Impractical Ponies
“Ah, yeah! Pranking everypony is going to be so awesome!” Rainbow Dash said.
“It sure will be!” Pinkie concurred. “I could just burst from excitement!” With a huge grin, Pinkie procured one of her party cannons and shot off a round of confetti.
“Hey!” Twilight barked. “Not in the library, Pinkie! It’ll take Spike forever to clean off those books!”
“Oh! Poor Spikey-wikey!” gushed Rarity.
The four ponies were in the main area of Ponyville’s library, Twilight’s place of residence. Twilight was working diligently, casting a spell on four sets of earmuffs, while Rarity lounged around on her fainting sofa, and the other two, too excited to sit still, pranced around and made mischief.
“Sorry, Twilight!” Pinkie said. Her smile wasn’t exactly apologetic, but she didn’t mean to be insincere either.
“You know, I just can’t believe this whole thing was Twilight’s idea…” Rainbow Dash gave Twilight a suspicious look, as though asking her whether she was some kind of imposter.
Twilight returned a confident grin. “Oh, there’s a very good reason I suggested this.”
“And what is that, darling?” Rarity asked.
“You’ll have to wait and see,” was Twilight’s answer.
Rainbow Dash stuck out her tongue. “Well, whatever. Who cares about Twilight’s plan so long as we get to have a lot of fun with this little contest. So, we really get to come up with whatever punishment we want for whoever loses the most, right?”
Twilight nodded. “Yep. That’s the plan.”
“Sounds a bit ghastly to me,” Rarity admitted. In a whiny voice, she asked, “Are you sure we can’t skip that part?”
“No way! That’s the most fun part!” Rainbow Dash said.
Beaming and bouncing up and down on her tail, Pinkie yelled out, “I’m going to win!”
Rainbow Dash turned serious as she faced Pinkie’s bold claim. “No way am I going to lose to you!”
Confused, Rarity put her hoof to her mouth. “I thought there was only a loser? What are you talking about, winning?”
“Ahem!” Twilight, having finished her task, cleared her throat to get everypony’s attention. “Here, everypony. Take these and put them over your ears. I’ve enchanted them so we can communicate without anypony knowing.” Twilight distributed the earmuffs to each of her three friends who were gathered.
“Awesome!” Rainbow Dash chortled as she put on the earmuffs. “So this is how we’re going to tell each other what to do and say?”
“Yep. They’re all linked, so we should be able to hear what’s going on around the others, even if we’re far away, but nopony else will be able to hear what we’re saying.”
“Well, what are we waiting for?! Let’s go!” Before anyone could stop her, Rainbow Dash zipped out the door.
“Wait, Rainbow Dash!” Exasperated, Twilight shook her head. “Ugh! Does that pony even know where we’re going first?”
“Sweet Apple Acres, right, darling?” Rarity said.
Once they’d found Rainbow Dash and turned her around, the girls set up on a hill at Sweet Apple Acres where they had a good view of the surrounding area. In one of the orchards, Big Mac was bucking trees and collecting apples in a bucket, and off in front of the gate Applejack was running a stand selling baked goods and cider. Twilight, Pinkie, and Rainbow Dash surveyed those coming and going for good marks for their pranks. As for Rarity, she was elected to go first, so she was absent.
“Alright, alright, so let me just make sure we’re clear here: we take turns, and we have to do and say whatever the others tell us, otherwise we lose. And whoever loses the most is the one who gets the penalty game?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Yes, those are the rules,” Twilight said.
“You got that, Pinkie?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Okey dokey lokey.” Pinkie’s smile faltered, and she put her hoof to her mouth as she thought. “Though you know, if we’re trying to come up with embarrassing stuff for each other to do, it sort of seems more like we’re pranking each other instead of everypony else…”
“Well it is a contest, so it’s supposed to be tough,” Rainbow Dash said. “By the way, Twilight… I know we couldn’t ask Applejack because she doesn’t lie, or Fluttershy because… Well, you know. But are you sure about Rarity? I mean, she’s so proper and stuff. I don’t think she can do this sort of thing.”
Twilight’s eyes twinkled and she gave a knowing smile. “Oh, I don’t know, Rainbow Dash. She just might surprise you. Friends have a way of doing that.”
“Ahem!” Rarity’s voice came through their earmuffs. “Rainbow Dash, you do know that I can hear you, right?”
Rainbow Dash reddened. “Heh heh… Oops…”
Back on the ground, in front of Sweet Apple Acres, Rarity was loitering in front of Applejack’s stand, passing the time by running a file across her hooves. All the while, Applejack was giving her a funny look, trying to figure out why she was there. Though her attention was torn away from her friend’s strange behavior by the arrival of a potential customer: a pony munching from a saddlebag full of strawberries passed by the stall, and Applejack called out to her to get her attention.
“Ooh! Strawberry Sunrise is here!” Rarity announced. “And I do believe she’s done something with her mane: it looks lovely!”
“That’s perfect!” Twilight said. “Go and talk to her!”
“If you insist.” Rarity strolled a few steps and waved to Strawberry. “Yoohoo! Darling, over here!”
Strawberry, still munching on strawberries, heeded Rarity’s summons and headed her way. This prompted Applejack to shoot a very sour look Rarity’s way, though the latter was oblivious to it.
“Darling, what brings you here?” Rarity asked.
Strawberry shrugged. “I dunno.”
“Well, it is just so lovely to see you, darling. And I love what you’ve done with your mane. It’s fabulous.”
“Thanks, I guess… But I didn’t do anything special. I just got my usual manecut.”
Over their communicators, Rainbow Dash gagged. “Come on, somepony tell her to say something already.”
“Well, um… what do we tell her to say?” Nervous, Twilight twiddled her hooves. “Don’t you have any ideas, Rainbow Dash?”
“Hey, I know! Strawberry loves strawberries, but she hates apples, right?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Yep! That’s right! Strawberry just loves strawberries, which is why I put them on all her strawberry cakes, along with strawberry icing and strawberry sprinkles!” Bursting with energy and joy, Pinkie bounced up and down. She paused a moment. “Huh, kind of weird she’s even at Sweet Apple Acres, huh?”
“It’s perfect for us.” Rainbow Dash donned an evil grin as she rubbed her hooves together. She tapped her earmuffs, then said, “Alright, listen up Rarity: ask her about the strawberries she’s eating.”
All the while, Rarity and Strawberry had been chatting away. If Applejack’s twitching eye was anything to go by, their small talk and gossip was just about as annoying as a pig that refused to eat at feeding time.
Rarity donned a concerned look when she got Rainbow Dash’s message. “Well … alright…” she said in a quiet voice. Smiling at Strawberry, Rarity said, “I couldn’t help but notice you’re eating some scrumptious looking strawberries.”
“They are scrumptious,” Strawberry said with her mouth full. She pulled some more strawberries out of her saddlebag and proffered them to Rarity. “Want some?”
At the remark, Rarity heard Rainbow Dash cackling in her ear, and it gave her an uneasy feeling. Rarity gave a nervous laugh. “They do look good. But I don’t know, do I want some?”
“No, you don’t want any,” Rainbow Dash said. “Because you’re going to tell her that you like apples better than strawberries.”
“Oooh!” crowed Pinkie. “That is evil!”
“Ha ha ha… ” Rarity gave another nervous laugh and was already donning an apologetic look before she’d even said anything. “Um… I’m afraid I couldn’t, dear. It’s just that I find apples a mite more appetizing than strawberries.” On this last note, Rarity smiled and raised her eyebrows.
Strawberry scowled. “Apples are gross.”
“Ooh! Ask her what she’s doing there if she doesn’t like apples!” Pinkie cried out.
“Nice one, Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash gave Pinkie a hoof bump.
“Uhh…” Rarity donned a pained look. “So, um, if you don’t mind my asking… What brings you to Sweet Apple Acres if you don’t like apples?”
An unmistakable edge of irritation in her voice, Strawberry answered, “I’m not at Sweet Apple Acres. I’m just passing by.”
“Tell her her sense of direction must be broken, because there’s no reason she’d need to go that way!”
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight protested. “That’s really mean!”
Rarity concurred with Twilight. “What!” she cried out. “How beastly! I would never say such a thing!”
Strawberry gasped. With a furious scowl at Rarity, she turned and trotted away in a huff.
When she saw Strawberry’s offense, Rarity clamped her hoof over her mouth. Rarity held up her hoof and called out to the mare. “Darling, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t talking to you! Really!”
Surveying the scene from their place on the hill, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie fell into hysterics. Twilight caught their infectious giggles, but she managed to hold in her laughter. “That might have been going a little too far, girls…”
“What? We didn’t even tell her to say that!” Rainbow Dash said. “Speaking of which… Rarity didn’t say what we told her to, so she loses!” Rainbow Dash and Pinkie exchanged another hoof bump, before Rainbow Dash turned to Twilight and gave her a smug grin. “What were you saying about somepony surprising me?”
“Ughhh…” Twilight lowered her muzzle and moaned.
“Darling, I can still hear you!” Rarity said sourly.
Next up was Pinkie. With a hop and a bound, Pinkie made her way down the hill as Rarity made her way up. She was all smiles as she made her way to the stand, and her infectious good spirits got a grin out of Applejack too. Though as time passed, Pinkie got a bit antsy just waiting around, and all her bouncing around got a bit on Applejack’s nerves.
