Chapters World Domination and What Comes Next
“Okay, just sign here,” Martin pointed to a signature line on the contract he was holding out. Principal Celestia skimmed the text above the line and then signed it. “And initial here,” Martin continued, pointing to a new spot. Celestia did. “And finally, sign and date here,” he said, pointing to one last spot at the bottom. Celestia hesitated for a moment, trying to remember the date, and then did.
“Alright, we’re done,” Martin said, and rolled up the contract. “Thank you for your patronage. I believe you will be very happy with your new GEICO service.” Principal Celestia thanked him, he hopped down from the top of her desk to a chair below, and then slid down the chair leg to the ground. Martin was, after all, only a few inches tall. As a small green gecko, he might not look like much, but he was GEICO’s #1 saleslizard.
As soon as he’d left the principal’s office, having walked on his hind legs out the door, he leaped up as high as he could and pumped his fists in celebration. With that sale, GEICO had finally achieved a complete monopoly over the entire car insurance business all across the world, the last holdout for a competitor’s company now a GEICO convert. A few other businesses were still holding on with their cash reserves, trying fruitlessly to win back their former customers, but GEICO’s service was just too good to give up. Everyone else would be bankrupt soon enough.
As Martin walked through the halls toward the exit, he whistled happily, sure he’d be getting a nice bonus soon. He’d been surprised that the school didn’t ban solicitation of its employees during work hours, but he certainly wasn’t one to complain. He’d been trying to court Celestia for a new GEICO car insurance plan for months, and as the cost of her former plan had continued to increase as her former company lost customers, she’d finally become more amenable to the idea. He unrolled the contract and looked at it again, a huge smile on his face and a tear of joy running down his cheek.
Then it hit him. Now that everybody had GEICO car insurance, would they even need him anymore? They wouldn’t have much use for a saleslizard if there was nobody to sell to, would they? He rolled the contract back up and frowned, no longer so happy about the situation. But he still had to do his job nonetheless - lifting the small cell phone he’d been carrying, which had been custom-made for his size, he called the company.
“Did you get her signed up?” a voice on the other end asked. It was Bill Roberts, the CEO of GEICO.
“Yep, I’ve got the contract right here. It’s all signed and everything. I’ll fax it over as soon as I can.” Martin said.
“Great! Now don’t forget the meeting on Friday - I see big things in your future!” Mr. Roberts said. It was Tuesday, but Martin had been promised Wednesday and Thursday off if he was able to sign Celestia to a policy.
“I won’t,” Martin said.
They each said, “Bye!” and then Martin hung up. What kind of “big things” could he be talking about? Unemployment? Welfare? Well, things wouldn’t be that bad for a while. He had a decent amount in savings, and besides, he was probably overthinking it. The company probably had some kind of promotion or new position available for him, that was all. Nevertheless, he still couldn't quite shake his fear.
He reached the front office of the school and asked if he could use their fax machine. The secretary obliged and he faxed the contract over to GEICO headquarters. By that time, school was getting out and students were starting to leave, some coming through the office on their way.
“Wow, can you believe we went to a whole ‘nother universe ?” a girl with blue hair said to another girl, one with pink and purple hair, as they walked through the office. “And one where everyone was a pony? Even I was a pony! You were a pony! I love ponies! Whoops,” she said. She’d accidentally dropped the books she was carrying as she waved her arms in enthusiasm.
“Yes, Lyra, ponies are pretty great,” her friend said, not nearly as enthusiastic. She bent down to help pick Lyra’s things up. Their hands touched and Lyra blushed.
“Oh, Bon Bon, you loved it, too! Admit it!” Lyra said.
“Alright, yes, I did. And it was lucky there was such an easy way home after that awful shipwreck,” Bon Bon said, now smiling. They’d finished picking up Lyra’s things by this point.
“Another universe?” Martin thought. What were they talking about? He’d never heard of any other universe, and he felt pretty confident that nobody else at GEICO headquarters knew about this either. But they seemed pretty sure of themselves, and if there were other universes out there, that might mean other potential customers! He’d still be needed after all! It was surely worth investigating.
“Um...excuse me,” Martin called out. “Lyra, was it? And Bon Bon?” He still stood on the front office desk.
