The Barber And The Barbed
"Thanks for letting me move in, Spike," an adult Apple Bloom said as she unpacked. "You would not believe the nightmare I had to get away from at home. Even after all these years, Big Mac and Sugar Belle are still not very quiet when it comes to... consummating their marriage." She grabbed the last slice of pizza that they had ordered for dinner. The empty box stayed on the folding table in the kitchenette. It was very much the apartment of a single male living on his own. It needed a lady's touch.
"I gotcha," he said. "Even though Twilight lives at the castle in Canterlot now, I decided to stay in Ponyville and got an apartment."
"Why not stay in the castle?" she asked.
"I got banned from that castle after they found all the bite marks from when I was snacking on it. But still I wanted to stay in Ponyville."
"Because it was closer to Rarity?" Applebloom teased. He snorted.
"Yeah. That was the reason, at first," he said putting some popcorn in the microwave. She waited on the couch for him to join her and watch TV. He grabbed the popcorn out of the microwave and sat with her.
"So did you two ever finally... you know?" she asked.
"Yeah. Kinda," he said. "Hey, do you want a beer?" he asked. She nodded. "They're in the fridge. Grab me one, too."
She rolled her eyes and smirked, getting two cans of beer from the fridge.
"So how do you kinda have sex?" she asked.
"Well, I only got to third base with her," he said.
"You mean she-" Applebloom pumped her fist and put her tongue in her cheek, implying fellatio.
"No no. I got to third base with her. Not the other way around."
"Oh. So she didn't return the favor?" she asked. He shook his head. "Rude."
"I know, right?" They opened their beers and tapped them together.
"To returning the favor," she said.
"Cheers to that!" They drank their beers and watched TV while Spike snacked on the popcorn. Apple Bloom glanced sideways at him eating. His prehensile tongue flicked from his mouth, snatching popcorn from the bowl in his lap, a couple dozen inches away.
"Rarity must have enjoyed that," Apple Bloom said, pointing at his tongue. He grinned.
"To be fair, I enjoyed it too," he said.
"Really?"
"Yeah. I like going down. But as much as she enjoyed it, we never went any further than that. And neither did our relationship."
"Her loss," Applebloom said. "If I had a guy that liked doing that, I'd definitely return the favor," she said with a playful smirk.
"Oh yeah?" he asked, raising an eyebrow to call her bluff.
"My sister didn't raise no liar," she said, unbuttoning the top of her jeans. "Why don't we put that tongue of yours to eating something besides popcorn?" Spike grinned and his eyes were fixed on her zipper as she undid it and lifted her hips off the couch. She slid down her shorts and panties.
"Whoa." Spike's grin vanished.
"What?"
"Uh, nothing. I, uh- don't want to ruin the mood. I just ate a lot. That's all," he said. Apple Bloom looked at the bowl of popcorn, still mostly full. He stood up and started to fumble with the belt to his pants. "So why don't we just put a pin in that appetizer, and just enjoy the main course tonight?" he asked.
"Aw geez. Are you just another one of those 'pump & dump' kinda guys?" she asked. He scoffed.
"I'm not a stallion. I last more than thirty seconds. In fact, I don't cum until I choose to."
"Really?"
"One of the perks of being a dragon," he said. "And I don't stop until the job is done and everyone is satisfied," he said, giving her a wink.
"Fine. You better not," she said, getting ready to take her top off when he dropped his pants and boxers. She just froze and stared at it. "Wha-... what the fuck?"
"What?"
"There's two of them!"
"It's called a hemi-penis."
"They have barbs and spines!"
"Yeah, I'm a dragon! For fuck's sake Apple Bloom, read a book!" he said. She quickly pulled up her panties and shorts.
"Nonono! This isn't happening! I'm sorry! I can't!"
"Suit yourself," Spike said, relatively calmly as he got dressed and sat back down on the couch.
"Look- I didn't mean to make things awkward. I-"
"It's not awkward," Spike said. "It's cool, really. Besides, it's probably best if we don't get... you know, involved if we're gonna be roommates."
"Yeah, that's true," Apple Bloom agreed. Still, she couldn't help feeling a little weird after they had exposed themselves to each other. And after seeing how weird his dick looked. "I- I should get some sleep anyway. It's been a long day."