“When are we going to start?” Pinkie whined, loud enough for Applejack to hear, and causing her to cast confused looks about to find out who Pinkie was talking to.
“Well, there’s nopony around except Applejack,” Twilight pointed out. “Must be a slow day for bake sales.”
“Yes, darling, you have to be patient,” Rarity said as she lounged on her sofa and manicured her hooves, not paying attention to anything going on around her.
Rainbow Dash, also feeling irritated, gave a low growl. Until she looked up into the sky and there caught sight of a yellow pegasus with a pink mane flying by, on a trip to pick up produce for her animal friends. “Oh, look! Look! There’s Fluttershy!”
“Where?! WHERE?!” Pinkie bellowed, giving Applejack a right good fright. After scanning the skies overhead, Pinkie caught sight of the pegasus. “Ooh! I see her! I see her! How many points do I get?”
“None, Pinkie!” Twilight admonished. “This isn’t I Spy!”
“Ooh! Talk to her! Talk to her!” Rainbow Dash said.
Pinkie turned solemn. “I don’t know, guys… We shouldn’t prank Fluttershy.”
“Ah, come on!” Rainbow Dash said.
“Ooh! I know!” Twilight smiled and clapped her hooves together. “Tell her you love her!”
Rarity set down her hoof file a moment and chuckled. “Very nice, darling!”
“Ugh. Seriously?” Rainbow Dash smacked her hoof against her face.
Down on the ground, Pinkie was already beaming and waving frantically at Fluttershy. “Hey, Fluttershy! Love ya!”
Without breaking stride, Fluttershy smiled down at Pinkie and waved back. “Love you too!” After saying so, she dropped her altitude and landed at one of the Apple family’s barns.
“Do you guys even understand the point of this game?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“But it was Fluttershy!” Twilight said. “We couldn’t say anything that might hurt her feelings!”
“Exactly! It would have been a perfect chance to get Pinkie out, because we know she’d never say anything bad to Fluttershy!”
“I think you’re taking this game a trite too seriously, Dash,” Rarity said, already back to filing her hooves.
“Uh. Whatever!” Rainbow Dash looked down the hill and saw that Big Mac was heading to Applejack’s baked goods stall. She donned an evil grin. “Hey, Pinkie, why don’t you tell Big Mac you love him too?”
“Ooooh!” Rarity also donned a sly look.
Only Twilight looked troubled. But she needn’t have worried, because Pinkie was unperturbed by the suggestion.
“Okey dokey lokey!” Pinkie said. She waved at Big Mac as he approached Applejack and cried out, “Hey Big Mac! Love ya!”
Big Mac waved back and said, “Eeyup,” before turning back to ask Applejack about their sales for the day.
“Rather anticlimactic,” Rarity said, now looking bored and disinterested.
“Oh, come on! That shouldn’t count!” Rainbow Dash complained.
Twilight donned a smug grin. “You just told Pinkie what to say; you didn’t tell her how to say it. Therefore, she did technically complete the task.”
“Ugh, fine!” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.
“Hey, guys! Check this out!” Pink hollered up at her friends on the hill.
When Twilight and the others returned their attention to her, Pinkie was loaded down with ten heavy instruments, including drums and a tuba, and she was playing all of them in a one-pony show. The whole racket was driving Applejack insane, and she had her hooves over her ears and wore a huge grimace. Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity laughed so much at Pinkie’s antics that they forgot all about their game. Pretty soon Pinkie’s turn was up, and it was Twilight’s time for a go.
Twilight got into position, and it wasn’t long before the action started. Applejack was already giving her a suspicious glare.
“Hey, there goes Fluttershy!” Pinkie said, pointing out the pegasus as she flew overhead with a saddlebag full of produce. “Say you love her, Twilight!”
“Sure thing, Pinkie.” Waving up at Fluttershy, Twilight called out, “Hi, Fluttershy! Love you!”
Fluttershy waved down. “Love you too, Twilight! Gosh, everypony is so friendly today!”
Twilight chuckled. “You know, girls, the only pony you’re going to get with touchy-feely stuff is Rainbow Dash.”
Rainbow Dash crossed her hooves and sat in a sulky kind of way. “No way! You’re not getting me out that easy! I can totally say that mushy stuff, only it’s twenty percent cooler when I say it!”
Twilight grinned. “If you say so, Rainbow Dash. If you say so.”
In the next few moments, Twilight’s confidence was shaken when her old friends Minuette and Lemon Hearts arrived on the scene. Minuette was adorned in a shimmering gown that matched her tail’s blue and white colors. The two chatted amiably before they noticed Twilight.
“Oh, hey, Twilight!” Minuette called out.
Twilight donned a nervous grin. “Oh, uh, hey girls… What brings you two here?”
Minuette giggled. “We were just visiting Lyra, and we thought we’d pick up some Sweet Apple Acres apples while we were here.”
“Oh, do you have a moment to chat? It’ll be so nice to catch up!”
“Oh, uh…” Twilight muffled her voice, trying to keep her friends from hearing her through the magic earmuffs, before saying, “Now’s not really the best time for me…”
“Nice try, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash said.
“I thought that might be the case,” Twilight said. She smiled and swung her hoof as a show of enthusiasm. “Never mind! I’m not really doing anything right now, so let’s talk!”
“Great!”
Rainbow Dash rubbed her hooves together. “Perfect. Now we just-”
“Wait just a moment!” Rarity pushed Rainbow Dash aside and pulled out a pair of binoculars to get a better look at Minuette’s gown. “My goodness, darling! Just look at that dress! Simply stunning! Twilight, you must complement that ensemble!”
Twilight smiled. “I really like your dress.”
“Thanks!” Minuette said. “It was a birthday present from Lyra! I really like your earmuffs too!”
“Seriously, Rarity? Are you really sure you understand the point of this? Because-”
“Ooh! It’s Minuette’s birthday?!” Pinkie cried out as she shoved Rainbow Dash aside. “Ask her if she wants a cupcake!”
“Uhh… Do you want a cupcake, Minuette? Because it’s your birthday and all.”
“Why yes, that would be very nice of you, Twilight!” Minuette said. In a quiet voice, she added, “Though with all that sugar, you should be sure to brush your teeth really well so you don’t get any cavities.”
“Yeah! Cupcakes would be great!” Lemon Hearts agreed, licking her lips.
Pinkie burst into laughter.
“What’s so funny, Pinkie?!” Twilight hissed.
“Got’cha Twilight! You don’t have any cupcakes!”
“Oooh! And now you’ve got to tell them! Good one, Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash clapped her hoof against Pinkie’s.
Beads of sweat dripped down the tip of Twilight’s nose. “Um…” She glanced to her left before saying, “Sorry, I don’t have any cupcakes!”
Minuette and Lemon Hearts stared at Twilight for a long time, eyes wide and blank looks on their faces. Then they both burst into laughter.
“Oh, Twilight! You’re so funny! No cupcakes! Ha ha ha!”
“Yeah, you really had us going there!”
“Whew!” Twilight wiped the sweat from her brow.
Minuette and Lemon Hearts’s reactions were a bit disappointing, but Rainbow Dash was undeterred by the setback. She just had to go bigger. “Say, Twilight. These are your old friends, right? The ones you hadn’t spoken to for a long time?”
“Yeah, what about it?” Twilight hissed into her earmuffs.
“I don’t know,” Rainbow Dash said, her voice edged with mockery. “It’s just that, it’s been so long since you’ve seen them, and I noticed you didn’t call either of them by name. Why don’t you tell them you don’t remember them?”
“I can’t do that!” Twilight said. “Come on, girls! I’m on shaky ground with my old friends as it is! I can’t afford to say something that mean!”
“This does sound like a major faux pas, dears…” Rarity said. “Perhaps we-”
“Say it!” Pinkie bellowed, cutting Rarity off.
Beads of sweat dribbled down Twilight’s face. All the while, Minuette and Lemon Hearts just kept staring at her, waiting for her to say something. Their miens soon drooped into concerned looks.
“I can’t say it…” Twilight whispered.
“Then I guess you lose!” Rainbow Dash declared.
“Alright, fine, I lose!” Twilight’s tension faded away. She wrapped a hoof around Lemon Hearts and Minuette and guided the two towards Applejack’s stand. “Say, Minuette, since I missed your birthday, why don’t I buy you girls some tasty apple treats?”
With Twilight’s loss, it was finally Rainbow Dash’s turn. After Twilight had gotten rid of Minuette and Lemon Hearts, Rainbow Dash sauntered down the hill with her head held high and a confident stride. This left the other three up on the hill, and it wasn’t long before they began to conspire against her.
Rarity set aside her earmuffs a moment and in a whisper asked, “I don’t know about you girls, but I feel Rainbow Dash got a little out of hoof. What do you say to a little payback?” Grinning slyly, Rarity extended her hoof.
“Oh, definitely,” Twilight said, putting her hoof in.
“Sounds good to me!” Pinkie said, still beaming, as she put her hoof in too.
