The shaking of the train car wakes me up. I had been leaning against a window to my right and had dozed off. I look to my right to see my beautiful wife, Princess Twilight Sparkle, deeply invested in a book on botany. I look ahead and see our two children; to the left our daughter Melody Skys, light purple fur with a dark brown mane, pegasus aged 16; and to the right our son Ivory Spark, green fur black mane, unicorn aged 10. I give off a smile as they too are both invested in reading material, I, on the other hand, am not that big into reading, wonder where they got that trait from.
My name is Anonymous. I'm 40 years old and have lived in Equestria for 22 years. I came here for reasons I'm not too sure of but learned to cope very quick, I joined the Equestrian military at the age of 20 and not too long after had begun dating my Twilight Sparkle, we were really good friends and after I came back from basic training she'd confessed her love to me. I couldn't lie to her, as I had developed similar feelings to her, we began dating as best we could and eventually marrying when I was 24. She was the first to find me; she took me in and gave me a home. She had suggested I join due to my stature and intimidating appearance, I was apprehensive at first but soon caved in. We had our first right after we got married and second six years after, and I've got to say I couldn't be happier. Before I came here I had no friends, was forced to live on my own and debt up to my eyeballs. I'd barely graduated high school and my credit was already terrible, I was sure how I would last without getting a third job and I was biding my options. One day though I didn't wake up in my bed, I woke up in the ever free forest.
Fast forward to present day, we are currently on a train to Canterlot; we had just spent a week in Manehattan on vacation from normality; Twilight and myself have been exhausted from ruling over Equestria; she came into power while I was in basic training but once we married I could no longer serve and was honorably discharged. It does feel good to do right by our citizens but it can be exhausting, we try to take a family trip once a year to not only alleviate our stress but to let our kids see the world a bit; I never got to do that when I was their age, it's only fair that they're allowed to. Last year we saw the Griffon Empire and the year before Fillydelphia.
Another shake breaks me from my thoughts, and I lean back before giving off a yawn.
"Did you sleep well hun? Twilight asks.
I nod, "Yeah, wish it could have been longer,"
She giggles before continuing her reading, I look to see Ivory reading a book but I can't quite see the title.
"What're you reading there sport?" I ask.
Without looking up from his book, he says, "The Principles of Quantum Mechanics,"
"Wow, fairly advanced for your age don't you think?"
He nods, still reading; I sigh smiling, "Just like your mother,"
I look to my daughter, "What about you Mel, what're you reading?"
"Have you ever killed anypony, dad?" Melody asks, looking from her book.
The breath is pulled from my lungs, and the air goes cold, I look to my wife who has a disappointed look on her face.
"Melody Skys! What in Equestria is wrong with you? How could you ask your father a question like that?" Twilight asks in a heated tone.
"But mom, he was in the military during the war between Nova Griffonia and Yakyakistan, it says here that ponies, griffons and yaks were ki-"
"I understand that, but you can't just ask somepony a question like that. You need to consider his feelings, you don't know how somepony can react, especially to a question like that,"
I still haven't reacted to the question, not because my 16-year-old daughter asked the question, but because I already knew the answer. I place a hand on my wife's hoof before saying, "Honey, why don't you take Ivory to the cafe cart, I need to have a talk with Melody,"
Twilight's eye widened a little as she looked to me, " Are you sure?" She asks rubbing my hand softly.
I nod, "I'm fairly sure she can handle it, she is old enough,"
"But can you handle it?"
I nod, "I can handle it, go on and get you and Ivory some dinner,"
She sighs before kissing my cheek, holding her lips to my cheek for a few seconds before separating. "Are you feeling hungry Ivory?" She asks.
"But Mom, I want to hear dad's story," He protests.
"Not now sweetie, you'll learn when you're older,"
He sighs before following her out of our train car. I look back up to my daughter before patting Twilight's empty seat. She sets her book aside and moves next to me, still not saying anything. We sat there for what felt like an eternity, neither of us wanting to speak. I finally decide to break the silence.
"So, where did that question come from?"