"Alright. No problem. I can watch TV in my bedroom," he said, grabbing the bowl of popcorn and bringing it into the bedroom. He grabbed an extra blanket and tossed it out to her. "You can have the couch here until we can get you set up with a cot in the guest room. Night."
"G'night."
The next day Apple Bloom went back to work at Princess Twilight's School of Friendship. Afterwards, Apple Bloom came home to her new apartment.
Spike was buck naked on the couch and balls deep in Gabby, their gryphon friend. Her tits flopped forward and back as he railed her from behind with all his might.
"Hey Apple Bloom!" Gabby said cheerfully. "Spike said he'd gotten a new roommate!" Spike stopped and just looked at her in the doorway.
"You're home early," Spike said, slightly embarrassed, but not enough to stop.
"I'm a teacher. It's not a nine to five. School gets out at three in the afternoon," Apple Bloom said.
"Oh, right right right," Spike said.
"I just slept on that couch last night!" Apple Bloom balked.
"Don't worry! We flip the cushions over afterwards," Gabby said.
"Every time?" Apple Bloom asked. They looked at each other.
"Yeah," Spike said.
"At least, like, seventy five percent of the time," Gabby added. Apple Bloom grimaced.
"So... you and Gabby...?" Apple Bloom asked of the obvious. Spike shrugged.
"Yeah. Whenever I'm in town," Gabby said.
"But Spike," Apple Bloom said, "last night, you and I almost-"
"Gabby and I have like, an open thing," Spike said.
"Yeah! I think everyone should experience this dick!" Gabby said gleefully. "It's just the best!"
"Heh. Isn't she great?" he said. "Her cat-half loves it," Spike said.
"Ooh, the way his barbed spines scratch up the inside of your pussy! And with the second one doing the same thing inside your ass at the same time!" Gabby practically purred, humping back against him.
"Her pussy is so rough and course!" Spike said. "It feels even better on my dick than her sandpaper tongue."
Apple Bloom looked back and forth between them.
"Y'all are fucking weird," Apple Bloom said. "And y' deserve each other. But I ain't sleeping on that couch never again."
It was easy for Apple Bloom to pack her things up again. Most of them were still in boxes.
"Thanks for letting me move in with you, Babs," Apple Bloom said carrying the boxes into her cousin's much-nicer apartment.
"I've just got the one bed, but it's a big queen-size. I hope you don't mind."
"Nah, it'll be like before when you slept over," Bloom said. "Honestly, I should have just come here first."
"Yeah, you knew I was living in Ponyville now," Babs Seed said, following her inside with another box in her hands. "The rent in Manehattan is criminal. For an apartment and barber shop both."
"How do your parents afford it?" Apple Bloom asked.
"My dad is a pimp and my mom is a mob boss," she said as they set the boxes down in the living room.
"Wha- really!?"
"No. But sometimes I like to pretend that they got rich by doing something cool, rather than something lame like coming from old money and being landlords with 'a well-diversified stock market portfolio'," she mocked making finger quotes.
"Oh. Well if your folks are landlords, why didn't they rent you and give you a deal since you're their daughter?" Bloom asked. Babs huffed and rolled her eyes.
"It's personal," Babs said with the kind of tone that indicated that she didn't care to talk about it. "So today was your last day?"
"Yeah. It's the holiday break for Hearth's Warming," Bloom said. "You doing anything special?"
"Working," Babs said. "A lot of people get their mane and tails done for Hearth's Warming pictures and family gatherings. What about you?"
"I gotta grade midterms. But then I'm on vacation the rest of the week."
"Sweet. We're going to Princess Twilight's Hearth's Warming party tonight, right?" Babs asked.
"Yeah, of course!"
"Like that?" Babs asked, pointing a finger at Bloom's mane.
"What's wrong with my mane?" Bloom asked.
"Nothing. If you're still a student in Miss Cheerilee's elementary school," she teased. "Seriously, you still wear a bow?"
"I've always worn a bow!"
"Yeah. And they've always done the Running of the Leaves, as if the leaves wouldn't fall out of the trees by themselves. Just because they've always done something a certain way, doesn't make it smart. Or fashionable."