Rainbow Dash’s turn already got off to a bad start, when Applejack trotted over to her, looking agitated. She poked Rainbow Dash in the chest with her hoof and declared, “I don’t know what you and those other three are up to, hanging around here with your fancy earmuffs, but y’all had better cut it out! I’ve had just about enough shenanigans for one day!” With that, she stormed off to her stand and began packing up since the sun was beginning to set.
“Why’s she so mad at me!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, with exaggerated gesticulating. “I haven’t even done anything yet!”
“Ooh-hoo-hoo!” Twilight and the other three suppressed their giggles. “Looks like you might be in trouble, Rainbow Dash!”
“Yeah right! Nothing’s going to stop me! Besides, it’s the end of the day, so nopony is even here anymore.”
“The Apples are still here, aren’t they?” Rarity winked at Pinkie and Twilight. “Oh look! There’s Granny Smith by that apple tree over there. Why don’t you go talk to her, Rainbow Dash?”
“Ugh. Fine.” Rainbow Dash flew over to Granny Smith. In her most polite tone, Rainbow Dash inquired, “How’s it going, Granny Smith?”
“What’s that, young’un?” Granny Smith asked, raising a hoof to her ear to try and get better acoustics.
“My, how garish her sense of style is!” Rarity said. “Rainbow Dash, be a dear and tell Granny Smith her ensemble is far too nouveau riche, and she ought to stop trying so hard!”
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “I have no idea what that means, but you know she’s only wearing her neckerchief, right…?”
“Exactly, darling! Just look at that plain pattern! It’s so last season!”
“Um, alright…” Rainbow Dash cleared her throat so she could speak clearly. “Granny Smith, your neckerchief is novo risky. Or something.”
Granny Smith gasped, appalled at what she’d heard. “Such language! Young’uns these days got no manners!” Muttering in a surly tone, Granny Smith walked in a circle and headed back to the Apple family house at a slow trot.
“I didn’t even say anything that bad!” Rainbow Dash called after the elderly mare.
“Good one, Rarity!” Pinkie said, raising her hoof for a clap.But Rarity left her hanging.
“Sorry, darling,” she said with an apologetic smile. “But I just filed my hoof and all. Don’t want to get it dirty.”
No sooner had Granny Smith made it back to the house, than Applejack burst through the door and came galloping towards Rainbow Dash. The country mare looked furious.
“Uh oh…” Rainbow Dash gulped. Even Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie felt worried as they watched the scene unfold.
“I cannot believe you, Rainbow Dash!” Applejack cried out. “How could you say something so horrible to Granny?!”
“But …but, I didn’t!” Rainbow Dash protested. “She just misheard me!”
“I don’t want to hear it! No more tomfoolery, Dash!” Applejack warned. She pointed her hoof at her eyes and then at Rainbow Dash, before trotting back to the house.
Still trembling from her shattered nerves, Rainbow Dash said, “Come on guys, Applejack is all over me… Can we get off Sweet Apple Acres yet?”
Twilight exchanged conspiratorial smiles with Pinkie and Rarity before saying to Rainbow Dash, “I guess… If you give up.”
“I’m not giving up!” growled Rainbow Dash. “What do you want me to do next?”
“Ooh! See Apple Bloom over there, under that tree?” Twilight asked. The filly in question was rolling in the grass in one of the orchards, laughing, and having a good time.
“Oh, I see where you’re going with this, Twilight!” Pinkie winked. “Grab her and put her up in that tree!”
Twilight blinked. “Uh… That isn’t what I was…”
Grumbling darkly, Rainbow Dash zipped over to Apple Bloom, lifted the filly in the air even as she let out a yelp, and deposited her in the highest branches of the tree.
“What in tarnation?!” Apple Bloom cried out. “Why’d ya put me up here?! Get me down! Somepony, help!”
Hearing Apple Bloom’s cry, Big Mac came running from the west orchard.
“Rainbow Dash, tell Big Mac you can take him in a fight!” Pinkie said, hopping up and down and doing some boxing jabs with her hooves.
“Guys, this is kind of getting out of hoof…” Rainbow Dash said. But she followed Pinkie’s command and said in a flat tone, “Hey, I can totally take you in a fight!”
“Eeyup?” Big Mac said, confused. His gaze was torn between Apple Bloom crying up in the tree and the pony in front of him trying to pick a fight.
“No, seriously! Let’s go right now!” Rainbow Dash said, putting her hooves up.
“N-Nope!”
“Now kick him in the shin!” Pinkie shrieked.
“Whoa, Pinkie! She can’t do that!” Twilight protested.
“I thought that was the point?” Pinkie said, looking confused as she held her hoof up to her muzzle.
“No, we can’t ask Rainbow Dash to assault somepony! That’s illegal!”
“You guys, this is ridiculous!” Rainbow Dash yelled.
Rainbow’s shouting startled Big Mac, and he made a run for it, towards the house. As he did, he passed by Applejack, who had come after hearing the commotion, and he shouted out, “Your friend has gone crazy!”
“Rainbow Dash!” Applejack shouted, practically foaming at the mouth. Applejack’s imposing figure caused the rainbow-maned pony to shrink by about twenty percent. “Get Apple Bloom down from there right now!”
“Yes, ma’am!” Rainbow Dash zipped up to the tree and dropped Apple Bloom off on the ground. Apple Bloom ran off sobbing, as Rainbow Dash resumed cowering at Applejack’s hooves.
Growling, Applejack stomped one hoof into the ground. “What in land’s sake has gotten into you, Rainbow Dash? You’re acting so plum crazy, I have half a mind to get one of Zecora’s potions to check if you’re a changeling!”
“That’s not necessary…” Rainbow Dash forced a smile and gave an awkward chuckle.
“Hey, Rainbow Daaash!” Pinkie hummed, even though Twilight and Rarity motioned for her to stop, urging her not to throw more fuel on the fire. But Pinkie didn’t listen. “Take Applejack’s hat and put it on your head.”
“Oh, you have got to be-” Rainbow Dash slapped her hoof against her face. Taking a deep breath, she reached up to Applejack’s head and snatched her hat away, then replaced it on her own head.
Applejack puffed air from her nostrils. Without a word, she snatched her hat back. Rainbow Dash grabbed it again, and they went back and forth a few times, until Applejack got fed up with it and snarled. “Knock it off!” Rainbow Dash shrunk again and threw her hooves over her head.
On the hill, Twilight snatched Pinkie’s earmuffs away, causing Pinkie to moan in disappointment. Then Twilight donned a wry smile and said, “Uh oh, Rainbow. Looks like Apple jack is really mad. You’d better make up with her.”
“Oh, don’t say it!” Rainbow Dash hissed.
“Yup. You’d better make up with a hug!”
“Ugh, fine! I’ll do it!” Closing her eyes, Rainbow Dash wrapped her hooves around Applejack and squeezed her. Applejack was too shocked to even move.
“Now tell her you love her!” Pinkie Pie said, speaking into Twilight’s earmuffs.
“Yes, do, darling!” Rarity concurred.
“Uggggh!” Rainbow Dash groaned. Finally, she managed a “Wub you!”
“What in tarnation are ya doing?! Get offa me!” Applejack exclaimed. She shoved Rainbow Dash away and threw her to the ground. She brushed herself off, then grumbled. “Just plain ridiculous, and as ornery as a rattler snake! I hope y’all didn’t say anything to Fluttershy when she was here earlier!”
“I can’t believe it, Rainbow Dash, but you did it!” Twilight said. “I guess you win this round!”
Pinkie cupped her hooves around her muzzle, sucked in her breath, then hollered as loud as she could, “Now get outta there before Applejack gets you!”
“Eeeek!”
While Applejack glanced in confusement at where Pinkie was hollering, Rainbow Dash jumped past Applejack and dashed for the gate as fast as she could. After having had their position exposed by Pinkie, Twilight and the others ran away at top speed as well. Applejack just stared, flabbergasted, as ponies ran by her left and right, kicking up a storm of dust.
“What in Equestria?” Applejack uttered.
Once the four ponies made it to Twilight’s library tree home, they were all too afraid of being found by Applejack to return to their own homes, so they just had a sleepover. After hiding out at Twilight’s house all night, the four ponies recovered some of their courage and reconvened the next day for another challenge. The basic premise was the same, but this time they were working the counter at Sugar Cube Corner.
“I don’t know why we couldn’t just have done this at Rarity’s boutique…” Rainbow Dash said.
Rarity gasped. “Why, I never! I would never allow such ghastly behavior at my boutique!”
Rainbow Dash stuck out her tongue. “Yeah, alright…”
“Why would you want to work at the boutique when you can be surrounded by tasty cakes all day?”
“And you’re sure the Cakes are alright with this?” Rarity asked.
“The Cakes said it was fine!” Pinkie said.
“I don’t know, Pinkie…” Twilight said. “It didn’t really seem like they understood what we were doing when you told them…”
Pinkie laughed. “Oh, Twilight, you’re so silly! When has anypony ever not been able to understand something I’ve told them?”
“Ugh…” Twilight was afraid to answer.
“Anyway, I’m going first today!” Rainbow Dash declared. “After what happened last time, with all of you ganging up on me so hard... I’m not going to let that happen again.”
“Sounds good to me,” Twilight said.
