Thankful in Both Mind and Heart

by Kyubiki_Tenchu

Rating: everyone
Tags: Starlight Glimmer, Slice of Life, Sad, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 4522

Starlight has helped her friends as Equestria was safe. However, looming thoughts have made her doubt their victory was assured. A talk with a friend, who shares similar worries may be the answer the two need.

The battle for Equestria was over and side of good was victorious. With the union of all creatures from Equestria, the united forces were able to stop Tirek, Queen Chrysalis and Cozy Glow. All was good in Equestria, but for some, things still didn't feel quite right. Starlight Glimmer, after all she has gone through, feels conflicted on what had transpired. Constantly reliving her nightmares of that battle, she turns to the one pony, who goes through similar struggles of his own. A heart to heart talk could very much ease the pain that has clouded their minds.

A one-shot for MLP Forums National Pony Writing Month. This story takes place between the events of The Ending of the End Part 2 and The Last Problem.

Cover art by LordValtasar on Deviantart.

Published 2019-12-03 02:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-12-03 02:00:01 UTC

Chapter 1

"Starlight, star bright. Where's the pony I want to fight?!" A small ruffle.

"Ah. Just the headmare I want to see." A slight shift in movement.

"Wrong. I can hurt you!" A sharp inhale of breath.

"Stay still so I can blast you!" A slight shift in turning.

"Ugh! You'll pay for that!" A complete turn in the other direction.

"Now I'll have all eternity to take my revenge out on you!"

As they were being picked up and hauled away, the creature had quickly sat up and shouted in fright. That creature was a pale, light grayish heliotrope furred unicorn mare. That mare, was none other than Starlight Glimmer. She began to hyperventilate as the nightmare was still fresh in her mind. Starlight soon began to take deep, even breaths to try and get both her mind and her heart under control. She began to look around the darkened room, while taking notice that her blanket was wrapped around her like a cocoon. She quickly untangled herself from her blanket, before shaking her head to have her mane not become so dissolved. Taking one more deep breath, she sighed, before groaning and looking up at the ceiling of her room. "The same dream again." She spoke to nobody in the room, but herself.

It's been a few weeks since she had been having that very same dream. In that time, every creature in Equestria had banded together to stop what could be considered an unstoppable force. The villains, Tirek, Cozy Glow and Queen Chrysalis, had used the magic of Grogar's bell to reign chaos and disharmony upon Equestria. All hope had seemed lost as each villain took down any and all opposition that stood before them. It was thanks to every creature that joined in the fight, that Twilight, Spike, the mane 6 and every creature, that Equestria was safe from destruction. Not only that, but Twilight and Spike had finally finished packing their belongings. Leaving the Castle of Friendship behind to head to Canterlot. As Princess Celestia and Princess Luna had stepped down from their rule, it was now in Twilight's hooves as the new ruler of Equestria.

That still didn't explain why Starlight was having these nightmares ever since that day. They had defeated the villains and peace had been restored. She tried to rack her brain for any sort of explanation. Only for her to not think of a single reason as to why these nightmares were reoccurring. There would be times that the dreams would be the same events over and over. Other times, a different kind of event would happen, but the results were always the same. With a groan, Starlight laid her head back down on the pillow and tried to close her eyes. In hopes of being able to sleep once more. However, try as she might, Starlight was unable to fall back to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she would see Chrysalis's sinister smile and gaze piercing into her soul.

Seeing how sleeping was out of the question, Starlight sat back up and looked over towards her window. Through the glass, the moon was high in the sky. Accompanying it were stars that shimmered in the night. Without a second though, Starlight got out of her bed and made her way towards the door. She decided to go for a little walk, in hopes of being able to figure things out. As she made her way through the hallways, Starlight was accompanied by the echo that reverberated with each step she took. With each step she took, Starlight was constantly reminded that she was on her own. Twilight and Spike didn't live in this castle anymore, so the Castle of Friendship had technically belonged to her. It had been her home to stay at after Twilight had helped her to see another way. Sunburst and Trixie had made their stay here, but they were in some other room of the castle.