"You're one to talk," Bloom said, pointing at her cousin's hair. "It doesn't even reach your shoulders and it's shaved under one side. That's a guy's mane cut."
"Not exactly. But it does save a ton of time in the shower," Babs said.
"That I can understand," Bloom said, lamenting how long it took for her to wash and condition her mane and tail every day.
"Look, I know you're gonna be busy grading. But how about you come downstairs to my barber shop after you're done with work and I can give you a fresh look for the holiday party? Call it a Hearth's Warming gift."
"Okay, sure!"
Once Apple Bloom finished grading everything, she headed out of her cousin's apartment, downstairs to her barber shop through the employee entrance, as the front door was now locked.
"Hey," Babs greeted, still in her barber uniform with an orange v-neck top and denim skirt. She pushed the broom around, sweeping up the rest of the floor. "Took you long enough. I was just about to head up and get you. Shop's closed. Are you ready?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Saddle up." Babs directed her to the barber chair and put the apron over her. "So how you been? I know we didn't get a ton of time to talk upstairs. But it sounded like you've had a rough week."
"Babs, you don't even know the half of it!" Bloom said. "You remember Rumble?"
Babs shrugged and started combing out Bloom's mane. "Eh. The name rings a bell."
"Well we went out a few times and we decided to take it further. But after I gave him a B.J. straight up refused to return the favor!"
"Rude."
"I know right!?"
"What's the matter girl? You bakin' a loaf?" Babs asked.
"What!? I ain't pregnant!" Bloom scoffed. Babs chuckled.
"Not 'a bun in the oven', it was a yeast infection joke."
"Gross. And no, it wasn't anything like that. I had just taken a shower and everything. The only thing I smelled like was my body wash."
Babs shrugged. "Some guys just don't like doing that," she said. "Better you find out sooner than later."
"Some guys do, though," Apple Bloom said.
"Or at least they say they do," Babs said.
"Yeah, maybe. So anyway, I went home and my brother and his wife were at it again. And-" Apple Bloom omitted the worst details. "And I decided that the house was just wasn't big enough for everyone anymore. So I moved out."
"Right before Hearth's Warming? That's rough. Was that this morning?" Babs asked.
"No. It gets worse."
"Oh wow."
"I stayed at Spike's place last night. Then I showed up there this afternoon after work and he was fucking Gabby on the couch that I had been sleeping on!"
"Oof. Yeah, that's a deal breaker," Babs agreed.
"That's not even the worst part. I mean, that was the last straw, but the worst of it was last night. Spike and I were hanging out on his couch, and we got to talking about getting to third base and returning the favor and stuff and he said that he liked going down. And I was like 'prove it'."
"There's a word for girls like you, Bloom," Babs teased.
"Shut up, Babs. It wasn't like he was some random guy. Spike's my friend. I've known him most of my life, ever since I was a kid."
"So what happened last night?" Babs asked.
"Nothing."
"Nothing?" Babs raised a dubious eyebrow.
"Nothing. For one, he has a weird dick."
"All dicks are weird, babe."
"Yeah, but he has two of them. And they have barbs and spines!"
"Yeah, no shit. He's a dragon. For fuck's sake, Bloom, read a book."
"Well then you should know that he has a prehensile tongue that's like, two feet long!" Bloom said.
"Uh huh..." Babs coaxed her as she continued to work. "Did he use it?"
"No! As soon as I took my panties off he took one look and straight up said no."
"The fuck, Bloom! Are you hiding a dick under there?"
"No!"
"Whatever. Guys are slime," Babs said.
"Guys have... some nice qualities," Bloom said.
"Sweetie, you know you can buy dildos, right?" Babs said. Bloom sighed.
"Wait, does that mean you're a Fillyfooler?" Bloom asked. Babs rolled her eyes.
"What gave it away? The butch haircut? Anyway, I prefer the term 'Mare Muncher'. A Fillyfooler sounds like a pedo. I also sometimes go by 'Babs'."
"Sorry," Bloom apologized.
"Eh. I got over it a long time ago. My folks on the other hand..."
"Oh. Is that why they-?"
"Yeah. Mom was all like, 'Two halves can't make a whole without a pole, Babs!' Fuck you, bitch. The only pole I need is the striped one spinning in front of my barber shop."
"Sorry."
