Something Sweet To Bite: Candy Mare Goes to Hell

The Candy Mare was getting bored.

So far, she had gone along with this journey out of something approaching morbid curiosity. Now that things had settled down, however, the mad mare's mind was turning and she was starting to think that perhaps she should not have agreed so readily to this little 'tour'.

“So where is it, exactly, that we're going?”

"To where and back again, if we are fortunate." replied Lemon Drop dismissively, seemingly unwilling to divulge any further details.

"Yeah, that's not going to cut it." replied the Candy Mare with a predatory smile. "I may not be able to kill you again, but I have a feeling you'll be extremely inconvenienced if I were to say, push you into what passes for water around here. Tell me a story, and make it a good one, before I decide to relieve myself of your company for good."

Lemon Drop sighed heavily, shaking his head, but the candified fiend's threat did seem to have done the trick of loosening his lips. “You are to be granted the honor of an audience with the master of Hell. I believe I may have mentioned something to that effect at the outset of our little journey.”

“Yeah, ya did. It was just as cryptic then as it is now.” replied the sugarcoated pony with a sour scowl. “I get it, this is some plain of eternal suffering where all the most insufferable pricks go to pay for a lifetime of being the assholes they are. Super. Do we really have to compound that with your sad attempts to make yourself seem more important than you clearly are? The only difference I can see between you and the rest of the wretches that have been condemned to this place is that you're acting as an over glorified delivery boy.”

That drew a cynical chuckle from the ghostly unicorn. “Make no mistake my dear, just because the master wishes to see you that does not mean you are of any more import than I. It's purely for the satisfaction of seeing just what the master might do to you that I accepted the role of your chaperone. Having the opportunity to guide you to your 'eternal reward' is just icing on the cake."

“Hmm, yeah, I don’t really buy that.” replied the Candy Mare. “This doesn’t strike me as the kind of place where you have a whole lot of choice in what you get to do. Besides, what happened to that whole bit where you were responsible for me? Where our fates were intertwined?”

The sour expression Lemon Drop gave her then, almost made the trip to Hell worth it.

“Oh, maybe you thought I wasn’t paying attention to that?” giggled the mad mare. “I may still look like a filly from time to time but, make no mistake, I’m not a child. Whatever happens to me is likely going to happen to you too, isn’t it? That’s why you're really here. Out to save your own skin, or soul, as the case may be. What a clever trap.”

“You think you have it all worked out, eh?” replied the unicorn bitterly, turning away to gaze at the horizon.

“Oh, not all.” the Candy Mare admitted. “I’d still like to know precisely where we are going, for example. You've been a pretty lousy tour guide, but from the way you casually name dropped this giant's name as well as how you seem to already be mentally prepared for the various 'rules' we've encountered thus far, I think your lack of explanation is fueled by spite rather than ignorance. instead of your usual nebulous replies of how we’re ‘off to see the wizard’, why don't you try giving me a straight answer for once?”

That seemed to give Lemon Drop pause for thought. At first she still didn't think he would answer, but then he made his way toward what would have been the prow, if it had been a real ship they were sailing on.

“You can see it for yourself by now I think.”

They had been traveling for some time, but the horizon had looked the same smoky black in every direction.

Not anymore.

In the distance buildings suddenly began to resolve themselves out of the haze, occupying the view from one end of the horizon to the other. The towers rose high, piercing the smoke that choked the sky, windows and balconies giving off a sinister glow in the murky gloom. As they drew nearer, however, the skyline began to brighten as though it were lit from below. The effect was caused by the foremost edge of the city, which seemed to be completely engulfed in flames!

As they drew closer, they could see smaller structures caught in the conflagration, though the rest of the buildings seemed untouched by the raging fire.

“Behold the City of Dis!” Lemon Drop grimly intoned, taking on the air of a disinterested lecturer. “Dismay, disappointment, disgust, and discontent. Ultimately, a city of discipline as well, or what passes for it around here.”

“If you don’t stop it with the puns, I’ll disembowl you!” chirped the Candy Mare with a nasty sideways grin. "Is what I would like to say. I might not be able to act on that just yet, but I assure you that as soon as I am able..."