They turned. He’d caught them just as they were about to go out the door.
“Hello?” Lyra said. “Who said that?” He eyes flicked around until she noticed Martin on the desk. “Wait, aren’t you the gecko who sold me my car insurance plan a while back?”
“The very same,” he said. He didn’t personally remember her, having sold plans to a vast number of customers, but he was sure that it would have been him. He wasn’t aware of any other saleslizards in the area. “Now, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but what is this I heard about another universe?”
“Oh, well, there’s another universe where everybody’s a pony. You even turn into a pony when you go there! We went there for a short trip a couple weeks ago during Spring Break,” Lyra said.
“You don’t say?” Martin asked.
“We did! And it was amazing. If I didn’t have so much to do right now with homework and my part-time job and all, I’d go back there again sometime. Maybe this summer…” Lyra mused.
“With me?” Bon Bon asked.
“Of course!” Lyra said.
“So...how would one get to this other universe?” Martin asked.
“Oh, that’s easy! It’s right…” Lyra said, but Bon Bon interrupted.
“Wait, why do you want to know?” she asked, a bit suspicious. He had admittedly sold her a great car insurance plan a few months earlier, but she didn’t really know anything else about him.
“Just curious,” Martin said, and shrugged.
Bon Bon frowned, but she let Lyra continue. “It’s right outside the school!” Lyra said. “Just under the statue! You just have to walk through one of the walls of the podium and you’re there." She thought for a moment, then said, "I could show you if you want."
“Lead the way,” Martin said. “Um...just a second.” He looked down at the ground, trying to judge whether he could jump down or whether he should climb back down - he’d climbed up initially.
“Here!” Lyra said, handing Bon Bon her things. Then she reached out her hand for him to climb on.
“Much obliged,” Martin said, and did, still holding the original copy of Celestia’s contract.
They left the school and Lyra carried Martin over to the statue, Bon Bon following along as well. When they got there, Lyra said, “It’s right here. Just put your hand on the wall and it’ll go right through. Like this.” She did it herself with the hand not carrying Martin, then pulled it back out again.
“Thank you for your help,” Martin said, and bowed. “Now could you please put me down? I’d like to go take a look for myself.” She did.
Bon Bon handed Lyra’s things back to her, and then they left, both looking back and waving but Lyra doing so significantly more energetically. Martin waved back and then turned to the podium. “Here goes nothing,” he thought, and then he closed his eyes and stepped through.
World Domination and What Comes Next
After what Lyra had said about turning into a pony when going to this other universe, he had expected it to happen to him, but when he opened his eyes, he found that he was still as much gecko as he’d ever been. That was fine with him. It must only be humans who turned into ponies...or something along those lines.
He looked around. He seemed to be in some sort of library - there were shelves of books all around - and everything seemed pretty much...normal. At least at first glance, there was nothing to obviously indicate that he was in a world of ponies.
After a moment, he decided to look more closely at some of the books, figuring that they might give him a bit better idea of what kind of place he was in and how best to gain new customers from its inhabitants. So he climbed up a bookshelf and began to examine their spines.
Before long, even without opening any of the books, he had gathered that either this world had magic or the caretaker of this particular library had a thing for nonfiction-styled fantasy books. Given the miraculous nature of his own transport here, and the sheer number of books, he guessed that it was probably the former. He had also gained a basic knowledge of what he believed must be some of the world’s countries, or perhaps regions within one country - places like Ponyville, Manehattan, Saddle Arabia, etc.
Just as he had finally resolved to take one of the magic books out and skim through its contents, he heard footsteps. Climbing back down quickly, he looked in the direction they had come from and saw a purple pony with wings and a horn - perhaps this was what one of the book titles had meant by an “alicorn”?
The pony walked over to a shelf and her horn lit up with a light pinkish-purple aura. A book levitated off the shelf, surrounded by its own aura of the same color, and the pages flipped on their own. Hesitating for a moment, then steeling his resolve, Martin walked over to the pony and cleared his throat.
The pony dropped her book in surprise and looked around to see where the noise came from. “Down here,” Martin said. The pony looked down.
“Um...hello?” she said, a bit confused.