She sighs before saying, "Well, I got to the part of my history book the goes over the war between Nova Griffonia and Yakyakistan. It started in the year 1105 and ended in 1116, it says that death was found on both sides of the conflict,"
I nod, she continues, "You enlisted in 1114 and served until 1118, meaning you served in wartime?"
"Yes I did, I even saw a tour of Yakyakistan, it lasted 6 months and it changed my life," I say, looking at the floor.
She places a hoof on my arm before saying, "Y-you don't have to tell me, it's ok,"
I shake my head, "I do, you deserve to know. I was on guard duty near the Griffon border, and we were assigned an area to watch over, it was just myself along with two stallions and a mare,"
June 18th, 1115; 20 miles from the Griffon Border
The sun is at its highest point, with no clouds in sight and no wind to be felt. I glance at the thermometer hanging on the inside of our small outpost, it reads -4 degrees Celsius (25 degrees Fahrenheit), a chill runs down my spine as I take a look through my scope. Myself along with three other ponies are on watch in the Yakyakistan mountains, sightings of Griffons slipping passed the border have been reported and due to the ongoing conflict are considered threats. Our outpost is about 5 miles for our duty station; myself along with a unicorn mare are keeping an eye on the hills with rifle and spotting scope, and two stallions both pegasus stopping any carriages passing through on the road we're posted at.
I lean back in my chair and set my rifle down before picking up my binoculars to take a better look at our surroundings, we have about a 140-degree field of view but have only spotted a couple of Yaks passing through. We're in a range of mountains, a taller one in front of us with smaller ridges and peaks going down its side, small ridges but still big enough to hide any passing by creatures. The scenery is surreal, there are about two feet of snow covering the flatter areas. There are only a couple of trails to be spotter in the enormous view.
"You see anything," my spotter asks.
I shake my head, putting down my binoculars, "Not yet,"
She leans forward in her chair and rubs her front hooves together trying to keep warm; her name is Clear Sighted, and her name sure as hell didn't lie. She could pass an eye test from 50 feet, reading the small letters. She's a little older than myself, around 24 or 25; mane is dyed black and fur is green. She looks to me before saying, "I could really go for a pint right about now, you?"
I shrug looking through my binoculars again, "I wasn't really much of a drinker, my father was an alcoholic and I really don't aspire to follow in his path," I look at her before saying, "But yeah, right about now with this cold weather, maybe two pints would be good,"
She smirks before using her magic to drink from her canteen, she takes a few gulps before putting it back down. I reach into my breast pocket and pull out a picture of Twilight and myself; it was from our first date, her and I are smiling and have an arm around each other. I smile before putting in back into my pocket.
Clear asks, "What's it like? Dating the princess,"
I sigh, smiling before saying, "It's not the princess part that makes it interesting, it's the pony part of it,"
She gives an odd look, I continue, "Where I come from an interspecies relationship was, well, unheard of. My race was the only one with any real ability to speak, more or less have any sort of knowledge enough to communicate effectively with humans,"
Her odd look was no accompanied with a tilted head, I say, "Imagine if ponies were the only race you could be in a relationship with, and instead of griffons and yaks being knowledgeable and being able to speak; they had the same coherence of a fish or dog,"
"Hey, dogs are very smart," She retorts.
I nod, "They are, but they lack the ability to speak and effectively convey information; would you have a relationship with a dog?"
"N-No, I think I get what you mean," she says, understanding.
I put down my binoculars, "I didn't think I could love a pony until I made a best friend, and then left her for two months; being apart that long made me realize how much I care for her. Pony or not, I love her; and I would do anything for her. It's crazy how much a few years can change someone,"
She nods, smiling a little before looking back into her spotting scope. I take a sip from my canteen, the cold water relieving and the dryness leaving my mouth. I can see her breath with how cold it is, I give off a sigh and smile a little looking at the vastness of the mountains.
"Hey, I've got some activity, one Griffon coming out from a break in the hills," she says.
I grab my rifle and steady it on the railing in front of us, I take off the safety but rest my finger on the trigger guard. My rifle is similar to a Radical RF-10, .308 caliber, 8.5-25x50mm scope, carbon heat-resistant muzzle brake, and an effective range of 800 meters. It was hoof-crafted for me after I finished basic training; the scope can be traded out for iron sights, and muzzle brake for a suppressor. They said I'd need a weapon suited for me, the rifles that ponies use are smaller and kind of awkward without hooves.