“Promises, promises...” dismissed the former candy maker. “They say once upon a time this was a golden city, whose beauty rivaled that of even the most breathtaking realms of paradise. Pandæmonium it was called then, the home of all demons, though with the many wars that have ravaged this realm, both the city and its denizens have fallen into the ruin you see before you.”

“So this is the home base of the head honcho, huh?” observed the candy corpse with a low whistle.

“Not quite, though we must pass through it to reach the master's abode.” there was something like worry creeping into his voice. “What you need to understand is that the city is not something set apart from Hell. The realms we’ve marched through thus far were just the outer rings of the great pit. In the living world perhaps you heard the saying that Hell is other people? To a degree, that applies mostly to the outer rings. The shades condemned there are largely those of sinners who by their very nature punish themselves and those around them. The rules written in place for those circles are merely there to amplify their natural tendencies. The circles within the city, however, are where true punishment takes place.”

They were near enough now that the low buildings at the shoreline were coming into view. Cries of pain, high and shrieking, rose from behind barred doors in what appeared to be stone mausoleums. Each edifice burned with a fierce and never ending flame from within, but despite this the Candy Mare could see charred limbs reaching through the bars as those trapped within tried desperately to claw their way out of their fiery tombs. They shook and rattled the bars across the doors and windows, but there was no escape for the damned who were consigned within.

“Charming...” muttered the Candy Mare, the heat of the flames even from this distance causing her to take a few steps back.

“What you see is the punishment reserved for no crime other than heretical thought.” explained her companion, seeming to finally warm to the role of tour guide of Hell. “Beliefs that did not fit the norm of the time and place these sorry souls happened to be born in. But as you can see the hatred that our demonic hosts hold for mortals is such that even the slightest misdeed is one due what we might consider unjustly harsh reprisal. Keep in mind that you and I are not immune to being punished thusly if we run afoul of the wrong demon within. The further we travel into the city, the more numerous and deadly dangers there will be to avoid. It’s imperative that you do not stray from my side once we reach port. The city is a dangerous place... Far more dangerous than the castle town you ventured to as a child...”

“You're thinking of Pumpkin Patch.” corrected the Candy Mare, in a moment of clarity. “Not me. I was born in that castle town, if you’ll recall. I think I’ll be just fine here.”

“Think what you like, but heed my warning all the same.” entreated Lemon Drop. “There are worse things that dwell in this city than you or I."

The monstrous mare scoffed. "Ha! And I bet you’d just hate to lose me to one of them before you have the chance to present my head on a silver platter, wouldn’t you? Very well. Lead on MacDuff.”

Once they arrived at their berth, just a few yards away from the wall of flames, the crown began to ascend into the air as the giant demon below rose from the river of struggling souls. As Phlegyas reached the edge of the city he took hold of his charges with one massive hand and placed them on a rooftop that was semi-hidden by the smoke that drifted from below. Without so much as a word of acknowledgment or parting, the colossus turned and immediately began the long journey back the way he had come.

Was he off to collect some other travelers or simply to lose himself in the tide of angry sinners? Who could say?

"He was a nice enough guy, in the end." remarked the Candy Mare. "Kind of chatty though."

Lemon Drop gave a noncommittal grunt of acknowledgement, his attention elsewhere.

As soon as their hooves had touched solid ground the unicorn had grown noticeably tense and watchful. His eyes darted from shadow to shadow as they danced with the shifting light of the flames, and the Candy Mare could see that the fine hairs on the back of his neck were standing on end.

"Something wrong, sourpuss?" asked the mad mare nonchalantly.

"Perhaps...” remarked the wraith warily.

They weren't alone.

Melting out of the shadows there slithered strange and nightmarish creatures. They came from every corner of the rooftop, surrounding the newcomers in a ring of abominations.

Some were pony-like, though they looked as if their skin had been flayed from their bones and only partially replaced with leather and jagged spikes of twisted metal trimmed with lace. Others were more primal, beast-like, rising up on two legs briefly to sniff the hellish breeze as a bear might before they turned their eyeless, horned heads in the pair of ponies direction. Most of the rest were harder to describe. There were creatures with mouths for eyes and eyes for teeth, strange staticy shapes that crackled and hissed just on the edge of perception, and piles of slithering slimy entrails that whistled and hooted shrilly as long tongues bubbled to the surfaces of their being to dart out and taste the air. It was a chaotic hodgepodge bizarre enough to fascinate even the Candy Mare, and each and every last one of them oozed an air of breath-taking maleficence.