While Rainbow Dash worked the counter, Twilight, Pinkie, and Rarity set up in Pinkie’s room, which was already set up for surveillance. Twilight cast a sound dampening spell just to make sure nopony heard them. Once that was all done, the game began. And the first thing they had Dash do was just to work the counter. Listening to Rainbow Dash grumbling as she took customer’s orders and tidied up the store was just too priceless, and the girls couldn’t stop giggling. Pinkie dropped a few cupcakes from a hole in the ceiling just to make a mess for Rainbow Dash to clean.
“Come on, you guys! This isn’t the game!” Rainbow Dash railed.
“Alright, alright!” Twilight said. “Next customer. Promise.”
“Aww…” Pinkie sighed. Then she grinned. “One more!” She dropped a cupcake, splattering lime frosting over the floor.
“Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash hissed.
Twilight, Pinkie, and Rarity got in one last giggle as Rainbow Dash mopped up the mess. Then Rainbow Dash set up at the counter and waited for the next customer. It was a long wait, and they all got bored. But then, when somepony finally did show up-
“Hey, y’all! I’m here for… Huh?”
It was Applejack. Rainbow Dash freaked out and ducked down behind the counter. Twilight and Pinkie burst into giggles.
“Anypony here?” Applejack asked.
“No, just go away…” Rainbow Dash whispered.
In a singsong voice, Twilight said, “Rainbow Dash, you’re supposed to be working the counter!”
“Yeaaah!” Pinkie concurred.
“Guys, it’s Applejack!” Rainbow Dash hissed. “She’s probably still mad about yesterday!”
“That’s fine. You can just take a loss for this round,” Twilight said.
“You guys are the worst,” Rainbow Dash growled. “Fine, just give me a second.”
After taking some deep breaths to steady herself, Rainbow Dash popped up, donned a big grin, and leaned her elbow against the counter. There was a short silence as she locked gazes with Applejack. Sweat began pouring down Rainbow Dash’s neck.
Applejack narrowed her eyes. In a cold voice, she simply said, “Dash.”
“Yep. That’s my name,” Rainbow Dash replied. She gave a nervous chuckle.
“And what are you doing here?” Applejack asked.
“What’s it look like? I’m working the counter here at Sugar Cube Corner.” Rainbow Dash tapped her hoof against the glass. “Yeah, just covering for Pinkie while she… uh… has a cupcake break.”
“Uh huh…” Applejack raised an eyebrow. “And you can hear customers with those fancy earmuffs?”
“Course I can. Ha ha ha…” Rainbow Dash glanced up at the ceiling. No instructions from Twilight and the others yet. Well, it seemed it was too soon to say that.
“Oh, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity said in a sweet voice. “Be a dear and tell Applejack that her outfit is so very passé.”
Rainbow Dash blinked. “But Applejack’s not wearing anything? Except her hat. Should I tell her that her hat is… uh… passed out?”
Applejack scowled, and Rainbow Dash stuffed her hooves in her mouth when she realized she’d said that aloud. “Dash, you ain’t wearing nothing neither! And I’ll have you know, if my hat looks tired, it’s on account of all the work we’ve been doing on the farm. Now, can you please cut out the shenanigans?”
“R-Right…” Rainbow Dash smiled again. “Soooo… What can I help you with?”
“I’m here to pick up a cake for Apple Bloom and her friends,” Applejack said. “Think you can handle that without any funny business?”
“Pft! Of course!” Rainbow Dash waved her hoof dismissively.
“Ooh! I know!” Twilight said, clapping her hooves together. “Bring out the wrong order!”
“Isn’t just talking to her bad enough?” Rainbow Dash muttered through clenched teeth. She grabbed a box at random, then put on her best smile. “Is this the cake?”
Applejack opened the box and stared at the confection inside. She turned a sour look upon the grinning fool responsible for the mix-up. “No, it ain’t. This clearly says, ‘Happy Birthday, Featherweight.’ Just how long have you been working here, Dash? You can’t figure out something simple like that?”
“Oh. Right! Let me just get your cake.”
“Ooh! Ooh! Keep bringing her the wrong order!” Pinkie said.
“Oh, come on!” Rainbow Dash moaned.
Rainbow Dash brought out the wrong order seven times, and each time Applejack grew more and more angry.
“Land’s sake, Dash! This ain’t even a cake, it’s muffins!” Applejack slammed her hoof down on the counter. “You doing this on purpose? Are you trying to make a fool of me?! Just bring me the dang cake that I ordered!”
“Alright, alright!” Rainbow Dash cast a nervous look up to the ceiling.
“What do you think, girls?” Twilight asked. “Has Rainbow Dash done enough?”
“I believe so,” Rarity said.
“Alright, go ahead Rainbow Dash. We’ll let you off the-”
“Kick her in the shin!” Pinkie shrieked.
“Er… No, Pinkie. We’ve been over this…” Twilight said.
“Aww!”
Rainbow Dash fished out Applejack’s cake from under a box of others and put it on the counter.
Applejack inspected the cake and seemed satisfied that there was no funny business this time. “About time! Sheesh!” Balancing the cake on her back, she headed for the door. Before going, she called back, “Don’t quit your job fixing the weather, Rainbow Dash. You’re a heck of a lot better at that.”
Collapsing in a bundle of sweat and nerves, Rainbow Dash let out a sigh of relief.
Rarity was up next. The others let her work the counter for a while. Having run a boutique for years, she did a fine job of it, giving cordial greetings and quickly getting the customers their orders. She did make a few suggestions for the organization of the place, which required Pinkie to rush in to stop her from messing everything up, but other than that she did fine and went on humming merrily. Finally, the perfect marks walked in through the doors, in the form of three little fillies.
“Hey, Sis!” Sweetie Belle grinned and waved. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo stood on either side of her.
“S-Sweetie Belle? What are you doing here, dear?” Rarity asked. She could hear Rainbow Dash and Pinkie’s snickering, so she was already feeling nervous.
“We’re picking up the cake for our Crusader party!” Sweetie Belle said.
“But dear, Applejack picked up that cake hours ago…” Rarity said.
Scootaloo and Apple Bloom exchanged confused glances. Sweetie Belle tilted her head, put her hoof to her mouth, and scrunched up her face. “Huh. That’s weird.”
Rarity forced a smile. Her left eye twitched. “Is it, dear?”
“Hey, what are you doing here, Sis? Don’t you have to run your store?”
This was just the opportunity Pinkie was waiting for. “Tell her you’re here to stuff your face with cupcakes until you burst!”
“Not very ladylike,” Rarity muttered. She cleared her throat, then smiled. “I’m, uh… here to stuff… my face… with confections… until I burst.”
“Wow! That sounds fun! Mom and Dad won’t let me eat sweets until I burst. It’s always, ‘eat your veggies, Sweetie Belle’. Being a grown-up must be great!”
“Uh… Yes, quite…” The corners of Rarity’s lips drooped into a grimace. She worried very much about what she was doing to her delicate little Sweetie.
Twilight stifled a giggle. “Now tell her you’ve got Tom running your boutique.”
Rarity made a face. “Really, Twilight?” She looked to Sweetie and answered, “As for my boutique, I’ve got Tom looking after things.”
Sweetie Belle titled her head. “Who’s Tom?”
“Tom’s a boulder, dear,” Rarity answered matter-of-factly. “But he’s got the heart of a diamond.” Under her breath, she hissed, “Happy, Twilight?”
“Woooow! I didn’t know boulders could run shops!” When Sweetie Belle said this, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo exchanged worried looks.
Rarity chuckled nervously. “Yes…”
There was a short silence, as the three fillies stared at Rarity.
“Aren’t you going to stuff your face, Sis?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Oh! Oh!” cried Rainbow Dash. “Stuff two cupcakes in your mouth! Then smear the rest of the box on your face!”
“Eh… I suppose I shall partake…” Rarity stuck out her tongue. But with a penalty game looming, she couldn’t afford to lose, so she did as Dash ordered, stuffing her cheeks with cupcakes and cringing and squealing the whole while she smeared cupcakes over her face, ruining her beautiful complexion. “Ew, ew, ew!”
With a strange look on her face, Sweetie Belle puffed out her cheeks and grabbed a cupcake. She began to imitate Rarity, moving the cupcake towards her cheek. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo both gasped and watched with bated breath.
“Ah! No, Sweetie! Don’t do that!” Rarity called out.
Sweetie Belle stopped. “How come? You did it, Sis.”
“Well, yes, but…” Rarity combed her mind for some kind of excuse. “Because you’re still just a child. It would ruin your complexion. Blemishes and such. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”
“No…” Sweetie sighed. “It looked so fun…”
“N-Now, I expect I must be going now,” Rarity said. “Because-”
“Because Mama’s gotta hit the tavern for some cider!” Pinkie said, finishing Rarity’s sentence for her.
“Oh, for the love of…” Rarity rolled her eyes. “So juvenile…” Speaking quickly, she said, “Because Mama’s got to hit the tavern for some cider.”
Confusion welling up on her mien, Sweetie Belle stuck her hoof to her mouth and cocked her head. “What does that even mean? Mama, like, our mother? And it’s not even cider season.”
Feeling a tad dismayed, Rarity bit down on her lower lip and fought back tears. “Nothing, darling! Don’t worry about it! In fact, forget everything I said here today! Ta ta!”
Rarity beat it out of there and hurried home to her boutique, leaving the Cutie Mark Crusaders alone in the bakery to scratch their hooves against the ground as they exchanged confused looks.
