Chapters Chapter 1 - It's a pegasus!
A unicorn with a glossy pink coat and emerald eyes was lying in a room in the Manehattan hospital, waiting to give birth. Her mane was a shiny sea blue and was as silky smooth as her coat. It was Cozy Brocade, wife of influential businesspony and part-time actor Shining Facade. She looked around the room she was in. Nearly everything was a milky white, with the walls and the curtain over her bed being a nice shade of turquoise. Her bed was a nice shade of blue and, while not as comfortable as the king-sized bed she and Facade sleep in, it was still an improvement over the bed she used to sleep in when she was a little filly. Because of the absence of her husband, she worried that he might not have gotten her message that the baby's coming. A sharp pain shot through her nether regions, something that the anxiety and frustration with the lack of her husband's presence weren't helping. She wouldn't have been surprised if Facade had gone out drinking with his buddies again. That's exactly what he did on her birthday last year.
"Where are you?" Brocade said under her breath.
Somewhere in a surprisingly well-kept bar within Manehattan was a dark blue unicorn with a slicked-back matte-black mane and the best sunglasses bits can buy playing poker with four other ponies. His poker buddies included another unicorn that had a light grey coat and a brown mane, moustache and tail, an Earth pony with a cream coloured coat wearing a blue fedora, another Earth pony with a bright blue mane and a pitch-black coat, and another Earth pony, this one being more rotund than everypony else, that had an orange coat, a curly blue mane, and a big purple top hat. They were sat at a dark brown round table made out of wood. While the entirety of the bar smelled like tobacco and cheap booze, their table was ripe with the stench, with a hint of burnt hayburgers too. The sunglassed unicorn smirked as he looked at his cards.
"Read 'em and weep, fellas!" the sunglassed unicorn said as he slammed the cards down onto the table for all his friends to see. He smiled as some of his buddies groaned and the others cursed under their breath. However, his relishing in the winnings he just obtained were about to be cut short when a note appeared out of thin air. Curious, he looked at the note. While the writing was practically scribbled on, he knew what the words were:
"GET YOUR FLANK IN THE HOSPITAL NOW! THE BABY'S COMING!"
Facade looked at the note in annoyance. Why that mare he called a wife decided to have the baby, he will never know. While he is never the regretting type, there is a small part of him that wished he just slipped the mare a mickey so he can have his fun with her without her being conscious enough to know it was him. Then again, that would have led to a scandal that would have wrecked a reputation he had spent years perfecting. Plus, he liked to rub it in the faces of his colleagues that he could seduce any mare he pleases without resorting to the easy route.
"Gotta go," Facade said, his jovial tone almost hiding his annoyance "My wife's delivering the baby and, being the good husband that I am, I have no choice but to accompany her."
"Don't worry about it," the moustached pony said, "I've had two daughters myself and let me tell ya, I've never been happier."
The two had a laugh, with Facade turning away and his face changing to a neutral expression as he made his way out of the bar. He never wanted a foal in the first place, why would it make him happier? If anything, it's going to make him more miserable because he would now have to spend money on things like nappies and toys and other stuff that could have been spent on far more pleasurable pursuits. Oh well, he could always pinch some of his friends' bank details, provided he'd even bother remembering their names. Besides, having a baby is good for PR. Outside of the bar, Facade raised his hoof in the air.
"Taxi!" he shouted.
Half an hour had passed and Facade had not shown up to see the big event. While the nine months leading up to this moment was an absolute nightmare for Brocade, and her private area burning like the sulfur pits of Tartarus itself, Brocade knew that all the pain and suffering would have been worth the wait. Maybe Facade might actually spend more time with her now that she is providing an heir to his massive fortune. Maybe he would spend less time at the bar or at the gentlestallions club and more time with their little foal. She knew Facade wasn't happy about being a father at first. She ought to know, she still had a bruise near the side of her head. But she remained hopeful that Facade would love their daughter the same way she loved him. After all, why else would a rich and handsome stallion like him be married to a mess of a mare like her? After what felt like ages, Facade finally entered the room with a doctor right in front of him. He looked bored, as if he didn't want to be here. But Brocade knew that would fade away the moment he saw their daughter. Brocade screamed as she felt another shooting pain, this one being more painful than the last. She knew it was time for the baby to come out.
"Push!" said the doctor.
As agonizing as it was, Brocade pushed the baby out with all of her might. It felt like her insides were being torn out but she was willing to see this through to the bitter end. Well, bittersweet end since she was bringing life into this world. After one final push, she felt a release. The doctor picked up the baby as it wailed in his hooves.
"Congratulations," the doctor said, "It's a filly."
Exhaustion and relief overtook Brocade. She was so happy, she had a massive grin on her face in spite of all the heavy panting, as if she had just run a marathon. She almost felt like crying tears of joy. All that hard work finally paid off. She looked at her husband, hoping to see the same sense of joy on his face as well. But instead, there was a cold indifference. The doctor moved the baby towards Facade.
"Would you like to hold the baby?" the doctor asked Facade.
Facade looked at the doctor holding his baby then looked at his wife, who was nodding as if to say "go ahead". Facade shrugged as he lifted the baby filly from the doctor's hooves with his magic. He didn't see a horn anywhere on the filly. He levitated the filly around, hoping to find a horn somewhere on its body. While the thought of looking after a deformity annoyed him, he couldn't deny that would win sympathy with potential clients and customers. Finally, he found two small bulges on the back of the baby. They looked like wings. Brocade felt a sense of dread when Facade looked back at her. While most ponies wouldn't notice it, Brocade can tell that Facade's expression has changed. Rather than the bored expression he had earlier, this one was a look of tranquil rage.
Author's Note
Ladies and gentlemen, meet Shining Facade, AKA Cozy Glow's sociopathic dad and one part of the reason she will be the way she is in the show. One part Patrick Bateman, the other parts Klaus Kinski and O.J Simpson. I don't know if other fanfics that dealt with Cozy's early childhood had given Cozy's parents characterization beyond them being Cozy's parents (or in some cases, the dad being abusive). Sure, Facade is abusive but there's more to him than that. Well, nothing too deep since, again, he is a sociopath, but given his social status, it can be easy to see a stepping stone to Cozy's view on friendship being power.
As for Cozy Brocade (Cozy Glow's mother), I'll promise to give her characterization in the oncoming chapters. However, you guys will have to wait a while because...well...can't really say.
"Whose one is it?"
Facade telekinetically threw an empty wine bottle at his wife, who was frozen in terror of her husband. The smash of the bottle reverberated through the house, which did not ease Brocade's terror in the slightest. While he hasn't gotten to the point of screaming at her yet, she could tell her husband was furious with her. And worst of all, he thinks she had an affair with somepony else. Brocade hid her face as she tried to not look at her enraged husband in the eye, afraid that he might hit her. Whether it would be with his magic or with his hooves, she knew that he was going to hit her. The only movements she can make were to flinch away from him, hoping to be away from a physical striking distance should Facade use his hooves.
"Can you keep it down?" Brocade asked meekly "You're going to wake up Cozy Glow."
"Whose one is it?" Facade asked again, his voice being nothing but cold fury.
"It's ours!" Brocade replied as quickly as she could, flinching as she did so. But Facade didn't believe her. Facade lifted Brocade up with his magic and threw her into the leather sofa. While such a thing was expensive, he was too angry to care. And even if the wife did damage it, he could always get a new one.
"Liar!" Facade shouted.
"It's the truth!" Brocade replied, "You know I would always be faithful to you!"
"Why should I believe you?" Facade asked coldly.
"Because I love you! You know I would never cheat on you with another stallion!"
"Then perhaps you could explain to me why it's a bucking pegasus!"
Facade lifted Brocade up again and pinned her to the wall. Brocade felt a tight grip around her neck, as if Facade was deliberately using his magic to choke her.
"I..." Brocade tried to get out "I...h...have...a...cousin..."
Facade threw Brocade down onto the floor. Brocade coughed and spluttered as she slowly got up. She was shaking in terror, worried what Facade was going to do next if she didn't calm him down.
"I have this cousin," Brocade explained "Four times removed. Or was it fifth? Anyway, she was a pegasus. Worked in the weather department in Cloudsdale."
Facade couldn't believe what he was hearing. All this time, this useless quim of a wife had pegasus blood in her this entire time and he didn't tell him about it. And here he was hoping to have another unicorn to pass his wisdom on and to inherit the mass fortune he amassed. Not that he really cared about having an heir but at least it would have made the family name last longer as well as provide some good PR. The only good thing he could think of besides the PR is that he won't have to pay for Magic Kindergarten. He lifted her up, pinned her against the wall again, and delivered a right hook to Brocade's eye.
"I told you to get that abortion!" Facade shouted "But did you listen? No! Because you're bucking selfish!"
Facade lifted Brocade up again, this time with his hooves, and delivered a painful blow to her abdomen. The brute force of the blow was enough to cause Brocade to vomit onto the floor. Facade used his magic to get a towel from the kitchen and threw it at Brocade's hooves.
"Clean that up," Facade said coldly.
Facade trotted towards a wooden cabinet filled with all sorts of drinks and picked out a whiskey. He drank the whiskey as he trotted up the stairs. When he was gone, his bruised and battered wife began quietly crying to herself. Tears dripped from her face as they mixed in with the puddle of vomit in front of her. She felt weak. Useless. If she can't protect herself against Facade's wrath, how in Tartarus is she suppose to look after a baby filly that her husband doesn't give two horseapples about.
Cozy Glow was in her room, her throat sore from all the screaming and crying she had been doing. She still had it in her to scream some more. The loud banging and the incomprehensible yelling made it difficult for her to get back to sleep. She was worried that something bad might have happened. She worried that there was a big bad monster waiting to get her. But she didn't know what those things were, which made it all the more frightening for her. The door creaked open. And when it did, her crying went a bit quieter. A mare with a ruffled mane and tail and bruises all over her body trotted towards Cozy Glow. While she looked different, Cozy could recognize the mare as her mother. She can tell by the jaded eyes. Brocade lifted Cozy up with her magic and held her in her hooves.
"Shh, it's okay," Brocade said, "It's okay."
Brocade felt a sense of relief knowing Facade hadn't strangled Cozy in a drunken rage.
"Everything's going to be just fine," Brocade said, trying to comfort the young filly.
Needing somepony to comfort her, and knowing Facade won't do it considering the bad mood he was in, Brocade took Cozy to bed with her. She saw Facade passed out drunk and sprawled out in the middle of the bed, empty whiskey bottle in hoof. Gently placing Cozy on the floor, Brocade used her magic to carefully move Facade over to the side of the bed to make room for her and Cozy. Brocade tucked herself and Cozy into the bed, before curling herself around Cozy for protection. While Cozy fell asleep within a minute, Brocade's eyes were wide open. She couldn't sleep, afraid that Facade might harm her in front of Cozy. Or worse, kill the both of them in her sleep. Her grip on Cozy tightened slightly, but not enough to cause the sleeping filly discomfort. While she was scared out of her wits, at least she had one thing that can keep her warm in the nights.
Her little Cozy Glow.
Author's Note
Surprise! I updated it a day early! Mainly because, while I love the irony of updating something like this on Valentine's Day, people would probably think I'm an insensitive dickhead (though they're not wrong if they did think that) if I did something like that.
But don't worry because I got an announcement that is somewhat Valentine's related that I will make a blog post about.
If you feel like reading something more wuvey-dovey, feel free to read this story I wrote for Fluttercord Week:
ESpike's totally not creepy obsession with Fluttercord
How does Spike know Discord has a tea party with Fluttershy every weekend? It's not like he stalks them or anything. #FluttercordWeek
Leondude ·
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It was another night-shift in The Cantering Cook. It was certainly a fine restaurant, with round tables draped in white covers and even a few lit candles placed on some of them. It was the kind of place one would expect from a romance novel, where the stallions wear their finest tuxedos and the mares wear silky-smooth dresses. While waitressing is not what Brocade would want to do in life, she considered this to be way much better than a part-time job in some hayburger chain restaurant. She held up a bottle of chardo-neigh and a silver platter with two bowls of salad on top as she trotted towards two stallions sitting at one of the tables. While the two stallions bore a heavy resemblance to one another, there were some very noticeable differences between their appearances. One was a dark blue with a black mane and tail and a pair of sunglasses to match, while the other was a light blue with a chestnut brown mane and tail. One had two masks, a comedy mask and a tragedy mask, for a cutie mark while the other had what appeared to be a smile and two crosses above it for a cutie mark. They looked at her and smiled as she lowered the bottle and their salads onto the table. She trotted back near the kitchen, waiting to deliver the next order. Time had past and the sunglassed stallion stood next to her, his sudden appearance startling Brocade.
"I know you're busy right now but when you're available, maybe we can have a drink some time," the stallion said.
Brocade was at a loss for words. Nopony had ever asked her out before, mainly due to the fact that she was a nerd in her youth and she used to wear braces. She was very self-conscious about her image so she was surprised that a stallion she just met would find her attractive enough to ask her out. Maybe the glossy, but expensive, shampoo and other beauty enhancing cosmetics worked after all.
"Uh..." Brocade stammered out "Sure."
"Good," the stallion said "So, where would you like to meet up? I know a great place downtown that makes the best cider bits can buy."
While Brocade could have suggested the restaurant they were currently in, she felt like it would have been a case of pooing where you eat. Plus, she was curious about the place the stallion suggested.
"Sounds nice," Brocade replied.
"Great," the stallion said, "What time do you get off?"
"Huh?"
"What time do you stop working?"
"Ten O'Clock."
"Perfect. Here's the place, meet me at ten and wear something nice."
The stallion handed Brocade a picture of a bar in Manehatten and trotted back to his table with his acquaintance. To Brocade, the whole thing felt surreal. She never imagined going on a date with somepony. Maybe she had just found her Prince Charming.
Brocade and the stallion, who had introduced himself as Shining Facade, sat at a table in the bar Facade had suggested. It smelt like a mix of cigar smoke and urine but the seats were comfortable enough. And Facade was right about the cider, it really was the best cider bits can buy. According to Facade, they were made by the Apple family, who had quite the reputation for their apple products and for growing the juiciest apples a pony can get. The two ponies laughed as Facade broke the ice with some jokes and anecdotes. Then Facade asked Brocade something she didn't expect anypony to be interested.
"So, what made you come to Manehatten?"
"Uh...well," Brocade said, "I came here because I want to be in the fashion business."
"Really?"
"Well, that and I also want to write a novel."
"What kind of novel?"
"I can't decide whether to do a crime novel or a romance novel."
"Why not both? I hear crime and passion go hoof in hoof."
Both Brocade and Facade shared a laugh then sighed.
"What about you?" Brocade asked, "What made you come to Manehatten?"
"What do you mean?" Facade asked, "I've always lived here."
"Are you sure? You don't have the accent."
Facade chuckled.
"Alright, you got me. I think I came from Ponyville or someplace like that, somewhere that is small and not very exciting."
"I came from Ponyville too!" Brocade said excitedly.
"I wouldn't say I am from Ponyville. Just a place like it."
"How do you not know where you came from?" Brocade asking while giggling.
"Well now, it was boring," Facade replied, "The only times it wasn't boring was when I was pulling pranks on ponies."
"Ooh, you were a troublemaker."
"I guess you could say that. I had gotten into my fair share of fights. One of them managed to get a particularly nasty hit to my head as a foal."
Brocade gasped in shock.
"You poor thing!"
"Meh, it wasn't that bad. But hey, enough about me. What about you? How was your foalhood?"
"Like yours, it was mostly uneventful. I had nice parents but I was always ignored in school."
"Lucky you. My parents always shouted at me whenever I've done something wrong. Took me a long time to realize that, if I were to benefit from a normal life, I had to wear a mask. Unless your parents shouted at you too."
"Nope. The only times they raised their voice at me was to tell me supper's ready. What do you mean by 'wearing a mask'?"
"You know, pretend to be normal. Like you, I didn't fit in myself. I was a recluse, you see. So I pretended to be more sociable to get ponies to like me. And now I've got friends in all sorts of places. Anyway, what about you? Surely you've made some friends after school."
Brocade chuckled nervously.
"About that...I thought the same thing but even when I moved here, I didn't have a lot of friends."
"Well, Miss Brocade..."
Facade placed his hoof on Brocade's hoof.
"You've got one now."
The time Brocade and Facade spent with one another felt like the tales of romance Brocade used to read. The ones where a plain, ordinary mare meets a stallion that is tall, handsome and dangerous. A beast that simply needs her gentle touch to regain his ponyanity, if such a thing exists. Unfortunately for Brocade, she found out later on that the tale of her, Facade and Cozy Glow is going to be something way different than she could have possibly imagined.