It would seem that this was just a small cross section of the demonic entities that called the outer rim of the City of Dis their home.

One of their number, a tall pale pony-thing, separated itself from the others. It had scraggly black hair that seemed like it was somehow composed of rusty blades knit together with bone and sinew that drug on the ground as it came slowly forward. It glided gracefully, like a knife sliding delicately across the throat of a lover, hips swaying hypnotically back and forth. If it were not so obviously unnatural and full of malice, its movements would have almost been seductive. The pupils of its four crimson eyes dilated wide as it bared its needlepoint teeth in a wide crooked smile.

All of its eyes were focused on Lemon Drop, as she seemed to recognize him.

"Well, well, well... Look who it is!" the demoness hissed in a feminine voice, though it came out as a low wet warble, as if she were speaking through a wad of half-chewed meat. Given the amount of blood that dribbled from the creatures lipless maw, perhaps that was indeed the case? "Did you miss your mistresses ministrations so much little murderer? Perhaps you longed to see our smiling face again? Do you wish to once more feel our tender caress? Have you come to me willingly, so that I might embrace you once more?"

She wrapped her forelimbs around herself and moaned suggestively, causing the dull and pitted blades embedded in her body to slice and snip through the air and over her own raw flesh, illustrating succinctly exactly what being held by her would entail.

"We aren't here to trouble you, daughter of Thrace-" Lemon Drop nervously began.

"Oh it's no trouble handsome, believe me!" tittered the hellspawn as she returned all four hooves to the roof, her laughter like the whine of a rusty bandsaw. "We've kept the vessels of consecrated blood boiling nice and hot, just like you like it! Care for a nostalgic dip in our stew pot? I'm sure the other murderous souls would love to catch up with you!"

The she-demon's words seemed to have a profound impact on the unicorn. Usually so stoic and unshakable, Lemon Drop was now frozen with fear, his pupils shrunk to pinpricks. The Candy Mare had only seen him like this once before, right before she herself had ripped out his still beating heart. Seeing him like this, her one time tormentor quaking like a terrified little colt, should have filled her with delight. Even if it were someone else cracking that frosty exterior to expose the coward within, she should have relished every second of his terror.

It should have made her day.

Instead, for some unaccountable reason, it was incredibly irritating.

"Oh, I see!" the candy coated corpse piped up, with a giggle and grin of her own. "You must be the welcoming committee! Well I must say, it's about time! Here I've been in your shit-stain of a city for all of five seconds and I've yet to be accosted by some low-life, bottom feeding scum like you! I was beginning to feel a little left out considering all of the attention everyone else has been getting. Why, I was even feeling a little insulted that the local skanks and slimeballs weren't crawling out from beneath their rocks to greet me. Good to see that isn't the case anymore."

The hellspawn sniffed, her smile faltering. "Who's your cocky little friend, Lemon Drip? She has quite the mouth on her."

"Lemon Drip! Oh that's funny!" a bark of fake laughter leapt from the Candy Mare's mouth. "I had no idea you demons were supposed to be funny! I guess it must come from failing so miserably at being the least bit intimidating or scary. From the pathetic look of you lot, I have a feeling you're far better at coaxing laughter from your victims than screams. Oh, maybe one or two lost souls will give you poor fools a little pity scream now and then, to keep up appearances. But I seriously doubt you hodgepodge creatures could strike fear into the hearts of much more than a baby bunny rabbit.”

One of the more savage looking demons came forward, snarling. Six horns sprouted from its head and they scraped the ground sending up sparks as its low eyeless face turned in the Candy Mare's direction. In a deep voice that resonated inside the chest cavity of everyone present, it murmured. "Murderess... This one reeks of the blood of innocents, of the guilty, and of everything in-between. She is ripe for the cook pot! This morsel is ours for the claiming."

"Oh Lemon Drop! So you've brought us a new little toy!” chortled the demoness, losing interest in the unicorn as she turned her crimson stare on the Candy Mare. "A gift, maybe, to buy yourself more time in our welcoming arms and away from your well deserved punishment? As a reward, perhaps you can watch us lower her into the blood vats with your old friends, before we relive old times. Maybe we'll even serve you up on the same platter when you're both done parboiling! What a feast that will be for me and mine! Then we can do it all again tomorrow! And the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that. Won't that just be scrumptious!?”