“Alright, that was good. We’ll give it to her,” Twilight announced.
“You’re too lenient,” Rainbow Dash scoffed.
After Rarity finished washing all the icing off her face, the four girls reconvened to continue their game.
“Looks like you’re up, darling!” Rarity said to Twilight.
Twilight donned a confident grin. “Actually girls, this time I’ve brought in a substitute.”
“Oooh! A twist and intrigue! I love it, darling!”
“A substitute?” Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “Hold on… You’re going to have somepony else go for you? How does that work?”
“Well, if she fails then I get the loss just the same as if I had gone myself. There’s no problem with that, is there?” Twilight leaned closer to Rainbow Dash, flashing her teeth in a smirk.
Rainbow Dash didn’t like Twilight’s confidence. Not at all. Just who was it she was bringing in? Which of her fearless friends? “I don’t know if we should allow this sort of thing… It kind of sounds like cheating… Just who did you get to sub for you?”
As if on cue, the door to the bakery was thrown open, and there stood a yellow pegasus with a pink mane. Fluttershy, staring at a pocket watch, entered the building. She didn’t look up until she was standing before Twilight. “Oh! Twilight!” She checked her pocket watch again. “I came exactly when you told me to. At least, I hope I did. I’m not late, am I? Or early?”
“Bwa ha ha ha!” Rainbow Dash dropped onto the floor. She rolled around on her back and kicked up her legs; she was laughing so hard she had trouble breathing. She rubbed a tear from her eye, then managed to spit out, “Fluttershy’s your sub?! You’ve got to be kidding me! There’s no way! She’ll lose right away!”
“Laugh if you want, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said, her demeanor unshaken. “But I believe in Fluttershy. Maybe you all don’t know how much she’s improved, but I’ve been with her every step of the way, so I do. And I have every bit of confidence in her, because I know that when there’s a friend in need, Fluttershy always pulls through. And boy do I need her help to avoid that penalty game…”
Rarity, face drawn with concern, voiced a protest, “Yes I know she’s improved, but Twilight, this is Fluttershy we’re talking about... Do you really want to put her through this?”
“Actually, this is exactly why I suggested this competition. I think this is just the sort of activity that will help Fluttershy overcome her shyness.”
“If you say so, darling…” Rarity said.
“I do say so. I know Fluttershy is up for this.”
“Gosh, I don’t know… But I’ll do my best, Twilight…” Fluttershy said, sounding much less confident than her friend about her abilities.
Twilight put her hoof around Fluttershy and in a gentle voice said, “I know you will. And that’s all I ask.”
Once everypony had gotten into position, with Fluttershy equipped with a pair of enchanted earmuffs and set to working the front counter, and everypony else listening and watching from Pinkie’s room, Rainbow Dash had just one last thing to say to Twilight: “You’re toast.” To which Twilight replied: “We’ll see.”
The moment of truth soon arrived, as the scaliest resident of Ponyville came into the bakery to check if his order for sapphire cupcakes was ready. Fluttershy exchanged a cordial greeting with Spike, then busied herself with packing up the cupcakes, while Rainbow Dash and Pinkie tried to think of what to make her do.
“Check this, Pinkie. I’ve got this,” Rainbow Dash said. Clearing her throat, she declared, “Alright, Fluttershy, I want you to repeat after me: Spike, your scales are on backwards.”
“Hah. Is that all?” Twilight asked.
Rainbow Dash smirked and mouthed, “Three… Two… One…”
“Um… I’m not saying that…” Fluttershy replied.
“No, it’s alright, Fluttershy,” Twilight said, her confidence wavering. “Go ahead and tell him. You did understand how this game works when I explained it to you, right?”
“Um, well… I understand, but… I just don’t think I can say… that.”
“Bwa ha ha! What’d I tell you?” Rainbow Dash said, unable to control her laughter.
All of Twilight’s confidence was shattered in an instant, and she fell into a full-blown meltdown. “What do you mean?! Come on, Fluttershy, it’s not like it means anything! Go ahead and tell him his scales are on backwards!”
Fluttershy was feeling just as upset as Twilight. She wanted to help her friend, but there was something inside of her that just wouldn’t allow her to repeat Rainbow Dash’s words. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get over that barrier. “I… I just can’t. What if it hurts his feelings?”
“It won’t! I promise it won’t” Twilight sounded desperate.
“Yeah, she’s right!” Rainbow Dash concurred. “Spike’s got thicker scales than that! Bwa ha ha ha!”
“I… I…” Fluttershy closed her eyes and moved her mouth, but the words just wouldn’t come.
“Please, Fluttershy! I’m begging you! I’m going to have to do a penalty game if you can’t do this!” Even though Fluttershy couldn’t see her, Twilight was pleading on her knees with her hooves together.
“Ohhh!” Fluttershy was on the verge of tears.
After listening to Fluttershy’s insane mumbling for a while, Spike just had to ask the obvious question. “Um, Fluttershy… Who are you talking to?” He peeked over the counter and looked all around the room.
“O-Oh! Nopony…” With a big grimace, Fluttershy averted her gaze.
Spike narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips as he studied Fluttershy. His gaze fell upon the earmuffs she was wearing. “Does this have something to do with what Twilight and the others are up to?”
“Oh, for goodness sake, Fluttershy!” Twilight exclaimed. “He knows what we’re up to! Go ahead and let him have his backwards scales!”
“Um, well… I’ll try… Spike…” Fluttershy took a deep breath. “Your… Your…” But her courage failed her, and instead Fluttershy proffered Spike’s order, all neatly wrapped up and ready to go. She donned a big, nervous smile. “Your cupcakes are ready!”
“I think we’re done here!” Rainbow Dash said.
“Yep,” Pinkie agreed. “I didn’t even get to do anything. Kind of a letdown…”
“I for one, am just relieved that we didn’t get poor Fluttershy into any trouble,” Rarity said.
“Noooooo!” Twilight wailed as she pulled at her mane. Her friends all watched with concern.
Twilight’s scream burned in Fluttershy’s ear and caused her to flinch. Her face froze into a grimace for a few seconds, before she donned an apologetic look. “Gosh, I’m so sorry, Twilight… I really really tried…”
Twilight sighed. “I know you did. It’s not your fault, Fluttershy… And I’m sorry I yelled at you.”
The girls hurried downstairs to comfort Fluttershy. And while Twilight, Pinkie, and Rarity were hugging her and telling her she’d done a great job, Rainbow Dash hovered over to Spike.
“Hey Spike, your scales are on backwards.”
“Waaah! Really?!” Cheeks burning red, Spike threw up his arms and legs, doing his best to cover up as much of his scales as he could.
Once things had settled down, and Spike was on his way home with his cupcakes, it was time for the final round of the day. Twilight was still busy petting Fluttershy’s mane and trying to keep her from crying, but the other three were ready. Or not.
“Alright, Pinkie, you’re up!” Rainbow Dash said.
“Yay!” Pinkie started to bounce, but stopped in midair. “Wait… Why do I even have to go? Twilight has two losses and I don’t have any.”
“Oh. That’s a good point, darling,” Rarity said. “Twilight’s already lost, so there’s not much point to Pinkie taking a turn.”
“Yeah, but…” Rainbow Dash bit her lip. “We all had to go, so it’s not really fair if Pinkie doesn’t take a turn…”
“Yeah, but if I take my turn, I can just refuse to do whatever you say and then it’s over,” Pinkie pointed out.
“Well…” Rainbow Dash scrunched up her face and thought long and hard for a time. “Hey, I’ve got it! How about we have a bet! Yeah! How’s this: if you take a turn and win, then I’ll take three losses. But if you lose, then you’ll take three losses. That way, we’ll keep it interesting. But just so you know, I’m going to go super hard on you.”
“Hmm…” Pinkie thought about Rainbow Dash’s proposal for about two seconds. “Nah.”
“What, seriously?” Rainbow Dash groaned. “But then why did I have to take a turn?! I didn’t have any losses either!”
“You’re the one who insisted on going first, darling,” Rarity pointed out.
“Grrrr! This whole thing is so unfair!”
“Anyway darlings, what are we going to do about this whole punishment thing for Twilight?” Rarity inquired. “Nothing too severe, I hope?”
Rainbow Dash brightened. “Oh, don’t worry about that. Pinkie and I already thought of the perfect punishment for Twilight, didn’t we?”
“Heck yeah!” Pinkie said. “It’s gonna be great!”
“Hmm… Why do I feel like I’m being left out of the loop in everything here?” Rarity grumbled.
“Oh my…” Fluttershy said, having overheard the other’s talk. She and Twilight were still separated from the others. “I’m so sorry, Twilight… You were counting on me, and now you’re going to get some kind of punishment…”
“You don’t have to worry about it. Besides…” Twilight shrugged. “I’m sure it won’t be that bad. They’re my friends, so they won’t come up with anything too harsh.”
“Really?”
Twilight nodded. “Yeah, probably.”
“Oh, thank goodness! I was so worried!”
“Hmm… But just in case…” Twilight leaned in to whisper something to Fluttershy.
Fluttershy smiled and nodded. “Got it, Twilight.”
Twilight chuckled. “But I’m sure it won’t be that bad.”