“I’m sorry to intrude,” Martin said. “And I hope I’m not trespassing, but could you possibly tell me where I am? These books certainly seem interesting.”
The pony’s initial expression of confusion was wiped away and replaced with a smile. “You’re in the Library of Friendship!” she said. “Twilight Sparkle, librarian.” She held out a hoof, and Martin pressed his hand onto it in the best shake he could do given the size difference. “And don’t worry - the library is open to the public. You aren’t trespassing! But if you didn’t know that, then...how did you get here?”
“Martin, car insurance saleslizard,” he said. “I work for a company called GEICO in...well, another universe, I guess.”
Now Twilight understood. “Oh, you’re from the human world!” she said. “Well, the world of humans and...other creatures like lizards. Sorry, I don’t mean to offend.”
“No offense taken,” Martin said. After a moment of thought, he said, “Would you by any chance be interested in car insurance? You could save fifteen percent or more by switching to GEICO.” Immediately after saying that, he considered that it might not actually be true here - after all, he didn’t know what their car insurance prices were like. But then he figured that even if it wouldn’t have been true otherwise, the company probably wouldn’t mind if he gave the first customers from a new universe a special introductory deal, so he didn’t correct himself.
“Car insurance?” Twilight said. “Um...I don’t even have a car…” This might be harder than he thought.
“Well, that’s alright,” Martin said. “We have a special plan for you, too. If you’ll commit now to getting GEICO insurance whenever you do get a car in the future, we’ll give you an extra fifteen percent discount whenever that time comes. Limited-time offer only.”
“Um...I don’t really...think I need to do that right now,” Twilight said. “Limited time offer or not, I’m going to have to say ‘no.’ Sorry.”
Martin considered pressing further, but decided to hold off for now. There were surely many, many other potential customers out in the wider world. He could afford to wait to sign Twilight on for now.
“Alright,” he said. “But, by any chance, might you happen to have a spell for making copies of documents? And maybe a bag that’s bigger on the inside than the outside?” He had read enough fantasy to guess that something like that might be a thing here. “I could pay you back for the spell service within a few days. I’d only need to borrow the bag, but I could pay you for that as well.” He had no idea what the conversion rates here would be like, but felt sure that he could work something out.
“Yes, to both. I’ll get you a bag in a minute, but first...” Twilight said. She pulled out a book and flipped the pages, apparently looking for something specific. “Ah, here it is - the document duplication spell. What do you need copied? And don’t worry about payment; I’ll do it for free.” She thought for a moment. “Well, so long as it’s not something evil or anything like that.”
“Just this contract,” Martin said. “But without the signatures, initials, and date.” He handed her Principal Celestia’s GEICO contract.
Twilight unrolled it and quickly scanned each page. “Celestia?” she said. “Is this Principal Celestia’s signature? She signed up for GEICO car insurance?”
“Yes,” Martin said. “In fact, she was the last holdout. Now everybody in my entire world has GEICO car insurance, or at least a commitment to get it whenever they get a car. That’s why I came here.”
“Hmm…” Twilight said, contemplating that fact. “Well...hmm...if Principal Celestia signed up for it, and if it’s true that everyone else in your entire world signed up, then I suppose it must be a good value…”
“Oh, certainly,” Martin said. “The best.”
“If I took that second offer you suggested, the limited-time one about committing to GEICO car insurance ahead of time, would I have to pay anything now?” Twilight asked. “I mean, I doubt I’ll ever actually have a car, but I suppose just in case…”
“Yes…?” Martin said in anticipation. “Oh, I mean, no. No, you wouldn’t have to pay anything now. You’d just need to sign a contract, that’s all. There’s a copy of that one at the back of Celestia’s document - they get printed together - but she didn’t need to sign it since she got the full policy.” Twilight turned to the page in question and examined it.
“And I wouldn’t be committed to any more than a month, and I would get the discount off whatever the normal price would be at the time I got the new policy, correct?” Twilight said, reading the contract.
“Yes, you could drop the policy again after a month, but you would lose the discount and have to pay a cancellation fee. You could avoid the fee by keeping the policy for at least six months before cancelling,” Martin said. "Not that you'd ever want to cancel, of course."
