Match-Makerby TheKMExperienceChaptersMatch Made100% (In)compatibleCompatibleMatch Made"So what do you do?" Marc looks up and sees a young woman sitting across from him with a blank expression on her face. "I'm sorry?" he responded. "What do you do?" she asked again. "Oh, uh, I kinda run this music blog." "Uh huh, where are you from?" "Right here, in Pennsylvania." The woman pulls out a tablet and taps it at a brisk pace without another word. "So......what's your name?" Marc asks awkwardly. "Bon Bon." she says flatly, still staring down at the tablet. "What do you do?" "I don't like to talk about work." "Look, I hate these things too. You know, I feel like everyone in the room can tell that we're on a first date." "No one's paying attention." she shrugs. "So, if you could be any animal, what animal would you be?" "This.....this isn't going very well, is it?" "Yeah, no, this is over." Bon Bon nodded. "You can go. Good luck out there." Surrounded by awkward silence, Marc grabs his things and leaves the cafe in confusion. "Well, it's official, Sunset." Marc sighs, walking into his apartment. "I'm gonna die alone." "What?" Sunset yawns, rocking herself off the living room couch. "Don't say that." "Sunny, I've looked and I've flirted with half of the women in Pennsylvania, and I'm honestly starting to think that my soul mate just doesn't exist. You know, she's like a myth, like Bigfoot!" "Dude, she exists, she's out there." Sunset reassures. "Just like Bigfoot." "Ugh, I need cider." "You're out of cider. Look, Marc, you just need to broaden your horizons. Stop meeting weird randos on the street and start meeting them online." "Online?" Marc scoffs. "Online dating?" "Yeah." "No. Look, I don't want some algorithm telling me who to hook up with, alright? I just wanna meet a cute girl, you know, with a pink streak in her hair, a cool tattoo and a pair of nice......big.........glasses. And she has to be a Rolling Toms fan." "Oddly specific, but there are 413 eligible women that are Rolling Toms fans within a 2 mile radius of this apartment." Sunset states, staring at her phone. "Wait, really, what's that?" "Make-A-Match, dude. Everyone's on it." "Why are you on it?" "I'm not on it, you are." she snickers. "I made you a profile." "What, when?" "Last night when I drank all your cider." "Sunset!" "Come on, man, look at ALL of these women. " "Alright, fine, I'll do it." Marc grunts. "But seriously, stop drinking all my cider." "No promises. I can't afford it, you can, so I drink it." "At Make-A-Match, there's someone out there for everyone." the CEO states on an internet video Marc and Sunset are watching. "Sign up today, and we'll find your 100% perfect match guaranteed. Welcome to love. Welcome to Make-A-Match." FIND YOUR PERFECT MATCH. The icon that appeared on Marc's phone said. Sunset gives him a smug grin as he taps the screen. SEARCHING FOR MATCH. It read on a pixelated heart pulsing around the screen. After a brief moment of loading- MATCH FOUND: TWILIGHT 100% MATCH "Twilight?" Marc utters. "I've met her, she's smart, she likes hanging out..." "I mean, she's cute, but this is my 100% match? I don't see a cool tattoo anywhere-" DING!!! "Oh, dude, she winked you." Sunset chuckles. "She what?" "She checked you out and she likes what she sees. Just ask her out already." "T-This is just too weird. I can't do it, I'm out, no." "Marc, you are going on a date with this girl if I have to pump you full of benzodiazepine and drag you there myself." "Fine, but only because I am desperately lonely." "Now that's the spirit!" Later that night, Marc goes down to the local bar in search of his "perfect match". There, he spots a nerdy woman with a pair of thick glasses at a table alone staring at the television. "Uh, Twilight?" he waves as he approaches her. "Oh, you must be Marc, hi." she greets warmly. "I got us two daiquiris, is that okay?" As he shakes her hand, Marc notices the long pink streak in her hair all the way down her ponytail. "Yeah, uh, actually, that's my favorite drink." Marc says in astonishment. "Mine, too." she giggles. "I like your glasses, by the way." "Oh, thanks. I wear a few with different colors once in a while. Some of them mix well with Deena." "Deena?" Twilight rolls up her sleeve to reveal an impressively detailed tattoo of a DNA strand, to Marc's shock. The evening goes on smoothly as the two share their love of music. "Are you familiar with a guy named Chris Cross?" Marc asked. "Uh, a.k.a. my childhood crush from age 14 til now." Twilight laughs. "You're kidding!" "Nope, I saw him in his last concert here years ago, I basically went through puberty on the spot." "Are you being serious, cuz I was literally at that same show." "No way." "Yes way, the way they did that double encore-" "Where they closed it off with-" "Sailing!" they said simultaneously. "Heh, you know I have been told that I bear a striking resemblance to Chris Cross." Marc chuckles. "I mean, I wouldn't say 'striking'." Twilight ponders. "But I can definitely see it." Suddenly, the catchy tune catches the two off guard. "Sailing?" Marc gasped . "Come on, how is this happening right now?" "Well......I did put it on the jukebox like five minutes ago, so..." "Oh. I see." Their friendly smiles soon fade away as they slowly lean into a deep, passionate kiss. Two months later... "Well, it's official, Sunny." Marc laughs, strolling into the apartment. "She's the one." "Wait, what?" Sunset utters. "What are you talking about?" "I'm talking about Twilight. She's.......dude, she's.....amazing! I'm gonna give her a ring. Not an engagement ring, but like a really nice ring." "..." "..." "Okay, uh, have a seat, Casanova." she sighs, scooting over as Marc plops down beside her. "How long have you seen her? A month, maybe two?" "Yeah, but.....I feel like I've known her my whole life." "Sure, but if you wanna make it to three, maybe you should cool your jets." "Alright, I get it, I understand, but we're 100% compatible. The app said so!" "Forget what the app said." "Come on, you're the one who set me up on the whole thing. Thought you'd be stoked for me." "I am, I am, it's just.......I don't wanna see you get hurt." "Alright, so.....you're saying just slow things down?" "Yes." Sunset nods. "Play it cool." "My man." "Okay." "Good." Later.... "I love you." Marc blurts out. "W-What?" Twilight says. "Twi, these last two months have been amazing and I-I just keep thinking about spending the rest of my life with you. You're my soul mate, Twilight." Twilight hangs her head, giving Marc no eye contact as she clears her throat. "A-Are you sure?" she mutters. "Are you not