, a loud, sharp one that really started stinking up the wagon. Trixie followed suit, and the scents of the unicorns’ farts began to mix. The two got lost in the pleasure and relief of unashamedly unleashing their flatulence, ripping fart after fart loudly and proudly, and soon the wagon stunk like Tartarus. At least, it would have to anypony else; to these two, it was pure bliss.
Trixie took in a deep, hearty sniff. “Oooh, that is nice.”
“Yep. Just our little cloud of heaven.”
Starlight chuckled, amused at making such a statement about farts. And yet there was indeed something simultaneously fun, serene, and deeply sexual about this whole situation. Doing something so taboo to society with no shackles or limitations alongside the Pony she loved most… it was a liberating activity unlike any other.
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Old Unfinished Fart Clopfics
Starlight’s Royal Birthday Present / Royal Winds
Author's Note
Original Description:
“Trixie and Starlight know each other like the back of their hooves. They know everything about each other, including their little fetishes...
With Starlight's birthday on the horizon, Trixie sets out to give Starlight a sexual experience she'll never forget. And to make it extra special, she'll need the help of a few princesses to create a truly royal stink...”
Starlight’s Royal Birthday Present / Royal Winds
Starlight's eyes and mouth were agape as she realized what was going on. "I'm... gonna get farted on... by royalty !?"
Trixie nodded. "Happy birthday, babe."
___
Celestial smiled and turned around, backing up so her butt was right in front of Starlight’s face.
The blessed white buttcheeks of the Princess of the Sun were displayed proudly directly before her. Starlight was in awe.
And so, Celestia finally delievered her first dose of that wonderful, heavenly, disgusting air.
*PFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!*
It washed over Starlight in a gust.
Celestia’s farts were warm, like the feeling of sunlight against your face on a summer day, or a warm embrace. It was captivating.
Celestial farted once again.
*PPPPPPPPPPFFFFPHTTTTT!*
Starlight drooled in unfathomable awe as she sniffed up the last of Celestia's heavenly gas. This was more than a sexual experience; this was a spiritual one. The goddesses of The Sun brought to her not just their presence and beauty, but their asses and farts as well? Something about the goddesses presenting something so socially taboo yet so freeing to a mere mortal like her was unbelievable. But she had to believe it. This was the forbidden air of the goddesses, and Starlight breathed it in happily, unabashedly rubbing her clit to an orgasm.
___
“Are you prepared to face the untamed, howling winds of darkness? To smell the unfiltered air from the night itself!?”
"Prepare yourself, Starlight Glimmer!", the night goddess spoke in her Royal Canterlot Voice, "prepare to face head-on the howling winds of the night!"
Luna spun around, hooves bucking in the air, until her moon-bearing butt was head-on to Starlight’s face.
PFFRRRRRRRRRRRT!
Luna's first fart propelled Starlight's hair back.
It was here Starlight could truly understand the difference between Celestia and Luna’s farts. Celestia’s were regal, refined, a could of heavenly gas that came out with the most elegance. But Luna’s? Luna’s were wild. Violent. Untamed. Unchained from the bright morality of day, instead as vicious and dark as the night itself. Not only did they stink like the depths of Tartarus, they were powerful and windy and blew her face and hair back like a tornado. Yet there was still something so... feminine about it. A powerful femininity, like a dark goddess of destruction who stunk like a rotting carcass and destroyed all with her winds. That was what Luna’s farts reminded her of. And as morbid an image as it was, it was breathtaking.
Luna wasn’t holding back; she was letting loose with utter abandon. Flying her deepest, darkest flag proudly. That’s what farts are all about.
And it was an indescribable sensation.
___
Cadence stepped up.
"Oh yeah...did I mention I'm lactose intolerant?"
Cadence turned around, her read end now in front of Starlight's face. Starlight stared at the smooth pink butt before her.
"Y'know, my husband hates it when I do this. Maybe you'll appreciate it a bit more."
From there, Cadence unleashed a series of wet, squelching, shitty-sounding farts.
Cadence breathed in her own fumes and sighed with pride. “I love being lactose intolerant.
___
Finally, Twilight stepped up. Her stomach grumbled as she approached her student.
Starlight'a eyes began to water in joy. To be farted on by the other princesses was already a high enough honor. For her own teacher, her mentor, her friend to unleash her gas on her... it was a surreal feeling, but oh so wonderful.
"Starlight Glimmer," Twilight began, "over the years I've known you, you've proven to be an incredible friend. I've watched you grow, change, and make friends. You're truly a better pony now, and I'm very proud of you. Happy Birthday."
Starlight nodded. "Thank you." Her body shook. Her vagina quivered. She was so ready.