“Well, again, I really don’t think I’m likely to get a car, but I guess if that doesn’t matter…” Twilight said.
“Great!” Martin said. “Um...if you could just make a copy of that contract…”
“Oh. Right,” Twilight said. “Actually, how many copies do you want in all? Ten? A hundred? A thousand?”
“A thousand would be great to start off!” Martin said.
“Well, I’ll have to warn you; I don’t really think you’re going to find many customers here,” Twilight said. “I’m taking that offer because I do visit the human world sometimes, and it’s possible that at some point I could buy a car there, but that’s not really the case for anypony else…”
Martin wasn’t fully paying attention; he was too caught up in thoughts of surprising the folks back at GEICO headquarters with another thousand customers. “That’s great,” he said absentmindedly. Twilight’s horn lit up and she copied the contract, leaving Celestia’s signature and associated handwritten info off the copies.
“Thank you!” Martin said. “Now just sign right here…and initial here...and sign and date here,” he said, pointing to each place in turn as Twilight levitated a quill to do as he asked. “Alright, that’s it!” he said, and took the contract. "If you ever do get a car, I believe you'll be very happy with your GEICO service."
“Thanks…” Twilight said, still a little unsure but not feeling like she’d really made much of a commitment. “Oh, the bag! Just a second.” She left the room for a minute or two and came back with a bag. “I bought a bunch of these at a place in Manehattan when they were on sale and they’ve been just sitting in my closet ever since. You can have one.”
She glanced at the bag, then back at Martin, then back at the bag. Realizing it was rather big for him, she cast a spell on it to shrink it to a more manageable size. The inside would still be just as big as ever.
“Thank you!” Martin said, putting his cell phone in the bag, then rolling up Celestia’s and Twilight’s contracts and putting them in as well. He began to roll up one of the copies, but Twilight stopped him.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” she said. “See, if you have the intention of putting something in the bag, it’ll automatically shrink to accommodate the opening. And it’ll grow back to size after you pull it out.” She levitated the entire stack of copies over to the opening of the bag, where they shrunk and she dropped them in. “See?” She added a few quills as well.
“Wow!” Martin said. “Well, thank you very much for all the help! I’ll talk to GEICO headquarters about whether we could give you an even better discount than the one you signed up for!”
Twilight led Martin to the castle’s exit, with him initially following her on foot and then her offering to let him climb on her back. He did. When they reached the exit, he hopped back down again.
“Good luck!” Twilight said, and he was off.
World Domination and What Comes Next
As he headed away from the castle, Martin looked at the crowd in the street and considered his options. Finally, he decided to start out by simply going up to the first pony he saw and introducing himself. She was a purple pony with a yellow mane and a mark on her flank featuring a cloud partially covering a sun, and she introduced herself as Cloud Kicker.
“Cloud Kicker, eh? Well, how would you like to kick high rates goodbye?” he asked. “Did you know that switching to GEICO could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance?” Immediately after saying that, he facepalmed. Of course she didn’t know. At least with Twilight, he had just told her rather than asking the question.
“Um...what’s a car?” Cloud Kicker asked.
“W...what’s a…what’s a car?” Martin said, taken aback. “Um...it’s a wheeled vehicle. That you drive?”
“You mean a cart?” Cloud Kicker asked, pointing at one down the way that was being pulled by a red pony with a cutie mark like the inside of a green apple. “Or a carriage?”
“Um...no, you don’t pull it. It just...moves on its own?” Martin offered.
“Like a go-kart? Nopony pulls those; their momentum comes from gravity,” Cloud Kicker said.
“No, I don’t think so,” Martin said. “It has an engine, and...”
Cloud Kicker stared at him blankly for a long moment. “I'm sorry, I guess I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said. “But it was nice meeting you. I’ve got to go.” And she started walking away.
“Wait!” he said, but she kept walking.
Sighing, he moved on, next trying a grey pony with slightly crossed eyes. After introducing himself and learning that her name was Derpy Hooves, he said, “Have you ever heard of a car?”
“A car?” Derpy asked. “Um...nope.”
