Ponies with guns

by Dr-J33

Rating: teen
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 3317

Ponies with guns, it's self explanatory. JUST READ IT

I just wanted to do a story about ponies with guns.

And don't ask how they shoot them because I don't even know!

Cover image by

http://shadawg.deviantart.com/

Published 2012-08-18 05:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-09 01:52:57 UTC

Chapter 1

Twilight sat in the library finishing up a book.

" that's the third book this week." twilight said to herself

she closed the book up and put it back on the shelf. However she noticed that something was missing. A blank space was in the bookcase, the space normally occupied by twilight's diary.

"where's my diary?" said twilight nervously. "it was here earlier......"

Twilight noticed a blonde stand of hair where the book should have been.

"what in celestia-"

Before she could finish, the library door was kicked open and applejack rushed in with a lever action 44 rifle in her hooves. She pointed the barrel at twilight.

"applejack!?" yelled twilight.

"I know ya took it twilight!" yelled applejack.

"took what?!" asked twilight confused and worried.

"mah mothers's gold necklace! " answered applejack."I saw a strand of hair that perfectly matches yours! Right where it should be!"

"well how do I know YOU didn't take my diary!" said twilight accusingly. "there's a strand of blonde hair right where it should be!"

Applejack looked at the blank space in the book shelf long enough for twilight to make her move.

She grabbed a book off of the shelf next to her and floated it towards herself, then quickly opening it up, revealing that the book itself was hollowed out and held inside of it a two tone FNP pistol and a loaded magazine. Twilight took out both items and quickly loaded the magazine into the pistol and chambered the first round, pointing it at applejack immediately.

Applejack smirked at twilight.

"ah never figured you ta be the kind of mate ta own a gun." said applejack smugly.

"my father insisted I bought one and that i took lessons." said twilight.

"well it appears we are at a standstill." said applejack.

Then out of nowhere rarity rushed in with a pump action shotgun in her hooves, pointing it at both ponies.

"you ruffians! Where is it!?" demanded rarity.

Rarity chambered a shell with a swift pump.

"celestia, rarity why do you have that?" asked twilight surprised that rarity even had a gun.

"I bought this to deal with burglars." said rarity, greatly aggravated. "now where is my rare diamond encrusted hair clip!?"

Twilight threw the hollow book into the air. While rarity and applejack were distracted looking at it, twilight dashed behind a her open basement door and fired the first two shots, both missing.

The other two ponies reacted fast. Applejack overturned a table and used it for cover. Rarity used her magic to knock down a bookshelf then swiftly his behind it.

They all open fired on one another, none of them hitting each other.

"just give me my hair clip!" yelled rarity!

Rarity fired, managing to blow a corner of the table off.

"not untill I get my necklace!" yelled applejack.

Applejack fired her gun at the bookshelf, the Magnum bullet flew through the bookshelf, missing rarity by an inch. The white unicorn shrieked in surprise.

Twilight fired another two shots, one managing to shoot applejack's hat off while the other hit the wall.

Twilight pulled the trigger to fire again, only to hear a click.

"aw Luna." said twilight.

Twilight was out of ammo and had to fall back. Twilight mad a distraction.

She knocked another bookshelf down, while applejack and rarity were distracted by it slamming onto the floor, twilight fell back to the basement.

"why you!" yelled rarity.

She tried to follow twilight only for applejack to fire a shot into her mane, making a clean hole in it.

"my mane!" yelled rarity. "fall back fall back!"

rarity made a dash for the door and escaped the library while whining about her mane.

"yer mine now sugar cube!" yelled applejack,

She picked off her stenson off of the ground and put it on her head. Then she ran into the basement. To her surprise, the room was void of the purple unicorn.

"get yer flank out here!" yelled applejack

She fired three shots in an attempt to weed her out of hiding.

"alright then." muttered applejack,

Applejack adjusted her stenson and put the gun onto her back.

"ahm not done yet!" yelled applejack before she left.

But little did she know, twilight was not even in the room.

Twilight escaped through a secret exit she found when she moved into the library. She intentionally kept its existence a secret, so that she could have a way to escape the library if need be. She knew that rarity and applejack would arm themselves with better weapons and continue to chase her. She needed to arm herself as well.

Twilight approached a gun store she knew she could find better weaponry in.

"probably don't have much time." muttered twilight.

Twilight trotted into the gun store. The only pony inside was the sales clerk, a pony who visited the library frequently. She approached the sales counter.

"miss sparkle?" said the clerk slightly surprised "what brings you here?"