After carefully and quietly opening the front doors, Starlight had made her way down the steps to begin walking down the path towards town. She had considered stopping by Sugarcube Corner for a late night snack, but she figured that Pinkie Pie, along with the Cake family would be sound asleep. With it being the middle of the night, there wouldn't be much to do in what could only be described as a ghost town. As she continued to make her way towards town, Starlight stopped as she had thought she had seen a figure off in the distance. She blinked a couple times to make sure that she wasn't seeing things. Upon seeing that someone was outside this late at night, she started to make her way over towards the figure. Question upon question began to form in their mind. Who was the creature? Why were they out here so late at night?

It took a bit of time, but Starlight eventually made it over towards the figure's location. A small, yet wide hilltop of an open field. One that had grass that stretched out far and wide. The figure, who was sitting, had their back turned in front of Starlight. Upon closer inspection, Starlight was slightly surprised as she had recognized the creature. "D-Dynamo?" Hearing his name, the creature, now known as Dynamo, had turned towards the source of the voice. The blue unicorn, Dynamo Pad, had long, blue and black mane. A short blue and black tail, amber/orange eyes, a curved unicorn horn and a video game controller for a cutie mark. "Oh, Starlight!" He smiled, standing up slightly to walk towards her. "What are you doing out here?" Starlight smiled, shaking her head as she met him halfway. "I should be asking you the same thing. How long have you been out here for?"

Dynamo closed his eyes as he tried to think on Starlight's question. "Hmm...I'd say for a little while. I haven't been able to sleep, to be honest. So, I thought a walk around town would help me to become tired. As I walked, I saw the moon and thought it would be better to go stargazing. Too bad I forgot my telescope." He grinned, causing Starlight to giggle softly. "I guess great minds think alike. I was having trouble sleeping, myself. So, I thought a walk would be able to clear my mind. I thought about going to Sugarcube Corner, until I saw you."

"That's both interesting and unexpected. It seems we both have something on our minds. Would you like to talk about it? Come on. Let's take a seat." As he lead her over to where he had previously been sitting, Starlight began to panic slightly. She had felt a trickle of sweat travel down the side of her face at the mention of talking about what had been bothering her. "Well...I guess it's about being the new headmare for the school. The position still makes me feel a little nervous. So, I'm just worried about doing a good job." She lied, but it was more of a half truth. She was still nervous about being the new headmare of the school. However, she was just thankful to have Sunburst as the vice headstallion, while Trixie was the new school counselor. "I don't blame you. It's like me if I was a team leader for being a member of a video game team. I'm not the best when it comes to being a leader, but I at least try to give it my best shot." As he sat down, he looked over to Starlight, who had sat down a few inches away from him. Starlight, taking notice of his stare, tilted her head in slight confusion. "What?" Dynamo blushed slightly and looked away. Chuckling slightly with a sheepish smile. "Oh, it's nothing, really. When you mentioned that you were headmare, I was thinking that maybe you could wear a sort of dress. Sort of like dressing to impress the students that you are the true headmare, you know?"

"A dress, huh? I never really thought about that. It's something that I wouldn't mind trying now and again. If we are on the subject of changes, then I could see you wearing a ponytail. I think you would look nice with one. Plus, it would help in keeping your mane out of your eyes." She turned to Dynamo and snorted as a light breeze had obstructed Dynamo's vision. "Okay. Very funny. Although, I guess a ponytail wouldn't be all too bad. I don't have a particular mane style, but I could give it a chance." Dynamo smiled as there was a comfortable silence between the two. "I can't believe so much time had passed. With Twilight becoming the new leader of Equestria, you becoming the new headmare of the School of Friendship. It just feels like so much time has passed since I first moved her to Ponyville."

At the mention of Twilight's name, Starlight felt a twinge of jealousy in her heart at the mention of Twilight's name. While they all didn't hang out as often, she still saw Twilight, Spike and the rest of their friends as friends of her own. "Uh...y-yeah." Dynamo's ears perked as he turned towards Starlight, who's face was looking down towards the grassy terrain from underneath them. "Hey, Star? Is everything okay? I didn't say anything wrong, did I?" Starlight quickly looked up to meet Dynamo's worried gaze. "N-No. It's not like that. I-I guess I'm just...you know." She started to mumble as Dynamo was having trouble with hearing? "What?" Starlight repeated what she had said, but it was still a low mumble. "Star? I'm sorry, but I'm not the best when it comes to hearing. Plus, you're mumbling a little bit. I can't help talk about it if I don't know the answer."