"I ain't mad at you, Cuz."
"I just mean in general."
"Nah. Fuck 'em. I'm doing just fine for myself," Babs said with pride. "Fuck my parents and fuck men! Especially anyone that doesn't want to go down on you. They're missing out. I bet it would be awesome."
"Um, thanks?" Bloom replied to the strange compliment.
"Look, I'm not a doctor. But I think you need to eat more pussy." Babs suggested, spinning the chair around to face away from the mirror as she switched over to the electric trimmer.
"Babs..."
"You really should consider playing for the other team."
"Babs!"
"I'm just saying, after all that talk from you about 'returning the favor'; if you want your pussy ate, but you won't eat pussy, yourself, then that makes you a hypocrite."
"..."
Babs made one last finishing touch to Apple Bloom's bangs.
"And... done!" Babs said. She turned the chair back around so Apple Bloom could see herself in the mirror. "What do you think?"
Apple Bloom had the exact same butch haircut as her cousin.
"I look like a dyke."
"I know! Twinsies!" Babs said, hugging her cousin's head.
"No guy is going to want to date me now!" Bloom said. Babs laughed out loud.
"Sweetie, guys don't give a shit about your hair. All they look at is tits and ass. Hell, I've worn flannel with denim overalls and I still get hit on by guys. Men are clueless! They'll hit on anything with a pulse." Apple Bloom looked at all her hair on the floor, and then at the bob-cut she was sporting in the mirror.
"Well, I guess it will save time in the shower."
"Yeah, speaking of," Babs said looking at the clock. "We need to start getting ready for the party." The two girls headed upstairs.
Apple Bloom went into the bathroom and stripped down to take a shower. She got the water going and stepped in once it was warm enough, sliding the clear glass door close behind her. She put some shampoo into her mane and scrubbed to get any remaining loose hairs out. She knew she could count on a stylist to have the best products, and she could tell. She squeezed her eyes shut as the lather started to drip down her forehead. After thoroughly working it into her scalp, she rinsed and wiped the excess from her eyes before she blinked them open.
Babs was sitting on the toilet on the other side of the glass shower door.
"Babs! What the fuck!?" Apple Bloom yelled, nearly slipping as she tried to cover herself.
"Relax! It's just number one," Babs said. "I'm not gonna blow up the bathroom with you in it."
"I'm naked!"
"Would you grow up!? We used to go skinny dipping."
"Yeah, when we were kids!" Apple Bloom turned off the water. Babs rolled her eyes, wiped herself, and flushed. "At least hand me a towel!"
"Yeah yeah," Babs grabbed a towel and held it out to her.
Bloom moved her hand just long enough to open the shower door.
"Whoa!" Babs gasped. Bloom's hand snapped back to cover herself.
"What!? What the fuck!? Why does everyone act like that when they see my crotch?" Babs didn't even answer. She just grabbed Bloom wrist and moved her hand away again.
"Holy shit!"
"What!?"
"That is- wow!" She looked up at her eyes. "When Mayor Mash made that campaign promise about outlawing red-heads from shaving their bush- You know that was a joke, right?"
"Let go!" Babs just looked back at Bloom's crotch. Or rather, the massive triangle of dense, red fur covering it.
"You probably don't even need a bikini bottom with pubes that thick! The disco decade called, they want their bush-bottoms back! No wonder nobody wants to go down on that!"
"I bet you would!" Bloom fumed.
"Not without a machete and a compass! How do you even masturbate? It must be like going on a safari!"
"Shut up!" Bloom cried, finally pulling her arm free to cover herself again. "I thought you stopped being a bully!"
"Sheesh, such a cry baby," Babs teased. "Here's your towel, Princess Firecrotch."
Apple Bloom quickly grabbed the towel and wrapped it around herself. She grabbed another towel off the rack and tried to wrap up her mane, finding that she didn't really need to anymore. She just draped the towel over her head and tousled her mane until it was mostly dry. Just before she finished, Babs yanked the towel from around her body.
"Babs!"
"Sorry I just wanted to see it again," she said, staring wide-eyed at her cousin's crotch again. Bloom grabbed the towel back and re-wrapped it.
"Can you just- not be a lesbian for like, five minutes!?" Bloom huffed.