Martin sighed. Now that he thought back on his conversation with Twilight and how she had said car insurance would only be useful if she bought a car in the human world, it seemed likely that cars simply didn’t even exist in this world. He’d have to talk to GEICO headquarters about expanding into insurance for things like carts and carriages if they wanted to make more headway here, but for now he had his work cut out for him. He still wanted to sign as many ponies as possible to the car insurance contracts he already had before the meeting on Friday.
“Hello? Mister?” Derpy said.
“Oh, sorry,” Martin said. He had been lost in thought for a moment. Sighing again, he launched into an improvised spiel about what cars were and why Derpy might want to commit to GEICO car insurance now even though they apparently didn’t exist here. Derpy listened intently, nodding several times throughout and even smiling once or twice. He started feeling a bit better about his prospects again.
“And that’s why you should commit to GEICO car insurance now - you never know when cars might be invented,” he said, finishing up after at least five long minutes of talking. Derpy nodded, and there was a long pause.
“So, what do you say?” Martin asked. “Ready to sign up?” He took a contract and a quill from his bag and held them out.
“Nope,” Derpy said.
“What?” Martin lowered his arms. “But...but you...but…”
“I just don’t think I need that,” Derpy said.
“But...but...are you sure?” Martin asked.
“Yep,” Derpy said. “But thanks, anyway. See ya!” And she left.
Martin stood in silence for a moment, holding the contract and quill and pondering his options. He could give up now, go home, and have a nice Wednesday and Thursday off, showing headquarters Twilight’s contract on Friday and maybe coming back with further instructions after that. Or he could keep on trying to sell car insurance to ponies who didn’t even have cars.
Well, no one could say he wasn’t persistent.
World Domination and What Comes Next
It was Thursday afternoon. Over the last two days, Martin had experienced more failure than he had ever experienced in his entire life up to that point. Potential customer after potential customer after potential customer and every single one of them had turned him down. He’d gone to one pony in the street after another, trying over and over again to sell somepony car insurance, and when that had continued to fail, he’d eventually started to go door-to-door. Some ponies had listened to him for a little while, and others had just slammed the door in his face.
The latter had became even more common as Thursday afternoon had approached, Martin becoming simultaneously more dejected and more obsessed with getting at least one more pony, just one more pony, to sign a contract before he went home. But he was quickly becoming a pariah in Ponyville. He’d slept under a bench on Tuesday and Wednesday night, not having any money for a stay at an inn, and by Thursday most ponies in the street were avoiding him, word having spread of the irritating gecko who kept trying to get everypony to sign up for useless insurance policies.
He had started out with such high hopes, genuinely thinking he could show up at the meeting on Friday with a thousand new customers, or even just a few hundred, and now it looked like he’d only have one. Well, two if you counted Celestia, but still… It seemed that he had grossly overestimated the demand for car insurance in this world.
He was finally close to giving up and going home when he decided to try just one more thing first. Upon running into Lyra and Bon Bon on Wednesday, he had discovered that this world seemingly had pony counterparts to all of the humans back in his own world. That meeting had been rather awkward - he’d heard the names “Lyra” and “Bon Bon” spoken, and naturally he'd assumed that they had come for a visit to the pony world after all. But when he went over to ask if they might have any advice for him, having had a bit more experience here than he had, he discovered that they had no idea who he even was. Nevertheless, after that, he’d asked another pony on the street if they happened to know anyone named Celestia and learned that she was, in fact, the ruler of the entire country.
That knowledge in mind, he now guessed that Twilight’s respect wasn’t necessarily for Principal Celestia directly, but rather for Princess Celestia. Twilight may have simply assumed that Princess Celestia’s human counterpart would have similarly good judgment. And maybe, just maybe, Princess Celestia herself would feel the same way if he went to her and showed her Principal Celestia’s contract. Signing the pony version of the last holdout from the human world to a policy commitment, and having her as one of the first policyholders of the pony world, would surely be an accomplishment. And not only that, but if she signed up for a policy, her approval would surely have weight for everypony in the country. (Though admittedly nopony other than Twilight had seemed to care about Principal Celestia’s signature, so that wasn’t entirely clear.)
Upon seeing a few unicorns teleporting around town, Martin had learned that teleportation existed in this world, so he returned to Twilight in the hope that she could send him directly to Canterlot Castle. She had already done a lot for him, but he hoped she wouldn’t mind doing just one more thing.
