Rendering it Null

by AvariceArtifice

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Other, Tempest Shadow, Profanity, My Little Pony: The Movie, Random, Adventure, Violence, Grubber, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3476

A human named Natalie awakens in a strange new world as some kind of magic horse thing among furries and shit.

A former human named Natalie awakens in a strange new world as some kind of magic horse thing among furries and shit. As if that weren't bad enough, she didn't get to bring her flask with her! How's a raging alcoholic supposed to get by like this!?

Published 2023-08-14 01:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-08-14 01:20:00 UTC

Chaper 1: What, Who, Where, Why, and HOW IN THE FUCK!?

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Natalie finds herself inside of a dark void. At least, she thinks it's a dark void. She can't even see her own body, or feel her hands and feet. Come to think of it, she can feel something like fuzz. No, fur, covering her arms, legs, and torso...

"Wait, where the 'ell are my tits!?" She yells in a panic, fondling where her breasts should have been. She notices that it's not just that she can't feel her hands, but they're gone! Replaced by something hard and rounded. "And where the 'ell are my 'ands!?"

Suddenly, light peeks in as the telltale creaking of a door reaches her new swiveling equine ears. A fish man pokes his head into the small shed. "How did you get in here?" He asks in a gruff, gravely voice. The fish man thinks to himself for a moment, before shaking his head. "Doesn't matter, you'll fetch a fine price. Work horses are quite the luxury." The fish man says with a sinister grin, reaching just above her head within that shed.

Natalie looks herself over in the light, surprised at her new form. A pitch black coat covers the entirety of her body, save for her teal mane and tail, and a cyan circle with a diagonal line on her flank. This new ass-tattoo seems to remain perfectly shaped when she tries to displace the fur around it. The sound of clinking shackles find her ears, when she quickly realizes she's just been told she's gonna be sold into slavery.

"Oh 'ell no." She bolts out of the shed, barely avoiding the fish man carrying the chains and collar.

He reaches to grab her again, earning a swift kick to the balls. Natalie bolts away, stumbling as she goes.

Soon enough, Natalie quickly realizes that she's screwed, as the only thing she finds away from the fish man's shed is a town full of weird furries. The streets seemed to have low-steampunk type decor, and numerous cages with a variety of other animals scattered about a bunch of different stalls. What's worse, there seem to be zeppelins in the sky, marked with some weird symbol consisting of two angular blue lines.

While the furries didn't seem to be actively trying to grab her, she was on her guard. Suddenly, a giant windmill fan rolls along the roofs, containing six screaming multicolored horses. Natalie quickly realizes that they're the same race as her. She attempts to chase after them, only to be pursued by what looked like armored soldiers of some kind. Suddenly, a single soldier leaps out in front of her, leaving her no time to react as she's quickly incapacitated, the void of darkness overtaking her vision in the blink of an eye.

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Natalie groggily awakens in what looks like a large bird cage, rubbing at her eyes gently with her hooves. Before she can begin to think, she hears a door slam shut, as one of the guards leaves.

"What the... Oi! Where the FUCK AM I!?" She screams out in a mix of anger and confusion.

The day hasn't been kind to her at all, already being caught moments after just escaping sudden captivity, after just waking up in her new form. Suddenly, the door opens again, as she sees a semi-tall looking, dark reddish violet member of the same horse species enters, patiently walking towards the cage. Natalie takes note of the horse's eye scar and broken horn.

"Oh thank goodness! Are you 'ere to save me from these weird furry creatures? Diggin' the scar, by the by. You look so badass!" Natalie begins, before the slightly taller horse slams a hoof on her cage, snarling.

"I'm only gonna ask this once, where are Twilight Sparkle and her friends going?" The taller, angrier horse practically spits.

Natalie shrinks back within the cage. "W-wait, you're not 'ere to get me out? Why am I locked up? Who's Twilight?"

The tall horse growls, slamming both hooves on the front of the cage this time, her face contorted in anger. "DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME! You know FULL-WELL who Twilight Sparkle is! You must have been a straggler from the takeover of Canterlot, and the only ones to get out were Twilight, and her group of friends! NOW SPILL IT! WHERE ARE THEY HEADING!?" She punctuates by having her broken horn crackle.

"I DON'T BLOODY KNOW YOU BITCH! ALL I REMEMBER IS WAKIN' UP IN SOME FREAKY FISH GUY'S SHED, AS A BLEEDIN' 'ORSE! WHAT THE FUCK IS A CANTERLOT!? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!? WHERE THE FUCK AM I!? I. DON'T. FUCKING. KNOW!" Natalie screams in a rage, her front hooves glowing prominently, leaving scorch marks on the bottom of the cage.

