The Space Between Failing and Failure
Spike crept passed Twilight’s room, trying desperately not to wake her. His claw steps created small ripples through the carpet that seemed to belt out at a thousand decibels. His ears, which were extra sensitive due to sheer nervousness, heard every single movement reverberate a million times over. His head spun, and the carpet itself seemed to scold him. Everywhere he looked, he saw Twilight’s disappointed and angry face in the soft material. It brought him no comfort, as he imagined a giant apparition of his good friend chasing him through the halls of their home. Ugh! Why can’t I just let this go? The dragon asked himself, I mean, it’s just Rarity…right? Twilight wouldn’t get too angry if she found out we were dating, would she?
“I want some answers,” a bitter voice sounded behind him, “and I want them now.”
Spike turned and beheld a sight which he never hoped to see. There stood Twilight with her wings fully spread. Her expression was difficult to make out in the darkness, but he could definitely tell that it was her. Then, she lit a small light and her face could be viewed quite clearly. Her deeply furrowed eyebrows, lashing purple eyes, and disappointed frown told the entire story. Spike knew that she thought he had done something terribly wrong, but he also knew that his love for Rarity would never die. It could not be snuffed out, not even by Princess Celestia herself.
“Why have you been sneaking in so late?” Twilight asked, breaking her stone face for a moment.
“Because…because…” Spike sighed, and then went for it, “…because I’ve been dating Rarity. I didn’t think you would approve, so to spare your feelings, I just never told you.”
“Spare my feelings?!” Twilight raged, “how could you, Spike?! How could you lie to me?! I’m your friend, and friends don’t lie!”
“But you were also the main force that was trying to quell my romantic feelings for Rarity!”
Twilight ground her teeth together and spat at the dragon. “I never did that! Not once did I ever do such a thing!”
Spike spat right back at her hooves. “Yes, you did! You set curfews for me, and you don’t allow me to be alone with Rarity! You throw so many chores on my shoulders, that I don’t know where to begin, and it takes me all day! You’ve done these things deliberately, Twilight, and I know why. It’s because you don’t care about me and you don’t want me to be happy!”
“That’s nonsense, and you know it, Spike!” Twilight roared.
The fact that Twilight had used such harsh language startled the young dragon, but he bravely stood his ground. His spines straightened instinctively, and he began snorting smoke. His anger was at its highest level. In fact, he was so undeniably inflamed with red hot fury that he actually began to hate his beloved Twilight. His heart turned against her, because it seemed her own had done the same to him.
“YOU’RE NOTHING TO ME, TWILIGHT!” Spike screamed, “WE’RE NO LONGER FRIENDS! YOU AREN’T MY MISTRESS, AND I’M NOT YOUR SLAVE! YOU CAN DO YOUR OWN DISHES, WRITE YOUR OWN LETTERS, AND DO YOUR OWN LAUNDRY! WE’RE DONE!”
“WELL, THAT’S FINE WITH ME!” Twilight thundered back, “YOU CAN GO LIVE WITH YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE FASHIONISTA! I’M SURE SHE NEEDS YOU A HELL OF A LOT MORE THAN I EVER DID! YOU WERE ALWAYS WORTHLESS TO ME, YOU HEAR THAT, DRAGON?! WORTHLESS!”
Spike’s eyes welled up with tears as Twilight’s vicious words found their mark. It was as if life had shot him with multiple arrows of misfortune. He saw the blood of their dead friendship piercing the carpet below him, and he said nothing more. He knew that it was over between them, and that nothing he said would ever repair what had been broken so badly. So, he quietly brushed past his former friend and went to pack his things.
Twilight realized that what she had said had been said out of emotion instead of caring thought, and she turned to apologize profusely. She knew that she needed Spike in her life. She couldn’t go on without him. But when she turned, there was nopony there. The dragon had left her, and all she could do was cry. The tears burned her eyes like the most dreadful of fires, and she galloped to her room and threw herself on her bed. Soon enough, a mound of tissues formed next to her as she poured her sorrow out.
“Oh, Spike…” she choked out, “…how could I have been so heartless and cruel? I’m a failure as The Princess of Friendship! I try and spread that wonder throughout our land, yet I don’t practice what I preach. How can I be worthy of my title if I’m not willing to show it to you?”
She suddenly sat up and floated some pictures over to where she was. They showed her and Spike on some of their adventures, and the two looked extremely happy in every shot. From Neighagra Falls to Manehattan, from Canterlot to Ponyville, every step of this journey had been taken with him. Now that he was gone, she felt she couldn’t go on. “Tomorrow,” she said aloud, “I’m gonna call Luna and Celestia here…and resign as Princess of Friendship.”
“Resign?!” Celestia asked, “but whatever for, Twilight?! You’re doing so well at your job!”