Author's Note
Is "ponyanity" a term? What's the pony equivalent of humanity?
Anyway, felt like dedicating a chapter to Cozy Brocade and how she and Shining Facade met.
Chapter 4 - Three Years Later
Brocade sat in her study in the basement. She sat at a wooden desk with a quill and a blank parchment in front of her, illuminated by the lamp on her desk. She had an idea in her head, a new chapter for the novel she was working on. However, she had no idea how to expand on that idea, how to structure the chapter. She breathed in and, hoping for the best, lifted her quill up with her magic and put her writing skills to work. The words went through her head and onto the parchment, her horn and quill acting as a conduit. Soon enough, her husband came down into her study. Her left cheek, two of her right ribs and both of her hindlegs ached as Facade made his presence known, a result of the beating she received two days ago. He tried to kill Cozy Glow over her screaming during his own attempts at sleeping so she was worried if Facade was still mad about that. After all, it's neither Cozy Glow nor Brocade's fault that Cozy Glow suffers from night terrors. But luckily for Brocade, Facade's tone of voice when he spoke washed away any fears of that being the case.
"Working on that novel, honey?" Facade asked.
"Yes indeedy," Brocade replied happily "I'm currently on the third chapter."
"Heh, third chapter already. And here I am thinking you had been suffering writer's block for the past couple of years. What's it about?"
"Remember when I told you I couldn't decide whether to make it a crime novel or a romance novel."
"Of course," Facade lied "It was last week, wasn't it?"
"Actually, it was on our first date."
"That's what I meant. I was reminiscing about our first date last week."
Brocade frowned at Facade, his smile never disappearing despite her knowing he was lying. If she had learnt one thing about Shining Facade these past three years, it was that Facade was a terrible liar. Both in the sense that ponies can see through most of his lies as well as the fact that he does it on a regular basis. But one thing she believed to be true was his love for her, even though she thought of it as very tough love. Why else would he stick around with somepony like her when he could have any mare he wanted?
"Anyway," Brocade said "I decided to go with a crime story. But it has heart to it. You see, it's about this stallion who works for the mob and, one day, he finds an abandoned baby filly in the middle of nowhere and decides to take her in. However, when his boss finds out about it, he wants the stallion to kill the baby. As one could guess, he isn't going to do that so he hides the baby away, pretends he did the deed to keep up his tough-guy image while visiting the baby behind the rest of the mob's back."
Facade stared coldly at Brocade, then chuckled, which quickly turned into full-on laughter.
"Dearie, I love you," Facade said "But nopony wants to read about some softie trying to protect a baby when he could have easily done what his bosses told him to do."
"But it's got action in it, with a shootout between the stallion and one of the mob boss' men."
"Yeah, but nopony's gonna be interested. What they want to see is a rise to power story, you know. Like how some little nopony eventually rose to the top of the ranks in the criminal underworld. And I'm not talking some abused orphan or anything like that. I'm talking about some guy who was already bad to begin with and now wants more power."
"But why would audiences invest in a character like that?"
"To Tartarus with investment! Everypony loves the bad guy."
"I beg to differ. My grandma used to tell me stories about this ancient evil named Discord, who ruled Equestria in a state of unhappiness until the two sisters stopped him and turned him to stone. I was scared out of my wits that such an evil and powerful creature could exist."
"Ever heard of the phrase 'love to hate'? Just write a story about a grunt's rise to power."
"But I'm three chapters in!"
"Then scrap it."
"Do you have any idea how hard the writing process is?!"
"Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to sell stuff?!"
"Oh, please! You're the most charismatic stallion I know, as well as a compulsive liar! Or are you afraid you might get arrested for false advertising?"
"It's not false advertising! I just spruce the truth up a little!"
Before Brocade could retort, she saw Cozy Glow sitting right next to her and Facade. The light of the desk lamp illuminated the curious and sorrowful look on Cozy's face.
"Mommy? Daddy?" Cozy Glow asked, "Are you two fighting over me again?"
Brocade trotted over to Cozy Glow and embraced her.
"No. Nonononono, it's nothing like that, Glowie," Brocade said, "Your dad and I were just discussing the story I'm writing."
"The one you read me at bedtime?"
"Yes, that's the one."
Brocade looked to Facade, who wore a cold, blank expression on his face.
"See, honey?" Brocade said to Facade "She thinks the story is good."
Facade continued staring at them with that emotionless look of this, then he cracked a smile.
"Well, who am I to argue when it's two against one?" Facade said before chuckling "Tell you what, let's make it a bet. If I publish the book when you're done and it sells well, I'll talk with Fancy Pants about giving you that modelling job you always wanted. Maybe even have Cozy Glow join in for some foalswear."
Facade leaned in towards Cozy Glow. Cozy felt uncomfortable since, while Facade didn't lose the smile, she got a crystal clear view of the empty soulless eyes hidden behind Facade's sunglasses.
"But if you don't win the bet," Facade said, not losing that jovial tone of his "I'll hand Cozy Glow to some friends of mine, where they'll take real good care of her."
"What do you mean?" Brocade tilted her head.
"Oh, I'm not talking about my drinking buddies," Facade said coldly "No, I'm talking about some friends in places that are...less than foal-friendly."
Brocade and Cozy Glow looked at Facade. While Cozy Glow was confused by what her dad meant, Brocade knew full well what Facade meant, especially since he once showed her photos of his younger years as a bouncer at L'Harmoneigh. An ironically named night club due to it having a reputation for drug-fuelled fights and crooked customers. She ought to know, Facade once took her there for their third date. Without warning, Facade grabbed Cozy Glow in a headlock and gave her a noogie.
"But at least you get to be a movie star like your dear old dad if that happens, right, Cozy?" Facade said.
Both Cozy Glow and Brocade giggled in a confused manner. While it was easy for Brocade to tell when her husband was lying, courtesy of the frequency he does it, but she always had difficulty knowing when he was joking or not. Facade released Cozy Glow from the headlock.
"Well, I better get going," Facade said, "Hope to see you mares later."
Author's Note
Fact of life, ladies and gentlemen: Writing is a very difficult process. Sometimes, it pays off. Other times...not so much.
Also, this is probably going to be the only time I imply what Cozy's age is. I don't know how long time goes between events of the series so I will be keeping Cozy's age ambiguous when the story starts taking place during events that happened in the show, like Discord being freed from his imprisonment the first time around (oops, spoilers
Chapter 5 - Facade's morning ritual
Shining Facade woke up in his king-sized bed, his head pounding from clubbing, both dancing in the club and picking fights with the more rowdy patrons, from the night before. While the bed was still as comfortable and as silky smooth as always, it smelt like a mix of urine, bourbon, and cheap cologne.
Meh, it's not like she would mind Facade thought to himself I'm sure the little brat she likes made more of a mess than I did.
Facade got up off the bed and stretched his legs. While trotting to the bathroom would prove to be a challenge, he had dealt with worse hangovers. After some trial-and-error, he had managed to drag himself to the toilet, sat down, and did his business. In spite of his fondness for alcohol and other drugs, Facade had always believed in taking care of himself. It was why he never had a lasting relationship with any mare in his life up until Cozy Brocade. Not that Facade would blame Brocade for sticking around because he is the most handsome and most successful stallion Equestria had ever seen while Brocade, despite her unwavering beauty, is a neurotic mess. Due to his face being a little puffy, no doubt after a few blows to the head from the night before, Facade got up from the toilet, trotted downstairs to the fridge, pulled out an ice mask, and put in on so he could do his morning stomach crunches in his bedroom. On a good day, he could go as high as a thousand.
Facade lied down on the floor of his bed, exhausted from his morning exercise. Given how he had managed to perform at least eight hundred and sixty-three this morning, he considered the rest to be well-earned. After all, he did get into a fight with some hoodlums last night. If that didn't count as exercise, he wasn't sure what would. When his muscles stopped aching, he trotted back to the bathroom and gave himself a nice warm shower. Anything to get the stench of sweat and booze out of his nose. Turning on the shower, he removed his ice mask and rubbed a deep pore cleanser potion onto himself and a water-activated gel cleanser before finishing off with a honey almond body scrub. If there was one thing he was thankful for regarding his wife's unending presence, besides getting to stare at a flank most ponies could only dream of, it's her taste in shower gels and shampoos. Would explain why her mane is so silky smooth.
After spending ten minutes in the shower, Facade trotted out and dried off in a His and Hers towel. More specifically, he was using the His towel. Another good choice his otherwise expendable but annoyingly persistent wife made. Last thing he wanted was to catch a disease from using her towel by mistake. Finished drying off, he trotted towards the medicine cabinet. The reflective surface of the medicine cabinet gave him a generous view of his extraordinarily handsome face and chiselled features. He opened the cabinet to get a bottle of moisturizer, some anti-ageing eye balm followed by a moisturization protection lotion. After applying all those things to his wonderful face, he looked at the gorgeous view in the closed medicine cabinet. While he is as good-looking as his wife, if not more so, his scarlet red eyes had little to no emotion to them. A cold stare greeting a cold stare. To everypony else, there is an idea of a Shining Facade. Some sort of abstraction. But to Facade, there is no real him. Only an illusory entity that a stage magician would conjure. While he could hide his cold gaze with his designer sunglasses, and ponies could shake his hoof and feel bone touching theirs and even get the idea of a possibly comparative lifestyle, he is simply not there.
Facade trotted out of the house, annoyed that Brocade would not consider his idea. Why wouldn't she consider his idea? He knows what ponies want. He wouldn't have made it as an entrepreneur if he didn't know what they wanted. If she did take his idea, maybe she would have written a successful best-selling novel and maybe, just maybe, pay for her own things as well as the things that little parasite he called a filly would want. He never wanted a foal. In fact, he never wanted a family to begin with. The only reason he let them stick around is because it's good for PR and because Brocade is a fine-looking mare that, when he hadn't been drinking, he got to look at every morning. It was ambrosia for the eyes. He made his way towards the flea market near town, levitating a suitcase full of golden watches that he hoped would sell. Granted, he couldn't expect to be sold out instantaneously due to the extremely high price of the watches but he was certain that somepony would be more than willing to buy at least one. Without warning, he bumped into another stallion.
"Hey, watch where you're going!" Facade shouted.
"Sorry, that's my bad," the stallion said to Facade "I was kinda distracted."
As the two were talking, a mare with a statue-esque stature trotted passed them, with the stallion Facade bumped into staring at her legs and drooling. It did not take long for Facade to know what this potential customer was so distracted by.
"Don't worry, buddy," Facade said in a casual tone, "I think I got just the thing for you."
Facade opened the suitcase and, along with the gold gleaming watches, were pictures of Brocade's hoof wearing one of the watches. The stallion stared at the picture, absolutely entranced.
"Like the picture?" Facade said, "That hoof there belongs to my wife and, trust me when I say this, she is stunning."
"Can I have the picture?" the stallion asked.
"Not without buying one of these watches, you can't," Facade replied as he gestured towards the watches.
"How much?"
"Ten thousand bits. Expensive, I know but, since I like you, I'm gonna let you see my wife herself as well as keep the picture. Sound good?"
The stallion pondered on Facade's offer then reluctantly went in for his wallet, hoping there would be enough bits to cover the cost of the watch.
"What time would you like me to visit?" the stallion asked.
"Does eight o'clock sound good?"
"Sure. I ain't doing anything at that time."
"Perfect."
The stallion emptied whatever bits he could in front of Facade.
"Uh...any chance I could pay you when I visit you?"
"As long as you remember to bring the money."
Facade turned over the picture to reveal it has his address written on the back.
"Here's my address. Hope to see you by eight."
Author's Note
It wouldn't hurt to admit this chapter somewhat references Patrick Bateman's morning routine from American Psycho.
Chapter 6 - A world turned upside-down
Brocade woke up to another sunny morning in Equestria, ready to take Cozy Glow to school. She felt a bit groggy due to a stranger entering her home and ogling her at every opportunity presented to him. Even more so due to her arguing with Facade again last night after the stranger left. She only put up with the stranger's attitude because Facade told her he was a customer. Why Facade decided to invite a random customer into her home, she will never know. Nevertheless, she made her way to the kitchen to prepare toast for Cozy Glow. She opened up a white cupboard with a bag of bread slices inside, opened up the bag, lifted out a slice with her magic and placed it in the toaster. While waiting for the toast to be toasted, she decided to give the kitchen a good clean. While it was already clean to begin with, she cleaned it anyway so the cleanliness would last longer and so she could bask in the scent of lemon-scented wetwipes. When the toast was done, she got the butter out of the fridge, lifted up a butterknife, and lathered the toast with a nice spread of butter. With Cozy Glow's breakfast all prepared, Brocade trotted up into Cozy Glow's bedroom. In the centre of the turquoise bedroom littered with pink teddy bears and stickers of anthropomorphic rainbows was Cozy Glow, sound asleep in her little wooden crib. Brocade trotted up to Cozy and gave her a little nudge.
"Wakey wakey," Brocade whispered, "Time to go to school."
Cozy Glow groaned.
"Do I have to?" Cozy mumbled.
"Yes," Brocade replied, "How else is your brain going to grow?"
"Maybe you unicorns have a spell for it," Cozy said as she turned over.
It always hurt Brocade when Cozy Glow said things like 'you unicorns', mainly because she felt that Cozy didn't think of herself as part of the family. Lucky for her though, she had a way of mending both her and Cozy Glow's spirits.
"If you go to school today, I promise to get you ice cream."
Cozy's eyes shot wide open at that statement and she sped out of her crib into the kitchen. While Brocade was worried that coddling Cozy Glow might turn her into a brat, she wouldn't deny that it was better than yelling at her. Besides, Facade bribed people all the time. what difference does it make when she does it?
Brocade trotted near the school with Cozy Glow firmly placed on her back. While it seemed like another sunny day in Equestria, Brocade noticed something different about the clouds. Some of them appeared pink in colour, as if they were made of cotton candy. As if confectionary clouds weren't a weird enough addition for the day, it started to rain. Brocade found it unusual since there were no weather reports indicating a rainy day. As if spontaneous rain wasn't enough, the rain in question was brown and it felt warm, like it was made of hot chocolate. Cozy opened her mouth wide, hoping to get every drop of chocolate rain that she could. While Cozy Glow was enjoying the tasty weather, Brocade was confused and a little concerned. While there was a nagging suspicion at the back of her mind as to why this was happening, Brocade thought it was unlikely.
Must be a fluke Brocade thought to herself It's not like he's real and he's back or anything. It's just a silly story my grandma used to tell me.
It was an early afternoon as Cozy Glow sat at her desk in the classroom, tired from being kept awake from another night of her parents arguing. While it only lasted for an hour, it was still enough to make sleeping difficult. She wondered why her parents were almost always at each other's throats. If they loved each other so much, why are they always fighting? Isn't that something you're supposed to do to somepony you don't like? Or somepony that was causing trouble? She ought to know, her dad once gave her a black eye for vomiting on his favourite rug. If hurting the ponies you love is supposed to be normal, it certainly didn't feel right. She wished the school could actually teach her about feelings. Maybe if she knew how to feel, the world might make a bit more sense. While she is capable of being happy and scared, she felt bored for most of her waking hours. And when she wasn't bored, she was empty. She used to feel sad whenever her mother felt sad but, after a while, she got used to the sight. She couldn't even remember the last time she felt sad. But on the bright side, she did enjoy the morning confectionaries.
Losing the urge to stay awake, Cozy tried drifting off. It did not take long for her to close her eyes and place her head onto the desk, using her notebook as a makeshift pillow. When she woke up, she noticed the entire classroom had changed. The desks were floating everywhere, wherever the other pupils were sitting on them or not. The teacher was also nowhere to be found. Cozy flew near an open window to get a good view of what's going on outside. Everything was literally upside down, with floating buildings, bent trees, the roads were checkered and covered in soap, and it was still raining chocolate. She rubbed her eyes and bit at her leg to check if she's dreaming. Unsurprisingly, it did not turn everything back to normal.
"Well, what do ya know?" Cozy said to herself "Mommy's bedtime stories were true."
Cozy sat back at her desk and smiled. While she was surprised by the sudden turn of events, she was glad that there was at least something to break the monotony of her usual school day. She found it a bit odd that her mother described Discord's reign as a time of unhappiness but if there was one she did know, it's that history was written by the winners. She still felt tired though but, because of the day's events, she knows the perfect remedy for it.
Cotton candy clouds.
Author's Note
Good Friday to you all and let me just say it's about time we got a chapter focusing on Cozy Glow, amiright?
And if you're still wondering why I'm keeping Cozy's age ambiguous for the rest of the fic, this is why. Timeskips ahoy, ladies and germs!
