Warm Reassurance in Yellow
There is a meditative stillness on the night of Hearth’s Warming Eve in Ponyville. Above the dark gray skies, the snow descends into the valley and waltz their way into the lit streets. Tonight is a night of colored lights from whites and reds, greens and blues, purples and pinks; all stringing from houses and trees. The houses are still lit brightly, to illuminate the snow-covered red ribbons, the evergreen reefs and pairs of golden bells. From the windows, shadows of ponies appear and disappear. No doubt that there’s a party, or so much as a modest dinner going on that keep things lively during this time of winter.
In truth, there are very few ponies that are about during this time of night. If anything, they’re almost empty. That is, except for a yellow stallion trotting in the snow-dusted streets. Cautiously, he walked carefully over the black ice. In the lights, the stallion had on a Stetson on his head, a brown wool poncho, and a neatly small wrapped box in red. All given a fresh dusting of snowflakes.
Suddenly, he stopped. Across from an empty town square where a statue of a mare was being covered in snow was a particular two-story house with a light on. The stallion took in a deep breath, exhaling a visible breath, a confusion of fog from his mouth and just as suddenly faded. He carefully stepped towards the house, and longer still to finally knock on the door.
He waited for the door to be unlocked. Above him, a porchlight was turned on, and behind the door, he listened to the deadbolt undo itself. It opened.
“Braeburn?” It was a blue Pegasus in a black house robe. A stallion that the pony knew.
He nodded. “Hey Soarin, happy Hearth’s Warming.”
“Dude!” The Pegasus embraced him in a hug. “I haven’t seen you in ages! Come in!”
Braeburn entered into the house that he noticed was mostly dark. “I was getting ready to go to bed.” He heard Soarin say, turning on the lights. “You know, if I knew you were coming, I would probably have something out for you and- Oh! Did you bring me a gift? Shoot, if I knew I would have gotten something for you too and-”
“Soar,” Braeburn interrupted him. “It’s fine, this’s more… what’s the word…? Spontaneous on mah part. If anythin’, comin’ here was last minute fer me as well.”
“Oh… Well, do you want anything? I could make you a hot chocolate or something. Here,” he waved a wing over to the next room. Soarin turned on the lights in a living room where there was a decorated tree, some presents, a couch, an unlit fireplace and some pictures on the walls. “Take a seat, I’ll go fetch you something.”
Braeburn thanked him as he took his seat on the couch. While Soarin disappeared into the kitchen, the yellow stallion took off his hat and poncho, glancing around the room. In a way, the pictures were what he had expected – the Wonderbolts, the news clippings of his stunts, here his family, there his friends, in a corner a foalhood picture of them together, and there on the mantle… kissing Spitfire.
“I’m afraid I don’t have any marshmallows,” Soarin said, returning in with a couple of mugs on his back. “But I can safely say that what I have here is the best cocoa in the…” He stopped at what Braeburn was looking at. His ears folded back against his skull. “Oh…”
“Ya know Ah’ve already met her,” Braeburn said. “She seemed like a good enough mare for ya.”
“Since when did you two meet?”
“There are Wonderbolt shows in Appaloosa, Soar,” he deadpanned. “Ah think Ah might have run inta her at least once.”
Soarin didn’t reply, he just gave him the hot mug to him to hold before he sat on the couch across from him. The Pegasus eyed the present that was between them. “So… do you want me to open that now or…?”
“Ya can wait until the mornin’,” Braeburn told him, sipping his cup.
“Okay… so is there a reason why you’re here? I mean not to be rude or anything, but I thought you have family here in town.”
“Ah do.” He nodded. “If anythin’, Ah jus’ came back from a Hearth’s Warmin’ Eve party and it’s over. But…” another sip. “Well… if this sound’s intrusive on yer part, Ah get it, but… is it possible to be here tonight? Ah don’t exactly wanna be left alone here.”
Soarin blinked, confused. “You mean you can’t get a room?”
“Well… yeah. Pretty much. The inns are stuffed full and… you’re here and Ah thought that maybe… Don’t get me wrong, Ah was gonna come in the mornin’ ta give ya that gift, but with no place ta stay… yeah.” Another sip.