With what Pinkie and Rainbow Dash had planned, Twilight would soon be eating her words. Everypony went home for the time being. Twilight got a good night’s sleep, not thinking much of whatever little prank she’d have to endure tomorrow. When she woke up to reconvene with the others for the scheduled penalty game, Rarity met her downstairs in the library, where she was fitted for a dress, which apparently was necessary for the penalty game. Twilight couldn’t help but notice how jittery Rarity was, fretting over every little thing, and how she kept dabbing a handkerchief against her brow.
“What’s got you so worried?” Twilight asked.
Rarity gave Twilight a troubled look. She’d finished up with Twilight’s dress, so there was no need to keep sitting around. “Now, Twilight, I just want you to know that this whole thing was Rainbow Dash and Pinkie’s idea. I had nothing to do with it. Except for the fabulous costumes, of course.”
Now Twilight was getting worried. “Is it really that bad?”
Rarity averted her gaze. “Well, um… Yes, it is quite…” She cleared her throat. “I tried to talk them out of it, honestly, but they wouldn’t listen. Said all of my suggestions weren’t really punishments…”
Twilight sighed. “Let’s just get this over with.”
Opening the library doors, Twilight was shocked by the crowd of ponies already gathered. It looked like some kind of festival, except everypony was just sitting around a stage, waiting for something to happen. And evidently, the thing they were waiting for had something to do with Twilight, because everypony cheered when she opened the library doors. Smiling nervously, Twilight waved at the crowd as Rarity led her backstage, where Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Spike were waiting for them.
“What in Equestria is going on here?!” Twilight asked.
“It’s your punishment,” Rainbow Dash said with a smirk.
“Yeah, we invited everypony to see Princess Twilight do something spectacular!” Pinkie said.
Through clenched teeth, Twilight asked, “And just what would this something happen to be?”
“It’s a surprise, silly!” Pinkie said.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Twilight…” Fluttershy said, burying her face in her hoofs and trembling. “This is all my fault!”
With a worried look, Rarity moved to stand with Fluttershy and Spike. Fluttershy was nearly in tears, and Spike kept scratching the back of his head and staring up at nothing.
“What?” Twilight asked. “What is it?”
It was then that Twilight noticed the huge stack of books behind everypony. Upon closer inspection, the books were all very familiar. They were all her books. Books from the library.
“Spike! How could you let them have all these books and move them out here?!” Twilight asked.
“Eeh!” Spike recoiled from Twilight’s accusatory look. “Well, they were very convincing!”
Twilight spun on her heels to face Rainbow Dash and Pinkie. “Alright, what is it you’re planning? What is it you want me to do? Just tell me already!”
Pinkie had to put her hooves over her mouth to stifle her snickering, so it was up to Rainbow Dash to answer.
“Nothing much,” Rainbow Dash said. “We just want you to go out there and burn some books for everypony.”
Twilight’s jaw dropped. “What?! Are you crazy?!” She shook her head. “I can’t do that! These aren’t even my books, they’re the library’s! It’s illegal!”
“Relax, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash said. “Mayor Mare approved of everything.”
“And just how did you get her to do that?” Twilight demanded.
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “We let her sell tickets to this event. The funds will help the library get new books.”
“Errggghh!” Twilight buried her face in her hooves. “If you want to get rid of the books, why can’t we just donate them! Why do you want to burn up all that precious knowledge?!”
Rainbow Dash smiled and crossed her front legs. “Because then it wouldn’t be a punishment.”
Twilight sucked in her breath, then shouted, “I won’t do it! You can’t make me do it!”
“Hey, this was your rule, Twilight. You said whoever lost would have to do whatever the others said. You can’t back out now.” Dash put her hooves on her hips and narrowed her eyes as she delivered the reprimand.
“All the books are old editions and stuff you had multiple copies of anyway,” Pinkie added. “So this will actually help the library.”
Twilight scratched at the ground and grumbled. As much as she hated to destroy books in such a senseless manner, Pinkie did have a point. The revenue generated would help the library in the end, and weeding books was a necessary function of any small library with limited space. She took a deep breath. “Ugh! Alright, fine!”
“Great!” Rainbow Dash said. “Oh, by the way, we invited a few special guests to watch.”
Twilight grimaced. She’d had just about enough of Rainbow Dash’s surprises. “Who?”
When the only response she got was Rainbow Dash motioning toward the stage, Twilight peeked around the wooden beam and gazed at the audience out there. She gasped when she saw seated at some tables in the back, Princesses Celestia and Luna, Shining Armor and Cadence, and her parents.
Twilight was fuming with rage and hyperventilating all at once. “How could you invite Cadence, Celestia, and my parents to this?!”
“We wanted them to see you burn some books!” Rainbow Dash said. “Now, get out there, and don’t forget these, so we can tell you what to say!” Rainbow Dash plopped a pair of earmuffs over Twilight’s ears, then began pushing her out onto the stage.
“No, no, no!” Twilight wailed.
But it was too late to turn back. She was already on center stage, and everypony was watching her with expectant gazes. Rainbow Dash beat a hasty retreat, abandoning Twilight.
Twilight gulped. She had no idea what to do or say to the crowd. Fortunately, she soon heard Rarity’s voice in her ear, and thereby was given a speech to repeat.
“Good morning, mares and gentlecolts,” Twilight began. “I suppose you’re all wondering just what this big event that I invited you here for is. Well, your wait is over. Spike?”
Hearing his cue, Spike carted a big pile of firewood onto the stage, and he ignited it with his fiery breath, creating a bonfire. He hurried offstage, then returned with a pile of books.
Twilight smiled nervously and took the books from Spike. All around, the audience members exchanged confused looks. Princess Cadence’s brow creased in concern as she whispered something to Shining Armor. Twilight’s parents just went on smiling, oblivious to what was to come. On the other hoof, Princess Luna gave Twilight a secret smile that was both filled with worry and with reassurance. Twilight couldn’t even bear to look at Princess Celestia.
“Go on, Twilight. Toss them in the fire,” Rainbow Dash said.
Twilight’s hooves trembled as she held the fragile books. Those poor little stacks of paper bound by their covers. How could she possibly betray their trust by throwing them into a fire? And everypony who was watching her would be so disappointed. Princess Celestia would hate her and say she was the worst pupil she’d ever had! Twilight’s pulse quickened. Her heart was racing and the whole world was spinning around her. But the voices in her ears, her friends’ voices, were telling her she had to do it. She had to let the books go. So she did. She raised the books over the fire and she let them drop out of her hooves.
As the books dissolved into ashes, a collective gasp of astonishment rose from the audience, punctuated by a few shrieks of horror, followed by absolute silence.
Twilight forced a smile and repeated what Rarity told her to: “Yes, that’s right everypony! I’ve gathered you all here so you can watch me burn these books!”
Spike brought more and more books out to Twilight, and she dumped them into the flames. A sense of revulsion and nausea soon upset Twilight’s stomach, and she felt as though she were in real danger of throwing up. Though she wasn’t the only one sickened by the ordeal.
“Twilight, you have got to stop this!” Princess Cadence burst into tears and buried her face in Shining Armor’s shoulder, as the later patted her back. “Please, stop, Twilight! I don’t even know who you are anymore!”
“What is the meaning of this, Twilight?” Celestia furiously demanded. “I taught you better than to desecrate the invaluable wisdom of the ages in this manner!”
Luna started sweating and her eyes darted about wildly. She donned a nervous grin. “Oh, it isn’t so bad, Sister… I’m sure she has her reasons for doing this. Very good reasons. Reasons that she’ll explain later.”
“I just love burning books!” Twilight said with a twisted grin and twitchy eyes.
Fevered whispers ran through the whole crowd. Amidst the confused miens there were now dozens of angry ones. Voices rose up of ponies demanding to know just what was going on, and why Twilight was doing this. The whole place was quickly turning very hostile.
“Uhm, what’s going on, Pinkie?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Cadence and Celestia are just acting, right? I mean, you did tell them all what we were doing?”
“What? I only told Princess Luna when she visited my dream last night. I thought you were going to tell the others. I mean, you are the one with wings, after all.”
“I didn’t tell anypony!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
“Uh oh…”
Rarity grimaced and pulled on her hair. “You didn’t tell the princesses?! Of all the things that could happen, this is THE WORST THING!”
“N-Nah… It isn’t all that bad…” Rainbow Dash said. “Just means we’ll have to do some damage control afterwards.”
When Twilight tore up and discarded the next set of books, the crowd erupted into an uproar of hisses and boos. The crowd was ready to revolt, but they weren’t yet halfway through the huge stack of books. Twilight soldiered on with her forced smile, waiting for Spike to bring the next batch of books. It was all just too much.
“I can’t stand to watch this anymore! Waaaah!” Fluttershy wailed. Tears poured out of her eyes in droves, and her loud sobs brought her friends to attention.
“Guys, Fluttershy is crying,” Pinkie said.
“Ugh, fine!” Rainbow Dash said. “Tell Twilight she can stop!”
Getting the signal to stop was like a blessing from the heavens. Time seemed to move again, and Twilight was struck hard by her grief over all those who had fallen to the flames. She bit her lower lip to fight back the tears welling up in her eyes, then announced to the crowd, “And it looks like that’s it. Thank you, everypony, for coming for this auspicious occasion!”