Cozy Glow curled up in her crib, trying to get to sleep. While she wondered what was the point of falling asleep if she was going to feel tired in the morning anyway, she couldn't deny it was very relaxing and it gave her a break from her day-to-day life. Unfortunately, falling asleep had proven to be more difficult than usual, courtesy of her father and his friends having a game of cards downstairs. Rambunctious laughter echoed throughout the house and the stench of tobacco had made its way through every crevice of the house. Unless somepony disabled the fire alarms, it's a miracle that none of them went off. Suddenly, there was the sound of a door creaking open, followed by hoofsteps down the stairs. Cozy sighed in relief. Hopefully, her mother would sort out daddy and his friends, whether it would be through peaceful negotiations or hoof meeting muzzle. Given how many times her father had beaten both her and her mother, Cozy hoped for the latter.
Brocade trotted down the stairs, groggy from her futile attempts at falling asleep. The searing light of the living room blinded her as she made her way down. When her eyesight was a bit more clearer, she could see Facade playing cards with five other ponies. She could tell these ponies were from out of town because they were not Facade's usual gang of poker buddies. She never bothered learning their names nor remembering their faces because she knew that whenever Facade invited ponies into their house for a round of cards, she almost never sees them again. As she trotted towards the tables Facade and his buddies were playing at, she could faintly hear her husband telling his buddies that same stupid Saddle Arabian golfer joke he told his other buddies and even some of his customers.
"Trying to impress his Saddle Arabian client, he says what the hooker said the night before," Facade continued "And the client asks him 'what do you mean it's the wrong hole?'"
Brocade rolled her eyes as another collective laugh emitted from Facade's buddies, with Facade wearing that smug grin on his face. Anypony who had been to Saddle Arabia or read about would know that adultery and prostitution are offences that were once punishable by petrification. It used to be punishable by death but the death penalty had been abolished from most if not all of Equestria for a while. She put her hoof to her head as she felt a migraine coming, with the braying hyenas Facade called his poker 'buddies' making it worse.
"Could you please keep it down?" Brocade asked wearily "Glowy and I have to get up in the morning."
"What about them meds your therapist put you on?" Facade asked before turning away and whispering in one of the other ponies' ear "She had been seeing someone after beating me half to death."
"It was out of self-defence," Brocade retorted "You tried to kill us while under Discord's influence."
"Why does everypony give Discord a bad rap?" one pony asked, "All he did was a few practical jokes and make it rain chocolate."
"You know what most ponies are like, especially the mares," Facade replied, "They're prudes."
Facade turned towards Brocade, who had taken offence to his misogynistic comment.
"Speaking of which," Facade said, "Could you be a dear and get me and the boys some beers?"
Facade emitted a chuckle from his own rhyme.
"Poet and I didn't know it. Actually, I did but I'm too humble to brag about it."
Brocade rolled her eyes again. 'Humble' was most certainly not a word anypony would use to describe Facade.
"Why don't you get it yourself?" Brocade asked coldly.
The ponies at the table oohed at the sass Facade's missus was delivering to him. Facade's confident smile evaporated as he got and up trotted towards his wife. He swung one of his hooves towards her, only for her to duck down and give him a taste of his own medicine by giving him a swift hoof to the face. Facade collapsed onto the floor, knocked out in an instant. Brocade looked at the hoof that struck her husband. It was shaking. She couldn't believe she would be so willing to strike her own husband and yet, at the same time, it felt strangely good.
Perhaps I should talk to Dr Headlove about that Brocade thought to herself.
She looked at Facade's poker buddies. They looked down at Facade's unconscious form, slowly got up from their seats, and made their way towards the door lest they suffer Brocade's supposed wrath. After they had left, Brocade looked around the living room. It was a mess, with half-smoked cigars, several half-finished mugs of cider, some of which had been tipped over and spilt all over the table. The playing cards were scattered all over the table and on the floor, some of which drenched in cider. The putrid smell of the discarded cider and cigars permeated the air. It was enough to make Brocade feel nauseous. Brocade sighed in resignation.
"I don't care what Facade says, I really need to hire a maid."
Before Brocade could enter the kitchen, she heard a snapping sound. It was enough for her to pause before shrugging it off and making her way to the kitchen. The cupboard containing the mop opened by itself, which what appeared to be the mop carrying a bucket of water with it. Following the mop was a sponge bouncing along towards the table.
"I'm ready!" the sponge said enthusiastically.
Brocade could only watch as the sentient cleaning utensils made their way towards the table. She wondered if this was some sort of sleep-deprived hallucination. In the blink of an eye, the table was squeaky clean. Brocade could only stare in awe and befuddlement as to how this could have occurred. At the corner of her eye, she could see a lion's paw holding some sort of card.
"The first one is free but I will be charging for my services," a voice said behind her.
Brocade turned around and saw a draconequus dressed in a Prench maid outfit. She knew this wasn't any old draconequus, especially since they are very rare to come by, but was the Lord of Chaos that haunted her childhood dreams.
"Discord," the draconequus introduced himself "My card."
Author's Note
Guess I'm not the only one who's glad about karma slowly catching up to Facade. It's like reporting a bad neighbour. Do it enough times and they're gone from your life.
How will Brocade handle her own personal bogeypony (or bogeydraconequus)? Find out in another two weeks.
Chapter 9 - A little talk
Brocade stared at the beast before her, not falling for his affable demeanour and ridiculous outfit. In a panic, she levitated the now inanimate mop towards her and pointed it at Discord as if it was a spear. Discord looked at Brocade with a confused look before having a literal lightbulb moment.
"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Discord said while chuckling "I'm reformed."
"Huh?" Brocade titled her head.
"You'll find that nowadays I've mended all my ways," Discord replied "Repented, seen the light, and made a switch. Though, you'd think by now that Celestia would have made a big announcement or something so that everypony I meet doesn't treat me like public enemy number one."
"And why should I believe you?" Brocade asked.
"I cleaned your house for free," Discord replied in his usual jovial manner "How many lords of chaos do you know are willing to show up in a Prench maid outfit and do some housework? After all, you did say you wanted a maid."
Discord leaned closer towards Brocade's ear.
"And it's part of my community service after an incident with the Everfree Forest," he whispered.
Brocade just looked at Discord with an even more confused look.
"So, let me get this straight," Brocade said in an attempt to comprehend her situation "The princesses sentenced you to community service."
"Mmm-hmm," Discord nodded.
"Even though you could brainwash them like you did to my husband?"
"Well, I know I could remove their tails and give them back like any other...Hang on."
Discord leaned down and eyed at the unconscious Shining Facade. He lifted Facade's head up and inspected it, along with lifting up and eyelid and looking at one of Facade's scarlet eyes.
"That's odd," Discord said "I don't think I ever met this pony before in my life."
"I wouldn't be surprised if you don't remember him," Brocade said with a hint of anger in her voice "Why would an immortal, nigh-omnipotent tyrant think anything of making a pony murder their entire family."
Discord turned around and looked at Brocade with confusion and offence in equal measure.
"Why would I make a pony do that?," Discord asked "I never liked killing anything so why would I force anypony to do that?"
"Because that's the kind of thing bad guys do," Brocade replied.
"I suppose that's kind of true," Discord said "but I'm the Spirit of Chaos, not the Spirit of Malice."
Discord glared at the still unconscious Shining Facade.
"I suppose I'll have a word with your husband when he wakes up."
Facade slowly and rather groggily woke up, his head pounding from the booze and where his wife hit him. From what his blurred vision could gather, he had woken up in the middle of a forest. As if his morning couldn't get any weirder than usual, he heard a klaxon blaring in his ear.
"Good mooooorning!" a voice loudly announced in his ear.
Facade shot up and looked at the source of the commotion. His vision clearing up, he could see that it was none other than Discord. Not one for being scared of anything, Facade just gave an unamused look at the draconequus.
"Aren't you supposed to be imprisoned?" Facade nonchalantly asked.
"I was but then I swore to use my magic for good instead of evil," Discord replied "For the most part."
Facade just shrugged "Fair enough. Best to be in the princesses' good books anyway."
"Actually, it's because I discovered the magic of friendship."
"What?" Facade gave Discord an odd look.
"I had acquaintances in the past but never any actual friends. I thought I had one in another free spirit like moi but I'd rather not get into that," Discord said in his usual jovial tone "Oh, that reminds me!"
Discord invaded Facade's personal space and got his face all up in his face "Would you please explain to me why your wife thinks I made you try to kill her?"
"You drove a lot of ponies insane," Facade replied "Thought I might look the part so I could get off on an insanity plea when they see the hacked-up bodies of my wife and child. But instead, I get acquitted for attempted murder. How annoying is that?"
Discord looked at Facade in surprise and a little bit of disgust. How is it that a pony could casually talk about attempting to murder their own family as if they were talking about their burnt turkey? Not that ponies ate turkey anyway.
"You tried to kill your own family and blame it on me?" Discord asked, his tone sounding slightly more antagonistic.
"Pretty much," Facade calmly replied "It's not like I killed anypony before so the judge and jury are more willing to believe me when I said you brainwashed me. I also threw in an illusion spell to look like the other crazed ponies in case of any witnesses."
Glaring at Facade, almost seething with contempt, Discord slowly raised his arms and began to clap.
"Good plan," Discord said "But you left out a few little details."
"And what would they be?" Facade asked.
"Even when I was doing the whole 'Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony' thing, with heavy emphasis on 'Disharmony'," Discord replied "There were and still are two things I would never do. One is killing somepony, the other is turning them into stone."
Facade tilted his head in confusion "You had the power to do whatever you want but you drew the line at killing ponies and turning them into stone? Why?"
"I don't know," Discord replied "Even for me, it just felt wrong."
"Meh, you do you," Facade said while trotting away "As for me, I'm gonna go home to get my stuff then get to work."
Before Facade could go any further, a massive stop sign appeared right in front of him.
"Ah ah ah," Discord said jovially "I haven't finished yet. You have to promise me not to murder your family and to treat them nicely."
"And what if I don't?" Facade asked.
"If you don't, then you won't mind if the princesses are in on your little secret," Discord replied as he pulled out a tape recorder. He pressed play and it played Facade confessing to his faking insanity, which annoyed Facade to no end.
"Deal?" Discord asked.
"Deal," Facade replied bitterly.
"Good. But if you think about breaking our little deal, just remember..."
Discord pulled his own eyes out of their sockets and moved them extremely close to Facade's face.
"I'm watching you."
Author's Note
If anyone's wondering why Discord is going out of his way help Brocade out and give Facade a good talking to, that's because he knows what it's like to be in a relationship that turns abusive. And if any of you are wondering what I'm on about, just look up the Cosmos arc from the comics.
BTW, when Facade said he never killed anypony before, he's lying.
Chapter 10 - A Nicer Facade
Cozy Glow slowly woke up to another morning like any other. Or what should have been like any other morning. What made this morning different from all the others was that she was greeted to the visage of her father smiling down at her.
"Good morning, Cozy," Facade said.
Cozy immediately hid her face with her blanket, worried that she had done something to get on his bad side. He pulled the blanket away from her and gently picked her up with his magic.
"Can't a guy say hi to his daughter in the morning?" Facade asked in a joking manner "As my way of making up for keeping you and mommy awake last night, I'm gonna be taking you to school today."
Cozy looked at her dear old dad in befuddlement. Since when did he care about how much noise he made during his game nights? Or, for that matter, when did he ever care for her and her mommy? Before she could comprehend what was going on today, she was gently carried down the stairs and into the kitchen.
Feeling tired from last night, Brocade struggled to get out of bed as she slowly woke up. As she eventually got up, she looked at the clock and realized it was an hour past the time she usually fed Cozy Glow.
"Nonononono!" Brocade said to herself in a panic "I overslept!"
In a mad dash, she galloped down the stairs and sped into the kitchen. To her surprise, she saw Facade making toast for Cozy Glow. She looked at Cozy, who was just as confused as she was, then looked at her husband.
"Morning, honey," Facade said serenely.
"Uh...morning?" Brocade stammered out.
"You won't mind if I take Cozy Glow to school today, would you?" Facade asked, "I figured you needed a day off."
Brocade couldn't tell what was weirder. Facade was actually awake in the morning or that he was actually being nice to her Glowie? Given his propensity for abusing the both of them, she had difficulty trusting him with their only child. Then a thought occurred to her. Maybe the reason why Facade was acting nice today was because he knew that she wasn't going to put up with his nonsense anymore. She also realized that, if Discord could turn over a new leaf, why not her husband? She and Facade loved each other once so what would stop them from trying to rekindle that love?
"Sure," she replied hesitantly.
"Perfect," he said "Besides, if you want to write that novel, you're going to need all the time you could get."
Not even awake for five minutes and already she had developed a headache, Brocade trotted back up the stairs and into the bedroom. She lied down on the bed and tried to go back to sleep. She wondered if the morning's events should be worth mentioning to Dr Headlove next time he saw him. She also wondered if she did the right thing in trusting Facade with Glow. It appeared the questions that permeated in her head will have to be answered later on in the day.
The young filly looked up at the fearsome behemoth before her. It looked like a pony but was far bigger than what she had seen before and was covered in scars, one of which ran down a milky-white eye. It had a dark grey coat and a mane as black as the night. As the dark menace approached her, she used her little legs to scuttle back as far as they could carry her. But it was no use as she was eventually cornered by this foul beast. It scooped her up with its iron hooves and kept its grasp on her as she struggled in vain to break free. Before she could cry for help, she heard a shushing noise.
"It's okay, it's okay," the big thing holding onto her said, "I don't wanna hurt ya."
The filly realized that the menacing creature holding onto her was just a normal pony. A menacing-looking pony but a pony nonetheless. As the big pony kept shushing, he gently rocked her up and down as if he was her own mother, as strange as it was. The filly felt calmer and calmer as she ceased her struggling. She even began to feel tired. Good thing too. She needed the rest after the hectic night she had to deal with. With all the banging and the screaming that she listened to in the other room, she was glad that the first living thing she encountered was another pony and not one of the monsters. The fiends that bumped in the night. It was miraculous that she even managed to rest at all.
Facade and Cozy Glow had made their way to school. Cozy dreaded it due to how bored she was in every lesson. She never bothered listening to half of what the teacher said anyway. But in spite of her disdain for school hours, she found it a refreshing break from the regularly scheduled torture she called her home life. At least when you did something wrong, the teachers rarely yell at you and only do so when you're naughty. They were certainly a lot more tolerant of her existence than her dad ever was. That is, until today, of course. She wondered if it was some sort of opposite day but that would imply mommy would abuse her today, something she had never done in Cozy's entire life. Then again, she never hit daddy until Discord's reign of chaos.
"Have a good day, sweetie," Facade said to Cozy.
"But daddy," Cozy whined "Being in school is awful! It's boring and I don't have any friends to play with!"
"I know it is and, to be honest, I hated it as a foal," Facade said, "But if you want to be rich and successful like me, you're gonna have to buck up and deal with it."
Facade leaned in closer to whisper something into Cozy's ear.
"Besides, if you be a good little girl today, I'll teach you how to make it more exciting."
Author's Note
Don't expect the niceties to last. He's only doing it because he knows Discord has his eye on him.
Also, that bit in the middle is an excerpt from Brocade's novel. Kinda like a show within a show.
It was another afternoon session In Dr Headlove's living room. The sun glistened through the windows and onto the milk-white walls as scented candles imbued the air with a strong smell of lilac. Brocade was never fond of the candles but it was certainly a change of pace from the stench of booze and tobacco.
"So, how has your home life been?" Dr Headlove asked.
Brocade turned to face towards the violet stallion, barely making eye contact due to the sunlight that reflected off of his glasses.
"It's...actually pretty good, for once," Brocade replied "Facade is actually being nice to me. Just like he was when we first met."
"Must have been a pleasant surprise," Headlove said as he adjusted his glasses.
"It was, actually!" Brocade said with more enthusiasm "But not as surprising as getting a visit from Discord."
"Discord?" Headlove tilted his head in curiosity.
"Yeah, Discord," Brocade replied "My grandma used to tell me stories about how he plunged the world into chaos and despair until the two sisters stopped him. He used to frighten me as a filly so you can imagine how surprised I was when he was nice enough to clean the house for me."
"I know the feeling. My personal boogeymare had always been Nightmare Moon."
"Oh, I could never have it in me to tell Glowie stories about the Mare in the Moon. She'd have nightmares for days. Heck, I never told her about Grogar."
"Do you believe Grogar is real?" Headlove asked inquisitively.