“But why don’t you go to Sweet Apple Acres?”
“Because Ah wanna stay with somepony that Ah could feel like Ah could let mah mask down a while – so ta speak.”
“So, you’re saying that you still haven’t come out to them yet?” Braeburn’s cheeks tinted with pink embarrassment. “Brae, dude, you’re twenty-six and live on your own. Why-”
“It’s… complicated.”
Soarin took a few sips from his mug. “But I thought your parents said they didn’t mind that you’re gay.”
“They don’t. It’s the rest of the family that… gives me doubts. As things are, Ah have ta be careful who Ah come out to.”
His friend frowned. “Dude, just saying that your gay isn’t much of a deal-breaker anymore.”
“Oh really?” Braeburn said, doubtful. “Then Ah don’t suppose that the fellas in Appaloosa were still usin’ the word gay ta mean somethin’ dumb or stupid, or maybe mah ears were stuffed when Ah heard a farmhoof jokin’ around with: ‘What are ya, a fag?’ Yeah, Ah’m sure there’d be no negative consequences what-so-ever if Ah came out in Appaloosa.”
Soarin winced. “Dude… They actually said that?”
“As if they see any problem with it.” Braeburn sipped his mug. “At least here, Ah don’t have ta put up an act around ya. At least here, Ah can be me.”
“Oh…”
There was an awkward silence for a good minute until Braeburn changed the subject. “So… How have you been?”
Soarin beamed. “Pretty great actually! I’ve been keeping myself busy since you left town, ya know, Wonderbolts and all.” Braeburn nodded. “And a couple of years ago, I finally asked Spitfire out. We’ve been going steady for a while. In fact, she’s coming in the morning to open presents and I’m going to pop the question to…” He trailed off as he noticed his friend looking away. “Dude, it’s nothing personal.”
“Ah know it ain’t. Truthfully, Ah’m glad ya finally found somepony special.” He half-smiled at him. “Really, Ah am.”
The Pegasus took in a quick breath. “Yeah but… you’re not really happy about it.”
“Ah know yer straight. Ah already know years ago that it wouldn’t have worked out.”
Another pause and Soarin sipped more of his mug.
“Can I ask you a personal question?” Soarin asked and Braeburn told him to go ahead. “After all these years, have you found anypony else?” He shook his head. “But why not?”
“Ah already told ya. Since Ah don’t know who Ah could trust with mah secret, Ah can’t be sure if anyone else is… ya know.”
“But c’mon, there’s gotta be at least a few guys out there.”
Braeburn shrugged. “Maybe. Yet over the years, yer still the closest thing to a coltfriend Ah head,” he lifted both of his forehooves, “and that’s in very big quotation marks.”
Soarin sighed. “Brae, you’re my best friend, but I’ve told you that-”
“Ah know.” He interrupted. “…. Ah know…”
The Pegasus set his mug down to hug his friend. Soarin did notice the blush of Braeburn’s face but ignored it. At first, neither one said anything, even when the yellow stallion hugged back.
When they broke the hug, Soarin said, “Dude, this is completely unfair to you.”
“No, it ain’t–”
“Yes, it is. Brae, when I said all those years ago that I don’t want you to be miserable forever, I meant it. Just because I don’t feel the same way, doesn’t mean that it should be the default with your love life. And I don’t want any of my friends, you especially, to constantly be afraid all the time. That’s no way to live dude, and you know it.”
“And Ah know yer right,” Braeburn replied. “Except, what’s there for me ta do? Ah can’t be reckless with revealin’ something that’s apart of me. If Ah was more ignorant of the prejudice itself, maybe Ah would be less of a coward. Only…” he shook his head, “Ah’m too scared. Ah shouldn’t be, but Ah am.”
A wing was wrapped around him. The yellow stallion looked over to Soarin. “What do I have to do so you wouldn’t have to be?”
Braeburn shook his head. “Ya don’t have ta do a thin’. Jus’ being here with ya helps a lot. And right now, Ah jus’ don’t wanna be alone on Hearth’s Warming.”