“Any luck?” Twilight asked as he entered the castle library. He was a little surprised that she had seen him without him having to draw any attention to himself, but he continued walking in.
“Unfortunately, no,” Martin said, his tone weary.
“Well, I did warn you,” Twilight said. “I don’t think anypony here has any need for car insurance.”
“Even Princess Celestia?” Martin asked, not remembering any warning but deciding not to question it.
“What? No, I don’t really see why she would need it…” Twilight said.
Martin hesitated a moment, then asked sadly, “Could you send me to her castle, anyway? I need this.”
“Send you there? Oh, you mean you want me to teleport you there? I guess…” Twilight said, starting to think helping this gecko so much might have been a mistake but not wanting to turn down a creature as seemingly depressed as he was becoming. “If you’re sure. But don’t get your hopes up.”
“Alright,” Martin said. “And could you bring me back afterward, too?”
“I suppose,” Twilight said, and she teleported him away with no further discussion or warning.
World Domination and What Comes Next
In no time at all, Martin found himself on the steps of another castle, one even larger than the Castle of Friendship. He climbed the steps and found the doors closed and blocked by two armored guards, stallions, who flanked either side of the entrance. Clearing his throat, he hoped they wouldn’t have heard anything bad about him yet.
The guards looked down and one of them squinted at him. “Are you that gecko from Ponyville who keeps trying to sell everypony ‘car’ insurance?” he asked. Well, there went that hope.
“Oh, yeah, that guy. Like what even is a ‘car’?” the other guard said. They both broke into fits of laughter. “A ‘car’!” the second guard shouted again, and then kept laughing with his friend.
Martin cleared his throat again and they stopped laughing. “Um...well, yes, that’s probably me,” he said. “I’m here to see Princess Celestia. Would it be possible to get an audience with her?”
“For you?” the first guard said. “Why? Are you going to try to sell her ‘car’ insurance?” And they both broke into laughter again.
“Twilight Sparkle sent me here!” he yelled, hoping her name might mean something to them. She did live in a castle, too, after all. He had never asked, but perhaps she was also a princess. Now that he thought about it, he wondered why Princess Celestia was a princess and not a queen...but it didn’t really matter.
The guards stopped laughing again. “Twilight? Really?” One of them said skeptically. They looked at each other and then started whispering in tones too soft to make out. A moment later, the door opened from the inside and a tall black pony with a horn and a flowing blue mane poked her head through the door.
“What’s this commotion out here? Did somepony tell a joke?” she said, her tone rather hopeful, as if she hoped somepony might tell her the joke, too.
The guards stood to attention. “Oh, no, Princess Luna. Sorry to bother you,” one said. “It’s just this gecko right here. He’s the one who’s been trying to sell everypony ‘car’ insurance.” The other guard snickered.
“Would you like to buy some?” Martin said, then looked toward each of the three ponies in turn. He was half-joking now, but at this point he felt like he didn’t have much to lose. Was that a smile on Luna’s face? She’d raised a hoof to her mouth. “You...you could save fifteen percent or more by switching to GEICO.” Okay, now he was sure Luna was snickering, but if that was what would get him in to see Celestia, then so be it.
“He is funny,” she said. “Let him in. He won’t do any harm.”
Not entirely happy about that response, though it was what he’d been going for under the circumstances, Martin followed Luna into the castle. As they walked, she asked him where he came from and how he came to be selling car insurance in Equestria, and he explained his situation. He didn’t quite like that she found him funny, but she seemed friendly enough. Soon they reached the throne room, where a pony who Martin assumed must be Celestia was in fact sitting on a throne.
“Sister, meet Martin,” Luna said. “He’s here to...well, I’ll let him tell you himself.” She smiled, but at least she wasn’t snickering anymore. She took her own seat on a throne next to Celestia’s.
“A pleasure to meet you, Martin,” Celestia said. Martin bowed. “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” He straightened back up.
“The pleasure is mine,” he said, then he hesitated, trying to decide how best to start his spiel in this situation.
“I suppose you’re here to sell me car insurance,” Celestia said.