sure?" "L-Look, it's not you, I just.....I don't have time for anything serious right now." "But.....we've spent every single night at your place since we met." "And it's been great, it's just my residency interviews are coming up, so...." "So..." "So....maybe you should go." "Uh, o......o-okay. This is, uh, our first big fight." he chuckles sheepishly. "It's quite a milestone, huh?" "Marc, just stop." Twilight groans. "Look, someday, we're gonna look back on this and laugh." "Marc!" "Come on, we can make this work. If you wanna go slow, we'll go slow." "I'm serious, goodbye!" Confused, heartbroken with no other options, Marc heads for the door only to pause with a stern gaze. "No." he grunts. "No, I'm not gonna just walk away, I can't. Look, I know that you're scared, I'm scared too. But you and I.......we're made for each other." "I can't do this." Twilight says, pulling out her phone. "This is something that we'll tell our grandchil-" Suddenly, two strong men in all black outfits burst through the door and restrain him as Twilight watches. "Ow!" Marc yelled. "Whoa, hey, what are you guys-" His cries are silenced as a small burlap sack is thrown over his head. "I got his legs, let's move!" one of the mysterious men says. "Tech Support to HQ, Romeo is in the bag! Moving to extraction point." As the sound of a truck draws near, Marc frantically gathers all his strength to break his legs free and kicks Man #1 back long enough for him to pull the sack off and ducks as he returns with a punch, knocking out Man #2. Marc punches Man #1 down, stunning him before rushing back to the apartment. Moments later... "Sunset?" Marc pants. "Sunset, where are you?!" "Marc?" she sighs. "Sunny, I'm freaking out here." "W-What's going on?" "T-They tried to kidnap me! I-I was at Twilight's place, and-" "Wait, what's going on with Twilight?" "I-I don't know, she dumped me and then these guys-" "She dumped you?" Sunset groans. "I told you to play it cool." "Yeah, I-I know, I just-" "It's okay, come here." Sunset coos, pulling a shaken Marc into a tight bro hug. "I love her, Sunny." he sighs. "What am I gonna do?" Soon, Sunset points a taser-like gadget into Marc's neck, zapping him unconscious and dropping him. "Package is secure." she states. 100% (In)compatiblePain surges through Marc's brain when he comes to. His blurred vision subsides as he finds himself in a brightly lit room sitting across a familiar face. "Are you ready to begin?" "Bon Bon?" Marc winces. "What the hell are you talking about?" "How would you describe your performance in the relationship?" she asks, carrying a tablet. "What the hell's going on?" "Very satisfactory, satisfactory, or needs improvement?" "Why am I tied to a chair?" "We'll put 'needs improvement'." Bon Bon mutters. "Would you agree that your worst qualities are clinginess, painfully naive, and overly emotional?" "No, I wouldn't, where the hell am I?!" "Exit interview. Wait, did you not get debriefed?" "Debriefed?" Bon Bon sighs and pulls out a remote, bringing down a large tv screen. "Please watch this informational video." The screen clicks on, showing footage of a tall man "Hi, I'm Doctor 'Time Turner' Whooves, founder and CEO of Make-A-Match, and I'd like to say thank you, for it's biogenetic love companions like you that make what we do absolutely possible." "Bio-whaa?" Marc slurs. "Ever feel like you were made for someone?" Whooves continues. "You were! Bred here in the Genesis Vats at Make-A-Match Heartquarters, your genome, personality, and artificial memories were hand crafted by literal love doctors to the EXACT specifications of your romantic partner. But love doesn't always work out-" "Tell me about it." Marc groans. "Which brings you here to the returns department. Good news: since the Sentient Life Form Protection Act forbids us from terminating you against your will, you'renow free to live out your days in blissful servitude at Make-A-Match, Inc." "U-Uh, no. I don't wanna do that, I wanna go home-" "This is your home now, so make the most of it. Career opportunities include: genesis vat repair, custodial services, technical support. That is all. And if you really wanna take your career to the next level, volunteer for our biomatter recycling program and be a part of the next generation of Make-A-Match companions. As a scientist myself, I assure you it's 100% fun." In the background, someone steps into a recycling pod and pops into a cheap effect of sparkles, startling Marc. "Thanks for watching and welcome to life after love." "So, you're telling me that I'm not an indie music blogger?" "Of course not." Bon Bon scoffs. "Have you seen your apartment?" "Okay, well, if I have all these fake implants of memories, then tell me, what'd I do for my eighth birthday?" "You went to a water park." "Okay then, what about my ninth birthday?" "I don't remember all of your birthdays. Any further questions can be directed to your group." Bon Bon activates a door and ushers Marc in. Inside, to his shock, is four versions of himself, each with different personalities and attire. "Oh, hi, Marc." one greets happily. "Uh....." Marc utters. "Come on, let me give you the warp speed tour." Bon Bon continues down the hallway as Marc pulls Marc inside the room. "This is Marc 1. He was Twilight's first companion." "Piss off." Marc 1 sighs, bouncing a ball off the wall. "He was hers for three months up until Marc 2 came around." "Sup, bro." Marc 2 grunts, lifting dumbbells. Then there was Marc 3." "Namaste." Marc 3 whispers, splashing paint on a canvas. "And, last but not least, there's me. Marc 4." "Nice to meet.......me." Marc "So, uh, what was it this time?" "Uh......I told her I loved her." Every Marc in the room responded with groans and scoffs and sighs and winces. "Don't listen to these guys, 'kay?" Marc 4 says. "They're still hung up on her.......but, how is she doing?" "S-She's doing great." Marc states. "She's finishing up med school, she's talking to her sister again, she's happy. She's growing out her vinyl collection. You know, next week, we're-" The small smile that had grew on his face soon fades away, as well as the smiles on the other Marcs. "Next week, we were supposed to go to a concert." Marc 4 gives Marc a light pat on the back as every other Marc continue their day in complete silence. "This is your home now." Whooves' voice chimes on the intercom. And so, Marc spends many, many days going through the monotonous life of Make-A-Match, Inc., waking up in the same colorless bed, eating the same unidentifiable pink slime, monitoring the same cloning pod that's slowly conceiving a brand new Marc, drawing