"You're welcome. I have to admit, when Trixie proposed this idea to me, I thought it was pretty unorthodox. But if this is something you're passionate about, I'm happy to be a part of it. Besides, that three-cheese bean burrito I ate to give me all this gas... so good."
Just the thought of the gas building in Twilight's stomach was sending Starlight into an ecstatic frenzy.
"Now then... are you ready for your present?"
Starlight nodded ravenously, trembling.
"Good. Happy Birthday, Starlight."
Twilight's noticeably larger stomach bubbled as she turned around and parked her lavender, star-spangled plot right in front of Starlight's face.
She spread her wings, maneuvered her butt outwards, and let loose.
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT
A massive toot shot from Twilight’s rear, directly into her student’s face and through her nose.
___
“A mare’s fart is a wonderful thing. It represents freedom, confidence, and comfort with one’s self.” Starlight spoke, a tear in her eye. “And today I learned just what a truly wonderful experience farts can be for mares, both those who emit and smell them. I learned that farts can be more then just funny noises from your flank; they can connect us to nature. They can express who we are. They can ignite the deepest, most erotic sensations within us. And they can make us, the mares of the world, more powerful.”
“And a princesses’ farts, a goddeses’ farts... they’re some of the most powerful, beautiful things of all. I am... truly blessed to have experienced them. Thank you.”
Old Unfinished Fart Clopfics
Author's Note
Original Description:
“Every year in Phillydelphia, a contest is held. A contest of prowess, skill, and might. A contest... of flatulence.
Flatcomp is a beloved tradition that hails ponies from all over Equestria to let their gas out in extraordinary ways. In the past, only about a quarter of participants were mares, but as times have grown more and more progressive, more and more females are ready and willing to let it rip for thousands to see.
One mare who has always been part of the competition however, despite the gender ratios of old, is Rainbow Dash. A staunch Ladette who's always found flatulence entertaining, especially her own, Flatcomp was like a second home to her. And as her favorite yearly tradition welcomes more and more mares, Rainbow is delighted to do some cooking with gas each and every year, including bringing some friends along for the ride.
"Flatcomp" concept taken from Gassipons and their story Locked In , with a couple things changed.”
—
This was an attempt to expand on the “Flatcomp” idea presented in Gassipons’ story Locked In. It was going to be a whole bunch of stories that took place over the course of one year’s competition, and the story of the contest’s founder. Only got to writing as much as I did here though
Even made a custom cover image for it.
The Flatcomp Chronicles
Mane 6 Prologue
Rainbow Dash slammed open her locker in excitement, all her flights and excersices for the week finally done and the long-awaited weekend finally here.
"Hey, Dash," Soarin said as he walked in.
"Heya," Rainbow replied. "So, y'lookin' forward to this weekend with the crew?"
Soarin sighed. "No, not more than any other year. Depolluting the air after Flatcomp is always the worst weekend to be a Wonderbolt."
Rainbow chuckled. "Well, sucks to be on then recieving end of what I'll be dishing out. Hey, maybe when you're sniffing in all those rancid farts, you'll think of me!" Soarin rolled his eyes.
Rainbow's true love was flying, this much was true. But she also had a seperate, much less socially acceptable passion: farting. Even though a couple of her friends did enjoy this... "hobby" almost as much as she did, there was a time when she had never really found a place where she could really congregate with a group other ponies who shared her disgusting hobby.
But once a year, when Flatcomp rolled around, she suddenly got to express that passion to the world, and it was wonderful.
Rainbow gave Soarin a playful slap on the flank. "Aw, buck up, pal. I'm sure you and the crew will do fine. It's just a little stink. Don't sweat it."
"Easy for one of the ponies making the stink to say," a raspy voice called from the edge of the locker room.
"Oh, so you're suddenly against the idea of farting for recreation, eh, Spitfire?" Rainbow rebutted. "I've heard some of your rippers in the break room and you seemed pretty damn proud of them."
"Yeah, I can drop some pretty good bombs when I want to, but I've got a reputation to uphold! Not all of us are carefree enough to just get up on stage and fart our flanks off in front of the world, y'know."
"Yeah, whatever," Rainbow said, finally ready to leave, jacket and goggles on and bags in tow. "I gotta get home. Need to prepare some pretty epic farts for the crew to smell the weekend." She was just about out the door when she called "but hey, before I go...".
Spitfire and Soarin turned around only for Rainbow to lift her right hind leg and blast a three-second ripper right into the locker room.
"...I just wanted to give y'all a little taste. See ya next Monday! Ha!" she said as she hastily flew off.