“Um...well, yes,” Martin said. “That’s what I was hoping for…”
“And you do realize I don’t have a car?” Celestia said.
“Yes, but I can sign you up for a commitment with us now and you’ll get an extra fifteen percent discount if you ever… Wait, you know what a car is?” Martin asked.
“Yes, I know what a car is. It’s a type of self-propelled vehicle from the human world,” Celestia said.
“Okay, good,” Martin said. “I’ve explained that so many times over the last couple days…”
“I can imagine,” Celestia said.
“I’ve just been trying so hard. I mean, I’ve...I’ve just never had this much trouble back in the human world. People know what cars are, they have cars or plan to get them, they see a gecko selling insurance, and they snap it up,” Martin said. He sighed. “I suppose you don’t want it, either.”
“I...don’t,” Celestia said slowly, feeling a bit sorry for him but also feeling that it was best to be honest and upfront.
“Wait, don't make up your mind yet!" Martin said, desperately pulling out Principal Celestia's contract and holding it up. "Look, Principal Celestia took out a policy with us."
Princess Celestia took the contract in her magic and levitated it up to her face. “I see that,” she said.
“And I thought that maybe if you saw that she did, you might be interested, too?” Martin said, now feeling like this might have been too much of a leap of logic. “It worked for Twilight, so…”
“Twilight signed a contract with you?” Celestia asked.
“Yes,” Martin said. “She wasn’t sure about it at first, but when I showed her that Principal Celestia did, she changed her mind.”
Celestia rolled up the contract and levitated it back to Martin. “I’m sorry, but I am not Twilight. And I am not Principal Celestia, either. She is her own pony...uh..human.”
“And her decision doesn’t mean anything to you?” Martin asked.
“She has a car, does she not?” Celestia asked.
“Yes…” Martin said. “But you can just sign a commitment that if you ever…oh, forget it.” He put Principal Celestia’s contract back in his bag. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”
He turned to leave and began walking away. “It was nice meeting you!” Luna called after him.
“I wish you luck in your future endeavors,” Celestia called. Martin didn’t turn around.
Remembering the route Luna had taken to lead him to the throne room, Martin retraced those steps in reverse and soon reached the exit. The guards were still there, and they chuckled once again as he left.
“How’d it go?” one asked. Martin didn’t answer, simply climbing back down the steps. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t know how Twilight was supposed to know when to bring him back. Unsure what else to do, he sat in silent dejection at the bottom of the stairs, his head in his hands until Twilight finally appeared a few hours later.
World Domination and What Comes Next
“Thank you again for your help,” Martin said, back in the library with Twilight. “And your contract.” Even though the rest of his trip had been a waste of time, he was still sincerely happy to have met her.
“You’re welcome,” Twilight said. “I hope things go well with your meeting tomorrow.” He’d adamantly explained that he was leaving not because of his failure, but because he had an important meeting, though he wasn’t sure if she believed him.
“Goodbye!” he said. He waved, then went back through the portal.
The next day, he left his house an hour before the meeting and hailed a taxi to take him to GEICO headquarters. He was too short to drive a normal car on his own, and while he'd been able to get a custom-made phone, there were no custom-made cars for his size. After paying the fare, he entered the building, waving to the receptionist and the security guard. Then he went to the elevator and climbed up the wall to hit the “up” button. Staying on the wall, he climbed around it and into the elevator when it arrived, pressing the button for the tenth floor and only then climbing down to the floor of the elevator. He had the bag from Twilight with him, which he thought would be sufficient evidence of his story if necessary.
He reached the boardroom with two minutes to spare, climbing up the table and greeting the Board members, who had summoned him for the meeting in the first place. They were all human.
A minute passed. “Well, if we’re all here, I think we can go ahead and start,” said Bill Roberts, the CEO of GEICO. “We are gathered here today to commend the excellent work of Mr. Martin Gecko in helping the GEICO corporation to reach the heights at which it now stands. Mr. Buffett, would you like to do the honors?”
Warren Buffett, a billionaire and also a member of GEICO’s Board of Directors, took out a small black velvet box, not unlike that which might contain an engagement ring for a marriage proposal.
“Mr. Gecko, I’d like to…” Mr Buffett said.
