Happy hour saloon, MLP edition

by Gundamfan

Rating: mature
Tags: Death, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Button Mash, Comedy, Pony Joe, Profanity, Violence, Slice of Life, Berry Punch
Length: 1129

A drunk mare and her nephew talk about video games

Every Friday night, Berry Punch would take herr nephew, Button Mash to the Ponyville bar and discuss a recent or retro game, from Jedi fallen order, to Metal Gear. Based on the happy hour saloon series by the late Machinima

Published 2019-12-17 17:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-12-17 17:40:01 UTC

Smokin' herbs during the Zombie apocalypse

One Friday night, in a lively bar in the heart of Ponyville, Berry Punch was sitting at the counter, shooting Whiskies, Beers and wines. She made the really irresponsible and stupid move of bringing her nephew, Button Mash, a 12 year old little colt, into a place meant for grown-ass stallions. The bartender, Pony Joe, looked at the two of them, Button Mash playing a video game on his gamecolt while his aunt looked angrily at the two of them.

"What the fuck are you looking at, Pony Joe? With your big-ass ocean-blue eyes? Get me my whiskey before I rip off your tail and bitch-slap you with it"!
Berry said, her left eye twitching.

"Uhh, aunt Berry, I think You've had enough". Button Mash said, looking up from his video game.
Berry Punch looked down at him, getting angrier by the second. "Oh, shut the hell up Button. Your just a Goddamn kid, and im a fucking adult. I can stop when I fucking feel like it"
A beer glass slid into her hoof before she gulped it down. "Besides, I wanna try and forget the terror I've been through. Im already on edge after playing that Goddamn Resident evil 2 remake. You heard of that one, Joe? First fucking time I watched Button play that stupid game, I have been a little uneasy".

The scene cuts to a still image of Button playing RE2, sitting on the floor, while Berry Punch peeked out from within a blanket while sitting on the couch. Onscreen, a group of zombies had Leon surrounded. Then, it cuts to a picture of a zombie from the game. As Berry describes it, the camera zooms in on its rotting face.

"Its no joke. This game has some of the UGLIEST, SCARIEST, most DISGUSTING fucking zombies you'll ever see in a damn video game"!

The scene then cuts back to the bar. "Apparently, the story is this bio-weapons company under the disguise of being a pharmaceutical company named "Umbrella" is responsible for the city of raccoons going to shit and looking more like the city of Detroit with zombies". The scene then cuts to a shot of Raccoon city, then to a zombie infested Detroit with a sign saying "welcome to Detroit. Totally zombie free"!

The scene cuts back to the bar. " I mean, imagine if it was the medicine turning you into a starving monster rather than the T-virus"!
The scene cuts to Berry in her kitchen, looking for cough syrup for Button.

"Alright Button, I know this shit taste like you had oral sex with an alligators vagina, but it will make you feel better". Button swallows the syrup and gags. "Oh, aunt Berry, my tummies feeling funny". Berry frowned. "oh, suck it up you big baby! Go drink a beer instead. Thats what i do when my stomach is commiting suicide"!

Button started to itch and grab his head in pain "ohh, my head hurts and im itching like i fell asleep on a nest of fire ants"!
Berry frowned again. "Goddamnit, Button! Now you take your ass to bed before I take away your fidget spinner"!
Button, now a zombie, attacks Berry, before the scene cuts back to the bar.
"And whats with all these viruses anyway? You've got the T-virus, G-virus, the las plagas, the fucking...Olson twins virus. Its bad enough that i cant keep track of them all, but those viruses can mutate your dead ass into horrifying demons from hell".

We cut to Berry and Button in the hallways of the RPD, with the two looking up at a licker on the ceiling. Berry was paralyzed with fear. "Ohhhhhh....Piss! Alright, lets go back the way we came Button". The camera pans over to Mr. X. "Alright, fuck it. Im just gonna get my ass eaten by zombies. Have fun trying to decide on your cause of death Button"! Berry said as she walked through a doorway.
We cut to Berry finding a herb.

"One thing i find kind of weird is your method of healing in this game are little green and red herbs. Yeah, not the hospital, with doctors, vaccines and bandages, because we all know how well hospital patients in a zombie apocalypse turn out! You just find a little green plant, smoke it like Roger Smith from American dad and your good. I will say this, I definitely discovered a new favorite pass-time of mine".
We cut to Berry and Button smoking herbs in the safe room.

Back to the bar. "And why the hell are these zombies so durable, you can drop an anvil on their heads, stick a TNT stick in their mouths and drop the Titanic on them and they still keep coming. I dont care if ponies say its carelessly wasting ammo. I WILL NOT be able to sleep at night until every single zombie in the entire game is dead"!

We cut to the main lobby of the RPD. Berry aimed her gun at a zombie but heard a click. "Aww shit. Uhh, quick button. Put on these boxing gloves and pummel his face in"! Berry turned around and proceeded to kick the zombie in the crotch. "Thats my purse! I dont know you"!

Back to the bar. Button spoke up again. "What about William Burken? You need to fight him if you wanna progress".
"Button, if i have to see that giant walking tumour one more time, im gonna piss myself! The house will be flooded in a piss-pool, all your pokemon cards will be ruined, all my beer will be contaminated, everpony suffers"! Cut to the house flooded, with pokemon cards and beer bottles floating in the urine.

Back to the bar. "Alright Joe, we gotta get the hell outta here. We got alotta homework to do, and I figured out how to keep Button calm, and focused". Back at home, as Button was doing homework while high, Berry struggled to speak, while also high. "Um, ok Button. So, so, you t-take these numbers here, caryy the onnnneeee......And, oh, God. I am. I am fucking wasted"!

Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the door. "Open up! This is the Canterlot police department! We know your in posession of illegal substances"!

Both Berry and Button panicked. "Oh, shit they found us! Quick Button, head to the safe room. We'll hide in their"! The two ponies ran upstairs to Buttons bedroom and locked the door. "Dont worry, Button. Its common Resident evil knowledge that no enemies can enter safe rooms".

"Thier locked in. Send in Mr X"! Suddenly, the door was smashed down to reveal Mr X.
Berry panicked. "Oh piss. Oh piss"! She then jumped out the bedroom window.