Twilight's DNA tattoo on the wall for each day, rinse and repeat. One day, Bon Bon strolls down the hallway, Marc accidentally bumps into her, making her drop her clipboard. "Damn it!" she grunts. "U-Uh, oh, I am so sorry." Marc winces, handing her the clipboard. "I am so sorry. I'm such a klutz." "What's your version number?" "It's, uh, Marc 5, ma'am. I-It won't happen again." "Let's hope not." "Absotively." he mutters. "I-I mean, absolutely, of course." Bon Bon rolls her eyes and carries on with her day. As she steps out of sight, Marc stares at Bon Bon's ID hidden behind his back with a sly grin before running the other way towards a door marked "RESTRICTED" where Marc 4 stands by. "Dude, come on, don't torture yourself like this." he moans. "Just keep an eye out." Marc says, unlocking the door with the ID. Marc 4 holds the door ajar as Marc heads inside where "Alright, here we go." he says to himself analyzing the tech. Searching through the computer's windows, he finds a profile containing Marcs 1-5 and notices a 6th and looks over its stats. "How can we improve your love companion?" Marc reads aloud. "Improve your love companion." Marc 4 scoffs. "Occupation........lawyer?" "Pffft, a lawyer.....actually, that's good." On the screen appeared Twilight's "requests": - SMARTER - TALLER - BETTER KISSER - LESS CLINGY - MORE CONFIDENT - FAVORITE MUSIC: "ANYTHING BUT INDIE ROCK" "Hey, did she keep anything?" asked Marc 4. Marc stares blankly at the screen. ".......nothing." he utters. A few days later, Marc lies under his bedsheets moaning in despair. "What's up with him?" Marc 2 asks. "They're activating the new Marc today." Marc 4 states, brushing his teeth. "Think he's taking it pretty hard. You know, he hasn't eaten in days?" "Jeez." "We need to get him to open up." Meanwhile, in another part of Make-A-Match, Inc., Bon Bon interviews the clone in a cafe setting. "So, what do you do?" she asks. "I'm a lawyer." he says nonchalantly. "I work downtown." "Uh huh, and where are you from?" "Pennsylvania, born and raised." "If you could be any animal, what kind of animal would you be?" "I'd be a shark. 'Cuz they never stop moving. Neither do I. But you know what, enough about me, right? Let's talk about you." "I'm good, thank-" "You like music? 'Cuz I don't, especially indie rock, ugh." As Bon Bon continues to mark off her tablet's checklist, the other Marcs ease their way towards their grieving brother. "Sad bro," Marc 2 calls out. "You okay over there?" "Alright, buddy." Marc 1 sighs, reaching for the covers. "Time to wipe away those tears, and kick the day's ass- AHHHHHHHH!!!" Every Marc screams as they find themselves staring down at a naked, pale Marc clone screaming back at them. Back at the 'cafe'... "Look, I'm an upfront guy." Marc shrugs. "I don't see this going anywhere, so, what do you say we call it?" "This is over, you can go." Bon Bon says flatly. "Good luck out there." "Absotively." Bon Bon's eyes widen as she stares back at Marc. "I mean, -lutely." Marc mutters before heading for the doors. "Hey." Bon Bon calls, stopping the man in his tracks. "What's your model number?" "Six." "CODE SAPPHIRE!" she exclaims. "REPEAT, CODE SAPPHIRE!" Cover blown, Marc dashes for the door as sirens wailed around the room. Fellow 'patrons' of the cafe lunge from their seats narrowly missing him from all angles. Suddenly, Sunset tackles him and roughly zaps him in the neck, knocking him out once more. "Marc?" a voice echoed as Marc awakens from a head throbbing slumber. "Marc, wake up." The groggy man lifts his head and finds CEO Doctor 'Time Turner' Whooves himself casually cutting a hunk of steak with with a knife and fork. "I'm proud of ya, lad." Whooves nods. "I really am." "Huh?" Marc slurs. "I mean, most companions would never dream of escaping, but you, you really would do anything to be with her again." "Whooves..." "I know how hard it is, how bad it hurts." "Like hell you do." Marc coughs. "You get to leave here. You get to go home to someone you love." "Well......not exactly." Whooves sighs. "Truth be told, she was like my Twilight. It wasn't until she died that I realized how rare true love is and how awful life is without it. And that's what this place is all about. There is NOT someone out there for everyone, but there should be." "Marc, do you want to live in a cold, cramped cage day after day, OR use your God-given gifts to make someone smile? You were BORN to love Twilight, mind, body and soul. It is your purpose, and you can fulfill that purpose again.....by being a part of the new Marc. Through his eyes, you can see her smile again." "The recycling tube." Marc says, eyes widened. "Cows don't leave the slaughterhouse, lad." Whooves states. "Steaks do." Marc looks down at the table as Whooves slides the plate of steak towards him. "Chew on that." he whispers in his ear before leaving him in the quiet room. CompatibleA menacing, bloody red light bathes the dark, wide room as Marc steps nervously towards the futuristic recycling tube. Soon, while thinking long and hard about his decision. Sunset steps into the room behind him. "Hey." she utters clearing her throat. "Oh, hey, Sunset." Marc chimes, not taking his eyes away from the tube. "You gonna stab me in the neck again?" "Are you seriously gonna kill yourself?" "I guess I am, Sunny." "L-Look, how about a farewell toast, huh?" she says, pulling out two mugs of cider. "Come on, last meal?" The scent of apples tears his attention away from the tube and he finally caves. "Hey, to the best fake roommate I've ever had." Sunset toasts. "Sorry you're a clone." "It's fine, I guess." Marc shrugs, sipping his drink. "Heh, the new Marc only drinks scotch. What a douche, right?" Finishing his beverage, Marc takes a long, deep sigh without cracking a smile. "I keep telling myself to forget her, Sunny." he says. "But I wasmade for her. So what the hell am I without her? Whooves was right. I have to do this." Marc flips a switch, opening the door of the glass tube. As he prepares to seal his fate, Sunset sneaks up behind him and once again zaps him in the neck. "Damn it, Sun..." he sighs, passing out in her arms. "Ugh, what the buck am I doing?" Sunset winces, lowering his body down and taking a huge swig of cider. "Wake up." SLAP!!! "OW!" Marc exclaims, waking from another mini coma. "Sunset, what the buck?!" "Shut up." she grunts, typing on a keyboard in front of him. "You're gonna get me fired." Through his blurred vision, Marc finds himself back in the restricted room watching Sunset quickly pulling up Twilight's profile under "CUSTOMER VIDEOS". "I've already been here, Sunny, alright, I've