“Oh, um...I’m flattered, but I’m...I’m sorry, no,” Martin said.
“What?” Mr. Buffett said.
“I...the box…” Martin said, and realized he was embarrassing himself. “Sorry, never mind. A misunderstanding. Please go on."
Mr. Buffett looked at Mr. Roberts, who shrugged. Mr. Buffett started over. “Mr. Gecko, I’d like to present you with this Medal of Commendation for your service to this company.” He opened the box to reveal a small gecko-sized medal.
“Thank you!” Martin said. He took the medal, turning it around in his hand and looking at it with a smile.
“That’s not our only news,” Mr. Roberts said. “Now that we’ve managed to hook every person in the entire world with GEICO car insurance, we thought you might…” Martin’s smile fell. This was it. He was about to be fired. The medal was nothing but a consolation prize.
“Wait!” he said. “I have news to share first!”
“What’s that?” Mr. Roberts asked.
“Well,” Martin said. “While it may be true that we’ve hooked every person in this world with GEICO car insurance, what if I told you that there was a whole ‘nother world out there?” Muted chatter broke out among the others at the table.
“Another world?” Mr. Roberts said. “Really? ”
“I know it sounds crazy, but look!” Martin said. He opened the bag and dumped out the stack of papers, which should have been much too big to fit. Mr. Buffett jumped back in surprise.
“Most of these are blank,” Martin admitted. “But…” He picked up the two signed contracts. “First, here’s Celestia’s contract, which you already knew about.” He handed it to Mr. Roberts, who unrolled it and nodded to himself.
“And this one…” Martin paused for suspense. “Is for the pony Twilight Sparkle!” He unrolled it himself and turned in a circle around the table, showing it to everybody who was present.
“A...pony?” Mr. Roberts said, taking the contract from Martin with a frown. “That’s not a hoofprint.”
“It’s not,” Martin said. “Because these ponies aren’t just ordinary ponies. They can write, and they can read, and they can do pretty much everything that we can. And they have magic! That’s how I got this bag.” More chatter broke out among those seated at the table.
A long pause. “But...they don’t have cars,” Martin admitted. That seemed important to mention, but he decided there was no need to bring up his failures.
“Well, maybe we’ll have to change that,” Mr. Roberts said quietly, almost to himself. Then, louder, “Mr. Gecko, I trust you. If you say there’s another world out there, a world of ponies who act like humans and have magic, I believe you. That bag is certainly unexplainable by any means that I know of.” He paused. “And even in a world without cars, you still managed to get someone to sign a commitment to buy car insurance.” Martin hesitated, but nodded. “As of today, I hereby appoint you official sales liason for car insurance in…what was this world called?”
“Equestria,” Martin said.
“Official sales liason for car insurance in Equestria,” Mr. Roberts said. “In the coming days, we’ll decide on plans for expanding into Equestria. If they don’t have cars -”
“They do have carts and carriages,” Martin interjected.
“If they don’t have cars,” Mr. Roberts continued. “Then we’ll figure out something else. Whether by expanding coverage to carts and carriages or by partnering with an auto company to bring cars to this world, we shall make Equestria see the value of GEICO insurance, and we. Will. Double. Our customer base!” He shouted the last parts of his statement in short bits, punctuated by shakes of his fist and tiny pauses for dramatic effect, and the whole table cheered. “Go ahead and go home, Martin. I want you bright and early here tomorrow.”
Martin put the blank contracts back into his bag and the table gasped, still not used to seeing magic in action. “What else did you want to tell me?” He asked. “Before I told you about Equestria?”
“Oh, that’s not important,” Mr. Roberts said. “What’s important now is selling car insurance to Equestria!” Martin smiled, sure that he’d avoided unemployment, and climbed down from the table. He realized then that he'd forgotten to ask if they could give Twilight an extra special discount as thanks for her help, but he figured he could always ask tomorrow.
As he headed toward the door, he heard Mr. Buffett whisper to Mr. Roberts, “I thought you were going to offer him a position on the Board.”
“Not now,” Mr. Roberts whispered back. “He’s our #1 saleslizard. We need him on this.”
Martin facepalmed as he walked out the door.
The End