"Oh, no, of course, not," Brocade replied shakily "I mean, I used to but there's no possible way a ram could have power that far exceeded that of the highest-level unicorn. Not to be disrespectful to rams or anything but the only proper magic users in Equestria are unicorns, alicorns, centaurs and, as I have recently discovered, draconequii."
"I'm not confirming Grogar is real, since everypony knows he is a ghost story designed to scare foals long before Nightmare Moon, but it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility for other creatures to use magic. I heard of zebra shamans that are quite good with potions."
"Yeah but another reason Grogar is not real is that he got defeated by a normal pony. If Gusty the Great was so great then how come she only had that one story dedicated to her exploits? Or for that matter, is Gusty even real?"
Headlove wrote down notes on his clipboard, relieved that Brocade doesn't show any signs of delusion. Not that he ever worried about Brocade having a psychotic episode but it was always best to take notes about issues unrelated to her marital troubles.
"So, about Facade," Headlove asked in an attempt to steer the conversation away from boogeymares and monsters "Was his sudden change in behaviour a result of Discord's meeting?"
"I think so," Brocade replied, "Discord said he wanted a word with him and Facade didn't show any signs of brainwashing so maybe the right guy chat was all Facade needed. After all, if the spirit of chaos and disharmony can willingly change his ways, why not my husband?"
Facade took Cozy Glow to the theatre in Canterlot, mainly in part to his wife attending another therapy session and to prove to Discord that he is taking good care of her. While he never cared much for the brat, he couldn't deny that, should he actually teach her to be more like him, she could prove to be a worthy heir. But that was only something to think about in the future, and Facade rarely thought about the future. Not that he needed to, since he was rich and had friends in high places as well as low places. As he found a place to sit, he noticed one random pony in front of him turned around in her seat.
"Aw, isn't she adorable?" the pony cooed.
"Yes, she is," Facade replied, "Figured I'd give her a break from reading all those books."
"What's her name?" the pony asked.
"Cozy Glow," Facade replied, "It was my wife who picked the name."
The pony continued staring at Cozy Glow and made funny noises and funny faces, much to Cozy's discomfort. While she always enjoyed being the centre of attention for her cute appearance, it can get annoying when ponies made stupid noises for two minutes. Luckily for her, she didn't have to put up with the annoying pony for long as the curtains began to unveil. But what nopony expected was for a certain draconequus to appear, dressed as a stage magician. While everypony was confused and annoyed by Discord's sudden arrival, especially considering they just wanted to watch ponies dressed up as cats, Facade held Cozy up as a way to prove to Discord that he was acting like a good parent. Unsurprisingly, Discord's first magic trick was to pull something out of his hat. But instead of a bunny like most ponies would expect him to do, a dark cloaked figure emerged from his hat. The figure unveiled his cloak and revealed himself to be a decrepit centaur with pitch-black eyes, firefly-like pupils and skin redder than the rawest of burns. While everypony was frightened by the centaur's appearance, Facade just looked on in confusion.
What game are you playing at, Discord? Facade thought.
One unicorn in the front tried to attack the centaur, but it was no use as the centaur absorbed his magic before moving on to everypony else, including Facade and Cozy. Cozy tried to fly away but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get herself off the ground. In the distance, she saw Discord applauding the centaur as he grew in size and strength. More scared than she had ever been in her life, she scurried towards her dad, who had fallen to the floor as a result of the centaur's attack. While her initial intention was to hide behind him, she looked at his weakened face and smiled. For once, they were on the same level.
For once, he was powerless.
Author's Note
And that's how Cozy met Tirek!
And how Discord's betrayal screwed more than his friendship with the Mane Six.
Chapter 12 - Chaos in the Court
It was two days since Tirek's attack on Equestria. Two days that Facade had waited for since Discord was now on trial for his involvement. As he stood with the rest of the jury, he smugly looked down at Discord, who wore handcuffs that nullified his magic and was surrounded by several armed guards and a pony in a suit that would appear to be his lawyer. He was almost surprised that the princesses didn't pardon him for his actions, considering how often he hung out with one of them. Then again, there were only so many times you could pardon somepony for their actions before the thought of a coup popped into the heads of the commoners. Not that anypony would even dare to overthrow Celestia and the other princesses but Facade could only hope it does happen, if only to have a justice system more to his liking. He was soon snapped out of his treasonous thoughts by the bang of the judge's gavel.
"In the case of Equestria vs. Discord, the defendant is charged with being an accomplice to grand theft of all the magic in Equestria," the judge said "We shall now begin with the opening statements."
"Your Honor and the good ponies of the jury," Discord's lawyer announced, "My client is not guilty by reason of insanity."
Facade held back a laugh at what the lawyer said. Did Discord really think he could get off on an insanity plea? While he was certainly eccentric, Facade knew full well that Discord was capable of knowing right from wrong. Why else would he blackmail him into being nice to his neurotic nag of a wife and insufferable brat he called his daughter? But as long as Discord is locked up somewhere, whether it would be prison or a mental institution, Facade could care less about the jury's verdict. Although, he would definitely prefer Discord to rot in Tartarus even if it was just for a year. Anything to get that draconequus out of his mane.
Facade and the rest of the jury sat within a room different from the courtroom, the smug grin never leaving his face. It was rare for him to be ecstatic about something but he could not stop smiling at the fact that he would play a part in Discord's sentencing. With the room silent, he felt it best that he would be the one to speak what should be on everypony's mind.
"So...we can all agree he's guilty, right?" Facade asked.
The rest of the jury murmured and nodded in agreement. All except one. A red unicorn with a dishevelled mane, tail and beard.
"I dunno," the unicorn said, "I kinda get the sense he's not fit to stand trial."
"Pardon?" Facade asked, annoyed that not everypony was unanimous in their decision.
"I might be playing Grogar's Advocate here but come on," the unicorn said "The dude's from another plane of existence. Can't really judge him by our standards of morality now, can we?"
"Oh, yes we can!" another pony, one that Facade recognized by the blue fedora, replied, "He took over Equestria twice and both times, he got turned into stone."
"Yeah, but didn't Celestia free him the second time around?" the red unicorn asked.
"Clearly, a ruffian such as yourself does not read the news that often," a grey unicorn in a green shirt arrogantly retorted
"Several inmates in Tartarus broke out not long ago and I highly doubt Celestia would risk her flank just to round them all up again."
"Actually, I did know that," the red unicorn retorted "But since Luna came back from being Nightmare Moon, don't you think another reason for freeing Discord is because of her sister?"
"Hate to burst your bubble there but there's a huge difference between a pony that was corrupted by magical forces and a draconequus that was always evil," Facade replied.
"Where does it say Luna became corrupted?" the red unicorn asked, "All the stories say was that she got jealous."
"Since when were you the history buff?" the grey unicorn asked.
"Since I liked reading," the red unicorn snarkily replied.
"Then you would know that Discord used to be an associate of King Vorak," a medium grey Earth pony told him "And King Vorak is the father of Tirek."
"Are you saying Discord's part of a plot by the centaurs to take over Equestria?" the red unicorn asked, "Because if so, that's the dumbest conspiracy ever."
Facade rubbed his forehead, frustrated by the squabbling of the jury. While he wasn't picky about what verdict Discord got, as long as he was locked away, he was hoping everypony would be unanimous in their decision. It was a no-brainer that Discord was guilty as charged. Without hesitation, he got up and slowly trotted to the red unicorn before levitating him slightly with his magic and pouncing on him like a rabid predator.
"Listen, pal," Facade said calmly as he squeezed the unicorn's throat with his hooves "We can't give a verdict if we all don't agree on the same thing. So either you say he's guilty or I will tell the local authorities about your little adventures abroad."
"H...How do you know about those?" the red unicorn asked between breaths.
"Let's just say it's not smart to steal bits from me," Facade said with a far more menacing tone.
"Okay! Okay! Guilty!" the red unicorn shouted.
"Good," Facade said in a calm voice once again "That wasn't so hard, was it?"
Facade looked at the other members of the jury, many of which had looks of horror on their faces.
"What?" Facade shrugged "I used to work as a bouncer. I know how to get ponies to behave. Or, at the very least, how to kick them out of the club when they ain't behaving."
The horror of the jury quickly turned to confusion as they tried to connect Facade's experience as a bouncer to nearly choking out somepony that apparently had history with him.
So much for order in the court.
Author's Note
Yeah, the red unicorn vouching for Discord being not guilty would be my OC, Lion Dude.
If you're wondering why Discord pleaded insanity, it's because A. he's cuckoo for cocoa puffs, and B. provided the mental hospital he would have been treated in knows how to take care of its patients, it would have way more preferable than...Tartarus?
Either way, his sentence didn't last very long because he's still hanging out with Fluttershy is season 5.
Chapter 13 - Cranapple Juice
Buff Brass, mob enforcer guilty of aggravated assault and being an accomplice to money laundering and illegal cage fights. But one thing he's not guilty of is being terrible to foals, especially that young filly that changed his life around. Before rescuing that filly, he had nothing. All he had to live for was money to pay off his gambling debts. He also learned the hard way that it was not a wise idea to bet on his own fights, as he lost an eye to the Claw gang when they found out about it. They were nasty little dragons, as he could easily attest but they're not the ones he will be ratting out today. He sat at a wooden table with a few police officers and even a royal guard in attendance, barely paying attention to the mare that read out what he had to do while wearing a wire.
"The defendant shall participate in undercover activity while wearing a recording device known as a wire," the mare read the piece of paper within her hooves "The defendant must not commit or attempt to commit any further crimes."
"Alright, I get it," Brass mumbled, "Can I sign the thing already?"
The mare said nothing as she hoofed the paper over to Brass.
"If you could sign right here, please," the mare said.
Brass picked up a pen and signed where the mare was pointing. Never in a million years did he ever think he would wear a wire and snitch on his fellow gang members. But if it kept that filly safe, he was willing to do anything. And he knew his boss would stop at nothing to finish the job if he ever found out there were any survivors of the massacre so the sooner his boss is behind bars, the better.
Within a cheap dry-cleaner on the outskirts of Manehatten, Facade was busy arguing with the owners, a pair of yaks that Facade could barely understand because of their thick Yakyakistani accents. In spite of both he and the female yak shouting at the top of their lungs to the point that coherency is out the window, he managed to catch onto one word.
"Bleached?!" Facade asked furiously "Are you trying to say I should have it bleached?!"
"Da!" the yak replied, "What is wrong with bleach?"
"Two things," Facade said in a more affable but still very annoyed tone, "One, you cannot bleach this kind of fabric. Out of the question. Two, these are very expensive and irreplaceable sheets and I really need them cleaned as quickly as possible."
The yak started speaking in an odd mix of Ponish and whatever language the yaks spoke. Clearly, she didn't pay attention to her Ponish classes, which irritated Facade to no end.
"If you don't shut your bucking mouth," Facade said calmly "I will kill you."
The yak gasped in response before shouting in her native language.
"Listen," Facade continued "I need these sheets cleaned by this afternoon and I cannot understand you when YOU'RE SHOUTING IN A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE! UNDERSTAND?!"
The bell on the door rang as a mare entered the building.
"Shining?" the mare asked.
Facade turned around and looked at the mare. While he never bothered to learn the mare's name, he could tell by the Prench hat and curly chestnut brown mane that she was one of his neighbours. She looked slightly older than him and was a bit portly. A pity since Facade would have liked something different instead of waking up next to his wife every night. Not that Brocade wasn't pretty but, since she's a bit of a nag, Facade thought of her as tiresome.
"Hi," the mare said, "I thought that was you."
"Hello," Facade said politely.
"It's ridiculous coming up all the way up here but they really are the best, aren't they?" the mare said.
"Then why can't they get these stains out?" Facade asked as he pulled his linen sheets from one of the yaks' hooves "Can you talk to these guys? I'm not getting a word in edgewise."
"Okay," the mare said, "What's on them?"
"A suit fitting for what?" the mare asked.
"Oh, just the Grand Galloping Gala," Facade replied, "I wasn't able to go last time because I had to take my wife to the hospital."
The mare gasped "What happened?"
"She fell down the stairs," Facade replied "But I suppose it was for the best. I heard a group of mares turned the night into a disaster. Anyway, thank you for your help, Lily."
"It's Lotus," Lily corrected him.
"Lotus," Facade continued, "And I'll see you when I see you."
Brocade sat near the barely nine-months-old Cozy Glow as she read her a bedtime story. It was difficult to find an appropriate bedtime story since most of them had evil overlords and wicked witches. Maybe one day she might tell Cozy Glow one of those stories but for now, she focused on making sure Cozy had the best night's sleep she could possibly give her. Unfortunately, her attempts were cut short when she spontaneously floated in the air and was hurled into the door. Cozy Glow screamed and cried as the door broke into pieces with a loud crack. Brocade tried to get up but was ruthlessly throttled by her husband, who had both of his hooves planted firmly onto her throat.
"I gave you a good home and this is how you repay me?!" Facade seethed with anger.
Brocade struggled to breathe as Facade's grip on her throat grew tighter. He dragged her along the floor before flinging her down the stairs. Her ears rang and her vision was blurred by the time she got to the bottom. But in spite of her impaired senses, he could still make out her extremely livid husband.
"Listen," Facade grabbed Brocade by her mane "If you ever spend my money like that again, I will do so much worse to you."
Author's Note
FYI, Buff Brass is the stallion from the story within a story in Chapter 10. Thought I'd say that now in case you didn't notice.
Chapter 14 - Therapy Session
"And it wasn't the first time he did it either," Brocade said to Dr Headlove, "there was this one time on Hearth's Warming where he had too much to drink and nearly slashed my throat open with a broken glass."
Dr Headlove gave a concerned nod, "And you never told anypony this until now?"
"No, not once," Brocade shook her head, "I would never betray his trust like that. Only reason I'm telling you is because of doctor-patient confidentiality."
"Good to know you can trust me with your secrets," Dr Headlove said, "some of my patients are usually paranoid at first."
"Wouldn't blame them," Brocade whispered, "Especially with all these creeps befriending ponies and making little social gatherings just to sell their private information to the highest bidder."
"Yes, it's one reason why I don't trust the new princess," Headlove muttered.
"What new princess?" Brocade asked.
"Princess Twilight Sparkle," Headlove replied, "She had been coronated as the 'Princess of Friendship' about a year ago. A bit young for a princess if you ask me."
"I'm very certain most princesses start out young," Brocade said "After all, they are royalty. They're bound to be born into it, right?"
"Not exactly," Headlove replied, "Some ponies have ascended to alicorn status for reasons that are beyond our comprehension."
"So...why don't you trust the new princess?" Brocade inquired, "You know, apart from her age."
"A grown mare hanging out with three young fillies once a week," Headlove said sternly "Kinda suspicious if you ask me."
Brocade giggled, "Now who's being paranoid? For all we know, she could be their tutor."
Headlove smiled and looked away in embarrassment, "Well, I suppose that's true."
"Besides, whatever they're doing is bound to be less creepy than a guy with a PhD stalking royalty," Brocade said before laughing.
"I was not stalking her," Headlove denied, "I just heard rumours. Although I did see the brother of one of my patients looking in the window of her castle."
"Does the brother attend therapy?"
"Technically, no," Headlove replied, "He's just a tag along. His mother tells me he's autistic."
"Which one?" Brocade asked.
Headlove tilted his head, confused by Brocade's question.
"Your patient or his brother?"
"The brother," Headlove replied, "He listens to his music while I listen to his brother. Besides, I wouldn't have told you about him if he was my patient."
Headlove put his notepad and quill away and trotted over to a pile of envelopes with a yellow book right next to it, "Speaking of ponies on the autism spectrum, here's something I suggest to them as a way of improving their social skills."
Headlove picked up the yellow book, "making a pen pal and writing to that pen pal."
Brocade looked at the yellow book as the many questions about the safety of making a pen pal circled around her mind.
"Are you sure that's a wise idea?" Brocade asked "I mean, what if somepony is pretending to be somepony else? How do you know the pen pal isn't slowly corrupting the individual? Can't be too safe in this day and age."
"All very good questions," Headlove replied, "And I'm personally convinced the mail companies are selling the private information of the senders to a bunch of politicians but it's better than the alternative."
"And what's the alternative?"
"Making a friend in person only to lose that friend when they move far away with no way of contacting them," Headlove replied, "Which might result in them trying to emotionally shut themselves off from others or develop a pathological need to control others, both of which common symptoms in narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders."
Brocade put her hoof to her chin and thought about what the good doctor had said. Last thing she wanted was for her little Glowie to grow up and become a female version of her dad. Or worse, running a cult that brainwashes ponies.
"I suppose I could teach Glowie how to write letters," Brocade said quietly, "Might help her make some friends."