"What? No it's not even like that. I'm just impressed! Has the mere thought of a razor just never even entered your mind?" Babs asked. Apple Bloom winced and crossed her legs.
"I'm not putting a razor anywhere near there!" she said. She twisted and turned in place, looking at herself. "I don't think I would even have the dexterity or the flexibility to do that!" Babs rolled her eyes and lifted her skirt. She wasn't wearing underwear. She brazenly showed off her smooth pussy.
"If I'm gonna have someone go down on me, I want them to be able to see what they're doing." She punctuated her sentence by giving her bare pussy lips a firm, open-handed smack before dropping her skirt again. She reached into the bathroom closet and pulled out a small, personal grooming kit.
"What you need, is another haircut!" Babs said, holding up a trimmer and a new razor.
Apple Bloom just kept her legs crossed and even held her hand over her crotch, over the towel. "Or, we could not do that!" Bloom said. Babs shrugged.
"Suit yourself. But you can call me any name you like; that is one carpet even I wouldn't munch." Babs started to put her kit away. Apple Bloom chewed her lip.
"Wait," she said. "Do you really think that's why guys won't... do that? For me?" Bloom asked.
"Bloom, I'm not a gambling gal, but I'd bet everything I own on it," Babs said.
"But isn't it... wouldn't it be weird? For you? To do that to me?" Bloom asked.
"Nah. Hair is my specialty! I know what I'm doing."
"No! I mean because, you're my cousin!" Bloom said. Babs rolled her eyes so hard her head rolled back with them.
"Oooh, is that what you're hung up on?" she asked. "Psssh! Bloom, I'm just cutting your hair! Maybe if it was your dad doing it, or your brother, or even Braeburn; yeah that'd be weird!"
"But you and Braeburn are both my cousins!" she said.
"Yeah, but he's a stallion! That's the difference!" Babs said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Like Mom always said, 'two halves can't make a whole without a pole'. It's just us gals here. As long as there isn't a penis involved, we ain't making no retard babies. So whatever we do, it doesn't count as... you know... that! Tell me I'm wrong." Babs crossed her arms confidently and waited for Apple Bloom to try to come up with a retort.
"I guess that's true..."
"Of course it is! Trust your cousin, she knows what she's talking about." Babs said, plugging in the trimmer. "Come on babe, let's do this!"
"Um... okay..."
"Sit over there." Babs pointed in the corner of the shower with a raised, triangular portion that acted as a bench seat. Apple Bloom walked in and sat there. Babs smirked. "Come on girl, lose the towel." Apple Bloom still nervously clutched the towel wrapped around her. "Look, if it helps, I'll get undressed too," Babs said as she started to disrobe. "I don't want to get them wet anyway." A few moments later, Apple Bloom's cousin stood completely nude before her.
"There. Better?" Babs asked.
"Not really."
"You gotta be comfortable in your own fur, ya know?" Babs said. "Shit, look at me! I ain't no catch." She prodded a bit of her belly chubbiness with her finger and cupped her slightly-asymmetrical boobs. "But I like myself. That's what matters. And you? You got the body of an athlete! Shit, you should be proud to show it off!"
"Thanks. I guess."
"Come on," Babs said, reaching for the towel. Apple Bloom peeled the towel off and gave it to her. Now that it was drier, her bush really fluffed up. "Except for that. Actually, lemme grab my phone. I need to get a picture of this."
"Babs!"
"No no! This needs to be recorded! For posterity, you know? Equestria Geographic type shit!"
"... At least keep my cutie mark out of the picture! I don't want anyone to know it's me!"
"Yeah, of course!" Babs said, snapping a couple of quick pictures. "It's just... fuck, it's like the Lock Ness Monster. No one would believe me if I described it to them." She took a few more pictures, taking care to keep her cousin's identity safe. "Fuck."
"Are you done yet?" Bloom asked, growing increasingly uncomfortable.
"Yeah, yeah. Sorry." Babs put her phone away and grabbed the trimmer, turning it on. "Alright, I'm gonna need you to..." Babs made a spreading motion with her hands. Apple Bloom reluctantly spread her legs apart. Babs moved in between them with the trimmer and got to work shaving the rain forest.
"Babs- it tickles!" Bloom said, squirming but now unable to close her legs.