Sally Greensmoke: Where It All Farted
Sally Greensmoke was an average green Pegasus mare with a messy dark brown mane with light brown highlights, purple eyes, braces, and freckles. She was a socially awkward pony, who spoke with a very noticeable lisp.
Ever since she was a young filly, Sally was a loud, proud, and rude about her gas, on both fronts. Her crude emissions would normally embarrass any mare her age, but she loved them and she was, almost to a fault, not afraid to show it. She burped out loud when she needed to burp, even in the middle of class, she farted when she needed to fart, regardless of who could hear or who was downwind, and she took no shame whatsoever. She out-belched and out-farted every colt and stallion that stepped to her in every grade through her entire pre-adult life. Umbecoming of a young mare? Please. It was unbecoming of all those boring adults to try and stop her.
Sally was not a popular student in the traditional sense. Her rude antics were seen as disruptive and annoying by her upperclassponies and teachers alike.
Whatever, she thought. Those stuck-up philistines just didn't know how to have fun.
And behavior aside, Sally was also a very nerdy young girl. She was a noted theater geek for one.
One day, Sally and some of her more traditionally feminine friends were having a sleepover. Brittany Spotlight, a popular student who had taken a liking to Samantha's no-fucks-given personality and pity upon her unpopularity, had decided to allow her into their clique, much to the initial dismay of some of the other members. Normally such an unpopular and gross mare wouldn't make it in, but having her around always ended up being a good time, so the group and her ended up really bonding, despite their... differing levels of social class.
During this sleepover, Brittany's mother had ordered her daughter and her friends a special. Sally's favorite food; Cloudsdale Chili Dogs. That on top of all the soda she drank meant something was brewing in Samantha's gut. Something big. Something lifechanging.
"Careful, everyone," Brittany warned the other mares, "Princess Poots-A-Lot here might stink up the room."
Sally chuckled, an audible snort escaping her nose. "'Might'? You underestimate me." Her stomach gurgled and she let the first fart escape.
Brittany chuckled playfully. "You're so gross, Greensmoke."
Sally smiled proudly. "Thanks." She passed gas yet again, this time for even longer.
—
The room stood empty of mares save Sally herself, who deeply breathed in the stench of her own gas. This was a new accomplishment for her. For the first time, Sally had actually cleared a room.
She broke into laughter, snorting all the way. "Hoo boy! That was really somethin'"
She looked back at her flank to admire the end of her that did all the handiwork, when she noticed something different.
"Oh. My. Gosh." she started in quite disblief. Had she?
What appeared to be a green cartoon fart cloud was now depicted on her flank. It was...
"OH. MY. GOSH." she repeated a few times, her tone slowly escalating from shock to ecstacy. She finally bellowed out the one her friends would hear. "OH! MY! GOSH!!!!! YOU GUYS! GET IN HERE!"
Finally. After years of being called a rude, uncouth cretin for her passion, it had finally happened. Fate had proved them all wrong.
She had gotten her cutie mark. In farting.
The next weekend was Sally’s cuteciñera.
Now that the party was basically over, Sally knew there was only one way to end it. She got up on stage and tapped the microphone, brining all eyes to her.
"And now, for my closing act..." Sally lowered the mic stand and pressed her rear end right up against it. Everyone knew what was coming next. Nopony reacted in time. "...SMELL THIS!" A coarse, smelly, room-conquering thirty-second flatulence bomb dropped from Samantha's ass, filling the room with near-toxic gas and real, ugly fart noises blaring over the loudspeakers.
The next few years were less than ideal form Sally. She had moved out into Fillydelphia where she lived in a small, run-down apartment. She had barely kept in touch with Brittany and the gang.
"It's just not fair!" Sally cried out. "Everypony else gets to live out their cutie mark's destiny, but I get a load of yakshit for it!? Buck this stupid society!" she screamed as she violently flopped down on her bed. The vibration from the fall caused a hardly-tacked-on paper poster on her wall to come fluttering down and land on her head. She picked it off and looked at it.
It was a poster for a gaming tournament she had attended years ago. It was nice; a place where ponies who loved gaming could congregate and show off their skills.
A tournament...
A thought began to swirl in Sally’s head. What if... there was an event like this where gassy or immaturely-humored ponies could congregate? Where ponies could fart without having to be shamed or looked down upon for it? A time and place where flatulence was... OK? No... celebrated?
Such an event sounded like a wonderful fantasy, and Sally immediately began to fantasize what an even would look like.
First of all, fart shaming would be a no-no. Ponies would be allowed to cut the cheese as loud or as smelly as they wanted or had to.
Second of all, the centerpiece of this convention would be a contest. A tournament. A chance to see who in Equestria could rip the nastiest ones.
Third of all, Cloudsdale Chili Dogs would be a must for a concessions.
