Dig Site had a...nice life, he supposed.

Dig Site was a batpony stallion who had moved to Ponyville not too long ago. And when he had moved in, he’d paid for a nice house on the outskirts of town. All at once, in cash, and then he sort of shut himself in there. Only occasionally did he emerge for more groceries to keep himself going. He had a black mane and tail with a single silver streak running through them both, a charcoal gray coat, violet wings, and a mark of a pickaxe and a shovel crossed over each other on his flanks. His eyes were golden cat-eyes that belonged to all thestrals, but you wouldn’t know it if you met him on the streets, because he always wore his sunglasses during the day. He also sported the traditional slightly-fluffy ears of batponies, as well as some fangs that anypony could see when he opened his mouth to talk.

It took the townsponies years to get used to his presence. Though the fact that he didn’t even try to integrate into the town until Twilight ascended kind of helped with that. But when he did, the stallion revealed his magnum opus, his life’s work.

He’d spent his younger, colt years going around the world, from one culture to another, learning, researching, and finding historical artifacts, all to lead him somewhere grand. Somewhere that ponies had forgotten how to get to. He’d even taken a year away from the town to try and follow the trail himself, and still failed to get there. But...the path was laid.

The path to finding the old home of ponies, Paradise Estates, hidden in Dream Valley.

He never quite got there himself, though. The road was long and blocked by a wall of ice and snow that was fed under a perpetual blizzard. He did, however, manage to reach the home of the pony’s allies, the Flutterponies, and came back with their legendary Sunstone. His proof that he wasn’t making things up. The moment he unveiled it, it blazed with newfound light and power, proving that the old legends were real.

Thus, the Princess of Books had paid him quite handsomely for all his research, relevant artifacts, and would continue to pay him in installments for the return of the Sunstone to pony hooves. An expedition was planned for the decades ahead, once Celestia had managed to get teams out there to break up the storm and melt the snow and ice. In the meantime, a wing of the new crystal tree castle had been turned over to the display of Dig Site’s work.

And now that he’d accomplished much of what he’d set out to do, the stallion decided to integrate with the town.

Which was easier said than done. Every day he woke up and was kind, polite, and helpful to everyone he met.

Most everyone appreciated it.

Two familiar faces from his exploring days, however, had shown up in town not long after the princess had opened up his little museum and...never took well to even a simple ‘Good morning.’

Honestly, Dig Site didn’t even know why they were there. It’s not like they engaged in much conversation with him beyond shouting and physical abuse. Nurse Redheart was getting tired of stitching him back together.

Still, best to make an attempt. Fiftieth time was the charm, surely. “Morning Ember, how are you?” the stallion greeted the blue dragoness as he came upon his two tormentors staring at each other. They usually greeted him on this street corner.

“Don’t talk to me.” Ember glared at him.

“Fuck off dweeb.” Gilda gave him an equally scathing glare.

Dig Site sighed. “I wish you two would just tell me your problems instead of mauling me,” he mused aloud. “The hospital is running out of ‘free sandwich’ cards to give me for every tenth mauling.”

Both just mutely continued to glare. If his ears were right, they’d been arguing before he came in.

“So, what were we arguing about?” he prompted the pair. “Maybe I can act as a mediator, a neutral third party here? I do know the both of you a little bit.”

“Nothing.” Ember crossed her arms under her bust and didn’t look at him.

“And I’m out.” Gilda said with a huff and made towards the front door.

Dig Site watched the hen leave before turning back to the dragoness. “...Honestly I don’t know who you hate more; each other or me,” he said dryly.

“Yes.” Ember puffed out her cheeks, flicking her tail back and forth.

“Look, if you would talk to me I might be able to do something for you,” Dig Site stressed. “Didn’t I tell you ages ago that that’s what friends do, help each other? Help me understand,” he almost-begged the dragoness, “And I’ll help you out as much as I can.”

“Ugh! Fine!” Ember threw her arms up, her wings flaring out. “What do you want to know?”

“Why are you so angry every day?” Dig Site posed to her, also ready to jump back in case she was going to respond with a claw to his face.