"Yeah, it does a little," Babs said. She was well aware of what the vibration from the trimmer felt like. She made special efforts to 'accidentally' bump the base of it against the general area of her clitoris, making the girl tremble and moan. After a couple minutes, the bulk of it was gone and Babs could finally see the contours of her groin. She left the smooth base of the trimmer resting against her clit as she turned around to grab the shaving cream.
"Baaabs," Apple Bloom moaned.
"Alright, settle down," Babs said, taking the improvised vibrator away, edging the poor mare. She turned it off and unplugged it to put it back in the kit. "The easy part is over. Now comes the tricky part." She put a big dollop of shaving cream into her palm and rubbed it against Bloom's pussy, 'accidentally' brushing her clit with her thumb as she went back and forth. She kept squirming under her palm. She stopped playing with her and grabbed the razor.
"Okay, you seriously need to stay still for this part," Babs said. She moved and stretched her skin taut in different places to make it flat and smooth. She gave her a break from the intentional teasing, as she actually really did want her to stay still. The brand-new razor glided smoothly, shaving the rest of the hair clean in its path. She took extreme care to not nick her, working slowly and methodically. She stood up and grabbed the shower head and took it off the holster. She brought it down and turned on the water to rinse the blade between passes. She found it was a lot easier than trying to do it on herself with mirrors and yoga. The entire process didn't take hardly long at all.
By the end, be it from nervousness or the teasing, Apple Bloom was still a panting mess.
"Alright, time to rinse all this shaving cream off," Babs said. She grabbed the shower head and adjusted it to 'massaging pulse', and then pointed it at Apple Bloom's pussy.
"Babs!"
"Gimmie a few minutes, there's a lot," she said, long after all the shaving cream had been rinsed away. She rubbed her fingers up and down Apple Bloom's pussy. She slipped one of her fingers into her vagina.
"Wha- what are you-"
"Dammit, some got inside!" she said, working another finger inside as well, making a curling motion, purposefully hitting her g-spot.
"B-b-babs!"
"I'm trying to scoop out the shaving cream," she lied. "You really don't want this in here." She fucked her harder with her fingers, focusing the water spray on her clit. Apple Bloom couldn't even form words anymore. "Almost... almost..." Apple Bloom's hips started to buck uncontrollably, threatening to make her slip off the bench. Babs stuffed the shower head between her own legs and dove forward, planting her mouth on her pussy, licking and sucking on her clit while her fingers kept up the assault on her g-spot. "Yeah, fucking cum in my mouth!"
"BAAABS!" Apple Bloom cried out as she grabbed the back of her head and shoved it into her crotch harder. Her legs clamped down on either side of her head as she came harder than she ever had before in her life. Babs was treated to her fresh wetness. Its flavor quickly drowned out the bitter taste of shaving cream.
Babs was already so turned on that she trembled as the shower head got her off promptly afterwards. Babs didn't stop. Her fingers kept milking her, making her pussy spurt more and more into her mouth until it had nothing left to give and Apple Bloom fell limp. Babs rolled away and turned off the water. A few moments later, she recovered and limped around the bathroom, cleaning up her things. The clock in the hallway chimed the hour. She walked back in the shower helped her up.
Come on. We got a party to be late for," Babs said. She carried her into the bedroom and helped her into her party dress and then she flopped onto the bed. She leaned over and kissed her. Apple Bloom kissed her back.
"Come on Sleeping Beauty, you gotta go meet your 'prince charming'," Babs said.
"Hmm," Bloom moaned in her afterglow. "But I still need to return the favor," she said with a coy grin. Babs reached under the bed and pulled out a big box of toys. She held up a large strap-on dildo.
"It can wait until after the party."
Bloom and Babs strolled into the party, each with matching butch mane cuts. Neither wore particularly amazing outfits. But the sheer confidence in their stride was sexy in a way that didn't come out of a makeup kit. It turned the heads of everyone there. They walked straight over to the bar.
"Yes, we'll have two Russian Centaurs, please," Babs said.
"Never heard of it," Berry Punch said.
"It's half vodka, half stallion," Babs said.
"Well, I have vodka."
"That's fine," Apple Bloom said. "We don't need a stallion!"