The ruling sisters sat across the castle library from the distraught purple pony, who had her wings folded in shame. In her letter, she had purposely not explained why she was calling on them. She believed it would be best for everypony if she were to explain things herself. But now, when faced with the two mares who held the fates of everypony in their hooves, she found her nerves sorely lacking. Her eyes were red from weeping all night, and her mane was disheveled. The various strands of hair fell over her eyes, but she did nothing to stop them.
“No, I’m not,” Twilight said ashamedly, “I’m such a failure, Celestia! I need to return to being a normal pony, and then I shall be moving to someplace far away. Only then will I be able to forgive myself for committing such a crime against my principles.”
The sisters gave her an odd look. “What crime, my Twilight?” Luna asked compassionately.
Twilight broke into tears. “Oh…Spike and I had a horrible fight last night because he came in late again! We screamed at each other, and I swear, I was about to strike him! I would have bruised and beaten my friend because of something so small! I’m an awful Princess of Friendship, and so I hereby resign my position in shame and I admit that I’ve failed this test. I’m a failure…I’m…nothing.”
Celestia and Luna both gave Twilight a sympathetic look, and the Princess of the Day rose and put a loving hoof on her shoulder. “Twilight, listen. What you did was wrong…VERY wrong. It’s not proper for anypony to fight, much less The Princess of Friendship. I understand why you wish to give up your title. You feel you have failed the ponies of Equestria because you had a small tiff with Spike.”
“Small tiff? No, Princess, this was more than arguing over spilled apples.”
“It sounds to me like that was exactly what it was,” Luna said as she rose from her seat, “I know that Celestia often speaks with you in private whenever you need advice or comfort. But in this case, I believe I should talk to you. Is that okay with you, Celestia?”
“Of course, my dear sister,” Celestia said. She couldn’t hold back the fact that she was a little surprised at Luna’s voluntary words. She didn’t think her sister was the type to give advice, unless it came in the form of a dream. But she stepped aside and allowed Luna and Twilight to head into the hall. I just hope she knows what to say, she thought as the door closed behind them.
“Listen, Twilight,” Luna said as she sat on the carpet in front of her fellow princess, “you cannot resign your position. Equestria is in dire need of your leadership. Every princess has her own part to play, and you play yours brilliantly.”
“I think you mean to say that I play mine with an indignant heart and a foolish mind.”
Luna smiled and shook her head. “Nope,” she said, “you play yours with a compassionate heart and a wise mind. Look, everypony makes mistakes and everypony experiences a misstep in life. I speak from experience when I say that there is a large gap between failing and being a failure. I failed my sister and all of Equestria when I allowed envy to overtake my heart and turn me into Nightmare Moon. But Celestia has never labeled me a failure because of it. Twilight, you are no failure.”
Twilight looked away. She wanted to believe Luna’s kind words, but something was holding her back. It was as if a dam had suddenly been built in her heart, and it would only allow those emotions through that would satisfy her self-fulfilling prophecy. Her theories and postulates about failure were being propped up by these boulders of sadness and humiliation. She couldn’t figure out what to do, but she had to admit that the twinkle in Luna’s eyes comforted her somewhat.
Her mouth shook as she spoke. “I…don’t know what to do, Luna. I can’t apologize for this! Spike would never accept it!”
Luna put a hoof on Twilight’s chin and slowly lifted her head until their eyes met. “If he truly is your friend, then he will understand; and if you truly are his friend, then you will accept his own apology.”
Suddenly, a new presence entered the hallway. Twilight looked behind Luna and saw Spike standing there with his face down. Her heart warmed at the sight of her friend, and she knew she wanted him back. But all the same, the harsh words of the previous evening chained her hooves to heavy weights. She found it difficult to take the steps necessary to close the gap between them, both physically and mentally. But she finally made it to where he was standing, and she looked him in the eyes.
“Spike…” she said as more tears came, “…I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything I said last night. Please…don’t go. I need you more than anything. I wouldn’t know what to do without you! Please, stay with me. You can date Rarity as much as you want, and I won’t try and stop you. I was just worried about you being out so late.”
Spike suddenly threw his small arms around Twilight. “Oh, Twilight,” he said as he sobbed into her shoulder, “I’m sorry, too! I never meant for any of this to happen! I just got so stressed out with everything, and I took it out on you! Of course, I’ll stay…if you’ll have me.”
The reunited friends shared a very long embrace. Even though it had only been twelve hours, it felt as if it had been a lifetime. Luna smiled as she watched the true power of friendship weave its magic once again, and she felt somepony come up and nuzzle her flank. “Kinda reminds you of another reunion, doesn’t it?” Celestia asked as she gently cuddled next to Luna.
“Yes, it does, my beloved sister,” Luna said, “yes, it does.”