“Oh, I don’t know.” She rolled her eyes, once again crossing her arms under her bust. “I don’t have a hoard, I was kicked out of the Dragonlands, and I don’t have a home?” Smoke wafted from her nostrils.

“Well, I uh, can’t help with the being kicked out part, but maybe I can help with the other stuff?” Dig Site posed. “If you wouldn’t mind coming back to my place...not for anything like that!” He cut off her train of thought as more smoke billowed for a moment. “I just...have some guest rooms I’m not using, so I can certainly put you up. But I think the basement will be of interest to you.”

There was the faintest blush on her cheeks. “I… suppose… I mean…. If you’re offering. But what do you want in return?!” She glared once again.

“Friends help each other,” Dig Site replied with a smile. “Though if you’re offering, I’ll take ‘not being mauled in the morning.’”

She seemed to be considering it. “Fine.”

The basement was well made, mostly. Though there was a section that was unfinished and resembled a cave. But in the finished section?

“So these are all the artifacts I found during my tour of Equus,” the stallion said, waving a wing at the pile of history. Well...it was organized. Just, no labels. Everything was laid out in piles of relevance to each other. “Here we have some armor from the Griffish Empire days, over there we have some traditional Yak tapestries, that pile consists of everything I could find relating to the Crystal Empire from before it was sealed away, and this little bag holds the First Dragon’s hoard, or what’s left of it.” Seeing her interest in the name and dismissing the bag, the stallion smirked. “Also being held in an old-timey Bag of Holding.”

He noticed her actually starting to drool. “You don’t say…” Her eyes were fixated on, well, all of it.

“Yeah,” Dig Site rubbed the back of his head. “And that’s to say nothing of the Hippogriff, Harpy, Abbysian, and Zebra artifacts I have still packed away. I unseal it from the bags they’re in at need and sell them off for food and other expenses. I would have things from the Kirin, but they were...kinda silent on what things were worth when I went to them. So I left them where I found them.”

“Uh huh.” She nodded, clearly not really listening.

“So, you good?” the thestral asked her, drawing close enough to touch her with one of his wings.

She jumped and swiped at him, however didn’t actually hit him this time. She growled, steaming a little. She seemed to come to and her growl faded. “It’s fine.”

“Oh good,” Dig Site sighed. “Okay then. You can consider yourself my accountant for this hoard of stuff I’ve accrued,” he joked. “Meanwhile I have a cat to track down.”

“Wait, I’m your what?” She snapped at him.

“When you can come up with a different argument than you becoming my live-in accountant, I’ll listen~” Dig Site teased as he walked upstairs, his flank swaying with each step.

Ember blushed and stared at the piles and piles of stuff. Growling, she picked up a bag and started examining it’s contents.

That was...how could all those gems fit in there?! They smelled delicious…

She reached in to take one.

“-And don’t eat anything!”

She growled again and tossed it back into the bag.

Dig Site’s next place to visit on his tour was not ‘wherever Gilda had gone’ but to miss Rarity, to set up a deal to buy gems from her on a semi-daily basis for his new dragon tenant. She gave him a good price and even a bucket to carry back home.

The thestral wondered when the dragoness would come out of the basement and catch sight of the bucket of gems on the dining table for her.

After that, though, the batpony stallion began to track down the angry cat-bird. She was usually easy to find by the trail of destruction she left in her wake.

He found said griffon wandering the streets. “What do you want?” She asked as her stomach growled.

“How about lunch? My treat, you can come with,” the stallion answered easily. “I know a place that does fried fish, most ponies are too squeamish to go.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Did you just say fish?” Her stomach growled again.

“C’mon, it’s just this way,” the stallion led her towards Bridle street. “It’s a little hidden, but it does the best fish this side of Canterlot.”

“This better be good, dweeb.” She frowned. “You’re a pony, how do you know about this place?”

“Thestral,” the stallion smirked, flicking his ears at her. “We need more protein than the average pony. Bugs don’t cut it for very long.”

“I feel that.” She nodded, shuddering a little.

“Sooo, I found a nice little bar and grill a couple of years ago, and have been coming here for whenever I get meat-hungry,” the stallion said. “Shame about their last bouncer though.”

“What happened?” Gilda asked, starting to sound curious.

