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Natalie slowly comes to, staring right at a grey, fuzzy little gremlin thing eating a slice of cake.

"Oh, you're awake. I was wondering when you would." He says, promptly taking another bite of cake.

"Uh... The 'ell are you supposed to be?" Natalie asks, still lying down.

"The one who's supposed to watch you for now." The gremlin says nonchalantly.

Natalie thinks for a moment. "So... what are those other ponies, wan'ed fugi'ives or somethin'?"

The gremlin nods. "Kind of, but we'll get them soon. They just kind of... keep escaping us, right before we can get them, you know? Tempest gets reeeeeaaaaaalllllyyyyy frustrated when they get away. I think this is the third time now."

Natalie sits up. "So... why am I 'ere again?"

"I... actually don't know. You got captured by mistake, I think, since you're not one of those other ponies. Buuuut, we kind of have to make sure the ponies are all captured." The gremlin explains.

"You keep saying 'ponies' and 'the ponies', like they're all one group or somethin'. But, you have a pony commander? 'Ow does that work?" Natalie asks.

"Tempest is a pony, yes. But she's also part of The Storm King's army, for a long time too. She's pretty cool, for a pony. I mean, she gave The Storm King a magic stick thing, and told him how to conquer Equestria. And then we did it. She was jumping around the battlefield, kicking petrification orbs at the princesses, and bam, Equestria's ours." The gremlin says, taking bites of his cake between sentences.

"Well, she's a right cunt then, ain't she. Sellin' out 'er entire race like that." Natalie says aloud, mostly to herself.

That's when the little gremlin got meaner. "Don't you diss Commander Tempest like that!" Then, a look of realization crosses his face. "Oh right! I'm supposed to tell her when-"

"The prisoner wakes back up." Tempest finishes, staring down at the two as she descends a nearby staircase.

"Honestly, Grubber. You're even more useless than those princesses we captured. Leave us." Tempest orders.

Grubber salutes. "Right away."

Tempest and the others quietly wait until they hear Grubber leave the room, closing the door behind himself.

"Now, where were we?" Tempest asks rhetorically, pacing around Natalie's cage. "Oh, right. About your affiliation with the other ponies. I can see that you aren't part of their little friend group. However." She halts, looking Natalie right in the eyes. "That still doesn't explain the fact that you were at the very same marketplace when the others were escaping. Or the fact that all ponies hail from Equestria, myself included, yet you claim not to."

Natalie rolls her eyes, choosing to remain silent.

Tempest sighs angrily. "Do you even have a name?"

"Pony names are weird. Commander Tempest, Twilight Sparkle, what would even be a believable pony name? Gah, think... I ended up bending those cage bars, but Bender would be too derivative... Wait, I've got one." Natalie thinks. "Null Render."

Tempest looks at the newly dubbed Null for a moment. "Well then, Null Render, get comfortable in that cage. You'll be there for a long while, unless you can give me some useful information."

"And why should I believe that? Even if I did have somethin' to tell you, you'd just keep me locked up. I'm not stupid." Null retorts.

"Maybe you are smarter than I would've given you credit for. Perhaps my questions will be answered once Twilight is finally caught." Tempest says, leaving the room.

Null lies back down, bored now that she's all alone. That quickly changes, when two soldiers bring in and start linking up what looks to be an unused cage, all opened up, to a chain on the ceiling. Once it's strung up, the soldiers bring down another hooked chain, linking Null's cage to it. Then, they leave without so much as saying a word.

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Without warning, the floor opens up beneath Null's cage, startling her from her nap. Then, the open cage drops to the ground, VERY far below. Soon, the cage lifts, containing a very purple pony with both wings, and a horn.

Null hears a very distressed voice call out "TWILIGHT!" from the ground, having come from a small purple and green dragon.

As abruptly as it had opened, the floor closes back up, both Null and Twilight's cages lowering back to the floor with a thud. Twilight tries in vain to blast the bars of the cage with her magic, each small burst fizzling powerlessly against the bars.

"Let me guess, you're that Twilight Sparkle these twats are after?" Null asks.

A VERY shocked Twilight looks at her, completely floored that a pony would use such a naughty word.

"I'll take that as a 'yes' then." Null sighs.

"Y-yes, I am. But, who are you?" Twilight asks.

"Hmm, so you really don't know each-other." Tempest says, approaching the caged ponies.

Twilight turns her attention to Tempest. "Why? Why are you doing this? You're a pony, just like me!"

As Tempest slams against Twilight's cage, something in Null's mind clicks. "Wait a minute. Pony..." She glances at the mark on Twilight's rear, then to her own. "And we 'ave tattoos on our arses... Bloody 'ell I'm in some kinda My Little Pony world. Where they're like, caged up 'n shit. Slavery... 'ow fun. And I'm pitch-black. Ain't that a funny allegory or somethin'."

Null watches on as Tempest performs her musical number. "The edge of this bitch. She's even got a Tragic Backstory™."

When they're brought up to the deck of the ship, the occupied Canterlot is in full view. The smoke billowing from the once majestic city, now a sorry sight to behold as ponies are moved along the street in chains, others caged up and being hauled onto more zeppelins.

"Face it, princess. Friendship failed you." Tempest says somewhat softly.

"No... I failed friendship..." Twilight laments.

"Well THAT'S depressin'." Null quips, drawing the attention of both Tempest and Twilight, both of whom seem equally annoyed. "Am I wrong? Seriously, this whole situation's right fucked."