Closing her eyes to groan in slight frustration, Starlight began to slowly open her eyes. "Ugh, fine! I guess I'm feeling jealous okay?!" Dynamo blinked in surprise, trying to take in what had just been said to him. "Jealous? You, Starlight Glimmer, is jealous?" Starlight glanced towards the side, before giving a brief nod. "Yeah. I mean, everyone is jealous at one point or another, right?" Hearing that caused Dynamo to nod without a second thought. "Yeah, you're right. Jealousy can happen and it can get the better of us at times. I'm just surprised because you don't seem to be the jealousy type. Is there any reason as to why you're feeling this way?" Starlight opened her mouth to respond, but hesitated. "I...I just can't say. It's kind of embarrassing." She felt bad for saying that as the two had talked to each other all of the time. Whether they needed an opinion, advice, or just to talk in general. Both were like an open book for one another.

After a moment of thought, Dynamo smiled as an idea had come to mind. He soon shifted in his seat, until he and Starlight were sitting back to back from one another. "There we go. If you are feeling embarrassed, then we can sit and talk like this. It's just you and me, Star. There's no need to feel embarrassed or worried. I'm not one to judge." It was true. Starlight remembered telling Dynamo about her past and all the things she had done to get her revenge on Twilight. Even after explaining all of the horrible things that had happened, Dynamo still accepted her for who she was. With a heavy sigh, Starlight decided that there was probably no other way around it. "O-Okay. I guess I'm...sort of jealous over Twilight and her friends. They've saved Equestria countless times and they've always been able to either stop the villain, or save them from their own corruption." Dynamo had stayed quiet, but nodded as he remembered the many stories he had heard from the ponies in town. Stories that were focused on the deeds and actions from the wielders of the Elements of Harmony.

"I guess that's why I've...been having these sorts of nightmares." Starlight took a deep breath as she knew her nightmares would soon be brought up. "I've been having them ever since the defeat of Chrysalis, Tirek and Cozy Glow. At first, it was the same nightmare sequence over and over. As time went on, it's been changing into times where Chrysalis had attacked Trixie, Sunburst, you and even others. I don't know why these nightmares keep reoccurring, but they just do." Dynamo tried to think to see if these nightmares and Starlight's jealousy has some sort of connection between the two. "I think I might have a theory, but I could be wrong on this. You feel jealous of Twilight and the others because they've saved other villains in the past. You wanted to save Chrysalis, but she was set on getting her revenge."

Starlight pondered on the idea as two and two were being put together. "That does make a lot of sense on some things, but it still doesn't change the reason as to why I'm having nightmares." She responded, speaking her thoughts out loud. "Maybe these nightmares are happening because you feel some sort of regret? Tell me. What did you feel when you were trying to fight Chrysalis?" Starlight looked towards the stars as she tried to call back to that particular day. She could remember the harsh, chilly winds pushing against her. The cold temperature that could freeze anyone's heat to the core. It was as if it was just yesterday to the unicorn mare. "I felt adrenaline, fear, anger and sorry. I wanted to stop Chrysalis so she wouldn't cause any harm to anycreature." She paused as a feeling had made it's way into her heart.

"There were moments that I wanted to talk to Chrysalis. A chance to convince her that it wasn't too late. To show her that she could still change if she accepted help from others. However, the look in her eyes, the aura of hatred that she was giving off. It felt as if the Chrysalis I had met was practically gone. Standing right in front of me was a monster that was a threat to the school, my students and my friends. I just wanted to do what was right, but I wasn't sure if I had done the right thing." Dynamo turned slightly as he glanced at his friend. "I think you did the right thing. Chrysalis had to be stopped, or countless ponies and creatures could have been hurt." Starlight could only shake her head as she felt it wasn't the truth. "If that's the case, then I would have stopped her and made it back to the school. Instead, she got the jump on me and overpowered me."

"Be that as it may, I still say you were stronger than her. The Starlight I know is strong, smart, capable of taking care of herself and passionate. I would have said that you were underprepared for Chrysalis. From what you had told me, Discord told Twilight that the villains had Grogar's magic. Something that made them stronger than anycreature had ever imagined. No one could ever be prepared for everything, but at least you took the steps to prevent anything from happening." Starlight smiled softly at his kind words, but the memories still bothered her. "I think I'm starting to understand how it all started. This was back when I was still a counselor at Twilight's school."