"Oh, I don't think so sweetie..." That got a burst of genuine giggles from the Candy Mare. " I know I look like a sugary sweet snack, but this candy bites back! If anypony is going to be eating anypony at the end of the day, it'll be me sampling your sweetmeats, sister.”

For a moment all of the gathered demons fell silent. Then each and everyone burst forth in an avalanche of laughter! Wild gales of mirth exploded all around them; low and guttural, high and piercing, from the most brutal beast to the most ethereal entity, they all doubled over in waves of hilarity.

"A sinner thinks she's going to eat us!" the she-demon cackled loudest of all, her metallic voice rising above all the others as bloody tears of glee drizzled from her eyes. "Oh, that's even better than when that idiotic clown got sent down here and tried to control our minds with his ugly helmets!"

"We can't hurt them!" whispered Lemon Drop urgently through clenched teeth. He slowly backed away to the edge of the roof. "No mortal soul can even touch them unless they allow it!"

"That would have been good to know before you started catching up with your old girlfriend!" the Candy Mare hissed back, joining him in his slow retreat as the demons closed in around them.

"That's enough of that." came a gruff, exasperated voice. "No one is going to be eating anyone today. At least not those two. Not yet, anyways."

The speaker was small compared to all but the littlest demons, hunched over and clothed in a tattered black cloak. Two long black horns curled from beneath the robed figures hood, and a pair of crimson eyes burned deep in their shadowed depths.

As the newcomers hooves scraped across the stone roof, the change in the demons demeanor was immediate. They cleared a path for him, cowering back from his mere presence. The only one of the nightmarish creatures who stood their ground was Lemon Drop's acquaintance, the blood dripping demoness. She whipped around, seemingly ready to defend her claim, but instead her eyes grew wide with shock.

"Lord Grogar!" The hellpsawn stumbled over herself to bow low, dragging her greasy main in the dirt in her haste, all of her grace and put-on seductiveness forgotten. "We had no idea these souls were in your care!"

A black light edged in a sulfurous yellow glow engulfed Grogar's curling horns briefly before a wave of similarly colored magic enveloped the she-demon. As she writhed and howled on the ground, the sorcerers flames eating away at her immortal flesh, the evil goat loomed menacingly over her shriveling form.

"Emperor Grogar!" he boomed, thunder in his voice and lightning in his eyes as his hoof came cracking down on the roof so hard that the entire building shook. "Emperor! I am no lowly Lordling. Perhaps you will remember that the next time you incarnate, mewling cur!"

As he said this, the last remnants of the demoness charred husk crumbled with a puff of greasy smoke. There was not so much as a speck of ash left behind, only scorch marks where she had burned and a few smudges of blood.

Lemon Drop was next to grovel, genuflecting at the hooves of the sorcerous old goat as if before his one true savior. “Thank you, oh magnificent Emperor! Your intervention is welcome and most timely.”

Grogar sneered down at the sniveling stallion. “Don't thank me, cretin! I am only here because the master is tired of waiting for you. I was sent me to make sure you did not tarry, or lose yourself in the wanton embrace of some she-demon here in Pandemonia.” He snorted, turning his back to the pair of ponies, and began to walk away. “The master’s patience can only be stretched so thin. Come, I am to speed your journey to Malebolge.”

“Yes, of course, right away!” croaked the chastised unicorn, quickly rising to his hooves. “Please lead on, mighty Emperor Grogar.”

“Sure, why not...” muttered the Candy Mare, eyeing the faint after image burned into the rooftop where the demoness had so recently expired. Grogar, huh? “We’ve come this far, why not go on a little further.“

Sticking out her long black and orange striped tongue and pulling down the flesh beneath one eye with her hoof , The Candy Mare was wholly unable to resist making the childishly gesture at the cowering demons that now hid in the shadows, cowed by Grogar's mere presence. They glared at her, but none were brave enough, or stupid enough to rise to the bait and attack someone under the Father of Monsters care.

It would be interesting to see how long that would last...