"Is Cozy Glow on the spectrum?" Headlove asked inquisitively.
"Not really, no," Brocade replied, "She never had any delayed speech nor difficulty with eye contact, not even a tantrum when something out of the ordinary happened."
"Pity, I really would have liked her as a patient."
Brocade gave Headlove an odd look, "She's a bit young for therapy, don't you think?"
"Nopony's ever young for therapy," Headlove replied dismissively, "After all, if a young foal had gone through a traumatic experience or has some mental difficulties, it's better to treat them now than never."
Brocade sighed, "I suppose that would be best for her. She has seen me and Facade fight more than once. And with that restraining order he put on Discord, who knows what will happen?"
Cozy Glow sat on the living room sofa and read a great big book about the history of Equestria and all the big bad guys that have invaded over the years. In spite of the many ferocious threats she skimmed over in the book, there was only one that she was interested in learned about. The one that attacked her father and many others with Discord at his side. Lord Tirek, son of the centaur King Vorak. Long ago, he and his brother came to Equestria to take its magic for themselves. But his brother had a change of heart and alerted the princesses of Tirek's plan, imprisoning him within the deepest pits of Tartarus.
"That's it?" Cozy asked in disappointment, "For a guy that teamed up with Discord, I thought he'd put up more of a fight."
Cozy closed the book and flew up the shelf to put it back, dissatisfied with what she learned about Tirek. Between Discord's reign of chaos consisting of nothing more than chocolate reign and soapy roads and Tirek's humiliating defeats, she was starting to question how menacing the many foes of Equestria really were. If anything, they were like the villains in the school pantomime. But as she heard the door open, she was about to realize all too quickly that not every evil creature in Equestria was an over-the-top nuisance that was announced by the boos of the audience. Some were just regular ponies that hurt others for reasons only they would know. And in the case of her dad, who had just trotted in with his three-piece navy blue ensemble covered in slime, it wasn't hard to guess that he hurt her and her mother out of anger. Without a moment's hesitation, she zoomed under the sofa to hide from her father's wrath.
"Oh no, you don't," Facade growled, "Come here!"
Facade used his magic to drag Cozy out of her hiding spot and slammed her into the wall before entering the living room himself and hurling her into the bookshelf. Even after seeing her father at his weakest, it always scared Cozy whenever he lost his temper. Half the time, it wasn't even the fault of her or her mother. Facade just wanted somepony as a stress toy. Cozy's wings and legs ached as she desperately crawled through the books and broken bits of wood. She could barely see anything as her vision became red, the blood from a nasty gash crawling down her head. She hoped her dad was finished with her but he immediately slammed her into the wall once again. As soon as she heard her bones crack from the impact, a loud ringing drowned out every other noise she could hear. While it was difficult to see, she saw her dad take his sunglasses off and tilt her head. She knew from prior experience what he was doing. He was observing how bad the injuries were and how to cover them up with his lies and a first aid kit. And when he was finished, she knew exactly what was coming next.
Her bath time.
Author's Note
Well, even if Cozy was dissatisfied with how Tirek got defeated the first time around, we all know they're going to team up eventually.
And yes, I do question what Lion Dude is doing in a fic that is more serious than my usual fare. Even if his name is never uttered, readers that are familiar with my work (and my profile pic) can tell that the pony Dr. Headlove caught stalking Twilight was the same pony from Chapter 12 vouching for Discord.
Brocade trotted back to her house. The door was left open. Worried that something terrible might have happened during her therapy session, she carefully trotted into her house. She could hear bubbling within the kitchen. It wasn't like Facade to brew something for himself, which made her even more certain that a stranger was in the house. She slowly made her way to the kitchen and creaked the door ever so slightly. But what she saw wasn't a random stranger making themselves at home in her house. It was something much worse. Something no mother should ever have to see. Her husband was dunking their daughter's head in the sink full of ice cubes and water. Every time Cozy tried to gasp for air, Facade would forcefully dunk her head right back in. She ran through the door and tackled her husband onto the ground.
"Get your hooves off of my Glowie!" she yelled.
As Facade quickly got up, Brocade began hitting him and shoving him out of the kitchen. His suit felt slimy for some reason but Brocade was too angry to care. She pushed him out of the house and slammed the door behind him. After all the arguments they had over the years, Brocade had never booted Facade out of their own house before. It felt good. Showed that she was done with his nasty behaviour. And if he didn't change his ways soon, Brocade would call the police on him. Seeing if her baby was alright, Brocade dashed back into the kitchen.
"Are you okay?" Brocade asked as she hugged Cozy.
"Not really," Cozy replied, "I like being cuddled but they're kinda hurting me now."
Brocade stopped her embrace of Cozy and stepped back a bit. She had a big cut on her forehead and there were bruises all over her body, including a black eye.
"Well, don't you worry, Cozy," Brocade said warmly, "Your daddy will never hurt you again."
"I dunno," Cozy said concerned, "It's been forever since Discord checked in on us. What if daddy kicked the door down?"
"Then he will go to jail," Brocade replied, "But let's not talk about him. I got a fun activity we could do."
Brocade walked out of the kitchen with Cozy following suit, even though it hurt Cozy to even fly. They went down into the study, where Brocade turned the lamp on with her magic.
"Do you have many friends, Cozy?" Brocade asked.
"Nope," Cozy replied.
"Don't worry," Brocade said reassuringly, "I didn't make many friends in school as well. I was always that weird unpopular filly that sat under the tree and read books. So that's why I'm teaching you how to write letters."
"Uh...what does writing letters have to do with making friends?" Cozy asked.
"It's called making a pen-pal," Brocade replied, "Though, you'd think 'quill pal' or 'letter pal' would be a more appropriate term."
Cozy looked at the desk. It had a quill and a blank parchment illuminated by the lamp. As disappointed as she was in Tirek's history, she couldn't deny that she needed his help. If she were to stop her dad from hurting her, she would need to know from the best of the worst. And who better to strip ponies of their magic than Tirek?
Within the deepest caverns of Tartarus, Tirek sat in his cage, bored out of his gourd. It annoyed him to no end that he was defeated by Princess Twilight and her friends despite taking away all of their magic. Not even he could have predicted they had a magical artefact of their own hidden away from him. He would have picked the lock and waited for Cerberus to let their guard down like they did last time but they used an enchanted lock on his cage. One that would zap him every times he stuck his claws in there. As he stooped in his cage, something unusual happened. As the gates of Tartarus opened, a grey cross-eyed pegasus flew a beeline towards Tirek's cage. She bumped her head onto one of the bars on Tirek's cage before falling over and creating a little earthquake behind her.
"Delivery to a Mr Lord Tirek," the pegasus spoke as she pulled out a letter from her satchel.
Tirek just stared at the wall-eyed pegasus before him. If this is the kind of creature that they send to deliver letters to the inmates, it is little wonder that Tartarus looked the way it did. He snatched the letter from the pony's hoof and tore away at the envelope.
Dear Tirek
It must be so lonely down in Tartarus so I, being the sweet little thing I am, thought I'd keep you company. Well, maybe not actually keep you company by being cellmates with you but by writing you letters. Golly, you must feel so alone being different from everypony else. I should know, my parents were unicorns but I was born a pegasus. Maybe we could be friends. You tell me about yourself and I tell you more about myself.
Hope to hear from you soon, Cozy Glow
Tirek snickered at what he had read. As if he would succumb to the same disease that claimed both his brother and Discord. He also knew better than to trust this Cozy Glow because anyone would want to be friends with him must have been insane, especially since the reason he was stuck in Tartarus was because he attacked her home not that long ago. But even with how laughable it was that a pony would be interested in befriending him, he knew that they would do anything to stay in his good graces. Besides, he needed to keep himself occupied during his eternal stay in Tartarus.
Now all he needed was a pen and a piece of paper.
Author's Note
Yeah, this chapter was shorter than usual. What can I say? I was burned out after writing the sort-of sequel to this story.
Chapter 16 - A Trip to the Library
Dear Cozy Glow
Thank you so much for your letter. I look forward to reading more from you. Anything to keep myself occupied in this infernal prison! Though I should tell you I was not that different from the rest of my kind. Sure, I was smarter than the average centaur but I wasn't the only one who could harness the power of Equestrian magic. There was a sorceror that taught me everything I knew about draining magic. Being the clever little thing you are, I'm sure you've heard of Sendak the Elder. But if you haven't, then I'd suggest you look him up. Think of it as a history lesson.
Lord Tirek
In the middle of the night, Cozy looked at the letter sent to her, illuminated with a flashlight. It wasn't a school day so she was allowed to stay up as late as she wanted. While she was happy to get a response from Tirek, she had never heard of this Sendak and didn't know where to look. Whatever Sendak did, it probably wasn't enough to be mentioned in the history books. Hopefully, there was a book about all the sorcerors in all the lands otherwise she would have nothing to send to Tirek. Perhaps she could ask her mum if she knew anything about Sendak the Elder. She flew out of her bed and hovered into her mother's bedroom. She was sound asleep, sprawled about in her great big bed. Why she needed a bed that big, Cozy will never know.
"Mommy?" Cozy said as she gave her mother a little nudge.
"Yes, Cozy?" Brocade asked.
"Have you ever heard of a wizard called Sendak the Elder?" Cozy asked.
"Not really," Brocade replied, "Why?"
"My pen pal wanted me to talk about him but I don't know anything about him," Cozy replied.
Brocade yawned, "Well then, guess we'll have to go to the library in the morning."
"Thanks, mom."
"You're welcome."
On a sunny Sunday afternoon, Cozy and Brocade made their way to the Royal Canterlot Library. While they could have used the local library, Brocade knew that the Royal Library in Canterlot always had the best history books. That, and the last time Brocade borrowed a book from the library in Manehatten, some of the pages were stuck together and had splotches of what she hoped to Celestia was tree sap. Brocade trotted up to the desk with Cozy hovering right behind her. At the desk was a dark turquoise mare with a yellow turtleneck and a fluffy light blue mane.
"Excuse me," Brocade asked, "Do you know of any books that have a sorcerer in it called Sendak the Elder?"
"No but you could check everything in the 'S' section," the librarian replied enthusiastically, "There's plenty of books about sorcerers!"
"Thanks," Brocade trotted away with Cozy not that far behind.
As they made their way to the 'S' section, Brocade spotted a familiar stallion. One who wasn't coming into their home again any time soon. It was her husband, reading a book about how to manipulate the stock market or some business like that.
"Need help with something?" Facade asked.
Seeing her husband right behind her, Brocade yelped in surprise as Cozy immediately hid right behind her. Facade just chuckled.
"You two are a bit jumpy today," Facade said, "Was it something I did?"
Brocade scowled at her husband.
"Are you still mad about what happened yesterday?" Facade asked.
"You were drowning our child," Brocade coldly replied.
"No, I wasn't," Facade lied, "She was playing out in the mud and got all dirty so...I did what anypony would do and get all the dirt out."
"Other ponies don't dunk their foals' heads in water when cleaning them," Brocade said venomously.
"Well, I wanted to be thorough," Facade said, "Anyway, what brings you around here?"
"I could ask you the same question," Brocade replied.
"Just doing research for a role in a play," Facade casually said, "Bet you forgot I was an actor."
"I'm surprised anypony would work with you considering your penchant for yelling at the director," Brocade deadpanned.
Facade raised his hoof, "That was one incident."
"Two if you count the guy that wrote 'Please Kill Mr. Facade'," Brocade retorted.
Cozy giggled at her mother's witty remark.
"Well, that's enough about me," Facade said, "What about you lovely mares?"
"If you must know, we are looking for a book about Sendak the Elder," Brocade replied.
"School project?" Facade asked.
"Nope," Cozy replied, "It's for a letter I'm writing to a friend. He's a big scary centaur named Tirek."
"Wasn't that the guy that attacked us in the theatre?" Facade asked.
"Yep," Cozy replied, "But if you two taught me anything, it's that anypony can be friends."
Facade tilted his head, "And what about centaurs?"
Cozy shrugged, "I don't think it's in their nature but it's worth a try."
Facade smiled confidently, "I think I know how to help you girls out. Follow me."
As Facade trotted away like he owned the place, Brocade and Cozy carefully followed. Brocade was just hoping he wouldn't try to crack both her and Cozy's heads open with a big book. As Facade reached a bookshelf, he pulled down two books, a yellow one and a blue one. And just like that, the bookshelf moved away.
"I stumbled upon the restricted section while looking for a book on Equestrian politics," Facade explained.
Brocade watched as Facade entered the dungeon below. Curious as to what was down there, she continued following her husband. As much as she didn't want to admit it, Brocade had always enjoyed Facade's roguish behaviour. It was only when he was hurting her and Cozy she put her hoof down. Facade opened a massive door and inside was an ancient study filled with dusty old books.
"I'd be careful looking through these books if I were you," Facade warned, "Some of them are hardcore pornography banned in every city in Equestria."
"What's pornography?" Cozy asked.
"You don't wanna know," Brocade replied.
Facade trotted up towards his wife, "So, does that mean I'm off the hook?"
"If you ever lay a hoof on my daughter like that again, I will do everything in my power to throw you in jail," Brocade replied with a cold whisper, "You're on thin ice."
Author's Note
How much do you want to bet Tirek was snickering when he wrote that letter?
Also, Please Kill Mr. Facade was a reference to this documentary:
Chapter 17 - Parent Teacher Meeting
Dear Tirek
Something annoying happened today. My mommy forgave daddy after he tried to drown me. Sure, it wasn't the first time my dad had beaten me up and dunked my head in an ice bath but I thought mommy actually seeing me being hurt for once might make her kick him out of my life for good. But nope, she lets him back into the house after one day. Well, that's the justice system for you, if you could even call it that. Do all sorts of nasty things but everypony lets it all slide if you just say sorry. Maybe that's why you're in Tartarus. You didn't want to give them mean old ponies the satisfaction. But on the bright side, mommy's making him attend this parent-teacher conference at my school so I don't have to deal with him tonight. Hopefully, he doesn't come back until long after my bedtime.
Sincerely, Cozy Glow
PS: I looked up your teacher, Sendak. Gotta say, for a pioneer of draining magic, you'd think he'd have a bigger reputation. With such power, he could have brought all of Equestria to its knees. But since he was only charged with kidnapping a unicorn, I can see why the history books don't mention him that much.
It was another relaxing Monday evening, or it would have been relaxing were it not for the fact that Facade was forced to attend the parent-teacher meeting at Cozy's school. Even though he had long since graduated, he had always hated school. All work and no play as far as he was concerned. And when he was allowed to have his bit of fun, he got dragged by the ear to the principal's office. The only reason Facade even attended this meeting was because his wife thinks Cozy's teacher is intimidating. As he sat at the desk in the classroom, the teacher trotted up to him. Facade could tell from the sharp features and mane tied up in a bun that the light turquoise mare before him was Abacus Cinch, a former teacher who worked at the School for Gifted Unicorns before one of her students fell into a come after being pushed to the limit and accidentally tearing a hole in reality to live up to her expectations. Facade had read about the incident in the paper and, with such a weakling costing Cinch her job, was it any wonder that she was such a crotchety old thing?
"Mr Facade," Cinch said, "I must say it's a delight to teach your daughter."
Facade tilted his head at that statement, "It is?"
"Of course," Cinch replied, "I don't think I've seen a student in her class as bright as her. And so well-behaved, too."
"Well, she gets it from me," Facade said confidently.
"Do you read to her at night?" Cinch asked.
"Of course," Facade lied, "A day doesn't go by when I'm not reading to her."
"Perhaps you could ask her if she would like to attend the annual spelling bee," Cinch said, "After all, I think this school could do with a more prestigious reputation."
"Oh, don't worry, I'm sure this school has a good enough reputation as it is," Facade said, "Why else would I send Cozy here?"
"A fair point," Cinch replied, "Now, let's talk about her attendance."
Cinch pulled out a register.
"There have been a couple of days, weeks even, where Cozy had been absent. Care to explain?"
"Oh, those?" Facade replied, "She had to go to the hospital. You know what pegasus fillies are like. They tend to injure themselves when learning how to fly."
"Scientific studies say otherwise," Cinch said sternly.
"Since me and my wife don't live in Cloudsdale, there's a good chance she might fly up into the ceiling only to bump her head and come crashing down," Facade continued to lie, "She even had a nasty fall on the weekend. You have no idea how many times Child Services came around to my house and I had to explain Cozy's injuries to them because they think that I've been beating her. How ridiculous is that?"
"I suppose you're not the only one who had the law breathing down your neck," Cinch replied, "Because of an incident with one of my students, I am no longer allowed to teach in the School of Gifted Unicorns."