"Should we engage?" I ask.
"I'm not sure, give me a sec," She says before activating her radio, "Lieutenant Haste, we've got contact about 1000 meters out. Griffon, appears armed but hasn't spotted us, are we clear to engage?"
A few seconds pass, I'm still following the Griffon with my scope, breathing slowly. The air is tense, you could hear a pin drop in the snow; it's not long before she gets a response.
"You're clear to engage Anon," she says hesitantly.
I could feel my heart drop, yeah sure it was wartime but we rarely had any sightings of Griffons this far into Zebra territory, and we got to engage almost never. We're usually instructed to fire warning shots, but almost never given clearance to engage fully.
"Look you're gonna miss anyway with how far out he is, just scare him or something," she says, I shrug but still take aim. I dial in my scope and take aim, if I want to scare him I can't hit too far away, he has to know I can still hit him. I adjust for windage, distance, and height difference; I inhale and squeeze the trigger slowly before exhaling.
BANG!
The kick and the sound occur simultaneously, the kick wasn't too bad and the sound was blocked mostly by my earplugs. My hands are clammy at the sight, I didn't miss at all; the shot was clean in the side of his head.
"Celestia almighty Anon, you got him," Clear says in shock and excitement, I was appalled, to say the least. I could see how red the snow was becoming, it was a lot of blood, to say the least.
"Hey there are two more, they're checking out their buddy's body," She continues.
I take aim and load another shell into the chamber shortly before sending off another shot.
BANG!
Without hesitation, I reload and see that the third reaching for his rifle, not fast enough though as I already have him in my sights.
BANG!
The heat from the barrel now has steam coming off of it due to the condensation and heat. I back off my rifles cheek rest and slouch in my chair, the rifle feeling heavier than before. Time feels slow and my hands are shaky, I set down my rifle and take a drink of water.
"Y-you did it. Holy shit, you got all three of them!" Clear says in awe.
"What's with all of the yelling?" asks one of the two stallions, both I can hear approaching from behind.
"The human just took out three of them for 1000 yards!"
"No way, let me see," He says grabbing and looking through the binoculars. I am still trying to recover from the shock still, but already I can feel pats on my back.
"Hell yeah Anon, way to go!" I can hear, not sure from who though, my eyes haven't left the three bodies. My mind was
racing; what would the Lieutenant say, what would my friends say, what would-"
"Your mother say? I was so scared, I cried that night when we got back to base. It took me years to get over it, I didn't tell your mother until after you were born,"
Melody sits in shock and utter disbelief, "W-what made you tell mom?"
I feel a small pain in my chest. I try to shield any sigh of weakness around my children, but now I can't, my face gets hot and
I start to tremble.
"I-It's ok Dad, please, you can tell me," Melody says, rubbing my arm and tears in her eyes.
I'm getting glassy-eyed, and I can feel my nose tingle too, I hate crying, always have. I nod before saying, "It was a month or so after you were born, the three of us were in the Crystal Empire. Myself along with your mother, aunt and uncle were talking over some drinks. Uncle Shining asked me jokingly, but I couldn't really lie,"
December 28th, 1118 - Crystal Empire
Twilight and I had just put Melody down to sleep after dinner and Shining Armor had invited us to chat over drinks and cigars. We agreed of course and followed him downstairs to a hidden room.
"Here we are," He says stopping us in the middle of a hallway.
"W-where? There's no door," I say.
He smirks before activating a secret door with his magic, the five-foot-wide section slides into the wall before sliding left revealing a hallway with light only coming from the end where the room is.
"Come," he says before leading us in. Twilight giggles at the shock on my face before going ahead of me. I follow close behind, the smell of cigar smoke fills the air as we walk down the thirty feet of hallway. The wall closes behind us and not too long after we are greeted by Cadence who is sitting on a love seat to the left. The room is a decent size; three leather love seats surrounding an oak coffee table. On the table is a glass of red wine in front of Cadence. In front of the table is a fireplace and above that are pictures of loved ones accompanied by Cadence and Shing's wedding photo. The left side of the room is a wall with an array of humidors arranged on shelves, and the back wall has a bar with an array of liquors. There is a door on the right of the bar that Shining is just now walking through.