The taller horse reels back at Natalie's outburst, surprised by the vitriolic foul language shot her way, especially from a pony.

"How can you not know!? All ponies come from Equestria! You're all supposed to be naive little ponies that believe in friendship and parties!" The taller mare yells, a panicked confusion showing in her expression.

"GET A DAMN CLUE YOU FUCKIN' NUMPTY! I DON'T 'AVE A GODDAMN IDEA WHAT THE BLOODY 'ELL IS EVEN GOIN' ON! ALL I KNOW IS THAT I'M IN A FUCKIN' CAGE!" Natalie continues her tirade, slamming the bars with her hooves from the inside, the sheer heat from her glowing front hooves causing the bars to bend ever so slightly.

Despite this, the cage still manages to siphon the majority of the magic it's being assaulted with, resulting in Natalie exhausting herself from expending her magic in such a reckless manner. She collapses, blacking out for the third time that day.

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Tempest gets back to her hooves, looking at the earth pony that just passed out from that intense outburst. Her mind racing with more questions than answers.

She touches the bent bars, confirming the bends. "She's strong, not many ponies could break these cages in any way, let alone with raw magic and brute force... She sounds like she has a Trotney accent, but she doesn't seem to know what Equestria is, and uses words I've never even heard another pony use before... If what she claims is true, then she also doesn't seem to know who Twilight Sparkle is..." She looks at the pony more closely. "Who are you?"

Tempest's train of thought is disturbed, as Grubber enters the room, holding a large, already bitten through slice of sponge cake. "Who's that? She doesn't look like any of the ones with that Twilight one." He says between bites.

Tempest looks at Grubber, regaining her stoic facade. "What do you mean? No other ponies managed to escape our takeover of Canterlot."

"No, no no. She's uh, black. And teal. We're after the purple and purple one with the wings and horn, the pink and pink one, the orange blondie with the hat, the blue one with the rainbows and wings, the white and purple horned one, and the yellow and pink one with wings. That one's not one of the ones we're looking for." Grubber points out, gesturing to Natalie's passed out form. "She also doesn't look like the little dragon they've got either, but that one's obvious."

"Now that I think about it, she really isn't one of Twilight's little friends..." Tempest thinks, furrowing her brow. "How would another pony manage to be in that market area at the same time as the others though? Aren't they all supposed to live in Equestria?"

"I mean, there's you. You're not with those other ponies. Maybe she's not with them either?" Grubber suggests with a shrug.

"That still doesn't make any sense... I DID come from Equestria originally, and I knew what it was, and what Canterlot was. Perhaps I should interrogate her with less shouting next time. I can't have her pass out in the middle of it like this again." Tempest concludes, heading for the door.

Suddenly, a loud boom rings out, as one of the guards rushes in. "Commander, we found her!"

Without missing a beat, Tempest sprints out of the room, Grubber trailing behind. "You won't be getting away this time, princess."

Chapter 2: And so, Null it Shall be

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Natalie slowly comes to, staring right at a grey, fuzzy little gremlin thing eating a slice of cake.

"Oh, you're awake. I was wondering when you would." He says, promptly taking another bite of cake.

"Uh... The 'ell are you supposed to be?" Natalie asks, still lying down.

"The one who's supposed to watch you for now." The gremlin says nonchalantly.

Natalie thinks for a moment. "So... what are those other ponies, wan'ed fugi'ives or somethin'?"

The gremlin nods. "Kind of, but we'll get them soon. They just kind of... keep escaping us, right before we can get them, you know? Tempest gets reeeeeaaaaaalllllyyyyy frustrated when they get away. I think this is the third time now."

Natalie sits up. "So... why am I 'ere again?"

"I... actually don't know. You got captured by mistake, I think, since you're not one of those other ponies. Buuuut, we kind of have to make sure the ponies are all captured." The gremlin explains.

"You keep saying 'ponies' and 'the ponies', like they're all one group or somethin'. But, you have a pony commander? 'Ow does that work?" Natalie asks.

"Tempest is a pony, yes. But she's also part of The Storm King's army, for a long time too. She's pretty cool, for a pony. I mean, she gave The Storm King a magic stick thing, and told him how to conquer Equestria. And then we did it. She was jumping around the battlefield, kicking petrification orbs at the princesses, and bam, Equestria's ours." The gremlin says, taking bites of his cake between sentences.

"Well, she's a right cunt then, ain't she. Sellin' out 'er entire race like that." Natalie says aloud, mostly to herself.

That's when the little gremlin got meaner. "Don't you diss Commander Tempest like that!" Then, a look of realization crosses his face. "Oh right! I'm supposed to tell her when-"

"The prisoner wakes back up." Tempest finishes, staring down at the two as she descends a nearby staircase.

