Sticky, Stained And Otherwise Fouled Up

by dawnbreez

Rating: mature
Tags: Big Macintosh, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Porn, Comedy, Sex, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1741

Twilight finds a rather sticky article of clothing and has many questions.

Far, far in the future of Equestria, the tailoring industry has picked up on some very specific tastes. Twilight, in her authority as the Princess, does not like it one bit.

Written for the Twirugumi writing challenge thingy organized on the FiMFic Discord. Contains implied roleplaying and one very angry purple smart. Bonus chapter contains actual lewd.

Published 2019-12-07 18:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-12-07 18:40:01 UTC

Explain, Please

The sound of stomping hooves filled the Castle of the Princess of Friendship. It has been many, many moons since the last time anypony was this mad, and as the offended pony stomps and stamps and growls, it becomes clear that not just anypony has been pissed off.

"SPIKE!" Twilight shouted as she burst into her throne room, a purple garment trailing through the air behind her regally-extended mane. "Care to explain THIS!?"

It was a set of pajamas. Specifically, a kind often referred to by the Neighponese as a "kirugumi". It was also very clearly crusted with something that used to be incredibly sticky. Spike went wide-eyed.

"Uh--it's a kind of pajamas," he said. "The Neighponese call it a--"

"I know what it's called!" Twi shouted. Since growing to full Alicorn height, she had become significantly louder, and it took a moment for Spike to regain his balance. "What I want to know," she growled, "is why it is currently covered in semen."

"Seamen? But Equestria hasn't had a navy for--"

"CUM!" Twilight screamed. "Spunk! Jizz! Cock sauce! Foal batter! The tears of the one-eyed serpent!"

"...oh," Spike mumbled from behind the Throne of Friendship. Twilight groaned as she walked up the steps to her throne, flopping onto it in a manner more becoming of a mare approximately half her size.

"...I'm sorry, Spike. I feel more than a little confused," she said with a sigh.

And in that moment, she remembered that the friendship council was today.

"Sorry I'm late, Twilight, I had to speak with the Saddle Arabians again, you would not believe wha-ha-HA!?" Rarity squeaked. "What--you--Twilight, honestly, I know you've always been a little self-centered, but this is ridiculous."

"Rarity! Thank goodness you're--what? No! No, this--I didn't use this--"

"Twilight, darling, everypony has a kink. Some ponies have a lot of kinks."

"Rarity, I found this one."

"Of course you did, darling. Now--"

AJ and Rainbow pushed open the door, bickering over chores as usual--and stopping to stare at Twilight, who was still cradling the Twi-rugumi in a levitation field.

"...ah reckon this was a bad time."

"Oh, sweet! Twi got one of those too!" A moment later, Rainbow blushed as Applejack shot her a look--specifically, Look number 347, "Stop talking about what we do in bed", not that Twilight recognizes it.

"It's not mine! I found it in the bushes outside," Twilight muttered. Her friends responded with a chorus of knowing looks and mm-hmms.

A hole in reality quietly tore itself open next to them, as Fluttershy stepped in. Fluttershy, upon seeing the Twirugumi, immediately stepped out. Hushed conversation wafts through the Chaos portal, and Flutters steps back in, blushing furiously and clutching a brown paper bag. Nobody pays her any mind.

Finally, Pinkie bounces through. "Hey guys! I finally found a babysitter for Li'l Cheese--oh! Thanks for finding that, Twilight! I was wondering where I left it!"

Everyone stopped to stare as Pinkie bounced up, yanked the Twirugumi right out of Twilight's magical grasp, and slipped into it. The cum-stains (for that is what they are) neatly line up with Pinkie's rump, and so do her naughty bits. "You shoulda seen Cheese Sandwich when he saw me in this thing! He got a hardon so fast he almost passed out!" To everypony's horror, she keeps going, describing a romp in the bushes in entirely too much detail. Fluttershy, thankfully, intervenes with a whimper.

"...So," Pinkie says. "I guess Twi doesn't know about the Twilight costume thing, huh?"

"THEY WHAT."

Twilight was livid. No, she was beyond livid--she was in danger of giving herself an aneurysm.

"They totally want to bone you!" Pinkie said with her trademark smile. Applejack rolled her eyes, and pushed Pinkie to the side.

"What she's tryna say, Twah, is that most ponies in Equestria think you're..."

"Super hot," RD explained.

"An exquisite specimen," Rarity elaborated.

"...very pretty," Fluttershy whispered.

"Fuckable," AJ finished.

Twilight was having trouble taking it in. "And this has been going on for how long?"

"About three years now!" Pinkie squeaks, bouncing excitedly. "They started making them in Neighpon to celebrate! They were soooo popular. And Neighpon's birthrate doubled overnight!"

Twi's eye twitched. "Doubled."

"Yep! And so did Griffonstone's." Twi's eye twitched again. "And Equestria in general." Twilight gritted her teeth, trying to surpress a scream. "Oh, and I hear Yakyakistan's birthrate quadrupled!"

"ENOUGH!" Twilight shrieked, silencing the whole room. "I am NOT some--somepony's fetish! I am not a costume! This is not who I am, and this is not okay--"

And then Starlight Glimmer, carrying a tray full of juiceboxes, stepped into the room. "Hey guys, brought the drinks--oh. Huh. I was wondering when Twi was gonna get one of those."

"And that's how Ponyville became a crater!" Pinkie says, closing the scrapbook.

"...over a costume?" Li'l Cheese asks, tilting her head (she was feeling like a filly today, as evidenced by the extra pink in her mane).