"Anon, Twilight, glad you could make it," Cadence says in a cheery tone. Her crown and shoes are in the corner by Shining's armor stand.
"Well it would have been rude not to accept," Twilight says sitting in the love seat closest to the hallway, I sit next to her and she leans on my left side.
"This room is beautiful, I'm astounded," I say to Cadence.
"Thank you, we typically use this room when we want to get away from everypony and wind down. Gives us a chance to stretch and de-stress," Cadence replies, levitating her glass of wine to her lips, taking a sip.
"Definitely a stress reliever, what's your drink Anon?" Shining asks coming from the backroom.
"Whiskey please," I say.
"And cigar?" He asks.
I shake my head, "No thanks,"
He nods before making my drink and levitating it in front of me; I take it in my hand and swish it around before putting my nose in the glass and taking a deep inhale, it has a light floral scent with hints of spicy wood. I take a small sip and swish it in my mouth before swallowing, it tastes spicy and nutty with hints of vanilla and is very smooth going down.
"Wow," I say shocked, "That's the best whiskey I've ever tasted."
I take another sip, drinking a little more than last time; it burns just enough and has a sweet sherry after taste.
"It's what I prefer, very hard to get ahold of and is only made in the Kingdom of Vedina," He says pouring himself a glass.
"Wait," Twilight says, "Aren't Vedina and Nova Griffonia allies,"
"Technically yes and technically no," I say studying the glass, "Although I'm not too sure how I feel drinking alcohol produced
by Griffons," I finish in a monotone voice.
Shining replies, "Oh come on Anonymous, don't sound so down. Sure you were in the service, but it's not like you actually
killed anypony over there,"
The once warm and uplifting room now turns cold, I hold my glass in both hands and only look down into the liquor.
"Shining, that isn't funny," Cadence scolds her husband; he walks around to sit in front of Twilight and myself, cigar in mouth.
"What? It's not like he actually killed anypony, tell her Anon you totally didn't," Shining says giving off a chuckle.
I still haven't looked up from my glass; my hands start to shake a little.
"Anon? Is everything ok?" Twilight asks, rubbing my back.
I only shake my head, I then finish my glass of whiskey and set it on the table before looking up at Shining.
"What's up dude, something I say?" He asks with a somewhat worried tone.
I can't make out the words and lean against my wife, looking for comfort. I feel my eye get glassy and gilt fill me.
"Honey, what's wrong? You can tell us," Twilight says holding me now.
"Was it what Shining said?" Cadence asks.
I shake my head before saying, "N-no, h-he didn't do anything w-wrong. He didn't know,"
"Didn't know what sweetie?" My wife asks.
"I-I killed, when I was on tour in Yakyakistan," I say trembling, tears running down my face; I hear all three gasp and I see
Cadence drops her glass to the floor in shock.
"Y-you what?" Twilight asks, worried."
"I killed when I was on my tour of Yakyakistan," I say again, my voice more clear.
"Oh my gosh Anon, w-why didn't you tell me sooner?" Twilight asks in a worried tone.
"I was scared that you would be afraid of me, I didn't want to lose you or Melody," I say as I start to cry into Twilights fur, she holds me close to her, rubbing my back and nuzzling the top of my head.
"I'm not afraid of you, I'm worried about you," Twilight says, her voice now trembling and tears in her eyes, "You've been dealing with this all alone, feeling like you can't talk to anypony about it, you must have been so scared,"
I nod pulling away, "I feel so ashamed of my self, so guilty to have done what I did," I look to the floor before continuing, "I took three lives from this world; lives that had families, wives, kids. All for what, some stupid war I chose to put myself into,"
"Hey now," Cadence says, she stands and walks over to me before sitting to my right and offering a comforting hoof on my shoulder, "It's not your fault, you joined to protect your country, it could have happened to anypony dear,"
"But I pulled the trigger," I say looking at her.