"Honestly, Grubber. You're even more useless than those princesses we captured. Leave us." Tempest orders.

Grubber salutes. "Right away."

Tempest and the others quietly wait until they hear Grubber leave the room, closing the door behind himself.

"Now, where were we?" Tempest asks rhetorically, pacing around Natalie's cage. "Oh, right. About your affiliation with the other ponies. I can see that you aren't part of their little friend group. However." She halts, looking Natalie right in the eyes. "That still doesn't explain the fact that you were at the very same marketplace when the others were escaping. Or the fact that all ponies hail from Equestria, myself included, yet you claim not to."

Natalie rolls her eyes, choosing to remain silent.

Tempest sighs angrily. "Do you even have a name?"

"Pony names are weird. Commander Tempest, Twilight Sparkle, what would even be a believable pony name? Gah, think... I ended up bending those cage bars, but Bender would be too derivative... Wait, I've got one." Natalie thinks. "Null Render."

Tempest looks at the newly dubbed Null for a moment. "Well then, Null Render, get comfortable in that cage. You'll be there for a long while, unless you can give me some useful information."

"And why should I believe that? Even if I did have somethin' to tell you, you'd just keep me locked up. I'm not stupid." Null retorts.

"Maybe you are smarter than I would've given you credit for. Perhaps my questions will be answered once Twilight is finally caught." Tempest says, leaving the room.

Null lies back down, bored now that she's all alone. That quickly changes, when two soldiers bring in and start linking up what looks to be an unused cage, all opened up, to a chain on the ceiling. Once it's strung up, the soldiers bring down another hooked chain, linking Null's cage to it. Then, they leave without so much as saying a word.

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Without warning, the floor opens up beneath Null's cage, startling her from her nap. Then, the open cage drops to the ground, VERY far below. Soon, the cage lifts, containing a very purple pony with both wings, and a horn.

Null hears a very distressed voice call out "TWILIGHT!" from the ground, having come from a small purple and green dragon.

As abruptly as it had opened, the floor closes back up, both Null and Twilight's cages lowering back to the floor with a thud. Twilight tries in vain to blast the bars of the cage with her magic, each small burst fizzling powerlessly against the bars.

"Let me guess, you're that Twilight Sparkle these twats are after?" Null asks.

A VERY shocked Twilight looks at her, completely floored that a pony would use such a naughty word.

"I'll take that as a 'yes' then." Null sighs.

"Y-yes, I am. But, who are you?" Twilight asks.

"Hmm, so you really don't know each-other." Tempest says, approaching the caged ponies.

Twilight turns her attention to Tempest. "Why? Why are you doing this? You're a pony, just like me!"

As Tempest slams against Twilight's cage, something in Null's mind clicks. "Wait a minute. Pony..." She glances at the mark on Twilight's rear, then to her own. "And we 'ave tattoos on our arses... Bloody 'ell I'm in some kinda My Little Pony world. Where they're like, caged up 'n shit. Slavery... 'ow fun. And I'm pitch-black. Ain't that a funny allegory or somethin'."

Null watches on as Tempest performs her musical number. "The edge of this bitch. She's even got a Tragic Backstory™."

When they're brought up to the deck of the ship, the occupied Canterlot is in full view. The smoke billowing from the once majestic city, now a sorry sight to behold as ponies are moved along the street in chains, others caged up and being hauled onto more zeppelins.

"Face it, princess. Friendship failed you." Tempest says somewhat softly.

"No... I failed friendship..." Twilight laments.

"Well THAT'S depressin'." Null quips, drawing the attention of both Tempest and Twilight, both of whom seem equally annoyed. "Am I wrong? Seriously, this whole situation's right fucked."

The foul language causes Twilight to visibly cringe, and even Tempest seems a little taken aback at just how readily this pony swears. Even those within the Storm King's ranks don't swear nearly as often.

Tempest quickly regains her composure, stepping closer. "That's why it's an invasion, sweetheart. It's not supposed to be fun, you're all going to serve under the Storm King."

"After you sold out your entire race to 'im, you bleedin' cunt." Null glowers. Just as before, this earns Tempest's ire, the taller pony stomping her way closer to Null. "For what, money? Power? What's to stop 'im from enslaving you along with us?"

"Because if he were going to, he would have already. He's not exactly... patient." Tempest says, remembering how foal-ish the Storm King can be at times.

"Keep tellin' yourself that love, but the moment I'm outta this cage, I'll show you what for, you dusty bitch." Null says, sitting on her hinds while motioning her forelegs and front hooves in a fisticuffs motion. "Tempest Shadow-boxing right on ya."