"I need some magazines and ammo for this." twilight began, setting her FNP on the counter. "and I need some other guns as well."

"take a look." said the clerk. Gesturing to the wide selection of guns.

Twilight looked at a wall of sub- machine guns.

(yes full auto weapons are legal in equestria, if pinkie can carry around a freaking cannon, then why the heck not?)

"this one looks nice." said twilight.

She took a UMP off of the wall and slung it over her shoulders. Twilight then made her way towards a pistols.

"I like this one." twilight said to herself.

she took a USP and set it on the counter.

Applejack had a look of pure determination on her face as she Trotted through sweet apple acres.

"time to get serious." said applejack.

She approached a barn with metal sheets decorating the outside. The barn itself was locked.

Applejack took out a key and unlocked the barn doors, she opened the doors and walked inside, inside were various guns and ammunition for said guns.

"let's see what we got here." muttered applejack as she set her lever action to the side.

Applejack took a m14 off of the wall and looked it over.

"perfect." said applejack with a smile.

Rarity was in a gun store on the side of ponyville opposite from where twilight was. She was looking over a CZ 700 sniper rifle.

"marvelous." said rarity.

She set it onto the sales counter along with her other purchases. The sales pony gave her a suspicious look.

"that's quite a purchase." said the sales pony.

"I'm buying guns for a hunting trip." fibbed rarity.

"let's go over this." said the sales pony. "one CZ 700 bolt action rifle with sniper scope."

Rarity took out a coupon.

"I have a coupon for the scope." said rarity.

The sales pony took the coupon.

"a Scar L assault rifle with extra mags." continued the sales pony. " and a beretta M9A2 pistol also with extra mags., plus ammo for all of the guns."

"yes that's correct." said rarity.

"that will be 600 bits." said the sales pony.

Rarity took out a bag of 500 bits.

"miss I need 100 more." said the sales pony.

"oh my it appears I left that in my other purse." said rarity.

Rarity gave the sales pony a seductive look.

"could a big handsome pony like yourself let this one slide?" asked rarity in a tempting tone.

Her charm managed to work on the pony.

"I'll let it slide." said the sales pony, still wooed by rarity.

"thank you very much!" said rarity in her usual tone.

She grabbed her purchases with magic and headed to carousel boutique.

Twilight set her purchases on the counter. She got a UMP, a USP, a Serbu super shorty shotgun, and extra ammo and magazines for the guns.

"this will be all." said twilight.

"that will be 450 bits." said the clerk.

Twilight took out a sack of 200 bits.

"this is all I got." said twilight.

"sorry, you need more money." said the clerk.

Twilight smirked at the clerk.

"ya know, I recall you said you were married, you still married?"
Asked twilight.

"yes." said the clerk. "can't imagine life without her."

"wonder how she would react to those books you always check out." said twilight.

The clerk's face gained a look of worry.

"p...please don't tell her." begged the clerk.

"200 bits." said twilight. "and I won't tell your wife about the books."

"I can do that." said the clerk with a nervous smile.

Twilight paid and picked up her purchases with magic.

"see you at the library." said twilight.

She walked out of the store smiling.

Applejack slung a double barreled shotgun onto her back alongside the m14. And a FN P90 smg. Then she loaded a 44 revolver. She wore a bandolier of grenades.

"let's see them stop me now." said applejack.

She put the revolver into a holster on her hind leg.

"now I'm ready to kick some flank."

Applejack left the barn, locking the doors. Behind her.

45 minutes later.........

Twilight stepped out of the library wearing a black tactical best with two built in pistol holsters, both of which were occupied. Her UMP and super shorty shotgun were slung onto her back.

"now I'm ready." said twilight.

Twilight walked out of the library only for three bullets to barely miss her.

"alright." said twilight.

Twilight took out her FNP.

"bring it!"

"oh it's been brung!" yelled a voice.

Twilight's eyes widened. That wasn't applejack or rarity's voice, it was rainbow dash's.

She looked and saw the cyan Pegasus in the sky wearing a bandolier of m4 magazines. On her back was a spas 12 shotgun and a SR-25 sniper rifle, along with an RPG. She held an m4 in her hooves and had a 44 desert eagle in a leg holster.

"rainbow dash?" said twilight surprised.

"I know you took my prized wonder bolt action figure!" yelled rainbow dash. "don't make me do it!"

Rainbow dash opened fire again. Twilight lunged out of harms way wand took aim with her pistol. She fired three shots. The first two missed while the third shot the m4 out of rainbow's hooves.

"why you." muttered rainbow dash.