The more she fantasized about this hypothetical event, the more overtaken with ecstasy and excitement she became. But that was soon overtaken with a wave of despondence... barely anypony would care to attend an event like that.
Right?
Nevertheless, Sally knew an event like this should exist. Farts were frowned upon in public society for the most part; what would be the harm in one place, for a few days, where they were completely acceptable and celebrated? Where ponies could just freely fart whenever, wherever, free of social consequence?
Sally took a quill and began to write up her plans for this new convention right away.
It would be called: Flatcomp.
Old Unfinished Fart Clopfics
A Smellier Equestria / Culture Shock
Author's Note
Original Description:
For “A Smellier Equestria”:
“Welcome to Equestria. Here in Equestria, there are three types of ponies: earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns. It is ruled under two princesses: Princess Celestia, ruler of the sun and the day, and Princess Luna, ruler of the moon and the night.
The ponies of Equestria are very social creatures. And they express themselves through one very important social custom: farting.
Yes, this Equestria may not be the Equestria you are familiar with. This version of Equestria is one that reveres the natural gas of the body. Farts are used to signify greeting, friendship, and even honor and love. Farting out loud in any public setting is completely socially acceptable, no matter how serious. Conflict is settled with farting contests. It’s a much smellier place than the Equestria you’re used to.
It is in this Equestria that a young unicorn mare named Twilight Sparkle is sent away from her home city of Canterlot to live amongst the natives of Ponyville, and make friends along the way. And the way things unfold may seem familiar to some, but rest assured, there is much more gas passing involved than you may remember...”
This one was just going to be episodes and scenes and story moments from the show itself, but in this bizzaro AU with a lot more farting.
For “Culture Shock”:
“One morning, Twilight Sparkle woke up in a strange alternate dimension. For some reason, everypony was obsessed with farts. Every time she walked out into the street, dozens of ponies both mare and stallion would stick their rump in her face and blast one. Why did she awake in this... stinky new world?
She has to get to the bottom of this.
___
One morning, Twilight Sparkle woke up in a strange alternate dimension. For some reason, almost nopony was cool with farts. Every time she walked out into the street and tried sticking her rump into the faces of the mares and stallions and blasting one, they didn’t appreciate it at all. Why did she awake in this... not even remotely stinky new world?
She has to get to the bottom of this.”
And this was going to be a direct sequel to ASE where the main series Twilight and the fart AU Twilight swapped universes. Pretty simple.
A Smellier Equestria / Culture Shock
A Smellier Equestria
Farting Is Magic, Part I
As Twilight ran down the lane, three butts simultaneously popped up in her face, each ripping a sharp poot.
Culture Shock
Fartmusik
The lights in the club thumped. The music in the club was different than what she was used to hearing in her world; same 4:4 thumping electronic beat, but the synths were replaced with rhythmically-placed squelching fart sounds. Soon enough, long synth hits overplayed with longer, smoother farts started building the song, leading into a normal EDM buildup until it reached the crescendo, where there simply played a deep, bassy butt belch with no accompaniment whatsoever, then came a dubstep drop interlaced with ugly fart noises. It was certainly a genre of music Twilight had never heard before. She looked up to see Vinyl Scratch, AKA DJ-PON3, facing away from the audience with her butt to the microphone and her DJ equipment against the wall. She was, incredibly, farting into the microphone live and sampling her emissions into the song in real time. As disgusting as it was, it was impressive.
Soon, a scruffy brown waiter came by, holding a tray with Twilight’s drink.
“Oh, thank you, sir.”
“No problem. Would you like the crop-dust special?”
“Um, no th-“
“Sure!” Rainbow Dash interrupted.
The waiter obliged, setting down the tray and squatting over it, before pumping out a gassy fart that covered the drink.
Twilight looked disgusted.
“Why the long face? All our waiters and waitresses do this with all our food and drink. On the house.”
He pointed behind Twilight to reveal a pink waitress doing the same to a green patron’s drink.
Twilight sighed and drank down the beverage anyway. The fart left behind a sour taste, but surprisingly it wasn’t so bad.
The song ended with a fading-out prolonged fart, and Vinyl turned to speak to the audience, her face right up against the probably stink-laden microphone.
“WHAT’S UP, MY FUCKIN’ STINKERS!?”
The crowd cheered.
“Oh come on, you know that’s not the proper way to address me. One more time, WHAT’S UP MY FUCKIN’ STINKERS!? ”
This time the ponies caught on, blasted out poots, toots, farts, and butt belches all at once to show Vinyl their appreciation.