“He was caught fucking the owner’s wife…” the stallion started off with.

“Ha! Shit!” Gilda barked out a laugh. “Yeah, yeah, that’s a sure way to get fired.”

“-in the cellar where they keep all their drinks,” Dig Site finished. “Ponies had been complaining about the quality for a while. Turns out he’d bend her over a cask and rail her. So now the owner’s out a bouncer and a wife. Kept the business, the house, and the foals though.”

“Oh. You don’t say.” There was a visible blush on her cheeks as her tail flicked wildly. “Say is it close?”

“Just through that door up there,” Dig Site pointed ahead, three doors down on the right side. “Why?”

“Just... hungry…” She grumbled.

“Ah well then,” Dig Site smiled as they reached the door. “Allow me to introduce us to the bar.”

The stallion opened the door with a bang and took a deep breath. “Oi! Where the bloody fuck are you, you foul-mouthed mini-pone?” he barked out. “I got a hungry guest here who needs your salty fish afore she keels over!”

A small fluffy blue ball of pony, that could easily be confused for a colt were it not for his thick back beard, sat on a stool at the other side of the bar. The stallion’s thick black mane almost covered his grey eyes.

“Oh, you are just adorable!” Gilda laughed aloud.

“And ye look like ye need a thick sausage in yer cun.’” The stallion replied to the griffon. He then turned towards Dig Site. “Why’d ye bring the lass in, if she needed a good fucking ye coulda just taken her ‘ome.”

“Nah, nothing like that,” the batpony said, pulling up a seat at the bar and gesturing for Gilda to follow suit, not even looking at her as he flicked a wing to point at the seat next to him. “She’s been dying for some good meat in this town, and you make the best fried fish, so I figured I’d bring her here and see what she makes of it.”

“Ah, do.” He nodded. “Ye want a drink while ye wait?”

“It’s not even two yet,” the thestral deadpanned.

“Yes.” Gilda replied.

“Comin right up.” The stallion nodded. He hopped onto a little ledge built right behind the bar and trotted over to the glasses. “Oh, an’ Ah’m Stone Stud. This is me pub.”

“Nice place.” Gilda nodded. “Stud huh?”

“Yep.” He nodded after filling a glass and sliding it down to her. “Me wife wanted a stallion that she could take easier. See, Ah might be small, but I’ve got-”

Dig Site coughed.

“You’re no fun.” Gilda glared at him, blushing a little as she took a drink. Her eyes widened. “Shit. It’s good.”

“Ah know.” Stud nodded as he trotted around the ledge to the other side of the bar where there was a full kitchen set up. “Ye wan’ anything else with yer fish? Fries? Tartar sauce. A place te fuck Dig like a bitch in heat? Cause I got a storage room if ye wan’.”

Dig groaned.

“Eh?” She shrugged, taking another drink. “Surprise me. Though remind me about that storage room later.”

“Sure thing.” He turned towards the stove. As he reached around to grab various things. “So, ye look like a sturdy lass.”

“Call me a lass again and I’ll show you how sturdy I am.” Gilda smirked at him.

“Ha! Ye got a fire under all those feathers.” Stud laughed as he cooked. “Ye wouldn’t happen te need a job, would ye?”

“Well, seeing as I’ve got nothing better to do most days….” Gilda seemed to consider.

“Food and drinks are free fer you and yer boy, pays good too. Jus’ treat ma foals right when they’re here. I’d say don’ fuck ma wife but tha’s no longer an issue.”

“Sorry.” Gilda said slowly.

Did she just apologise?

Stud waved away her concerns. “Yer fine. Ah’ve got ma pub, an ma foals. Ah’m a happy stallion.” He turned around with a plate on his back and trotted back around to the frontside of the bar. “‘Ere ye go.”

It was a plate of two thick slabs of beer-battered fish, as well as thick cut chips seasoned in garlic and pepper. A small bowl of tartar sauce sat in the middle of the plate.

Gilda started drooling.

“Well, ye gonna eat it or fuck it?” Stud raised a brow.

Gilda tore into it. Viciously.

“Ye wan’ anything Dig?” The small stallion asked.