Soarin nodded as he scooted closer. “Alright. You can stay for tonight. But still… I wish I could do something for you in the long term.”
“If yer thinkin’ of findin’ me a coltfriend then don’t. Ah ain’t a fan of arranged dates.”
“I wasn’t going to-”
“Liar,” Braeburn chuckled.
“Well… Okay, maybe that, but no. I was thinking of something else.”
“Like what?”
Soarin didn’t reply for a long time. Before his friend could ask, he said, “Be honest with me here: do you really feel comfortable being around your family in general?”
Braeburn raised an eyebrow. “Where are ya goin’ with this?”
“Just hear me out on this one, but I wanna hear you first before I say anything.”
His friend mused over for a minute. “Again, mah folks are the only ones that know. And fer the rest… Ah’ve no idea how’d they take it. Who knows, maybe they know all along or probably guessed it by now. If they did, Ah certainly don’t know about it. And if they don’t… then Ah don’t know if they’d shrug it off or somehow see this as a huge betrayal ta the family.”
“Did you know your cousin Applebloom?”
Braeburn blinked. “Yeah? What the hay does that gotta do with this conversation?”
“Well, you know Thunderlane on the team, right?” He nodded. “He and his brother were helping out the Crusaders that your cousin is in. Anyway, Appleboom’s friend, Scootaloo, I think it was, her parents finally came back and almost had her move away. But they convinced them to let her stay as long as she lives with her aunts, in which Applebloom is enthusiastic about.”
“Well that’s nice, but what does that have ta do with me?”
“Scootaloo’s aunts, they’re married to each other. In other words, the kid is now living with a lesbian couple, who is friends with your cousin. If you’re scared that your extended family might be homophobic, don’t you think that someone like say… Applejack or Big Mac, or even Granny Smith would have at least pipe up some objection over the years?
“In other words, chances are, they might not have a problem with you being gay. But, if they’re not, then at least let me lend you some insurance in case they cut you out.”
“Yeah?” Braeburn tilted his head. “And what’s that?”
“Well, if things go bad with your family, you can have mine. You can come to our family gatherings, to our celebrations and we will treat you like you’re one of us. My family isn’t homophobic, and Spitfire? She doesn’t care what you are as long as you get the job done. If it’s acceptance you want, we’ll be here to welcome you with open hooves. We’ll have your back if things go wrong, and we’ll be there when things go right. You don’t have to pretend around us, just know that we got you if you fall.”
“Ya know ya don’t have ta do any of this fer me.”
“No. But you know what? If there was a time when generosity and kindness are needed the most, it’s Hearth’s Warming Eve. So, consider this as a present if something goes wrong for you. Or even if things go right even!”
For a moment, Braeburn didn’t say anything, “You’d do all that fer me?”
“If it helps… I’ll be there with you when you decide to come out. You’ll have me in case something does go wrong, and I’ll be prepared so that no bigot would think of crossing me.”
“Celestia Soar, how did Ah get this lucky ta be yer friend?”
“Don’t know,” he shrugged, “probably grew up in the same town probably had something to do with it.”
This got the two of them laughing.
“Thank ya kindly,” Braeburn said, “still… it might take a while on mah part ta say somethin’.”
“If you want that if things go wrong, I could get Spitfire to give each of them the famous ‘I’ll put you in a full-body cast drinking through a straw,’ speech.”
“Don’t think Ah’ve heard of that.”
“I gotta get her to say it to ya after I purpose of course.” He rubbed the back of his head. “That is if she says yes.”
This got Braeburn to tilt his head in confusion. “What do ya mean? The two of ya had been goin’ steady fer a while now, haven’t ya?”
“Yeah,” Soarin nodded, “it’s just… neither of us has done anything like this before, ya know? I don’t know if she’s ready to commit or if we had dated long enough to make that big of a leap. You might say that I’m just worried a bit is all.”
“Over what?”
The Pegasus paused, “Don’t laugh.”
“C’mon, tell me.”
Soarin took in a deep breath. “Am I good enough?”