Vinyl laughed uproariously. “NOW THAT’S WHAT I LIKE TO FUCKIN’ HEAR!!! RIGHT NOW, I’M GONNA BRING A LITTLE FRIEND UP ON STAGE WITH ME. HE’S BEEN ROCKING THE HOUSE WITH FARTSTEP FOR ALMOST AS LONG AS I HAVE, PLEASE WELCOME THE INCREDIBLY TALENTED BUTT OF NEON LIGHTS!”
The crowd hooted and hollered as Neon Lights walked up in stages. The two DJ’s greeted, before lifting their legs and farting into their microphones, beginning their set.
—-
“Equestrians evolved this way because ancient ponies discovered they could make music with the gas emissions from their flanks. Soon enough, farts were considered healthy and even sacred,” Vinyl elaborated.
Old Unfinished Fart Clopfics
Author's Note
Original Description:
“Breaking wind is unbecoming of a princess. Or, so Twilight believes.
Once a mare willing to blow her flank like a horn, even if just around her closest friends, Twilight has started to become more shy about her natural emissions, and Rainbow and Pinkie set out to remind her that everypony farts.”
This one came to me in a dream. There was going to be a scene where Rainbow takes Twilight to a fancy pancake restaurant since Pancakes give Twilight gas (that was part of the dream), but I never got around to writing it.
Twifarts
Twifarts
They sat on the steps of the looming castle as Twilight's belly grumbled.
"Come on, Twilight. You can fart around us. We won't judge you. Trust me," Rainbow insisted.
Twilight sighed and nodded, assured by her friend's words. She stood up. A few sputtering noises escaped her flank, building to a sharp three-second fart.
Rainbow smiled. "Thank you."
Twilight sighed.
Twilight And The Princesses
Twilight lowered her head. "I don't know. Maybe I'm not princess material after all."
After a few seconds of silence, a raunchy toot sounded through the air.
Twilight looked up, knowing that noise didn't come from her plot, only to see Celestia with her left back leg hiked up in a farting position.
Twilight was flabbergasted, deciding to sniff the air and... oh, yep, it was nasty. Twilight couldn't believe her mentor and the princess of the sun just ripped one in front of her like that.
Luna followed suit, blasting a staunch ripper of her own, and Cadende, whose fart was surprisingly musical.
"I... I don't understand. I thought farting was upprinesslike!"
Celestia chuckled. "Well... according to who? Who has say over the Princesses?"
Twilight thought on it for a second.
"You see, Twilight," Celestia continued, "you might think you need to be perfectly strict and couth all the time as a princess, but that couldn't be further from the truth. You're royalty, Twilight, and as royalty, well..."
"Social rules don't apply to you," Luna chimed in. "You can just..." Luna lifted her hind leg and let a quacking tuba of a fart escape her rear, "Cut loose! After all... who’s going to stop you?"
Cadence chuckled. “It’s actually a really freeing experience. Just blasting wind in crowds of thousands and being able to take full credit for it while still demanding to be treated like royalty... it’s great.”
“Especially when you're with other royalty. We’ve never told you this, but... us Princesses do have a night every now and again where we just sit around and let our every bodily function go wild,” Luna said.
“Yep,” Cadence chimes back in. “We burp, we sneeze, we snort, and we fart . Oh mare, do we ever FART.”
Celestia wrapped a wing around Twilight. “Twilight. Never be ashamed of your natural self.”
Old Unfinished Fart Clopfics
Starlight and Big Mac
Applejack and Starlight watched Big Mac do some applebucking in the Apple Family field.
Big Mac let out some loud flatulence, to which Starlight hooted and hollered.
“Nice one, Mac!”
Big Mac looked proud.
Starlight bit her lip and ripped one.
—
Applejack looked skeptical. “I sure hope y’ ain’t plannin’ on usin’ magic to enhance those farts.”
“Please. Who needs magic when you got poots like these?”
Changeling Attack
The Changelings chased Trixie into the cave.
Trixie flashed her ass, and within seconds and a loud fart noise, smelly green mist flooded from the cave, and multiple Changelings flopped dead on the ground.
Trixie exited the cave with pride, proud of her work.
Saving The Stadium
A light bulb went off in Rainbow’s head. “Twilight. They serve Canterlot Chili here, correct?”
While the Cloudsdale Chili is being handed out: “This is your ammunition. And your weapon... will be your flanks.”
The ponies all looked at eachother in confusion.
“That’s right everypony! We’re gonna fart these suckers away! And don’t get cold feet; we need everypony’s help on this. Trust me , nobody’s judging you. And if somepony next to you looks embarrassed and isn’t letting loose, just assure them that we’re all in this together! We’re all! Gonna! Fart!”
Vinyl got an idea. She pulled her microphone around to her flank and let out a nasty butt belch, the bass sound of which echoed through the stadium.