seen all this." "Not this." Eventually, a video of Twilight appears onscreen. "What is this?" Marc asks. "Just watch, dude." Sunset shushes him. "Okay, so, um....my last relationship ended in a pretty painful place." Twilight states. "We were together for four years, and.......I thought he was the one. And then he cheated on me, and then he left..." "I don't want to watch this, alright?" Marc groans. "Just turn it off, Sunny." "Just watch, trust me." she nods. "I was a mess." Twilight continued. "My grades ranked and I almost lost my scholarship. So, I-I can't let that happen again. I have to stay focused. I just.....I'm really lonely." "You've come to the right place, Twilight." a woman's voice stated. "Let Make-A-Match help you create your ideal companion." "I still can't believe I'm doing this." Twilight sniffles. "Lots of first-timers feel that way, but Make-A-Match guarantees we'll make the perfect companion for your needs, everything from personality, type, occupation, looks-" "Could he.......look like Chris Cross?" "We'll get to that, but let's start with the basics. Describe the qualities you want in your ideal companion." "I-I don't know, I guess.....I just want someone who's loyal.....and honest. Kind." For the first time in WEEKS, a teary eyed Marc gives a small smile as Sunset pauses the footage. "You know who you are without her?" she asks. "You're loyal, you're honest, and your kind. It's gotta be worth something." Marc stares at the paused clip of Twilight, tears streaming down his cheek. Later that day, during lunchtime, Marc picks at his bowl with the the other Marcs in complete silence. Eventually, on the radio in the cafeteria, it played... "Would somebody please turn that shit OFF?" Marc 1 grunts. "She even took this song from me." Marc 4 sighs. "No." Marc shook his head. "This song still rules. Just listen." "Bro, everything this song means to us is a lie." Marc 2 states. "Who cares? It's still a really great song. I mean, 'Sailing' is beautiful on its own. God damn it, so are we." Guards scattered around in the room all notice Marc as he stands boldly from his seat and attracts every other clone's attention. "What are we even doing here, you guys?" Marc continues. "Just gorging on self pity and.......whatever the hell that pink stuff is. We can't let one relationship define our whole lives. We're more than that, and we deserve more than that." "Marc 5, resume your gruel eating." a guard growls. "We are who we are, not who they made us to be." Marc says louder. "We may have been built to order, but we were born to be free-" WHACK! the guard knocks Marc down with his baton, shocking everyone. "Marc 5 is wrong." the guard snorted. "Companions are legal property of Make-" POW! Marc 4 knocks the guard out cold with a lunch tray. "LET'S BURN THIS MOTHER DOWN!!!" he yells in triumph. Every clone in the room cheer in uproarious applause, high fives all around. "And so it begins." Marc coughs as Marc 4 helps him up. Elsewhere, Whooves watches the whole entire commotion through a security camera. "Can I get a containment unit to sector 4 now, please?" he winces. Guards heavily equip themselves and flood the hallways toward the cafeteria as every clone line up, awaiting trouble while armed with kitchen utensils and trays. Soon, a group of guards burst through the lunchroom doors and form a wall with their shields in front of the only exit in the room. "Attention, companions." Whooves says on the intercom. "You are in violation of employee guidelines. Please lower your.....weapons, lie on the floor and the punishment squad will-" CHARRRRRRRRRRRGE!!!" Marc roars. And so, the clone war began. Cries of triumph filled the room and the thirst for freedom never ceased. Guards went flying and clones kept charging. "Hey!" Whooves yells. "Stop fighting the punishment squad! Code Sapphire, Code Sapphire, damn it! Exterminate on sight!" Some clones force feed guards pink gruel, others held them in chokeholds, others scratch them up with plastic spoons. "Article 3, Section 7: Expressions of free will and independent thought are strictly prohibited!" Whooves continues. "You were built to love and obey, that is your purpose. Adhere, do your purpose!" Guards beaten and thrown into piles, the clone army take their battle facility wide. Whooves watches in horror as the clones shut off the security cameras one by one, getting closer towards his location. "Someone get up here and save me!" he pants into a walkie talkie. In one of the remaining cameras, Whooves spots Marc sprinting down the hallway. "There is nothing out there for you, Marc. This is where you belong. I am your father, and you will do what Daddy demands!" On the spot, clones break the door down and drag the pleading founder out of the room and down the hallways. While struggling to escape his captors's grasp, Whooves spots Bon Bon crouching under a table on the phone. "Hi, yes, I'm calling about the job posting." she says through all the noise. "Why did I leave my last job? Uh.......there was a change in management." Soon, Whooves is forced into the recycling tube by the other clones. "You can't do this!" he whines. "I designed you! Marc, your girlfriend never loved you and never will!" Marc waves with a sly smirk as the machine activates until- POOF! Whooves pops into a cloud of sparkles. The battle finally over and the tyranny finally vanquished, every clone celebrates their victory over Make-A-Match, Inc., never to be held in captivity again. Two months later... It was a normal, sunny day in Pennsylvania. Marc wakes up from a sound sleep in his new apartment. Later on in the day, he looks through a box of records at a yard sale. There, he looks at a record case with Chris Cross's face on it and chuckles to himself until a woman's hand bumps into his. "Oh, sorry." she winces. "It's-" Marc pauses as he finds himself looking at a familiar face. "H-Hey, Twilight." "Hi, Marc." she utters. "S-So, do you live around here now?" "No, I'm just actually coming back from band practice." "Oh, you're in a band now? That's pretty cool." "Yeah, I mean, we kinda suck, but we have fun.....h-how are you doing? What are you up to?" "Everything's good." Twilight nods. "My residency's good, you know, just taking it slow." "Yeah...." "It's.....it's really good to see you. We should, I don't know, get together sometime." "Yeah, definitely. It's great seeing you too." The two share a quick hug and Marc slyly slips a folded up flyer in her pocket before she takes her leave. As soon as she's far enough, Twilight opens it and reads it with a smile: ADAM and the ADAMS At Plymouth Rock TONIGHT THE END Author's Note