She flew towards twilight and tackled her, twilight's pistol was dropped and she was pinned underneath the cyan Pegasus.

"now." started rainbow dash.

Rainbow dash took took out her desert eagle and pointed it at twilight's forehead.

"where is it?"

Rainbow suddenly felt a pistol against her head. Followed by giggling.

"silly rainbow dash." said a voice from behind.

Twilight saw the figure behind rainbow dash clearly, it was pinkie pie, smiling as usual. She had a dark pink Kevlar vest on along with a headband. She had an AA12 with a drum magazine, a LSAT lmg, and a chinalakegrenade launched all slung on her back. She held a g18 converted to full auto in her hoof pointed at the back of rainbow dash's back.

"pinkie pie?" asked twilight.

"of course silly!" said pinkie pie enthusiastically.

"why are you here...... And carrying a grenade launcher?" asked twilight.

"ha ha-" pinkie spoke in a more serious tone.

"I want my freaking box."

"box?" asked rainbow dash and twilight in unison.

"my secret box!" yelled pinkie pie. "where is it!?"

Before anything else could happen rainbow dash kicked pinkie pie away and twilight grabbed rainbow dash in a magic glow and threw her to where her m4 was lying. Twilight picked up her pistol. Rainbow dash put her desert eagle in its holster and picked up her m4

"why you-" began pinkie pie.

Before she could finish her sentence, applejack ran in with her m14 in her hooves.

"oh hi rainbow dash." said applejack smugly.

"hi aj!" said pinkie pie.

Applejack barely missed being hit by a bullet from afar.

"what the hay!" said applejack.

Rarity laid on a rooftop wearing purple goggles and a white Kevlar vest with diamonds on it, her sniper rifle in her hooves.

"now this is much more my style." said rarity as she began to line up another shot. "not too close."

The ponies all upen fired on each other. Any civilians who hadn't left after the scuffle with twilight and rainbow dash were fleeing or running into their homes, hiding in their bathtubs or watching from windows.

Twilight fired multiple shots at applejack, applejack sidestepped all of the shots and fired at twilight. The unicorn jumped out of the bullet's paths.

Pinkie pie put away her pistol and took out her aa12., letting loose a giggle.

"it's a shotgun! But it's automatic!" said Pinkie pie. "shotguns aren't supposed to be fully automatic!"

Pinkie pie fired at rainbow dash but the Pegasus was too fast, dodging the buckshot without breaking a sweat.

"your too slow pinkie!" yelled rainbow dash.

Rainbow dash fired at pinkie with her m4. Rainbow wasn't the only fast one. Pinkie dodged every bullet.

"dang shes fast."

Rarity fired a shot that flew past rainbow dash.

"come on rarity!" yelled rainbow dash. "fight like a real pony!"

"sorry rainbow dash." said rarity "but I am not leaving this spot!"

"oh your moving alright!" yelled rainbow dash.

She put her m4 on her back and took out her RPG.

"hey rarity!" said rainbow dash. "catch!"

Rainbow dash fired the rpg at rarity. The white unicorn had no choice but to jump off the roof. The missile itself impacted the roof, blasting a large whole in it. Rarity landed face first on the ground.

"I think I got my vest dirty!" said rarity.

Pinkie pie turned her attention to rarity.

"where my box!?" demanded pinkie pie.

"oh joy." said rarity.

Applejack fired the last shot from her m14's mag. It flew through a the window of a house that twilight was in front of.

"horseapples!" said applejack.

She ejected the magazine and prepared to load a new one, untill rainbow dash decided to start attacking applejack. Before applejack could load the m14, rainbow dash flew by with her spas 12 out and fired at applejack. The country mare sidestepped, but dropped her rifle.

"rainbow dash!" Yelled applejack.

Applejack took out her double barreled shotgun and aimed at rainbow dash. The cyan legasus dodged the first shot, but the second shot was so close to get face, that she was dazed momentarily.

Applejack took one of the grenades off of her bandolier and pulled the pin.

"here!" said applejack.

She threw the grenade into the air and it exploded, a piece of shrapnel hit rainbow dash in the wing, knocking her onto the ground.

Twilight slipped away to focus on pinkie pie. She loaded a fresh magazine into her FNP and took out her USP, holding them akimbo,

"surprise pinkie!" said twilight.

She fired the pistols, knocking the automatic shotgun out of pinkie's hooves.

"aw your no fun!" said pinkie,

Pinkie took out her LSAT and chambered a bullet. Rarity got up and slung her sniper rifle on her back.

"oh you are going to pay for getting me dirty!" said rarity.

Rarity took out her scar l.