Tempest rolls her eyes. "I don't have time for your games. Why don't you keep Princess Twilight company." She says, walking back towards the door.

"Oooh, I bet you'd love to see that. Definitely gettin' a closeted lady lover vibe from you." Null says, Tempest turning her head back towards the offensive pony, only to see that she's mostly around and pointing her rear in the air, making an obnoxiously lewd face. "Awwh yeah, you wanna just ravage this sexy little pony don't'cha, let's gay it up miss tall dark and brooding." Null says, wiggling her rump.

Tempest's face gains a new shade of red, coupled with a mix of anger and confusion, before the flustered commander leaves in a hurry.

Once Tempest is gone, Twilight clears her throat. "E-excuse me. Umm... Why do you have to curse so much? And do... that. Please don't do that again." Twilight asks.

Null groans. "I dunno, it's kinda... just how I talk, swearin's like breathin', it just comes out whenever." Null says with a shrug. "By the by, I noticed somethin' weird." She says, tapping on the cage bars, the engraved marking on her front hooves more apparent to Twilight now. "When I got real angry before, I started slammin' around the cage, and my 'ooves were glowin'. And I saw both yours and Tempest's horns glow... Do all ponies have glowy bits somewhere on 'em?"

Twilight starts to look a little excited, compared to her misery just a few moments prior. "Your hooves glowed? I've never heard of that happening before, can you show me?" The princess of magic asks, the curiosity distracting her from her depression for the moment.

Null looks down at her hoof. "I can try... lemme see..." She juts her hoof out... nothing. She juts it out again. "Hyah!" Once again, nothing. Then, she tries waving it around in a slow, weird way. "Come on... come on come on come onnnnnn..." And now she's waving them both around wildly. "Abracadabra, alakazam, open sesame, bibbity boppity boo, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, go hoof go, penis, skidaddle skadoodle, Blue skadoo we can too, hoobadooba, za warudo, SOMETHING!? ANYTHING!?" At this point, Null is getting increasingly more frustrated, which seems to actually be working now. However, she's too angered to notice, hitting her glowing forehooves against the cage's bars with her eyes clenched shut. "RRRRAAAAAAAAA!"

Twilight takes notice of the oddity, reaching a hoof out. She was about to shout for Null to stop, but the bars of the cage she's beating against are actually beginning to creak as they bend. As soon as Null snaps the bars open, the loud noise snaps her out of her rage, causing her to sit there with a sheepish grin. "Uhh... tadaa..."

Twilight attempts to usher Null on, waving a foreleg forward. "Go on, get out of here! Go get help!"

The second Null's right forehoof steps down, she winces, pulling it back with a small yelp. Holding her forehooves up, she notices the smoke, seems whatever that power was had been burning her. Blowing on her hooves for a quick second, she then slips out of her cage, briskly walking over to Twilight's. "But I can free you."

"No time, I'll be fine. Besides, Tempest wants me, she'll go after both of us if you break me out." Twilight says, putting a hoof to Null's chest. "Please, it's our best chance."

Null looks down. She doesn't really know Twilight, but part of her feels terrible at the thought of leaving her behind in that cage. Nevertheless, Twilight's logic wins out. Null steps back, giving her a nod. "Alright, I'll be back for you though." Null says, starting her run across the deck, spotting a loose cloth. That's when she gets an idea. Wiggling her short snout underneath the cloth, she takes a moment to drape it over her back. Carefully making her way to the edge, she uses her hooves to... grab the cloth, realizing just how asinine her idea really was, especially from this height.

She doesn't get to mull it over much longer, as Grubber comes up from the deck. The little gremlin drops his sponge cake, running towards Null. "Hey! W-wait, what are you doing!?"

Null takes the plunge, still managing to grip the cloth somehow. However, she only has it from the two front corners, the rest of it lifting off her back as she falls, decidedly without style. She clenches her eyes shut once more, the scared pony's hooves beginning to glow again. "Stupid stupid stupid! Why did I think that would work!? Am I still residually drunk or something!? Why did I think any old cloth would work like a parachute!? I wish I had a parachute right now!"

That's when Null's descent begins to slow, something confusing her enough to open her eyes again. And in her hooves are strings, made from the cloth's material, the majority of the cloth itself forming the parachute. Looking down to her belly, more of it seems to be roped around her barrel. In her panic, she somehow altered the cloth into a makeshift parachute.

As Null sails down towards Canterlot, one thought crosses her mind. "'Ow the fuck did I get myself into all this?"

Author's Note

Finally getting this ball rolling after actual years of wanting to do so. What sort of adventures await our vulgar enigma?