Match Made"So what do you do?" Marc looks up and sees a young woman sitting across from him with a blank expression on her face. "I'm sorry?" he responded. "What do you do?" she asked again. "Oh, uh, I kinda run this music blog." "Uh huh, where are you from?" "Right here, in Pennsylvania." The woman pulls out a tablet and taps it at a brisk pace without another word. "So......what's your name?" Marc asks awkwardly. "Bon Bon." she says flatly, still staring down at the tablet. "What do you do?" "I don't like to talk about work." "Look, I hate these things too. You know, I feel like everyone in the room can tell that we're on a first date." "No one's paying attention." she shrugs. "So, if you could be any animal, what animal would you be?" "This.....this isn't going very well, is it?" "Yeah, no, this is over." Bon Bon nodded. "You can go. Good luck out there." Surrounded by awkward silence, Marc grabs his things and leaves the cafe in confusion. "Well, it's official, Sunset." Marc sighs, walking into his apartment. "I'm gonna die alone." "What?" Sunset yawns, rocking herself off the living room couch. "Don't say that." "Sunny, I've looked and I've flirted with half of the women in Pennsylvania, and I'm honestly starting to think that my soul mate just doesn't exist. You know, she's like a myth, like Bigfoot!" "Dude, she exists, she's out there." Sunset reassures. "Just like Bigfoot." "Ugh, I need cider." "You're out of cider. Look, Marc, you just need to broaden your horizons. Stop meeting weird randos on the street and start meeting them online." "Online?" Marc scoffs. "Online dating?" "Yeah." "No. Look, I don't want some algorithm telling me who to hook up with, alright? I just wanna meet a cute girl, you know, with a pink streak in her hair, a cool tattoo and a pair of nice......big.........glasses. And she has to be a Rolling Toms fan." "Oddly specific, but there are 413 eligible women that are Rolling Toms fans within a 2 mile radius of this apartment." Sunset states, staring at her phone. "Wait, really, what's that?" "Make-A-Match, dude. Everyone's on it." "Why are you on it?" "I'm not on it, you are." she snickers. "I made you a profile." "What, when?" "Last night when I drank all your cider." "Sunset!" "Come on, man, look at ALL of these women. " "Alright, fine, I'll do it." Marc grunts. "But seriously, stop drinking all my cider." "No promises. I can't afford it, you can, so I drink it." "At Make-A-Match, there's someone out there for everyone." the CEO states on an internet video Marc and Sunset are watching. "Sign up today, and we'll find your 100% perfect match guaranteed. Welcome to love. Welcome to Make-A-Match." FIND YOUR PERFECT MATCH. The icon that appeared on Marc's phone said. Sunset gives him a smug grin as he taps the screen. SEARCHING FOR MATCH. It read on a pixelated heart pulsing around the screen. After a brief moment of loading- MATCH FOUND: TWILIGHT 100% MATCH "Twilight?" Marc utters. "I've met her, she's smart, she likes hanging out..." "I mean, she's cute, but this is my 100% match? I don't see a cool tattoo anywhere-" DING!!! "Oh, dude, she winked you." Sunset chuckles. "She what?" "She checked you out and she likes what she sees. Just ask her out already." "T-This is just too weird. I can't do it, I'm out, no." "Marc, you are going on a date with this girl if I have to pump you full of benzodiazepine and drag you there myself." "Fine, but only because I am desperately lonely." "Now that's the spirit!" Later that night, Marc goes down to the local bar in search of his "perfect match". There, he spots a nerdy woman with a pair of thick glasses at a table alone staring at the television. "Uh, Twilight?" he waves as he approaches her. "Oh, you must be Marc, hi." she greets warmly. "I got us two daiquiris, is that okay?" As he shakes her hand, Marc notices the long pink streak in her hair all the way down her ponytail. "Yeah, uh, actually, that's my favorite drink." Marc says in astonishment. "Mine, too." she giggles. "I like your glasses, by the way." "Oh, thanks. I wear a few with different colors once in a while. Some of them mix well with Deena." "Deena?" Twilight rolls up her sleeve to reveal an impressively detailed tattoo of a DNA strand, to Marc's shock. The evening goes on smoothly as the two share their love of music. "Are you familiar with a guy named Chris Cross?" Marc asked. "Uh, a.k.a. my childhood crush from age 14 til now." Twilight laughs. "You're kidding!" "Nope, I saw him in his last concert here years ago, I basically went through puberty on the spot." "Are you being serious, cuz I was literally at that same show." "No way." "Yes way, the way they did that double encore-" "Where they closed it off with-" "Sailing!" they said simultaneously. "Heh, you know I have been told that I bear a striking resemblance to Chris Cross." Marc chuckles. "I mean, I wouldn't say 'striking'." Twilight ponders. "But I can definitely see it." Suddenly, the catchy tune catches the two off guard. "Sailing?" Marc gasped . "Come on, how is this happening right now?" "Well......I did put it on the jukebox like five minutes ago, so..." "Oh. I see." Their friendly smiles soon fade away as they slowly lean into a deep, passionate kiss. Two months later... "Well, it's official, Sunny." Marc laughs, strolling into the apartment. "She's the one." "Wait, what?" Sunset utters. "What are you talking about?" "I'm talking about Twilight. She's.......dude, she's.....amazing! I'm gonna give her a ring. Not an engagement ring, but like a really nice ring." "..." "..." "Okay, uh, have a seat, Casanova." she sighs, scooting over as Marc plops down beside her. "How long have you seen her? A month, maybe two?" "Yeah, but.....I feel like I've known her my whole life." "Sure, but if you wanna make it to three, maybe you should cool your jets." "Alright, I get it, I understand, but we're 100% compatible. The app said so!" "Forget what the app said." "Come on, you're the one who set me up on the whole thing. Thought you'd be stoked for me." "I am, I am, it's just.......I don't wanna see you get hurt." "Alright, so.....you're saying just slow things down?" "Yes." Sunset nods. "Play it cool." "My man." "Okay." "Good." Later.... "I love you." Marc blurts out. "W-What?" Twilight says. "Twi, these last two months have been amazing and I-I just keep thinking about spending the rest of my life with you. You're my soul mate, Twilight." Twilight hangs her head, giving Marc no eye contact as she clears her throat. "A-Are you sure?" she mutters. "Are you not sure?" "L-Look, it's not you, I just.....I