The foul language causes Twilight to visibly cringe, and even Tempest seems a little taken aback at just how readily this pony swears. Even those within the Storm King's ranks don't swear nearly as often.

Tempest quickly regains her composure, stepping closer. "That's why it's an invasion, sweetheart. It's not supposed to be fun, you're all going to serve under the Storm King."

"After you sold out your entire race to 'im, you bleedin' cunt." Null glowers. Just as before, this earns Tempest's ire, the taller pony stomping her way closer to Null. "For what, money? Power? What's to stop 'im from enslaving you along with us?"

"Because if he were going to, he would have already. He's not exactly... patient." Tempest says, remembering how foal-ish the Storm King can be at times.

"Keep tellin' yourself that love, but the moment I'm outta this cage, I'll show you what for, you dusty bitch." Null says, sitting on her hinds while motioning her forelegs and front hooves in a fisticuffs motion. "Tempest Shadow-boxing right on ya."

Tempest rolls her eyes. "I don't have time for your games. Why don't you keep Princess Twilight company." She says, walking back towards the door.

"Oooh, I bet you'd love to see that. Definitely gettin' a closeted lady lover vibe from you." Null says, Tempest turning her head back towards the offensive pony, only to see that she's mostly around and pointing her rear in the air, making an obnoxiously lewd face. "Awwh yeah, you wanna just ravage this sexy little pony don't'cha, let's gay it up miss tall dark and brooding." Null says, wiggling her rump.

Tempest's face gains a new shade of red, coupled with a mix of anger and confusion, before the flustered commander leaves in a hurry.

Once Tempest is gone, Twilight clears her throat. "E-excuse me. Umm... Why do you have to curse so much? And do... that. Please don't do that again." Twilight asks.

Null groans. "I dunno, it's kinda... just how I talk, swearin's like breathin', it just comes out whenever." Null says with a shrug. "By the by, I noticed somethin' weird." She says, tapping on the cage bars, the engraved marking on her front hooves more apparent to Twilight now. "When I got real angry before, I started slammin' around the cage, and my 'ooves were glowin'. And I saw both yours and Tempest's horns glow... Do all ponies have glowy bits somewhere on 'em?"

Twilight starts to look a little excited, compared to her misery just a few moments prior. "Your hooves glowed? I've never heard of that happening before, can you show me?" The princess of magic asks, the curiosity distracting her from her depression for the moment.

Null looks down at her hoof. "I can try... lemme see..." She juts her hoof out... nothing. She juts it out again. "Hyah!" Once again, nothing. Then, she tries waving it around in a slow, weird way. "Come on... come on come on come onnnnnn..." And now she's waving them both around wildly. "Abracadabra, alakazam, open sesame, bibbity boppity boo, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, go hoof go, penis, skidaddle skadoodle, Blue skadoo we can too, hoobadooba, za warudo, SOMETHING!? ANYTHING!?" At this point, Null is getting increasingly more frustrated, which seems to actually be working now. However, she's too angered to notice, hitting her glowing forehooves against the cage's bars with her eyes clenched shut. "RRRRAAAAAAAAA!"

Twilight takes notice of the oddity, reaching a hoof out. She was about to shout for Null to stop, but the bars of the cage she's beating against are actually beginning to creak as they bend. As soon as Null snaps the bars open, the loud noise snaps her out of her rage, causing her to sit there with a sheepish grin. "Uhh... tadaa..."

Twilight attempts to usher Null on, waving a foreleg forward. "Go on, get out of here! Go get help!"

The second Null's right forehoof steps down, she winces, pulling it back with a small yelp. Holding her forehooves up, she notices the smoke, seems whatever that power was had been burning her. Blowing on her hooves for a quick second, she then slips out of her cage, briskly walking over to Twilight's. "But I can free you."

"No time, I'll be fine. Besides, Tempest wants me, she'll go after both of us if you break me out." Twilight says, putting a hoof to Null's chest. "Please, it's our best chance."

Null looks down. She doesn't really know Twilight, but part of her feels terrible at the thought of leaving her behind in that cage. Nevertheless, Twilight's logic wins out. Null steps back, giving her a nod. "Alright, I'll be back for you though." Null says, starting her run across the deck, spotting a loose cloth. That's when she gets an idea. Wiggling her short snout underneath the cloth, she takes a moment to drape it over her back. Carefully making her way to the edge, she uses her hooves to... grab the cloth, realizing just how asinine her idea really was, especially from this height.

She doesn't get to mull it over much longer, as Grubber comes up from the deck. The little gremlin drops his sponge cake, running towards Null. "Hey! W-wait, what are you doing!?"

Null takes the plunge, still managing to grip the cloth somehow. However, she only has it from the two front corners, the rest of it lifting off her back as she falls, decidedly without style. She clenches her eyes shut once more, the scared pony's hooves beginning to glow again. "Stupid stupid stupid! Why did I think that would work!? Am I still residually drunk or something!? Why did I think any old cloth would work like a parachute!? I wish I had a parachute right now!"

That's when Null's descent begins to slow, something confusing her enough to open her eyes again. And in her hooves are strings, made from the cloth's material, the majority of the cloth itself forming the parachute. Looking down to her belly, more of it seems to be roped around her barrel. In her panic, she somehow altered the cloth into a makeshift parachute.

As Null sails down towards Canterlot, one thought crosses her mind. "'Ow the fuck did I get myself into all this?"

Author's Note

Finally getting this ball rolling after actual years of wanting to do so. What sort of adventures await our vulgar enigma?