From a window, pokey pierce and caramel watched the battle unfold.

"glad I'm not down there." said pokey.

"agreed." said caramel, nodding his head.

They looked at each other.

"ten bits says pinkie wins." said pokey

"twenty says applejack does." replied caramel.

Pinkie did not aim when she fired her LSAT, bullets flew everywhere, but none of them hitting twilight.

"are you crazy!?" yelled twilight as he fired her pistols.

"hahahahaha!" pinkie laughed.

Rainbow dash got up and took out her SRM.She pressed a button on it, activating a laser sight. Applejack reloaded her shotgun. Rainbow dash lined up the laser with the shotgun and fired. The bullet hit the shotgun in its hinge, breaking the gun.

"ggggrrrrrr. That was an expensive gun!" yelled applejack.

She took out her FN P90 and tapped the magazine before firing at rainbow dash. She was grazed by a free of the bullets, but none penetrated.

One of the LSAT bullets grazed twilight's ear. Twilight rubbed the side of her hoof against it, then continued to fire.

"oh twi, you can't-"

Pinkie pie was cut off when rarity shot her scar at the ammo belt for the lmg, breaking it.

"you broke it!" yelled pinkie pie. She threw it to the side and took out her g18.

Twilight fired a three shots at rarity, all grazing rarity's leg.

Rainbow dash fired again, the bullet missed applejack at first, but the bullet ricochet off of a gutter and grazed applejack's cutie mark.

"why you!" yelled applejack.

She lunged for her m14, grabbed it, put her P 90 away. And loaded a fresh magazine into the m14.

From another window, carrot top and her roommate derpy watched the battle unfold.

"you sure this is a good idea?" asked carrot top. "we could get hit by a stray bullet."

"oh relax carrot!" said derpy. "were fine. Now pass the popcorn."

Twilight put her pistols into their holsters. And took out her UMP and super shorty. She held the UMP in her hooves while she held the shotgun with magic,

"hey pinkie!" yelled twilight.

Pinkie turned to face twilight.

"yes?"

Twilight fired the shotgun at pinkie. The vest stopped the buckshot from going into her body, but pinkie still felt the impact of the shot.

Rarity pulled the trigger on her scar, but the gun jammed.

"oh draw." said rarity.

Rarity slung it over her shoulder and took out her M9A2, pointing it at twilight. Twilight fired three shots from the UMP at rarity, two hitting the vest while one missed. Rarity fell back, but managed to fire one shot. The bullet flew right past twilight's horn, grazing it.

Twilight dropped the UMP and lost focus, dropping the super shorty. Then she clutched her horn in her hooves.

The UMP hit the ground, discharging. The bullet grazed applejack's hind hoof.

Suddenly twilight's horn began to glow.

"oh no!" thought twilight, "magical discharge."

Suddenly the five ponies vanished in a flash of purple light.

Fluttershy was in her cottage, napping on her couch. Then in a flash of light the ponies appear in front of her, waking her up.

"aaahhh!" screamed fluttershy.

The ponies all looked at each other and took out their pistols and pointed them at each other.

"who took my diary!?" demanded twilight.

"where's mah necklace!?" yelled applejack.

"forget your necklace! Wheres my wonder bolts action figure!?" yelled rainbow dash.

"where's my hair clip!?"

"WHO TOOK MY BOX!?"

Fluttershy panicked and reached under her sofa cushion, pulling out a suppressed .22 firestorm pistol.

"don't make me shoot!" said fluttershy. "oh and has any pony seen my hairbrush?"

Rainbow dash and applejack exchanged puzzled glances.

"wait..... Why didnt I see it before!?" said twilight. "we all are victims! None of us could have stolen each others-"

Twilight dropped her USP by accident, causing it to discharge and a startled fluttershy, pinkie pie, applejack, and rainbow dash to fire at a closet door, blowing the hinges off. The door fell down revealing spike in the closet wearing applejack's necklace and rarity's hair clip, sitting on pinkie's secret box with rainbow's wonder bolt action figure, while reading twilight's diary and gnawing on fluttershy's hair brush.

"SPIKE!?" yelled all six ponies

Spike looked up nervously.

"I can explain......" said spike.

"you ready my diary!" said twilight.

"and stole mah mom's gold necklace that she gave me right before she died!" added applejack.

"and your wearing my rare diamond encrusted hair clip!"

"hands off my wonder bolts action figure!"

"you better not have looked in my box!"

"that was my favorite hair brush!"

The six ponies approached spike.

"please don't hurt me...." said spike.

They all aimed their pistols at spike.

"mommy."