"I know, I read the news," Facade said.
"And that is to say nothing about the rumours that I drove another student into taking her own life. Could you even imagine how damaging that was to my reputation? I was lucky enough to even get a teaching job here!"
Facade shrugged, "I guess some ponies just aren't ready to handle the pressure. Take my wife, for example. She always worries herself silly over the smallest of things."
"Yes, she did strike me as the nervous type last time I saw her," Cinch said, "Well, it was a pleasure talking to you, Mr Facade. If you could find a way to boost Cozy's attendance, I would appreciate it."
"I'll see what I can do."
Facade got up out of the desk and made his way out of the classroom.
"Before you go, do you know anything of a recent act of vandalism to the mare's toilets?" Cinch asked, "Cozy said a stallion snuck in there and performed a Loo Bomb spell."
"Nope, had nothing to do with it," Facade replied as he quickly trotted out of the classroom.
"I should hope not. There was sewage everywhere."
Dear Tirek
I forgot to mention in my earlier letter that I did something very naughty today. During break time, I waited for my teacher to enter a toilet where I put a magical item my dad gave me that can turn a toilet into a mini volcano. As much as I hate him, I'm glad he stuck to his promise of making my school days more exciting by teaching me something he used to do when he was my age. Now let's hope Miss Cinch would think my dad did it. And if she doesn't, well, it was pretty funny anyway. You should have seen the look on her face, even though it was mostly covered in poop. I had to hide in another room because I was about to pee myself laughing. Anyway, what about you? Surely, you have some fun childhood memories to share with your friend.
Sincerely, Cozy Glow
Author's Note
Fact of the day: Shining Facade is a lying bastard!
Chapter 18 - The Last Straw
Ringing. That was all Buff could hear after Don Ravioli's goons gave him the beating of his life and left him to bleed out onto the cold streets of Manehatten. He could barely speak, let alone see since they did very good work on his face. The only thing he could feel was the cold pool of his own blood he was laying in. It was miraculous that he still knew what planet he was on. Even when he was on the verge of death, there was one thing that helped him cling onto the thinnest strands of life.
Hope.
Hope that the filly would gallop quick enough, away from the stallions that intend on finishing what they started. Hope that she would grow up into a decent mare and not go down the same path he did. Hope that he might live long enough to see her grow up before his very eyes, provided Ravioli's men didn't buck up his one good eye too badly. Even if he knew he wasn't going to make it, he found some solace in the last words he spoke to the young thing.
"Run. Run, you sweet li'l miracle. And remember me. Not as a bad pony but as a good one."
Brocade looked proudly at the final chapter of her novel. It had been a hectic couple of years but the one thing that had always remained consistent was her novel and her sweet little Glowie. As she waited for the ink on the parchment to dry, she excitedly galloped out of the study towards the front door. She couldn't wait to tell Facade the good news and, for once, she hoped he was still at the bar with his drinking buddies. It would make telling him that much easier. She could send him a letter like when she messaged him about Cozy's birth but she felt this was news that had to be told in person.
Facade sat on the sofa inside of Limestone's apartment. It was always good to use the apartment of somepony else as his own bachelor pad. Gave him a break from the wife and the brat. The only problem he had with borrowing the place was that he was worried the police might find the body of the original owner. He was accompanied by two prostitutes, a cheap one with a dirty blonde mane and an expensive one with a platinum blonde mane, both of which believing his name is Limestone.
"So," Facade asked smugly, "Don't you wanna know what I do?"
"No," the expensive one replied.
"No, not really," the cheap one followed suit.
Barely hiding his annoyance at the two mares' answers, Facade decided to tell them anyway. It didn't matter if they were interested or not, he's paying them good bits to have fun.
"Well, I work as a businesspony. And when I'm not busy selling golden watches and other valuables, I do a bit of theatre work as an actor. Unfortunately, I tend to work with incompetent directors that keep trying to tell me how to act even though I have more talent in my hoof than they do in their entire body."
The prostitutes just gave Facade a disinterested look.
"You have a really nice place here, Lime," the expensive one said, "How much did you pay for it?"
"That's none of your business," Facade replied, "But I can assure you it wasn't cheap."
Facade got up and trotted towards the record player, which had a Ge-neigh-sis record inside.
"Do you like Ge-neigh-sis?" Facade asked, "Ever since the release of Dukes, I've been a fan of their music. Before that, I didn't really understand their work. Too artsy and intellectual for my tastes."
As Facade trotted into the bedroom, the two mares followed suit.
Brocade trotted up the stairs of the apartment, hoping Facade's friends weren't lying about where he was. What Facade was doing in a place where a businesspony like him was found murdered, she will never know. She just hoped that he wasn't kidnapped by a serial killer or a terrorist. The door to where Facade was said to be was left open. She cautiously nudged the door and slowly made her way into the room. The lights were off and the air was irradiated with the stench of booze and what Brocade hoped was gone-off fish. As she lit up her horn to find her way around the darkened room, she slowly crept towards the bedroom. And that's when she saw her husband in bed with two mares. At a loss for words, she just stared at the three ponies before her. To think he had the gall to accuse her of cheating and yet, in what was supposed to be their second happiest moment, she caught him in bed with two mares she had never met in her life. And when Facade finally noticed her distraught wife, she stormed out of the apartment.
"Honey, I can explain," Facade said.
Words couldn't describe how angry she was at her husband. Her abusive, alcoholic, hedonistic, lying unfaithful swine of a soon-to-be ex-husband.
"Hey, wait up!" Facade shouted.
Brocade turned around. She saw her husband, his usually slicked-back mane in a total mess.
"Give me your key to the house," Brocade said coldly, barely containing her wrath.
"Come on, sweetie," Facade said in an attempt at being charming, "Can't we talk about this?"
"You'll find your things outside of the house by sunrise. Now give me the key."
Facade scoffed, "Honey, you're being irratio-"
"Give me the key!" Brocade shouted, tears in her eyes "And stay the Tartarus away from my filly, you hear me?! I am gonna go to the police and tell them everything you did! The beatings, the attempted murder of my baby, everything! Now give me the k-"
Brocade felt a sharp sting through her jaw, followed by the sudden taste of metal in her mouth. She looked at her husband, his confident smirk replaced with a cold stare. The same stare he gave her when Cozy was born. She tried to scream but she couldn't. As Facade removed the knife from her mouth, she coughed and spat out as much blood as she could. But it wasn't enough for her to breathe. Before she could even run, Facade slashed through her legs. It was methodical in the way he did it, starting with her hooves and then her knees. Brocade was in so much agony that, if it weren't for her drowning in her own blood, she would have screamed. Instead, it came out a loud pained gurgle as she collapsed onto the floor. She could only watch in terror as Facade pinned her against the wall and dug the knife all the way into her stomach. With the knife still embedded in her, Facade pulled it up all the way to her heart. He was soaked head to hoof in blood, that cold expression never changing. Brocade felt cold. Weak. It was all over for her. She no longer had it in her to be terrified any more. As Facade released his former partner from his grasp, Brocade could only look at the blood-soaked monster she used to call her husband.
And then she saw him smile. It was a wicked smile. The kind nopony should ever see on another pony. That smile was the last thing she ever saw before everything faded to black.
Author's Note
Bit earlier than I thought it was gonna be but, since we're now focusing more on Cozy's POV, perhaps it was time for her mother to be out of the picture.
Also, if any of you had seen (or read) American Psycho, then you would probably know what will happen to the hookers Facade hired the next time he sees them.
Speaking of American Psycho, you know that stallion Facade was having dinner with in chapter 3? Yeah, no surprise as to what happened to him. Though I do wonder what Equestria's equivalent to Huey Lewis and The News would be.
Chapter 19 - Into The Woods
Cozy and her father travelled deep within the Everfree Forest. They were carrying the bloodied remains of her mother, neatly wrapped in a big plastic bag. She had never been to the forest before, only heard stories about how terrible beasts like the Ursa Major lived there. She half-expected a wicked witch or a big bad wolf to appear out of the trees at some point. As she flew with her mother's head in her hooves, her blank lifeless eyes staring at her, she wondered why she didn't feel anything. While she was scared of what Facade would do to her without her mother to protect her, she wasn't particularly sad about her gruesome demise. If anything, she saw it coming. Didn't need much convincing to help Facade bury her. He just dropped the corpse in front of her and told her to help him out.
"How much longer do we have to go, dad?" Cozy asked, "I got school in the morning."
"Would you keep it down?" Facade snapped at her, "You don't know who else might be here! And besides, you're not going to school tomorrow."
Cozy smiled excitedly at what her dad said. It almost made her forget she was helping him carrying her mother's dead body. Almost. Then she felt dread again. With mommy dead, who was going to protect her from Facade? Is the reason she's not going to school was so he could beat her mercilessly? She didn't want to think too much about it. She and Facade kept moving forward until he suddenly stopped.
"This will do nicely," Facade whispered.
He dropped the corpse onto the floor with Cozy following suit. He whistled loudly. Cozy heard growls within the woods and, out of instinct, hid behind her dad. She knew that he would be the last person who would try to protect her but she needed a pony shield. She saw small but bright green glowing eyes lurking within the shadows of the trees. And out from the trees crawled a pack of Timberwolves. They sniffed the air and started to circle the snack Facade left for them. Without a moment's hesitation, all of them dived in and began tearing at the flesh of their food until their teeth were coated with blood. Even though Cozy could see them tearing what was once her mother into pieces, she felt a sense of relief that it wasn't her. Although, knowing her dad, it wouldn't be out of the question that she would be next. As the wolves tucked into their meal, Facade turned around and trotted away, with Cozy fluttering right behind him. Without warning, he grabbed her with both of his hooves and slammed her into a tree.
"Listen and listen good," he snarled, "Tell anypony else about this and you will be joining her. Got it?"
Cozy nodded fearfully.
"Good," Facade said, "The only reason you're still alive is because it would look suspicious for both my wife and child to disappear on the same night."
Facade released Cozy from his grasp and continued trotting out of the forest. Cozy, meanwhile, looked back at the pack of timberwolves that had just finished with their dinner.
"Someday," she whispered quietly to herself.
"What was that?" Facade asked.
"Nothing," Cozy lied.
"Oh. Thought you said something."
Dear Tirek
Golly, I had quite an eventful day today. My mommy died and I had to go bury her. Would say I was sad but, to be honest with you, I thought she was boring. Too much of a push-over. Was it any wonder that she bit the big one, considering how much of a meanie-pants my daddy was to her. Anyway, what about you? Surely, you must have had a plan to overthrow your dad. Maybe you can help a pal out and give me some pointers. Not that I would even think about it but it would also help to give me some ideas on how to overthrow our beloved princess, Celestia.
Sincerely, Cozy Glow
Cozy lied down in her bed. Facade had gone out drinking and had left her in her lonesome. Good. Last thing she wanted was to deal with him and his poker buddies again. Annoyingly, it started raining so even with her dad gone, she still had trouble sleeping. The pattering of the rain did nothing to distract her from the worry that Facade might pick her up while she was sleeping and beat her half to death just for the fun of it. Why not? Before her mommy finally caught Facade trying to drown her, Facade would use any kind of excuse to beat Cozy into a pulp. Vomiting on his new rug. Peeing on the seat. Even simply asking for a snack. Now with mommy gone and Discord no longer allowed to visit the house because of that restraining order, there was nothing to stop Facade from breaking every bone in Cozy's body if the mood struck him. He even said to her face that the only reason he hadn't killed her already was because everypony would know what he did.
Now all she needed to do was to get a response from Tirek.
Author's Note
Looks like Cozy's vicious streak is starting to show.
Still, is it any wonder why she wanted to be powerful in the actual show?
Chapter 20 - A Different Lesson
Dear Cozy Glow,
While I have tried to overthrow my father by becoming an indomitable force far more powerful than him, you are probably aware of how that plan turned out. Want my advice? Don't. Trust. Anyone. I thought my brother would never betray me and yet he considered his friendship with the ponies more important than my conquest for their power. Even Discord gave up his desire to turn Equestria into his own playground because of his precious Fluttershy and even then, all it took was the right words for hi and I to form a temporary alliance. Why the princesses of Equestria thought he was worthy of reformation and I wasn't is beyond me. He only spent a year as my cell-mate while I'm stuck in here for all of eternity. Not that I wanted him to spend all of eternity with me because, if that one year was anything to go by, he was the worst cellmate ever. How was it that he got to keep his chaotic powers and I didn't? And every time I tried to take his power for myself like I did last time, he activated the tickle belt he put on me. To this day, I still get phantom tickles. You're probably bored of me rambling on about my misfortune so I'll pass onto you another word of advice. Don't form attachments to anyone. Unless you have a grandma who encourages your ambition. That is the only exception.
Sincerely, Lord Tirek
While Cozy was annoyed that Tirek didn't give her any advice on how to get rid of her dad nor to overthrow Celestia, she giggled as she read about Tirek's misfortune in Tartarus. The bit about the tickle belt being her favourite. Who would have thought that the mighty Lord Tirek was such a loser?
Unfortunately, her entertainment was about to be cut short as her father entered the room.
"For Celestia's sake, would you keep it down?!" Facade irately asked.
"Ever thought of not drinking, Dad?" Cozy replied dryly, "Maybe you'll feel better."
Facade lifted Cozy into the air and slammed her into the wall, the impact leaving a crack in the wall. He pulled a knife out from the other room and held it to Cozy's throat.
"You know you can't talk to your dad like that," Facade said coldly, "And if I were you, I'd suggest you stop squirming unless you want to get cut."
Facade moved the knife even closer to Cozy's throat, "Let's make things very clear. I owe one of my friends a lot of money and if I don't pay up in a week, he's going to break my legs. So why don't you be a good daughter and help your dad out?"
"Is this why I'm having a day off school?" Cozy asked.
"Yep," Facade replied as he put away the knife, "And if you do your job right, then maybe we could go out for ice cream. Do you still like ice cream?"
Cozy pondered at her dad's offer, "What kind of ice cream?"
"Any kind you like."
"Chocolate with rainbow sprinkles."
"Done."
Facade released Cozy and trotted behind her, placing his hoof on her back, "Open wide."
"Wh-," Cozy tried to ask before having a book shoved in her mouth.
"I'd say this might hurt but you're probably used to it now," Facade said as he pushed down harder and used his magic to dislocate one of Cozy's wings.
As she was being trollied along by her dad, Cozy scowled at him. She knew the first thing he was going to do to her after her mommy was gone was to hurt her.
"What are you looking at me like that for?" Facade asked, "I'll pop it back in as soon as we get the money."
"You better," Cozy muttered.
"And if anypony asks, just tell them you were trying to do a Wonderbolts stunt," Facade said.
"Wonder-what?" Cozy asked.
"You don't know who the Wonderbolts are?" Facade asked, "Did your mother ever let you outside when you're not going to school?"
"No, because you used to beat the snot out of her whenever she spent anything on me," Cozy bitterly replied.
"Yeah, best not to tell anypony else that," Facade said quietly, "Otherwise, I'll break the other wing."
Facade and Cozy arrived at the house of one of their neighbours. Facade knocked on the door, to which he was greeted by a mare wearing a Prench hat and had a curly chesnut brown mane.
"Hi, Shining," Lotus said, "Did your wife tell you the good news?"
"What good news?" Facade asked.
"She finally finished her novel," Lotus replied, "I saw her bolting out the door last night. Don't think I've seen her that excited since she was pregnant with Cozy Glow."
"I didn't see her last night," Facade said, his lips trembling.
"Oh," Lotus said.
"That would explain why Cozy was all alone and there was a bookshelf on one of wings and she was screaming and there were books everywhere and my wife was nowhere to be seen!" Facade said rapidly before pretending to cry, "So if you have any money to spare for the medical bill, I would appreciate it.
Cozy watched her dad as he rubbed his eyes and bleated like a sheep in his attempts at crying. There weren't even any tears. She had seen actors in pantomime do a more convincing job at being sad than what her dad was doing. Whoever hired him to act in any of their plays must have been a chump.
"I'll see if I have any bits to spare," Lotus said as she trotted back into her house.
After he finished his performance, Facade turned around and faced Cozy.
"And that, little lady," Facade whispered, "Is how you get the lead role in The Trottish Play."
"Maybe if it's a version for foals my age," Cozy deadpanned.
"What's that supposed to mean?!" Facade asked.
"It means your acting stinks and our neighbour is a gullible weenie," Cozy replied.
"Well, it's a good thing she is gullible otherwise this wouldn't work," Facade retorted.