The crowd dispersed, and with it the princesses and Twilight’s parents. Cadence continued sobbing, and Shining Armor, after a harsh look directed at Twilight, put his hoof around her and led her away. Twilight’s parents grabbed Spike and took him with them.
“Hey! Where are you taking Spike?” Twilight asked. “Mom? Dad?”
“We have no daughter!” her mother answered. “Certainly not one who would do this! Come along, Spike!”
“Uh… Sorry, Twilight,” Spike said. He couldn’t get away from Twilight’s parents. “I guess I’m going with them?”
Before Twilight could protest any more, Princess Celestia lighted down in front of her. The princess’s disappointment was palpable and plainly written on her mien. Twilight dropped onto her stomach and cowered from the princess’s harsh gaze.
“Twilight, I don’t know what’s gotten into you today, but I suspect you’ll soon have a friendship lesson to learn, so I’ll expect a letter. At least, I hope you’ll be learning a friendship lesson.”
With that said, Princess Celestia took off into the sky. Twilight’s eyes shone with tears as she watched the princess fly away.
After Celestia had gone, Princess Luna crept out of her sister’s shadow, wearing an apologetic look. “I’ll, uh… Try to smooth things over with my sister for you. And with Cadence. Try not to worry too much.”
So weighed down by shame was she, Twilight couldn’t even raise her head to meet Luna’s gaze. She barely managed to utter, “Thanks, Princess Luna…”
Once Luna had departed, and the crowds dispersed back to their daily business in the town, Twilight was left alone with her friends. Rarity lent her a shoulder to lean on. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie tried cheering her up.
“Oh man, wasn’t that awesome?” Rainbow Dash asked. “We sure got you, huh, Twilight?”
“I guess so…” Twilight pouted her lip. “If it was your goal to ruin my relationships with my family and the princesses…”
“I’m sure once they learn that it was a joke and we put you up to it, everything will be fine!” Pinkie said.
“I guess so…”
“Darling, maybe you need a moment alone?” Rarity suggested.
Twilight nodded.
“Alright, alright. So we might have taken things a little too far, and we might owe Twilight an apology,” Rainbow Dash said as she and the others departed to give Twilight her space.
“You think so?” Rarity shot back in a harsh and sarcastic tone.
Once the others were gone, only Twilight and Fluttershy remained. Fluttershy wiped the last of her tears from her eyes and then went to stand by Twilight. Suddenly, Twilight donned a sly grin.
“Looks like you came through for me after all, Fluttershy! Those were some nice crocodile tears!”
“Ah, yeah!” Fluttershy said, giving Twilight a hoof bump. “Exactly as planned!”
“I just wish you’d come through a little sooner…” Twilight said. “We lost some good books today.”
“Yeah…”
“Looks like you lost this time, Rarity!” Rainbow Dash declared.
“Ooooh!” Pinkie could hardly contain her excitement.
Twilight clapped her hooves together. “It sure feels good being on this side of the penalty game!”
Rarity sighed. “Yes, yes, I suppose I did lose. So just what is it you’re going to do to me?”
“You’ll have to wait and see!” Rainbow Dash said in a giddy voice.
Rarity rolled her eyes.
Rainbow Dash immediately spun around to huddle together with Pinkie and Twilight. She asked, “So, what are we going to do?”
“Well, let’s not do anything crazy awful to Rarity like you girls did to me… Princess Cadence still isn’t returning my letters,” Twilight said.
“Hmm…” Pinkie Pie furrowed her brow. “I think I’ve got an idea…”
A little while later, the girls reconvened. It hadn’t taken long at all to set up the punishment. All they needed to do was find a certain filly. And then Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie led Rarity back to her boutique.
“My boutique?! No, you wouldn’t dare!” Rarity cried out once she saw where her friends were taking her.
“Hee hee hee!” Pinkie Pie pushed Rarity along. “Come on! This is gonna be good!”
“Just what have you done to my boutique?!” Rarity demanded.
“You won’t have to wait much longer to see!” Twilight said.
Once she got inside, Rarity breathed a sigh of relief. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The place was just as she’d left it. Everything except for the filly waiting for her.
“Sweetie Belle?” Rarity said. “What are you doing here?”
“Your friends told me to come,” Sweetie Belle said. She wore an uncertain look.
“Oh no…” Rarity looked behind her, but Twilight and the other two had elected to remain outside. They were still in contact through their enchanted earmuffs though.
“Alright, Rarity! For your punishment, we’re going to have Sweetie Belle wreck your boutique!” Rainbow Dash declared.
“No, no, no! You can’t!”
“You’ve gotta do the penalty game, Rarity!” Pinkie said.
“She’s right. It’s the rules,” Twilight said.
Rarity sighed. Through clenched teeth, she said, “Very well.” She smiled nervously at Sweetie Belle.
“Your friends say I have to wreck your boutique,” Sweetie Belle said. “Is it really alright, Sis? You really won’t get mad?”
Rarity’s left eye twitched. Teeth still clenched, she replied, “Yes, dear. Go ahead and do what they say.”
“Whee-hee!” With a big grin, Sweetie Belle hopped up on her back legs and cheered. Then she dashed off through the store.
Aghast, Rarity watched as Sweetie Belle made a lap around the room, knocking over all the mannequins and throwing cloth and sewing tools to the ground. In less than ten seconds, the whole place turned into a giant mess. Rarity’s forced smile faltered when Sweetie poured out cans of glitter onto a purple swatch, then started gluing macaroni around the edges. The filly laughed gleefully as she worked on her project, but Rarity’s mien drooped into a horrified grimace. Out of Rarity’s collection of fabric, Sweetie made ten more of the abominations of macaroni art, then proceeded to tear down the curtains so she could replace them with the creations. In the process, Sweetie ended up tripping and getting wrapped up in one of the swaths, and while trying to get out she knocked over the ladder she’d been using, which ended up shattering a window.
Rarity gasped.
Sweetie Belle fought her way out of the cloth, then took a moment to stare at the damage she’d done. “Oops…” Feeling guilty, she clapped her hoofs together slowly. “You’re not mad, are you, Sis?”
“You can’t get mad, Rarity,” Rainbow Dash reminded her.
Rarity slid her hoof across her face, then rebounded with a reassuring smile. “N-No, of course not, dear. I’m just glad you’re alright.”
“Great! Because there’s still lots to do!” Sweetie Belle beamed, then raced off. She tried on a few dresses, but missed the head holes while pulling them over herself, and ended up puncturing them with her horn and riddling them with holes. Rarity gasped and nearly fainted when she saw the damage done to her masterpieces, but she managed to hold together. She couldn’t afford to be unconscious for a moment, after all; not with Sweetie Belle still running around and wreaking mayhem.
In the next seconds, Sweetie Belle nearly got herself crushed while knocking over a cabinet, but fortunately Rarity was there to intervene and catch the thing with her magic. Still, it really got Rarity worried and upset about the whole thing.
“Girls,” Rarity said in a low, threatening tone, “if she goes anywhere near my oven, I’m calling this off, penalty game or no. With her cooking skills, she’s liable to burn the whole place to the ground.”
“Alright, Rarity,” Twilight said in her appeasing tone. “We’ll tell her to stay out of the kitchen.”
By the end of the hour, gems were scattered across the floor, rolls of fabric were shredded into odd shapes, and glitter was pasted all over the walls.
“Gosh, you’re not mad at me, are you, Sis? You look mad…” Sweetie Belle’s eyes glistened like an apologetic puppy as she looked up at Rarity.
“Rarity’s eyes were wide open, and though she smiled, her lips were set in a snarl. But she managed to say, “No, of course not, dear… I’m not mad… Not at you…”
“Alright! Now that was a good punishment!” Twilight cheered as she clapped hooves with Pinkie and Rainbow Dash.
“Yeah it was!” Pinkie agreed.
“Totally awesome!” Rainbow Dash said.
“Hehe! But now that it’s over, I guess we should go and help Rarity clean up her boutique!” Twilight took a few steps forward, but didn’t hear her friends following. “Girls?” When she looked behind, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie were gone. Twilight breathed an exasperated sigh.
At last it was what everypony had been waiting for, the one thing that kept Twilight and Rarity playing the game even after so many humiliating punishments: a Rainbow Dash loss!
“Yeah, yeah, it’s not that big of a deal, so stop it with the smiling and squealing,” Rainbow Dash said, wearing a sullen scowl.
“Well, Rainbow Dash? Don’t you want to know what your punishment is?” Twilight donned a smirk.
“For crying out loud, just tell me already,” Rainbow Dash said.
“Alright. You’re going to be doing a book reading for a group of fillies and colts.”
“What’s the book about?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“It’s all about you, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight answered.
“Heh. Is that all?” Grinning, Rainbow Dash said, “A book about me? I’m liking the sound of this already. It doesn’t sound like a punishment at all.”
“Yes, darling, except the book was written by us, so you might not find it to your liking,” interjected Rarity.
“She’s right,” Twilight said. “This isn’t going to be an opportunity for your showboating. It’s a punishment, and it’s going to be horrible and humiliating! Hee hee hee!”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Sure it is, Twilight.” She faked a yawn, just to show how unintimidated she was.