don't have time for anything serious right now." "But.....we've spent every single night at your place since we met." "And it's been great, it's just my residency interviews are coming up, so...." "So..." "So....maybe you should go." "Uh, o......o-okay. This is, uh, our first big fight." he chuckles sheepishly. "It's quite a milestone, huh?" "Marc, just stop." Twilight groans. "Look, someday, we're gonna look back on this and laugh." "Marc!" "Come on, we can make this work. If you wanna go slow, we'll go slow." "I'm serious, goodbye!" Confused, heartbroken with no other options, Marc heads for the door only to pause with a stern gaze. "No." he grunts. "No, I'm not gonna just walk away, I can't. Look, I know that you're scared, I'm scared too. But you and I.......we're made for each other." "I can't do this." Twilight says, pulling out her phone. "This is something that we'll tell our grandchil-" Suddenly, two strong men in all black outfits burst through the door and restrain him as Twilight watches. "Ow!" Marc yelled. "Whoa, hey, what are you guys-" His cries are silenced as a small burlap sack is thrown over his head. "I got his legs, let's move!" one of the mysterious men says. "Tech Support to HQ, Romeo is in the bag! Moving to extraction point." As the sound of a truck draws near, Marc frantically gathers all his strength to break his legs free and kicks Man #1 back long enough for him to pull the sack off and ducks as he returns with a punch, knocking out Man #2. Marc punches Man #1 down, stunning him before rushing back to the apartment. Moments later... "Sunset?" Marc pants. "Sunset, where are you?!" "Marc?" she sighs. "Sunny, I'm freaking out here." "W-What's going on?" "T-They tried to kidnap me! I-I was at Twilight's place, and-" "Wait, what's going on with Twilight?" "I-I don't know, she dumped me and then these guys-" "She dumped you?" Sunset groans. "I told you to play it cool." "Yeah, I-I know, I just-" "It's okay, come here." Sunset coos, pulling a shaken Marc into a tight bro hug. "I love her, Sunny." he sighs. "What am I gonna do?" Soon, Sunset points a taser-like gadget into Marc's neck, zapping him unconscious and dropping him. "Package is secure." she states.
100% (In)compatiblePain surges through Marc's brain when he comes to. His blurred vision subsides as he finds himself in a brightly lit room sitting across a familiar face. "Are you ready to begin?" "Bon Bon?" Marc winces. "What the hell are you talking about?" "How would you describe your performance in the relationship?" she asks, carrying a tablet. "What the hell's going on?" "Very satisfactory, satisfactory, or needs improvement?" "Why am I tied to a chair?" "We'll put 'needs improvement'." Bon Bon mutters. "Would you agree that your worst qualities are clinginess, painfully naive, and overly emotional?" "No, I wouldn't, where the hell am I?!" "Exit interview. Wait, did you not get debriefed?" "Debriefed?" Bon Bon sighs and pulls out a remote, bringing down a large tv screen. "Please watch this informational video." The screen clicks on, showing footage of a tall man "Hi, I'm Doctor 'Time Turner' Whooves, founder and CEO of Make-A-Match, and I'd like to say thank you, for it's biogenetic love companions like you that make what we do absolutely possible." "Bio-whaa?" Marc slurs. "Ever feel like you were made for someone?" Whooves continues. "You were! Bred here in the Genesis Vats at Make-A-Match Heartquarters, your genome, personality, and artificial memories were hand crafted by literal love doctors to the EXACT specifications of your romantic partner. But love doesn't always work out-" "Tell me about it." Marc groans. "Which brings you here to the returns department. Good news: since the Sentient Life Form Protection Act forbids us from terminating you against your will, you'renow free to live out your days in blissful servitude at Make-A-Match, Inc." "U-Uh, no. I don't wanna do that, I wanna go home-" "This is your home now, so make the most of it. Career opportunities include: genesis vat repair, custodial services, technical support. That is all. And if you really wanna take your career to the next level, volunteer for our biomatter recycling program and be a part of the next generation of Make-A-Match companions. As a scientist myself, I assure you it's 100% fun." In the background, someone steps into a recycling pod and pops into a cheap effect of sparkles, startling Marc. "Thanks for watching and welcome to life after love." "So, you're telling me that I'm not an indie music blogger?" "Of course not." Bon Bon scoffs. "Have you seen your apartment?" "Okay, well, if I have all these fake implants of memories, then tell me, what'd I do for my eighth birthday?" "You went to a water park." "Okay then, what about my ninth birthday?" "I don't remember all of your birthdays. Any further questions can be directed to your group." Bon Bon activates a door and ushers Marc in. Inside, to his shock, is four versions of himself, each with different personalities and attire. "Oh, hi, Marc." one greets happily. "Uh....." Marc utters. "Come on, let me give you the warp speed tour." Bon Bon continues down the hallway as Marc pulls Marc inside the room. "This is Marc 1. He was Twilight's first companion." "Piss off." Marc 1 sighs, bouncing a ball off the wall. "He was hers for three months up until Marc 2 came around." "Sup, bro." Marc 2 grunts, lifting dumbbells. Then there was Marc 3." "Namaste." Marc 3 whispers, splashing paint on a canvas. "And, last but not least, there's me. Marc 4." "Nice to meet.......me." Marc "So, uh, what was it this time?" "Uh......I told her I loved her." Every Marc in the room responded with groans and scoffs and sighs and winces. "Don't listen to these guys, 'kay?" Marc 4 says. "They're still hung up on her.......but, how is she doing?" "S-She's doing great." Marc states. "She's finishing up med school, she's talking to her sister again, she's happy. She's growing out her vinyl collection. You know, next week, we're-" The small smile that had grew on his face soon fades away, as well as the smiles on the other Marcs. "Next week, we were supposed to go to a concert." Marc 4 gives Marc a light pat on the back as every other Marc continue their day in complete silence. "This is your home now." Whooves' voice chimes on the intercom. And so, Marc spends many, many days going through the monotonous life of Make-A-Match, Inc., waking up in the same colorless bed, eating the same unidentifiable pink slime, monitoring the same cloning pod that's slowly conceiving a brand new Marc, drawing Twilight's DNA tattoo on the wall for