Storytime With Discord

by James Pwyll

Rating: everyone
Tags: Cake Twins, Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Flurry Heart
Length: 1357

Discord finds himself with a spot of babysitting

After going through everybody they could possibly ask, it eventually gets decided that Discord shall be the babysitter of not only the Cake Twins but also Flurry Heart. Now, Discord has never looked after babies before, so he falls back on the tried and true entertainment method of telling them stories. With a bit of a Discordy twist of course.

Published 2020-02-07 05:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-02-07 05:00:01 UTC

Storytime With Discord

"Fret not, ye troublesome mortals! For you now stand in the presence of Discord! Master of chaos and Lord of all things ludicrous! Rejoice! For your dull and uneventful lives have now been enriched by my arrival! Where once there was boredom, now there shall be fun, excitement and the neverending thrill of pure, unfiltered randomness!"

While there would have certainly been some ponies who would have been taken aback or impressed by such a statement, the effect was somewhat lost on Discord's current audience, which consisted of three foals. Pound and Pumpkin were giggling to one another as they passed a small ball between them, while Flurry just tilted her head to the side slightly at her latest babysitter. "...Bababu?"

Discord's shoulders slumped, and he facepalmed for a moment. "Honestly, I'm just wasted here. All this panache and flair and it's being used to entertain a bunch of toddlers." He grimaced. "I could be back home, conjuring nightmarish horrors and setting them loose in King Thorax's bedroom, but nooooo! Instead I have to amuse and watch a trio who aren't even old enough to know who I am!" He looked down to Flurry. "At least I get the novelty of watching an alicorn baby. That should provide some entertainment in all this." He stroked his beard. "Though I do wonder why your parents asked me to keep you away from chalk boards." He watched as Flurry gave her reaction to that, which was little more than to roll on her back for a bit while laughing happily. Discord, of course, rolled his eyes to this adorable display, before soon snapping his fingers. There was a bright flash of light, which actually earned him the attention of the children, and it was revealed that he'd now conjured a small book for himself, which he took and opened up. "Alright, let's see here. Your folks wanted me to tell you a story to keep you calmed down."

"Ba!" Flurry replied.

Discord nodded, clearly uninterested. "Yes, yes, very good. Now on with the story, shall we?" He watched the three youngsters scoot a bit closer to him, and it was obvious that they were excited to hear the story he had for them. Though mildly pleased that they were finally taking an interest in what he was doing, Discord soon got down to business, clearing his throat before reading aloud. "Once upon a time, there was a magical little bunny rabbit named..." He winced. "Ugh...Mr Flopsy McPlopsy." The sight of the children laughing together didn't help his mood. "I swear, when those parents of yours get back..." He grumbled for a bit, then got back to the story proper. "One sunny day, Mr...Flopsy...went to all his best friends. Mr Badger the badger, Mr Bird the bird, Mr..."He blinked a couple of times, then flipped through the pages a bit. "Huh...just keeps going like this." After a time, he frowned, closing the book and setting it to one side. Placing one hand on his hip, he pointed to the babies. "Honestly, you three deserve a far better story than this!"

Flurry, and rather angrily too, pointed to her babysitter. "Ba! Babbabu!"

Discord was not moved by her plea. "Yes, yes, I know it's what I'm supposed to read! But need I remind you that I am Discord? If you honestly expected me to do things by the book, you don't know me very well." He paused, then cleared his throat again. "Which...I don't suppose you do." He shook his head. "The point is...we can make this more fun!" As before, he snapped his fingers, bringing forth a second book. This one, as any would expect of him, was adorned with a great many weird and wonderful patterns, and even seemed to growl like a living creature, much to the fear of the babies, who inched away from Discord. The Draconequus simply patted his latest creation. "Oh hush! This is quite safe, I assure you." No sooner had she said that when the thing opened and snapped off one of his fingers. After looking to his stump for a moment, he sighed. "Well...that was just rude!" He popped out a new finger to replace the lost one, and after enjoying the terrified looks on the children's faces, he opened the book proper. "So...shall we?"

"Ba! Baba!" Flurry protested once more.

Discord snickered. "Too late, already reading!"

Flurry huffed, crossing her forelegs and pouting as the nearby Cake Twins kept their eyes on Discord. "Ba?"

Discord then created a pair of glasses, placing them over his eyes in a clear effort to look more refined than he actually was. "Now then...once upon a time, there was a clever, handsome, utterly brilliant Draconequus who roamed the land! This fine fellow wanted nothing more than to have fun, and to bring fun to all he saw. He was a good Draconequus, and with his great power, he could bring entertainment to all the little ponies he came across!" He took a moment to enjoy the look of growing curiosity on the babies before continuing. "But alas, some ponies simply weren't grateful. You'd have thought that having their houses turned into cheese, or having the trees of their backyard turn into monsters would be welcomed. But no, apparently they took offence to that." He snorted with irritation. "I mean it's free food and free pets, what more could you ask for?"

Pumpkin Cake looked to Flurry. "...Ba?"

Flurry, in a display most unexpected from a baby, shrugged, looking utterly done with her babysitter. "Ba."

Discord frowned, then got back with his story. "So, Disc...I mean...the gorgeous Draconequus decided he needed to up his game. So he went far and wide, bringing joy to every corner of Equestria. Using his powers, he brought forth an era where nopony would ever know what boredom was. There's was always something interesting going on, something new and unexpected. And by the time it was all accomplished, there wasn't a pony alive who didn't know his name." Though at first rather satisfied with the story he'd told so far, it soon caught his notice that the babies were looking to him with expressions that could only be described as incredulity, or at least as close to that as babies were capable of displaying. After a time, the Lord of Chaos rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine, maybe the Draconequus was pushing things a bit with what he was doing. And yes, maybe he was wrong to do all these things without permission...or sense of privacy...or care for the well-being of others."

Flurry gave a firm nod. "Ba!"

Discord grumbled. "Yep, definitely an alicorn. Only one of those could get on my nerves so much." He soon developed into a smirk however. "And speaking of which, this is the part of the story where the wicked witch-sisters come in to spoil the Draconequus' fun. They come in, with their tricksy powers and their...um...tree crystals of...spoiling good times." After seeing the deadpan blink from the babies from that, Discord frowned. "Hey, I'm not the best at names, alright?" He looked back to his book. "The came along, they used their crystals..." Discord glanced up. "Which were totally a cheat move, just so we're clear!" He returned to the book. "And they trapped him in stone for a really, really, really long time. So long that he was probably more bored than any other creature in history!" Contrary to what he might have wanted, Discord looked up to see the babies giggling to this development, much to his annoyance. "Pah! Audiences never appreciate a true hero in their time!"

Flurry giggled again. "Babu babu, ba!"

Discord waved her off. "Yes, yes, that's the end of the story." He smirked again. "Unless you want me to tell you the part where the Draconequus breaks free of his stone prison and carries out his wonderful fun-spreading mission again?" After seeing them look to him with complete disinterest, as well as a little annoyance, Discord folded his arms and huffed, not unlike the babies themselves not so long ago. "Oh, everypony's a critic!"