Twilight donned an annoyed look.
“What are we waiting for, sillies?” Pinkie asked as she head-butted Rainbow Dash in the side. “Everypony’s already waiting in the library! Let’s get you in there, Rainbow Dash!”
“I’m coming, I’m coming. No need to push…”
Inside the library, Rainbow Dash found everything set up for her. There was a stool for her to sit at and a picture book big enough so that everypony could see it. There was a crude drawing of a blue pegasus with a rainbow mane on the cover, and the title written in gold leafing was “The Life of Rainbow Dash”. A crowd of children was gathered around, all eagerly awaiting the reading, along with their parents and guardians who sat near them. And sitting front in center of the crowd was- “Oh, Celestia, no…” –Applejack and Apple Bloom. Seeing Applejack there, smiling with her hoof on Apple Bloom’s shoulder, Rainbow Dash got nervous for the first time.
“Awful nice of you to volunteer to read for the little ones,” Applejack said.
Rainbow Dash forced a smile and gave a nervous chuckle. “Um… Yeah…” She inspected the book, looking for just what sort of trick Twilight and the others were getting at. But it seemed pretty normal. Nothing unusual was written on the front or back cover, and opening it didn’t cause snakes to jump out.
“Oh boy, I’m so excited!” Scootaloo said. “A book about Rainbow Dash! The greatest pony in all of Equestria!”
“Yeah!” Sweetie Belle agreed.
Rainbow Dash bit her lower lip. She couldn’t stand seeing the two fillies looking so excited when she knew something awful was going to happen.
“So, are you gonna start reading now or what, Rainbow Dash?” Scootaloo asked. “I don’t think I can take another second of waiting!”
“Go ahead, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said over their earmuffs. “All you’ve got to do is read the book.”
Rainbow Dash grimaced. “Uh, yeah… Let’s just jump right into it…” She gulped. Then, with no idea of what would happen, she opened the book to the first page and closed her eyes. There was a collective gasp from the crowd.
“N-now, don’t worry y’all…” Applejack said. “I’m sure it ain’t as bad as it seems…” With a furious look at Rainbow Dash, she muttered, “Least, I hope it’s not.”
Rainbow Dash peeked one eye open and looked to the page. The title was repeated, but this time there was a long subtitle, along with a picture of Rainbow Dash with crosses for eyes. With a sick feeling in her stomach, Rainbow Dash read the words on the page: “Um… This is my book… It’s the story of the time I got full of myself and upset my friends so badly that they lured me into the woods to steal my kidneys.”
To her friends who were listening through her enchanted earmuffs, Rainbow Dash hissed, “Are you guys channeling your pent up aggression towards me or what? This is seriously messed up…” The only response she got from Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie was laughter.
As Rainbow Dash turned the pages and continued reading, a horrifying tale of arrogance rewarded by deceit and betrayal unwound, accompanied by very graphic, very macabre illustrations. The tension in the room rose and rose as parents grew increasingly hostile and the children grew increasingly afraid and confused. When a particularly disturbing picture of a crazy-eyed Pinkie Pie appeared on the page holding a surgical knife, concerned parents covered their children’s eyes, and some tore their children from the room. Seeing all the parents glaring daggers at her, Rainbow Dash felt beads of sweat dripping down her face, and it took all of her strength to keep reading. Finally, she came to the last page.
“A-And so, after my friends cut out my kidneys as repentance for my hubris, they left me unconscious in the middle of the forest, cold and alone, and with no way to filter my blood, should I ever awaken. And in those dark moments, lost deep in my nightmares, I wondered what I might have done differently, to have been a better friend, so that we might not all have ended up here… Because deep in my heart, I knew that the evil I had seen in my friends’ eyes was my own horrible arrogance reflecting back on me…” Rainbow Dash slammed the book shut and grinned widely at her audience. “The end!”
There was a long silence, followed by the angry grumbles of parents. Rainbow Dash felt their penetrating gazes and felt ashamed for the awful thing she’d done. On the other hoof, Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie were giggling in her ear. They seemed to be the only ones enjoying themselves. Everypony else looked like they wanted to imprison Rainbow Dash in Tartarus.
“Am I done now?” Rainbow Dash hissed to Twilight and the others.
“Not yet. You’ve got to do a question and answer session,” Twilight replied.
“Ugh…” Rainbow Dash fiddled with her hooves. “Um, well… What did you all think?”
“Ooh!” Sweetie Belle raised her hoof. With a blank look on her face, she said, “I liked the page that was red!”
“Uhm…” Rainbow Dash donned an irritated look. “That was blood, Sweetie Belle. That was blood from when my friends cut my kidneys out. It was very graphic.”
Sweetie Belle’s mouth formed a circle “Ohhh!”
“Land’s sake, Dash!” Applejack swore. “I can’t believe you’d expose Apple Bloom to a book like that! Haven’t ya got a lick of sense?!”
Rainbow Dash cowered as Applejack towered over her. She was trembling so badly she only managed to stutter out an, “Uhh…”
After growling, Applejack spun around, grabbed Apple Bloom, and headed for the door. “We’re leaving!”
“Uhh… Alright…” Apple Bloom wore a look of confusion. She just couldn’t seem to puzzle out the strange story and she couldn’t figure out why her sister was so mad. She put her hoof to her mouth as Applejack hauled her off.
Rainbow Dash exhaled a breath of relief once Applejack was gone. But all the angry grumbling around her reminded her she wasn’t out of danger yet. Emboldened by Applejack, the crowd got louder and rowdier. Rainbow Dash decided to ignore all of the name-calling and ponies yelling at her telling her she ought to be ashamed of herself. Giving a nervous chuckle, she asked, “So, uh… Anyone else?”
Scootaloo raised her hoof.
“Yes, Scoots?”
“Why would you read something that isn’t about how awesome you are?” Scootaloo asked.
“W-Well, that’s a good question…” Rainbow Dash was hoping Twilight had an answer for it, but all she heard in her ear was giggling. Rainbow Dash averted her gaze and quickly said, “I don’t know, I guess I just kind of like it.”
Scootaloo crossed her front legs and pouted her lip. “This book offends me.”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “Well, it’s a good thing you don’t have parents to complain to.
Rainbow Dash flinched when a collective gasp from Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie exploded in her ear.
“Rainbow Dash! Nopony told you to say that!” Twilight exclaimed.
“Way to make things more awkward than they needed to be!” Pinkie said.
“What? What’s the big-” Rainbow Dash’s gaze fixed on Scootaloo’s tearful eyes, and her quivering lips. And now the angry parents all around were snarling like rabid wolves. “Oh…”
Scootaloo rubbed her eyes and sniffed. “J-Just because they’re not around all the time, doesn’t mean I don’t have parents! Besides, I do have parents I can complain about to! Your parents! I’m gonna tell them what a big meanie you’re being!” Scootaloo burst into tears.
“What are you waiting for?!” Rarity cried out. “Apologize to the little dear!”
“Eek!” Rainbow Dash let out a little squeal and then hopped over to Scootaloo to give her a hug. “I’m so sorry, sweetie!”
“What are you apologizing to me for?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“No, I mean… Ugh, never mind! Look, Scoots, I didn’t mean it like that! I’m so so sorry!”
Scootaloo wiped away her tears. “It’s okay…” She looked up at Rainbow Dash. “But I still don’t understand why you’d write a book about yourself like that…”
Rainbow Dash averted her gaze. “Uh… Well… I don’t either, Scootaloo.” She gave Scootaloo a reassuring pat on the head.
“Alright, Rainbow Dash, I think your punishment is over. Now get out of there before those ponies decide to hurt you,” Twilight said.
“You don’t have to tell me twice!”
Before anyone could blink, Rainbow Dash shot out the door. Her disappearance put the crowd into an uproar, and they did the only sensible thing they could with their pent-up rage: they took the offending book and tore it to pieces.
Once she’d reunited with her friends behind the library, Rainbow Dash exhaled a deep breath. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to show my face in Ponyville for a while… Maybe Fluttershy has room in her cottage. Then again, that might not be far enough away… Better try Zecora.”
Twilight chuckled. “I think that was our best penalty game yet!”
“Yeah right!” Rainbow Dash hissed. “That was awful! You made all those ponies in there hate me!”
“Dear, I seem to recall you doing the same thing to Twilight…” Rarity said.
Rainbow Dash crossed her hooves in front of her chest and grumbled.
“Twilight’s right, that was awesome!” Pinkie said, beaming and throwing her hooves into the air.
“That was so not awesome…” Rainbow Dash grumbled.
Twilight raised an eyebrow and grinned at Rarity. “We finally got Rainbow Dash back with a good punishment. Now if only Pinkie would lose, eh?”
“Ha ha ha! Quite right, darling.”
“Nah.” Looking bored, Pinkie waved her hoof in a dismissive way. “See, I’ve got it worked down to a statistical model, so I can work the probabilities of you guys losing a challenge, thus ensuring I never lose and never get punished.”
Completely astonished, Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash all gaped at Pinkie Pie.
“Um… Crazy idea, guys,” Rainbow Dash began. “How about we just stop playing this silly game? Before it ends up damaging our friendship or something…”
Twilight cast a worried look at Pinkie Pie, who was now back to beaming as bright as sunlight. “That might be a good idea…”