Braeburn took this question aback as if he was slapped in the face with it. “What?”
“I mean, am I good enough for Spitfire? As much as I know she loves me, at times I wonder if I’m worth her time, ya know? To me, she’s as close to perfect as you can get but… what about me? Does she think the same way too?”
His friend frowned. “Now that’s a bunch of horseapples comin’ from ya.”
“Huh?”
“Soar, let me ask ya a personal question,” Braeburn said putting his mug down. “Do you remember the day Ah said, ‘Ah love you?’” Soarin nodded. “Do ya remember why?”
The Pegasus blinked. “Was it because I’m hot?”
This got Braeburn laughing. “No! Well, that too, but not jus’ that. In all these years, did ya ever considered as ta why me, a closeted gay stallion, would fall in love with you?” Soarin didn’t respond. “It’s because of so many things. If Ah were Shakespur or at least a decent poet, Ah would immortalize everythin’ about you. If anythin’, even now, it’s still hard to put inta words what ya meant ta me.”
Soarin tilted his head. “And that being… what?”
“Well… Fer personal reasons, ya were not jus’ the first that Ah came out, but someone that didn’t see me as a gay stallion, but jus’ me. You go above and beyond just mere tolerance, but accepted me as the kind of pony Ah am. You’ve always been generous, always tried to play fair whenever ya can. You’re always willin’ ta pour the milk of kindness outta anyone that once you’ve gotten ta know. The Soarin Ah know, is somepony that still strives fer honor – and while not infallible, ya have a sense of fair play. Even when yer sufferin’, ya put on a smile ta reinsure that everythin’ is gonna be alright. That ya can be really funny when ya want ta be, and serious when needed. You’ve reached a state where you’re mature enough ta get along with but just foalish enough ta still be fun. Ah’d used ta think that if Ah could have a stallion like that love me like that, Ah’d be the happiest in the world.” He paused. “Aw crap, Ah’ve gone sappy, have Ah?”
“No dude, it’s just… wow…” Soarin rubbed the back of his head. “That’s what you think of me?”
“Chances are, so does Spitfire. It’s easy ta find somethin’ loveable with someone else, although Ah find it hard ta do the same fer yerself.”
“I could say the same thing about you.” The Pegasus picked up his mug again. “Just because it’s hard to find love, doesn’t mean that nopony out there wouldn’t want to give you a shot.” Soarin downed his hot chocolate. “Still, even coming from a dude, what you said was beautiful.”
Braeburn chuckled embarrassingly. “And here Ah thought Spitfire would say stuff like that.”
“She does, but I’m forgetful at times to remember what I’m worth. But it doesn’t hurt to be reminded of it every once in a while.”
“In mah personal opinion, Ah’d think she’ll say yes.”
Soarin hugged him once again. “Thanks a lot, Brae.” After he broke it, he asked if he’s feeling tired.
“A little. But Ah wouldn’t mind if we keep talkin’.”
So Soarin went to go get blankets for his friend. As they continued to talk about their lives, the Pegasus lit his fireplace as they continued their long conversation in the light of the flickering flames. Eventually, sleep lulled them to shut their eyes until the morning.
In the morning, Spitfire let herself in with the key to the house and she found her coltfriend asleep with his back against the couch on the floor while Braeburn was still asleep on the cushions of the couch. The yellow stallion was the first to wake up from Spitfire’s hoofsteps.
“You been here long?” Spitfire asked, but quiet enough not to wake Soarin.
“Ah had no place to go to last night so Ah crashed here,” Braeburn replied. “By the looks of it, we’ve talked ourselves ta sleep.”
“I see.” She nodded.
“Yer really lucky, ya know?”
“Huh?”
“Soarin, Ah mean, yer incredibly lucky ta have ‘em around.”
“Yeah, I know.” Spitfire smiled. “He’s always been a good stallion.”
Braeburn nodded. “That he is ma’am.”
The mare leaned down to kiss Soarin on the cheek. “Happy Hearth’s Warming, sweetheart.”
Soarin smiled. “It certainly is now.”