Starlight closed her eyes and envisioned herself at her school counselor's desk, while sitting right across from Ocellus. The young changeling who sat on the couch and began transforming into different creatures. Starlight watched from the side of her desk, her chin resting in her hoof. Her eyes giving a deadpanned expression as she tried to help said student to the best of her ability.

"Oceullus. It's perfectly normal for a Changeling to struggle with identity issues, but..." She remembered being cut off as she head heard the voice of Silverstream from outside of her office door. Starlight soon faded back into reality as she began to open her eyes. "I understood that Changelings feel as if they have their own sort of identity crisis, but I didn't think it would be to that high level of a degree. I've even began to wonder if Chrysalis had gone through a similar struggle. I thought that maybe if I could have helped her, then she could have at least felt belonging with Thorax and the new hive. At the very least, be back with her kind and maybe have a friend."

Dynamo sighed as it was a lot to take in, but he felt he could understand where Starlight was coming from. "It seems like you regret in not being able to save Chrysalis. It all lead back to Ocellus, which had lead up to this." Starlight could only nod and softly sigh. "I've even asked Trixie and Sunburst about this, but they gave me their own ideas as to what's been going on. Even then, it still didn't add up." She remembered talking to her other friends a few days prior. With Trixie being the new student counselor, Starlight felt that Trixie could show her the way. It soon backfired as everyone was just glad that Tirek, Cozy Glow and Chrysalis were stopped and turned to stone. To Starlight, it made her worry if others would feel that way if she was banished or turned to stone. If she had remained a villain, that is.

"You know what? How about we go with the idea of comparing you to the other villains." Hearing this caused Starlight to raise her eyebrow in slight annoyance. "So, you're basically trying to compare me to a young filly, a centaur, who was hungry for power and a Changeling who manipulated love." Dynamo, while not being able to see Starlight, could still feel the raised eyebrow and tone in her voice. "What? No! I didn't mean it like that. I meant more along the lines of how you differ from each of them. Let's start off with Cozy Glow. She was a filly who from what I understood, wanted all the friends in the world and was prejudice against any non-ponies. It's sort of like how you were against the idea of cutie marks. When Sunburst moved away, you lost the only friend you had in Sire's Hollow. You were a young filly, so you might not have understood what had happened." He stopped to let his words sink in, before continuing.

"When you're at a young age and you see what had happened. If no parents are there to help explain what had happened, then it can leave the child to become very impressionable. While your dad treated you like a foal, he still tried to help you to feel safe. I would have said that Cozy could have had the chance to change, but I guess it's difficult to say now. Second, we'll go with Tirek. He tried to rule by gaining all of the magic from Earth, Unicorn and Pegasi ponies. You tried to do the same by getting rid of everypony's cutie marks and replacing them with equal signs." He knew that reminding Starlight of her past wasn't the best thing to say, but he knew there was meaning behind her past.

"In a way, I saw that as a defense mechanism. You said you were creating harmony and I don't think that was a wrong way of putting it. You were trying to help others to not go through what you once went through. Even though the results might not have turned out the way you were expecting, I still can understand where you were coming from. Last and certainly not least, we have Chrysalis. She tried to be a leader to steal love and to keep all of the love for herself. I remember when you said you were afraid to be a leader. In fear of going back to who you once were. However, you showed Chrysalis that a leader is to appreciate, respect and care for your subjects and friends. At the same time, showing them that their talents are important and that it makes them unique." Dynamo turned more in his seat and smiled at Starlight.

"What I'm trying to say is that we all can relate from one individual to the next. Even to our worst of enemies. However, we learn from those mistakes so that we don't go down the wrong path. That, or we can even show those same villains the error of their ways. It's how you were able to change and become who you are today. It's why I'm glad I met you and that you and I are friends, Star." Starlight's eyes widened slightly as his words began to sink in. She was surprised that Dynamo had taken bits and pieces of her past, but tried to show the bright side of things, or even a side that may not have been seen before. "I never really thought of it that way. When you put it that way, that does make a lot of sense." She smiled, feeling a slight relief being lifted off of her shoulders. "Thank you for telling me that Dynamo, but now I'm curious. Why were you out here all by yourself?"