Author's Note
Well, that explains what Discord was doing in Tartarus for the whole year even though he could have escaped any time he liked. Well, apart from dozens of ponies being very angry with their ruler that Tartarus' security leaves a lot to be desired.
Chapter 21 - A Visit from Auntie Ribbon
Cozy sat in the living room, bored out of her gourd. While she was glad that her dad had left to do his job and was generous enough to send the school a note saying she was still recovering from her broken wing, it left her with more free time than she knew what to do with. She could write another letter to Tirek but she couldn't think of anything to ask him. Then she heard a knock on the door. While her wing was still sore from when her dad dislocated it, she managed to hover over and see who's there through the peep hole. It was a unicorn that bore a striking resemblance to her mother but with some key differences. Her eyes were purple instead of emerald and her coat was a darker shade of pink. Her mane was shorter and more curlier, with a few light streaks not that dissimilar to the ones in Cozy's own mane.
"Can I help you?" Cozy asked.
"Hey, Cozy," the pony said, "Is your mom inside? I need her for something."
"She's not here," Cozy replied.
"Can I come in?" the pony asked.
"Do I know you?" Cozy asked.
"It's your aunt, Royal Ribbon," the pony replied.
"Who?" Cozy asked.
"I was at your baby shower," Ribbon replied, "We had a Hearth's Warming dinner last year."
Having nothing better to do, Cozy shrugged and gently opened the door before fluttering down onto the floor.
"Thank you," Ribbon said, "I knew my sister and I didn't get along but you'd think she would tell you who I am after all these years."
"You and mom didn't get along?" Cozy asked.
"We've made up last year but we had a fight about whether she'd look good in a ribbon," Ribbon replied, "She said she didn't want anypony messing with her hair but if it ain't got a ribbon, you sure won't be winnin'."
"Golly. It's a good thing I'm an only child," Cozy said before giggling.
"Where's your dad?" Ribbon asked.
"He's out working," Cozy replied.
As she chatted with Cozy Glow, a thought popped into Ribbon's head.
"Hey, wait a minute," Ribbon said, "Shouldn't you be in school?"
"Yeah and no," Cozy replied, "I broke my wing not long ago so I have to stay in here until it gets all better."
"I dunno," Cozy said while rubbing her wing with her hoof, "It feels really sore. So, what did you need mommy for?"
"I have a dress that I want her to try on," Ribbon replied.
"Is it for the Grand Galloping Gala?" Cozy asked.
"Nope," Ribbon replied, "Stopped going to those after the Smooze incident. Since there's always some kind of disaster at the Grand Galloping Gala, is it any wonder your mom doesn't go to those things? I swear, it's like the princess herself stages them or something."
"So...what's the dress for?" Cozy asked.
"Why, it's for the first ever Friendship Festival," Ribbon replied, "Thought your mom might have wanted to come. Speaking of which, where is she, anyway?"
Cozy shrugged, "I dunno."
"Huh," Ribbon said, "That's not like her to leave you all by your own. I even had to cover for her at one time because you got sick."
"Ooh, now I remembered where she went!" Cozy said excitedly, "She had to go to the hospital."
Ribbon sighed, "I bet it had something to do with your dad."
"What do you mean?" Cozy asked.
"Let's just say he really likes his apple juice," Ribbon replied.
Before Ribbon could say anymore, she heard a creak of the door. She turned her head and saw Facade entering the house.
"Speak of the draconequus," Ribbon said.
Facade chuckled, "You know, I actually met one of those. Put a restraining order on him so he doesn't embarrass me in public."
"Wait, you can actually put a restraining order on that guy?" Ribbon asked in surprise, "And he obeys it?!"
"Well, when you're as influential as I am, you can make quite a lot of noise until you get what you want," Facade replied.
"I wouldn't say you're that influential," Ribbon said with a smirk, "You're more like a C-lister."
"Anyway, what brings you by my neck of the woods?" Facade asked.
"I was going to ask my sister if she wanted to come to Equestria's first ever Friendship Festival with me but she's at the hospital," Ribbon replied.
"Yeah, she and Cozy had a pretty serious accident," Facade said casually.
Ribbon glared at Facade, "Right. Accident."
"Now that you're here and I need somepony to look after Cozy, I was wondering you could look after her for me while I do my job," Facade requested.
"Anything to keep her out of your hooves," Ribbon replied bitterly.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Facade asked.
Ribbon trotted closer to Facade and leaned towards his ear, "If I ever see you lay a hoof on my sister or her child, I will do everything in my power to make sure you rot in Tartarus. And don't think I won't have any evidence because trust me, I will."
Ribbon trotted out of the door, with Cozy hovering right behind her.
"Great," Facade muttered to himself, "Now the other one's like it."
Dear Tirek
I'm finally out of the house! Woohoo! If I'm lucky, I might be able to live with Auntie Ribbon forever. You know, as long as she isn't a jerk like my dad or a wimp like my mom. Hey, since you and Discord used to be buddies, do you have any tips on friendship? My aunt and I are going to the Friendship Festival and I was wondering if there was a way in which I can make friends with everypony else. Don't worry, I'm not gonna get attached to anypony. Trust me, I don't wanna be like my mom. It's not I have to like my new friends. I just have to act nice to them, right? Worked for my dad when he and mom got married.
Your Faithful Friend, Cozy Glow
Author's Note
For those wondering who Royal Ribbon is, she's usually a background pony in the actual show:
Chapter 22 - She Saw A Chainsaw
His debts settled and the brat gone for the week, Facade felt like celebrating. Not wanting to be alone and with a big bag of bits that needed spending, he trotted through the night-lit streets of Manehatten to see if there were any call-fillies that would like to party with him. As he scoured the streets, he encountered a familiar pony with a platinum blonde mane. While he couldn't remember her name, he certainly remembered her from the last time he had a bit of extra-marital fun.
"Crazy seeing you here," Facade said to the mare, "This your corner or something?"
"Forget it, buddy," the expensive prostitute said, "I had to go to the emergency room last time."
Facade flashed her a cocky smile, "Trust me, this won't be anything like last time."
"Are you sure?" the call-filly asked, "What if your wife barges in on us again?"
"Don't worry about her," Facade replied, "She's not gonna be a problem."
The mare glanced at Facade's bit-filled bag, "I think I might need to go to surgery because of last time. That bag you're holding looks like it might cover it."
"Well, if you want it, you'll have to follow me to my place," Facade said as he turned around.
As he walked away, expecting the mare to follow him, he caught a glimpse of her trying to grab the bag from him.
"Nuh-uh," Facade said as he moved the bag away with his magic, "Half now. Half later."
"Is there gonna be another mare with us?" the call-filly asked cautiously.
"Yes," Facade bluntly replied, "Her name's Beth. Nice girl, very flexible."
The platinum-maned mare woke up on the floor of Limestone's darkened bedroom. Her head was killing her and she couldn't even remember how she got there. All she remembered was bumping into that weird threesome-loving salespony who offered her a drink at his place. Considering her client's tastes, she wouldn't put it past him that he slipped something in her drink.
Ugh, what time is it? She thought to herself as he struggled to get up.
As she groggily lifted herself up, she looked at the bloodstained mattress. She wouldn't be too surprised if whatever happened was an exact repeat of the last time she was at Limestone's place. She staggered out of the bedroom and took a slow wander through the corridors of the apartment. With the paintings of fruit and flowers hung up on the beige walls, it just looked like any other apartment. as the corridor grew darker, she opened a black door, hoping it was an exit of some sort. But when she opened it, she was greeted to the sight of three bloodied half-rotten corpses of mares messily wrapped in plastic bags, covered in flies and moths. While she was slow to react, she turned away from the sight and threw up.
"What the Tartarus?!" She said to herself, her speech slurred.
Through the buzzing of the flies, she heard a faint whirring noise that grew louder. She turned around and was face-to-face with the salespony that hired her, wielding a chainsaw and covered head to hoof in blood. The mare screamed as she ran into another room, tripping over herself in the process. She got up and saw, to her horror, that she fell into the blood of another of the stallion's victims. She felt one of her legs being dragged away and the chainsaw grew louder. She looked at the crazed stallion and, before he could cut one of her legs off, she kicked him in the muzzle and ran right past him.
"Not the face!" he shouted.
As she gathered her bearings, she galloped through the many beige corridors of the apartment before seeing a red door which she hoped belonged to one of the tenants in the apartment.
"HELP!" she screamed as she banged on the door, "SOMEPONY!"
Getting no response, she continued to run away until she saw a flight of stairs. In her haste, she tripped over herself again and fell down the stairs, only making it halfway to the bottom. She heard the chainsaw revving again and looked up at the top of the stairs. While her vision was blurred, she could make out the blood-soaked stallion aiming his chainsaw at her. She tried to get up but the blood she fell in combined with whatever the stallion put in her drink caused her to keep falling over until she felt a sharp stinging pain in her stomach. She looked over and saw the chainsaw embedded into her. As she coughed up blood, everything started fading to black.
Facade trotted back up to his room in the apartment, carrying the bloodied body of his latest victim. Even with his magic, the fresh corpse was definitely heavier than he expected. While he always enjoyed the living more than the dead, he couldn't deny that the recently deceased were tighter than when they were alive. He just hoped that he remembered to pick up extra bags.
He sprawled out the blood-soaked corpse onto the bed. Upon inspection of the dead call-filly's dishevelled mane and ruffled coat covered in blood, she really didn't look that attractive anymore. It was a pity that the tranquillizer didn't last as long as it should have. Either that or he didn't put in enough. Hoping that the water hadn't been shut off because of Limestone being unable to pay his bills, as well as an urgent need to wash all this blood off of him, Facade trotted into the bathroom for a nice shower.
Author's Note
Yep, another American Psycho homage. Because comparing Shining Facade to Patrick Bateman never gets old.
I promise the next chapter will focus on whatever hijinks Cozy and her aunt might get caught up in.
Chapter 23 - The Friendship Festival
It was a sunny day as Ribbon wandered around the courtyard where the Friendship Festival will take place, with her niece hovering right behind her. She could tell from the way Cozy was wobbling about that her wing hadn't entirely healed.
"Is your wing still sore?" Ribbon asked.
Cozy nodded.
"You can ride on my back if you like," Ribbon said.
"Thank you," Cozy said as she gently positioned herself on Ribbon's back.
As Ribbon continued to trot about, Cozy looked around the area. Despite her aunt picking out a dress for her mother, everypony around her wasn't even wearing a single piece of formal clothing. Maybe her mother and aunt just liked to look good regardless of the occasion. As she looked around, she saw a dark cloud in the sky.
"Auntie Ribbon?" Cozy asked as she pointed at the dark cloud, "What's that?"
As Ribbon looked up, an airship emerged from the dark cloud. Even though there was nothing to suggest such a thing, she knew the element bearers had something to do with this. Or at least their friend, Discord.
"It's nothing good, that's for sure," Ribbon replied.
The entire sky was covered in nothing but dark clouds as the airship made its descent. Curious as to what it was, even though she knew it was going to be another monster attack or something just as bad, Ribbon cautiously trotted closer towards the ship. At a safe enough distance, she saw a small grey hedgehog-looking thing exit the ship with a weird-looking loud-speaker.
"Ponies of Equestria," the small hedgehog thing announced, "We come on behalf of the fearsome, the powerful, the almighty...Storm King!"
A banner on the airship unfurled to reveal what both Cozy and Ribbon assumed to be the Storm King.
"And now," the hedgehog thing continued, "To deliver this evil, evil message, put your hooves together for Commander Tempest!"
From the airship stepped out a dark purple unicorn with a spiky dark red mane and tail and a broken horn. Despite the unicorn's rugged looks, Ribbon can't help but admire how good she looked in that armour.
"What's up with her horn?" Cozy asked.
"No idea but she does look good in that armour, don't you think?" Ribbon replied.
Cozy gave her aunt an odd look.
"What?" Ribbon said defensively, "I have an eye for fashion. Anyway, we better get out of here."
It was another day at the flea market as Facade wandered about with a suitcase full of used goods. Normally, he would sell golden watches and other high-priced valuables but recent events had drilled two things into his head. It wasn't smart to sell expensive items in a marketplace where ponies are looking for cheap hoof-me-downs and it was even less smart to bet an entire supply of golden watches in a poker game, even though Facade was drunk during that particular poker game and therefore couldn't be held accountable for the resulting loss.
"Still hangin' around the flea market?" a voice called out to him.
Facade turned around and saw a grey unicorn with a brown moustache. He knew the unicorn in front of him was one of his poker buddies but he couldn't quite remember what his name was.
"Hondooooo...Am I right?" Facade asked.
"Yep," Hondo replied, "Been a while since I've seen ya. Everything okay?"
"Couldn't be better," Facade replied.
"How's the wife?" Hondo asked.
"She's in the hospital," Facade casually replied, "An accident with some bookshelves, you see."
"Geez, sorry to hear that," Hondo said, "Anything I can do to help?"
"No need," Facade replied, "I already got hospital bills covered."
Hondo stroked his moustache, "Yeah, I'm not so sure about that. I heard you got in trouble with some loan sharks."
Facade chuckled, "No, that's just a rumour. The tabloids will say anything to tarnish my good image."
"I wouldn't go as far as to say you have a good image," Hondo pointed out, "A friend of mine saw you hangin' around the red light district at night. Even wrote a newspaper article about it."
"Pretty sure I sued that friend of yours for libel," Facade stated, "And I will tell you exactly what I told Buried Lede in court. I was just visiting the nightclub I used to work at and those mares that I allegedly 'solicited' were drunk and needed somepony to take them home."
Hondo nodded, "Good point. But what about that guy who wrote 'Please Kill Mr Facade'?"
"That guy was an idiot," Facade explained, "Besides, if I was as bad as ponies say I am, would I be friends with the mayor of Manehatten?"
Facade put down his suitcase and opened it before showing Hondo a picture of him and the mayor.
"I helped fund her campaign," Facade bragged, "If anypony could vouch for me, it would be her."
"What about your wife?" Hondo asked, "Wouldn't she vouch for you?"
"Oh, yeah, and her," Facade quickly replied.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a slew of pictures burst out of Facade's suitcase.
"More pictures of ponies you know?" Hondo jokingly asked before chuckling.
As Facade scurried around to pick up the sudden swarm of pictures. As he did so, he looked at one that was very incriminating. It was of his stabbing his wife. He looked at another one at it was of him chasing that hooker with a chainsaw. And then he saw Hondo holding up a picture.
"What the Tartarus?!" Hondo exclaimed.
On the back of the picture Hondo was holding, Facade could see a note written in cursive.
I know what you did. - Discord
Author's Note
Look at that, I finally wrote a new chapter.
Seems fair that I do, though. I've been spending this week and the previous one cleaning house. Well, 'cleaning house' as in getting whatever fics I've written over and done with, not actually cleaning my own home.
Anyway, stay tuned every Thursday for the last couple of chapters of A Cozy Tale.
While running away from what they presumed to be the Storm King's soldiers, both Cozy and Ribbon found themselves cornered by three of them. While Ribbon was scared out of her wits, Cozy was surprisingly calm about the whole situation. Due to how fluffy they looked, she wasn't intimidated in the slightest by the hulking brutes before her. If anything, she was wondering if there was any way in which she and their boss could be friends. Before she could even ask one of them, a trio of anvils fell on each of their heads, knocking the soldiers out cold. Cozy and Ribbon looked up and saw a familiar draconequus descending from the sky while holding an umbrella.
Cozy waved at Discord, "Hi, Discord."
"Wait, you know him?!" Ribbon asked incredulously.
"He's friends with my mom," Cozy replied.
"Indeed I am," Discord said as he held out his hand, "And if you want to live, I'd suggest you come with me."
With a snap of his fingers, Discord teleported the two ponies to his not-so-humble abode, where they floated about in
"Perhaps I should have warned you that I'm not one for gravity," Discord pointed out, "But as long as the Storm Empire doesn't have inter-dimensional travel, you should be fine."
Ribbon floated towards Discord, "You got some nerve, you know that?"
Discord gave Ribbon a confused look, "What do you mean?"
"I'm still mad at you for getting Smooze goo all over my dress!" Ribbon replied.
Discord rolled his eyes, "That was years ago. And if you're not happy staying here until my friends sort out this whole Storm King business, I could easily take you back to Canterlot. Only reason I'm not doing that is because I owe your sister a favour."
"Speaking of which, how do you know my sister?" Ribbon asked.
"I was court-ordered to clean up every house in Ponyville," Discord replied, "And every city in Equestria even though my Plunderseeds didn't even touch them yet. So when your sister accused me of making her husband try to kill her, I gave that husband a good talking to and have been micromanaging her affairs ever since."