Rainbow smiled back at Vinyl. “Y’see? There’s a pony who’s not afraid to let her flatulence fly. Remember: every pony farts! And right now... everypony needs to.” She then stuck her megaphone to her ass and let one rip for the whole stadium to hear.
One by one, more ponies let rip. A cacophonous symphony of farts sounded throughout the stadium, and soon enough a cloud of corrosive stink began to form all throughout the arena.
The Mane 6 were all doing their part. Spike and the crusaders were doing their parts. The Princesses were doing their parts. Every mare, stallion, and child in the arena were doing their parts.
A Royal Problem Deleted Scene
As they sat across the royal table from each other eating their pancakes, Starlight had a burning question she had to get from Celestia.
“So, Princess. There’s a little something I’ve been wondering for a while that I’d like to ask.”
Celestia smiled. “Whatever questions you have about royal life I’d be happy to answer, Starlight.”
“OK. Do princesses... fart?”
The room sat silent for a few seconds. Starlight was afraid her question didn’t go over well. That is, until Celestial lifted a leg and ripped one right in front of her.
The smell wafted over to Starlight, who sniffed it in. The stench was foul, more so than she expected.
“Does that answer your question?” Celestial asked.
“More than enough,” Starlight answered.
Vinyl Scratch and Octavia’s Interviewlike. An. Animal. ”
“Are you sure your colleague is comfortable with you sharing this information?” her interviewer inquired.
“Well...”
The camera cut to Vinyl’s side of the interview, where...
PPPPPPPFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRT!
...Vinyl loudly and proudly lifted a leg and dealt a nasty, deep-pitched fart.
“Ah . Now that was some serious bass, am i right?”
The camera cut back to Octavia’s interview.
“I feel like she won’t mind.”
The Annual Princess Gross-Out [Note: mentions of a lot more gross bodily function stuff than just farting.]
Many ponies think this is for something incredibly important, like serious negotiation or even prayer.
This is not true.
You see, the life of a princess is a taxing one. It’s busy and generally speaking you have to keep up some level of public image.
But this isn’t true when princesses are around other princesses. When there’s no pony else around, they can do wherever they please. And in eachother’s presence, they do. When left alone with each other, the princesses can be some of the most unladylike people you ever met.
And once a year, they meet in the highest chambers of Canterlot castle to let their inner wild animals fly.
Because at this event, the princesses be gross. They burp, they fart, they spit, they sneeze out loud, they piss and shit on the floor and wipe their asses on the nicest things they can lay their eyes on, not limited to eachothers’ faces, and they sure as Tartarus don’t bathe.
Author's Note
...And a collection of miscellaneous ideas and concepts and scenes I had written down, usually from dreams or morning jerk-off sessions, that were never intended to become full stories.
Some descriptions/elaboration:
Saving The Stadium
Wherein all the ponies in the stadium must fart and make it stink to high Tartarus to save it from an invasion of an undecided threat.
Vinyl Scratch and Octavia
My idea with these two is that Octavia is usually very resistant to farts and does not do it in public under any circumstances, but Vinyl encourages her to be comfortable doing it around her. Eventually, she is. Meanwhile, Vinyl is generally shameless about gas.
The Annual Princess Grossout
An expansion of the idea mentioned at the end of Twifarts.
And finally, some descriptions for concepts that were never given proper text:
Fartracking
Rainbow and some of her more uncouth friends were bored one day, and decided to pass the time with one of their favorite activities; public farting. Only this time, they concieve of a crowd farting prank that's a little more... musical.
Basically the idea was that Rainbow, Pinkie, and Lyra would go to a club and fart really loudly whenever the music stopped. Vinyl would be involved too, obviously.
Musical Farts
Rarity and Rainbow Dash discover that Fluttershy has a very special talent she had been keeping secret - she can play her flatulence like a musical instrument. Fascinated by this skill, the three try to coax Octavia and her orchestra into playing a show where the main instrument is their friend's gas.
Getting To Know Eachother
Ever since Starlight Glimmer moved to Ponyville, she's been slowly getting to know her mentor Twilight's group of friends.
When hanging out with Rainbow Dash, Starlight discovers she shares some of the lightning-fast mare's tomboyish tendencies...
(...meaning while bonding over milkshakes Rainbow and Starlight discover eachothers’ love of farting.)
Old Unfinished Fart Clopfics
Author's Note
And as a bonus here’s the one and only scat story I’ve ever worked on.
Original Description:
“Poop. Shit. Crap. Dung. Feces.
In their friendship, Monochrome Miasma and Wicker Glow have bonded over their mutual interest in excrement, and founded a club based around a secret room there they are free to go wherever they please and keep it around forever. And they wish to induct more to be invited to this scatological playground...”