“Eh, I’m good, I got food at home,” the stallion waved him off. “Though I will pay for her food and drinks.”

“No ye fuckin won’” Stud shook his head. “Ye brough’ somepony new. Also, she migh’ be mah new employee.”

“Mmmhmmm” Gilda said through food, before swallowing. “I mean, hell yeah I will. This is great!”

“I don’ see why ye were complainin’ so much, she’s deligh’ful.” Stud grinned at the larger stallion.

“You were what now?” Gilda asked, narrowing her eyes.

“You and Ember turned my face into a chessboard on a regular basis,” the batpony stallion deadpanned. “You refused to tell me what was wrong and expected me to develop psychic powers to be able to help you. Asking me not to bitch about the pair of you to my barkeep is asking me to have the patience of fuckin’ Luna.”

“... Fair.” Gilda frowned and returned to to her food.

“But I think, hopefully, today will have helped the pair of you,” Dig Site said with a sigh. “Unless, of course, you also don’t have a place to sleep.”

Gilda paused. “Maybe…”

Dig Site’s head hit the bar. “Of course,” he mumbled. “Look, I have a guest room you can use,” he stated after lifting it again. “But I expect you to help out around the house. Pay for utilities, food, things like that. Chip in with the bills, y’know?”

“That doesn’t sound too hard.” Gilda said, finishing her meal.

“Sounds like ye got everythin’ settled.” Stud smirked. “Except yer gonna be livin with two attractive mares.” He looked at Gilda. “Ye wan’ tha’ back room I mentioned?”

“Please stop trying to pervert my new housemate,” Dig Site deadpanned.

“What do you mean pervert?” She raised a brow. “If I wanted I could just take him.”

“Back room.” Stud chuckled. “Jus’ in case ye wanna stake yer claim.”

“I’m good.” She chuckled, nudging Dig with an elbow.

“Oh good,” the stallion sighed. “Let’s go home then.”

Gilda stared at Ember. Ember stared at Gilda. Dig stared at the pair. The air was tense. He had to cut the tension somehow.

“Ember, did you get the gems I left out for you?” he tried as an opener.

“Yep. They’re in a nice pile in the corner.” Ember relied, her eyes not leaving the griffon’s.

“Oh. You know, when I said don’t eat anything, I meant the stuff in the basement,” the thestral said. “Those gems were meant for you in case you were hungry.”

“A hoard needs to start somewhere.” She replied.

“Ah. Okay then,” the stallion looked between the two females. “Okay, so...I’m just going to take Gilda up to her room so she knows where it is…” Maybe? If they would let him?

“... Cool.” Ember turned to head towards the basement, her hips and tail swaying with each step.

“So, where’s this room?” Gilda asked.

“Ah, it’s just up this way, opposite mine,” the stallion said, leading her upstairs. “There,” he pointed it out. “That’s my room, the main bathroom, and that door leads to the guest room which you can have. That door down there is where Ember can stay so she’s closer to her hoard when she’s tired of spending all day in the basement.”

“Mmmm, nice.” She nodded and turned towards the door. She paused. “Hey, thanks. You’re not as much of a dweeb as I thought.” With that she walked into her room.

Whew. Maybe this wasn’t going to blow up in his face after all. Dig Site sighed and prepared to make dinner for them all.

Early the next morning, the thestral stallion woke up and headed down into his kitchen to make coffee for everyone. He knew just how to make it. Not too strong, but enough of a kick to get him going in the morning. The cream was set out to go in the cups after it was poured. It was only the work of ten minutes to brew the wonderful drink of morning go-juice.

Just after the third cup was poured, the stallion heard the telltale sound of feet plodding into the kitchen. “Perfect timing you two~” he practically sang, taking one cup for himself and warming his hooves on it. “The coffee’s ready~” He put the other two cups on the counter closer to the entryway.

Gilda took a cup, and looked at it. She swiftly lashed out a talon…. And swatted his snoot. “No cream.”

Ember took the other and took a drink. She swatted his flank. “Not strong enough.”

...Okay, so they had their own tastes. Still, this was progress, they weren’t clawing him.

Author's Note

Were making a clop fic.

There's no going back now.