The Fairest of Them All

Brush brush brush.

I’m brushing my hair like I do everyday. I have a very effective method. I start from the bottom and brush out the knots but sometimes it gets staticky so I pat it down with my hooves and it makes a funny fizzy noise. Then I make my way up to the roots and brush my hair all the way down from there. I have curly hair. Mommy says they’re called beach waves. Mommy says the beach is where the most beautifullest of fillies go.

Mommy’s not allowed to do my hair. My sister used to do it but now only I can comb it because mommy doesn’t know how I like to brush my hair. She knows I do it the best. If she tries to grab the hairbrush I scream and cry and throw a fit. It’s the best toy I have. It’s small and purple with sparkles alllll over it and I pull hair out of it every day so that it stays clean the way mommy likes things. I love my brush.

Brush brush brush.

My hair is long. It reaches the ground and sometimes I trip over it when I’m walking without a ponytail because my hooves are clumsy. Mommy likes to remind me that I walk bad and I have to walk with poise and elegance. But I don’t really know what those words mean. I’m sad when she says that. I just want to play.

Sometimes we go out and I get weird looks from ponies because I stumble a lot. But whenever they stare mommy gets really defensive and says that I’m the filly my sister wanted me to be and that makes me smile and giggle all the way home. Some days I don’t trip even once and mommy pats me on the head and gives me an extra cookie before bed. It’s too bad that my sister didn't stay because she used to give me lots of snacks and sweets and my teeth would feel all tingly afterwards.

Once when I was mad I tried to cut my hair but mommy got really really angry and I was grounded for a month.

I used to not have long hair. It was short and fell into my face. All of the colts liked it but mommy said I had to keep growing it out. My sister said it was a mop on my head. She was really funny. She was really sad sometimes but I’d come into her room and tell her one of my jokes. Do you want to hear one? I’m going to tell you one.

Knock knock.

Now you say who’s there.

And then I answer who.

And then you say who who.

And then I say stop acting like an owl.

She would laugh so hard that she would snort and then I’d make fun of her snorting and she would snort again until we got tired of laughing. I’m sad that it took a long time to make up another joke. She didn’t get to hear it before she went.

She loved my jokes.

Brush brush brush.

My room is full of fun things though. My bed has a canopy and curtains and a mirror so I feel like a princess. My mirror has a lot of stickers. It’s got a bazillion gagillion stickers. I had a lot of hoofball players on it but they were covered up with stickers of butterflies and the princesses which is fine because I want to be like Princess Celestia when I grow up. She’s everything mommy wants me to be. Tall and poised and elegant.

The outside of the mirror overflowed and now the reflecty part is covered in stickers too. Now I have to strain my neck to see over a rainbow sticker or else it covers my eyes.

Mommy put that sticker there. She says that I shouldn’t look at myself or else I’ll be vain and that isn’t very proper. I can only look at myself when I’m standing or stretching really far in my seat. When I look at my eyes I can still see me underneath and I smile. Mommy says I have a nice smile. I’m really proud of it.

It gets lonely sometimes in my room but I always have fun whenever mommy takes me out and we have dinner. We had hayburgers for my birthday but I couldn’t eat it too quickly because that wouldn’t have been ladylike. I almost blew a raspberry at her and threw a fit. But I didn’t do that because I love mommy and I want her to be happy.

Oh! I almost forgot. Mommy says I’m going back to school after two years of homeschooling!!!! She says I’m finally ready to face the world on my own. I got really excited and started squealing because I get to see my friends again. Me and mommy danced a happy dance. I hope my friends still recognize me after so long. I think I’ve changed a lot. My hair is a lot longer and my face is a lot prettier but I think the boys at school won’t mind.

Brush brush brush.

Mommy forgets my name sometimes. She calls me by my sister’s name. My sister went away a couple of years ago. I don’t know where she went but mommy was really sad that she went away and I was too. Mommy smiles a lot less now but I know that everything I do to be pretty is helping her get better.

Sometimes I try to tell mommy I’m not my sister but she locks me in my room and I don’t get dinner. The last time I did that we were having macaroni and cheese and I was really sad. When I’m really bad she gives me a mean stink eye but when I’m really good and pretend that I’m not a boy anymore she gives me kisses and hugs.

I love my hair.

It’s so pretty like me.

Brush brush brush.