Dynamo tensed slightly in his seat as he felt that Starlight might ask him at some point. He sighed, knowing that it was only fair. Due to Starlight, who had talked about her fears and worries. "I guess there's no getting past you, huh? Like you, I was having my own nightmares and regrets. The only difference was that my regret...was not being there for you." Upon hearing this, Starlight became puzzled. "Being there? What do you mean?" Taking a shaky breath, Dynamo decided to continue. "So much had been going on since that time. Everypony was in such a mass panic and started going towards different locations. Pegasi to Cloudsdale, Unicorns to Canterlot and Earth ponies to Ponyville. Some different pony races decided to stay in certain towns for their own reasons. After learning what was going on, I just knew I had to go find you and the others. I raced to the school as fast as I could. When I got there, Trixie had informed me of what was going on. I constantly grew worried when we didn't hear anything from you. When everycreature grouped up together for the final battle, I didn't see you anywhere."

Dynamo trembled slightly as he took a sharp intake of breath. "I had almost assumed the worst that you were defeated and that I lost you." Starlight shook her head as she knew that wasn't the case. "That's something that wouldn't happen. I know backup would have been good, but I wouldn't want to put anycreature into harms way." She turned to look at Dynamo, but gasped slightly as she saw tears cascading down his cheeks. "I-I know I'm not strong enough and that I'm still learning to do better in magic. I-I just wish that I was there to help back you up. I know I could have gotten in the way, but I would have fought with everything I had to make sure to save you. I lost my father before. I didn't want to lose anyone else who is dear to me." He closed his eyes as he felt embarrassed for crying in front of his friend. "Oh, Dynamo." Starlight felt guilty for her earlier assumptions, but she understood his feelings.

She had remembered the two of them talking to each other a few days, after Dynamo had lost his dad. She had felt so devastated that her friend was going through such hardships. "Dynamo. Please, look at me." She placed a hoof upon his shoulder, before said stallion slowly opened his eyes. "I understand how you feel. Even if you, Trixie, Sunburst and others were to help. It might not have made any difference. It's like you had told me before. Discord told Twilight everything about Grogar's bewitching bell. The magic that was stored in there was far more powerful than any of us could have imagined. Just know that you'd be there to help me really tells me that you're a true friend. You just need to remember that nothing ever lasts forever. Friendship, however, lasts a lifetime. From our talk tonight, I've learned that we shouldn't live with regret. That we should appreciate and be thankful for the things that we have in our lives."

Hearing this, Dynamo sniffed as he tried to use his hoof to wipe any stray tears away. "Now it's my turn to say that you're right. I remember you told me that while my father may be gone, his love and kindness will always live inside me. I don't know what might happen in the future, but I know I'd like to walk along that journey with my friends." Dynamo smiled as he turned to face Starlight's gaze. "Thank you, Starlight. From back then and to now, you've really helped me whenever I felt like I lost hope. You've easily shown me that hope can be broken, but hope is never lost forever. Ever since I met you, I've been really thankful to have you in my life. You've shown me that there's more than one way to find an answer, while also looking at different angles towards a problem. You're one of my best friends Starlight and I couldn't ask for anything better. Thank you, my friend."

Now it was Starlight's turn to nearly tear up. "You're welcome and I should be thanking you. I was feeling lost when having these nightmares. I didn't think that anypony would be able to help me in understanding, but I think I finally did. You've helped in showing me that there's always a brighter side to things. Even to when there are times where things aren't always what they appear to be. I'm grateful to have you in my live Dynamo. I know I have many friends like Trixie, Sunburst and Maud, but I'm thankful to know that you're a part of that circle of friends." Dynamo smiled as the two leaned over and pulled each other into a hug.

The hug lasted for only a moment, but for the two of them, it felt like it lasted a lifetime. It was as if all of their troubles had finally vanished. Leaving them with a clear conscious and a better understanding of the world around them. The two decided to still sit back to back for a little while longer to enjoy the evening sky. Both had shared a yawn and soon realized that it was still the middle of the night. After bidding their farewells, the two left the field to head to their respective homes. Hopefully to have a better sleep and to have a start to a better tomorrow and a bright and better future.