each day, rinse and repeat. One day, Bon Bon strolls down the hallway, Marc accidentally bumps into her, making her drop her clipboard. "Damn it!" she grunts. "U-Uh, oh, I am so sorry." Marc winces, handing her the clipboard. "I am so sorry. I'm such a klutz." "What's your version number?" "It's, uh, Marc 5, ma'am. I-It won't happen again." "Let's hope not." "Absotively." he mutters. "I-I mean, absolutely, of course." Bon Bon rolls her eyes and carries on with her day. As she steps out of sight, Marc stares at Bon Bon's ID hidden behind his back with a sly grin before running the other way towards a door marked "RESTRICTED" where Marc 4 stands by. "Dude, come on, don't torture yourself like this." he moans. "Just keep an eye out." Marc says, unlocking the door with the ID. Marc 4 holds the door ajar as Marc heads inside where "Alright, here we go." he says to himself analyzing the tech. Searching through the computer's windows, he finds a profile containing Marcs 1-5 and notices a 6th and looks over its stats. "How can we improve your love companion?" Marc reads aloud. "Improve your love companion." Marc 4 scoffs. "Occupation........lawyer?" "Pffft, a lawyer.....actually, that's good." On the screen appeared Twilight's "requests": - SMARTER - TALLER - BETTER KISSER - LESS CLINGY - MORE CONFIDENT - FAVORITE MUSIC: "ANYTHING BUT INDIE ROCK" "Hey, did she keep anything?" asked Marc 4. Marc stares blankly at the screen. ".......nothing." he utters. A few days later, Marc lies under his bedsheets moaning in despair. "What's up with him?" Marc 2 asks. "They're activating the new Marc today." Marc 4 states, brushing his teeth. "Think he's taking it pretty hard. You know, he hasn't eaten in days?" "Jeez." "We need to get him to open up." Meanwhile, in another part of Make-A-Match, Inc., Bon Bon interviews the clone in a cafe setting. "So, what do you do?" she asks. "I'm a lawyer." he says nonchalantly. "I work downtown." "Uh huh, and where are you from?" "Pennsylvania, born and raised." "If you could be any animal, what kind of animal would you be?" "I'd be a shark. 'Cuz they never stop moving. Neither do I. But you know what, enough about me, right? Let's talk about you." "I'm good, thank-" "You like music? 'Cuz I don't, especially indie rock, ugh." As Bon Bon continues to mark off her tablet's checklist, the other Marcs ease their way towards their grieving brother. "Sad bro," Marc 2 calls out. "You okay over there?" "Alright, buddy." Marc 1 sighs, reaching for the covers. "Time to wipe away those tears, and kick the day's ass- AHHHHHHHH!!!" Every Marc screams as they find themselves staring down at a naked, pale Marc clone screaming back at them. Back at the 'cafe'... "Look, I'm an upfront guy." Marc shrugs. "I don't see this going anywhere, so, what do you say we call it?" "This is over, you can go." Bon Bon says flatly. "Good luck out there." "Absotively." Bon Bon's eyes widen as she stares back at Marc. "I mean, -lutely." Marc mutters before heading for the doors. "Hey." Bon Bon calls, stopping the man in his tracks. "What's your model number?" "Six." "CODE SAPPHIRE!" she exclaims. "REPEAT, CODE SAPPHIRE!" Cover blown, Marc dashes for the door as sirens wailed around the room. Fellow 'patrons' of the cafe lunge from their seats narrowly missing him from all angles. Suddenly, Sunset tackles him and roughly zaps him in the neck, knocking him out once more. "Marc?" a voice echoed as Marc awakens from a head throbbing slumber. "Marc, wake up." The groggy man lifts his head and finds CEO Doctor 'Time Turner' Whooves himself casually cutting a hunk of steak with with a knife and fork. "I'm proud of ya, lad." Whooves nods. "I really am." "Huh?" Marc slurs. "I mean, most companions would never dream of escaping, but you, you really would do anything to be with her again." "Whooves..." "I know how hard it is, how bad it hurts." "Like hell you do." Marc coughs. "You get to leave here. You get to go home to someone you love." "Well......not exactly." Whooves sighs. "Truth be told, she was like my Twilight. It wasn't until she died that I realized how rare true love is and how awful life is without it. And that's what this place is all about. There is NOT someone out there for everyone, but there should be." "Marc, do you want to live in a cold, cramped cage day after day, OR use your God-given gifts to make someone smile? You were BORN to love Twilight, mind, body and soul. It is your purpose, and you can fulfill that purpose again.....by being a part of the new Marc. Through his eyes, you can see her smile again." "The recycling tube." Marc says, eyes widened. "Cows don't leave the slaughterhouse, lad." Whooves states. "Steaks do." Marc looks down at the table as Whooves slides the plate of steak towards him. "Chew on that." he whispers in his ear before leaving him in the quiet room.
CompatibleA menacing, bloody red light bathes the dark, wide room as Marc steps nervously towards the futuristic recycling tube. Soon, while thinking long and hard about his decision. Sunset steps into the room behind him. "Hey." she utters clearing her throat. "Oh, hey, Sunset." Marc chimes, not taking his eyes away from the tube. "You gonna stab me in the neck again?" "Are you seriously gonna kill yourself?" "I guess I am, Sunny." "L-Look, how about a farewell toast, huh?" she says, pulling out two mugs of cider. "Come on, last meal?" The scent of apples tears his attention away from the tube and he finally caves. "Hey, to the best fake roommate I've ever had." Sunset toasts. "Sorry you're a clone." "It's fine, I guess." Marc shrugs, sipping his drink. "Heh, the new Marc only drinks scotch. What a douche, right?" Finishing his beverage, Marc takes a long, deep sigh without cracking a smile. "I keep telling myself to forget her, Sunny." he says. "But I wasmade for her. So what the hell am I without her? Whooves was right. I have to do this." Marc flips a switch, opening the door of the glass tube. As he prepares to seal his fate, Sunset sneaks up behind him and once again zaps him in the neck. "Damn it, Sun..." he sighs, passing out in her arms. "Ugh, what the buck am I doing?" Sunset winces, lowering his body down and taking a huge swig of cider. "Wake up." SLAP!!! "OW!" Marc exclaims, waking from another mini coma. "Sunset, what the buck?!" "Shut up." she grunts, typing on a keyboard in front of him. "You're gonna get me fired." Through his blurred vision, Marc finds himself back in the restricted room watching Sunset quickly pulling up Twilight's profile under "CUSTOMER VIDEOS". "I've already been here, Sunny, alright, I've seen all this." "Not