[SCAT] The Poop Room
Chapter 1
“Aaaaand that’s the last of ‘em!”
Monochrome Miasma unceremoniously placed the last cardboard box down onto the pile.
“Are you sure?” Wicker Glow asked in response.
Monochrome Miasma was a glamorous unicorn with a pure white coat and a long, flowing black mane and tail, single diamond piercing on her left ear and jewels studded in her nose and lip.
Wicker Glow was the opposite. A Pegasus with a beige coat and a scraggly, somewhat short mane and glasses, she was far from the height of fashion and glamour.
One would think the two would never have anything in common, but they had a filthy little secret all to themselves that united them in friendship; they loved poop.
Monochrome and Wicker first met at a Hayburger after a hefty meal for the both of them. They sat directly next to eachother in the stalls and took not only massive, but noisy shits. Eventually, one started trying to one up the other in what sounds they could make with their rears and they ended up in a game of Battleshits.
Still uncertain about if the mare in the other stall truly shared her scatological sense of humor, Wicker Glow very slowly and meekly approached Monochrome at the sinks as she was washing her hooves. She knew there was a chance the black-and-white pony would be disgusted at the insinuation that she was at all interested in excrement, but... Wicker had never met another pony who was as fascinated by poop as she was, and if there was even a chance she could make one friendship out of it... asking was worth it.
She tapped the two-toned pony on the shoulder.
“Um... hi. I know this might sound weird but... that sounded like some pretty impressive... ahem ... work you were doing there in the stall. Were you... trying to compete with me?”
Monochrome smiled. “Of course. I take pride in my business, you know. In fact... would you like to see it?”
Wicker was flustered. “Umm... yeah! I... I’d be very interested in that!”
Monochrome chuckled. “Hey, it’s all right. I know it’s a strange interest but it’s one I share. Name’s Monochrome Miasma. You?”
The social strain overtaking Wicker’s body loosened. This pony... this Monochrome, rather, was so nonchalant in the same interest she was so flustered by. Maybe this interaction would turn out for the best. “I... I’m Wicker Glow.”
“Pleased to meet you, Wicker. Come.”
The two ponies walked over to the stall Monochrome had just occupied. Sitting in the toilet, unflushed, was a messy, smelly brown pile. Now unphased by the awkwardness of the topic, Wicker reached out and touched it.
Monochrome let out a slight chuckle. “Yep. That’s what this place does to me.”
Wicker sighed in lament. “Kind of wish I hadn’t flushed mine now.”
Monochrome playfully bumped Wicker with her hoof. “Hey, it’s all right. We all poop more than once, don’t we? I’m sure I’ll get to see some of your business in the future.”
Wicker looked up. “Really?”
“Yep. Where do you live?”
“I can lead you there if you want.”
“Good. Let’s finish this conversation on the way. Might seem awkward just standing around in the bathroom like this.”
Monochrome started to leave.
“But... wait... aren’t you going to flush?”
“And deprive whoever comes in next of my creation? Perish the thought. Come along, now.”
Wicker was in awe. This was the pony she was looking for all her life.
As the two walked the cold streets of Manehattan, they continued to talk about their... unorthodox shared interest.
“So... how did a pony so... glamorous get interested in something so... y’know... not?” Wicker asked.
“How about you?”
“Well... you may not believe this but I used to be part of a... pretty rowdy group of teens. We would pull a lot of stupid pranks and... quite a few of them involved feces in some way. Flinging plastic bags of poop at the houses of ponies we didn’t like, you know the kind. We had a few designated poopers for those kinds of pranks and, well, I took a lot of pride in being the most talented girl among them in that field.”
“You sure? You strike me as more of a ‘read quietly in the library’ type than a ‘rowdy teens and shit bag pranks’ type.
Wicker adjusted her glasses, only accentuating Monochrome’s point. “Well, I’ve... changed a lot since then. I used to be crazy and rebellious, ride motorcycles, listen to heavy music, do dumb, dangerous pranks, but... I dunno. Guess I’ve just quieted down since then. Ponies can change in ten years.”
“Interesting.”
“But I never lost that love of the game. The game of pooping, that is. I just... love the sensation. The release. The relief. The way it rubs against your nether regions as it comes out. The smell. It’s all so... perversely enchanting.”
The two made it to Wicker’s little apartment to talk and talked about their bowel movements as much as they could that night.
At the time, Wicker was living in a broken-down apartment, and Monochrome was part of a traveling group of fashion agents. However, Momochrome dropped out of the group and used her enormous wealth to buy her and Wicker a new house to live in together.