"Yep!" Pinkie replies. "And that's why you always make sure to pick up your toys."

"...mom, I'm 22. I don't need to learn how to pick up after myself. Especially not with sex toys."

"Yeah, but you gotta remember extra hard. If Twilight finds out you have one, she'll start another war!"

"Wait, you know about my--"

(BONUS) Role Playing

"Okay, y'all stay quiet now." Applejack nods to Big Mac, then slips back into her room. The soft sound of fabric on fabric whispers out into the hall, and then she steps back out--carrying a pair of cloth bundles on her back. "Move fast, but don't trip over anythin'."

She and Mac start trotting out to the barn. It's roughly midnight--the same time they do this every night. "Our li'l secret," AJ calls it.

Once they're in the barn, Applejack nods to a pair of nooks formed by one of the barn's dividers. She tosses the white bundle to Mac, and carries the purple bundle into her own stall...

"Oh, hi Shiny!" she says, grinning nervously. "Ah--I didn't see you there! I'm, uh, glad you came to see me, though."

"...uh, me too?" he replies, mirroring her nervous grin.

"Gosh, I figured you'd be with Cadence, what with the whole 'married' thing," she continues, sliding up next to him.

"...yup."

"...Mac, could y'all get a little more into character? Ah feel silly puttin' all this effort in when y'all don't even say more'n three words."

Big Mac sighs, tugging at his Shining Armor onesie. "Applejack, ain't y'all married to Rainbow already? Ah still don't feel right about this."

"C'mon, Mac. She don't need to know. We been doin' this since we was...well, when we was first learnin' about this stuff," AJ mutters, blushing softly. "Ah don't know how ta stop."

"Why would you stop!? This is so hot."

Big Mac and Applejack freeze in place for a moment; and slowly, they turn around to see...Rainbow Dash. Who is not only wearing a Twilight kirugumi, but also very openly stroking herself.

"...Go on! Do it! Oh, and don't forget to call each other 'brother' and 'sister' and stuff. That's the best part."

They all stare at each other for a moment. Then, they all burst into laughter. "Consarn it, Rainbow," AJ gasps out between bouts of giggling. "You know Ah love ya."

"Yeah, I love you too. Now get with the hot brother-on-sister action already," Rainbow says, shooting Applejack a quick little wink.

"Awright, take two..."

"Oh, hi Shiny!" she says, grinning nervously. "I didn't see you there! I'm glad you came to see me, though..."

"Me too," he replies. "I couldn't go for too long without my little Twilight."

"twily," Rainbow whispered from offstage.

"Twily!" he says, confidently.

"Gosh, I figured you'd be here with Cadence, what with the whole 'married' thing--"

"Aw, Twily, you know I couldn't stay away from my little sister for long..."

'Shiny' smiles, pulling his sister into a hug...and slipping a hoof just far enough back to brush her cutie mark. "Huh? Wh-what are you doing! You're my brother. It's wrong," 'Twily' says with a pout, turning away from him.

"But Twily, you know it doesn't matter," 'Shiny' murmurs, as he nibbles her ear. "You don't care if it's wrong, and neither do I..."

She moans softly, as he mounts her, his massive length pressing up along her belly. "Aah! Big brother, you're so...so big," she murmurs, blushing furiously.

"You say that every time, Twily."

"You're bigger every time, Shiny."

"this is gold," Rainbow mutters.

"Well? What are you waiting for...?" 'Twily' whispers. "Rut me, brother. Rut your little sister!"

He thrusts, nearly knocking her off her hooves as his shaft fills her! "Haaahn~! Awh fuck yeah. Again!" she moans, and again he thrusts--this time, her forelegs give out, and she flops into the hay, purring happily as 'Shiny' plants his hooves on her shoulders.

"Aah--hnngh--yer so tight, sis!" 'Shiny' groans, struggling to keep up his pace--he draws out entirely, only to slam back into her, gasping for breath, moving with the halting, erratic tempo of a pony who has had only one partner. "Ah'm gonna keep goin' 'till yer mine!"

"Hahngh--awh Moon--harder! Fuck me harder!" 'Twily' sputters and moans underneath him, her body shivering as she clamps down around him.

"Ah--ah'm gonna--ah'm close--!"

"Fuck it!" Applejack shouts. "Inside, Mac!"

Big Mac lets loose a low roar, his sack twitching as he releases. "Aaaahnngh...li'l sis," he mumbles, moments before collapsing on top of her.

"ack. li'l help, Rainbow?" AJ mutters, muffled by what feels like half a ton of sweet-hearted big brother. Rainbow flaps over and pushes him aside; his shaft pops free, still spurting, and leaves a nice big stain all over one side of the Twirugumi. "Awh, horseapples...then again, Ah kinda like the look of it."

"Looks like you had fun, huh?" Rainbow says with a smirk, shoving a hoof between AJ's legs.

"Aahn--! Rainbow, y'all know Ah'm sensitive after Ah've--"

Rainbow pulls Applejack into her lap, chuckling softly as AJ mewls and mumbles. Like putty in my hooves, she thinks to herself, as she lifts one hoof to get a taste of Mac's seed. "...heh, tastes like apple cider."

"raaaainboooow," AJ mumbles, lost in a cum-soaked post-coitus haze. Rainbow just laughs and snuggles up next to Mac. She's gonna have to ask for a threesome later.

Author's Note

You are now reading "Rut me, brother" in Hulk Hogan's voice.

You're welcome.