"Hold on," Cozy said, "If you keeping an eye on me and my family even though my dad gave you a restraining order, then why did you let my mom die?"
Both Discord and Ribbon were taken aback by Cozy's question.
"I thought your mother was in the hospital!" Ribbon exclaimed.
"I lied!" Cozy shouted, "If I told you the truth, my daddy would have beaten me! How do you think my wing got broken?!"
Ribbon paused for a moment before glaring at Discord, "You said you've been keeping an eye on my sister. Tell me, with all of your power, how could you allow Facade to kill her and abuse my niece?"
Discord turned away in shame while sheepishly rubbing the back of his head, "Well...neither of us here like Facade so I thought I'd wait for him to do something so terrible, he'd be cellmates with Tirek in no time. And there's also that restraining order so, unless I want to join him, I can't get anywhere near him."
"So all the times I got thrown into hospital because of him wasn't enough?" Cozy asked venomously.
"And I've been busy," Discord continued, "I may be able to rip the fabric of reality but that doesn't mean I can be in more than one place."
Another Discord appeared from a portal above the...floor ceiling, "Oh, yes you can!"
"Do you mind?" Discord told his other self, "I'm in the middle of a conversation."
The other Discord disappeared back into the portal as it closed.
"Now, where was I?" Discord asked.
Both Cozy and Ribbon glared at Discord, unamused by his attempts at levity.
"You said you were too busy to help a poor, abused, little filly," Ribbon growled.
"I was!" Discord said defensively, "There was that one time everypony in Ponyville was replaced with changelings and I had to go save them with some acquaintances of mine. And with a social life as active as mine, I can't just allow Fluttershy to be stuck in a cacoon for the rest of her life."
Cozy and Ribbon continued to stare at Discord.
"Anyway," Discord said in an attempt to change the coversation topic, "It would please you two to know that I took some very incriminating photos of him."
With a snap of his fingers, Discord showed the two ponies a ludicrous amount of pictures of Facade's nightly hobbies. While Ribbon looked like she was about to hurl, Cozy seemed unfazed by the horrid activities her father had committed.
"Let's see his lawyers spring him out of that one," Discord said as he waved a photo.
Having run as far as he could from Hondo, the collection of photos he picked up from the floor neatly packed in his suitcase, Facade entered an abandoned cabin and, to his good fortune, saw a quill and parchment on the kitchen counter. Hiding behind the counter, Facade levitated the quill and parchment over to himself and began hastily scribbling a message to his lawyer. While this wasn't the first time he got into legal trouble and needed a combination of both friends in high places and a team of lawyers to keep his flank out of jail, the photos of his nightly hobbies were enough to tell him that, with the exception of at least one of his lawyers, he was on his own for his one. He could blame it on changelings or even Discord but he read in the news that the changelings have made peace with the rest of Equestria and Discord's personal 'no-killing' rule would make it very difficult to convince the court that he was impersonating Facade.
Dear Ward
It's me, Shining Facade. You've been my lawyer ever since I was a teen so you should know that I've killed a lot of ponies. Mares, mostly. Some of them arewere prostitutes while others simply looked like my wife. Speaking of my wife, I killed her too. I stabbed her through the muzzle and gutted her like a fish. She is in a ripped-up bag in the middle of the Everfree Forest. I had to. She threatened to kick me out of the house. ME! I also killed one mare with a chainsaw, maybe cut of some of their heads in an apartment somewhere. Can't remember the address but it shouldn't be that hard to find. Just look for the closet full of mare heads. Think it might have been fiveten in total. It wasn't even just mares. I also killed this rival of mine, think his name was Limestone. I killed him an AXE to the FACE! His body is dissolving in a bathtub in Tartarus KtichenKitchen, which I think is in the red light district somewhere. Anyway, even though I did jury duty not that long ago, I don't think I'm gonna get away with this. It would probably go beyond standing trial and I might actually face the wrath of Celestia herself. Does she even give ponies a fair trial or does she just give out whatever punishment comes to mind? If she can send her own sister to the moon, I hate to imagine what she will do to a normal unicorn like me. But hey, maybe I might be lucky. She didn't do anything bad to that cult leader. Instead, she let her hang out with that other princess. You know, the newpurple one. Meet me at my place tomorrow, 2PM. We'll talk more about this. And once you're done reading this letter, BURN IT!
- Shining FaceFacade
Author's Note
One more chapter to go.
Though you'll have to wait next week for that chapter.
Chapter 7 - Hello, insanity defence!
Facade woke up to another sunny morning in his king-sized bed. While a little groggy, he did not have a hangover or anything due to not partying last night. Being the businesspony that he is, he knew it was best not to spend every bit he had on drugs and mares. Not only would it sully his reputation but it would result in Brocade leaving him and taking the little brat with her. While Facade wouldn't mind that, he couldn't deny that, if his friends perceived a potential divorce as his fault because he enjoyed a bit of infidelity every now and again, he would certainly lose their respect. He got up out of bed and looked out the window. The sight was unusual, with buildings floating every which way, pink clouds that rained chocolate, checkered floors and green skies.
"Honey, did you put something funny in my food yesterday?" Facade shouted down. But he had no response.
Must have taken the brat to school Facade thought to himself.
Facade made his way to the marketplace, trying not to lose his balance on the soapy roads. While the marketplace was usually bustling with ponies trying to make a quick buck, it had the weird misfortune of being occupied by long-legged bunny rabbits and ballet-dancing buffalos. The pie-selling pony, who's name Facade cannot for the life of him remember, jumped onto and grabbing as many floating pies as possible. In the corner was another pony just sitting there, babbling in some sort of eldritch tongue. There were two discoloured ponies arguing and throwing whatever produce they have on their stalls at each other, with one managing to fire a tomato directly in the other's face. Floating past Facade was an ATM machine that said "feed me". Facade had seen his fair share of odd things, most of which while high out of his mind, but never had he seen the entire world lose its collective mind like this. And that was when he had an idea. A way to get rid of the brat and his nag of a wife.
Brocade ran to her home as quickly as possible, with Cozy Glow carefully wrapped up in a blanket on her back. She used the floating mini islands to dodge the oncoming stampede of horseshoes. There were also pies flying opposite her direction, like they were trying to aim for her face. Seeing her house in the distance, she teleported inside. She hyperventilated as she carefully placed Cozy Glow on the floor and unwrapped her.
"Aw, can't we play outside some more?" Cozy Glow asked.
"No, we can't," Brocade replied sternly.
"Why not?" Cozy asked, "We were having so much fun!"
Cozy giggled at the amount of fun she had while Brocade looked out of the window with concern. While Cozy Glow was too young to understand what potential danger she could have gotten herself into, Brocade knew full well that a world of chaos is no place for a foal. In fact, it was no place for anypony period. Unfortunately for both Cozy Glow and Brocade, they were about to realize not even their home is a safe haven. Brocade turned around and noticed Facade in the kitchen, levitating a massive knife. There was something off about him. His mane and tail were slightly dishevelled and he was not wearing his sunglasses. Along with having a grey tint to his coat, his eyes weren't the scarlet red they usually were, instead a pattern of multicoloured swirls. Facade slowly trotted towards Cozy Glow and Brocade, wearing the most demented smile on his face. While Cozy Glow was confused and a little unnerved, Brocade knew that Facade had been driven insane like a good portion of everypony else in Equestria. Without warning, Facade swung the knife downward towards Cozy Glow, only for Brocade to quickly move her out of the way and trot up the stairs. Facade swung the knife again, this time at one of Brocade's legs. Brocade screamed in agony as the blade cut through her leg. While Facade didn't cut into any major arteries, the pain from the wound did make running away from Brocade's crazed husband more difficult. Brocade limped away into Cozy Glow's bedroom, holding Cozy in hoof as she did so. Brocade locked the door and moved Cozy Glow's crib in the way in order to ensure Facade doesn't get in. Brocade huddled Cozy Glow towards her, one part to protect her, the other for her own comfort. Before Brocade had the chance to catch her breath, the knife Facade was using went through the door before being slowly pulled out, taking small bits of the door with it. As Facade continued to hack the door to pieces with the knife, Brocade hid Cozy Glow under a pile of stuffed toys and limped near one side of the crib barricading the door. The more of the door Facade hacked away, the more fearful Brocade became. There was nothing that she could use to defend herself. A blast of magic shot through what remained of the door, smashing the crib to pieces in the process. Brocade slowly used her magic to move one of the bars on the crib towards her as Facade trotted slowly into the bedroom.
"Sweetie," Facade said in a borderline serene tone "Come out, come out wherever you are."
Half- ventilating, Brocade picked up the bar and, once she had Facade in her line of sight, hit him across the head with it before tackling him to the ground. Driven by fear and repressed resentment against her husband, Brocade grabbed Facade by the head and slammed it down repeatedly to make sure he was unconscious. Cozy Glow was still hiding under the pile of toys as she watched her mother hit her dad before dropping his head to the floor and hyperventilating. Given how sweet and gentle her mother was, Cozy Glow was surprised to see her mother act so violently.
Maybe the world did go mad.
Author's Note
Well, Facade handled Discord's second reign of chaos better than most.
And yes, the ATM machine that said "feed me" was another American Psycho reference.
Chapter 25 - Please Kill Mr. Facade
The chains between Facade's hooves rattled as he was dragged into the courtroom. Luckily for him, his trial was held in the courthouse of Manehatten instead of the place where he helped in convicting Discord. And he was thankful that Celestia herself didn't show up to look over the proceedings. Even with all the good he did in his life, including funding the mayor of Manehatten's campaign, he just knew Celestia would have been far from merciful to him.
"Shining Facade," the judge announced, "You stand here accused of twenty-eight accounts of murder in the first degree, several accounts of child endangerment, and at least one account of fraud. How do you plea?"
Facade's eyes widened slightly. He knew he was in trouble for all the ponies he killed but it never occurred to him that he would be in even more trouble just for beating up his daughter whenever the mood struck. He simply thought it was something that was taboo, not illegal. From the corner of his eye, he saw a certain draconequus sitting with the jury, eating a bag of popcorn. With a smug grin, Discord gave a small wave to the chained-up Facade. Clearly, Facade knew that Discord remembered the role he played when the draconequus was put on trial for being Tirek's accomplice.
"Not guilty," Facade calmly replied.
There were murmurs among the courtroom. Despite the amount of evidence against him, he was mildly surprised by how much his image has changed. Enough that ponies actually doubt him when he says he's innocent.
The judge banged his gavel, "Order in the court."
"Are you going for the insanity defence?" Ward whispered.
"Worked for me when Discord first escaped," Facade quietly replied.
"I hope you know what you're doing," Ward whispered, "I'm putting my reputation on the line for you."
Facade looked at his lawyer incredulously, "Your reputation? What about mine?"
"Maybe you should have thought of that before you-," Ward whispered before being interrupted by the judge's gavel banging once again.
"Is there something you and your attorney would like to share, Mr. Facade?" the judge asked.
"Nothing, your honour," Facade replied.
Facade sat in the holding cell he was incarcerated in until the trial could continue. While this wasn't the first time he was stuck in a cell with nothing to do but wait until he was acquitted, he felt absolutely bored. With nothing else to occupy him, he couldn't help but wonder if he might actually get out of this one. Theoretically speaking, he could were it not for the magic-dampening ring around his horn and were it not for him being disallowed from posting bail. In fact, not even his own poker buddies were willing to bail his flank out for him. He then wondered to himself, if he did get acquitted, what should he tell them to convince them he didn't do all the things he did.
Suddenly, his train of thought was interrupted by a small explosion from the back wall of his cell. From the resulting hole, a tiny pegasus filly fluttered in with a packet of toilet bombs. When the smoke cleared, Facade could recognize the filly as his own flesh and blood. One of the reasons he was on trial in the first place.
"Hey, daddy," Cozy said sweetly, "I found some toilet bombs so I thought I'd bust you out."
"Shouldn't you be with your aunt?" Facade asked.
"She'll be fine," Cozy casually replied, "Give it two days and she'll be setting up missing pony posters of me all over the city."
There were a few questions that bounced around Facade's head, such as how did Cozy manage to make a hole in the wall with toilet bombs even though toilet bombs only work in toilets. Nevertheless, he looked at the hole Cozy made and figured he might just fit through it.
"Well, thanks anyway," Facade said, "Now, could you be a lamb and move out of the way, please?"
"Sure thing," Cozy replied as she fluttered back outside.
With nothing to lose, Facade crouched down and forced himself through the hole. Unfortunately, he found out the hole was too small for him to crawl through and he found himself stuck in the middle of it, with only his head and one of his hooves making through the hole.
"Aw, did I make it too small for you?" Cozy asked mockingly, "It's not fun being stuck in a hopeless situation, is it?"
Realizing what Cozy had done, Facade rabidly tried to claw at her with the one hoof available to him. But it was no use.
"But don't worry," Cozy said in a sugary-sweet tone, "I brought some friends over so you don't get all lonely."
As Cozy hovered away, Facade saw a pack of timberwolves prowling towards him. Looking at the blood smeared on their teeth, Facade knew these were the same timberwolves he fed his victims to. Being accustomed to pony flesh, they could smell the meat on him. And without a moment's hesitation, they pounced on him and began to bite and claw away at him. First went his jaw, ripped out by the pack leader with one bite. Then his leg was torn from his body the same way one would tear a packet open. Even though it was drowned out by the timberwolves growling as they ripped him apart, Cozy could faintly hear her dad screaming in unbearable agony. With a smile on her face, she continued to watch as the timberwolves tore away at what remained of Facade's muzzle before biting down on his horn. Eventually, the screams were replaced with gurgling after one of the timberwolves tore at his neck before slowly ripping away at his head. And when the wolves dragged what remained of Facade's body out of the hole he was stuck in, Cozy turned around and wandered off to look for a pen and paper.
Dear Tirek
Golly, it's been forever since we last wrote to each other! I have so much to tell you! There were these big furry things that messed up the Friendship Festival so me and my aunt had to hide in Discord's place. I know you two have history but he was friends with my mom so...you know. He felt like he owed her that much or something like that. My big ol' meanie-pants of a dad is in jail for all the bad things he did to me AND I heard they were opening up a School of Friendship somewhere. Oh, remember when I said I wanted to live with my aunt forever? Yeah, I changed my mind. If I want to make as many friends as possible, I have to go to that School of Friendship. I could ask my auntie if she was willing to take me there but it's a long way from home and she probably wouldn't want to travel back and forth between Manehatten and Ponyville just to pick me up when the day's over. How many friends do you think I will make once I get there? 10? 50? A gazillion? Golly, I'm just giddy at the thought of how powerful I will be. Maybe I can shoot rainbow lasers like Twilight and her friends. Anyway, hope to hear from you soon,
Your faithful penpal, Cozy Glow.
Author's Note
We can all agree Facade got what he deserved in the end.
BTW, there's a small something I forgot to mention in the previous chapter. Before I made a small (and I do mean small) edit, there was a bit in Better To Rule Tartarus where Cozy said she met the Storm King. But, because she never interacted with the Storm King in this story (or anywhere in canon, as far as we know), I changed the word "met" to "saw" to give off the implication she watched the Storm King's antics through Discord's crystal ball.
Dear Cozy Glow,
I wouldn't worry too much about how many friends you will make, especially since I know you will stab them in the back eventually. If it's power you want, I know of some artefacts that can drain all the magic in Equestria. Not that I'd want you to drain ALL the magic in Equestria, just enough that Twilight and her friends would be unable to stop us. Honestly, I'm glad you mentioned the School of Friendship. I heard about it too and, since it looks like it's a part of Twilight's castle, I imagine she'd have those artefacts hidden away somewhere for safekeeping. After all, she and her friends had that Rainbow Power so who knows what else she and her friends have? Though, if I had my Rainbow of Darkness with me, I would have beaten them easily. But I left it in my master's cave somewhere so, even if I wanted to, I can't use it.
Anyway, all you have to do is enter the School of Friendship, look around for the artefacts (which I have scribbled on the back of this letter), wait for Twilight and her friends to be occupied with a monster attack or whatever it is they do with their time, and perform a ritual that will take away the magic.
Lord Tirek. P.S: I also scribbled the ritual on the back as well.
Cozy Glow turned over the letter and saw the artefacts and ritual Tirek had crudely drawn. She looked up at the School of Friendship in the distance and smiled. While she still intended to have more friends than Twilight herself, she knew Tirek's plan was better. With all the creatures in the land drained of their magic, they wouldn't even have a snowball's chance in Tartarus of taking her power away from her. After all, if there was one thing she had learned in her life, friendship wasn't magic.
It was power.
Author's Note
And that was A Cozy Tale. Hope you enjoyed.