And it was a fancy house too.
“Aw, man!” Wicker glowed with excitement. “I can’t wait for all the freedom we have now! We can poop in the showers, not flush the toilets, leave little surprises for eachother in bed... it’s gonna be great!”
“Now hold on there, Wicker. I’m as excited to get started as you are, but we need to set the place up first.”
The two ponies trotted slowly down into the basement, eerie silence creeping around them. By the time they got to the bottom, it was pitch black.
Wicker felt around for a light switch before her hoof finally settled upon one. She clicked it and, just like that, the basement illuminated to reveal an empty concrete box, strewn with mold and spider webs.
“Damn. Looks like nopony’s cleaned this place in years,” Monochrome said as she surveyed the blank room.
As she walked around, Wicker happened upon a door. “What’s this?” She opened the door and, to her surprise, inside was a large, empty closet with white walls and old, slightly molded carpet.
“An empty room, huh?” Monochrome shimed in. Soon, a smug smile crept across her face.
“Mono, what’re you doing?”
“An empty, dirty room, spotless white walls, completely out of the way... Wicker. Do you know what this means?”
Wicker thought it over... her eyes widened when she came to the same realization as Mono. “Oh, Mono... it’s perfect,” she beamed.
Mono spread her legs as Wicker watched in wondered excitement. A thick, meaty log of shit poured out of her pristine, white asshole. After she was done, a long, soggy turd sat in the dead center of the previously barren room.
“Well, Wicker? Would you like to contribute.”
Wicker perked up. “Ooh, oh, oh, yes, yes, yes!”
Wicker stood directly next to where Mono had stood and herself dropped a massive, juicy turd directly parallel to Mono’s.
After Wicker was done, Mono buried her two hooves into the dual-striped pile of dung and slathered her shit-stained hoof prints onto the door of the room. Wicker soon followed suit, leaving a dual set of hoofprints on the door.
Wicker smiled wide, shaking happily. “I hope that stain lasts forever.”
Mono smiled in a much more reserved fashion. “I’m sure it will, Wicker. Be proud, because we laid the inaugural groundwork of...”
Mono picked up a little more shit from the pile and wrote it down on the door. “The Poop Room.”
Old Unfinished Fart Clopfics
Incredible Farts Of Magic
Author's Note
Original Description:
“Starlight Glimmer bets Trixie she can’t make an entire magic show with tricks revolving around passing gas. Trixie happily takes up this challenge and agrees.”
Incredible Farts Of Magic
“You really think you’re a great magician?” Starlight asked.
“Only the greatest magician in Equestria,” Trixie said. “Nobody possesses such incredible magical prowess as I the great and...”
PFRRRRRRRRRT
Trixie’s sentence was cut off by a fart escaping her flank.
“...well, flatulent, Trixie.” She chuckled.
But Starlight didn’t chuckle. Instead, a devilish grin slowly crept across her face. A brilliant, evil, wonderful idea just cracked in her head.
“Would the greatest magician in Equestria be willing to make a bet?”
Tricks smiled. “Lay it on me.”
“I bet you can’t make an entire magic show that centers entirely around...” She pointed a hoof at Trixie. “...your farts.”
Trixie scoffed. “Please, Starlight. That’s child’s play.”
Starlight smirked. “And I think I know just the gal to help us...”
-
“And I mean, gaseous emissions are kind of your species’ thing, isn’t it?”
Ember thought. “Yeah, it’s true, us dragons love our burps and farts. But we don’t try to make flashy spectacles out of them.”
Starlight looked confused. “But, don’t you guys have farting and belching contests all the time?”
“Yeah. Competing to have the loudest, grodiest ones possible. Turning it into fancy, frilly magic tricks magic tricks would ruin the point. Besides, I doubt you ponies could handle a dragon’s fart. If I helped you out with my own gas I’d probably kill you.”
Trixie pushed Starlight aside and walked to Ember confrontationally. “You wanna bet ?” Starlight tries to signal to Trixie that this was a bad idea.
Ember looked at Trixie and rolled her eyes. “Fine. You wanna see what our farts are like? I’ll give you a tiny little taste.” Ember turned back facing the two unicorns, lifted a leg and pooted.
Even from a relatively small fart the stench was corrosive and awful. Starlight and Trixie coughed and gagged on the stench.
“Yep. That’s the power of a dragon’s fart and we’re proud of it. No offense, but I doubt a couple of ponies could handle long-term exposure to that , let alone what we’re really capable of.”
The Opening Trick: Who Farted?
Starlight uses a broadcasting spell right behind Trixie’s ass. During her opening speech, Trixie rips one and the sound happens somewhere in the audience.
Trick: Farts of Flame