this." Eventually, a video of Twilight appears onscreen. "What is this?" Marc asks. "Just watch, dude." Sunset shushes him. "Okay, so, um....my last relationship ended in a pretty painful place." Twilight states. "We were together for four years, and.......I thought he was the one. And then he cheated on me, and then he left..." "I don't want to watch this, alright?" Marc groans. "Just turn it off, Sunny." "Just watch, trust me." she nods. "I was a mess." Twilight continued. "My grades ranked and I almost lost my scholarship. So, I-I can't let that happen again. I have to stay focused. I just.....I'm really lonely." "You've come to the right place, Twilight." a woman's voice stated. "Let Make-A-Match help you create your ideal companion." "I still can't believe I'm doing this." Twilight sniffles. "Lots of first-timers feel that way, but Make-A-Match guarantees we'll make the perfect companion for your needs, everything from personality, type, occupation, looks-" "Could he.......look like Chris Cross?" "We'll get to that, but let's start with the basics. Describe the qualities you want in your ideal companion." "I-I don't know, I guess.....I just want someone who's loyal.....and honest. Kind." For the first time in WEEKS, a teary eyed Marc gives a small smile as Sunset pauses the footage. "You know who you are without her?" she asks. "You're loyal, you're honest, and your kind. It's gotta be worth something." Marc stares at the paused clip of Twilight, tears streaming down his cheek. Later that day, during lunchtime, Marc picks at his bowl with the the other Marcs in complete silence. Eventually, on the radio in the cafeteria, it played... "Would somebody please turn that shit OFF?" Marc 1 grunts. "She even took this song from me." Marc 4 sighs. "No." Marc shook his head. "This song still rules. Just listen." "Bro, everything this song means to us is a lie." Marc 2 states. "Who cares? It's still a really great song. I mean, 'Sailing' is beautiful on its own. God damn it, so are we." Guards scattered around in the room all notice Marc as he stands boldly from his seat and attracts every other clone's attention. "What are we even doing here, you guys?" Marc continues. "Just gorging on self pity and.......whatever the hell that pink stuff is. We can't let one relationship define our whole lives. We're more than that, and we deserve more than that." "Marc 5, resume your gruel eating." a guard growls. "We are who we are, not who they made us to be." Marc says louder. "We may have been built to order, but we were born to be free-" WHACK! the guard knocks Marc down with his baton, shocking everyone. "Marc 5 is wrong." the guard snorted. "Companions are legal property of Make-" POW! Marc 4 knocks the guard out cold with a lunch tray. "LET'S BURN THIS MOTHER DOWN!!!" he yells in triumph. Every clone in the room cheer in uproarious applause, high fives all around. "And so it begins." Marc coughs as Marc 4 helps him up. Elsewhere, Whooves watches the whole entire commotion through a security camera. "Can I get a containment unit to sector 4 now, please?" he winces. Guards heavily equip themselves and flood the hallways toward the cafeteria as every clone line up, awaiting trouble while armed with kitchen utensils and trays. Soon, a group of guards burst through the lunchroom doors and form a wall with their shields in front of the only exit in the room. "Attention, companions." Whooves says on the intercom. "You are in violation of employee guidelines. Please lower your.....weapons, lie on the floor and the punishment squad will-" CHARRRRRRRRRRRGE!!!" Marc roars. And so, the clone war began. Cries of triumph filled the room and the thirst for freedom never ceased. Guards went flying and clones kept charging. "Hey!" Whooves yells. "Stop fighting the punishment squad! Code Sapphire, Code Sapphire, damn it! Exterminate on sight!" Some clones force feed guards pink gruel, others held them in chokeholds, others scratch them up with plastic spoons. "Article 3, Section 7: Expressions of free will and independent thought are strictly prohibited!" Whooves continues. "You were built to love and obey, that is your purpose. Adhere, do your purpose!" Guards beaten and thrown into piles, the clone army take their battle facility wide. Whooves watches in horror as the clones shut off the security cameras one by one, getting closer towards his location. "Someone get up here and save me!" he pants into a walkie talkie. In one of the remaining cameras, Whooves spots Marc sprinting down the hallway. "There is nothing out there for you, Marc. This is where you belong. I am your father, and you will do what Daddy demands!" On the spot, clones break the door down and drag the pleading founder out of the room and down the hallways. While struggling to escape his captors's grasp, Whooves spots Bon Bon crouching under a table on the phone. "Hi, yes, I'm calling about the job posting." she says through all the noise. "Why did I leave my last job? Uh.......there was a change in management." Soon, Whooves is forced into the recycling tube by the other clones. "You can't do this!" he whines. "I designed you! Marc, your girlfriend never loved you and never will!" Marc waves with a sly smirk as the machine activates until- POOF! Whooves pops into a cloud of sparkles. The battle finally over and the tyranny finally vanquished, every clone celebrates their victory over Make-A-Match, Inc., never to be held in captivity again. Two months later... It was a normal, sunny day in Pennsylvania. Marc wakes up from a sound sleep in his new apartment. Later on in the day, he looks through a box of records at a yard sale. There, he looks at a record case with Chris Cross's face on it and chuckles to himself until a woman's hand bumps into his. "Oh, sorry." she winces. "It's-" Marc pauses as he finds himself looking at a familiar face. "H-Hey, Twilight." "Hi, Marc." she utters. "S-So, do you live around here now?" "No, I'm just actually coming back from band practice." "Oh, you're in a band now? That's pretty cool." "Yeah, I mean, we kinda suck, but we have fun.....h-how are you doing? What are you up to?" "Everything's good." Twilight nods. "My residency's good, you know, just taking it slow." "Yeah...." "It's.....it's really good to see you. We should, I don't know, get together sometime." "Yeah, definitely. It's great seeing you too." The two share a quick hug and Marc slyly slips a folded up flyer in her pocket before she takes her leave. As soon as she's far enough, Twilight opens it and reads it with a smile: ADAM and the ADAMS At Plymouth Rock TONIGHT THE END Author's Note