"Were you ordered too or was it out of choice?" Cadence asks.
"I was ordered to, my spotter radioed the Lieutenant for confirmation on what to do, and he gave the order to shoot,"
"Then there you go, don't think of you killing, think of it as him killing,"
I shake my head before saying, "I can't just think like that though, whether he gave the order or not, I still made the choice," I rest my elbows on my knees, tears still in my eyes. My wife kisses and nuzzles my left cheek, holding my hand with her hoof trying to comfort me.
"I never even knew them; they could have been very nice; I-I can't live without knowing the answer to that,"
"Everything's going to be ok Anonymous," Twilight says, "When we get back home we're going to get you some help,"
"Like, therapy?" I ask a little worried.
"Yes dear, you need it, and I'm going to be there with you; I can't bear to see you like this one more second," She pecks my
cheek again.
"You'll be there with me?"
"Of course I will, you mean the world to me, I want to make sure you're getting the help you need. I understand you don't like to show these kinds of emotions, but you can't keep things like this bottled up.,"
I nod understanding; she turns my head towards her before saying, "I love you too much to let you get hurt from it, from now on you need to tell me when you're feeling this way; no hiding feelings, and no holding back tears. I will never judge you for it and help you cope with your feelings, understands?"
I nod, tears starting to dry up. She then smiles before kissing me on the lips, I kiss back not breaking away for what felt like
forever, she brings a hoof to my left cheek and rubs it softly, comforting me.
"And from there I received two therapy sessions a week for the next couple months; eventually it being dialed back to once a month and now
"O-oh my gosh dad, I'm so sorry. I should have never asked you that, you probably hate me now," Melody says through tears; she slouches looking to the floor.
"Melody, I could never hate you; sometimes these kinds of questions need to be asked, you were bound to find out at some point, it was just a matter of time,"
"But Dad, I made you cry, y-you never cry," She says looking up at me.
"Oh honey," I say pulling her close and hugging her, "I cry all of the time,"
"Really?" Melody asks looking up at me.
I nod, "Only when I'm alone with your mom, I never wanted you or Ivory to see me like this, but I guess it was bound to
happen," I say looking down, my eyes drying up.
"It's ok to cry in front of me, I'm always here for you Dad,"
I smile, "Thanks Mel, I really appreciate it," I say squeezing her tight.
She hugs squeezing just as hard, she smiles back and utters a squee, making me chuckle.
"Hey there, just wanted to check up on you two to see if everything was going alright," Twilight says with a smile on her face.
"I think it went better than expected, what do you think Melody?" I ask looking down at her.
"It was a heart to heart conversation we definitely needed to have; I'm just glad he was honest with me, that's all I could have asked for," Melody says looking up at me with a smile.
"Come on you two, let's go and have some dinner, I'm not sure how long our waitress can color with Ivory while at work," Twilight says with a giggle.
I nod and Melody gets off the seat before making her way toward the dining cart, I'm about to get up before I'm stopped by Twilight placing a hoof on my chest. She looks into my eyes before pulling me into a passionate kiss, we held it for what felt likes minutes before separating.
"I'm so happy I got to marry you," She says blushing a little.
I hold her hoof with my hand, rubbing my thumb across it, "I'm so happy I got to marry you too sweetheart, I love you so much,"
She smiles, getting glassy-eyed, "I love you too dear,"
I pull her into a loving embrace which she returns, I nuzzle my face into her neck not wanting to leave her warmth.
"Come on dear," Twilight says rubbing the back of my head softly, "Let's go eat, I bet you're really hungry,"
I nod before standing up and letting her lead, "After you,"
"Why thank you, such a gentleman," Twilight says before taking the lead.
I smile at her following along, I'm so happy with the family I have; loving wife, kind and understanding daughter, and a very smart son. As we walk along I start to think of the future and what it possibly hold, and then I'm struck with a realization; I'm going to have to tell Ivory what I just told Melody. Sure it will be in five to six years, but it feels like it was only just yesterday we were celebrating Melody's tenth birthday, and very soon I will have to tell my son that I have in fact killed someone.
